Katie Holmes is a bad mom

By brendon March 16, 2011 @ 4:45 PM

katie_holmes_suri_cruise_gummie_penis

The Daily Mail says today that Katie Holmes was out with Suri, who is 4, at a restaurant called Serendipity 3 in New York last night, and on the way out Suri picked up a box of gummi penises.

The box features cartoon like drawings of male genitalia, and unsurprisingly Suri seemed somewhat captivated by the brightly coloured packaging which contained penis-shaped jelly sweets.
Katie seemed as oblivious to adult candy as she was to the late hour.
The phallic shaped sweets were quite clearly an inappropriate choice for the four-year-old.

As a guy I’m much less concerned with Suri seeing a penis than I am by the idea that a new generation of girls think a penis is supposed to be bitten and chewed.

Kate Beckinsale is back for ‘Underworld 4′

By brendon March 16, 2011 @ 4:23 PM

EXCLUSIVE: Kate Beckinsale On The Set Of 'Underworld 4: New Dawn

The first 3 Underworld movies have only made around $300 million, total, (1, 2, 3) yet for some reason they’re making a fourth, this time in 3D, but at least they got Kate Beckinsale back in the lead (she was in 1 and 2 but not 3) and back in her skin tight outfits. If there’s one universal truth about fighting, no matter what kind of monster you may be, is that it’s hard to do when you have an erection.

(image source = flynet)

Hermione is a model now

By brendon March 16, 2011 @ 2:59 PM

emma_watson_lancome_paris_0

Emma Watson is the new face for Lancome cosmetics, so if you want to look young and youthful, like you’re 20, you should buy their stuff. It also helps if you’re actually 20, like Emma. Last night she shot her first campaign in Paris, the theme being, “prostitutes I would drive past at first to see what my options were.”

Ciara is here to help

By brendon March 16, 2011 @ 1:55 PM

ciara_pedicure

These aren’t the greatest pictures of Ciara ever taken, but average pictures of her getting a pedicure yesterday in Beverly Hills, in little shorts that show off her perfect legs, are still better than the best pictures of Ke$ha. Granted I’ve been in love with Ciara ever since this. This must be why they only have girls work in pedicure shops because if a girl this hot put her feet out, the temptation to push them together and fuck them would be just about overwhelming.

(image source = fame)

Vanessa Hudgens is upset about her naked pictures

By brendon March 16, 2011 @ 10:48 AM

vanessa_hudgens

This kind of thing would probably just go away if she werent so quick to acknowledge it, since all that does is confirm it that it really is her, but an attorney for Vanessa Hudgens says she’s upset about the new round of naked pictures that leaked yesterday, more pictures from the same set she took 4 years ago.

“Vanessa is deeply upset and angered that these old photos, which were taken years ago, continue to resurface,” the star’s attorney, Christopher Wong, tells Us.com in a statement.
No word yet on who is behind the leak, or how they got a hold of the R-rated photos in the place.
Continues Wong: “It is particularly disturbing that whoever got hold of these private photos seems to be intent on illegally leaking them out over a long period of time. We are actively working with law enforcement to determine who is responsible and hold them accountable for their actions.”

“Deeply upset”? What is she so upset about? She was 18 and skinny and naked.  She’s one of our greatest heroes.  This would be like a fireman being upset about saving all those orphans or me feeling bad about pleasuring so many beautiful models.  The ladies, I am like sugar to them!

Selena Gomez is getting better at this

By brendon March 15, 2011 @ 4:46 PM

Selena Gomez

Selena Gomez was on the Late Show With David Letterman yesterday, and I’m sort of amazed that she wore this sexy lace top and short little skirt. She’s normally so conservative. It’s one of the things she and her boyfriend Justin Bieber have in common. They’re both daddies little girl.

(image source = inf daily)

Tony Hawk is sleeping with his best friends wife, pt. 2

By brendon March 15, 2011 @ 3:47 PM

tony_hawk_and_lhotse_merriam

Over a month ago, on February 8th, to be exact, I mentioned that Tony Hawk was getting divorced for the third time because he’s having an affair with the wife of his lifelong friend and business partner Matt Goodman. And today Page Six comfirms that I do, on very rare occasions, know what I’m talking about, or more accurately that I know how to open email.

Wealthy skateboarding legend Tony Hawk dumped his third wife, Lhotse Merriam, for his best friend and business partner Matt Goodman’s wife, Cathy, sources told Page Six.
Merriam found out about her action-sport-star husband’s new relationship in December after she found a plane ticket for Cathy that Hawk had booked for her to join him in San Francisco — despite his being lifelong friends with Matt Goodman.
Cathy was married to Goodman for nearly 20 years, and they have two kids. Sources said Goodman and Cathy have now separated.
Hawk and Cathy were recently spotted in New York together, sources said.
Hawk and Goodman had been friends since childhood. Sources told us Goodman stood as a groomsman at every one of Hawk’s three weddings.

Now I just need someone to confirm my other exclusive from February that Charlie Sheens mom was the product of a rape. And then my exclusive report about how my dong is enormous. That one is gonna rock Hollywood to its core.

Kacey Jordan tried to kill herself

By brendon March 15, 2011 @ 3:00 PM

kacey_jordan_10_6_b

Kacey Jordan of course is the porn star who was with Charlie Sheen the night he was rushed to the hospital a few weeks ago, and who then did countless interviews detailing every minute of it. But she hasn’t been able to forget about her time with Charlie. Those 16 hours really messed her up.

“those 16 hours i was with charlie sheen… messed me up… i can’t get that image out of my head…”

See, I told you they did. She put that on her twitter last night during what might have been a suicide attempt.

“i just snorted a fat line and i get a wake up call for my pedicure spa appointment in 15 min…. this is going to be a great conversation!”

“i took a bunch of pills…drank a hotel size bottle of jack… stumbled to the bathroom to weigh myself………86 lbs”

“I’m Soooo bored in this hospital bed! I wanna have someone save me… And kpuff doesn’t have underwear?!!”

The hotel intervened and the police were called, and she appears to be okay for now, in the sense that she’s not physically dead. I’m sure she’s still a complete mess in every other possible way. It maybe didn’t help when the doctor gave her her meds by telling her to get on her knees and open her mouth.