I appreciate the effort

By brendon July 07, 2009 @ 10:38 AM

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“Hayden Panettiere” can be a tricky name to spell correctly, so if you’re one of those internet dorks who carry on and on about how hot and sexy she is, a good trick is to replace the words “Hayden” and “Panettiere” with the words “Spider” and “Man”. The end result is the same. Saying you love Hayden or saying you love Spiderman both just mean you’ve never touched or talked to or maybe even seen a human girl in real life.

When she went on Letterman yesterday she wore a dress that won the gold medal in the category of Giving Me An Erection, and you other celebrities need to be more like her and put some GD effort into your public appearances, but she’s still boring and average.  There’s nothing wrong with her per se (other than maybe having a penis bigger than mine) but there’s nothing great about her either.

You ever been to a car show and when they announced Best of Show the winner was a beige 2004 Camry with 130,000 miles on it?  No?  Exactly.  That’s Hayden.  She’s the beige Camry of Hollywood.

(17 more pics here.  hq jump here.  image source = splash news online and wenn)

Prepare to yawn

By brendon July 06, 2009 @ 6:49 PM

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Ashley Tisdale is in Hawaii today. Or something. I think it’s Hawaii. I uploaded these like 30 hours ago so who knows at this point. I mean it’s Ashley Tisdale. Who cares. She’s the third most talented one from “High School Musical”. How humiliating. That’s like being the third most talented manager at Arbys. She’s average in every way. Completely forgettable. I’m actually the guy in the picture and I’m in Hawaii with her right now, she just went to get ice, and even I forgot who she was. I was on the fourth picture before I said, “… hey wait a second.”

Jenna Jameson looks different

By brendon July 06, 2009 @ 5:27 PM

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When you look at these pictures of Jenna Jameson in a bikini, spending the Fourth of July in LA with her boyfriend Tito Ortiz, it’s hard to believe that a girl could do hardcore porn for 15 years and still look fresh-faced and healthy and pretty. By that I mean, Jenna Jameson does not look fresh-faced or healthy or pretty, so if someone were to say, hey I bet a girl could do hardcore porn for 15 years and still look fresh-faced and healthy and pretty, that would be hard to believe, considering these pictures.

Leave Heidi alone, pervert

By brendon July 06, 2009 @ 4:46 PM

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Heidi Klum and her enormous pregnant breasts tired to spend a fun day with her kids at a park in New York City yesterday, but some old lady had to come up and ruin everything. I think she propositioned her, because Heidi looks disgusted, and the old lady is doing the “I wanna grab those big titties” hand gesture. Jeez, not in front of the kids, you sicko.

How should women dress?

By brendon July 06, 2009 @ 4:22 PM

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Dressing sexy is all about attitude. Looks don’t really matter. Unless you’re unattractive or overweight, in which case looks very much do matter. If a girl is built like Kendra, she should dress exactly like Kendra.  Every day, all the time.  For example, Kendra and I agree that this is how girls should dress to play golf.  Boy shorts and pig-tails would also kick ass.  Maybe a push-up bra and half-shirt or, if it’s warm out, lace panties and her hands cupped over her breasts.  If the girl isn’t built like Kendra, um … I don’t know.  I guess maybe an invisibility cloak or something.  What’s the point to even being a girl if you’re not gonna look like Kendra?

Don’t be a hero

By brendon July 06, 2009 @ 12:19 PM

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Janice Dickinson showed off her old-timey rack in Malibu for the 4th, and, uh, I really hope those implants are new and not from when she was modeling. Because if they are they’re probably stuffed with asbestos and lead paint and everyone who licks her chest is gonna die of cancer.

(hq jump here. source = splash news online)

monday morning headlines

By brendon July 06, 2009 @ 10:24 AM

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CURRENT SONG - Theme from “Saw”, remixed by BoneCrusher, with Lil Jon and Fatman Scoop. Bone Crusha is my N-word. (hear it here – explicit lyrics)

MICHAEL JACKSON – will be buried this week. Without his brain. Because his true cause of death has not been found, dissecting his brain is the last best chance to determine what his body was experiencing when he died. That will take at least 3 weeks. After that his brain will either be burned or he’ll be dug up for a reunion. If it were me I’d see if they could put it in a 10-story robot. Revenge is mine! (dubious source = the mirror)

THE MEMORIAL – Fox, NBC, ABC, CNN, MSNBC and E! will all televise the Michael Jackson memorial tomorrow live. Disney Channel still undecided, suspects an elaborate trap, has moved Zach and Cody to a secret location. (source = washington post)

HOLLY MADISON – hosted a party at TAO Beach in Vegas on Saturday. I don’t know why. Does it matter? (3 more pics here.  hq jump here.  source = wenn)

Rihanna has good taste

By brendon July 06, 2009 @ 6:21 AM

EXCLUSIVE: Jay-Z, Rihanna, And Jamie Foxx Celebrating The 4th Of

Rihanna spent the Fourth of July at Tao in Vegas with some mystery dude who is reportedly her new lover, and she did it essentially topless, but don’t get too excited. That star over her nipple is what she wore, not something I did with photoshop to make these safe-for-work.  It’s part of the picture.

Wait. No.

I meant to say, just keep clicking on these pictures, just click on them again and again and again, that star should come off eventually.  Our server is loading aps or something right now, so it may take a while, but keep clicking and the amazing naked pictures should show up any second.

(hq jump here. source = flynet)