Is Britney engaged or what?

By brendon August 12, 2009 @ 1:45 PM

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Britney Spears rarely wears much jewelry and almost never wears the same stuff consistently, so many are wondering why she’s been flashing a big diamond on her left ring finger for about a month now. She even kept it on during her recent bikini photoshoot, leaving many to wonder if she’s now engaged to her boyfriend/agent Jason Trawick. Another theroy is that she’s just doing this to mess with the media.

Yet another theroy is that she was in better shape a month ago and now she’s too fat to get the ring off. They should attach all the kitchen cabinet doors to bowflex resistance rods and raise all the food so it’s like 8 feet high. That way the only time Britney can eat is when she’s in good enough shape to get to the food. Or you can have different food at different heights.  Fruits and vegetables will be 6 feet high.  Pie will be at 9.  If she’s too fat to jump to the pie, she’ll just have to starve and try again when she’s lighter.

(hq jump here.  source = fame)

Angelina is frisky

By brendon August 12, 2009 @ 11:08 AM

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While walking the red carpet Monday night for the Hollywood premier of “Inglorious Basterds”, Angelina Jolie talked a little about how much she loves gettin it on, and how she and Brad Pitt seek out new and different places to stick it to her. The Sun UK says…

ANGELINA JOLIE and BRAD PITT have opened up about their sex life again – saying they get intimate in LOTS of different places.
Last week Brad revealed that a secret grotto behind the waterfall in their pool was “a great place for sex”.
But Angie revealed that it was just one of many.
“We’ve got a few special places, you know? You keep it going.”
Brad laughingly added: “”There is an old Hollywood property just a few minutes away. It has a grotto there. The rumour is Jimi Hendrix spent some time there.”

I have no idea what the hell they’re talking about, but whatever. Whenever and wherever she wants to have sex would be fine with me. A waterfall, a grotto or a cage filled with lions – the answer is “yes”.  Crime scene?  Hospital?  Morgue?  Yes.  Yes.  Yes.  She could just gesture to a graveyard as we drove by and I would dig up the recently dead and use them to prop up her ass if that’s what she wanted. Who cares, just as long as I get to hump her.

Channing Tatum was a stripper

By brendon August 11, 2009 @ 6:46 PM

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I didn’t watch this whole thing so I’m taking their word for it, but Us magazine says “GI Joe” star Channing Tatum was a male dancer or stripper or whatever the hell they call it for guys back in 1999, and they have the video to prove it.

Then 18, the star — who performed under the alias “Chan Crawford” — approached the troupe’s owner London Steele at a now-defunct Florida nightclub about a job.
“He was shy at first, but he really knew how to work the stage,” Steele tells Us, adding that Tatum lip-synched in the act and earned $50 a night (plus tips) during his year-long stint.
“The women went crazy for him!” Steele added.

People must have been easier to impress back in 1999 because what little of this is I did watch was anything but entertaining. It doesn’t even look like dancing. It looks like someone electrocuted Color Me Badd.

Yeah this makes sense

By brendon August 11, 2009 @ 4:59 PM

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Paulina Porizkova is prancing around St. Barths topless today, and if you don’t know she was the worlds most famous model back in the 1980′s, and in 1989, in her prime, she married the Cars lead singer Ric Ocasek. She looked better back then, but he still looked like this. Like the Berries and Cream lad was held captive in a Russian program camp, died of disease and malnutrition but then was somehow reanimated and after that started a band.

(hq jump here. all 26 on the other side for obvious reasons)

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Scott Ruffalo is still dead

By brendon August 11, 2009 @ 4:00 PM

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Remember Scott Ruffalo?  He was Mark Ruffalos brother.  He worked at a real fancy hair salon in Beverly Hills and was shot in the head in January of 2008.  Well if you don’t you and the Beverly Hills police department have a lot in common.  Because they either don’t remember him or they were told he came back to life because its been 19 months and they’ve yet to arrest anyone or even determine if it was a suicide or homicide, despite the fact that two people were they’re when it happened.

The great Mark Ebner did a recent piece about this and one of the things he mentions is that the bullet entered Ruffalos right frontal and parietal scalp and traveled downward at a 45 degree angle.  This means one of two things:

1. Ruffalo was Mr. Fantastic.
2. Someone else shot him.

Heath Ledgers final role

By brendon August 11, 2009 @ 2:33 PM

Heath Ledger had finished about half of his scenes for “The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus” when he died on January 22nd of last year, but thankfully his final work was salvaged by having Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and Colin Farrell play Ledgers character in various incarnations. Luckily this is a Terry Gilliam movie so I’m sure shit like that will seem perfectly reasonable as it happens. This is the brand new trailer and it looks okay, but if it doesn’t have teen vampires moping around and getting into love triangles, how good could it really be? What a piece of shit! Why did they even bother?!

Paulina Rubio is kind of hot

By brendon August 11, 2009 @ 1:08 PM

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Paulina Rubio is back in Ibiza, Spain this week, and she must love it there because she was there this time last year too. I think she’s still a huge star in Latin America, but that’s really just a guess. I ran a search on her to find out for sure but it turns out she doesn’t exist. Possibly because I spelled her name “Rubino”.  I was going to look her up with the correct spelling after that, but it was getting pretty late. I can’t be sitting her all day investigating whether or not certain Latin people exist, you know.

Angelina still rules

By brendon August 11, 2009 @ 11:38 AM

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Last night was the much anticipated Hollywood premiere of Brad Pitts “Inglorious Basterds”, and jesus christ Angelina Jolie is still the hottest piece of ass on the planet and it’s not even close. And I’ve officially had it with all the dumb rumors of their imminent demise. Look at the way she looks at him. Why would she fake this? It’s not like she gains anything by pretending to date someone. I can’t even get my girlfriend to make me a fuckin sandwich, much less put on a tight leather dress and pretend to fawn all over me.

(hq jump here. 18 more here. image source = getty)