friday afternoon headlines

ORLANDO BLOOM AND MIRANDA KERR - had a boy. And I bet that handsome bastard has already gotten more pussy than I have this year. (us) LINDSAY LOHAN - has been handed a $135,000 Range Rover Onyx, to borrow "for an undisclosed length of time", by a Beverly Hills dealer.... read more

Jason Statham and Rosie Whitely are in Anguilla

Jason Statham and his girlfriend Rosie Huntington-Whiteley were on Anguilla in the British West Indies this week, and you'll be happy to hear she was as plain and boring and average as she always is. The good news is that these pictures use a special new technology, and... read more

Kim Kardashian looks different

I only bought these because she was in see thru tights and Splashes headline said, "Kim Kardashian shows some big lips while leaving her house". I feel like they should have been more specific. But apparently they're implying that she recently had some kind of injection... read more

"Hey. Hey Victoria Silvstedt... little help?"

Victoria Silvstedt was in St Barts yesterday, enjoying the water in a bikini, I think while an old lady lay in the sand dying behind her. So Victoria did the polite thing and moved down the beach a little. She deserves a little dignity in her final moments. RIP old fat... read more

Lindsay wants to build a fence so Sam cant spy on her

When Lindsay Lohan moved from West Hollywood to Venice Beach, about a 30 minute drive in traffic, she was shocked and disappointed to learn that her ex girlfriend Sam Ronson had preemptively stalked her by moving right next door first. Ahhh, but Lindsay has once again... read more

Jennifer Aniston is a drunk

A lot of people are making fun of Jennifer Aniston today because she was drunk at the Peoples Choice Awards last night and could barely slur enough words together to give Adam Sandler his award. Actually she didn't slur enough words together because she forgot one of... read more

Jessica Szhor is naked for Sobe

About this time last year, Sobe tricked Ashley Greene into getting naked in front of them so they could take pictures of it. And it was fantastic. Yet for some reason, instead of re-creating that, this year Sobe hired Jessica Szhor of... I don't know. Vampire Diaries? ... read more

Jenny McCarthy is not actually a doctor

Jenny McCarthy, Miss October 1993, who has now murdered 622 children, has spent the last few years insisting that vaccines gave her kid autism, despite the fact that it's not true and her kid probably never had autism to begin with. Her only real medical evidence came... read more

Eliza Doolittle is... um... someone in a bikini

I'm guessing most people have no idea who Eliza Doolittle is, but she's a 22 year old singer from London and more to the point she's in Barbados in a bikini. Even morer to the point, the first week of January is always excruciatingly slow, and stuff like this passes off... read more

Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock are not dating

Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock have been friends for over a decade and are both now famously single, but even though they've been doing things lately that people do when they're dating, they're apparently not dating. despite speculation that a romance is brewing in the... read more

Lindsay Lohan was drunk at Betty Ford

The bad news for Lindsay Lohan is that she apparently committed several different violations of her probation during her stay at the Betty Ford center. The good news is that it never seems to mater how many laws she breaks, so just throw these on the pile I guess. Palm... read more

Wednesday headlines

JAKE GYLLENHAAL AND TAYLOR SWIFT - broke up, and now that vindictive psychopath will no doubt try to embarrass him in one of her songs. "And people wonder why I'm gay," Jake will no doubt say to himself. ( LINDSAY LOHAN - says she's not stalking her ex Sam Ronson,... read more