“I’m always traveling for cock.”

By brendon June 17, 2010 @ 11:10 AM

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I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess that Megan Fox doesnt have to scour the countryside to find someone, anyone, to have sex with her. Not only does Cameron Diaz have to do that, but she seems to think it’s some badge of honor. The Sun says…

“Oh gosh, I can’t even count how many times I’ve gotten on a plane for love.
“It’s not unusual in this business – my lifestyle demands it.
“I’m always traveling for cock. You’ve got to go where it is.”
And Cameron didn’t leave it there.
“I’m primal on an animalistic level, kind of like, ‘Bonk me over the head, throw me over your shoulder. You man, me woman.’
“Not everybody has the right kind of primal thing for me… I love physical contact.
“I have to be touching my lover, like, always. It’s not optional.”

I don’t feel so good all of a sudden. This would be a terrific story if Jessica Alba were the one telling it, but Cameron Diaz looks like she just punched her way out of a grave. I’d rather fuck Jessica Albas shoe than Cameron Diaz.

demi lovato in a bikini, pt. 2

By brendon June 17, 2010 @ 9:31 AM

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Demi Lovato is much cuter than she looks in these bikini pictures from Mexico, but girls are like that. Guys pretty much look the same 100 percent of the time. Girls have these wild swings. Is it because they’re black-hearted shape-shifting demons sent here to ruin the world? My extensive study of suburban white girls leads me to believe that, yes, yes that’s exactly what they are.

ohai katy perry upskirt picture

By brendon June 16, 2010 @ 5:20 PM

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Katy Perry gave a quick outdoor concert in New York yesterday as part of a promotion for Volkswagen, and because she was wearing a super short skirt susceptible to pictures like this, she had the good sense to wear underwear. And by that I mean screw you Katy Perry, although you probably can’t hear me up there in your ivory tower. Why do you have to ruin everything. Pardon me for wanting to see your vagina, your majesty. I’m soooo sorry.

(pictures = splash news online)

demi lovato looks good in a bikini

By brendon June 16, 2010 @ 4:57 PM

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Demi Lovato is down in Mexico today, and yes she’s 17 and yes these pictures show part of her ass. At first it might seem similar to the Miley stuff but there’s a huge difference between a girls vagina and her ass. And if you didn’t already understand that, I feel really sorry for your girlfriends ass after sex. I bet she was pretty surprised when it dawned on her you didn’t know there was a difference.

(source = splash news online)

“…that’s some idiot being an idiot.”

By brendon June 16, 2010 @ 4:32 PM

As you’ve no doubt heard, disfigured pedophile Perez Hilton posted an uncensored up-skirt picture of Miley Cyrus on Sunday, and although he quickly took it down and never reposted it, he claims it was perfectly okay for him to post it the first time. He also claims that he and Miley heart each other and this was all in fun LOL!

So Miley must have laughed it off on Ryan Seacrests radio show, right?

Miley said of the (picture), “that’s some idiot being an idiot.”
Perez has come under fire in recent days for posting an image of what was rumored to be Miley not wearing any underwear. If that were so, Perez could’ve faced legal action from the 17-year-old star’s camp as the photo could be considered child pornography.
“Isn’t it funny things like that, that are so negative, have to come out right before my record?” asked Miley. “It’s like, no one can just let a positive thing happen.”

Well that last part didn’t make any sense but whatever. The important part is to highlight that no one actually likes Perez, yet for some reason the media has been tricked into thinking he’s influential. It’s also a prime chance to point out that he looks like something that would live in an old gnarled tree and bake children into pies.

jlh loves the way she looks. wait never mind.

By brendon June 16, 2010 @ 2:48 PM

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The article from People is a perfect microcosm of Jennifer Love Hewitt. It’s a looping combination of retardation and denial that only she could manage. Please trust me when I tell you that both these quotes are from the very same 300 word interview. We start here…

In a world that’s overly focused on body image, Jennifer Love Hewitt is urging young women not to obsess about weight – because it’s simply not worth it.
“When I meet young girls, I’m always like, ‘Just do me one favor,’ ” she tells PEOPLE in its new issue. “Love what you look like right now – and remember I said it 10 years from now because it’s the greatest gift I can give.”

But somehow finish here…

(Hewitt) still fesses up to dreaming about having a certain body type.
“I’d want to have Gisele Bundchen’s body. Even though she’s tall and skinny, she does have curves … and I think that’s hot,” says Hewitt. “Halle Berry also is kind of amazing.”

I don’t mean to dwell in the past but you just said girls should love their own body. Then you named two unattainable standards of beauty that no one could live up too and that you yourself envy.

But, whatever. Good. I’m glad she’s so transparently miserable. She should stop trying to make people feel like superficial dicks just because she let herself go to hell. Fuck her. She might as well done this entire interview by making little oinky piggy sounds.

megan fox is engaged again

By brendon June 16, 2010 @ 12:20 PM

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While in Hawaii two weeks ago, Megan Fox reportedly got engaged to Brian Austin Green (for the second time), but really all this story will do is give the dorks and fatties and keyboard nerds another reason to make fun of her. Us magazine says…

Green popped the question to Fox (on) June 1. But in all the excitement, the happy couple somehow lost the ring.
“I saw her jumping up and down,” a witness (says). “Later, I saw a half dozen staff sifting through the sand.”
Alas, the 2-carat sparkler, which the pair picked out together from Excalibur jewelry store in Beverly Hills, remains MIA.
“Security and maintenance staff spent a couple of hours looking for it,” another source tells Us Weekly. “No one found it.”

Megan has been especially low profile lately, maybe because this is true and she is engaged and doesn’t want to be hounded about it. Or maybe she heard I went off the grid and is trying to hide under that hat. Oh silly Megan. When two hearts are meant to be together no hat or smart ass judge or manhunt can stand between them.

chris klein got a DUI (holy shit update)

By brendon June 16, 2010 @ 10:38 AM

Radar is reporting that Chris Klein was arrested early this morning, around 3:30am, on suspicion of drunk driving after being stopped on the Hollywood Freeway in Los Angeles.

And that’s all that’s known at this point. Because it’s Chris Klein. I doubt the internets top investigators were assigned to this one. He might be the worst actor alive, and seems like a complete douche. Which is why I really hope he goes to jail. He would think he was real cool and would try to hang out with the black guys, and walk up to them in the day yard while one guy bench presses 8000 pounds and say, “whats up man, I’m Chris Klein, the actor. Yeah, from American Pie. Whats up. I’m in here for some bullshit, you know what I mean. Fuckin pig cops. Yeah, look, look this guy over here, he knows what I’m sayin.” Later, as they rushed him to the emergency room and tried to figure out which part of his head was the front, his ass would look like a life preserver.

AMAZING UPDATE – now its being reported that Klein had a blood alcohol level of .20, close to THREE TIMES the legal limit. And that dick had a dog in the car.