Curt Schilling Dismissed

Curt Schilling was shit cannedby ESPN because they're owned by ABC which is owned by Disney which doesn't allow their employees to repost anti-tranny public bathroomchoicememes on Twitter. Also, they have a couple other rules. A devout asshole, Schlling has trouble controlling himself when it comes to meat and potatoes red-blooded American values under attack. If he did so in a meaningful or interesting or thoughtful...read more

Lindsay Lohan Embraces Allah

Lindsay Lohan is converting to Islam. The burqa should prevent accidental views ofher sun and booze ravagedcleavage. It was like walking in on your grandma in the shower. Lohan was observedtoting a Quran while doing community service, proving that even superwhite people who go to jail eventually become Muslims. No word yet on whether she got her GED or befriended a black guy with a crocheted taqiyah. When asked about...read more

Jennifer Aniston Named Most Beautiful And Shit Around The Web

People Magazine came out with its most beautiful people issue and chose Jennifer Aniston as the most beautiful person of 2016. No, you didn't get stuck in a time warp to 1993.This is how magazines get access and how you lose faith in magazines. Her arms creep me out. (Dlisted) Amberleigh West is topless out in nature. (Egotastic All-Stars) Ariel Winter took her huge tits for a walk in a white jumpsuit. (Egotastic)...read more

Prince Is Dead Too

The artist known as Prince is dead. Early reports are he was suffering from flu like symptom which means The AIDS or another immune deficiency complication because people in their 50's in Minnesota don't die from the flu. Not in the Spring. Unlike almost every single pop music star ever, Prince was a supremely talented musician, songwriter, and performer. He was a scrawny fey black dude who could shtup any woman he...read more

James Franco Is A Little Gay

James Franco has come out of the closet. A little bit. He told reporters, "I'm a little gay." This is the sexual-orientation equivalent of dipping a toe in the ocean to test the temperature. In Hollywood, you used to haveto lie about swallowing cock with your starfish. Also take on super masculine action roles likeJohn Travolta, Tom Cruise, and Vin Diesel. More recently, Hollywood has hailed you as a hero for coming...read more

Katherine Heigl Will Apologize for Work

Katherine Heiglhas rescinded her initial criticism of Judd Apatow's Knocked Up which came out eight years ago. Heigl previously called the movie sexist; It paints the women as shrews, as humorless and uptight, and it paints the men as lovable, goofy, fun-loving guys... I'm playing such a bitch; why is she being such a killjoy? Why is this how you're portraying women? Heigl now admits it was dumb to criticize her own...read more

Kelly Ripa Seems Happy

Former NFL lineman Michael Strahan has been anointed by ABC as their magical morning TV negro. He's been promoted through the morning infotainment TV show ranks at speeds unnerving to his facially barely recognizable female co-hosts who haven't eaten since the first Bush administration. While Strahan's co-host on Live, Kelly Ripa, has been struggling to eliminate her final two percent of body fat, Strahan's been wined...read more

Chyna Sleeps in Valhalla

It's not the number of the years you live that matter, but the amount of living you pack into those years. Arguably the most notorious female professional wrestler ever, Chyna, finally succumbed to a dozen or more years of trying to kill herself with booze and alcohol at age forty-five. Chyna leaves behind a series of porn work fulfilling the fetish of men who like see large muscular women take it in the ass and an...read more

Tess Holliday Has a Ton of Baby Weight

Size-22 model Tess Holliday is pissed because she keeps posting gestating baby pictures to Instagram and people keep suggesting she's not pregnant, just super fucking fat. Not everybody gets that with-child Gisele "you look amazing" chorus. Holliday insists she's eight months pregnant but short of a livestreaming an ultrasound, the fat shaming world is inclined to chalk it to numerous late night runs to the Taco Bell...read more

Stella Maxwell Has A Naked Beach Party And Shit Around The Web

You know when you go to the beach with a friend and a long piece of cloth and run around naked? No, of course not. You aren't a supermodel like Stella Maxwell and that shit doesn't happen in real life. But lucky for us it does happen here. (Egotastic) Rebecca Romijn is nipple poking something series in NYC. (Last Men On Earth) Elsa Hosk wears see-through lingerie and it's glorious. (Egotastic All-Stars) Stella...read more

Kendall Jenner Searches for Her Real Daddy

Khloe Kardashian's paternity chase ended with her being part Kris Jenner's late 80's hairdresser and part used Burger King french fry oil. Kendall Jenner is now seeking her true lineagesinceit's hard to picture a gay man with tits beingyour real dad. Also, Kris Jenner keeps teasing around how many other people she fucked whilemarried to Dead Bob Kardashian and Bruce Jenner both. The Scarlet Letter isn't formost women,...read more

Elsa Hosk in A Bikini for Victoria's Secret

There's a circling political meme about Trump employing foreign models on H1B visas for his Trump modeling agency. This is supposed to undercut his rhetoric about bringing back shitty low skill factory jobs from overseas so the U.S. can have more working poor. Ritz Cracker extruder cleaning is where this country wants to be. American women will fill the modeling jobs, they just won't accept being fondled at fourteen...read more

Bella Thorne in A Bikini Seems Enhanced

Confirming Bella Thorne has fake tits is less disappointing than it is a cold confirmation of the popularity sciences. Ever since her parents Dominican Little League doctored her birth certificate so she could try out for Disney roles at eight with a developed girls body, she's been on the 'there's no going back to Orlando' track. Demi Lovato was bulimic at six. Selena Gomez' mom had to teach her daughter how to blow...read more

Dax Shepherd Molested Also

Dax Shepard spoke publicly about being molested by a neighbor teen boy when he was seven. Shepard claims he kept the experience private for the next eleven years wondering if he had emittedsecret gay signals that led to his fondling. It's not a theory without some merit. Look at that face. It's beaming something out there. Shepard's mother was a foster care children's advocate which is entirely a coincidence to...read more

Audrina Patridge Pregnant in A Bikini

If you wanted to fuck her first, you're too late. Audrina Patridge has eased effortlessly into the Hollywood standard practiceof insisting people witnessyour gestating fetus and then complaining about all the strange looks you get. "Belly belly belly. The bigger I get people either seem to stare as if I'm an alien or ask to rub it for good luck #pregolife." How weird it must be to be a thirty-year old woman with...read more