Public Pools Are Full Of Shit

May 17, 2013 | News | Brendon| 0 Comments

The CDC tested 161 public pools in the Atlanta area and found that 58% of them had traces of E. Coli and fecal matter. The CDC says it has to do with several factors including poor hygiene on the part of the swimmers and little kids having what they innocuously refer to as  “formed fecal […]

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Courtney Stodden’s Mom Is Supportive

May 17, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

When I imagine a teen daughter telling me her dream is to pump up her tits and become a fame whore in Hollywood, I hear myself asking a follow up question or two. Courtney Stodden’s mom got the pitch, and without hesitation slammed a needle full of HSV vaccine into her daughter’s ass and bought […]

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The Howe Twins Are Entrepreneurial

May 17, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

The Howe Twins have come to America to fuck their way famous. Sounds crude, but it’s the truth, and it’s actually not all that crude, or new, or wrong. Judging by the looks on their faces leaving the Roosevelt Hotel late night, I’d say they notched another milestone in their strategic plan. Whenever we do […]

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Farrah Abraham Wants To Buy A $3 MM Mansion

May 17, 2013 | celebrity | Brendon| 0 Comments

Depending on whom you believe, former Teen Mom “star” and current sex tape “star” Farrah Abraham made anywhere between $500,000 and $1.5 million for agreeing to make Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom. Because this is America and Farrah is young and stupid, she’s already out shopping for a $3 million mansion that she can look […]

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Someone Stole $1 Million In Jewels At Cannes

May 17, 2013 | celebrity | Brendon| 0 Comments

Sofia Coppola‘s The Bling Ring is the true story of a group of regular nobodies who wanted to be famous so much that they stalked young celebrities via the internet to find out when they wouldn’t be home and then broke in and stole a bunch of shit from them. Some of the stars were […]

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Carmen Ortega In A Bikini

May 17, 2013 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Only important people get phone calls at the beach. When I’m by the water, I’m usually there with the one or two people who might call me anyhow, so if the phone rings, it’s usually somebody with a harsh accent asking where Effram is. If I knew where Effram was, half my cell phone calls […]

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Cindy Crawford Still Has It

May 17, 2013 | celebrity | Brendon| 0 Comments

The 66th Cannes Film Festival kicked off in France yesterday, as some of the world’s biggest movie stars and celebrities hit the red carpet for the opening ceremonies. The event began with The Great Gatsby, so stars Leonardo DiCaprio and Carey Mulligan showed up to do their promotion duties, while celebrities from Steven Spielberg and […]

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Somebody’s Going to Vegas (And It’s Not Farrah Abraham, She Doesn’t Like Us)

May 17, 2013 | site news | colin| 0 Comments

Congratulations to some dude who calls himself Andrew. In the sea of entries of people with hardships so powerful I became too depressed to play my Scatchers, Andrew nailed the best reason why he deserves this killer trip to Vegas for Memorial Day Weekend. Andrew, don’t be a shmuck now and respond to your email. […]

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Maxim Fucked Up But They Won’t Admit It

May 17, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Maxim held a party to honor their awkward selection of Miley Cyrus as the Hottest woman in the known universe. I think this is one of those times in life where you make a poor choice, realize your mistake, but you’re too embarrassed to tell anyone you fucked up so badly so you go along […]

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Miranda Kerr Meets the New Boss, Same as the Old Boss

May 17, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I once got some wise advice. Never ask for a raise unless you can afford to be fired. I don’t think that’s universal advice. I think it was geared at a guy like me with few appreciable job skills. Miranda Kerr has no such hurdle. So she asked Victoria’s Secret for a raise and they […]

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