Avril is headed for divorce

By brendon August 27, 2009 @ 1:41 PM

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This won’t win any points with the cool kids, but I think Sum 41 is okay. “We’re All To Blame” is a good song, and “Fat Lip”. So it seemed weird that Sums lead singer would put up with Avril Lavignes bratty little ass for all these years. I guess it turns out he was surprised by this turn of events too. The New York Daily News says…

Trouble has been brewing since early this year for Lavigne and Deryck Whibley, who haven’t been photographed together since last December … sources close to the couple, who have been married since 2006, say they’re headed for Splitsville.
That seemed apparent when the Canadian songstress was out and about in Southampton last weekend – sans hubby and looking anything but married.
A spy at celebrity eatery Georgica indeed saw Lavigne getting away – but hardly spending any time alone. Instead, says the onlooker, she was partying hard and hanging with a number of male admirers.

Another report said she did it with a guy named Sam Hendricks, but if that’s who I think it is, that dude is gayer than soy milk.  More to the point, Avril needs to wake the hell up.  She got famous at like 16, and teen girls are naturally stupid anyway, but famous teen girls are practically retarded. You could sit at home by yourself and practice being annoying in the mirror and still not do it any better than Avril.

Ginger Spice is kind of hot

By brendon August 27, 2009 @ 11:55 AM

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Ginger Spice, who also goes by the name Gerri Halliwell, is in Sardinia, Monaco, today, doing what all famous people do, namely lounging around on a yacht in a bikini. I think once you get famous they just issue you a yacht. But she’s not the only one reaping the benefits of her status. As of August 1st, it’s been three years since the “misunderstanding”. I no longer have to order Girl Scout cookies online anymore, they can come right to the door again!

(6 more pics here.  hq jump here.  source = fame)

Afternoon Headlines

By brendon August 26, 2009 @ 3:57 PM

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X FACTOR – a 27-year-old named Danyl Johnson is a superstar in the UK today after giving what Simon Cowell called the best first audition he’d ever seen. Still I say we start tearing him down right away instead of waiting a few weeks. Booo, you suck, get out of here you piece of shit! (source = youtube)

INCEPTION – few projects have been more cloaked in secrecy than the new film from Christopher Nolan and Leonardo DiCaprio (trailer here), but this website says they know the plot. And that’s the great thing about the internet. They wouldn’t lie to you. (incontention)

EMMA ROBERTS – is Julia Roberts cousin, and she played Nancy Drew in the Nancy Drew movie, but she’s hoping to grow into different roles, especially once the doctors figure out what sex she is. (hq jump here.  source = splash)

The Lindsay sex tape, part 3

By brendon August 26, 2009 @ 2:13 PM

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Lindsay Lohans house was robbed again this past weekend, and new details are coming out claiming the culprit was someone Lindsay knew, someone after something very specific. Detective Freckles is on the case!

…that’s how i know it was not a ROBBERY. electronics weren’t taken… just things that a certain old friend knew meant a lot to me

And what might that be:

I’ve learned the real reason Lindsay Lohan is so upset about the theft of the safe from her L.A. house is the contents included some very incriminating videos and photos, plus legal documents, that LiLo believes could cause embarrassment if made public.

Back in March I talked to two people who said a plan was in place for her to sell a sex tape that would be released in two parts (more here). I have no idea if this is the beginning of that plan or not, but if it’s not I think anyone who tries to sell a sex tape they made with a celebrity is reprehensible and should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Unless I’m the one doing it, in which case settle down baby, you looked terrific.

Win more Katy Perry tickets now

By brendon August 26, 2009 @ 2:12 PM

v festival chelmsford day two 5 230809 Okay so I have 8 tickets to see Katy Perry, live at the Hollywood Palladium this Saturday night. But I’m no good at thinking up contests. Let’s just do this: I’m thinking of a number between 1 and 100. The first 4 who get it get 2 tix each. Email what it might be to the new contact address: brendon@whatwouldtyler.com

Or if you’re a hot girl just send topless pictures. Of course I won’t hold my breath because I’ve been doing this damn site for 4 years and never once has a girl sent me topless pictures. Is Tyler blocked everywhere except for Mormon math camps or something, jesus christ.

UPDATE – 2 down, 6 to go.

UPDATE – 4 down, 4 to go.  And stop guessing 69 ya fukkin perverts.

UPDATE – I swear to you, its not 69.  God you people are filthy.

UPDATE – 6 down, 2 to go.  Maybe the number has changed to 69 now.  Try guessing that a hundred more times. Maybe I thought it was something else.

UPDATE – 47.  it was 47.  another good number is 0.  that’s how many pictures came in. is it just prisoners reading this. do you people not have phones.

Megan Fox is Catwoman

By brendon August 26, 2009 @ 12:48 PM

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First of all yes obviously that’s not Catwoman. But there’s no fake Megan Fox picture where she’s Catwoman in body paint and a skirt that doesn’t cover anything (glorious NSFW hq here). So this may be as close as we get, even though the Sun is reporting today that Megan has been cast by Christopher Nolan for his third Bat Man movie.

These are the same people who said Eddie Murphy had been cast as the Riddler back in December. Both things are 100 percent not true. There’s no script, no story, no villains, no casting other than the ones who have been in the first two.

Of course if Nolan does go with Catwoman, Fox would be perfect. Maybe too perfect. You would see me walking out of the theater two months after it premiered with a big long beard and real emaciated, cringing under the sunlight as my now mole-like pink skin starts to smoke.

Can you do anything right?

By brendon August 26, 2009 @ 11:09 AM

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Jessica Simpsons unique ability to never do anything right (or more likely her dads) has struck paydirt once again with the debut of her new perfume. Fancy Love? Are you fcuking serious? It sounds like a black stripper. And not a good one, by the way. One too fat to pole dance so she just goes to the front of the stage and puts one hand behind her head and the other on her hip and thrusts her vagina at you like some kind of threat. One with c-section scars who works in a club called CinnaBuns near the airport.

So way to go Jess, Good luck with this.

Chris Brown was violent before

By brendon August 26, 2009 @ 10:41 AM

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When Chris Brown was sentenced yesterday to 5 years’ probation and 6 months’ of community service for beating Rihanna on February 8th, the judge also refused Rihannas request to strike down the order demanding Brown stay at least 300 yards away from her at all times. Equally surprising was that the judge confirmed reports that Brown had been violent before. The Daily Mail says…

A probation report prepared for Tuesday’s sentencing describes two previous incidents … the first happened about three months before the February beating while the couple was traveling in Europe; Rihanna slapped Brown during an argument, and he shoved her into a wall.
In the second instance, Brown allegedly broke the front and passenger side windows on a Range Rover they were driving while visiting Barbados. Neither attack was reported, the probation report states.

I realize that some people will look at those two instances and suggest they’re no big deal because he didn’t actually hit her on those occasions, and I think that’s a pretty good way to judge how much of an asshole this guy is, because it means the simple act of not punching a girl has somehow become commendable.

(hq jump here. source = splash news online)