Happy Memorial Day

Memorial Day is the day in the US when we celebrate Americas Number One-edness by reflecting on our militaries unrivaled ability to kick everyones ass thanks to the unmatched killing power of our Gears Of War-type weaponry that will one day lead to Skynet. And since Pam... read more


Thank God he has a white shirt on. Otherwise it would just be this little smiling head floating two feet off the ground. I know he's at Cannes to promote "The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus", but this would also do a good job promoting some sort of state-run selective... read more

Jamie Foxx is disgusting

I don't even wanna think about this so let's just get to it. Extra and IMDb say... Kirstie Alley has a thing for a leading Hollywood man: "I want a booty call with Jamie Foxx -- for real," Alley dished to People magazine. "I've always had a bit of thing for him" ... Foxx... read more

Orlando Bloom is a real sicko

I was trying to think of some reasons to call Orlando Bloom an asshole because I resent him being at Cannes on a yacht with Victoria's Secret supermodel Miranda Kerr, but then it dawned on me I've never heard anything bad about him. I know one time he had a cold, and I... read more

Hahaha, you suck Hayden

I don't know who the hot piece is with the thong and huge implants, but I bet Hayden is real jealous and pissed off that she got to go on the yacht. Stumpy midget transsexuals are always real jealous of sexy people like me and that goddess with the big tits. (NOTE:... read more

Fergie sure is sexy

Despite mountains of evidence to the contrary, people still pretend that Fergie and her crocodile skin are sexy. And who knows, maybe she is, maybe this is like Dorian Gray, and in real life she's amazing but her pictures age super fast and reflect her sins. I know... read more

It's all lies

Sometimes paparazzi pictures are taken from really far away, and so the pictures are real grainy or blurry. I bet the people responsible for tricking the public into thinking that girls in Hollywood actually look like they do in movies wishes this was one of those times.... read more

Seriously. What the hell?

I don't know if these two pictures of Britney on vacation this week have been photoshopped or what, but she looks incredible here, so to be honest I don't actually care. This is how I want her to look, and this is how she looks, and so we're good. In fact if she wants to... read more

How on earth does this happen

I could have sworn that Britney didn't have any tits 24 hours ago, when she was wearing virtually the same thing. I've given up trying to figure out how women do this, how their bodies change so dramatically from one day to the next. It's like dating some kind of fairy... read more

Make up your GD minds

Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn got married in 1996, which might be news to all the girls Penn has slept with since then. Robin filed for divorce in 2007, then changed her mind. Sean filed for divorce in 2008, then changed his mind. She filed for divorce again two months... read more

McConaughey looks like a fool

I bet Mario Lopez is gonna have a good laugh when he sees Matthew McConaughey throwing out the first pitch at last nights Dodgers game. "What is he doing, haha!", Mario will probably say. "Why is he on the mound? You're supposed to scooch way way up, like I did (1). Or... read more

prepare to be blown away

If you didn't see the "American Idol" finale last night, and odds are good you didn't because it was the lowest rated finale in the shows history, you missed the return of that girl who auditioned in a bikini. She's not attractive and she can't sing, and you could go 5... read more