usher was too hard on chris brown

By brendon March 04, 2009 @ 8:12 AM

Yesterday Usher was one of the first black celebrities to say anything negative abut Chris Brown putting Rihanna in the hospital.  When seen looking at this picture, Usher said…

"I'm a little disappointed in this photo.  After the other photo.  C'mon, Chris. Have a little bit of remorse, man. The man's on jet skis? Like, just relaxing in Miami?"

But even that was apparently too harsh, and Usher has now issued an apology.  

"The comments made during a recent recording session amongst friends were taken out of context and blown out of proportion. I apologize on behalf of myself and my friends if anyone was offended. The intentions were not to pass judgment and we meant no harm. I respect and wish the best for all parties involved."

I don’t happen to know any black people, and I haven't been hearing many black people condemn Brown for what he did, so I went over to Media Take Out.  The site takes the controversial position that what Brown did was wrong, but the majority of the readers are too savvy to be fooled by the white media, and they know the truth, specifically that Rihanna beat herself up, she likes being beaten up, she beat him up, she started it, and the TMZ picture is a forgery.  They say…

- "tHAT cAN'T bE hIS bLOOD? wE dON'T kNOW wHAT sHE dID 2 hIM…"
- "Oh and looking at her injuries, it doesn't look like she would be bleeding like that. No one knows what she did to Chris Brown. It could be his blood for all we know."
- "Thanks for revealing to everyone in graffic detail that Rhianna likes it rough…"
- "so, think about it folks if he punched her or slapped her you would see knuckles and/or a hand print on her face somewhere. do you see any of this?"
– "that crazy b!tch prolly beat her own self up…"
- "Man that could be from anywhere…..that blood could be from a honda civic!"

It kind of goes on and on like that for a while, and other than the theory about Honda Civics being hemophiliacs, the majority say the same thing, that this story is not a big deal.  Another thing I discovered during my investigation is that Chris Brown is a little bitch.  I also heard that he lactates, and he acts tough to overcompensate for that and his tiny tiny penis.  In fact his penis is so small it's been declared a choking hazard for kids 0-3.  True Story!

brit begins her tour

By brendon March 04, 2009 @ 6:07 AM

Britney Spears began her comeback tour last night in New Orleans, her first real tour in 5 years, and although understandably nervous, the early major reviews have been good.  MTV said…

 …welcome to Britney's Circus, a big, huge, loud, funny, nonsensical three-ring affair that includes everything under the big top — even an actual big top.
Broken down into four acts — "Circus," "House of Fun," "Freakshow/Peepshow" and "Electro Circ"— the two-hour show is every set designer and choreographer's wet dream, or nightmare, or both. There are literally dozens of costume changes, dancers of all shapes and sizes and acrobats and set pieces that fly about willy-nilly.  It's truly a sight to behold … the biggest show under one roof.
At times, Britney herself is almost dwarfed by the spectacle. She looks great in her myriad of outfits (Genie! Drill Sergeant! Kinda Stripper!) And she can still move with the best of them…

And the LA Times says:

But on Tuesday's opening night of her "Circus" tour at the New Orleans Arena, Britney Spears, the mighty Aphrodite with the troublesome tawdry streak, nonetheless renewed her claim as one of the world's most adept manipulators of the public interest. Powering through a 90-minute show that integrated her impetuous teen hits with the more perverse material from the albums she released after a very public breakdown that made her a constant in the tabloids, the Louisiana native flashed her famous good ol' girl smile at the fans, mostly female, who still find her a worthy patron saint of the erotic arts.

Someone associated with Britney needs to get me tickets for tomorrows show in Atlanta. If I went I would tell Britney that I thought the circus theme for her show was good, because if you think about it, her life has been a "circus" for the past few years.  You know, because of all the turmoil.  And she’d be real impressed because no one had mentioned that yet.  And then we’d do it.

(image source = wenn)

thats way too much teeth

By brendon March 03, 2009 @ 11:14 AM

Am I just seeing what I want to see or is Annalynne McCord forcing the back of her own head down to deep throat a banana?   If so, I appreciate her enthusiasm, but she needs to work on other things before we get to her gag reflex while being degraded.  Starting with the teeth.  A penis would come out with grooves cut into it if she did that.  If she moved around a little it would come out star shaped, like someone just pressed through the Play Doh fun factory.  This is a dangerous game she’s playing.  If she doesn’t work this out I may not let her give me oral.   

(picture source = pacific coast)

the magic bra is back

By brendon March 03, 2009 @ 9:20 AM

One or twice a month Paris Hilton puts on enchanted underwear that makes it appear as if she’s built like a girl, and last night was one of those nights.  It’s not immediately clear why she dressed like Superman, but she’s got a lot of work to do if she wants to be the hottest crime fighter in town.  Or maybe she hasn’t seen me strip as my sexy police officer character.  Tough on crime, easy on the eyes.  Call me ladies!

(image source = pacific coast)

well-fed is in new orleans

By brendon March 03, 2009 @ 7:11 AM

KFed and his new plus sized figure showed up in New Orleans yesterday for the start of Britneys new tour.  It was the same day Brit was announced as the new spokesmodel for Candies.  Kevin was supposed to be down there to watch their kids but all that talk about candy made him hungry and here we see him on the way to AND from an ice cream store.

(image source = fame pictures)

vanessa hudgens at watchmen

By brendon March 03, 2009 @ 4:34 AM

Vanessa Hudgens' hot little ass went to the US premiere of "Watchmen" last night at the Chinese in Hollywood, and she did it in the shortest skirt allowed by law.  It might not even be street legal.  She's so naughty.  Her vagina could be all coarse like a lions tongue and I’d still pound away on it for days. 

(picture source = splash news and getty images)

jennifer aniston at marley and me

By brendon March 03, 2009 @ 4:07 AM

The UK premier for Cottonelle the Movie was last night n London, and I can't explain why but I thought I would post pictures of Jennifer Aniston.   But … umm.  Ahem.  Yeah.  Look, it's like 4am, and there's no way in hell I'm waking up and lookin at her fug ass for 30 minutes.  Honest to god I’d rather wake up because someone was peeing on me.  So here’s Danielle Lloyd and her huge tits instead.  Please enjoy won't you.

(image source = splash news and pacific coast)

theyre at the beverly wilshire

By brendon March 03, 2009 @ 3:56 AM

Chris Brown beat the hell out of Rihanna three weeks ago, and he should be in jail, but instead he went to Diddys Miami mansion and partied for three weeks while the cuts and bruises on her face healed.  Now she’s decided he’s suffered enough, and they’re working things out.  Fantastic.  OK! says…

The story of Chris Brown and Rihanna's tainted love continues. Now that the on-again has couple returned to L.A. together, OK! has learned exclusively that the pair — rather than go to either of their L.A.-area homes — immediately checked into the posh surroundings of the Beverly Wilshire Beverly Hills hotel. 

Why does it feel like I'm angrier at this piece of shit than she is?  And now I'm angry at her too.  He put her in the hospital, then went and rode some jet skis.  Now she’s back.  When he knocks her around again, it's gonna be pretty hard to care.  If you dip yourself in honey then climb into a bear cage, and then the bear bites you, really who's fault is that?