TOM IS SHORT. OH I GUESS I WAS WRONG.

By brendon July 17, 2008 @ 7:16 AM

Jared has some pictures up today showing a very stately Tom Cruise.  He’s been 5’6” for 20 years but as of last night he’s a damn giant.  Maybe it's forced perspective or whatever but they’re the same height, at best, and last night Katie was wearing 3-inch heels, yet Tom still looks taller.  So this can only mean he’s wearing lifts.  Which is funny.  I hope this is his new thing.  I dream of the day he gets out of the limo and clomps his feet down and sticks his arms out and waves them in big circles to keep his balance as he steps down the red carpet in KISS boots from 1978, all while grinning like an idiot and pretending none of this is happening.

BROLIN AND WRIGHT GOT TASED

By brendon July 17, 2008 @ 6:25 AM

Josh Brolin and Jeffrey Wright are in Shreveport, Louisiana, these days filming Oliver Stones George Bush movie, and as you already may have heard, Brolin and Wright were arrested over the weekend for their participation in a bar room fight.  But today no fucking way gets no fucking wayier as TMZ reports that the two award winning actors were pepper sprayed and hit with the taser, even after they were lying on the ground and while police shouted “nigger”.  Fantastic.  TMZ says…

The incident occurred during a wrap party for Oliver Stone's movie "W" about the Prez. Local station KTBS reports and TMZ sources say Wright, who plays Colin Powell, was repeatedly tasered and pepper sprayed as he lay prone on his stomach in the street. We know witnesses heard the officers using extremely foul language, including the "N" word, directed at Wright.
Our sources say Brolin was observed by witnesses attempting to make peace and standing still as he was repeatedly sprayed in the eyes by cops.
The city attorney has not decided whether to file criminal charges against Brolin, Wright or the others for interfering with a police officer.

At this time I'd like you to open the envelope I gave you six months ago.  You’ll see it has a picture of Oliver Stone and his communist Hollywood hippie liberal friends going down to the heart of the south to film a movie trashing George Bush and then having trouble with the locals.  Amazing huh?  How did I know?  You must admit, no one could have seen this coming, only me and my powerful psychic abilities.  But I can’t take total credit.  The visions don’t come to me, they come through me.

OHAI CLAIRE DANES

By brendon July 16, 2008 @ 3:41 PM

Claire Danes is not a natural beauty like me or Angelina Jolie or me, but she does have a hot white girl ass.  And when she tans she lies down like a lady. I appreciate that. The whole GD world is in Italy right now and Claire is no exception.  Here she is in Ischia with her boyfriend Hugh Dancy, thankfully not pictured.  Does any work get done in Hollywood or is it just trips to Italy and fancy cars and drugs and experimenting with anal.  Helen Mirin, Sienna Miller, Eva Longoria, Uma Thurman and Claire are all in Italy.  Is anyone still here?  You could drive around Universal studios tonight all drunk and rob all the trailers and drive golf balls into the Psycho house and watch movies all alone like you're Omega Man.

(picture source = INF Daily)



HAHAHA, YOU SUCK HEIGL

By brendon July 16, 2008 @ 2:36 PM

Katherine Heigl has all but knocked on their door and kicked her producers in the balls, so it should come as no surprise that Us Weekly is reporting that her character may be killed off of "Grey’s Anatomy", and that it could happen very quickly.  Us says…

The idea came after Heigl, 29, withdrew herself from Emmy contention, saying that she didn’t feel she was “given the material this season to warrant an Emmy nomination.”
In response to Heigl’s griping, staffers are considering giving her character, Dr. Izzie Stevens, a brain tumor.
“[Producer] Shonda [Rhimes] and the writers are pissed at her,” the source tells Us. “It’s their way of screwing with her. She won’t know whether she’s going to live or die.”

Now god damn that's cool.  It's about time someone stood up to these … oh wait.  When they said she didn’t know if she would live or die they meant on the show, huh?  Well, it’s a start.

WHO’S THAT HANDSOME DEVIL

By brendon July 16, 2008 @ 12:37 PM

I’ve been sitting at the dentist all GD day but on Fox they said someone called the cops because Andy Dick was taking a piss in the parking lot outside Buffalo Wild Wings, then he “inappropriately fondled” a 17 year old waitress.  Cops showed up and found weed and Xanax in his pockets.  Which is why I almost never get high and hump teenage girls anymore.   They get all stuck up.  Why do we have to get the cops involved here, baby.
 

(full size mugshot HERE)



ANDY DICK IS UNDER ARREST

By brendon July 16, 2008 @ 9:29 AM

Andy Dick was arrested early this morning in Murrieta, California on suspicion of drug possession and sexual battery.  Details are very scarce but TMZ says he was arrested around 2am in a parking lot outside a Buffalo Wild Wings.  I’m assuming sexual battery means he was humping someone.  Someone who didn’t want to get humped.  Someone who came to Buffalo Wild Wings wanting nothing but a night of epicurean delights, but what they got was an evening of deception.

UPDATE – Fox News just said he is being held for alleged possession of cocaine and marijuana.  But this is Andy Dick so just drop the "alleged".  He did that shit.



RAMPAGE JACKSON IS COOL

By brendon July 16, 2008 @ 7:21 AM

Late yesterday afternoon, UFC superstar Quentin "Rampage" Jackson was arrested for his part in a s suspected hit and run in Newport Beach, California.  Details were scarce except for that kick ass picture above, but now TMZ has some details.

Rampage was on the 55 Freeway in the O.C., hit two cars and got off the freeway. The chase was on.
Rampage then began driving on the center divider. But it gets worse. According to the police report, Jackson then drove on the sidewalk, "causing pedestrians to flee for their lives." He started driving the wrong way on a crowded street, colliding with yet another car in an intersection. As he continued on, running several red lights, his tire disintegrated and he began driving on the rim.
Rampage eventually got to the exclusive Balboa Peninsula in Newport Beach, where he again drove on the sidewalk, "causing pedestrians to flee in terror."
Eventually, his car came to a stop and he was taken into custody at gunpoint. Cops took him to the Orange County Jail, but they determined he was "medically unfit" to be booked. Cops won't say if he was high.

It would be disappointing if Rampage did some weed and then went and drove his monster truck around, but in his defense, that shit sounds fun.

HONOR MARIE IS PHOTOGENIC

By brendon July 16, 2008 @ 6:36 AM

Jessica Alba is on the cover of OK magazine this week, talking about the birth of her daughter Honor Marie on June 7th.  And it's filled with the breathless passion and excitement you always associate with Jessica Alba.  OK! says…

"I didn't scream," Jessica tells OK! in an exclusive interview and photoshoot. "It was really Zen." And Cash could only marvel at his wife's quiet strength when she gave birth. "She didn't make a sound," he says. "It was amazing."
"It hasn't totally sunk in," Jessica reveals to OK!. "She dreams, she smiles, and coos and does all these things, but she hasn't seen enough of the world yet to understand any of that stuff. So I still feel like she's connected to the other world, or something. There's no other way to explain it. It's a miracle."
“The labor was more like meditation," she says. "I did yoga breathing. I was focused."

This settles it.  Jessica Alba is some kind of superwomen.  I'm guessing if you spun her around you’d see a panel on her back because she’s actually a damn machine.