why wont you die, bitch

By brendon April 15, 2010 @ 9:50 AM

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Yesterday was an important day for Lindsay Lohan because she had a deposition with her attorneys about the time she stole an Escalade and went on a high speed chase down PCH in 2007. Serious stuff. So of course Lindsay didn’t do it and went shopping instead. Then she went and got drunk. Somehow this bitch is still alive. She’s like the fuckin Terminator. I want to punch her in her stupid freckled face so bad but I’m scared I might break my hand. Either that or my fist would sink into her head and get stuck there and then she’d stab me with her arm.

(image source = wenn and pacific coast)

kate hudson is disapointing

By brendon April 14, 2010 @ 5:55 PM

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Is there anything hotter than a flat chested actress with a lumpy stomach in a bikini shoving fattening food into her fat face? Yes. Yes there is. Thousands of things actually. But we don’t have any of those thing right now. What we have is Kate Hudson.

ashley dupree is naked in playboy

By brendon April 14, 2010 @ 5:01 PM

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Ashley Dupree will be on Opie and Anthony tomorrow morning to talk about her time as an escort and her part in bringing down Eliot Spitzer, who was Governor of New York when he saw her as a client. More to the point, she’ll talk about taking all her clothes off and letting Playboy take pictures of her hot body so that we can see her naked. What a friendly girl. I really like her attitude.

( a few pics under the cut. way, way more on playboy.com)

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charlie sheen is a degenerate

By brendon April 14, 2010 @ 4:11 PM

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Charlie Sheen once bought a $6000 sex doll, dressed it as a cheerleader, paid two hookers to have an orgy with it, then chopped off its hand with a cleaver, wrapped it in a blanket and disposed of it in a dumpster (source).

I just want to make sure everyone knows what kind of degenerate weirdo Charlie Sheen is before they hear him claim he wasn’t banging a whore in the bed he shares with his wife, but was simply helping her with a 12-step program. While wearing a disguise. Radar says…

Charlie took (prostitute) Angelina Tracy back to the house on more than one occasion and had sex with her in the bed he shares with his wife
Charlie Sheen says she was a woman in need of counseling. Other people say she was his sexual partner.
No one disputes that she’s a paid escort.
When (his wife) was around, Charlie took Angelina to a friend’s guest house to spend time with her there.

(Sheen) has been busted cheating, with photographs surfacing of him wearing a ridiculous fake moustache disguise while meeting Angelina.

Charlie’s rep released this statement about the cheating charges with Angelina: “The woman in question is the sister of one of Sheen’s campmates and Sheen was only responding to a 12th step call. Since Sheen knew he was being followed and how this would look, he wore the moustache in a tongue and cheek disguise gesture.”

I’m not even sure what the hell he’s charged with in this Christmas day thing, but I’m 100 percent certain that he’s guilty and he should be sentenced to hang. A big slice of Humble Pie is just what this character needs.

charlie sheen is an idiot

By brendon April 14, 2010 @ 2:39 PM

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When the police arrived at Charlie Sheens house on Christmas day after he threatened to kill his wife, he admitted that he broke her glasses among other things, but now his lawyers want all that thrown out. And it might work too, as long as they try his case on a TV show about renegade cops.

Charlie’s lawyers claim  … when officers arrived at his home on Christmas Day, the “Two and a Half Men” star was effectively in custody, because anyone in Charlie’s shoes would have felt they were not free to leave.  People in custody must be told they have a right to remain silent, a right to an attorney, etc., before cops can question them.

What? STFU. No they don’t. And Sheen has been arrested a hundred times, he knows how this works. The guy is a scumbag and always has been. If he died today I would go jack off on his grave. God I hate this asshole.

elin is divorcing tiger

By brendon April 14, 2010 @ 12:35 PM

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After it was revealed that Tiger Woods cheated on Elin Nordegren with around 20 different women, including porn stars and prostitutes, he gave a robotic apology and said Elin was the most important thing in the world. He even retired from golf to devote 100 percent of his time toward fixing his marriage. Then a few weeks later he played in the Masters.

