hulk hogan agrees with oj simpson

By brendon April 15, 2009 @ 10:08 AM

We could go back and forth all day trying to figure out who killed what, while throwing out a bunch of technical mumbo-jumbo about “murderer” this and “blood soaked” that, but you have to admit that OJ Simpson pays a lot less alimony than Hulk Hogan.  A fact Hogan is very much aware of:

…his wife Linda dumped him, forced him out of his $18 million mansion, allegedly spending his money at the rate of $40,000 a month. 
"I could have turned everything into a crime scene, like OJ, cutting everybody's throat. You live half a mile from the 20,000-square-foot home you can't go to anymore, you're driving through downtown Clearwater and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife . . . I totally understand OJ. I get it."

It’s nice such to see someone with such a “glass-half full” attitude.  Some might say OJ went too far when he chopped that ladies head off, but Hulk sees beyond that one indiscretion.  And also the other one.  Maybe OJ had a point.  And what about Hitler, let's talk about Hitler.  A short sickly dark-haired Austrian who told Germany that “us tall strapping blond Germans should rule the world”.  And they bought it.  Quite the little salesman.

mels new woman is a good dancer

By brendon April 15, 2009 @ 9:43 AM

Mel Gibsons new commie girlfriend is a singer back home of course, where she’s known as the “Russian Britney Spears”.  Actually I don’t know if that's true but people are always saying dumb shit like that so it’s probably true.  Point being, for the video of “Utro Bez Tebya” she took her clothes off but covered her breasts and then kind of wobbled back and forth for a little bit.  You can see the video here.  You don’t have to watch it of course, but then you’d miss all that wobbling.  You’d look like quite the fool.  

helpful tip – if you turn the sound off on youtube and then play “hot revolver” by lil wayne, the music for the video is pretty good.  shes really pushing herself in new directions.

angelia is pregnant

By brendon April 15, 2009 @ 7:17 AM

Star magazine will sometimes say just about anything but today they seem pretty confident with not one but two exclamation points in their headline that Angelina Jolie is pregnant again.  Also there's a catfight over Rob.

"Yes, Angie is pregnant." A source close to the actress confirms that Angie is about two and a half months along. "She's thrilled. She said she knew she was pregnant before the test confirmed it!"
Baby number seven couldn't be coming at a better time because the duo have been fighting since Angie caught Brad warmly comforting a nanny in February.
"They'd been trying for another baby for months, but it was still a total shock when she found out. Brad and Angie have been fighting so much lately, it just didn't seem possible."

The temptation to get her pregnant again is understandable since this and this is what she looks like pregnant, but, wow, Brad must be a passionate man because the temptation to pull out on Angelina Jolie would seemingly never get old.  We could have sex every day for a hundred years and she might be scared that she was barren, but she would appreciate all the pineapple juice I’ve been drinking.

britneys got a new man

By brendon April 15, 2009 @ 5:59 AM

Last month, a story came out saying Britney was “dating” one of her back-up dancers, some totally-straight-and-not-gay guy who calls himself Geo.  Then reports surfaced saying she was doin it all over the place with ex back-up dancer Kevin Federline.  Now, both the Daily News and the Sun say she’s gettin it on with a back-up dancer by the name of Chase Benz.  She definitely has a type.

Brit bumped and grinded with beefy CHASE BENZ at regular intervals throughout her set.
And Chase took full advantage of their tactile routines, gawping at the Womanizer star’s breasts when she thrust herself at him.
Sources claim the pair have grown close on the road, with some crediting Chase with bringing the smile back to volatile Britney’s face.

I can’t even … Geo and Chase Benz are alarmingly dumb phony names, and it’s really buggin me.  How do they find time to star in gay porn if they’re on the road with Brit?  You could write a story that said she was dating backup dancer Tank Rockchest and it would sound every bit as credible.  Stud Brickman.  Flex McSmoove.  Harley Rocket.

its mels new woman

By brendon April 14, 2009 @ 4:27 PM

24-year-old Russian pop singer Oksana Pochepa (not to be confused with Russian musisician Oksana Kolesnikova) has told the Sun UK she is dating Mel Gibson, and she doesn't plan on stopping any time soon. 

Oksana, who first hit the Russian charts aged 13, said yesterday: “This is serious and I hope that our union will be real and strong and long-lasting.
“We are different people, but Mel is a grown man and knows precisely what he wants and me too — I know what I want.”
The singer, who is also a model, claimed to have visited Mel on the set of a movie in Boston last summer. But she added the two were not yet ready to go public with details of their love. She said: “I would not like to say more right now.”

I hope Robyn Gibsons divorce attorney didn’t bump her head after she passed out from delight.  Because her clients current husband is dating an exotic 23-year-old model, who just told one of the biggest papers in the world all about it.  Some people (women and homosexuals) will focus on the part where he’s 53, and he went from his 52-year-old wife who gave him seven kids to a swimsuit model who was -4 when he got married.  After this Mel might be lucky to only lose half a billion.  He better spend whatever it takes to get Larry Flynt appointed as a divorce court judge by Friday or he’s fucked.

afternoon headlines

By brendon April 14, 2009 @ 12:20 PM

MEL GIBSON – should brace himself for “the costliest celebrity divorce ever”.  Expected to lose half a billion dollars, he’ll easily pass other celebrity divorces like Michael Jordan (168m), Steven Spielberg (100m), and Paul McCartney (48.6m).  And his wife has hired hot-shot divorce attorney Laura Wasser.  Mel countered by hiring Scott Peterson and OJ Simpson.  They advised her to settle.  (source = ew)

DINA LOHAN – Supermom gave her recovering alcoholic daughter Lindsay a ride to Bardot last night.  Hey guess what Bardot is.  I’ll give you a hint.  (I’m doing the “drinky-drinky” thing where I pretend I’m drinking straight from a bottle). (source = tmz)

KELLY BROOK – she’s still in Barbados, and I don’t know what the deal is but this time (unlike last time) she’s in some frumpy Lands End lookin one piece.  Lets hope this was just some kind of mistake and next time will be better.  I don’t wanna have to get the police involved.

ms. classy, party of one

By brendon April 14, 2009 @ 10:35 AM

Top Model Shauna Sand continued her assault on Americas eyes last night when she went to One Sunset dressed essentially in lingerie and a little coat.  She promptly took the coat off of course.  And who could blame her.  She looked so stuffy all bundled up like that.  I thought she was like a banker or something. 

("Do you have any hexagon shaped implants?  Oh good, I’ll take one.  No I just need the one.")

(image source = splash and pacific coast)

look at me, everyone!

By brendon April 14, 2009 @ 8:19 AM

Hugh Hefner must be some kind of daredevil because his health is failing him these days and yet he actually touched that jenga of disease in the bunny ears at her Easter party on Sunday.  That's got disaster written all over it, you might as well push a hemophiliac into a briar patch.