its Katie Holmes in a, um, bikini?

By brendon May 16, 2011 @ 7:33 PM

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Katie Holmes was in Miami today, teaching her daughter Suri how to swim at their hotels pool, and then, right in front of everyone, she paraded around like some tarted up whore. You could see her back and ankles and everything. Where are my stones!

(image source = splash news and fame)

headlines, with a “belligerently drunk” Lindsay Lohan

By brendon May 16, 2011 @ 6:25 PM

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LINDSAY LOHAN – was in a bar, “belligerently drunk” and “falling all over the place” after doing shots “all night” Saturday, then around 2am she grabbed the wrist of a girl trying to take her picture while a friend took the girls camera and dunked it in an ice bucket. Why would she do this just 3 days after getting yet another “last chance” from a judge? Because Lindsay is an asshole, that’s why. (radar)

M BONE – of Cali Swag District (the group behind the dougie dance) was shot and killed during a drive-by outside a liquor store last night, perhaps by a guy he got into a fight with on twitter over a girl. If you have any information, contact the police on Black Stereotype Island. (tmz)

DONALD TRUMP – will not run for President, just like lots of other completely unqualified people with no chance of winning. (us)

GRETCHEN ROSSI – wore a bikini this weekend. “Who is Gretchen Rossi”, you may ask? Well that’s that’s a good question. I like your inquisitive nature. Let me know what you turn up. (bauer griffin)

Brad Pitt looks like this now

By brendon May 16, 2011 @ 4:49 PM

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Brad Pitt (seen here showing us what a Jeff Bridges ‘Miami Vice’ movie could have looked like) is in Cannes today for the premiere of ‘the Tree Of Life’, which is getting mixed reviews. Unlike his hair and beard, which will be universally mocked. I never thought I’d see this day but it’s almost to the point where I can say I’m better looking than Brad Pitt without someone saying, “oh yeah, you sure are”, and then applauding slowly and sarcastically.

(image source = getty and inf)

at least JWoww is kind of hot

By brendon May 16, 2011 @ 3:32 PM

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‘Jersey Shore’ has only been in Florence for a few days, but JWoww didn’t waste any time in going to the gym and showing off her tits and abs. After that she went tanning. Laundry was no doubt next. Unfortunately Snooki was there too and ruined any chance America had of making a good impression. If I were Italy and some country sent that over and it was in spandex shorts and then started sweating, I’d consider it an act of war. “Why you senda this rat-lady in’a to’a my country,” I’d say after putting down my dainty expresso cup.

(image source = inf and bauer griffin)

Mariah Carey is still under investigation by child welfare

By brendon May 16, 2011 @ 2:41 PM

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Last Thursday, Nick Canon told Piers Morgan that he and Mariah Carey were visited by child protective services because someone told them that Mariah was drinking while breast feeding their new twins.

The truth is she wasn’t, Mariah did nothing wrong, and this simple formality would have been quickly resolved except that Nick Cannon is an asshole. He told Morgan…

“It all started when a nurse suggested to my wife that if you drink Guinness, the dark beer, the yeast improves breastfeeding … I don’t know if someone heard that, but then they were saying my wife was drinking beer. People will do anything to try to conjure up a story.
“Then when I spoke to the person from Child Protection Services, [they said], ‘This is ridiculous, we’re going to make sure this isn’t the case.’ To even have to deal with that, my wife in the state that she’s in, we’re in the hospital, to even have to think about someone possibly wanting to investigate your children … it’s sad at the end of the day.”

Nick Cannon is the one telling this story so he left out something else that’s sad, and that is when entitled assholes like Nick Cannon yell at people for no reason.

“The case will probably remain open for the next week, out abundance of caution,” a source tells Radar.
“There has been absolutely no findings that either Mariah or Nick were doing anything illegal, or that could place the twins in danger.
“Unfortunately Nick was extremely angry when DCFS officials attempted to interview Mariah, which just escalated the situation. His anger didn’t help the situation.
“Under California law, anytime there is any allegation made involving the welfare and safety of a child, DCFS is required to investigate. Mariah was extremely cooperative with DCFS and answered all the questions.”

But Nick wasn’t gonna let them off the hook simply because everyone was in agreement that Mariah did nothing wrong. No sir. He lost his shit because those people should have known better than to answer their phone and hear that complaint. The next time the phone rings, just ignore it, it’s probably more bullshit.

Michelle Rodriguez might need a tighter bikini

By brendon May 16, 2011 @ 12:32 PM

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Michelle Rodriguez and some of her special ladyfriends went swimming off the cliffs near the Eden Roc Hotel in Cannes, and Michelle might want to get a tighter swimsuit because the one she has kept sliding down and now we can all see her ass. Still, these pictures are surprisingly dull considering they started out with an attractive, flexible, upside down lesbian.

(image source = inf and bauer griffin)

Gwen Stefani was in a bikini

By brendon May 16, 2011 @ 11:14 AM

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Gwen Stefani spent the weekend with her family on a yacht outside Cannes, France, and as you can see, at one point she paced back and forth on the phone in half a bikini. As you can also see, she might as well have just zipped a sleeping bag up to her neck it was so damn dull.

(image source = splash news and inf and bauer griffin)

Charlie Sheen is “destroyed” to lose Two And A Half Men

By brendon May 16, 2011 @ 1:25 AM

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It should probably go without saying that if you go on TV with two prostitutes and explain in great detail about how much you love drugs and call your boss a “pussy punk” and “piece of shit” among other things, and cost your employer $250 million, that might burn a few bridges at work.

But apparently it’s news to Charlie Sheen, because he’s been waiting all this time for CBS to invite him back to ‘Two And A Half Men’, and he’s genuinely shocked now that he’s been replaced by Ashton Kutcher. Popeater says…

“He really thought that he would be invited back,” a friend of Charlie’s tells me. “After years of suffering no consequences for his behavior, why would he think anything else? Finally it has sunk in that he doesn’t live by different rules to everyone else. Actions do have a consequences.”
My source reveals that the casting has hit him hard and that the lack of other offers has weighed heavily on him.
“He is destroyed that Ashton is replacing him. Destroyed,” the friend says. “We are all worried that he hasn’t hit bottom yet and that this could make him spiral out of control again. Especially after all the other productions that he assumed would happen have fell apart.”
Shortly after Charlie was fired he hinted that he was in talks with FOX and HDNet and that he expected to get paid $1 million for a Vanity Fair interview. None of which has yet to be confirmed.

It truly is beyond belief if Sheen thought he would get invited back by Warner Brothers. It would be like Mohamed Atta applying for a job at American.