Hey guess who’s had enough of his shit.

Just days after Woods completed his triumphant return to golf following his cheating scandal, Entertainment Tonight reports Nordegren, who failed to show at his Masters comeback, is close to filing for divorce.
Correspondent Kevin Frazier, who has links to Woods, said: “For weeks now there have been rumors that Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren might reconcile and save their marriage.
“It was believed by going to sex rehab that Tiger had done just enough to keep his family together. But sources have told me that the marriage is indeed over.
“The couple hasn’t spoken for quite some time and it is believed that all they have to do is work out a few more details on their divorce and they can sign the divorce decree and both can move on with their lives.”

It’s one thing for someone like Mel Gibson to cheat. He was married for 25 years. People grow apart. Plus she had like 30 kids so her vagina probably looked like someone picked her up and swung her around by it.

But Woods and Jesse James cheated from start to finish. They didn’t even pretend to be faithful, and now their wives have been really embarrassed. That’s fucked up. But then again I have a great deal of respect for women. I’m currently single, and my hobbies include crunches and listening to stories about how someones day went. Call me, ladies!

heidi montag was sexually harrassed

By brendon April 14, 2010 @ 11:36 AM

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Heidi Montag used to be a boring idiot, but then she got DDD implants and now she’s really smart and funny. Unfortunately for Adam DiVello, executive producer of ‘the Hills’, Heidis new level of intrigue might get him sued for sexual harassment because of an incident that happened last month during a photo shoot. Life and Style says…

“Adam came up to her from behind and grabbed her with one hand on her stomach and one hand directly on her butt cheek.”
“Heidi started bringing security to the set because she felt Adam was getting a little creepy. He was very touchy-feely and she insisted he wouldn’t stop asking her to strip down to a bikini for scenes. Adam wasn’t on set much for six seasons until Heidi got her new boobs. And now he shows up everywhere.”

What is this country coming to when you can’t even sexually harass dumb whores? I mean, you gotta sexually harass someone. Who’s left for Christs sake? This is what happens when you elect a bunch of pussy democrats. Barry Goldwater would have had a good laugh about this lawsuit, then slapped her on the ass and said, “get along now, little lady.” Because he was a man.

hugh hefner says tiger and jesse james are creeps

By brendon April 13, 2010 @ 5:48 PM

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Hugh Hefner has had three girlfriends, all at the same time, and they all lived together, and he did that not once but twice. Before that he had seven girlfriends. So when he calls a guy a creep for sleeping around, it’s safe to say that guy is a piece of shit.

Asked by Page Six what he thought about Tiger Woods, Hef said. “When you get married, you make a commitment. I had a lot of girlfriends, but it’s not the same as cheating. I don’t cheat. I am very open about what I do . . . Sandra Bullock’s husband looks like a real creep. I think that when you are in a relationship, you should be honest. The real immorality of infidelity is the lying.”

And when asked if he thought Tiger could be faithful from now on, Hef said…

“He can if he wants to. But this whole idea that it’s a sex addiction is a copout. Some people become obsessed with sex, but it’s not like an alcohol or drug addiction. He did it because he could get away with it.”

I know that if I want the cool kids to like me I’m supposed to act like Tiger is cool and say “Elin had to know, it’s her fault too”, but both these guys are fuckin losers. To humiliate Sandra and Elin the way they did is just wrong. It would be one thing if their wives put on weight, like 10 pounds, or if she cut her hair real short. Or if you met a new girl and wanted to fuck her. Or if you were pretty certain your wife wouldn’t find out, or if you were mad at your wife, or if a new girl was hitting on you and she had bigger breasts than your wife, or if you ran into an old girlfriend, or if a really sexy girl passed out at a party and there were no witnesses around. Those are the only valid reasons. But other than that, these guys are real jerks.