katie holmes has pretty hair

By brendon March 12, 2009 @ 9:22 AM

Katie Holmes walked the red carpet with some sassy hair extensions last night in Tokyo for the Japanese premiere of “Valkyrie”.  Although for some inexplicable reasons I can’t find good pictures of it anywhere (the banner is from the Sun).   I have to follow my heart and admit I think she’s a fantastic looking woman at times, like here, even though she’s famous for her short hair these days.  Unlike our 12th President Zachary Taylor, who was famous for leading U.S. troops to victory in critical battles of the Mexican-American War.  So really Katie Holmes and Zachary Taylor aren’t as similar as the Hollywood hype machine would like you believe.

paul rudd is friendly

By brendon March 12, 2009 @ 8:19 AM

The guy who talks movies for Opie and Anthony (fuck you CBS) said last week that he saw I Love You Man at a screening and he basically embarrassed himself he was laughing so hard.  I don’t know if you’re picking up on this but the movie opens next Friday.  It stars Jason Segal and Paul Rudd, and if you were wondering if either one may have raped the other one while he slept, Time Out New York has the answer:

"…one time I was fast asleep on the couch, and I just feel Paul and his gentle touch on my shoulder going, “Hey, Jase, wake up. It’s time to wake up, buddy. Wake up.” And I slowly open my eyes, and Paul is standing there with his dick out. And he just gives me this weird, mischievous smile and walked out of the room."

Jason Segal should be the President or something.  Not even the most horrific scenarios imaginable seem to phase him.  In this case, that someone sodomized him while he was passed out.  I wish more people shared his carefree attitude.  And by "more people", I mean "the plaintiff in my case".

more violence in the rap world

By brendon March 12, 2009 @ 8:09 AM

Joaquin Phoenix was doing a show last night in Miami at the Fontainebleau hotel when a heckler in the crowd got on his nerves, and since Joaquin is a street wise rapper now, he jumped off the stage and … punched him?  It’s hard to tell by the video. Although during the fight I got distracted by that girl in the blue dress and more specifically her boobs so Joaquin may have sawed the dudes head off and eaten it for all I know (the Sun UK has details).  Watch the video, maybe you’ll have better luck.  You may not, but you’ll never know until you try.  Life is adventure!  The proper function of man is to live and explore, not simply to exist!

the worlds least surprising story

By brendon March 12, 2009 @ 7:18 AM

Paris Hilton spent day two in Hawaii yesterday, and did she make sure that every possible instant was documented by the paparazzi, even during her time underwater?  Of course she did.  Why wouldn’t she.  

(image source = splash news)

hahaha, you suck jenifer aniston

By brendon March 12, 2009 @ 6:59 AM

It seems like every time Jennifer Aniston does an interview she spends half her time talking about Brad Pitt and how she doesn’t think about Brad Pitt anymore and Brad Pitt was a long time ago and I enjoyed my time with Brad Pitt but that part of my life (the part with Brad Pitt) is over.  Brad Pitt.  Now I date John Mayer.   Hahaha.  Marc Malkin from E! says…

A source says that the pair's on-again, off-again relationship may have ended when Aniston returned from overseas, where she was promoting Marley & Me. She returned sometime within the last week.  "He broke up with her when she got back from her European tour," the source said.

There should be a support group for guys in Hollywood who haven’t dumped Jennifer Aniston yet, because that half dozen are outcasts at this point.  The list will shrink soon though.  This daffy bitch can’t be alone with her (Brad Pitt) thoughts for more than a week.  She needs that security blanket 24 hours a day or she’ll lose it, just like me with my Winnie the Pooh when I was nine I mean two.

no gd way – update

By brendon March 12, 2009 @ 12:01 AM

On September 20th, DJ AM, Blink 182 drummer Travis Barker and four others were in a Learjet that crashed shortly after takeoff, killing all but AM and Barker.  On February 12th, Continental flight 3407 crashed on its way from New Jersey to Buffalo, killing all 49 people on board and one person on the ground.  Oh hey guess what.  

DJ AM, real name Adam Goldberg, was booked on the (Continental) flight but canceled and drove instead, after having a bad feeling about the flight.  AM says his flying days are over, and from now on only gigs that he can drive to will be on his schedule.

I want to mention that his miraculous survival got compared to Final Destination on Tyler (here), because it's clear now that Death is out to get him.  Am I a powerful psychic, using his guides in the spirit world to help those who need it here?  It would seem I am, my friends.  It would seem I am.

DEATH CHEATING UPDATE – or maybe not.

(picture source = getty images)

annalynne mccord is a good driver

By brendon March 11, 2009 @ 2:43 PM

90210 star AnnaLynne McCord wrecked her car today on La Cienega in West LA when she ran into the back of a new Range Rover.  No one was injured.  One prominent website is suggesting the accident was AnnaLynnes fault because she got distracted while masturbating and thinking about me.  If asked for a comment, a hot young police spokeswoman might say, “oh my god yeah, I totally bet she was.  I mean c'mon.  Oh no way is that your real eye color?  Oh my god they’re so blue, come here, let me see OH WHOOPS I SLIPPED.  Whew, thanks for catching me.  Wow you’re really strong.  Do you work out where do you work out?  I work out too.  Here feel my legs.”

(image source = pacific coast)

hey its that girl no one knows

By brendon March 11, 2009 @ 1:51 PM

I don’t know what madman thought it would be a good idea to do this years Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue without Marisa Miller, but I hope he got fired.  I hope he got fired, I hope they stole his car, seduced his wife, punched his kids in the face and planted child pornography on his computer.  Even worse, they filled the ginger spot with Brazilian mess Cintia Dicker and her terrifying amount of freckles.   In fact when I saw this I hid under my bed and cried for like 10 minutes because I was so scared.  But then I came out.  I'm pretty brave, huh?