NEW DARK KNIGHT STUFF

By brendon July 01, 2008 @ 7:02 AM

Dominoes Pizza has an exclusive online trailer for "The Dark Knight", for some inexplicable reason, and it actually has quite a bit of new footage. Unfortunately there’s still no sign that Ben Affleck is in this. That guy just can't make a bad movie. 

ANGELINA HAD HER TWINS. AGAIN. MAYBE.

By brendon July 01, 2008 @ 6:16 AM

I’ve already gotten three emails from people in France today saying the local press is reporting that Angelina Jolie has given birth to her twins.  One person also added that she thinks this web site rules.  Compliments freak me out a little, so all I could think to say was that her web site rules too.  She didn’t have a web site, and her calling me out on that made me even more nervous and I dropped the N-word a few times.  She said she thought that was inappropriate, and so then I wrote back and said you have reached my voice mail, please leave a message.  Whew.  Dodged a bullet this time.



MEGAN FOX IS THE ONLY ONE

By brendon June 30, 2008 @ 2:34 PM

Megan Fox has a really good reputation in town and is said to be extremely nice and easy to deal with, so it’s a little surprising to hear that she's using her new power on the set of "Transformers 2".  Hollywood.com says…

The super sweet and humble Megan Fox knows she’s the star of ‘Transformers 2′ and ain’t letting no hoes take away her spotlight.
Star Magazine reports that she has banned producers from casting other attractive brunette actresses in the sequel.
A spy says, "Megan is definitely the star of the sequel, and she wants to keep it that way. It’s fine with her if there are hot blondes in the film, but she’s made it clear that she doesn’t want any brunettes."

This is boring but I was thinking over the weekend that a good way to gauge how hot a chick is would be to figure how long she would have to be dead before you would not have sex with her.  So I ran the numbers through the computer and it turns out Megan Fox is the big winner.  She could be dead for almost three days and I'd still fuck her.  So congratulations Megan Fox.  You must be honored.  It must be exciting to know that even after you die, you and I can still get it on.

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT

By brendon June 30, 2008 @ 1:18 PM

It used to be that pictures of Britney Spears in various states of nudity just sort of happened.  She would swing her legs too high as she got out of a car or not realize her shirt was see-thru.  But these new pictures from last night in West Hollywood are a bit of a stretch.  The paparazzi appear to just be taping down the button and throwing the camera at her.  This is like video you see from inside of car crashes.  I don’t even know what that last picture is.  Does she have a tail?  If you edited out the dress and just showed someone that, they would say it was the surface of mars or something.  Anything but a famous stars vagina.



WILL SAYS ITS NOT TRUE

By brendon June 30, 2008 @ 11:57 AM

Back in May it was announced that Will Smith was investing 1 million dollars into the foundation of a private grade school in Calabasas, California.  Smith said it would stress things like low fat meals and non-traditional course work such as Yoga, Technology, Etiquette and Robotics, but many inferred it would be nothing but a Scientology indoctrination camp.  Like I did just now for example.  But today school administrators say again that this is not the case.  The AP says…

Smith and his wife, Jada Pinkett Smith, have founded the New Village Academy, scheduled to open in September.
The school will use instructional methods developed by Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard called study technology. And a few teachers belong to the church.
But the couple say they are not Scientologists, and the academy's director insists the facility has no religious affiliation.
"We are a secular school, and just like all nonreligious independent schools, faculty and staff do not promote their own religions at school or pass on the beliefs of their particular faith to children," New Village Academy director Jacqueline Olivier told the Los Angeles Times.

People would hate scientologists a lot less if they weren’t so damn shady.  They follow the writings of a guy who told them to fight UFOs and battle invisible demons.  Fine.  Don't flatter yourself.  No one cares.  Do whatever you want, but don’t get all pissy when people point out that your religion is laugh-out-loud stupid.  This school should be what they are, and the teachers should dress like MIB and Jedis and Star Fleet and walk real stiff like robots and make "beep beep boop" sounds.  Mostly because that would be awesome. 


SO GAY

By brendon June 30, 2008 @ 10:08 AM

Lindsay Logan still hasn’t publically commented on her lesbian relationship with Samantha Ronson, although the two were again caught holding hands when Lindsay left the set of her movie "Labor Pains" yesterday.  Samantha should be ashamed of herself.  Lindsay Lohan is not gay.  She’s just lonely and fucked up.  It's like when I have sex with 8 models at once.  It’s a cry for help. My heart aches for true love.


ANNE HATHAWAY IS A SNITCH

By brendon June 30, 2008 @ 6:34 AM

Anne Hathaway's shady ex-boyfriend Raffaello Follieri has been arrested twice in the past 6 months, once for bouncing a $215,000 check and another time for pretending to be a representative of the Vatican and duping investors out of millions.  Just last week he was investigated again by they New York State Attorney General's Office for undisclosed reasons.  So how did the feds learn so much about him?  The New York Daily News says…

A pal of jailed wheeler-dealer Raffaello Follieri suspects Hathaway spoke with the FBI shortly before they arrested him for an alleged $6 million con job.
"It makes sense," the friend said. "She's referred to as his former girlfriend in the indictment even though her spokesman never confirmed they broke up."
Hathaway, who is not identified by name in the criminal complaint, split with Follieri shortly before his arrest last week. He is charged with posing as an agent of the Vatican to fleece investors out of millions.
"I think that in return for her cooperation, the feds held off on arresting Follieri until she was out of the country," the friend said.

They must do seaweed wraps at the police station because girls love talking to the GD cops.  They drag the police into everything.  Not saying this dude didn’t deserve it, just that’s its unsurprising if Anne turned him in.   Girls will call the cops if they see a bug or because Kelly is such a bitch, whereas a guy could accidentally parachute into an alligator farm and his first call would be to his friend to call him a fag.

WAS IT … MURDER!!!

By brendon June 30, 2008 @ 5:52 AM

Kazakh supermodel Ruslana Korshunova fell off the balcony of her New York apartment over the weekend and fell 9 stories to her death.  Just 20-years-old, she had appeared on the covers of French "Elle" and Russian "Vogue".  Her death has been ruled a suicided, but at least one close friend refuses to believe it.  The Sydney Morning Herald says…

Kira Titeneva, who described herself as Korshunova's "best friend", told the New York Daily News: "There's no way she would have killed herself. She loved life so much."
Ms Titeneva was also quoted in London's Daily Mail as saying: "I talked to her on Friday night and we were talking all the gossip."
Another friend told the paper that Korshunova, who would have earned around $5200 for a catwalk show, had been sending money home to her family in the former Soviet Republic of Kazakhstan and was "one of the sweetest, nicest people you'll ever meet".
The unnamed source told the paper the model had just returned from a modelling job in Paris and seemed "on top of the world".
"There were no signs. That's what's driving me crazy. I don't see one reason why she would do that," he said.
Korshunova's doorman, Mahmoud Nakeeb, was also quoted in the Daily Mail as claiming the model seemed happy when she came home about 4am on Saturday.
"She came in this morning, she smiled, no sense of depression," he said.

This is fucking sad.  This page is supposed to be empty, light-hearted nonsense but there’s nothing funny about suicide.  Unless you’re hanging yourself and all your kicking makes your pants fall down.  I think it would be okay to laugh about that.  “Holy cow,” I bet you would think, “this is gonna be one of those days.”