what in the hell

By brendon December 01, 2010 @ 12:51 PM

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Jason Trawick has been a well known talent agent for a long time because of high profile clients like Britney Spears, whom he also started dating two years ago, and he’s generally given a degree of credit for her comeback because he’s been seen as a steadying influence on her once chaotic life.

But today Star magazine goes on sale with a cover story claiming Trawick is secretly some violent lunatic who gave Britney a few Irish kisses (black eyes), according to that guy she married for 55 hours in 2004.

Britney’s former husband Jason Alexander tells Star that the pop princess confided to him that Trawick beat her — on multiple occasions.
“Britney is in an abusive relationship. She told me her life had turned into a nightmare.”
She recently confided that Trawick “hit her so hard it gave her a black eye.”
Alexander says he’s telling this story because he’s “really concerned” for Britney who he feels is “telling me these secrets as a way of getting out of this.”

Um, get out of what? Having a boyfriend? Believe me when I tell you, girls can get out of having a boyfriend. Women are black hearted monsters, they don’t care. It’s like they’re god damned aliens who gain some sort of power from our tears.

INCONCLUSIVE UPDATERadar has audio of “Britney” telling Jason that Trawick hits her, and as shocking as that is, just imagine if the girl sounded anything like Britney. Then it would be amazing!

Henifaa Yopez is a pervert who flashes her kitty in public

By brendon December 01, 2010 @ 11:53 AM

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Jennifer Lopez was married to a waiter named Ojai Noa from 1997-1998, but he’s still not out of her life because, since at least 2006, he’s been trying to release a book and video about her, one that would seemingly violate a confidentially agreement he signed in 2002.

The reason he keeps trying to release these things is because the video shows Lopez flashing her vagina in public, and he’s under the impression that’s something people want to see (EDITORS NOTE: it’s not. I mean, I would watch it but I’m a fuckin weirdo so my endorsement certainly isn’t gonna help his case any). Radar says…

Jennifer Lopez is caught on hours of new video “exposing her genital area in public” and displaying other “deviant behavior”, according to documents just filed in the singer’s high-stakes legal fight to keep the tapes secret.

Noa’s attorney described what’s on the tapes…

“JLo is riding a scooter in public in Cuba, while talking to the camera and numerous by-standers, with her privates in as plain view as Paris Hilton, Brittany Spears and Lindsay Lohan have in the past.”
“This is among other nudity on her part in the now 21 hours of home movies, that we have so far recovered.”

In hindsight, the 1997 Jennifer Lopez was kind of hot wasn’t she? That’s when she was just a dancer, and dancers are perverts so maybe this video would be good. If it were shot now it would be horrifying. We both know she’s too arrogant to shave down there, so it would be a middle aged Puerto Rican woman after having twins. It would look like a black sheepdog panting in the summer.

Gisele Bundchen is not shy

By brendon November 30, 2010 @ 6:44 PM

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Gisele Bundchen is on St. Barts today shooting for Victorias Secret, and at one point, for some reason, she climbed into a van and took her clothes off. It was like an A list, extra fancy version of a BangBus porn.

(source = fame images)

Kim Kardashian was teased because of her boobs

By brendon November 30, 2010 @ 4:13 PM

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The assumption is that people who are uncommonly attractive and sexy have it easier in life, and of course that assumption is correct. It’s wonderful. They don’t even make me pay taxes. But Kim Kardashian says it wasn’t always so easy on her, and she used to actually hate that her boobs were so big (like in the picture, full size here, when she was, ahem… 14). She tells Popeater

Kourtney used to torture me and think I was odd because I had big boobs. I was 11 when I got my period and I started developing. I would sit in the bathtub, take a washcloth, put it under really hot water and put it against my boobs and pray to God, please don’t make my boobs grow any bigger. And Kourtney would be like, “Your boobs are so big and ugly!” She was so mean and then I would have to wear a bra and she would say, “Who wears a bra? That’s so disgusting.” It was so embarrassing.

Kim Kardashian tells the least relatable stories in the world. That story was supposed to be sad, but it was about a sexy young girl, alone in her bath, naked and writhing around in the steamy water, exploring her body and getting to know the pleasures of life. It’s hard to feel sympathy for someone when I’m jacking off.

Matt Lauer wants to know if the size of the package is important

By brendon November 30, 2010 @ 2:23 PM







Matt Lauer may be a respected journalist and well liked host of the Today Show, but he’s a guy first, so this morning when he was talking to an attractive lady about grocery shopping, and he asked, “So the size of the package is very important?”, and then she adamantly agrees that yes, the size of the package IS important, VERY important, he started to giggle.

Because it’s funny. Hehehe. “Package”.

And it didn’t help when she started talking about boxes. She might as well have licked her lips and asked if he thought his big package would fit inside a tight box. That chick is a real slut. Jeez lady, keep your pants on.

Madonna looks “puffy and bloated”

By brendon November 30, 2010 @ 1:34 PM

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Madonna was in Mexico City yesterday for the opening of a Hard Candy gym, and though she usually looks ripped to hell, this time the Sun says she looked “puffy and bloated”.

Mostly they’re referring to her face, and they’re right. She’s got those little beady eyes, and her face is all fat and pale and round. I think she might be related to Mr. Pringle. And then there’s the way her gooey legs ooze out over the sides of those boots meant for a 19-year-old, and the elaborate system of straps under her clothes pulled so tight they’re turning her fingers purple.

Oohh man, I’m at a Starbucks right now, I never should have opened these. I hope I don’t get a hard on!

(source = splash news online)

Elle Macpherson is a good mom

By brendon November 30, 2010 @ 12:51 PM

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Elle Macpherson is one of like 20 women on earth who could look this hot while dropping her kids off at school in the snow. There’s no real proof that angels exist but this is pretty close. You just have to believe. Just like there’s no proof that dinosaurs exist, or eskimos, and yet we believe in them.

Johnny Depp is still charming

By brendon November 30, 2010 @ 11:04 AM

Angelina Jolie, Johnny Depp

A common problem for sex symbols like me and Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie and me is that the tabloids will claim you’re stickin it to every girl you even have lunch with. And while that’s true in my case, Johnny Depp tells Vanity Fair that he was careful to not spark any rumors about him and Angelina Jolie while they filmed the Tourist.

Depp (talks) about the difficulties that arose while filming together—having to be discreet to avoid unwarranted speculation—which included “having to hide, sometimes not even being able to talk to each other in public because someone will take a photograph and it will be misconstrued and turned into some other shit.”

And since he’s now filming a fourth Pirates of the Caribbean, that comes up too, specifically how much Disney originally hated the way he was playing Captain Jack Sparrow.

“They couldn’t stand him. They just couldn’t stand him. I think it was Michael Eisner, the head of Disney at the time, who was quoted as saying, ‘He’s ruining the movie.’”
“Upper-echelon Disney-ites (were saying), What’s wrong with him? Is he, you know, like some kind of weird simpleton? Is he drunk? By the way, is he gay?… And so I actually told this woman who was the Disney-ite… ‘But didn’t you know that all my characters are gay?’ Which really made her nervous.”

Ok Johnny Depp, we get it. You’re charming and handsome and considerate and all that, to a degree that it’s almost as if you’re just trying to make guys like me look bad. But guess what? I did some digging, and it turns out Johnny Depp has a cousin… WHO IS ADOPTED!!!! That’s right! Makes you wonder what other secrets this sicko is hiding.