Jenny McCarthy says she’s horny, wants a sex tape

By brendon September 30, 2010 @ 4:08 PM

midsummer nights dream 160810

Jenny McCarthy did an interview with Billy Bush from Access Hollywood to promote her new book about sex, and her answers revealed quite a lot. But mostly that she’s still annoying as hell.

“Dispel a myth for men: Do women lust as much as men lust?” Billy asked
“I’ve noticed, now being 37, I’m much more horny than I was in my 20s,” she said.
“How horny are you – scale of 1-10?” Billy asked.
“I’m about a 9.8,” Jenny laughed, uproariously.

Oh Jenny you’re too much!!!

“Does size matter?” he probed.
“Size definitely helps, but the thing is, you don’t need big,” she said. “Average is awesome. Standard issue is awesome!”
“Do you have a sex tape?” Billy asked.
“Oh, I love that question. No I don’t have a sex tape and I’m kind of upset that I don’t. You know why? ‘Cause I’m really good,” she laughed.

1. Girls who brag about how good they are in bed never are.
2. If I was Jenny McCarthys kid, she would think I had autism too. “He’s so distant now, he doesn’t talk and acts like he can’t hear me.” Just keep her in the office for a few more hours doctor. Keep her talking. You’ll figure it out.

Paris Hiltons boyfriend ran over a paparazzi

By brendon September 30, 2010 @ 2:18 PM







Let’s just go through TMZs bullshit summary point by point…

It all went down as paparazzi swarmed the car as Paris and Cy Waits left Boa in West Hollywood.  The posse of paparazzi was all over the car, when suddenly Cy accelerated, knocking a photog down.

Tragedy strikes without prejudice. One minute you could be standing in the street in front of a moving car at night flashing bright lights into the drivers eyes, and the next you’re in the hospital. It’s all random, you have to make the most of every day. Promise me, after you’re done here, that you’ll go home to your loved ones, and hold ‘em tight.

The couple took off and the photog called the cops.

“This car just came out of nowhere!”

Paramedics were also called and took the female photog to a local hospital.

“We have a fattie with a boo-boo, I need double-bacon brownies and a fried chicken STAT!”

We’re told at some point later, Cy came back, sans Paris, and spoke with police. Law enforcement sources tell us Cy was cited for hit-and-run, then allowed to leave.

“Just so you know Mr. Waits, we’re gonna let them blast air horns and shoot flares at you from now on, too.”

And get this … sources say Paris is saying, “The pap is making up injuries.”

As if she isn’t gonna be rich enough once her pictures of Paris Hilton sitting in a car on a Wednesday night hit the open market.

Law enforcement sources also tell us they’re looking into all of the photogs, because flashing the lights could have blinded the driver … which may constitute interfering with the operation of a motor vehicle — which is also a crime.

“We hid some snakes in his car too, but that’s no reason for him to drive around at 5 miles per hour like some kind of maniac.”

(video source = pacific coast news)

Kate Gosselin needs a mirror, the internet

By brendon September 30, 2010 @ 11:26 AM

Kate Gosselin

Kate Gosselin went jogging, or “yogging”, it might be a soft “j”, yesterday near her house in Pennsylvania or wherever the hell it is she lives, and it was a good reminder that we all need to know our limits in life. For example, when I was a kid I dreamed of being a dancer I mean, uh, um, football. Thrower. The main guy. Like Clayton Manning. Bottom line, I wasn’t good enough.

Kate Gosselin needs to look herself in the mirror, figuratively and literally. I of course chose the worst picture for the headline because I’m mean spirited and childish, but if she wore a normal shirt and got bigger implants, you might be tricked into thinking she had a good body (granted, “get bigger tits” is my answer to everything). Or better yet, don’t run outside. If you don’t want people making fun of you, stop begging us to.

(image source = inf daily)

Greg Giraldo has died

By brendon September 29, 2010 @ 6:59 PM

Greg Giraldo was such an uncommonly smart and funny comic, it was actually sort of depressing, in a “why can’t I do that” sort of way. A graduate of Columbia University and Harvard Law, he was best known for his stand-up, as a judge on ‘Last Comic Standing’, and for the Comedy Central Roasts (and maybe this spoken word song from 2006 that got some decent time on radio). He died today after an overdose of prescription meds at the age of 44. His friend and fellow comic Jim Norton was the first to report the news with an announcement on his twitter.

Though he had a long and well documented history with drugs and alcohol, his death is being considered accidental. And hopefully it will stay that way. Hopefully it won’t be cocaine or something. Because Giraldo was cool, and he had cool stories. If you don’t want people doing coke, you probably shouldn’t make it sound like so much fun.

