kimmel > leno. again.

By brendon January 15, 2010 @ 1:14 PM

When Jimmy Kimmel began his show earlier this week by doing an impression of Jay Leno and insulting him for 5 minutes, seemingly in defense of Conan O’Brien, Leno knew what he had to do: he had to have Kimmel on his show. And so that’s what he did. Oh and it went just great.

Question 5
LENO: Whats the best prank youve ever pulled?
JIMMY: …I think the best prank I ever pulled was, I told a guy, 5 years from now, I’m gonna give you my show, and then when the 5 years came I gave it to him and then I took it back almost instantly. It was hilarious. I think he works at Fox or something now.

Question 6
LENO: Have you ever ordered anything off the TV?
JIMMY: You mean like NBC ordered your show off the TV?

It actually gets worse after that. NBC and Leno really have their fingers on the pulse of America. That studio must have labels and stickers on everything so these doofusses don’t end up eating a hat, or finding a beaker with hissing blue liquid in it and stirring it with their dicks.

see-thru ashley greene is filler

By brendon January 15, 2010 @ 12:23 PM


I’m surprised at how late it is already this morning, but before this I was even more surprised that 20 fat people at a Weight Watchers meeting in Sweden broke the building, and it took a while to stop squealing with delight.

Luckily, all of the dieters escaped uninjured and managed to move the scales to the corridor, which was not damaged in the accident, and were able to complete their weekly weigh in.
The cause of the floor’s collapse remains under investigation.

Is it? Is it under investigation? As long as this was the same place they always held their meetings, I have one theory, and it smells like sizzling bacon. If this was a new location, and they were lead there by a trail of signs promising punch and pie and then an arrow, than there’s a problem, as this was probably orchestrated by someone trying to murder the floor below.

conan is done next week

By brendon January 14, 2010 @ 5:54 PM


Despite reports claiming Jay Leno was outraged about the way NBC was treating Conan O’Brien and would refuse to host ‘the Tonight Show’ because of it, Jay Leno will host ‘the Tonight Show’ starting next month, and today he signed a new contract making it official. The New York Post says…

Late-night funnyman Conan O’Brien’s last night as host of “The Tonight Show” will likely be next Friday, allowing Jay Leno to reclaim his old time slot.
“Conan does not currently plan on doing any more new shows after next week,” a source told People magazine’s Web site this afternoon.
Leno struck a deal with NBC to reclaim the 11:35 p.m. to 12:35 a.m. “Tonight Show” slot.

Is “piece of shit” hyphenated? When you use it to describe someone? Because I was trying to organize my thoughts on Leno and that one came up a few times. I wanna make sure everything is just right.

beyonce will do anything for money

By brendon January 14, 2010 @ 5:33 PM


Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi has financed and run terrorist attacks that have killed countless thousands over the years, including the 1972 attack on the Munich Olympics (11 Israeli athletes kidnapped and murdered), Pan Am flight 103 over Lockerbee Scotland (270 dead) and UTA flight 772 in Africa (170 dead). If you spoke out against him, he might invoke his, “right to liquidate any opponent to the revolution, in or out of the country”, and assemble a hit squad to hunt down and execute you no matter where you live, like he did when he ordered the murder of 5 Libyans in Italy.

But, whatever, all that shit is depressing. Me and Beyonce just wanna dance!

Beyoncé appears unable to say no to any gig – even when the host is the leering son of a Middle-Eastern despot – if a reputed $2m is on the table.
And so the stunning chart-topper found herself performing hits in a leotard on a tiny stage in tacky surroundings on New Year’s Eve in the Caribbean island of St Barts.
In pictures she can be seen strutting and kneeling before Muatsim Gaddafi.
Muatsim, the third son of the Libyan leader Muammar-al Gaddafi, couldn’t take his eyes off the Crazy In Love star as she gyrated and sang in front of him.

According to Forbes, she and Jay Z made $122 million last year. Without that show it would have been 120 million, so apparently she just did it to tell the world to go fuck itself. Maybe she can use that 2 million to round up and eat the last few pandas, or fill an oil tanker with ink and dump it into the ocean.

lindsay has a sex tape, part 4

By brendon January 14, 2010 @ 3:59 PM


Back in April, this was on Tyler after talking to two separate parties about a Lindsay Lohan sex tape.

Very obviously, Lindsay Lohan isn’t gonna get gangbanged in a rented out bowling alley (that’s not a euphemism for her vagina by the way), but she can choose some guy she likes, fly to a resort and get on her knees while he films it. 

And today the Mirror UK says…

Lindsay Lohan’s latest movie project is said to be “dynamite” – but she’s praying no one ever gets to see it…
The Mean Girls star, 23, is bracing herself for the internet release of a sexplicit video file which shows her engaging in, ahem, “adult activity”.
A 47-second tape of Lilo frolicking in the buff with a mystery male is currently being touted around LA.

