Minka Kelly is in St Barths this week with her boyfriend, New York Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter. He’s really famous, so I have to sweeten the pot if my plan to steal her away is gonna work. The commercials for Kay Jewelers suggested this Loves Embrace pendant. While the world may change at a hectic pace, she and I will be safe in Loves Embrace. Let’s see Jeter try and top this.
Todays headlines are sponsored by Barney, the fattest Dalmatian in England. He’s not the fattest black and white mix breed in England though. Hint hint, Mariah Carey. (barney pix here and here and here. source = splash)
DAVID FINCHER – was called in to create a menu screen for the BluRay release of ‘Fight Club’, so he copied the one from ‘Never Been Kissed’ starring Drew Barrymore. He meant it as a joke, but they do have things in common. They both make me want to punch someone, for example. (yahoo)
CHRIS BROWN – is struggling to fill even small venues during his comeback tour, and scalpers outside are selling tickets below cost. Maybe because lyrics like “babe pretty thick, that need to be hit” seem more threatening than sexy now. That’s either about a pretty girl he’d like to make love to, or a slow learner who needs a little reminding. (ny daily news)
BRAD PITT - turned down a $5M appearance fee and a trip to the United Arab Emirates because it was on Oct. 31st, and he wanted to go out with his kids on Halloween. What I’m trying to say is, Brad Pitt is an idiot. (msnbc)
BEHATI PRISLOO – is a pro. The model shot for Victorias Secret in New York today, and notice how everyone else is all bundled up and she’s essentially naked. Bullshit like this is why I got out of swimsuit modeling. (inf daily)
This is bad timing because of that last reality show post, but at least Tila Tequila did something interesting this morning when she turned on her camera, waved a gun around, took her clothes off and ranted for hours online about Shawn Meriman beating her and drugs and people who hate her.
“People call me an attention whore .. or whatever … but excuse me I’m a grown ass woman and I’m confident in myself. I think a woman’s body is a beautiful thing … that’s why I’m a lesbian … I was born naked … anybody who is against that is gay and in denial.”
“I am an angel … because I am here to save the world with my army.”
I don’t think Tila is pretty but she takes all of her clothes off in order to get attention, and that’s a very endearing quality. It says a lot about a girl. She’s not all uptight and conceited and selfish. A girl who will show you her tits for no reason is gonna be fun to hang around with. And if the demons in her head occasionally tell her to have sex with me for attention, well that just makes her even more exciting.
Despite all evidence to the contrary, there are a lot of really smart and creative people trying to work in TV and movies. But those people cost money, so instead the networks doom us to live with this army of reality show retards who aren’t smart, funny, insightful or attractive. At least AnnaLynne McCord has had enough. Page Six says…
McCord refused to be photographed with “The Hills” star Stephanie Pratt at an LA party Tuesday.
Nice. Good. I need an army of Space Monkeys like the real Tyler Durden. I’d give them all smoke grenades, and they’d go out and find someone like Nick Hogan or Perez or Spencer Pratt. Then they could set one of the grenades off and beat the shit out of them in all the confusion. Then disappear before the smoke cleared. Sounds awesome, right? Does anyone know how to get a Space Monkey army? I typed “army obey vengeance utopia” followed by my zip code into google but nothing came up.
Mariah Carey once had her limo circle the block at 2:15am until her London hotel laid down a red carpet lined with white candles and rose pedals because she refused to walk on concrete, so this new story should have been expected. The Daily Mail says…
(Officials) have flatly turned down her demands to be surrounded by 20 white kittens and 100 white doves as she turns on a shopping centre’s Christmas lights.
(Her list of demands also) included being driven by Rolls Royce along a pink carpet right to the pink podium where she is to wave a wand to turn on the lights.
A source revealed the model of car had to be changed six times before she was finally happy.
Miss Carey, 39, also wants confetti shaped like butterflies to shower over her at the end. She has also requested an entourage of 15 along with about 80 security guards.
It seems like if you’re gonna jump through all these hoops to get Mariah at your event, you should get more out of it then her turning on some lights. If they really want media attention, they should put someone on a rooftop and shoot her with a paintball gun. Hit her right in the forehead so on the news it looks like her head exploded. But don’t tell Mariah before you do it. She’ll just bitch about it. She always has to find some reason to complain.
Claire Danes was at the ‘Me & Orson Welles’ premiere last night in London, but this is not the classy and elegant lady I remember. In the sheer black top she was wearing, all I had to do was use Photoshop CS4 (which you can buy anywhere for around $900), then open each picture, select the Image menu, then Adjustments, then Brightness/Contrast. After that I just brightened the hell out of each picture frame-by-frame, and now you can sort of see her nipples. What a whore! “Put some clothes on you whore!”
Now that Amy Winehouse has some rock hard implants to compliment her pale, sickly figure, you may be telling people there’s no way she could get any hotter. Well it turns out you’re a god damn liar! The Sun says…
(Amys dad Mitch) revealed the real reason behind Amy’s trip to hospital at the weekend – and it’s not pretty.
He said: “She’s fine, she just had a little (Mitch points to his chest) leaky something or other.”
A friend of Amy’s adds: “She saw something oozing out on to her top. She was worried as they looked wonky and to see stuff seeping out was horrible.”
Me and Amy are heatin things up this morning, because the gallery below has some of her topless beach pics from last summer. After a sexy swim in the ocean, Amy went to the wrong hotel room, took an entire bottle of codeine the guest happen to have, drank all the alcohol from their bar, then passed out naked on the floor. Actually I made that up but it sounds like something she would do, so it probably is true.
WILL FERRELL – is the most overpaid star in Hollywood when looking at what he costs to hire compared to what his movies make at the box office. Ewan McGregor, Billy Bob Thornton, Eddie Murphy and Ice Cube round out the top 5. Which means I either misread something or Hollywood casts movies by randomly picking names out of a hat. (forbes)
NICOLE RICHIE – has checked into Cedars-Sinai hospital in LA for pneumonia. Did you know pneumonia is the leading cause of death for women? No not really. I just made that up. What is number 1? Does anyone know? And how can we make sure she gets that? (us weekly)
CARRIE PREJEAN – initially claimed she was 17 when she made 8 movies of herself masturbating for an ex boyfriend, but now it’s being reported she was 20 at the time. I can still pretend she was 17 though, right? I don’t think internet reports are legally binding. (radar)
KATY PERRY – went to the gym and then tried on some snowboard gear today in LA. Awesome, right? They should make a movie out of this. (wenn and pacific coast)