boring Ashton Kutcher > insane Charlie Sheen

By brendon September 21, 2011 @ 3:24 PM


For the most part, working in Hollywood is just like working anywhere else. All people really want is to go to work, do their job the best they can, and then go home. Which is why it should come as no surprise that the crew of ‘Two And A Half Men’ prefer working with dullard Ashton Kutcher over, um, “fun loving” Charlie Sheen.

E! news says…

Here’s what two of Sheen’s old worker-bees had to say:
“[Ashton] is really a nice guy. Just a nice guy. And he’s OK on set. He gets the job done—that’s what we all want.”
“He’s just not as funny as Charlie. Not that we’d want Charlie back if you doubled our salaries.”
You hear that?
The guys (and gals) who were having trouble paying their mortgages during one of Sheen’s notorious AWOL meltdowns, do not—repeat—do not want him back.
They are very, very clear about that.
But they also freely volunteer that the show, in their veteran opinions,  “just isn’t the same anymore,” and that they find Sheen’s substitute to be more of a “safe replacement.”

Uh, yeah, put me squarely on Ashtons side for this one. If I’m a gaffer on that show, I’d much rather be home by 5 than to have Charlie regaling me with why there’s a nail through his dick at midnight.

One Million Moms hate Alec Baldwins balls

By brendon September 21, 2011 @ 2:32 PM

A few weeks ago, Ben and Jerrys announced a new limited edition ice cream called ‘Schweddy Balls” (described as, “vanilla ice cream with a hint of rum and loaded with fudge covered rum and milk chocolate malt balls”), which of course takes it’s name from the famous SNL sketch starring Alec Baldwin.

Needless to say some joyless busy bodies have organized a delicious protest.

The vulgar new flavor has turned something as innocent as ice cream into something repulsive. Not exactly what you want a child asking for at the supermarket.
The ice cream is being released in a limited batch, which means it will be distributed nationwide but only for three or four months. If it proves popular, another batch might be forthcoming, but we hope not.
Please send Ben & Jerry’s Public Relations Manager, Sean Greenwood, an email letter requesting that no additional Schweddy Balls ice cream be distributed. Also, highly recommend they refrain from producing another batch with this name or any other offensive names or you will no longer be able to purchase their products.

Hey, One Million Moms. Guess what. The whole god damn world doesn’t revolve around you and your stupid kid. Ben and Jerrys can make an ice cream with fish hooks and ecstasy tabs in it for all I care. Your kid, your problem. Leave the rest of us alone. And I bet that for every letter you write demanding this be stopped your husbands will write 2 demanding more if thats what it takes to keep your fat asses away from ice cream.

Charlize Theron is attractive

By brendon September 21, 2011 @ 1:57 PM


What’s a bigger phone related story; the HTC party last night in New York, attended by Charlize Theron and Leighton Meester among others, or this report claiming Apple would unveil the iPhone 5 less than 2 weeks from now? Or here’s a better question; what in the hell made me think that would be an interesting introduction? Holy Christ do I need a vacation.

(image source = fame)

Steve Martin has advice for Eddie Murphy

By brendon September 21, 2011 @ 1:37 PM


Steve Martin went on his website (wait what?) and posted some advice for Eddie Murphy when he hosts the Oscars this year. Some if it is funny (mocking losers), some of it is not (a hanging chad reference?) but at least he tried. Unlike you, who just sat there this whole time. God I hate you so much!

Jennifer Aniston demanded an apology

By brendon September 21, 2011 @ 12:24 PM


Long story short; Jennifer Aniston is a dull witted bore, and Brad Pitt insinuated as much in Parade magazine, which of course made her go all apeshit. Us says

Brad Pitt made a big-time boo-boo (in) a Parade interview in which he casually slammed his five-year marriage to Jennifer Aniston
And, yes, his 42-year-old ex-wife got wind of the catty comment. “She was annoyed,” a pal (said). “She thought it was rude and inappropriate.”
Team Aniston — her agent and publicists — “went ballistic” and angrily reached out to Pitt’s camp.
“They got his team involved and Brad was read the riot act.”
Within 24 hours, Pitt had surprisingly released a statement lamenting that his words were misinterpreted, and that his former love “is an incredibly giving, loving and hilarious woman.”
Still, the Pitt source says, “no one believes his words were taken out of context — he said what he said. I do hear that he’s remorseful.”
And although Pitt is clearly blissed out with Jolie, 36, and their six kids, “We think he’s jealous she’s in love,” the source says.

Hahaha, hahaha. Yeah, yeah that’s totally it. Brad Pitt is jealous of Anistons C-list boyfriend who’s name I dont feel like looking up because who cares. And the Patriots are jealous of the Chiefs too. By the way, name anything Jennifer Aniston has ever done that was interesting in any way. For example, here are some things Angelina Jolie has done in the past 12 months:

– Secretly went to Ramstein Air Force base in Germany to visit injured American troops (more).
– Visited the Tunisian-Libyan border as part of her role as a UN ambassador (more).
– Went to Pakistan with the UN Human Refugee Agency “to draw the world’s attention towards the plight of 21 million people affected by the country’s worst-ever floods.” (more)
– Moved out of their mansion in France and into a mansion in Scotland (more).

And here’s a list for Aniston…

– Got ripped off by a vending machine.
– Saw a pelican.

Brad Pitt has some nerve!

Scarlett Johansson is rude

By brendon September 20, 2011 @ 5:39 PM


Scarlett Johansson got a little flippant (i hate myself) with the paparazzi while taking her mom to physical therapy today in New York. I’m not sure but it sort of looks like her mom had a stroke. Maybe that’s why she’s needs physical therapy. But don’t just take my word on it. As a rule I’m guessing that women don’t like it when you look at their face and ask about their stroke if they never had one.

(image source = inf)

John Travolta endorses planes

By brendon September 20, 2011 @ 5:38 PM


Doesn’t seem like it would be that hard to contact the 50 people on earth on the market for a private plane one by one, but apparently it is, so Bombardier hired John Travolta to promote their new planes in a photo shoot today in LA. And you know what phrase was never heard once? “Hey John, could you maybe look a little more gay?” The limited edition Travolta T1 is the only plane that comes with blacked out windows and a trap door for any male prostitutes who can’t keep a secret.

(image source = bauer griffin)

Britney Spears (?) is a comic now

By brendon September 20, 2011 @ 4:34 PM


The life story of Britney Spears is now being told in comic book form by someone who has apparently never seen Britney Spears, but has heard several things about her. From her humble origins of greased pig wraslin back home in Kentwood, Louisiana, to her days as a superstar that apparently wears boots but no pants, it’s all here!