Her handlers are claiming Britneys twitter page was hacked this morning after the wallpaper changed and two posts revealing her allegiance to the devil were posted, but of course they’re gonna say that. Nice try. It’s fairly obvious that she worships Satan. Or, hey look, if you have a better theory as to how an average looking white girl who can’t sing or dance made a billion dollars with her sexy singing and dancing, I’m all ears.
Taylor Swift is probably too sweet to realize how it would look when paparazzi had her kiss the very phallic statue last night after the CMA awards, but she probably doesn’t care considering she just went beast mode and won every award in sight. Still only 19-years-old, she won all 4 awards she was nominated for, but the headline was when she became the youngest person to ever win Entertainer of the Year (the biggest award) and the first female to take it since Shania Twain in 1999.
“I’ll never forget this moment because in this moment everything that I have ever wanted has just happened to me,” Swift said through tears as she accepted the association’s highest honour during ceremonies at Sommet Center.
The 19-year-old crossover sensation beat the biggest names in country and snapped Kenny Chesney’s stranglehold on the category: He won three straight and four of the last five. She also ended Carrie Underwood’s three-year dominance in the female vocalist category.
Chesney hugged and kissed Swift on the cheek, then whispered a message in her ear before she received the trophy. She called her band on stage and was the centre of a group hug as fans cheered wildly, holding signs that said, “We love you, Taylor”; her father cried in the audience.
“Every single person in that category let me open up for them this year,” Swift said. “Thank you all so much. I love you.”
I couldn’t even afford a soft taco when I was 19, so I’m tempted to tell Taylor to kiss my ass, but gratitude is an incredibly endearing quality and she seems nice and she writes all her own songs so it’s hard to resent her. I could have been rich and famous at 19 too, except my only noticeable talent was right-clicking pictures of underage girls and naked models and then masturbating. I went down to the French Quarter where the street performers hang out and did my act for tips, but it wasn’t really the money making extravaganza I had hoped for.
A new billboard in SoHo for Calvin Klein is getting some people all worked up because they claim it’s, “borderline pornography”. The ad, which features Eva Mendes, is also on Sunset Blvd. in West Hollywood, but no one there seems to be complaining. Maybe because much of the real pornography is filmed 2 minutes away in mansions in the Hollywood Hills. You’re going to have a hard time upsetting someone who just spent the morning with ‘Down The Hatch 19’ filming next door.
Last night was the much anticipated “three-way” on ‘Gossip Girl’, and in a very much related story, kiss my ass ‘Gossip Girl’. Even though it featured Hilary Duff slightly nuzzling up against another girl, that was not a three-way according to any rational definition of the term “three-way”. It’s only a three-way if at some point you ask the girl if she likes it and the only answer she can give is “hhrrummm”.
Today of course is Veterans Day in the US, where we honor the awesome killing power of the American military and the god like race of supermen who defend us. Our military is so advanced and our soldiers so superior that if our government wasn’t filled with such panicky little girls they could go to war with any country on Earth and it would be the equivalent of Zeus throwing lighting down on the trembling peasants below.
Most people in Hollywood look down on the military because they’re pussies who want you to believe problems can’t be solved by kicking the other persons ass. Rest assured that any guy who ever says that has witnessed first hand as violence solved quite a few problems, but maybe can’t see it that way because he was the problem. When someone says violence never solves anything, what they really mean is, “oh please god stop hitting me.”
Luckily AnnaLynne McCord does support the troops, and this morning in New York she hosted Cosmopolitan magazine and Maybelline’s “Kisses for the Troops”. AnnaLynne said…
“My sister was in the National Guard. I know what she went through, and what these guys go through. It’s amazing what they’re doing for our country every single day.”
I wish we had big parades today like the Russians used to where they showed off all their missiles and tanks and guns and stuff. Then other countries would know how badass we are. Unless you’re Darth Maul, an American soldier can kill you before you even have time to wonder what that splashing sound is (note: your intestines + the ground). They’ll kill you even if you are Darth Maul, but you could probably fight them off long enough to shit your pants, so I guess that’s something.
These tapes from Michael Lohan on Radar get less shocking by the day. Yesterdays was clearly just made up, and todays tells us things we already knew. Namely that Lindsay is a cutter. Tomorrows tape: Lindsay’s not a natural blond.
It was in November of 2006 that people started to ask about the mysterious scratches on Lindsays wrists and wondered why she was wrapped in bandages so often (last 4 pix below). It came up again last year, when pictures of her at a screening for ‘Ugly Betty’ showed clear scars across the inside of her forearm (first 4).
In 2006 her publicist said Lindsay had fallen in some bushes and that’s how she got scratched up. Some bushes apparently made of bunny rabbits and cotton except for one branch of rusty jagged steel about 4 feet high. Her mom however said…
In an explosive audio tape obtained exclusively by RadarOnline.com, Dina Lohan admits that Lindsay is cutting herself. Talking to Lindsay’s father Michael, Dina says at one point:” Her cutting herself and hurting herself? Yeah, it’s bad Michael, it’s bad.”
I don’t mean to make light of this because cutting is a serious problem. It’s a cry for help from the lonely. Believe me, I know. In fact if I don’t get a new girlfriend soon, I may have to call my ex after another one of my Christmas “accidents”.
Carrie Amstutz spent some time on the beach in Miami yesterday, and of course I don’t need to tell you who Carrie Astutz is. By that I mean I can’t tell you who she is. May God strike me down if I’m lying because I have never seen or heard of this woman in my life. According to Splash, she’s “from the E! tv series ‘Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami’”. I know what most of those words mean individually but when arranged in that order I have no idea what they’re trying to tell me. They might as well have said “king duck toast loves bath time.” But, whatever, she’s kind of hot and mostly naked, and it turns out that’s more than enough to get a girl mentioned on Tyler.
(image source = splash news online)
Jennifer Garner went to dinner at Madeo in Beverly Hills last night with Jessica Biel. I think. I think that’s Jennifer Garner. It might not be. Because this person is acting as if they’ve never seen a camera before. It’s like when they first pulled back the curtain on King Kong. If I were those photographers, I would turn and run as fast as my legs would carry me, because she is gonna grab the first living thing she can and kill it.