evening headlines

By brendon March 18, 2009 @ 6:58 PM

KANYE WEST – prosecutors in LA have charged Kanye with misdemeanor battery, grand theft and vandalism after he ripped a camera from a paparazzi and smashed it on the ground in a little hissy fit (relive the magic here) at LAX in September.  So, good.  He should have been arrested and shot just for those GD sweater vests. (source = new york times)

RIHANNA – official became officialer today when the producer who has worked with Rihanna since 2003 said she did not record a duet with Chris Brown earlier this month in Miami, despite initial reports saying she did.  Also not true: dinosaurs. (source = new york daily news)

SELETA EBANKS – the premiere of “Valentino: The Last Emperor”, whatever the hell that is, was in NYC last night, and if I saw Seleta there I would tell her I think she's really pretty, and then ask if she's ever thought of doing any modeling.  And she would be like, what me, no way tee-hee.  She would act shy but really she’d be getting all hot because I said I thought she was pretty enough to be a model.  And then we’d do it. (source = wenn)

liam neeson releases a statement

By brendon March 18, 2009 @ 5:33 PM

Definitively putting an end to any and all rumors, a representative for Liam Neeson released this statement to Us magazine at 8:01pm est.

"Liam Neeson, his sons, and the entire family are shocked and devastated by the tragic death of their beloved Natasha.  They are profoundly grateful for the support, love and prayers of everyone, and ask for privacy during this very difficult time.”

In reading a hundred different editorials about Natasha today, it seems most will remember her as an uncommon professional, someone who was gracious and easy going, someone who everyone enjoyed working with and knowing.  Whereas I will be remembered as History’s Greatest Lover.  Who is to say which is better.

the brits are oddly uptight

By brendon March 18, 2009 @ 3:53 PM

A commercial for the DVD of the Angelina Jolie movie “Wanted” was pulled off the air in Britain today because some felt the ad glamorized violence.  This could devastate sales of the movie, especially if everyone agrees to unsee the ads they've already seen and then travel back in time to October, which is when the “Wanted” DVD was released in Britain.  The AP says…

The Advertising Standards Authority said the ad for the DVD version of “Wanted” breached ad codes and should not be broadcast.  The authority said the ad — which juxtaposes images of gun violence with Jolie showing off her bare back — “could be seen to condone violence by glorifying or glamorizing the use of guns.”  It was unclear what practical effect, if any, the ruling would have. The "Wanted" DVD was released in Britain nearly six months ago.

Um, I just wanted to look at Angelina pictures.  I don’t actually care if she’s in trouble or whatever all that said, it’s not gonna change how I feel.  I guess that’s what happens when you’re in love.

(image source of Angelina filming “salt” = wenn)

1963 – 2009 (update)

By brendon March 18, 2009 @ 12:36 PM

Longtime New York Post columnist Liz Smith says Natasha Richardson was taken off life support at 1:30pm in New York City.  She is survived by her husband Liam Neeson and thier two sons.

(this morning Fox 411 had a story essentially saying that Richardson was almost unbearably popular and nice)

GLOOMY UPDATE (6:04pm est) – in a story updated eleven minutes ago, the New York Post says, "Natasha Richardsons heartbroken loved ones took her off life support this afternoon."  E! Online confirms the reports as well.

shauna sand is pretty easy going

By brendon March 18, 2009 @ 12:35 PM

Some girls get all uppity if they’re the victim of a sexual assault in public while someone films it.  Not this one.  Which is surprising, because if I had the equivalent of her tits, I would fight to the grave if someone tried to rip my clothes off.  Her nipples have that creepy blue ring around them (this), as if they were ironed on, like a discount Garfields eyes.

(image source = mavrix)

afternoon headlines

By brendon March 18, 2009 @ 11:13 AM

LEANN RIMES – She’s been married for seven years to backup dancer Dean Sheremet, but new pictures show her kissing actor Eddie Cibrian. Top magazines tell me this is shocking, so I’m shocked, but not as much as I would be if I knew who any of those people were.  “This is so unlike him or her”, I might say if that were indeed the case.  (source = us magazine)

BRITNEY – a judge has made a temporary restraining order against Adnan Ghalib permanent, meaning he cannot go near her for three years.  It also means I need to look up the meaning of the word “permanent”, because I thought for sure it meant something else.  (source = ok!)

AUDRINA PATRIDGE – “the Hills” star signed a deal today for her own reality show with Mark Burnett Productions, executive producer of “Survivor” and “The Apprentice”.  The plan is to show more of her range as a performer.  The same reason I decided to start a band.  No one wanted to be in my band, so I just kinda drum with my foot and play cymbals with my knees and of course there's banjo and my clarinet is held in front of me with this metal brace thingy I made.  My understanding is that musicians get tons of pussy.  Nice.  (story = ew, images = mavrix)

if only he really was doing this

By brendon March 18, 2009 @ 9:38 AM

Star magazine says today that John Mayer is considering a tell-all book about his relationship with Jennifer Aniston, where he’ll, um, you know, tell all.  Including the time during sex when … when … wait for it … she called him “Brad”.  Star, go:

…what embarrassing info could John reveal? For one, Jen made a slip of the tongue calling John "Brad" in bed! He also knows all about her obsessive exercise regime, embarrassing TV viewing habits, devotion to astrology and numerology and has witnessed the actress throw fits!  Then there's the whole thing about their sex play…

Of course she called John “Brad”.  She's nuts.  Listen to Brad tell it and you can’t figure out if they’ve ever even met.  You and I both know the day is coming when this daffy bitch is gonna be seen dragging a Brad Pitt-sized burlap bag and pushing it into the backseat of her car, then the next day an old-timey spinning newspaper headline will scream BRAD PITT GONE MISSING, in that giant font they normally save for monster attacks.

madonna cant hold her men

By brendon March 18, 2009 @ 8:59 AM

Madonna’s new whatever, that model dude who is clearly gay but she hangs out with, is 22.  She’s 50.  Brace yourself for shocking news, because he may be looking around.  The Sun UK says…

Jesus was seen tenderly clasping lingerie model Luciana Costa as they swayed to the music in his home city of Rio.  Jesus held Luciana close and whispered in her ear — and onlookers claimed they started kissing.
(A source said): “They danced together very close lots of times. He whispered things in her ear, grabbed her hand, put his hand around her waist.  He’d had a little to drink and it seemed clear he was after something.”
Early the next day the pair were snapped as they ventured out for a Sunday stroll.

This alleged lingerie model (the lumpy big nosed mess here) is pretty damn ugly too.  And she’s 31.  This guy is a fuckin weirdo.  Madonna is all dehydrated and leathery, her vagina must feel like your penis is in a sock filled with sand.  Thank god I don’t see a turtle or coconut in these pictures.  This pervert might try to fuck it.

(image source = splash news)