it’s the new American Idol judges

By brendon September 22, 2010 @ 6:03 PM



‘American Idol’ officially announced Henniffa Yopez and Steven Tyler as their two new judges this afternoon, with Ryan Seacrest on the ‘Idol’ stage hosting a big announcement show, and Holy Shit is this thing boring. I starting watching it to see Lopez get announced, but then it dawned on me what I was doing and I stopped.

Lindsay Lohan is down to one failed drug test

By brendon September 22, 2010 @ 4:50 PM

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Okay before we get to the new story, read this next quote as it there’s an echo and a white fog around it because we’re flashing back one month ago, back, to August 20th…

“Doctors treating Lindsay Lohan at the UCLA rehab facility reportedly feel that she was misdiagnosed several years ago and should not have been placed on Adderall.
…people who take Adderall when they don’t need it can experience similar effects as people who use cocaine or methamphetamine.”

Okay and now we’re back to today…

“…the second test Lindsay failed showed a positive reading for Adderall, but the L.A. County Probation Department is not recommending jail time for that violation.”

Nice. So, we were told her problem this whole time was adderall, she was let out of rehab because her only problem was adderall, and now she’s still taking adderall, and oh well.

Fantastic.

LA is completely lawless if you hadn’t figured it out by now. It’s like living in the age of pirates. The mayor should wear a powdered wig and cut deals to smuggle rum.

Kim Kardashian is at Oktoberfest

By brendon September 22, 2010 @ 2:53 PM

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Kim Kardashian is in Germany for Oktoberfest this week, and today she posted this picture on twitter, and HOLY FUCK I LOVE PIGTAILS. Even ugly girls look cute with pigtails. A hot girl with big tits and pigtails is too good to be true. If I were a king 2,000 years ago, this is what our god would have looked like. Today there would be statues of her in museums.

Does anyone reading this know anything about German law? If I went and raped her would that be legal? She’s not German and I’m not German, so, no rules, right?

(pics below = Kim in Milan on Monday. source = splash and pcn)

Ashton Kutcher cheated on Demi Moore. With this.

By brendon September 22, 2010 @ 1:58 PM

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Ashton Kutcher was first accused of cheating on his wife Demi Moore about 3 weeks ago, and so he went on twitter and said…

“I think Star magazine calling me a “cheater” qualifies as defamation of character. I hope my lawyer agrees.”

And while we’re on the topic of Star, cheating, and short messages from Ashton Kutcher, Star magazine has posted some text messages that Ashton Kutcher sent to a girl named Brittney Jones so they could plan when Demi would be out of the house and they could bang.

After their tryst–and for over a month after their initial meeting–they continued texting and, in one exchanged Brittney asked, “Whens the next time you’re gonna have an empty house?” To which Ashton replied, “Not sure maybe the end of the month.” Noting at the time he was “w/ my daughter.”

His long term relationship with Moore, who is 15 years older that Ashton, has been one of the things he’s most known for, so if that falls apart, it could really hurt his public perception, and forever change the way people don’t see his movies.

(and yes that’s Brittney in the picture. No tits? Big ass? Oh my heart is pounding through my chest right now, I think I’m in love!)

(image source = splash news online)

aww screw you Japan

By brendon September 22, 2010 @ 1:07 PM

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Yesterday Paris Hilton was denied entry into Japan because, just hours earlier, she was sentenced to a years probation for possession of cocaine in Las Vegas. She landed in Tokyo, officials detained her, she stayed at a nearby motel overnight, and now…

Paris Hilton has flown back home to Los Angeles after she was barred from entering Japan.
Japan has strict immigration laws that bar entry to those convicted of drug offenses.
Hilton — who was set to participate in a fashion show and promote her perfume line with sister Nicky — Twittered that she was disappointed she had to leave and “miss” her fans in Asia.
“I promise to come back soon,” she vowed. “I love you all! Love Paris xoxo.”

Hey what the fuck Japan? Look, we don’t want her either. Do we really have to let her back in? There has to be some crooked official here that can find a loophole so we can do the same thing Japan did. What about that name of hers? Sounds French to me. Is she a French spy? Maybe. Do you wanna just sit there and find out the hard way? I know I don’t.

JWoww is making a fortune off Playboy

By brendon September 21, 2010 @ 7:41 PM

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Every now and then you hear that Playboy is in bad financial shape, and it never seems to make sense, because who doesnt love Playboy, but after this it will start to make perfect sense. Radar says…

There is a $400,000 offer from the mag for the Jersey Shore star to pose naked. We’ve also learned that the deal is not final and may face contractual obstacles from the reality TV show.
…negotiations began at $200,000 and the $400,000 offer is contingent on full nudity. Topless only photos would lower the offer.

Um, seriously? 400 grand? To get JWoww out of her clothes? What does a bottle of Patron cost, like, 40 dollars? I think Playboy is over thinking this. Give me 50 dollars, I’ll get your naked pictures, a blowjob, and 10 dollars change.

(image source = splash news online)

everyone hates Paris Hilton

By brendon September 21, 2010 @ 5:43 PM

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Just hours after appearing in a Las Vegas courtroom yesterday to enter her plea agreement for cocaine charges, Paris Hilton was detained by officials at an airport in Tokyo.

It should have been simple enough, because if there’s one thing foreign countries love, it’s Americans with criminal records entering their country, but for some reason things aren’t going so well. E! says…

She was scheduled to make an in-store appearance in Tokyo Wednesday, but that’s in jeopardy after she was detained upon landing at Japan’s Narita Airport.
Immigration officials detained Paris upon arrival. Anyone on a suspended jail term (such as Hilton) is not allowed to enter Japan except for “special reasons.”
Paris is reportedly staying in an airport hotel overnight while the situation gets sorted out, and she may return to the United States without making her scheduled stops in Malaysia and Indonesia.

I know it goes without saying at this point, but wow. Paris Hilton is a fukcin moron. The only thing the Asians are better at than making girls I want to have sex with is following rules. Of course they stopped her dumb ass. Or maybe they saw her wonk eye and thought she was making fun of them. A good caning should get the truth out of her.

Jodie Foster is defending Mel Gibson

By brendon September 21, 2010 @ 3:52 PM

Mel Gibson

The best thing you can say about Mel Gibsons lately is that there’s been nothing to say about Mel Gibson lately. Unlike last month, when he spent his days rounding up illegal immigrants and his nights defending white women from roaming packs of black guys with their dongs out.

But things have been quiet lately, and now Jodie Foster, who has been friends with Gibson for almost 20 years, is even speaking up in his defense. The Huffington Post says…

Foster describes Gibson as the “easiest, nicest person I’ve ever worked with… The second I met him, I said, ‘I will love this man for the rest of my life.’”
“When you love a friend, you don’t abandon them when they are struggling. Of course, Mel is an undeniably gifted actor and director, and ‘The Beaver’ is one of his most powerful and moving performances. But more importantly, he is and has been a true and loyal friend. I hope I can help him get through this dark moment.”

Of course she also directed that movie she mentioned, ‘the Beaver’, so maybe she’s not doing this simply to be a good friend. Also keep in mind that she’s gay, and God only makes the people that he hates gay. Why are we even listening to this fork-tongued deceiver?