Thursday headlines, with Poppy Montgomerys ass

By brendon May 19, 2011 @ 6:46 PM

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MEL GIBSON – was boo’d by crowds at Cannes today, and here it is on video. He’s really gotten his comeuppance now. I bet he’s simply devastated. (huff post)

LARS VON TRIER – won the top prize at Cannes in 2000 and was the runner-up twice, but he’s now banned after jokingly referring to himself as a Nazi in a press conference yesterday. At least they better hope he was joking, or else he’ll come back and burn that place to the ground. In Paris, a vichy panel of festival judges has already formed and sent word that they’ll work with him. (hollywood reporter)

SHAUNA SAND – was arrested for domestic violence last night after a fight with her husband. He told her he wanted a divorce, and she sprayed him in the eyes with mace. I wonder if that helped. (tmz)

POPPY MONTGOMERY – showed off her hot ass last night at the CBS upfronts in New York to promote ‘the Rememberer’. And yes, it really is called ‘the Rememberer’. Because the best way to build buzz for a TV show is to have an unpronounceable, gibberish title. (getty and splash news)

‘Terminator 5′ just got cancelled

By brendon May 19, 2011 @ 5:04 PM

Just a few weeks ago, the biggest story about Arnold Schwarzenegger was that he was set to return to acting, most notably, reprising the role that made him a star. Which I assumed meant as Hercules, making me look like quite the fool. But now, with fathers day just a month away and multiple parties to plan for, the AP says he’s not reprising that or anything else.

A statement from Schwarzenegger’s office Thursday says former “Terminator” star has asked Creative Artists Agency to put all of his motion picture projects currently under way or being negotiated on hold until further notice.
“Governor Schwarzenegger is focusing on personal matters and is not willing to commit to any production schedules or timelines. This includes Cry Macho, The Terminator franchise and other projects under consideration. We will resume discussions when Governor Schwarzenegger decides.” the statement says.

This is all PR bullshit by the way because his wife found out about his affair and the kid and moved out in January, but ‘Terminator 5′ was announced 3 weeks ago. So he was already dealing with all that, just not publicly. So by “personal matters” he means, “I got caught fucking a fatty and people are making fun of me.”

South Park made fun of Schwarzenegger

By brendon May 19, 2011 @ 4:15 PM







Hopefully Maria Shriver didn’t sit down last night to relax and watch some TV, assuming that, as long as she avoided the news, she wouldn’t have to hear anymore about her husband and his serial killer-like penis. Because Matt and Trey will sometimes turn in episodes of ‘South Park’ just hours before they air, and watching Butters mistake her for Skeletor is probably not gonna help her bruised ego any.

Bar Refali is trying to make DiCaprio jealous

By brendon May 19, 2011 @ 3:29 PM

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One reason I rarely date international supermodels anymore is because they can’t handle getting dumped. They’re used to everyone fawning all over them, so when I tell ‘em to hit the bricks they get all clingy.

The same thing might be happening to Leonardo DiCaprio, who is in Cannes this week, and was photographed on a yacht hugging Blake Lively. This is just one week after it was announced that he and Bar Refaeli had broken up.

So, guess who arrived in Cannes yesterday.

Bar has been making a concerted effort to make DiCaprio jealous this week at the Cannes Film Festival.
Wednesday evening, (she) hammed it up for the cameras, partying with George Clooney’s Italian girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis.
The ladies sipped champagne and got down on the dance floor with a gaggle of Refaeli’s model girlfriends.
One model pal tells Fox411 that Refaeli kept an eye for Leo all night and made sure she was photographed having a good time in the hopes of making her ex beau jealous.
“It is a little desperate,” she told us.

If the dress she wore to the premiere of ‘the Beaver’, which did the impossible and made her ass look even better than her amazing tits, didn’t make him jealous, and the gold mini dress she wore last night didn’t work, earlier today she went on her twitter and posted that bikini pic in the headline (full size here). If none of that made him jealous, maybe letting me fuck her in the ass might help in some way. We’ve got to try something, Bar!

Arnold Schwarzenegger had two sons born the same week

By brendon May 19, 2011 @ 1:46 PM

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As you may have noticed, something would have to have acid for blood in order for Arnold Schwarzenegger to not fuck it, and now the whores are coming out of the woodwork with the revelation that he had a child with his maid 13 years ago. One has even hired the worlds most punchable lawyer, with more perhaps on the way.

Fox news says…

The incident returned to the public’s attention numerous allegations made over the years that Schwarzenegger was a notorious womanizer.
It also threatened to bring forth more women with allegations against Schwarzenegger.
On Wednesday, Los Angeles attorney Gloria Allred confirmed she is representing Gigi Goyette, a former child actress who has said she had annual trysts with Schwarzenegger at a bodybuilding competition he sponsored in Ohio.

Fox also says Arnold was pretty busy during the last week of September in 1997, because not only did his wife Maria Shriver give birth to their youngest son Christopher, but his maid gave birth to their nameless bastard. Jesus, even Lil’ Wayne spaces it out more than that. Remember on ‘Threes Company’ when Jack would have two dates with two different women at the same restaurant, and he’d have to run from table to table? I like to think this was like that. “Yaa, goood, dats a good baby, I must go now!” And then Arnold would run to the next room where the other one is still in labor. “Yaa, puush, you are doing good! I go now!”

Elisabetta Canalis needs to think this through

By brendon May 19, 2011 @ 11:33 AM

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George Clooneys girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis (who still looks a little trannyish sometimes) spent another day lounging around on a yacht in a tiny bikini in Cannes yesterday, then did some modeling. Also on a yacht. But those pictures weren’t as good so they’re behind the bikini ones. Someone should maybe tell her that it might not be the best idea in the world to have her picture taken while laying on her back practically naked with her legs open for free, and then charge for pictures in a dress, considering that having her picture taken is her only marketable skill.

(note: fat bitch)

(image source = inf and bauer griffin and wenn and splash)

January Jones had an affair and got pregnant

By brendon May 18, 2011 @ 6:02 PM

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It’s been almost a month since January Jones announced that she was pregnant, but she still won’t say who the father is, and according to the Daily, that’s because he’s married and they had an affair while filming ‘X-Men: First Class’. Which seems like a pretty good reason.

So of the big names on ‘X-Men’ who are married, there’s director Matthew Vaughn, who is married to Claudia Schiffer, Kevin Bacon, who is married to Kyra Sedgwick, and James McAvoy, who is married and has a son. There’s also Jason Flemyng, who isn’t as famous but you would know him if you saw him, and Oliver Platt, who is fat so it’s not him.

Hopefully it’s one of the other ones though. For now I guess we just have to wait for January to talk. That’s why I’m gonna go ask her about this, ask her who the father is, then slip her a $20 bill and say, “maybe this will jog your memory.”

Kanye West is not dating Kate Upton

By brendon May 18, 2011 @ 2:27 PM

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Over the weekend, Kanye West was spotted on his hotel balcony in Cannes kissing an unknown blond girl (pics here and here). I mean, I’m sure he knows who she was, but no one else did.

So yesterday, the Sun decided to say the girl was 18-year-old Sports Illustrated model Kate Upton (seen here in Beach Bunny’s 2011 bridal bikini collection. Because bridal bikinis are apparently a thing that exists now). Luckily, Kate went on her twitter not once but twice to clear things up.

“Hey I said I wasnt in Cannes come on that girl doesn’t even look like me… I’m not with kanye.”

I just realized I wrote “luckily” before explaining that Kate wasn’t kissing a black guy. But don’t worry, I only phrased it that way because I’m astoundingly racist.

(image source = beach bunny swimwear and bauer griffin)