Jennifer Lawrence Screwed By Older Man

Jennifer Lawrence and Darren Aronofsky are doing romantically great. Aronofsky is a 48-year-old director who looks like he scheduled the trains for Mussolini; Lawrence a 26-year-old actress who did better than Trump last year and screams wage gap. read more

Carolina Dumps Their Single Gender Bathrooms for More Basketball

All politics are local. Also, incredibly inane, boring, and cynical. Last year North Carolina passed a bill that said you have to piss in the public restroom aligned with your birth certificate gender. This was the so-called tranny ban. read more

Scarlett Johansson Eying Politics

Scarlett Johansson told Michael Strahan she'd consider turning her public abortion confessions and Ivanka Trump impersonations into a full time elected office gig after her daughter is older and if she's still between additional future marriages. read more

Kim Kardashian Stares Death in the Face

Kim Kardashian has a hole in her uterus. You be the judge of how it got there. Exhume Dead Bob Kardashian for an autopsy. Maybe Janie got a gun. read more

Kam Chancellor Miffed

NFL players will be banned next season from jumping over the line of scrimmage to block a field goal even though that is the intuitive thing to do when playing football. read more

Jennifer Lawrence's Shirt Is Epic

Jennifer Lawrence posed for Dior's 2017 fashion line wearing a shirt that says "We Should All Be Feminists." It's unclear what that means. Certainly we need checks and balances. read more

Rita Ora Bikinis Around The Maldives And Shit Around The Web

Rita Ora took her giant bikinied titties on vacation to the Maldives. Still can't name a single one of her songs, but the bigger her cleavage gets, the more you have to respect the musician within. read more

Joss Whedon Man Enough for Batgirl

If you thought only a female director could take up the task of DC's Batgirl, the 948th comic book movie of the 2010's, you're right. Except for Joss Whedon. read more

Mischa Barton Seeks Dr. Phil's Wise Counsel

Mischa Barton's taped an episode of Dr. Phil that will explain how she's the unwitting victim of an ex-boyfriend's secretly recorded sex tape. Also, how her half-naked fence post rantings are the result of being slipped various chemical cocktails by a Mordor ring wearing... read more

Ashley Graham Smiling and Cashing Checks

Based on a scientific sampling of omnipresent female bloggers, women care an awful lot about men validating overweight women as healthy and sexy. It's a neurotic Kobayashi Maru that men solve by ignoring the entirety of the conversation so they don't end up in fights they... read more

Rachel Dolezal Releases Her Book

If you were waiting for the release of "In Full Color: Finding My Place in a Black and White World" before fully committing to Rachel Dolezal being completely nuts, fair enough. It's out. She is. read more

Thom Yorke Deserves Better

Everything you need to know about Radiohead fans can be seen in how they reacted to tabloid magazines covering Thom Yorke's Miami Beach vacation. Everything you need to know about Thom Yorke can be seen in his selection of a mediocre Italian girlfriend. Nice things aren't... read more