Mel Gibsons ex might be lying, part 4

By brendon August 04, 2010 @ 4:32 PM

SPL197114_016

Oksana Grigorieva’s former lawyer has been contacted by investigators to ask about some of the most damning claims she’s making about Mel Gibson. Because even though she’s gone on record before, she keeps adding new things to her story.

Specifically she spoke to attorneys while negotiating a settlement from Gibson after they broke up. This was her time to present all the evidence she had to get the most money possible. And yet…

- During the mediation she never expressed any concern that Mel was a threat to baby Lucia
- During the mediation she never said that Mel threatened to kill her, Alexander, Lucia, and himself
- During the mediation she never made any mention nor produced any photo of a black eye

She originally agreed to a 15 million dollar settlement, but then decided that wasn’t enough. Gibsons attorneys have said from the beginning that she was trying to extort money out of Mel, and if he didn’t pay, she would… well she would do this. So enjoy your Pyrrhic victory dipshit. You wanted more of his money, so you made sure he’ll never make any. Bravo. It would be like breaking into a bank by burning it down.

Montana Fishburnes porn tape is early

By brendon August 04, 2010 @ 2:12 PM

montana_fishburne_sex_tape_1

The sextape from Laurence Fishburnes 19-year-old daughter Montana (though not really a sextape but rather a porn shot to look like a sextape) has been moved from an August 18th release date to August 10th because of demand. And while Montana says she and her dad are on good terms and speak at least once a week, she hasn’t spoken to him about this.

“I heard that he’s mad at me but I haven’t spoken to him yet.  I feel pretty confident that I can work things out with him.”
“I think he wants to support me in everything I do, and though he sees this now as a negative, I believe in time he will view it as a positive.”

A bunch of new stills have been released, and although censored by Vivid, most are still astoundingly NSFW. Especially if you work on CSI.

Wyclef Jean is running for president of Haiti

By brendon August 04, 2010 @ 1:16 PM

60303948


Time magazine
is reporting that Wyclef Jean will run for President of Haiti, where he was born and lived until he was 9 and his family moved to New York.

Critics say he’s not qualified, because he’s not, and to prove it Wyclef says he decided to run when it occurred to him that he’s the new Moses.

Haiti’s Jan. 12 earthquake, which ravaged the western hemisphere’s poorest country and killed more than 200,000 people, was the biblical event that sealed his calling. After days of helping ferry mangled Haitian corpses to morgues, Jean felt as if he’d “finished the journey from my basket in the bulrushes to standing in front of the burning bush,” he told me this week. “I knew I’d have to take the next step.”

Wyclef is an idiot, but Haiti is a shithole so whatever. He can’t do worse. That faggity little earthquake was a 7, but you’d think Godzilla went to Port-au-Prince and jumped up and down on it. Chile had an 8.8 a month later and no one lifted a finger for them (*). The three little pigs built better houses than Haiti, so if Wyclef can’t do better than the current guy than he’s dangerously retarded.

(*) the Richter scale is a base- 10 scale, meaning an 8 is 10 times more powerful than a 7.

Jennifer Aniston knows people laugh at her

By brendon August 04, 2010 @ 12:17 PM

59883461

Jennifer Aniston is on the cover of Harpers Bazaar this month, which is a perfect fit because they’re both famous even though no one ever buys either one. In the interview, she tells no one in particular that she knows people laugh at her, though the insufferable egomaniac who men run away from like Medusa doesn’t know why. Oohh oohh oohh, I do, I do!

“People laugh at me. Sometimes I know why, and sometimes I don’t. But I can pretty much find humor in anything. That is a necessary part of life. I don’t want to say laughter is healing, because it sounds corny, but it’s a release.”

And then, as if dared to come up with the worlds least relatable and sympathetic problem, she talked about how much she and Barbara Streisand have in common.

“[Barbra and I] are people who have been put in the spotlight, for better or for worse, and you just keep riding, and you keep overcoming. Barbra inspires me because there isn’t anything she hasn’t done that she wanted to do, especially as a female in the time when her generation was prime. She’s a true renais­sance woman… I had a long conversation with Barbra about directing because I directed a short a couple years ago, and if I don’t do it again soon, I’m going to burst out of my skin. And we also love interior design.”

By “overcoming” Aniston must mean that everyone hates her movies (her last 3: Bounty Hunter made 67 million, Love Happens made 22 million, and Management made 900,000). I dare you to fail that much at a job in the real world. Not only would you be fired, they’d hide a cobra in your car and punch your kid in the face too.

Kelly Brook is persuasive

By brendon August 04, 2010 @ 9:38 AM

SPL200101_021

Kelly Brook was on hand yesterday for the start of her new Reebok campaign with the unveiling of some billboards in London showing her naked except for shoes. Since I’m a big fan I was there to congratulate her, and either the beauty of the picture moved me to tears, or my disguise didn’t work and she sprayed me with mace.

Inception was stolen from Scrooge McDuck

By brendon August 03, 2010 @ 3:50 PM

inception_scrooge_mcduck

Sorry about the fact that there haven’t been any posts today. Some site issues came up this morning and I got all pissed off, so while I sort that out, please enjoy this Scrooge McDuck comic book from 2002 that tells the story of criminals who break into Scooges dreams to steal his secrets, specifically to break into a vault where his secrets are hidden. Scrooge and Donald just want to go home, but the physical world around them is constantly changing and shifting, with crazy things like trains appearing out of nowhere.

If that sounds like the plot of Inception, it should. Christopher Nolan just replaced the Beagle Boys with Leonardo DiCaprio and then made it all fancy by spinning the camera around and shit.

(read it here, or download the pdf here)

hey Jamie Foxx. you suck.

By brendon August 02, 2010 @ 4:24 PM

jamie_foxx_bikini

Jamie Foxx has talked about having sex with Oprah and Kirstie Alley, so maybe that’s why he didn’t seem interested in this girl with him by the pool in Miami yesterday. Jamie will only like you if you go to the pool and someone with a whistle and a ball tries to throw a fish in your mouth.

(image source = mavirx online)

monday headlines

By brendon August 02, 2010 @ 2:19 PM

avril_lavigne_nip_slip_1

AVRIL LAVIGNE – went swimming in Malibu yesterday and for a second her top slipped down a little (NSFW version here). If you can’t open the picture right now, just imagine someone took Grovers nose and put it on a dry erase board. Except not that sexy. (the sun)

LADY GAGA – does cocaine a couple of times a year but doesn’t condone it or think her fans should emulate her. She does want them to continue having terrible taste in music though. (us)

AMERICAN IDOL – offered Steven Tyler the final spot as a judge and he’s “probably” going to take it. Tyler of course is the singer and founding member of Aerosmith, who has 4 Grammys, 21 top 40 songs, is the best-selling American band ever (150 million albums), and has the most gold and multi-platinum albums by an American band ever. Still, when it comes to music, I’d like to hear what Randy Jackson has to say. (people)

MONTANA FISHBURNE – has sex in a car, a hotel room and at the mall in her first porn movie, out on August 18th. Maybe for the sequel she can have sex at her dads funeral on August 19th. (vivid)