chris brown charged with 2 felonies

By brendon March 05, 2009 @ 10:14 AM

All day long there have been rumors that Chris Brown would cut a deal with prosecutors, but just a few minutes ago he was charged with two felonies for beating Rihanna, specifically assault by means likely to create great bodily injury and criminal threats.  I have no idea what that means.

UPDATE – Brown will be arraigned around 3:30 pct.  He faces a maximum of 4 years and 8 months in jail.   

UPDATE – Us magazine spells out the charges exactly. 

melinda and lucy are helpful

By brendon March 05, 2009 @ 9:12 AM

Lucy Pinder and Melinda Messenger were nice enough to show off their huge racks last night at the Children's Champions 2009 awards in London.  According to the website, the awards are "prestigious honours to celebrate those who go further than anyone else to make a positive difference to the lives of our kids."  Like by giving them erections, for example.

rihanna is an idiot, part 2

By brendon March 05, 2009 @ 8:07 AM

FOX 11 in L.A. somehow got their hands on the notes taken by the LAPD detective investigating Chris Brown for beating the shit out of Rihanna, and the details of that night are every bit as uplifting as you might imagine.  TMZ has a summary:

Rihanna read a three-page text message on Brown's phone from a woman. An argument ensued and Brown allegedly tried forcing Rihanna out of the car but couldn't because she was wearing her seat belt. 

Brown then allegedly shoved Rihanna's head against the passenger window. When Rihanna turned to face him, Brown punched her, then continued punching her while driving.  Blood spattered all over Rihanna's clothing and in the interior of the car. Her mouth was filled with blood. 

Brown allegedly told Rihanna, "I'm going to beat the **** out of you when we get home. You wait and see."

Rihanna called her assistant and left a message saying, "I am on my way home. Make sure the cops are there when I get there."

Brown then replied, "You just did the stupidest thing ever. I'm going to kill you."

According to the report, Brown continued to punch Rihanna, bit her on her ear, her fingers and put her in a headlock — she almost lost consciousness.

I will say this about Rihanna, that bitch is tough.  She’s like the Terminator.  Chris probably only stopped because he was exhausted, but he never did finish her off.  At one point Chris went to his corner and was overheard saying, she's not human, she's like a piece of iron.  

rihanna is an idiot

By brendon March 05, 2009 @ 6:59 AM

As more and more comes out about Chris Brown and Rihanna, it seems February 8th wasn’t the first time he beat her ass.  Us magazine hinted once before that there was a pattern of abuse, now TMZ and the National Enquirer say the same.   According to TMZ…

LAPD cops interviewed Rihanna after the attack and she told them Brown had been violent toward her in the past and that the attacks were getting "more violent" as time went on.

And the Enquirer, via Media Take Out, says a source told them this…

Rihanna was applying makeup to her right eye, which I noticed looked puffy and discolored. Her friend said, ‘You’re eye looks [EXPLETIVE] up! He’s an [EXPLETIVE]! Why do you put up with him and let him hit you?’
“Rihanna told her, ‘It’s not his fault. When he hurts me, he’s a beast, but then he turns into my angel … He’ll hit me and then feel bad afterwards, but then he turns into the sweetest man and becomes my angel. He’ll cry like a little baby when he makes it up to me, and that’s the part I love.’”

What the hell is wrong with this girl?  She should date someone like me.  When I'm with a lady, I strum a romantic ballad on my acoustic guitar with a rose in my mouth.

50 grand to look this good

By brendon March 05, 2009 @ 6:01 AM

How GD ugly is Jennifer Aniston if it takes 50,000 dollars to make her look average?  You could renovate a building for that.  A big one.  Because the Daily Mail says 50 grand is what it took on her hair alone for two European movie premieres.

She flew in her longtime hairdresser Chris McMillan to Europe for a week while she did the international "Marley & Me" premieres.
The sky-high price tag — footed no doubt by the studio — includes jetting McMillan back and forth between Paris and London and his swanky hotel stays.
Add in his sky-high styling fees, which allegedly cost more than $2,000 per session

Oh okay.  London and Paris.  Now it makes sense.  Those hillbilly dumps aren’t gonna have anyone who knows anything about fashion or styling hair.  Especially not parting hair down the middle and straightening it.  You’d have to be some kind of hair sorcerer to pull off a look like that.

megan fox is a tease

By brendon March 05, 2009 @ 5:20 AM

Megan Fox had to know that her bra was peeking out of the top of her shirt as she shopped for furniture on Robertson yesterday.  And hopefully that’s the kind of furniture she has in her house.  Lots of thick bulky wood.  Because I could hide in a lot of that stuff. 

(image source = pacific coast)

paris bought a diamond dashboard

By brendon March 04, 2009 @ 12:37 PM

Whenever you buy a new car you immediately notice how many other people have that same car.   I assume Paris Hilton is going through the same thing with her pink Bentley, so now she wants to customize it.  Like with a Garfield suction cupped to the window, or a sticker of Calvin peeing, or a 283,000 dollar diamond encrusted dashboard.  The Sun says…  

The hotel heiress, 27, will have it flown out from the firm’s British HQ in Crewe to be fitted to her $200,000 Continental GT in Los Angeles.  But she may have to wait — the Cheshire plant is halting production until early May due to the economic downturn.  A Bentley source said last night: "I guess she’s not hit too badly by the recession."

It might not be the greatest idea in the world to reinforce the surface you smash into during an accident with the worlds hardest rocks, but whatever.  I’m certainly not gonna talk her out of ways to kill herself.  Another fancy idea would be to have a silk scarf that loops around her neck anchored to the headrest, and reverse the brake and gas pedals so it's not like a poor persons car.

jlo will take your stuff

By brendon March 04, 2009 @ 11:52 AM

Honest to god there are some celebrities that you never ever ever hear anything good about.  This story is about Jennifer Lopez.  Try and guess where this is headed.  The New York Post says…

(she) borrowed $50,000 worth of diamonds from Robert Mouawad to attend the launch of Andrea Lieberman's fashion line at Barneys in Beverly Hills last week.  Gwen Stefani, Leah Remini and Ellen Pompeo also borrowed baubles from Mouawad. The next day, the other celebs returned their bling, but J.Lo didn't.  We received a call from [her manager] Benny Medina, informing us that Jennifer was going to keep the jewelry," an insider said.

I don’t have a dictionary in front of me but I’m pretty sure "borrowed" implies you’re going to give something back to the person that owns it.  I guess JLo didn’t know that one.  Or "loan".  Or "steal".  I'm guess I’m just bragging now with my fancy vocabulary.  I'm a real wordsmith, I love words!