jennifa yopez is disgusting

By brendon November 10, 2009 @ 3:53 PM

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The home movie of Jennifer Lopez made in 1997, legally held up for now but still being shopped around be her first husband Ojani Noa, at first sounded pretty boring. Now it sounds pretty boring and then interrupted by a scene so awful just the description of it makes my dick shrivel.  People says…

The video, called How I Married Jennifer Lopez: The J.Lo and Ojani Noa Story, reputedly includes Lopez, now 40, wearing skimpy clothing and supposedly being spanked by Noa. It reportedly also contains a fight between her and her mother.

Jennifer Lopez is an A-cup with an ass so big she has to buy her pants at the circus, so just the thought of her acting sexy and getting spanked is disgusting. All girls should be exactly like UK model Vikki Blows. Short and skinny with big tits (nsfw pic here. and here. and here and here). If you don’t look like her, then you need to go away and not come back until you do. And just so any recent high school graduates know, that last line is also on the application filled out by any girls who want to work at Tyler.

(vikki blows has maybe never taken a picture with her shirt on, thankfully, and i cant even look at jlo right now, so instead here are old pictures of ‘g.i. joe’ star rachel nichols in a bikini)

lindsay was dating heath ledger when he died

By brendon November 10, 2009 @ 2:15 PM

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Heath Ledger has been dead for almost two years now (1.22.08) and until today no one had any idea that he was dating Lindsay Lohan when he died. Probably not even him, because the latest audio tape from Michael Lohan is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Radar says…

Dina Lohan drops the bombshell that her daughter Lindsay was secretly dating Heath Ledger when he died and his death devastated her.
“She was dating Heath when he died,” Dina reveals to Michael. “I don’t know if you know that, but I know cause I would drop her off and they were friends very, very close, ok?”
Dina told Michael about the relationship because she was afraid for Lindsay’s life too: “Because when she’s drunk or takes an Adderall with it she will do something like Heath Ledger did in a second without thinking.”
She said that the actor’s death was a terrible shock to Lindsay. “That f****d her up,” Dina says.

This story does make a lot of sense, especially if you know anything about Lindsay Lohan. She has a quiet dignity about her.  Secrets and discretion are her specialty. It must run in the family. Notice how casually Dina talks about Lindsay – who had been 21 for just a few months – being drunk all the time and taking pills she almost certainly didn’t have a prescription for. Dina is too regal to judge others. No, if Lindsay wants something like that, she should find some type of guardian or protector, a “parent” type if you will.

britney is still a kick ass mom

By brendon November 10, 2009 @ 1:22 PM

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Britney Spears has been criticized in the past for her parenting skills, and as you can tell by these pictures of her in Australia today, seen in her room on the way to the pool with her kids and boyfriend Jason Trawick, those criticisms are 100 percent justified.

JASON: “Brit honey, wheres Jayden?”
BRITNEY: “Oh I lef’em over by that open window. He was dancin’ and jumpin’ aroun’ an havin fun. Is’he still there?  What?  Wadya say?  Baby you gonna half’a talk louder, there’s this siren outside ana buncha screamin.”

(source = splash news online)

monday afternoon headlines

By brendon November 09, 2009 @ 6:32 PM

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AVATAR – will have cost around $500 million when it hits screens next month, so it’s already breaking records as the most expensive movie ever made, and the one people most regret investing in. WTF is this nonsense? (la times)

RIHANNA
– is a little tattle-tale, according to Chris Brown, who thinks she should have kept her mouth shut after he punched her in the face a few dozen times. Instead she went and narked.  That’s fucked up. He trusted her, and she betrayed that. What a bitch. (the sun)

BRITNEY SLAMMED DOWN UNDER – is without question the laziest suggestive headline ever written. (the sun)

LINDSAY LOHAN – was seen outside Crow in West Hollywood crying as she left Friday night. Probably because they ran out of cocaine. (star)

RAMPAGE JACKSON – was on set to film for ‘The A-Team’ in Vancouver today. Here the stuntman for Jacksons character ‘BA Baracus’ is going down the side of a building for some reason. Maybe ‘cause he didn’t have no time fo’ no jibba-jabba. (inf)

damn. speaking of ‘twilight’

By brendon November 09, 2009 @ 5:41 PM

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I don’t know much about Christian Serratos, but she’s in the ‘Twilight’ movies, she’s 19, she’s hot, and now she’s naked as the latest celebrity in the PETA “I’d rather go naked…” campaign (temporary full size copy here).

