Unfortunately she turns around

By brendon August 07, 2009 @ 2:57 AM

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I can’t live your life for you, but if you’re so obsessed with naked girls that you’ll even look at Kate Moss pictures, you need to look yourself in the mirror and ask if that’s really the kind of person you want to be. Or just sit there and look at the pictures. Whatever man it’s your life.

(hq jump here. all the pics on the other side. picture source = fame)

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Cause of death is almost official

By brendon August 07, 2009 @ 2:55 AM

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After much speculation, law enforcement officials say there is essentially no doubt that Michael Jackson was killed by Dr. Conrad Murray after he injected Jackson with a lethal cocktail of powerful sedatives. The AP says…

…the type of sedatives Dr. Murray gave Jackson were benzodiazepines, often used to calm patients before surgery. Murray told investigators the doses were within normal medical guidelines, said the official, who spoke to The Associated Press on condition of anonymity because the investigation is ongoing.
Even at acceptable levels, benzodiazepines can intensify how the anesthetic propofol depresses breathing, so strict monitoring and careful dosing is required. The balance can be tricky, a slip-up disastrous.

Murray denies giving Jackson multiple drugs, and unless law enforcement can prove he did or at least knowingly gave him drugs that would react in combination with other drugs already in Jacksons system, there may be no way to prosecute him for Jackson’s death.

If a twice-delayed final toxicology report reveals an array of drugs, the answer to the simple question “What killed Michael Jackson?” will become a complex medical and legal dispute, especially if authorities can’t prove Murray knew everything Jackson was taking. That would complicate any prosecution.
If the results show “a bunch of stuff together, unless one of them is sky high it’s going to be really tough to give the cause of death to one drug.”

Day 44 since he died by the way. Still no plans to bury him. Too much trouble I guess. The Jacksons will probably wait a few more weeks for things to cool down, then put a beard and mustache on him and throw him in front of someone’s car on the 405. It’s highway patrols problem now.

There. Are you happy now.

By brendon August 07, 2009 @ 2:50 AM

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I would rather investigate gunfire from my childs bedroom than whether or not Lady GaGa has a penis, especially since this quote is at least a year old. But for whatever reason it’s been rediscovered and is everywhere today, so this is what she allegedly once said.

“It’s not something that I’m ashamed of, just isn’t something that I go around telling everyone. Yes. I have both male and female genitalia, but I consider myself a female. It’s just a little bit of a penis and really doesn’t interfere much with my life. The reason I haven’t talked about it is that it’s not a big deal to me. Like come on, it’s not like we all go around talking about our vags. I think this is a great opportunity to make other multiple gendered people feel more comfortable with their bodies. I’m sexy, I’m hot. I have both a poon and a peener. Big fucking deal.”

I don’t know where this notion came from that I have some roster of noteworthy hermaphrodites, but I have no idea if she has a penis or not. The gif I made (no need to thank me) is from this video and everyone says you can see it there. People on her message board have talked about it, but finding a reputable source is tough.  Especially since I barely even tried.

Lots of websites have posted it but sometimes the internet lies. Like once someone broke into my house and I was very frightened so I signed up for BigTitPatrol.com.  The website claims they’re “enforcing the law with big natural tits”, but if you read the fine print you’ll discover these girls have no actual legal authority. This despite countless pictures that clearly show them sexily arresting people.  The whole thing is very deceptive.

Afternoon Headlines

By brendon August 06, 2009 @ 6:49 PM

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KATY PERRY – has agreed to be one of the guest judges replacing Paula Abdul during the American Idol auditions, which begin tomorrow in Denver. It’s not clear who the fourth judge will be for that.  One artist who is being mentioned is busty bikini model Denise Milani, although mostly by me, just now.  (source = ny daily news)

STEVEN TYLER – the Aerosmith lead singer suffered head, neck and shoulder injuries after falling off a stage in Rapid City, South Dakota. Specifically, at the Buffalo Chip Campground, where the concert was being held. In a related story, are you fucking kidding me. (fox news)

JASON STATHAM – FUN FACT: even cool guys look like spazzy dorks in diving masks. FUN FACT 2 – but don’t mention that because Jason Statham will murder you with a jetski and laugh while doing it. (hq jump here. source = splash and fame)

John Hughes just died

By brendon August 06, 2009 @ 4:54 PM

John Hughes, the writer and director who is mostly well known for era-defining crap like “Sixteen Candles” and “the Breakfast Club”, not to mention the “Home Alone” movies, died today of a heart attack at the age of 59.

But I’m not here to trash the dude, because he also wrote “the Great Outdoors” and wrote and directed “Uncle Buck” and “Planes, Trains and Automobiles”. People forget how awesome John Candy was, which sucks because, as previously implied, he was awesome. He died way too young at the age of 44, and the world of comedy was lesser for it. Although considering he was morbidly obese, 44 was practically immortal.

Sting is naked, isn’t he

By brendon August 06, 2009 @ 4:13 PM

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Sting is kind of a pervert, so there’s at least a 50 percent chance he doesn’t have anything on under that towel. 75 percent if you go by Randy Gerbers reaction. But Stings wife is pretty hot for 55, so maybe I’d be naked too.

If you hadn’t done the math yet, Sting joined Cindy Crawford in St. Tropez. This is the yacht they’re on, by the way. It’s roughly twice the size of the high school I went to. With all the supermodels on yachts in St. Tropez going on, you may think their life is better than yours. And you would be right, it is. Not mine though. I’m a hunk!

(hq jump here.  source = fame and splash)

Being Cindy Crawford looks fun

By brendon August 06, 2009 @ 3:46 PM

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So, um, I actually uploaded these pictures of Cindy Crawford in St. Tropez like 4 hours ago. And I thought I published them then. But I didn’t. Yaay! I hope this won’t sound like bragging, but I might be a genius. In fact several top scientists have asked me to wear a football helmet at all times so I don’t damage my precious, precious brain.

(5 more here. hq jump here. source = splash and fame)

Victoria is the new Paula

By brendon August 06, 2009 @ 2:33 PM

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I’m completely unapologetic when it comes to Victoria Beckham. That bitch is hot, and I would very much like to have sex with her. Some people disagree. Those people are wrong and/or queer. So needless to say if she ended up as the new judge on American Idol, I would watch the hell out of that stupid show. The Sun UK says…

A source said: “Paula’s absence leaves a big gap on the judging panel. At least 25 million viewers tune in every week.
“It needs a big star. Simon Cowell and Victoria have always got on. It would be an incredible coup to get Posh. She was in one of the biggest girl groups in history so she knows what she is talking about. Simon Fuller is now speaking to her.”

Fuller of course is the shows creator and producer. He also created and managed the Spice Girls. Still, it seems unlikely they would put two Brits on American Idol. When Brits get together over here they drop any attempt to curb their accent and they start rambling about bangers and mash and the loory and “this rum tums all jubbed up” and no one over here would have any idea what the hell they were talking about. So like Paula was still there, except I’d have an erection.