those are nice shorts

By brendon April 22, 2009 @ 1:57 PM

Vanessa Hudgens wore a baggy mans shirt and seemingly nothing else at a nursery (plants not kids) in LA yesterday, and it’s probably safe to say that if photographs had closed-captioning, like from a narrator or something, it would just be 2 minutes of grunting sounds and the occasional, “yeah, yeah you're a naughty girl, aren't you?”

(image source = pacific coast)

afternoon headlines

By brendon April 22, 2009 @ 1:27 PM

RUBINA ALI – police in India have found no evidence that her father tried to sell the “Slumdog Millionaire” actress for $400,000.  Wait I thought it was 300,000?  See, this is why you always bring the coupon when buying Indian kids.   (source = the AP)

BRITNEY SPEARS – Ryan Seacrest says a “reliable source” tells him that Britney Spears is pregnant again.  But her kids seem okay so whateverl.  It’s the Paris Hilton rumors that worry me.  Obviously it’s not cool to wish a miscarriage on anyone, because wishing isn’t gonna accomplish anything.  The way to do it is to punch her in the stomach as hard as you can. (source = kiss fm

PETRA NEMCOVA – I’ve always thought this chick was sorta ugly, so taking all of her clothes off for the Italian magazine "D" was a cunning move to gain my favor.  My response must be measured with the greatest of care.  She and I are like two masters, discovering our opponents weakness in a well played game of chess.

wow beyonce really sucks

By brendon April 22, 2009 @ 9:37 AM

I have no idea what “board feed” is, but Howard Stern somehow got the raw board feed of Beyonce live on the Today show, performing that song she stole from that hot blond chick (this one), and it’s hard to even imagine anyone has ever been worse at anything than Beyonce is at singing.  Which is amazing because imaging things is very easy. Like, imagine you were a knight with a sword fighting a dragon on the moon. It might not be much but there’s at least a picture in your mind, right?  Now imagine anyone worse than Beyonce. Nothin, right?

lindsay is doing great

By brendon April 22, 2009 @ 8:21 AM

Lindsay went shopping yesterday with her sister Ali (is she still trying to be famous? I feel bad for her.  Wait, no, I meant to say, “I feel mad at her.”  Go away rat-face), and the Daily Mail thinks you shouldn't be able to see her rib cage like this.

Her cream halter-neck sundress hung off her rail-thin frame with the cut-away back revealing her protruding ribcage and sinewy arms.
The 22-year-old looked on edge during the outing, clutching a can of Coca-Cola and biting her finger nails as she stopped to try on reading glasses at an optometrist.

Why is it necessarily bad that you can see her ribs?  Maybe she just has big ribs, and would appreciate people not pointing it out like this.  Jeez Daily Mail, why not just go up to a short guy and say, “Hey what’s with the height?”  Look at Jesus.  You could see his ribs, and everyone thought he was terrific.

(image source = splash.  Speaking of, I really hope this guy is with Lindsay in some way, because otherwise he just followed them out of the mall to their car.  Which is how like 70 percent of all rape stories begin.  The other 30 start with, “Andy Richter may seem nice on TV…”)

oh how subtle

By brendon April 22, 2009 @ 6:21 AM

Yeah, she’s drowning in semen.  You're saying she's a whore.  We get it.  “Just Got Laid” hair in the picture and “drowning in semen”.   Relax.  Seriously, “drowning in a sea of men”?  Who says that?  What, is Robert Frost over there now?  Why not just go all the way?  Add some quotes like, “You should cum, swallowing hors d'oeuvres will make you feel better.”

(source = page six)

would you?

By brendon April 22, 2009 @ 6:21 AM

Would you rather fuck Helen Mirren or Kirsten Dunst?  I can’t even begin to guess under what circumstances it might happen, but I really hope Helen Mirren (seen here at yesterdays London premier of “Dumbly Named Movie”) never hits on me, because I think I would fuck her.  I don’t really want to but her tits are just awesome.  There’s no question I would hit that before Dunst.  Of course I would hump a roaring camp fire before I did that baby-toothed cadaver, so this might not be the greatest comparison in the world.

(image source = splash and wenn)

“For the record, I am a size 2″

By brendon April 21, 2009 @ 12:52 PM

Let’s just put our cards on the table, shall we: Kim Kardashian is not a size 2.  As was plainly obvious yesterday when she wore spandex to a nail salon in Beverly Hills.    You could take all the material from a size 2 pair of jeans, double it, double that and then add a poncho and you might – might – be able to fit it around that ass.

lindsay might dance topless for money

By brendon April 21, 2009 @ 12:16 PM

I know people thought I was screwing around on April 1 when I said Lindsay was getting serious offers to film and sell a sex tape.  She was, and she still is, and she’s still saying no and yet the parties involved still think she’ll do it, sooner than later, with the right guarantees.  In the meantime, you can maybe go to Vegas if you’re in such a hurry to see her tits.

Lohan flew from Los Angeles to Las Vegas on Saturday on the private plane of the producer of Mel B. and Kelly Monaco's "Peepshow" to attend the grand opening of the sexy striptease production, but made the trip more importantly because she had a meeting scheduled with (the) director.
"Peepshow" is designed to have rotating leads and according to very close inside sources, Lohan is in official negotiations to take over from Monaco.
"If they make me an offer and the money's right, I'll do it."

Lohan has denied this on E!, but says a guest appearance, "would be fun."  And as if falling from A-List movie star to negotiating for a topless Vegas show in three years isn’t bad enough, “apparently it’s a toss between Lohan, Holly Madison and Brooke Burke”.  Holy Christ, how embarrassing.  That’s like Michael Jordan showing up to play some half-court pick-up and when they choose teams he’s left standing there between a kid with a prosthetic arm and a girl.