Victoria Principal will shoot your ass

By brendon May 05, 2009 @ 11:43 AM

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This will fit in nicely with the Sex Symbols of Yesterday theme we’ve had lately because earlier today Victoria Principal filed a lawsuit against her maid, claiming the woman threatened her, kidnaped her dog, damaged her property and assaulted another maid.  And that’s why Victoria pulled a gun on her.  Wait what?

The maid, Maribel Banegas, sued Principal yesterday … but in Principal’s lawsuit, the actress says on December 26, 2008, the maid was told she was fired and flew into a rage and “repeatedly slammed the back door with such force that…the door frame itself was damaged.”
The suit claims the maid struck and injured another maid in the house, then grabbed Victoria’s small dog and left the house.
An hour later, Victoria called the maid on the cell phone, demanding the return of the dog. A short time later, the large maid (6 feet tall, 160ish) returned “dragging Principal’s dog into the kitchen on such a taut leash that the dog’s front paws were lifted off the ground and so roughly that the dog was coughing and wheezing and its eyes bulging.”
The maid was screaming, “Give me money.”
Victoria was so terrified, she went upstairs to her bedroom and retrieved a handgun … The maid allegedly started pounding the kitchen counter and began shouting. She walked toward Victoria, who then “cocked the handgun and told Banegas to leave.” That did the trick. Kinda. The maid ran in the guest house, locked herself in and Sheriff’s deputies had to come and remove her.

There’s no way to know what really happened here but “Maribel Banegas” certainly sounds the name of a bitch who would cut you, so I’m thinking she’s guilty.  Latin chicks are hot but they’re all nuts.  They’re the hottest ones in porn and they do everything but they’re always looking at the guys penis and yelling at it.  Settle down lady.  A penis really only does one thing, and your tough-love program of shouting demands isn’t gonna change that.

(and over here, for no apparent reason, is Victoria’s Playboy and other modeling stuff from 800 years ago)

Dom DeLuise died last night

By brendon May 05, 2009 @ 8:17 AM

Dom DeLuise was sort of like Bernie Mac in the sense that, because of his mannerisms and delivery, everything he said was 10 times funnier than it should have been. Paget Brewster is the same way. They can deliver a line that would die in the hands of most other actors. So it turns out this post is depressing as hell, because one is starring in “Criminal Minds” where she never gets any jokes and the other two are now dead. TMZ says…

We’ve just learned that Dom DeLuise died last night in a Los Angeles hospital.We’re told he passed away peacefully in his sleep at around 6 PM.
He was 75.

This sucks.  He was funny, and one of the last fat stars.  Now the only work fat actors get is struggling to breath halfway up a flight of stairs in an infomercial for an ab machine.

Victoria Silvstedt is a pro at this

By brendon May 05, 2009 @ 7:17 AM

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I wish I had been born as a tall sexy blond and then got big fake tits, because lounging around a pool in a bikini for a living looks like something I could do.

(who: Victoria Silvstedt.  where: Marbella, Spain.  when: 5-2-09.  image source: Flynet)

Is that … oh no

By brendon May 05, 2009 @ 5:26 AM

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I don’t know when this page turned into some geriatric lust fetish site, but last week it was Helen Mirrens breasts, yesterday it was Kelly Ripa and her three kids(*), today it’s Goldie Hawn slipping out of her dress.  It’s not as bad as you might think, but look here you daffy bitch, you’re not 20 anymore, you’re not even 60 anymore, put a GD bra on.  I think a good general rule would be that anyone born while WWII was still going on needs a GD bra.  And before anyone defends the way she looks – BAM.  So thx to Goldie for reminding us that we all slowly turn into monsters.

(*)and yes I realize Kelly Ripa has no business being on that list but I need three or it’s not really a list now is it.  image source = splash news

oprah gave jenny a talk show

By brendon May 04, 2009 @ 3:23 PM

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Jenny McCarthy first got famous in 1993 when she showed her vagina in Playboy, but really found her calling when her 2-year old son was diagnosed with not-autism then not-autism then not-autism then autism (1). So clearly her son had autism, and she blamed vaccines for giving it to him. Specifically the measles vaccine, which up until 1999 contained mercury. Jennys son was born in 2002 and did not receive a vaccine with mercury (2), but she spoke out to have it banned anyway. Again. Extra-banned, and for kids like her son who didn’t get it in the first place to not get it even more in the future. Because now he’s cured. But not really.  Or maybe he never had it to begin with. Either way, all that public speaking has led Oprah Winfrey to give Jenny her very own talk-show!

McCarthy has inked a multi-year overall deal with Winfrey’s Harpo Prods. to develop projects on different platforms, including a syndicated talk show that the actress/author would host.
McCarthy talked to the chat queen about her struggles with her son’s autism in conjunction with the releases of her best-selling books “Louder Than Words: A Mother’s Journey in Healing Autism” and “Mother Warriors: A Nation of Parents Healing Autism Against All Odds.” McCarthy also was part of Winfrey’s Friday Live panels twice, including this past Friday.

The worst thing about Jennys baseless hippie ramblings is that it gives people false hope.  People like me, because I live next door to this couple with two little cunts who stand outside and scream all day. If I thought for one second the measles vaccine could miraculously transform them into nearly invisible mutes I would stab them in the heart with it.

megan fox is underutilized

By brendon May 04, 2009 @ 11:32 AM


As part of the promotional push for “Transformers 2”, Megan Fox has a new video up exclusively on Esquire.com. Which is another way of saying Megan Fox has a video completely ruined by Esquire.com. Esquire and GQ have a unique talent for never ever doing anything right. Here we have Megan Fox in a bra and panties waking up in bed. And they still manage to queer it up. No matter what, those two always fuck it up. I’m genuinely surprised a basket of snakes didn’t dump on top of me when I hit “back”.

Please dont do that Kate Moss

By brendon May 04, 2009 @ 10:41 AM

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Sometimes in fables the Devil will grant someone a wish in exchange for their soul, but of course he’s gotta be a dick about it and give the person what they asked for but with some cruel twist.  Like you ask to be rich and he makes you rich in wisdom or some useless shit like that.  These pictures show what you would get if your wish was for a world famous supermodel, sunbathing topless on a yacht bigger than the high school I went to, and also there’s another girl who is also topless, and they start to do yoga together and the other topless girl starts rubbing the supermodels back and shoulders, perhaps telling her to relax and let go of all her inhibitions.

Pretty hot, right?  Do you remember the part about the cruel twist?  Ta-da.

the Sad Cartoon Turtle found love

By brendon May 04, 2009 @ 8:54 AM

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I hope it doesn’t sound like I’m bragging but “The Sad Turtle Finds Love” would be a pretty good title for a children’s book. Something about never giving up, and how you never know what this day may hold. 20 minutes before you met the true love of your life, you had no idea that you were about to meet the true love of your life. That day could be today. Jesus Christ I’m gonna be rich.

Point being, Maggie got married this weekend to actor Peter Sarsgaard, who I always think is the professor from “Good Will Hunting” but it’s not. I don’t know who he is. You might try the library, they might know.

One time someone asked me if I was forced would I fuck Maggie or Jake. And I said, “… uh … J …. Maggie.” And then they said well what about just deep kissing. And I said, “aww God dammit”.