Audrina Patridges mom isnt that great

By brendon April 05, 2011 @ 3:34 PM


These bikini pictures of Audrina Patridge came out on Friday, then over the weekend people started to figure out Audrinas mom was in some of the pictures too, and now the internet is going all apeshit with dumb MILF and incest jokes.

And yes, her mom looks good in the headline picture. They’re practically twins. Oh wait never mind. You always need more than one picture. If the first picture always told the truth I wouldn’t have flirted with so many fat girls on myspace. Or men.

(image source = bauer griffin and splash news online)

Angelina Jolie is in Libya

By brendon April 05, 2011 @ 2:39 PM


I quickly wanna preface this with what Jennifer Aniston said when explaining why she spent her 41st birthday at a palatial resort in Mexico.

“(A friend) said to me, ’You come to Mexico all the time and Mexico is really hurting right now because of the swine flu and the drug trafficking and all of this sort of stuff.”
“It sort of made sense to sort of say ‘Hey, let’s help out Mexico’”

Okay now this, today, from Us

Angelina Jolie traveled to the Tunisian-Libyan border, where she spoke with refugees who had recently fled the fighting in Libya.
The purpose of Jolie’s visit to the embattled region: to highlight the need for greater international support for those affected by the crisis in Libya.
The Jolie-Pitt Foundation, established by Jolie and longtime love Brad Pitt in 2006, covered the costs for a flight of 177 people to return to their countries of origin– and purchased an ambulance to help support Tunisian efforts on the border to assist the injured arriving from Libya.

Some people still hate Angelina because she “stole” Pitt from Aniston, and never consider that maybe Aniston is just an annoying cunt and he left her for someone who is better in every way. In Anistons defense, her name is so synonymous with the word “bomb” maybe she’d like to go help in the Middle East but they won’t let her on a plane.

(image source = getty)

Ashley Judd was raped and abused as a child

By brendon April 05, 2011 @ 1:23 PM


Ashley Judd has written a biography that goes on sale today called “All That Is Bitter & Sweet”, and in it she talks about her surprisingly neglectful, abusive, and drug filled childhood. Radar says…

“My mother, while she was transforming herself into the Naomi Judd, created an origin myth for the Judds that did not match my reality.”
When she was 4, her parent’s marriage dissolved and Naomi had a new man move in with them who Ashley describes as an “abusive full-blown heroin addict with a criminal record” … “there was always marijuana inside the house” and her dad “was prone to taking hallucinogenics with friends on Saturday nights.”

She also claims she was once propositioned by an older man who made out with her. Yeah Ashley, we get it, you were very pretty. You didn’t have to write a book to brag about it.

“An old man everyone knew beckoned me into a dark, empty corner of the business and offered me a quarter for the pinball machine at the pizza place if I’d sit on his lap,” Ashley said.
“He opened his arms, I climbed up, and I was shocked when he suddenly cinched his arms around me, squeezing me and smothering my mouth with his, jabbing his tongue deep into my mouth.”

Wait, is that what she’s calling rape? Because everyone is saying she was raped and I don’t really think that’s rape. It is sexual assault however, and any guy who grabs and gropes a girl should be turned in. Unless I’m the one who did it, in which case lighten up baby.

Kirstie Alley broke her partner on Dancing with the Stars

By brendon April 05, 2011 @ 11:21 AM

Maksim Chmerkovskiy had to know he was playing with dynamite when he took Kirstie Alley as a partner on Dancing With The Stars, and last night his hubris finally cost him (clip above, full video here).

Us magazine says

No pain, no gain for Maksim Chmerkovskiy.
The Dancing with the Stars pro suffered a mysterious injury on Monday’s performance show — and nearly dropped parter Kirstie Alley when his thigh gave out.

Mysterious? He’s from earth and he tried to support 600 pounds of sloshing gummi bears on his thigh. I have a theory as to what caused his injury! You wanna hear it? I’m gettin all House and really thinkin outside the box on this one!

Although Chmerkovskiy, 31, was all smiles on camera, the dancer appeared to be in considerable pain during commercial breaks — grimacing and apologizing profusely to Alley, 60.

“Sorry for not being Wolverine with rods of unbreakable metal for bones.”

“No big deal,” Chmerkovskiy said in a chat after the show. “I’ll be fine… It’ll take a stretcher to get me out of here!”

I think that was his polite way of asking for a stretcher and ambulance before chips of his pulverized bone get lodged in his heart.

Read more >

Kathy Griffin is in a bikini (I apologize)

By brendon April 04, 2011 @ 5:44 PM

Kathy Griffin

Kathy Griffin, who is 50, was in a bikini in Palm Beach earlier today, and it was every bit as unpleasant as you might imagine. She’s so pale and pink and wrinkled the first 30 minutes of her foreplay must just be some unfortunate bastard between her legs making puzzled sounds as he flips through a book and tries to figure out what parts are vagina.

(image source = inf daily)

Jeremy Renner is our new Jason Bourne

By brendon April 04, 2011 @ 1:41 PM


Two years ago most people had no idea who Jeremy Renner was. Two Academy Award nominations later and he’s starring alongside Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol (then is expected to take over the franchise and star in MI:5), in The Avengers as Hawkeye (which could get it’s own spinoff movie), and now the always great Latino Review says he is the choice to take over for Matt Damon in the new Jason Bourne movies that are not actually Jason Bourne movies.

…the offer to topline “The Bourne Legacy” is about go out to Jeremy Renner.
The new movie will simply take the title from author Robert Ludlum’s book, but will not use the story. Gilroy has also made it very clear that the new film is not a reboot or a recast or a prequel, and that no one’s replacing Matt Damon. There will be a whole new hero, a whole new chapter and that this film is a stand-alone project.

It’s interesting that Renner is getting all these leads in action movies considering the rumors about him being gay. A former acting coach of his said it never used to be a secret, and taking his mom as his date to the Academy Awards (two years in a row) hasn’t helped.

He’s a great actor so no one should give a shit but Hollywood doesn’t exactly have the greatest history here. Normally the only fight you’d see in a movie with a gay actor would be at a shoe sale with him snapping his fingers in a circle and then closing his eyes and scratching.

Brooklyn Decker won the Country Music Awards

By brendon April 04, 2011 @ 12:47 PM

academy of country awards 12 040411

She looks way better when she wears a bikini or something see through so we can see her tits, but Brooklyn Decker still looked tremendous at last nights Academy of Country Music Awards in Vegas.

“This is dumb, why was she there, what does Brooklyn Decker have to do with country music,” asked one guy who was missing the point.

(image source = getty and wenn)

Snooki was genuinely amazing at Wrestlemania 27

By brendon April 04, 2011 @ 11:41 AM

Snooki is roughly the size and shape (and color) of a basketball, so she should be good at rolling, but I was still genuinely shocked last night when she launched into a cartwheel-body splash onto Michelle McCool, getting the pin for her team to win their six way, inter-gender grudge match at Wrestlemania XXVII. Never in a million years would I have guessed she was athletic enough to pull that off. I couldn’t be any more amazed unless she proved she could read.