katy and russell are engaged

By brendon January 06, 2010 @ 11:15 AM

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Katy Perry and Russell Brand are both annoying idiots, so now that they’ve found each other they might as well get married. It’s not like anyone else would be lining up to. Us magazine says…

The wacky pair — who’ve been dating since September 2009 — became betrothed five days ago while on holiday in Jaipur, India.
The exotic trip, “was his Christmas gift.  She told him how much she loved Indian culture while they were eating curry in England, so he surprised her.”
On New Year’s Day, she shared another tourist photo: her hand being painted with a traditional Henna tattoo. (“Isn’t it lovely?” she wrote.) The day before, she perhaps hinted at spontaneous decisions to come later that week: “In India, the motto…you gotta go with the flow…”

I fucking HATE that she wrote, “In India, the motto, you gotta go with the flow”, and I’m not even positive why. Drinking chai tea instead of Starbucks and going to the Taj Mahal isn’t, “going with the flow”. You’re just on vacation you dumb bitch. She’s so annoying and full of herself, it almost makes me think she’s kidding.

go kill yourself

By brendon January 05, 2010 @ 6:36 PM

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Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz pulled off one of the greatest practical jokes of all time today in NYC, when they ditched the paparazzi by going into a store that sells masks. A few minutes later an old gypsy and a scary monkey in a hat came out, but there was no sign of Ashlee and Pete. “Where did they go”, the paparazzi presumably asked one another as the hours slowly passed.

Well guess what? Let’s just say that monkey was probably wearing a hat to hold in all of his secrets.

(source = inf daily)

ashley greene had a sexy new years eve

By brendon January 05, 2010 @ 5:54 PM

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It’s traditional to kiss your date as the clock strikes midnight on New Years Eve, so these pictures prove beyond a doubt that ‘Twilight’ star Ashley Greene was at this party with that hot brunette and later they went home and took all their clothes off and had hot girl-on-girl sex.

This doesn’t mean Ashley is gay, just that most girls her age are bi, and if a girl say’s she isn’t it just means she doesn’t have any hot friends. Otherwise she’d at least be curious. When I travel to high schools across the country for my motivational lecture series with todays young people, that’s the main point I try to get across. Be true to yourself, follow your heart, and if you’re a sexy girl with a hot friend, you two should make out.

gwen stefani on st. barths, part 2

By brendon January 05, 2010 @ 5:08 PM

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Gwen Stefani is an important role model because she has a good body for a mom, but an even better role model would be a girl with a good body who doesn’t have any stupid kids. I don’t know if there’s been some kind of misunderstanding but the world has plenty of god damn kids. Enough already.

To make matters worse that dumb ass kid was in half of these pictures and was threatening to drag down my sexxxy website, so in the ones where I couldn’t crop him out I covered him with pictures of girls kissing. I think a reader sent this one in (hint hint).

It went pretty well, but by the end I got way more interested in girls kissing than Gwen Stefani and her flat chest, and to be honest I think it shows.

(source = fame pictures)

charlie, you scamp!

By brendon January 05, 2010 @ 3:18 PM

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I’m sure you remember that Charlie Sheen spent Christmas in jail because his wife said he held a knife to her throat and threatened to kill her, but do you remember back when Kobe Bryant was accused of anally raping a 19-year-old girl? Well Charlie Sheen sure does, with hilarious results!

Charie’s return to work was greeted with tension that quickly dissolved into laughter.
At a table reading for Charlie’s hit show Two And A Half Men, one of the producers asked Jon Cryer what he did during the holidays. Everyone started to laugh because they could tell where this was going (wwtdd editors note – to FunnyTown, that’s where!)
…the producer moved on and said, “Charlie, what did YOU do for the holidays?”
As everyone laughed, Charlie answered, “Well, I met Kobe Bryant’s bail bondsman!”

Stories like this are why everyone holds Hollywood in such high esteem. He was at work and he made a joke about raping teenagers in the ass and chopping his wife’s head off and it got a big laugh. You can bet he won’t ever make this kind of mistake again. It makes me wish I could date Charlie Sheen.

this is so hot

By brendon January 05, 2010 @ 1:25 PM

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Today is a second Christmas for leering perverts fancy gentleman like myself because for some reason high school pictures of Jessica Biel are online. From 1999, when she was 17. The very same year she posed topless in Gear magazine. So, this and this, same girl. Same girl.

What we’ve learned here today is that the fresh-faced innocent honor student transforms into a sexy slut behind closed doors, just like barely legal schoolgirl porn has been trying to tell us for so many years. I just hope there’s a way to take advantage of this, unlike when I was actually 17, and spent Friday nights tipping my couch onto it’s back and pretending to be an astronaut.

tuesday morning headlines

By brendon January 05, 2010 @ 11:54 AM

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CASEY JOHNSON - The great-granddaughter of the founder of Johnson & Johnson, daughter of the owner of the New York Jets and Tila Tequillas fiance, was found dead last night in her LA home. It’s suspected she overdosed. Can you die of embarrassment or is that just an expression? Because this chick was a complete fuckup. (new york post)

WARREN BEATTY - slept with 12,775 women over 35 years, averaging a new girl every day from when he lost his virginity at age 20 to when he married Annette Benning in 1992 at age 55. This is all according to a new book called, “Numbers I Made Up: Everyone Look At Me”. (sydney morning herald)

VINCE VAUGHN - got married outside Chicago to Kyla Weber, 31, a Canadian real estate agent, in a small ceremony with only close friends and family. According to my awesome level of jingoism, you can identify Webers side of the family in the pictures because they’re the mounties in full uniform and fishing guides in waders holding up a trout in a net. (people)

MADDOX, ZAHARA AND SHILOH JOLIE - were left 100 grand each when Angelinas mom died in 2007, but they can’t touch it until they’re 25. Can they scape by until then? Let’s keep them in our prayers. (us magazine)

is everything okay, sienna?

By brendon January 04, 2010 @ 4:54 PM

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Sienna Miller was still in Barbados this weekend, and if 2010 marks the end of “flipping off the paparazzi” and the beginning of “goatse the paparazzi”, this year is gonna have a lot of peaks and valleys.

(source = splash news online)