Last night was one of the most important nights of the year in Hollywood and mandatory TV watching because I didn’t want to miss a second of Chargers-Jets on tivo‘Law Abiding Citizen’ on early release bluraythe premiere of ’24′ the Golden Globes!
The host had some real zingers, and when it came time to name the nights big winners, there were plenty of surprises and upsets mixed in with favorites walking away with awards. The stars really shined during their time on stage, and fun light hearted moments mixed with times of seriousness and reflection when called for. Remember that one guy! And that sexy girl! It was one of the best Golden Globes ever if you ask me.
(seriously, who gives a shit about these stupid award shows anymore? Not me, in case you couldn’t tell. But there’s a full list of winners under the cut if you do, weirdo)
American Idol alum Katherine McTits is on the cover of Shape this month, and you can see a full size version of the picture here. You’re better off doing that than borrowing my copy, which at this point is covered in saliva and teeth marks.
TIGER WOODS - is donating $3M in medical care and supplies to help those affected by the earthquake in Haiti, and he may give even more to a similar charity run by Wyclef Jean. In a related story, I got a new cashmere blanket and slept like a little angel last night. Actually I guess those two stories arent that related. (fox sports)
WYCLEF JEAN - Remember that story about Tiger Woods donating money to Wyclefs Jeans charity to help those affected by the earthquake in Haiti? Well it could really enrich a lot of lives, although mostly Wyclefs, because apparently he keeps most of the money for himself. (the smoking gun)
OPIE AND ANTHONY - had celebrity journalist Ian Halperin on the show this morning, and he claims he’s heard the Tiger Woods sex tape. And I don’t mean to brag, but I saw 5 new songs from Kanye, and kicked that Jessica Alba is pregnant again. Look at me everyone, I’m a journalist! (youtube)
CONAN O’BRIEN - is out to salvage what he can from the Tonight Show, so he put it up for sale on craigslist. When Leno saw the ad, he laughed really loud and clapped his hands and said how funny it was, then went behind the scenes and ordered someone to beat up Conans wife. (craigslist)
JENNIFER HAWKINS - is yet another hot Aussie model in a bikini, but unlike Lara, Megan, Erin, and Jessica, Jennifer was in Santa Monica yesterday. The fool doesn’t even know she’s fallen right into my trap. Go ahead my sweet, yell all you want, they can’t hear you in Australia.
Tiger Woods hasn’t been seen in public for almost 2 months now, and there are plenty of theories guessing why, but maybe it’s because he’s been in a sex rehab. Radar says…
The troubled golf great checked into Pine Grove Behavioral Health and Addiction Services, sources say.
The clinic (is) considered one of the top in the nation for sexual addiction.
According to the Web site for the facility, patients usually spend about six weeks in treatment.
Hm. Hattiesburg is where the University of Southern Mississippi is, and that school has like 5,000 hot young white girls, most of them blond, and it’s always 900 degrees so they’re wearing next to nothing. It’s pretty much the last place on earth Tiger Woods needs to be. The only thing he’s gonna learn is how to sneak into a dorm. They might as well have meetings inside a Hooters. This would be like giving a fat person diet tips, but instead of printing them out you write them in icing on a cake.
Fergie and the rest of the Black Eyed Peas filmed a video in LA yesterday, and you can recognize Fergie because she’s the one in the ass-less body suit. The rest of the band is wrapped up head to toe. She has to dress this way because in Hollywood girls aren’t as good as normal people.
Carrie Prejean is in Hawaii today with her boyfriend Kyle Boller, and when they were frolicking in the water he was so busy picking through her hair the same way monkeys do, he didn’t seem to notice that most of her right breast was exposed. Her fans are gonna be so disappointed. The only frolicking she should be doing is with our lord and savior Jesus Christ.
When Jimmy Kimmel began his show earlier this week by doing an impression of Jay Leno and insulting him for 5 minutes, seemingly in defense of Conan O’Brien, Leno knew what he had to do: he had to have Kimmel on his show. And so that’s what he did. Oh and it went just great.
Question 5 LENO: Whats the best prank youve ever pulled? JIMMY: …I think the best prank I ever pulled was, I told a guy, 5 years from now, I’m gonna give you my show, and then when the 5 years came I gave it to him and then I took it back almost instantly. It was hilarious. I think he works at Fox or something now.
Question 6 LENO: Have you ever ordered anything off the TV? JIMMY: You mean like NBC ordered your show off the TV?
It actually gets worse after that. NBC and Leno really have their fingers on the pulse of America. That studio must have labels and stickers on everything so these doofusses don’t end up eating a hat, or finding a beaker with hissing blue liquid in it and stirring it with their dicks.
Luckily, all of the dieters escaped uninjured and managed to move the scales to the corridor, which was not damaged in the accident, and were able to complete their weekly weigh in.
The cause of the floor’s collapse remains under investigation.
Is it? Is it under investigation? As long as this was the same place they always held their meetings, I have one theory, and it smells like sizzling bacon. If this was a new location, and they were lead there by a trail of signs promising punch and pie and then an arrow, than there’s a problem, as this was probably orchestrated by someone trying to murder the floor below.