Kim Kardashian Smothered Music To Death In Its Crib

By Lex July 15, 2015 @ 10:06 AM

Kim-Kardashian-Rolling-Stone-Cover
Sinead O’Connor has declared Kim Kardashian’s tits on the cover of Rolling Stone magazines as an official end to music as we know it. in the very least, O’Connor seems to have missed Rolling Stone covers of the Boston Marathon bomber looking like a sexy James Dean and fake campus rape articles. Though it’s hard to disagree with the general premise that Kim Kardashian on anything but your dick wrapped in three condoms and a polyurethane dental dam is a bad thing. O’Connor ranted on her Facebook page followed only by people who don’t like themselves very much:

What is this cunt doing on the cover of Rolling Stone? Music has officially died. Who knew it would be Rolling Stone that murdered it? Simon Cowell and Louis Walsh can no longer be expected to take all the blame. Bob Dylan must be fucking horrified. #BoycottRollingStone #AGenerationIsBeingGroomedAndSilenced.

Bob Dylan is stoned out of his gourd humping a young model wondering why you brought his name into this. Music is a business. Rolling Stone isn’t doing so well in the business. If your bald ass moved copies like Kim Kardashian, you’d be on the cover. The notion that twenty years ago there was integrity in music when people were still buying your music is convenient revisionist history. You were big when the teen girls loved you. Now they love Miley Cyrus and Kim Kardashian’s well-heeled tits. Boo fucking hoo. Would another Mumford and Sons cover make you shut your yap? Don’t go away angry, just go the fuck away. Now then, Kim, where were we. Yes, the lathering of the iodine on the genitals. My favorite part.

Kendall Jenner Braless Is Kendall Jenner Worthwhile

By Lex July 15, 2015 @ 9:48 AM

Kendall Jenner Cleavy Shopping In Beverly Hills
Kendall Jenner is being lambasted by people who don’t want to be killed in another Jenner car accident for driving her Mercedes with her foot out the window, her hand on her cellphone, and her face screaming into the camera stage right from the road. I don’t remember my driving training super well, but I’m pretty sure some of those were Red Asphalt no-no’s. Kendall Jenner defenders point to her tits almost hanging out in Beverly Hills. Point taken. It’s a close call. I wouldn’t wish this kind of decision on Solomon himself.

Song is Take Ya Tights Off by Problem

A video posted by Kylie Jenner Snapchats (@kylizzlesnapchats) on

Anna Sophia Berglund in A Bikini

By Lex July 15, 2015 @ 8:27 AM

Anna Sophia Berglund Tiny Bikini In Malibu
I’m not sure this chick understands the severity of the drought here in California. Or that consuming bottled water that has been sourced in some guy’s house in Torrance is not a water supply positive. Every time she spits out a tinkle, an almond dies somewhere in the valley. If she’d remove her top, some dude’s dick would grow in its stead. It’s the great circle of life. Let’s get it started. Save the drop!

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Nina Agdal Eats Hash Browns With Feet

By Matt July 15, 2015 @ 8:02 AM

Agdal

Sport Illustrated swimsuit model Nina Agdal posted a video to Instagram attempting to eat hash browns with her toes before spilling them on her face and laughing like a Japanese schoolgirl. While most of us find this worthy of a shrug there’s at least one dude in your office who’s jerking off in the bathroom right now. This was apparently done in honor of National French Fry Day, which is the ad council’s contribution to America’s obesity epidemic. Agdal is quite possibly the hottest SI model, placing her high in the running for hottest chick on earth next to that one server at Chili’s who’s super friendly when you’re drunk. Foot fetishists rejoice, they’re naming a library after you in Tokyo. Now stop this behavior at once. Next thing you’re entering a hot dog eating contest as a goof and you’ve been officially ruined. Everybody has a bad day. Keep it in the bedroom.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Jenny McCarthy Super Interesting

By Matt July 15, 2015 @ 7:07 AM

McCarthy

Jenny McCarthy’s hair has turned pink, presumably as a side effect of a rubella vaccine she received at age seven. McCarthy appeared on The Today Show to talk about her shitty reality show with the less accomplished Wahlberg brother. I heard Mark allows him a free burger a day if he hunts down witnesses of his multiple hate crimes. Cheese is extra. When you don’t have much going for you besides actively working to spread epidemics which were stamped out at the turn of the last century it’s a good idea to change your hair. It’s a distraction and who doesn’t want to look like they’re part of David Bowie’s liner notes. Perhaps you’re confusing autism with people who don’t want to talk to you. I’ll rock back and forth in my chair if you shut the fuck up with your pseudo science spiel you gleaned from reading the back of a bottle of pressed juice. When your hair falls out that’s most likely from the astringent hair dye, not the mercury in your sushi. Stop encouraging this woman. Wasn’t Whoopi available?

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Catcall Video Chick Sues The World

By Matt July 15, 2015 @ 6:36 AM

Roberts

Shoshana Roberts, the chick who proved all men are rapists because she power walked through the ghetto looking like she was about to commit sexual Jihad, is suing the video’s director as well as Hollaback! which is a group dedicated to ending street harassment in New York City. How a law barring strangers from speaking to one another could possibly be applied is beyond comprehension, unless you remember Nazi Germany with a fondness.

Roberts is also suing Google, Youtube, and TGI Friday’s because they made a parody video, which remains legal until the humorless hardline feminist movement is able to legislate daily kale enemas. Roberts apparently did not have a written agreement before shooting the video, which means this case will more than likely be promptly dismissed and she can blame the patriarchal judge for her amateur mistakes. She is apparently an aspiring actress who more than likely has always had a passion for suing production companies for unsafe working conditions. Nobody’s hollering at you now. Take your theater degree and walk the streets of Mecca in your Forever 21 bikini. No catcalls there. Just stones to the head. I know you don’t believe me. Prove me wrong.

Photo Credit: Twitter 

Nicky Hilton Flashes Panties on Her Wedding Day

By Lex July 14, 2015 @ 1:22 PM

Nicky Hilton Panty Peek On Wedding Day
Nicky Hilton flashed her panties on her wedding day because beneath a $100,000 dress at a million dollar wedding still beats the heart of a Hilton. She may be boring and dull and occasionally tested with a glass slide beneath her nostrils for signs of life, but only a Rothschild gets to see the hooch. Consider this one of those stores where they don’t have price tags and if you have to ask, you can’t afford it. Those may just be urban legend. But really, you can’t afford Nicky Hilton. On the other hand, her sister will appear like Beelzebub’s snatch magnet if you’re having an epic night at the Treasure Island pai gow tables. Say Candyman three times into the ashtray of the old Chinese guy next to you. Just make sure everybody understands by candy you mean cocaine.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Lady Gaga Needs To Stop And Shit Around The Web

By Jack July 14, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

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Lady Gaga was out once again wearing something that would be super fucking hot on an attractive woman. I don’t buy muscle shirts meant for guys who can bench 400 or shoes that fit Dwight Howard. Because people would laugh at my failed aspirations. If I had $200 million in the bank, they would laugh less. That might be Lady Gaga’s secret.

Look at her body if you dare. (Egotastic)

Jimmy Fallon almost lost his finger. Then he wouldn’t be so smug all the time. (TMZ)

Here is Aussie hottie Jody Pachniuk buck naked. (Drunken Stepfather)

Check out Zoe Kravitz’s ass. (Hollywood Tuna)

Taylor Swift shows off her Big Bird legs. (Popoholic)

Samantha Hoopes sexily eats a banana. (Busted Coverage)

In celebration of Comic-Con ending, here are some hot nerds. (The Chive)