I have no idea if this is part of the sex tape thing from April or not, but Lindsay doesn’t have any money. She hasn’t been paid to star in a movie since 2006. All she does is get drunk and high and have sex with things. And since April she’s taken trips to St. Barths, Paris, Singapore, London (twice), Hawaii, and been back and forth to Vegas and New York to many times to keep track. And she was driving a Maserati a porn producer loaned her. Somethin is up. So if she did a sex tape she needs to just release the damn thing. I’m tired of waiting. That’s why last night I went and slashed her tires. I’m done playing games.

ohai penelope cruz

By brendon January 14, 2010 @ 2:19 PM


Javier Bardem took time off from starring as Jeffrey Dean Morgan in the Raul Julia Story to go to Brazil and have Penelope Cruz stick a finger up his ass. And good for him. That’s what life is all about. The last thing you want is to be on your death bed wondering if Penelope Cruz would have stuck her finger up your ass. The not knowing, that’s what would haunt you.

(source = fame pictures)

julia roberts is mean, ugly

By brendon January 14, 2010 @ 12:48 PM


Julia Roberts has been on this page 8 times, and 6 of those times were because she’s a bitter old pain in the ass. One time it was for parking in a handicapped spot, twice it was for cursing out the paparazzi (1, 2), once it was for giving her kids dumb names, last time it was for being a bitch in India.

Number 9 is a personal email sent to me last night from her neighbor in Malibu. Try and guess if it’s good.

I would normally never email anything about  a celebrity like this, but I love you and I am Julia Robert’s neighbor and steam is coming out of my ears right now.  For the second time in a month she has flipped me off driving down my own street in Malibu like some crazy botoxed homeless person.  She then proceeded to wait for me as i came back out of my gate from my OWN home and berate me in front of my 10 year old daughter when i asked her what her problem was.  Apparently she has some defunct radar detector in the back of her head since the speed limit on my street is 25 mph and i was doing MAYBE 20.  I know this because there was a huge truck blocking most of the road and i had to slow to almost a stop to get past it and when i saw her i was really aware of my speed since she’d flipped me off a few weeks ago while she was jogging with her trainer at 8 in the morning.  She informed me i was speeding and accused me of almost running over her dog.  when i told her i absolutely was not, she said “oh-then i guess you’re on top of the situation” with all this nasty sarcasm.  Her old ugly dog she didn’t have on a leash walked right up to my right tire and thank god i wasn’t speeding or i would have ran right over it.  I guess when Julia Roberts walks down the street you’re not allowed to even drive on it! But the fact that she could see my 10 year old daughter in my car and she still had the gall to yell at me and accuse me of speeding in an attempt to run over her dog is unreal to me.  Doesn’t she have husbands to steal or something?  On on top of this, several of her neighbors have been threatening to sue her for the trees she recently planted and the disgusting, ugly, illegal old gulfstream trailer she keeps on her property for her gardeners or other underlings to use since god forbid her gardeners keep their tools in her garage and actually look at her without her say so.  She also leaves her garbage cans in the middle of the street for weeks because she is never in town for very long and obviously her gardeners don’t really feel like doing anything for her in her absence.  The entire street loathes her.  Most of us are locals and I for one have not only lived here my whole life but so has my family and my daughter was born and raised here.  She needs to go back to New Mexico where there is enough room for her giant cunty ego!!!!!!!

Just two nights ago I was watching ‘Oceans 12′ and I guess I’d never seen that in HD before because AHHHH WTF IS THAT! When did she get this ugly? George Clooney must be the preeminent actor of our times because he’s an inch away from that goblin and he just sits there and takes it.

I forgot to turn off the CC when making some screencaps, but it worked out. It captioned his subconscious. Here he says he’s sorry for keeping her in the dark. That’s nice of him to say but I’d keep that fug mess in the dark too. She’s lucky he didn’t keep her in the woods under a net. And here he asks if it’s okay and despite her answer I can assure you it’s not. It’s not okay at all.

caution: jessica simpson crossing

By brendon January 14, 2010 @ 10:33 AM

SEMI-EXCLUSIVE: Jessica Simpson Packing On The Pounds Again

Jessica Simpson made a quick stop at a restaurant on Wilshire last night on her way to dinner before heading out to dinner and then In-N-Out for a quick bite to eat on the way to a bakery for pie. That CAUTION sign is to alert the other patrons. She’s like Yogi Bear when he’d steal picnic baskets. You have to watch her like a hawk or she’ll pull the fire alarm and then swipe everyone’s food in the confusion.

(source = flynet)