Read more >

Tom Cruise is a pro

By brendon September 29, 2010 @ 4:46 PM

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Tom Cruise is in Prague today for the first day of filming on ‘Mission Impossible 4’, which is surprising because yesterday he was in Tokyo for the Japanese premiere of ‘Knight and Day’. That flight has to be, like, 200 miles (I’m not good with numbers). Even if they went 70 the whole way it had to take all night.

Tom Cruise has his faults, he’s crazy for example, but at least when you hire that guy you get a professional. A guy who goes to work and doesn’t make excuses. Keep in mind this is an actor we’re talking about, and 95 percent of all actors are fragile sissies. Jim Carey could see a red car or get an ice cream headache and you might as shut down production because you’re not filming shit for 6 months.

BREAKING NEWS: Lindsay would prefer rehab over jail

By brendon September 29, 2010 @ 2:42 PM

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A few weeks ago, Lindsay Lohan had 90 days in rehab standing between her and freedom. “Fuck this,“ she said, and then promptly tricked the doctors into letting her go 68 days early. Then of course she did some more coke, and now rehab might be the only thing keeping her out of jail again.

Hey you’ll never guess who suddenly thinks they should stay in rehab for as long as it takes.

A source (meaning her mom because Lindsay has no friends) tells Radar…

“Lindsay is still being assessed by her treatment team but the team is saying that she should spend at least 45 days getting in-patient treatment. It’s going to take her body at least 30 days to get the substances out of her system.”
“Her body needs to do a lot of healing.”

Just for fun let’s revisit the current issue of Vanity Fair

Lohan adamantly denies rumors of drug abuse.
“If I were the alcoholic everyone says I am, then putting a [SCRAM] bracelet on would have ended me up in detox from all the things that people say I’m taking—so that says something, because I was fine.”

Well no wonder she demanded an apology….

According to Lindsay Lohan’s latest medical report, the actress was not addicted to cocaine.
Now she wants some form of apology or compensation from the courts.
“Lindsay is fuming – she is really upset that the courts put her through all this,” the source (wwtdd editors note: there’s that source again!) said.

Anyway. Let’s not live in the past. All those things happened days or even weeks ago. If she stops doing drugs, why should she go to jail? That’s how the law works right? If you’re not currently engaged in a crime then there’s no problem right?

“Lindsay is required to be at the hearing (on October 22nd for violating her probation). At that point, if Lindsay is making improvements, Lindsay’s team would ask Judge Fox to not put her in jail at all, or defer her sentence until she is finished with her in-patient treatment,” the source added.

In case you missed it: “…ask Judge Fox to not put her in jail at all…

“The fact is jail doesn’t scare Lindsay. Before she did her time earlier this summer, she was petrified. Having spent time behind bars, it doesn’t have that effect on her. Jail isn’t a deterrent for her, period,” the insider said.

For the record, Lindsay should still be in jail for another 15 days to fulfill the 90 day sentence she was given on July 20th. Remember that? Remember when the judge sent her to jail for 90 days and 13 days later the sheriff let her out? Yeeaah. Awesome, right?

But she’s not scared by jail, huh? Well knock me down with a feather, I wonder why not? She must be one tough lady!

Laura Vandervoort is an awesome Supergirl

By brendon September 29, 2010 @ 12:54 PM

SMALLVILLE

According to wikipedia, ‘Smallville’ is still on the air, and in fact began it’s 10th season earlier this week. That seems hard to believe, but either way, the CW sent out some new pictures of Laura Vandervoort looking fantastic as Supergirl. She looks so good I wanna watch the show now. Is there a show?  Is this thing seriously still on the air? What the hell is the CW anyway? She looks like Charlize Theron, is she related to Charlize Theron? Why do dogs have wet noses?  20 dollars!? Do you think that girl over there would go out with me?

So many questions. Life is full of mysteries, my friend. 

Emma Watson is a good classmate

By brendon September 29, 2010 @ 11:44 AM

Emma Watson

Emma Watson is back in Rhode Island to begin her second year at Brown, and though her dykey hair cut is repulsive (it’s Daniel Tosh with tits), I would still have sex with her because she’s Hermione. How can you not bang Hermione? If we were in class together, I’d be all like, “Hey. Hey Hermione. So you like magic wands, huh? You like those? Magic wands? Yeah, well I got a magic wand for you right here baby.” And then I’d point to my crotch just in case she didn’t get it. And then she’d get all turned on and we’d do it.

NOTE: the “magic wand” is my penis

(image source = inf daily)