Peyton Manning’s A Munchie’s Genius

By Matt September 19, 2014 @ 6:55 AM

Peyton Manning suggested his twenty-one Colorado Papa John’s restaurants are pulling in a ton of dough because weed is legal in in the state now and pot heads can’t resist super shitty pizza places that deliver and take coupons. Manning bought the franchises two weeks before Colorado legalized recreational marijuana. Manning threw in a wink to the pot culture because he was wearing his bad boy underpants:

“I’ve gotten to know some of the folks here in Colorado… There’s some different laws out here in Colorado. Pizza business is pretty good out here, believe it or not, due to some recent law changes. So when you come to a different place, you’ve kind of got to learn everything that comes with it.”

Someone should tell Manning that Colorado also legalized use of the word weed so he doesn’t need to use a ton of euphemisms. This guy probably still hems and haws when suggesting a blow job. I find his inference that all users of marijuana are lovable washouts who stuff their face with five dollar pizzas rather offensive not to mention right on point. Just like on the field. He read the defense, saw 500,000 dudes in hemp pullovers smiling wryly and rubbing their bellies and bought up two dozen pizza outlets in their delivery zone. He’s probably making more money off weed in Colorado than most of the pot outlets and his hands are completely Southern Boy clean. Fucking genius.

Little Monstar Gets Roid Ragey

By Matt September 19, 2014 @ 6:29 AM

Monstar

Dani Reardon is known in internet circles at Little Monstar, and worshiped by a contingent of men who like chicks with huge guns and well defined abs and delts. This sexual preference is often abbreviated as gay.  Reardon kicked the shit out of her boyfriend, uprooted a bunch of plants, cracked the windshield of a truck by hand, and was then put into a patrol car where she repeatedly bashed her head into the cage in the back seat. Reardon was apparently drunk, which can happen quickly when you survive on syringes full of Captain America serum and powdered eggs and throw back a fifth of Scotch because its low in carbs. It’s likely whatever Reardon is doing to juice her pythons is enlarging her frontal lobes and unleashing a violent beast on the Florida outback. I recommend you think twice before dating any chick with hands the size of pomelos, and if you are sexually curious just have a go at Neil Patrick Harris. He’s a funny guy with great stories about the Emmy’s as opposed to that time he added gravel to his oatmea and then spent nine hours lifting at Gold’s.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Models Are Mean To Kendall Jenner And Shit Around The Web

By Jack September 18, 2014 @ 5:01 PM

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Kendell Jenner is whining that she was bullied and treated like shit by the models at New York’s fashion week. Could it be that they resent a girl who volunteered to blow creepy older men to get her gigs rather than being forced to? Could be.

Read all about poor Jenner’s rich bitch problems. (The Superficial)

Anastasia Ashley in a bikini for Galore magazine is highly fappable.(Drunken Stepfather)

I would like to squeeze Chelsea Heath’s booty. Please.(Hollywood Tuna)

Samantha Basalari is much hotter than your girlfriend.(Popoholic)

Mayim Bialik hates Ariana Grande because she’s hotter than Mayin Bialik.(Huffington Post)

Fanny Nequesha left her soccer douche man to wear bikinis for you.(COED)

JJ Abrams releases a Star Wars/Batman easter egg and the Internet creams its pants.(Movie Pilot)

Cara Delevingne In A Bikini

By Lex September 18, 2014 @ 2:03 PM

Cara Delevingne Poses In A Bikini For John Hardy
This chick is really starting to grow on me. Even her Grandpa Munster eyebrows that once repulsed me are now starting to look like solid points of focus when trying to last longer. I don’t know if it’s because she’s now tasted the essence of several leading ladies or the fact that I looked her up and she comes from money, but I’d probably let her be my abusively obnoxious girlfriend for a while. I’m feeling heroic.

Photo Credit: John Hardy

Meredith Vieira is A Victim Hero Too (VIDEO)

By Lex September 18, 2014 @ 1:29 PM

Meredith Vieira is the latest public figure to use the Janay Rice punch to the kisser as a jumping off point for her own tale of sticking with an abusive man. Meredith got grabbed roughly and called names and scalded in the shower as a younger woman experiencing bad love. She chose to stay because she was scared and guilty. Also, somewhat presciently, she knew the experience might come in handy as a sweeps week teaser on her afternoon talk show decades later.

This whole victim as hero is the pendulum swing response to victim as ‘dumb bitch’ crude meme that went around about Janay Rice for signing up for a lifetime of happiness with the dude who dragged her hair first out of an elevator. I don’t see it either way. I understand why some women stick out abusive relationships. Who knows which of us wouldn’t do the same in a different situation. Fuck, I’ve stuck it out with horrible women before for dumber reasons. But heroic? No, just stupid. We’re all stupid. There’s no shame.

Maitland Ward Works Out Well

By Lex September 18, 2014 @ 12:20 PM

Maitland Ward Shows Her Nips While Working Out
I’m assuming this chick who was once on Boy Meets World knows she’s being photographed working out. It’s not so much the elaborate stretches in a sunlit courtyard so much as the wet braless tank top thing. You only see that in gym scenes in porn. Working out on this elliptical in some guys carpeted bedroom makes me want to have sex on a stage set decorated with one fake bench and locker as well. I don’t mind a ruse when it’s backed by large pre-moistened breasts. I’m all in.

Photo Credit: Splash

Cameron Diaz In Her Underwear

By Lex September 18, 2014 @ 11:59 AM

Cameron Diaz In Her Underwear For German GQ
Cameron Diaz used to be good looking and act shy and modest and pretend she wasn’t. Now she and her publicity team are pushing really hard to make you believe she’s still that same girl. Even in German, it’s not nearly as enticing. Nobody goes through the A-Rod sex and HGH cocktail ringer and comes out more feminine on the other end. If the thrice a day banging doesn’t get you, the equine spermatozoa is certain to lower your voice an octave and drop a pair of fully formed Penny Marshalls out of your cooch. Photoshop is a band-aid, not a building block. It’s probably time for Cameron to hang up the kinky garters. I say this out of love. I still look back fondly at the random dude at the gym who told me it was time to stop with the mesh tops. It stings, but when the pain fades, you’re in a better place.

Photo Credit: GQ Germany

Iggy Azalea Might Be Screwed, On Tape

By Lex September 18, 2014 @ 10:59 AM

Iggy Azalea Wears Very Short Skirt While Performing In UK
The amount of dicks you must suck and shitty contracts you must sign to catch a break in the music business is rather extraordinary. If you come from a famous family or happen to be a teen TV star you can get into the music thing with probably just a few gropes and inappropriate jokes. But for a girl like Amethyst Amelia Kelly, aka, Iggy Azalea, every rung of the ladder is crafted out of some conniving dude’s cock. Like Hefe Wine. He was Iggy’s manager and fuck buddy. He got her to sign a release form in 2009 that says he can produce and distribute all filmed content of her. It was designed for music videos and performances, but since he can now make a shitload more selling videos of him boinking her in the ass, he’s claiming if he sets the sex tape to music, he’s bulletproof on the legals.

I’m torn on Hefe’s claim. While he is clearly doing a screw job on Iggy, I’d like to see that screw job for myself. As with all moral conflicts, I consult my minister than err heavily on the side of what gives me the most immediate gratification.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI