Paris Hilton is upset bc people assume she’s a slut

By brendon June 01, 2011 @ 1:12 PM

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Paris Hilton and her mom were on CNN last night, so obviously this was no time to talk about her infamous sex tape.

I’m just kidding, that’ll be fine. But only so Paris can talk about how she doesn’t want to talk about it.

“This is not what I planned. I didn’t want to be known as that.
“And now when people look at me they think that I’m something I’m not just because of one incident one night with someone who I was in love with.
“People assume ‘Oh, she’s a slut’ because of one thing that happened to me and it’s hard because I’ll have to live with that for the rest of my life and explain it to my children.”

Aww, the poor little lamb. It’s not fair. It’s like, you sell one home movie of yourself on your knees blowing some guy or getting fucked from behind while you positon your face to make sure the camera is filming you, or you yell about “niggers” at a party, or how the “blacks … steal shit”, or you flash your tits during a 5 day coke binge, or while stoned on a yacht, or get arrested with coke or smuggle coke in your vagina, and all of a sudden people make these assumptions and try to label you as some kind of “party girl”. We’ve all been there. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, I say.

(image source = splash news)

the naked Blake Lively pictures are probably real

By brendon June 01, 2011 @ 2:01 AM

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Earlier tonight, pictures surfaced showing a girl with long blond hair and a perfect body, naked, taking pictures of herself in a mirror with a silver iPhone wrapped in a black case. Awesome, right? But awesome gets awesomer because the girl in the pictures is reportedly ‘Gossip Girl’ star/hot piece of ass Blake Lively.

Unfortunately, a representative for Blake had to cock block and immediately dismissed them as fakes.

“The photos of Blake Lively which have just surfaced on various websites are 100 percent FAKE. Blake has never taken nude photos of herself.”

Well then this is an amazing coincidence because Blake Lively has long blond hair and a perfect body, and in 2008 she had a silver iPhone wrapped in a black case. Just like the one in the naked pictures Blake has never taken. Here she is with it on February 8. And April 7. And June 19. Another clue that it might be her is that it’s a fucking picture, and I’m looking right at her. This representative guy has got some balls.

(NSFW uncensored pics here and here and here and here and here)

SEXY UPDATEnow with 12 new pictures.

behold the power of photoshop

By brendon May 31, 2011 @ 6:12 PM

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Chelsea Handler is on the new issue of ‘Hamptons’ magazine, and yesterday they had a Memorial Day party to premiere it. And they had the real Chelsea stand next to the “Chelsea” on the cover of their magazine.

I don’t think someone really thought this through.

(image source = wenn)

Snooki is even sexier in a neck brace

By brendon May 31, 2011 @ 2:44 PM

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As if Snooki wasn’t already hot enough, now she’s wearing a neck brace as a result of her car crash this weekend. But then it got uncomfortable and she took it off. Until they started filming again and she put it back on.

The Italians really have to think this is some kind of show about partially shaved, domesticated monkeys at this point. 

(image source = bauer griffin)

LeAnn Rimes defends her ribs. I mean, “abs”.

By brendon May 31, 2011 @ 2:12 PM

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Country singer/adulterer LeAnn Rimes tweeted a couple of bikini pictures from her honeymoon in Mexico on Sunday, and since you can see her ribs and hip bones in the pictures, one of her fans said you can see her ribs and hip bones in the pictures.

“Whoa, you’re scary skinny! Sorry don’t mean to offend but that’s a lot of bones showing through skin.”

Keep in mind that LeAnn Rimes will fuck your husband, so she’ll sure as hell patronize fans concerned about her health. And so she replied

“those are called abs not bones love.”

After that her fan decided to agree that none of this was happening (“Maybe it’s just the pic…”) and LeAnn wrote

“thx but this is my body and I can promise you I’m a healthy girl. I’m just lean. Thx for your concern but no need too be.”

I don’t mean to brag but I’m pretty sure I know where your ribs are. And that’s them up along the side. Those aren’t abs. But I don’t actually care anyway because I like girls who are skinny. Not only is it more attractive, but I feel they make my dick look bigger in comparison.

(image source = twitter, fame)

Snooki crashed into an Italian police car

By brendon May 31, 2011 @ 12:26 PM

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Everyone on ‘Jersey Shore’ is dumb as a rock, so to say that Snooki is the dumbest one means she’s practically retarded. It’s like being the ugliest catfish.

True to form, she crashed into the back of a police car this weekend while filming in Florence, putting the two officers in the hospital for minor injuries. She was then taken into custody, though not arrested, because she didn’t have any of her paperwork (oh what a surprise), and will now lose her driving privileges.

It’s actually amazing she even made it to the street without crashing. Whatever the gene is for spatial reasoning, women don’t have it. They’re awesome at a lot of things but they can’t measure for shit. Look at that headline picture. I guarantee her last words were, “I can make that, right?” So to let her drive in Italy had disaster written all over it. You might as well blindfold her and spin her around first.

(image source = pacific coast)

Hermione is optimistic

By brendon May 31, 2011 @ 10:43 AM

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Emma Watson is in Pittsburgh these days to film ‘The Perks of Being a Wallflower’, and over the weekend she went to the gym in a sports bra, just in case her breasts somehow doubled in size while working out and would need one.

(image source = pacific coast)

Michelle Rodriguez is in Monaco

By brendon May 31, 2011 @ 9:51 AM

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Michelle Rodriguez spent the weekend watching the Monte Carlo Grand Prix, and even though she wore pants you could (once again) kind of see her ass. Sebastian Vettel was the winner of the Grand Prix btw, and Michelle was the winner of the Intersex Bikini Contest.

(image source = flynet)