Ashley Sky Poses In A Swimsuit

By Lex July 21, 2014 @ 10:39 AM

Ashley Sky Poses In A Swimsuit For A Beach Photo Shoot In Miami
Ashley Sky seems to have survived her session in the Terry Richardson studios. The South American girls are a bit heartier than those Hungarian girls who feel the need to piss and moan every time a photographer whips out his dick and announces it’s time to see the rattler bite. In Brazil they educate the girls from an early age with photos of creepy men with mustaches jizzing on the cheeks of caricature girls who politely smile, ask for a hanky, then discreetly request the cover of Vogue in four more sessions. Eastern Bloc girls born after the toilet paper lines have become quite spoiled.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Anderson Cooper Overshares

By Matt July 21, 2014 @ 10:08 AM

Cooper

Anderson Cooper got kind of graphic on Bravo Andy Cohen’s talk show when was asked to reveal a secret about Cohen and replied with:

“I know a lot of secrets about Andy, but I guess the one that would surprise people the most is that he’s a top… Believe me, there’s nothing wrong with that, but I’m just saying…”

I think Cohen was looking for something like ‘He puts ketchup on his eggs’ or ‘He secretly watches Duck Dynasty’ not ‘He likes to slam his dick into men’s asses.’ Apparently Cooper is confusing his out of the closet status with homaging Andy Dick. As a wealthy gay male in the media, Anderson Cooper wields more power than God. He could service his partner from behind his anchor desk to demonstrate what Israel wants from Hamas in order to quit their ground assault and nobody could do a thing. But with tremendous power comes tremendous responsibility. And not necessarily the responsibility for remind everybody about Andy Cohen and his Hamptons orgies and Tindr trolling. I’m for everybody banging whoever the hell they want. I’m also for everybody shutting the fuck up about it. That second part being far more important.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Lindsay And Ali Lohan In Bikinis On A Yacht

By Lex July 21, 2014 @ 9:55 AM

Lindsay And Ali Lohan In Bikinis On A Yacht In Capri Italy
Childhood trauma, drinking, drugs, anorexia, prison, failed careers. These are among the things that simply can’t keep the Lohan sisters down. Those two chin-up girls donned some ill fitting bikinis for their respectively awkward shaped bodies and hit the high seas about ten feet off the coast of Capri, lest probation officer helicopters come swooping down. The girls swam and suntanned and played the liars poker game of ‘Daddy did worse to me’ which as always ended in a mix of giggles and violent tremors. It was a nice chance for the sisters to get together and talk about the latest summer fashions and how they never want to bring babies into this cruel world.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Chris Brown’s Celebrity Felon Kick Ball Raises Eleven Dollars (VIDEO)

By Lex July 21, 2014 @ 9:08 AM

Only mostly everybody at Chris Brown’s Kick’N’ It for Charity Celebrity Kickball game in Glendale had rap sheets. Chris, DJ Khaled, The Game, and a few other charitable fellows famous for drugs and beating women showed up for a cause nobody could actually name. Paris Hilton’s jail house record got her into the match where she showed that one lazy eye and nonchalance is all it takes to not be able to kick a slow moving rubber ball. The Jenner girls showed looking for future abusive boyfriends. Their teen friend Pia Mia Perez arrived off the plane Kanye flies her around in international air space so he can sodomize her without fear or legal reprisal. After the final run was scored the U.S. Attorney showed up with a court order preventing that same group of convicts from being within five hundred feet of one another. It’s really hard to think of anything more Americana than this Amish barn raising.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

New WWTDD Policy Prohibits the Display of Celebrity Children in Fuck Me Pumps

By Lex July 21, 2014 @ 8:48 AM

Heidi Klum And Her Daughter Step Out On Matching Hills In New York
A lot of gossip rags talk the talk, but none are going to reach the bar we’re setting by completely prohibiting the photographic display, written discussion, or even the mere mention of celebrity kids dressed like itty bitty hookers. Just as an example, we will no longer be talking about Heidi Klum wardrobing her ten year old daughter like she’s ready to hit the clubs in Paris and maybe take a lover. That’s so inappropriate, you won’t find that indecency here. Check People. Now give me my Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award and a cheese sandwich. God bless America.

Photo Credit: Splash

Miley Cyrus Isn’t Dead Yet

By Lex July 21, 2014 @ 7:37 AM

Lauren-on-Twitter-Freaking-Out
A Miley Cyrus death hoax over the weekend spread unchecked through the camp of people who have exit bags laid out to suffocate themselves to oblivion should anything happen to Miley Cyrus. Just check out fan Lauren. The mere possibility of Miley’s tragic death forced her to spell out almost half her words. And Natalie nearly swallowed her retainer while teeing Lauren up with exasperated segues. That shit’s not funny, hoaxsters. These are real girls with real respiratory problems that keep them indoors.

Naturally, people are somewhat inclined to believe a MILEY CYRUS DEAD FROM DRUG OVERDOSE social media headline more than MILEY CYRUS SUCCESSFULLY NAMES ELEVEN STATES. The entire hoax was run by one of those spam survey sites that asks you how old you are and then says you ranked in the top 98% of respondents so you win a RV. Don’t give them your credit card number or your bank account will be used to buy more missiles to lob at Tel Aviv. This world is now way too small.

Sara Sampaio Models Lingerie

By Lex July 21, 2014 @ 6:30 AM

Sara Sampaio Models Lingerie For Next
This chick is the hottest thing to come out of Portugal since, fuck, I can’t name anything else. There’s a sausage I think that’s Portuguese at my local brat place. It’s pretty damn tasty. But it’s a distant second to this supermodel. Maybe the Portuguese will do something big again like they did in the 16th century and knock Sara in her underwear down to second place. Cure cancer or invent an electric car that isn’t emasculating or something that changes the course of history. Or they can just steal good looking girl babies from Spain and wait eighteen years.

Photo Credit: Next

Adrienne Bailon Wants Rob Kardashian Off Her Ass

By Lex July 21, 2014 @ 6:06 AM

Rob-Kardashian-His-Sisters-and-Adrienne-Bailon

A pendant would make more sense. Or a homemade coupon book for blow jobs. Trust me when I say he’ll appreciate that more than a tattoo. Adrienne Bailon’s forecasting skills weren’t so hot six years ago when she got an ass tattoo of the full name of the guy whose job was being ‘loser brother’ on the Kardashian show. Since their breakup she’s tried twice to get his name lasered off to no avail. Now her new dude is complaining that every time he slams her up against the Ikea Billy he sees Rob Kardashian’s name in his rifle sight. Adrienne enlisted the help of space age technology to turn her Kardashian ass signature into something resembling a melting Fudgie the Whale.

“For me, I feel like getting the tattoo was painful. And I think living the last six years with somebody’s name on your body is a little weird and that’s a bit more painful. Like, I’d have to explain that to my kids.”

Well yeah, those future rug-rats are going to want to know why the name of the argyle sock designer who famously sat at a Farrell’s Ice Cream parlor and ate Gibson Girls until his thorax exploded is permanently stenciled into your dumper. Kids are curious like that. Clear that tat off post-haste and hope that Google searches are considered totally lame ten years from now. You know, since you went on Extra to talk all about your Rob Kardashian ass tattoo and created a dozen top ranked search results.