annalynne mccord is fun

By brendon February 24, 2009 @ 9:48 AM

Celebuzz says that AnnaLynne McCord was thrilled when she got a free vibrator over the weekend at the We-Vibe Style Lounge.  "I wish we had it on video so you could have seen them jumping up and down…and exclaiming 'I want one!'” said the owner.  And why not.  It’s free. In a store, a vibrator can cost hundreds of dollars.  It’s why I got my girlfriends at a garage sale.  That whole industry is a sham though.  I’ve been with dozens of girls, and it turns out women don’t even have orgasms.  These products do nothing but sell false hope. 

(image source = mavrix online)

lindsay got naked again

By brendon February 24, 2009 @ 7:34 AM

Almost exactly one year ago, Lindsay Lohan posed topless for a photo shoot that ended up in New York magazine (here).  Then some stuff happened, blah blah blah, and now here we are today, and she’s posed topless again, this time for Hedi Slimane, whoever that is.  In keeping with the classy theme of this artistic black and white photoshoot, I put on a monocle and extended my pinky while masturbating.

britney still calls sam and adnan

By brendon February 24, 2009 @ 6:34 AM

At a hearing yesterday in Los Angeles, Jamie Spears (Britney’s dad) testified that Britney has been using a secret pre-paid cell phone to speak to Sam Lutfi and Adnan Ghalib.  Lufti and Ghalib of course are the two men who spent the most time with Britney when her life was in ruins and they both look like what al qaeda people look like when they’re trying to make you think they're not al qaeda.  These phone calls would violate the restraining order issued against Luft and Ghalib.  TMZ says…

Jamie Spears is on the stand right now, explaining that Britney somehow got her hands on a pre-paid cell phone, which caused him fits because they have been strictly monitoring the phones she's able to use.  The nanny heard Britney talking to Sam and Adnan on the pre-paid phone in the wee hours of the morning one day. It appears Jamie believes Sam and Adnan got her the phone in an attempt to poison her against Jamie and to torpedo the conservatorship. 



Jamie might be overreacting here.  Maybe Sam and Abdul aren’t so bad.  One way to find out would be to load them into a rocket and shoot them into the sun.  It’s basically just killing them but it sounds kind of sciencey.  If Britney keeps doing as well as she has been, you know those dudes were to blame.  And if she has a relapse anyway, hey, no harm done.  We still have all that new data about the sun.

madonna was wearing millions

By brendon February 23, 2009 @ 1:37 PM

OK! magazine says that Madonna wore millions of dollars worth of jewelery last night to parties around LA after the Academy Awards, all part of her 20 year campaign to annoy every single person on earth.  To the Vanity Fair party she wore:

- A black and white diamond chain with 500 carats of the shiny stones
 (here)
- A diamond bangle with 25 carats of diamonds and platinum
 (here)
- An onyx and diamond bracelet with 50 carats of diamonds  
(here)
- A pair of diamond pear shape earrings of 20 carats each
 (here and here)
- A square diamond and onyx ring

 (here)

Then for her own private party, she put on even more diamonds, including…

a cross and chain with 100 carats of diamonds, bracelets with 50 carats of diamonds, long diamond earrings worth 1 million dollars and a huge diamond and platinum ring.

I don't have any pictures of that, but I think you get the idea.  In a related story, my bed is stuffed with hay.  Yaay!

beyonce had a little slip

By brendon February 23, 2009 @ 12:27 PM

Beyonce apparently slipped out of the top of her dress last night during the Academy Awards big musical dance number (close up here), but I didn’t notice at first because who cares.  It's just Beyonce.  It seems she could have worn pasties or tape or something, so maybe this "accident" was no accident.  I think the same way when I go out.  I use my sexuality as a weapon.  Mainly after seeing that number last night I was left with the impression that Zac Efron is growing up right before our eyes.  My, he’s practically a lady.  Where does the time go?

the first song from tinted windows

By brendon February 23, 2009 @ 12:24 PM

Rolling Stone has the first single from "Tinted Windows", a band made up of James Iha from "Smashing Pumpkins", Adam Schlesinger from "Fountains of Wayne", Bun E. Carlos from "Cheap Trick" and Taylor Hanson from "MmmBop" and "MmmBop" remixes.  The band was formed when someone at a record label chose random names out of a hat. 

The song is called "Kind of a Girl" (you can hear it here).   It's pretty dark stuff.  The first two lines are, "she’s the kind of girl you can't get enough of, she's the kind of a girl need to feel the touch of".  Later we find out she's the kind of girl you can never let go.  It's like the entire thing was written with nothing but Hallmark refrigerator poetry.

lindsay lohan is doing great

By brendon February 23, 2009 @ 11:01 AM

Lindsay Lohan walked the red carpet at the Mercedes Benz Oscar party in Beverly Hills last night, and it’s easy to see why her weight loss has been the topic of so much conversation lately.  It’s also to see why I chose the "resting-my-chin-on-my-knuckles" pose for my senior pictures.  So sexy.  She should get someone to photoshop it inside a rook with a soft filter around her like Olin Mills did for me.  All of my grandmothers agreed, I looked soo handsome.  

(image source = pacific coast)

natalie portman at the academy awards

By brendon February 23, 2009 @ 3:07 AM

Natalie Portman looked hot of course in her purple dress at the Academy Awards last night, but she would have looked better topless in tight leather pants with her hands cupped over her breasts.  Did she even look at the sketches I sent over?  Jesus, why do I even bother!

(picture source = getty images)