Ashton Kutcher has some timely new relationship advice

By brendon November 18, 2011 @ 4:35 PM


If you think that being in the middle of a cheating scandal would stop Ashton Kutcher from sounding like a pretentious jackass while he pontificates on the secrets to a good relationship, please allow me to introduce you to Ashton Kutcher. He has new interviews in the December editions of ‘Mens Health‘ and ‘Womens Health’, where he revealed his key to a happy marriage.

“I think it’s all about working on the relationship and making it better when it’s good. Don’t wait for a problem to work on things. The goal is not to get into a relationship; the goal is to be in a relationship.”

“At least that’s what it says here on my list of pandering things to say to a magazine for women to make me seem romantic and sensitive.”

When asked what compliment he’d most like to receive from a woman, Kutcher said:
“I would just like a woman someday, somewhere, at some point in my life to say to me, ‘You’re a great listener’ Haven’t heard it yet, and that’s a superior compliment to get from a woman. But I’m going to work on it.”

“As your wife I really hate it when you go out and bang random whores. Ashton are you listening to me?”

And what might be the most revealing comment of all, Kutcher remarked, “I could never be with a woman who felt like she needs to change me.”

“Well I could be, as long as she minds her own business.”

(image source of ashton yesterday outside his enormous two-story trailer on the set of ‘two and a half men’ = inf)

screw you Michael Bay

By brendon November 18, 2011 @ 1:29 PM


I had a ten minute conversation with Michael Bay one time when I was bartending in Santa Monica, and he was nothing but nice even though he was Michael Bay and I was just some smart ass bartender, but Lauren Stoner, who is rumored to be his girlfriend, was on Miami beach yesterday and her ass is fantastic so fuck him. I’m all for people banging girls with hot asses, but only when I’m the one doing it.

(image source = bauer griffin)

Robert Wagner killed Natalie Wood or something

By brendon November 18, 2011 @ 1:24 PM

Natalie Wood was one of the biggest stars in Hollywood when she drowned in 1981 during an overnight trip on a yacht with Christopher Walken and her husband Robert Wagner. Her death was ruled an accident but now the case has been reopened as a possible homicide.

In part this is due to a book written by Marti Rulli and Dennis Davern, who was the captain of that yacht and who eventually told ‘the Today show’ this morning that Wagner was responsible for Woods’ death. And by “eventually” I mean that David Gregory had to drag every word out of this idiot as if the Today show kidnapped him.

Here are the cliff notes on Woods death, and how what Davern says now conflicts with what he said then, and this shit took me forever so please refresh the page again and again and read it several times:

Read more >

EA Sports gives solid advice

By brendon November 18, 2011 @ 12:53 PM


If you play Penn State vs Ohio State on ‘NCAA 12’, the headline for the preview says, “Hide the Children”. If you don’t and Penn State wins, you unlock an achievement that lets you make love to a little boy in the shower. I really feel like this game should have been rated M.

Anne Hathaway occupied Wall Street

By brendon November 18, 2011 @ 11:19 AM


A girl with the twitter name Elana_Brooklyn posted this picture of Anne Hathaway at yesterdays Occupy Wall Street rally holding a sign that said, “Blackboards Not Bullets”. Because apparently Anne thinks those are the two choices, and that Wall Street is in charge of that.

Alex Rodriguez really has a type, part 2

By brendon November 18, 2011 @ 10:49 AM


Alex Rodriguez had a little get together at his mansion in Miami yesterday, and, no doubt by sheer coincidence, everygirlthere looked like a gladiator. Just like every other girl he’s ever hung out with. Oh but he’s not gay. He just likes shopping and waxing and having sex with people who have big muscles. And one time he asked the Yankees team doctor if a guy can get pregnant if a girl fucks him with a strap-on. “Because I can not afford to get pregnant right now,” he added.

(image source = splash, who say these were taken yesterday, even though the worlds series is on the tv behind rodriguez)

what the hell

By brendon November 18, 2011 @ 9:57 AM


A new book called ‘Stuck Up!’ contains hundreds of x-rays showing weird things people have gotten stuck up their ass, including a Buzz Lightyear, an iPhone, a Barbie, a cassette type, reading glasses, baby shoes and extension chords. And that’s just the Richard Gere chapter.

(image source = pacific coast)

Ashton and Demi announced their divorce

By brendon November 17, 2011 @ 6:22 PM


After months of speculation that their marriage was in trouble, Ashton Kuthcer and Demi Moore are getting a divorce. Ashton, since he’s an idiot, naturally went right to twitter, while Demi (who will need a new twitter account now) released this statement…

“It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that I have decided to end my six-year marriage to Ashton. As a woman, a mother and a wife there are certain values and vows that I hold sacred, and it is in this spirit that I have chosen to move forward with my life.”
“This is a trying time for me and my family, and so I would ask for the same compassion and privacy that you would give to anyone going through a similar situation.”

So that “vows that I hold sacred” part very definitely makes it sound like this was about Ashton banging all those whores. Generally speaking, wives hate that. As a marriage fan, Demi found that in poor taste.