Say goodbye to this

By brendon August 13, 2009 @ 1:50 PM

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The good news is that if Kourtney Kardashian will let the dork in these pictures get her pregnant (which she has), she probably would let me punch that kitty too. The bad news is that, as previously stated, she’s pregnant now and that hot ass body is almost certainly gone for good. This post was a real mixed blessing.

(hq jump here. source = splash)

Its a show about models

By brendon August 13, 2009 @ 12:14 PM

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Ashton Kutchers magic touch seems to have struck gold once again. He’s a producer on “the Beautiful Life”, a new show that ignored all logic and cast Mischa Barton as a model. Will anyone watch a show like this? Sometimes critics try to save shows they love with a big “Best Shows You’re Not Watching” article. Although now I’m getting off topic, because that’s not relevant to this show, which won’t be any good and no one will try to save.

(hq jump here. source = splash)

Posh may be permanent

By brendon August 12, 2009 @ 6:49 PM

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Victoria Beckham of course filled in for Paual Abdul when auditions began last week in Denver for season 9 of “American Idol”, but according to producers it was to be a one time thing. And yet now E! is reporting that Victoria is on her way to Boston for the second round of judging as well. Could this mean she’s already been named as the full time fourth judge? What about Katy Perry and Jessica Simpson, who were also considered? Will they be on the show at all now? How the hell would I know. Leave me alone!

Posh Spice just joined staffers from the hit Fox reality competition aboard an American Airlines flight bound for Boston, site of this week’s round of American Idol auditions.
Natalie Eshaya, a producer for Idol host Ryan Seacrest’s syndicated KIIS-FM radio show, offered a play-by-play via Twitter.
“Hmmm victoria beckham on our flight to boston….hmmm!” Eshaya tweeted. “We are going for idol….she must be too! Interesting!!”
Last week show producers said they wanted to stick to the four-judge format, with guest judges like Beckham and Katy Perry serving as one-time-only fill-ins.

I love Victoria so this would be fine with me. I love her hot little outfits, her uppity little façade, and the fact that beneath that she seems genuinely nice and self-effacing. More to the point it would mean Paula would be officially gone, and all these rumors of her returning for the finals would go away. I’d rather see ten-story meat eating dinosaurs come back before Paula Abdul.

Screw you France

By brendon August 12, 2009 @ 4:55 PM

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Carla Bruni, the French first lady, showed off her hot ex-model body while on a vacation in the south of France, and let’s all hold hands and pray our first lady doesn’t take this as some sort of challenge. If the lumpy mess we have walked out of the ocean like this, it wouldn’t be clear if she was trying to be sexy or explain some point about Darwin.

(hq jump here)

Elle Macpherson is the winner

By brendon August 12, 2009 @ 3:19 PM

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Elle Macpherson arrived on set today for “the Beautiful Life”, a new prime time show about models for the CW. Macpherson plays the owner of a modeling agency, and Mischa Barton stars as a superstar model. You read that right by the way. Mischa Barton is on a show about models starring real actual models and she’s supposed to be the hot one. Seems cruel. I’m sure there are situations where Mischa would be considered pretty, but standing next to Elle Macpherson isn’t one of them. It would be like trying to make Aquaman intimidating. Don’t stand him next to Superman, unless the person you’re trying to scare is the manager of a Red Lobster.

(hq jump here. source = splash)

What the hell is that

By brendon August 12, 2009 @ 2:33 PM

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Kim Zolciak from ‘The Real Housewives of Atlanta’ is at the Atlantis resort in Paradise Island, Bahamas this week, and something something something, what is with that God damn wig (full size pic here). It looks like the hair you see on Lego characters. Just a hard shell that’s been snapped into her head. How bad could it be under there where this is an improvement? It’s like Darth Vader entered a bikini contest.

(source = wenn)

Is Britney engaged or what?

By brendon August 12, 2009 @ 1:45 PM

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Britney Spears rarely wears much jewelry and almost never wears the same stuff consistently, so many are wondering why she’s been flashing a big diamond on her left ring finger for about a month now. She even kept it on during her recent bikini photoshoot, leaving many to wonder if she’s now engaged to her boyfriend/agent Jason Trawick. Another theroy is that she’s just doing this to mess with the media.

Yet another theroy is that she was in better shape a month ago and now she’s too fat to get the ring off. They should attach all the kitchen cabinet doors to bowflex resistance rods and raise all the food so it’s like 8 feet high. That way the only time Britney can eat is when she’s in good enough shape to get to the food. Or you can have different food at different heights.  Fruits and vegetables will be 6 feet high.  Pie will be at 9.  If she’s too fat to jump to the pie, she’ll just have to starve and try again when she’s lighter.

(hq jump here.  source = fame)

Angelina is frisky

By brendon August 12, 2009 @ 11:08 AM

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While walking the red carpet Monday night for the Hollywood premier of “Inglorious Basterds”, Angelina Jolie talked a little about how much she loves gettin it on, and how she and Brad Pitt seek out new and different places to stick it to her. The Sun UK says…

ANGELINA JOLIE and BRAD PITT have opened up about their sex life again – saying they get intimate in LOTS of different places.
Last week Brad revealed that a secret grotto behind the waterfall in their pool was “a great place for sex”.
But Angie revealed that it was just one of many.
“We’ve got a few special places, you know? You keep it going.”
Brad laughingly added: “”There is an old Hollywood property just a few minutes away. It has a grotto there. The rumour is Jimi Hendrix spent some time there.”

I have no idea what the hell they’re talking about, but whatever. Whenever and wherever she wants to have sex would be fine with me. A waterfall, a grotto or a cage filled with lions – the answer is “yes”.  Crime scene?  Hospital?  Morgue?  Yes.  Yes.  Yes.  She could just gesture to a graveyard as we drove by and I would dig up the recently dead and use them to prop up her ass if that’s what she wanted. Who cares, just as long as I get to hump her.