By Matt July 17, 2014 @ 1:25 PM
Jennifer O’Neill, Lady Gaga’s former assistant, is writing a tell all book about the horrors of holding down a full time job. Gaga, who orders her non-disclosure agreements from the back of The Onion, already had to pay O’Neill a settlement regarding overtime pay. O’Neill claims Gaga made her sleep in the same bed with her to help ward off the feral bats that strafe the singer nightly in her slumber. That does seem like time you should be compensated for. Gaga claims she was a model employer
“I am the queen of the universe, every day… I’m quite wonderful to everybody that works for me.”
I’m going to bet that’s more of a boast than a supportable fact. This does not excuse O’Neill from writing a nasty book because your boss called you out that one time when you brought people back from the club and told them you owned the house. I predict the book will bomb horribly. The people who do care about Lady Gaga prefer her trumped up stage image and could care less about what she’s like with the curtains pulled back. And for those of us non-fans, just the mention of Lady Gaga’s curtains being pulled back make us gag from spleen to mouth. There is no audience for this book. Except for every other creepy celebrity who will no longer higher Jenny to be their confidential bunkmate.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex July 17, 2014 @ 12:48 PM
This South African chick will do anything for attention. You think laying naked on a rocky beach is pleasant? You get a chunk of limestone up your cunny and you’ll be wondering why you didn’t take that weekend shift at the Johannesburg Chick-fil-A. Ambition really is what differentiates the aspiring models from the girls who no longer have to blow old men named Rick to pay the rent. What’s a rock up the cooch when you’re relieved of that horrid existence. No offense, Rick.
Photo Credit: Randall Slavin
By Jack July 17, 2014 @ 12:30 PM
The inexplicably popular Drake used his forum as host of the ESPYs to throw shade at Macklemore. He’s still jealous that the talentless shitburger beat him at the Grammys to which he wore his very neatest suit. I wish Easy-E hadn’t died of The AIDS so he could set these kids straight, with a gun.
Read what the handicapped kid from Degrassi had to say about Macklemore. (Huffington Post)
Want to see a picture of Kate Upton big ole titties? Of course you do! (Drunken Stepfather)
Bruce Willis’ daughter Rumer is hot, especially when she wears a see-through shirt. (Taxi Driver)
Britney Spears dined and very slowly dashed at the Cheesecake Factory (The Superficial)
Chrissy Teigen warms up for a performance by spazzing out all sexy on the floor. (COED)
Selena Gomez isn’t wearing any underwear under her Renn Faire dress. (Popoholic)
Whore banshee Jenny McCarthy claims she’s burned through 400 vibrators. (BroBible)
By Lex July 17, 2014 @ 12:01 PM
I take back all that shit I said about the ESPYs being more sucky than Lindsay Lohan at a cocaine prize package glory hole. Fuck, that was a reach. Chrissy Teigen’s boobs make everything interesting. I think she knows that too. Her drunken rants on Twitter are mildly amusing, but her tits without a bra are the world’s best house party. Even Colin Kaepernick etching the Vagina Monologues logo into his head couldn’t shake my gaze. I wish the still alive one from Kriss Kross were here to sing me out.
Photo Credit: Getty
By Lex July 17, 2014 @ 11:50 AM
This is what you get for coming in off the bench in the World Cup and kicking the winning goal. Ann-Kathrin Brommel became famous when she ran onto the field in Brazil to show the world that her hyper-styled soccer player boyfriend wasn’t gay, just extremely European. In Germany, it’s feast or famine, or, you know, the chamber. From a very young age I became aware that a certain select group of men in this world had extremely good looking wives and girlfriends. It was only as I matured that I realized that these hot women were almost entirely the demise of these men’s existence. Also, that that part didn’t matter.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Matt July 17, 2014 @ 10:28 AM
Boston radio slob Kurt Minihane went on a tirade against Erin Andrews because she failed the sacred trade of journalism by not asking hard hitting questions during the MLB All-Star game. During an in game interview Andrews asked Adam Wainwright if he threw Derek Jeter an easy pitch on purpose. It is widely known Derek Jeter is being afforded Kim Jong un style propaganda stunts by major league baseball, since he is retiring from slaying pussy after this year. The pitcher danced around the subject and Andrews let it go because there are wars going on and nobody should give a fuck. Minihane, who had just returned from a lunch of clam chowder and beating up queers took offense:
“I hate her! What a gutless bitch! Go away. Drop dead. I mean, seriously, what the hell is wrong with her? First of all, follow up. Second of all, the guy admitted he did it… Shut up. I’m sure she’s a nice person, but… she’s probably a bitch. I hate her.”
Wishing death on someone for not going Watergate during an exhibition game where dudes jog seems harsh. Like Minihane, I also assume all women out of my league are complete bitches. It takes away from the gnawing voice in my head telling me to work out or approach them in public. Either way this seems like a classless move, although by Boston sports radio standards it ranks somewhere between daily advice on what roofies go best with Sam Adams and racial slurs to yell at Puerto Ricans to get them to punch you back.
By Lex July 17, 2014 @ 10:06 AM
What makes this country so great is that any common man or woman can go to our nation’s capital and have their voices be heard. There is no more common woman than Courtney Stodden. Courtney went to Washington in a lettuce bikini to encourage people to stop eating hot dogs stuffed full of nasty processed animal goo, sort of like, oh, Courtney herself. Instead, she wanted people to try out veggie dogs composed of shoddy mass produced soy protein that gives little boys tits. Courtney claims she’s been vegan since the time she first started having underaged sex with much older men.
PETA decided some years ago that people tune out the messages from annoying ‘experts’ but tend to pay attention to blond girls with big boobs. It’s not a particularly errant calculation. There’s a lot of shit I’d watch if it was fronted by hot blond girls with big tits. State of the Union addresses, the evening news, my mom trying to use Skype. All could be made better by a poorly informed hot chick with mascara and big old yabbos. PETA just needs to find the hot chick.
Photo Credit: Getty