MITCH WINEHOUSE IS AN IDIOT

By brendon June 23, 2008 @ 11:21 AM

The Daily Mail refers to Amy Winehouse’s father Mitch as "devoted" today, and I assume they’re being sarcastic because after that they print a thousand words, confirming Amy has emphysema and is on the verge of death from drug abuse and neglect.  

Winehouse, who has contracted emphysema, was rushed to hospital last week.
"She's covered in nicotine patches," Mitch told Radio 5 Live today.
"The only thing that can go into her lungs are fresh air. She faces a stark choice – either she sticks to it or she won't sing again."
Yesterday Mitch told of how his world-famous daughter could be forced to wear a permanent oxygen mask to survive if she doesn't follow medical advice.
"To think this could be my beautiful 24-year-old daughter's life is preposterous. But if drugs mean more to her than breathing properly, then so be it."
Mitch has urged her drug dealers and addict friends such as rocker Pete Doherty – who has been spending time with the 24-year-old since his release from prison last month – to stay away from her.
"I'm saying to those drug dealers, and they know who they are, if they are supplying crack to Amy, then they've got to take responsibility.”

Well that should take care of that.  If there’s anything crack dealers fear, it’s a stern lecture about responsibility.  Fuck the police or violent reprisals, Mitch’s shame-based approach to the drug war should bring the underworld to it's knees.  Once word of this gets out, drugs in London should be a thing of the past by Friday at the very latest.

MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY IS IN A GANG

By brendon June 23, 2008 @ 9:36 AM

TMZ has some shocking video today of a fight between the paparazzi and a group of surfers that hang out on the break frequented by Matthew McConaughey.  And I say "shocking" because that makes it sound interesting.  The truth is it’s surprising dull for a video that starts out with someone throwing beer bottles.  At first it's exciting, but then it's over and there’s some minor crying and bleeding and you realize it was disappointing.  Just like that teen prostitute I ordered.  TMZ says…

Private security was hired to patrol the beach where Matthew McConaughey surfs — but that didn't stop another brutal beach beatdown from taking place yesterday between a band of violent locals and the paparazzi.
After a beachgoer chucked a beer bottle at one of the paps on the shore, an all-out brawl took place by the water — ending with some badly busted-up faces and a lot of ruined camera equipment.

Surfers are weird because they’re stoned yet also violent.  You don’t see many people get stoned and then run around fighting.  Most stoners you could poke with a stick for 20 minutes and at best you’d get a "… (long pause) … aww c'mon man…"

(picture source = inf daily)



THIS IS HOW HE ROLLS

By brendon June 23, 2008 @ 9:15 AM

Pacific Cast News has some pictures of Anthony Kiedis driving some sort of electric car thingy around LA yesterday with his son Everly strapped to his chest.  And this is why electric cars aren’t gonna take off any time soon.  It looks cool when Anthony Kiedis drives it, but if any of my friends from high school saw me driving this they would call me fag for 20 minutes and then beat my ass.  It looks like one of those plastic Playschool cars you see at daycares.

WHAT IN THE HELL

By brendon June 23, 2008 @ 5:52 AM

Hayden Panetiere’s buff ass boyfriend showed off his killer ink while they were on the set of "Heroes" yesterday in LA.  He of course is one of the stars of the show, a character whose secret power is mumbling incoherently out of the side of his mouth.  Their relationship was kept quiet for a long time because she is 18 and he is 31, and it was a Hollywood scandal because it marked the first time that an older actor had ever tried to get some hot teen pussy.   I’m not clear what the hell they’re doing here, but Hayden is wearing tiny shorts, so there you go.  One thing that is clear though is that whoever does the hair and makeup on this show is some kind of sorcerer.  There’s seemingly no limit to the number of hairstyles they can do.  Oh, wait, yes there is.  It turns out the answer is "One".

1937 – 2008

By brendon June 23, 2008 @ 4:38 AM

Geoge Carlin, who had a history of heart trouble, went into St. John's Health Center in Santa Monica on Sunday afternoon complaining of chest pain.  A few hours later he was dead at the age of 71.  His last concert was this past weekend, at the Orleans casino in Las Vegas.  It would be hard to understate how much George Carlin meant to stand up comedy.  He, Lenny Bruce and Richard Pryor pretty much defined what it could be.  When they started, comedy basically consisted of one person bonking the other one with something, then fiddling with their bowtie.  Carlin helped change all that.  The AP says…

Acerbic standup comedian and satirist George Carlin, whose staunch defense of free speech in his most famous routine "Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television" led to a key Supreme Court ruling on obscenity, has died.
He produced 23 comedy albums, 14 HBO specials, three books, a couple of TV shows and appeared in several movies, from his own comedy specials to "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" in 1989 — a testament to his range from cerebral satire and cultural commentary to downright silliness (and sometimes hitting all points in one stroke).
"Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?" he once mused. "Are they afraid someone will clean them?"

I don’t know what my deal is lately, but 71 seems young to die.   Although I guess it makes sense in this case because Carlin famously and unapologetically did tons of drugs and abused his body.  71 in Carlin years would be like 198 in normal years, so when you put it in context he had a pretty good run.  The lesson here?  Everyone should do tons of drugs.  I’m gonna go get some right now!

THIS IS FOR THE BEST

By brendon June 20, 2008 @ 1:13 PM

In response to Hulk Hogan repeatedly saying that Johan Grazionas current condition is all part of gods plan to make him a better person, the Grazianao family has released a video tape of John in his hospital bed.  It's hard to tell if John has learned the true magic of life, love, and friendship as Hulk suggested, but after this he blamed some kids for having downs syndrome and then called paraplegics "lazy".  He’s the philosopher king!

(WARNING – the tape after the jump is graphic and not for the faint of heart)



KEITH OLBERMANN IS NOBLE, HANDSOME

By brendon June 20, 2008 @ 8:53 AM

Tim Russert was widely admired in the world of journalism, and so when he died suddenly last Friday, his colleagues were understandably shocked and broken hearted.  Except for MSNBC anchors Chris Matthews and Keith Olbermann.   For their reaction, replace that part about “shocked and broken hearted” with “squealing with delight”. Page Six says…

Matthews was heard loudly discussing what seemed to be his strategy for landing Russert's "Meet the Press" show at Wednesday's memorial reception for the NBC Washington bureau chief at the Kennedy Center in DC. After Brian Williams, Carl Bernstein, David Gergen, Barbara Walters and NBC brass eulogized their friend, Matthews huddled with an unidentified "agent type" and seemed to be plotting.
According to our spy, "Chris, with his loud voice, was going over a pitch for Tim's job. He was saying, 'You know, Tim's thing was this, and my thing is that.' It was unbelievably tacky."
Meanwhile, Matthews' MSNBC cable cohort Olbermann, who was also at the memorial, is "threatening to quit if he isn't installed as Russert's replacement," another insider said. "I know, it sounds ludicrous, but, then, Keith Olbermann is ludicrous."

Olbermann is a fuckin creep.  I never missed a show when he and Dan Patrick did Sportscenter, but today he’s an insufferable jackass.  And he looks like a pervert.  Mark my words, one day you’ll wake up and there will be sketches of him on flyers and you’ll see the FBI confiscating his home computers.

COUGHING UP BLOOD

By brendon June 20, 2008 @ 6:25 AM

The Sun UK says today that the shocking and prolonged weight loss of Amy Winehouse, coupled with the fact that she has recently begun to cough up blood, may be signs that she has tuberculosis.

The 24-year-old Back to Black star has an irregular heartbeat and has been on a drip while medics try to wean her off hard drugs.
Last night a close pal told The Sun:"Amy is in a bad way. Doctors are still struggling to control her heartbeat but the chest condition has been really worrying them.
"She’d been been suffering horrible coughing fits and hurling up blood for a while but refused to be examined. Doctors now believe it is tuberculosis and are doing more tests to be certain."

It sounds like it's too early to jump to any conclusions.  There’s really nothing in her history to suggest she hasn’t been taking care of herself.  It’s like with tivo.  Just because I taped a few transsexual bondage videos doesn’t mean I want you to tape them all.  How dare you try to label me.