This tie-in makes a lot of sense if you think about it. PETA fights for animals, and in the first two minutes of ‘Twilight’, Robert Pattinson kills a deer to drink it’s blood. The message is: don’t kill animals, unless you plan to eat them alive. They deserve to die in miserable agony and unbridled terror. Wait. Okay I might not know what the message is to this.  Let me come back to this one.

ashley greene on maxim

By brendon November 09, 2009 @ 4:43 PM

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Maxim is boring as hell of course (*), and you could find better writing with funnier jokes on the label for a bottle of vitamins, but they still somehow trick hot girls into posing for their unreadable magazine every month. In this case ‘Twilight’ star Ashley Greene. They also have an interview with her, but you shouldn’t read it.  It’s bad to know too much about a girl who is a total stranger.  Because then if we start dating, and much to her amazement we have all the same favorite food and books and movies, eventually she’ll realize we’re not soul mates, but that I’ve been stalking her for several months.

(image source = pacific coast)

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jessica simpson is about to snap. or something.

By brendon November 09, 2009 @ 2:22 PM

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The Enquirer says today that friends and family of Jessica Simpson are worried she may be headed for a mental breakdown. They say Jess suffered a “frightening collapse recently”. To illustrate all this, they use a picture of her from August 6th. This one, specifically. These mental breakdowns can take a while to kick in sometimes.

“Jessica is in the grips of a life crisis right now,” divulged a family friend.  “…in private she is an emotional mess.”
The past year has brought one heartbreak after another. Last winter the singer was mercilessly ridiculed for an expanding waistline and fashion missteps. In July, Tony Romo dumped her on the eve of her 29th birthday – and in September, Jessica’s beloved dog Daisy was snatched by a coyote.
“Jess had hoped she would have a husband, baby and flourishing acting career by the time she turned 30,” said the friend.
“Instead, she feels like her best days are behind her.”

I don’t like the sound of that last part, especially combined with the looks of her Halloween costume. She’s gonna get one of those stupid short haircuts I just know it. God that’s gonna suck. With short hair, she’s gonna look just like a friend of mine. His name is Tom. He’s a mechanic.

(image source = inf daily)

Australia hates Britney. Not because of that shirt though.

By brendon November 09, 2009 @ 12:52 PM

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Australia must be a utopia because the government has nothing to do but yell at Britney Spears for lip synching during her tour down there this week. On top of that, critics have called her show “boring and stiff”, and there are reports of fans walking out as early as the third song.

As you might imagine, this is doing anything but helping Brits already shaky confidence. Popeater says…

“Britney is aware of all this and she’s extremely upset by it,” Paul Dainty, Spears’ tour promoter, told ‘The Australian’ on Monday. “She’s a human being. I’m embarrassed, with such a big international entourage here with Britney, to be part of the Australian media when I see that kind of totally inaccurate reporting.”
In their reporting, Perth Now claimed “hundreds of fans stormed out” of the Friday concert. One fan, 22-year-old Amanda Hawlet put it bluntly: “I want my money back or I want her to sing properly. The ticket cost me $200 and she lip-synced the whole thing.”

They seem to under the very very false assumption that Britney is denying them something by not singing live. She can’t sing in a recording studio, she sure as hell can’t sing on stage while also trying to shuffle back and forth and then resting her hands on her hips and trying to catch her breath from all that shuffling. Everyone likes you Australia, we wouldn’t fuck with you.  As God as my witness this way is best for everyone.

(image source = inf daily)