AMY WINEHOUSE SEEMS NICE

By brendon July 09, 2008 @ 7:11 AM

Amy Winehouse, who at some point turned into Gargamel, gave a stiff arm to her OWN SECURITY GUARD as she returned home after a night of drinking.  Someone needs to step up and do something about this menace.  I'm taking my message to the kids, they may be our last hope. 

(picture source = splash news, full size picture here)



ENOUGH ALREADY LIV

By brendon July 09, 2008 @ 6:50 AM

Um, okay Liv Tyler, we get it.  You’re fat.  Enough already.  You don’t have to be eating 24 hours a day.  You can lay out for an hour without food.  I saw a set of pictures one time where she stopped at some deli and then ate the sandwich on the street on the way to some little sidewalk café.  In other words, she stopped to get food on the way to get food.  i don't have a dictionary in front of me, but I'm willing to bet that if you looked up "fatass", it would go a lot like that.

HOW EXCITING

By brendon July 09, 2008 @ 6:04 AM

OK magazine has the very first (last?) picture of teen whore Jamie Lynn Spears and her baby girl Maddie Briann Aldridge, who was born on June 19th.  You're probably also wondering if OK has a boring ass interview.  Well buckle the fuck up, because yes, they do.

"Once I got in there, my doctor was just so calm and so good it was not bad at all," she says. "I was just talking to Casey. And you know what's so weird? I was asking him if he was okay. He was like, 'Yeah.' We were both so excited."

Does this slut realize that when you tell a story you don’t need to include every possible detail.  We’re not investigating a crime.  We’re not the FBI.  No one blew up a federal building.  No one is gonna read this and say, “I wish Jamie had mentioned whether or not her idiot boyfriend grunted an answer after she asked if he was okay.  Not knowing kind of ruined the whole story.”

SOME CHICK FORGOT SOMETHING

By brendon July 09, 2008 @ 5:44 AM

I don't know who Jo Champa is, and I didn’t feel like looking her up on IMDb.  Does it even matter?  She’s here today because last night she walked the red carpet at the new Eddie Murphy movie in a dress that was practically clear.  And good for her.  I’m a big fan of women’s rights and women being able to chase their dreams, especially if their dream is to show me their tits.

(picture source = splash news



JESSICA SIMPSON LOOKS … DIFFERENT

By brendon July 08, 2008 @ 2:00 PM

Jessica Simpson went to the Sagebrush Cantina in Calabasas last night, wearing a dress that may generously be described as “snug”.  Truth is, my beloved Jessica looks a little husky.   I don't mean to sound cruel, but if she doesn’t get into better shape, she may never get to know the pleasure of my love.  I’m in peak physical condition and I demand the same from my ladies.  Most of my missions are spent behind enemy lines – my cunning my only map, my righteous fists my only weapon.

THIS IS A TRAVESTY

By brendon July 08, 2008 @ 10:53 AM

Most chicks are too uppity to dye their hair orange or pink or blood red, which sucks because that shit is hot.  My point being, today just went to hell because it seems Lily Allen has dyed her back its natural brown, even though she looked adorable when it was pink.  I think I might dye my girlfriends’ hair pink to fill the void.  It shouldn’t be hard to convince her, considering my "girlfriend" is a pillow in a dress and sunglasses and a mop for hair.  I'm so lonely!

EVERYONE HATES ACTORS. THIS IS WHY.

By brendon July 08, 2008 @ 9:05 AM

As his daughter can attest, Alec Baldwin is a jackass. He’s a really good actor but his career isn’t what it could have been because he’s such a jerkoff. Now a movie, based on the Hollywood tell-all "What Just Happened" by Art Linson (producer of Fight Club, The Untouchables, etc.) will give people an idea of what that looks like. Aint It Cool says…

The particulars: Baldwin shows up to the set of THE EDGE sporting a full beard, which he deems appropriate for his character; the studio, already cheesed at shelling out $5 million for a non-bankable "star", flips and demands that he shave; Linson, facing the possibility of replacing Baldwin with the less physically intimidating Bill Pullman (hot off of ID4 at the time), girds for war and, roughly, the following blow-up occurs.

I think I need to rewatch that.  Does he want to keep the beard?  It didn't really say.



JENIFAA YOPEZ IS BACK, FAT

By brendon July 08, 2008 @ 8:00 AM

Jennifer Lopez is somewhere today.  I don’t know, Italy maybe.  That’s where she was this weekend.  So she’s probably still there.  Anyway, she went swimming and then some stuff happened and then she got out and waddled around the deck, stopping only twice to gasp for air. Or maybe just to towel off.  I know this post hasn't been very informative, but I'm no fatty, so I don't really know what it is they do. The End.