divorce is now inevitable

By brendon March 29, 2010 @ 3:38 PM

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Sandra Bullock has spent the past few weeks in Austin, Texas, hiding from the media as stories of her husbands infidelity came in like waves. But this weekend she returned to LA, and it’s safe to say absence from Jesse did not make her heart grow fonder. Popeater says…

“It’s over,” a friend of Bullock tells me. “After everything that has happened, it is impossible for them to get back together, even though I’m sure she still loves the man she thought he was.”
Sandra is already back in the Hollywood Hills home she lived in before her marriage and never sold. Neighbors remarked about all the activity at the house with cars coming and going in the last few days.
“Sandra has returned home to face the problem head-on. She isn’t the sort of woman to bury her head in the sand and hope everything will go away,” said an insider. “As painful as this is going to be, expect Sandra to cut out the cancer very soon.”

I can’t even get a girl to make me a sandwich, much less share her 100 million dollar fortune while I bang some whores, so if this retard can talk his way out of this I may have to change my opinion of him.  Not because I would respect him, but because I’d be scared he’d drop a chandelier on me with his mind or something.

katy perry seems fun

By brendon March 29, 2010 @ 3:00 PM

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Katy Perry wore a sexy blue wig and super tight dress to the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards this weekend, and if she enjoys unwrapping a package and having things at chest level discharge all over her face, I may have discovered my soul mate.

cameron diaz and hollywood really do suck

By brendon March 29, 2010 @ 2:31 PM

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Cameron Diaz filmed some scenes for ‘Bad Teacher’ this weekend, and I don’t know what that’s about, but this is probably a safe bet:

Trailer/ Poster – If the poster doesn’t say “Hot For Teacher” or the trailer doesn’t play “Hot For Teacher”, I will eat my fucking hat.

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site issues

By brendon March 29, 2010 @ 1:30 PM

Did you know Nikola Tesla was transmitting data wirelessly up to 30 miles, way back in 1896. Meanwhile, up here in 2010, Comcast can’t figure out how to do the same thing, with wires, over a distance of 4 miles. Fantastic.

the vanilla gorilla (update!)

By brendon March 26, 2010 @ 6:54 PM

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Jesse James is an idiot, so I refuse to accept the possibility that Michelle Bombshell gave him the nickname ‘Vanilla Gorilla’ because he has a big dick. More likely is that he still has this Halloween costume that he wore back in 2004, seven months before he and Sandra Bullock got married. So presumably this is where the nickname came from. And it’s why my costume this year will be called “Dongzilla”.

RACIST UPDATE - A friend pointed out that Jesse has companies named Vanilla Gorilla LLC, Way Fast Whitey LLC, and Mighty Whitey LLC. And he was banging a white supremacist Nazi. And the West Coast Choppers logo is an Iron Cross, which is a symbol for many things of course, but was also a medal given by the German army up through WWII. Rommel and Goring won it, for example. Oh but I’m sure this is all just coincidence.

lindsay got denied from another party

By brendon March 26, 2010 @ 6:32 PM

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For two years I’ve been begging people to stop pretending like Lindsay Lohan was still a big deal and to stop letting her into parties and bars. She’s a complete fuckup and a burden in every way. Someone had to put their foot down, and that foot was me (*). So congratulations to Victorias Secret, who is also now a foot.

The place to be in Hollywood Thursday night was the Victoria’s Secret party at hot new nightclub Trousdale…that is if you were anybody other than Lindsay Lohan.
While celebs like Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton had a blast catching up and Russell Brand flirted with VS super-models Miranda Kerr and Alessandra Ambrosio, Lindsay was blocked at the door
“As soon as she strolled up to the door, the rope was quickly pulled in front of her. She tried to pass the big bodyguard but he blocked her way.” No matter what Lindsay did, she couldn’t get in!
Lindsay didn’t care and still tried to barge her way through, our eyewitness says. “But the security guys weren’t having it and escorted her to the exit.”

This is really a new low. Nicole Richie got in? Nicole didn’t even do anything when she was doing something, and that was 4 years ago. Now she extra does nothing, and that’s still more respected than what Lindsay does. Nicole is at zero, and yet that’s several spots higher than Lindsay. It’s like not having enough money to buy something that’s free.

(*) that’s from Animal House, if you didn’t know.

kelly bensimon in a bikini, part 5

By brendon March 26, 2010 @ 5:40 PM

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‘Real Housewives of New York’ star Kelly Bensimon is still in Miami today, and I never noticed how vascular she is. And veiny too! I don’t really like girls that strong. What if she’s jacking me off and then she gets mad about something and rips my penis off and starts beating me with it? That’s how my grandfather died. If I died like that too, the other men in my family would probably start to get real paranoid.

kim kardashian is dating already

By brendon March 26, 2010 @ 4:41 PM

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Back in June someone told me that Reggie Bush was cheating on Kim Kardashian with a receptionist at East Jefferson Hospital in New Orleans, so the new rumor that he slept with a waitress from Red Rock on Sunset sort of fits that same mold. But before anyone starts thinking he’s a prick they should know the reason for him and Kim drifting apart was that he hated always being in the spotlight. All she wanted to do was get her picture taken. All he wanted to do was be with his girlfriend.

Also she can’t be to torn up because she’s already hooking up with someone new, a soccer player named Wayne Bridge. The Sun says…

Bridge, 29, bumped into the busty telly babe in a Miami club’s VIP area (and) the pair have been swapping texts ever since and plan to meet when Kim flies to London next week.
A pal of the Manchester City ace said last night: “They met while Wayne was cheering himself up on a lads’ night out and got on like a house on fire.
“They exchanged texts, have been in touch ever since and will be hooking up when Kim comes to the UK.
“It’s early days but she’s certainly put a smile back on Wayne’s face as she’s great fun and absolutely gorgeous. He’s looking forward to catching up when she’s in town.”

Well it does seem like her type. Another rich and famous athlete. Girls like guys like this because they have lots of power and respect. That’s why I’m building a doomsday device. Being able to wipe certain countries off the map will be nice, but just think of the pussy.

(image source = splash news online)