Dr. Luke Sues Lawyer Who Is Suing Him

By Matt December 09, 2014 @ 6:04 AM

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Last week Lady Gaga went on Howard Stern, quickly ran out of amusing anecdotes and turned the conversation an an anonymous man in the music business who raped her when she was nineteen and just starting out. Mark Geragos is an attorney who represents celebrities of many ilk, whether they are claiming to have been raped or are factually documented rapists themselves, whichever proves to be more lucrative. In this instance he is representing Kesha, who is suing music producer Dr Luke for rape because he may or may not have raped her and also she wants out of her production contract with him. After Gaga went on Stern, Mark Geragos tweeted “Guess who the rapist was?” When someone suggested it was Luke, he responded with “#bingo.”

Clearly Geragos should be disbarred immediately and be given a panelist slot on Chelsea Handler’s supposedly upcoming show so he can spread bitchy rumors without any proof. He definitely has no business doing any lawyering, which is the case with most lawyers who have time to speak with Dr Drew about Amanda Bynes for an hour each morning. Dr. Luke decided to take matters into his own allegedly raping hands and order his lawyers to sue Geragos.

“Fueled by his insatiable desire for attention and malice towards [Luke], Geragos and his law firm have now made the horrific, outrageous and maliciously false assertion that [Luke] raped the world famous musical artist Lady Gaga. This time, Geragos has gone way too far with his arrogant and irresponsible conduct; he has lost all sense of ethics, propriety and decency.”

Good point. Too bad he throws bad ass cocktail parties and people in the legal field love him because they are crusty trolls and he knows celebrities. Anyone with the capability to appropriately ban him from court relishes the opportunity to hit the open bar at his Holiday Event and try to talk to Chris Brown with bad breath. Dr Luke should just join the party. It’s just a completely unfounded rape allegation.  It probably gets no more than 5,000 words in Rolling Stone magazine loosely fact checked piece. Nothing to get upset about.

Photo Credit: Twitter 

Alessandra Ambrosio Does Yoga Pretty Well

By Lex December 08, 2014 @ 2:26 PM

Alessandra Ambrosio Booty In Leggings While Doing Yoga In The Park In Santa Monica
In a perfect world, attractive women who’ve fled Brazil to the safety of Brentwood would all be forced into yoga in the park to pay their fake Obama fines for not waiting in line for immigration. It would be a soft force as they all pretty much do it instinctually without being instructed. It’s easy to imagine how simple life would be if your daily routine consisted of Soul Cycling and having virgin boys from Polynesia with unusually high Vitamin A counts urinate on your face to cure makeup acne. It’s not the burn, it’s the humbling that gets you.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI/FameFlynet

Protestors Piled Up Naked Again in Europe

By Lex December 08, 2014 @ 1:45 PM

AnimaNaturalls Animal Rights Protestors Go Naked To Stop The Fur Trade In Barcelona
Spin the wheel of naked people covered in fake blood protests and see where it lands. Today was anti-fur in Barcelona. Several of the group’s leaders were actually wearing fur coats themselves, but just because it’s winter and nothing keeps you warm like natural animal pelts. Their followers completely understood.

This whole naked chick protest thing had a good run, but now that dudes are tossing their nut sacks into the mix, it got wholly less interesting. I don’t care how shrill, I’ll pretty much agree to do anything a Tinder average body type naked girl asks of me. But a guy with blood on his shlong begging me to follow his righteous cause is at least two too many hints of rape trap.

Photo Credit: Splash

Kate Upton Is Athena, Not a Sex Object

By Lex December 08, 2014 @ 1:05 PM

Kate Upton Busty In New Game Of War Fire Age Trailer With Bounce Gif
Getting people to appreciate you for your cunning intellect and masonry skills is much harder when you keep taking paychecks to show off your tits. There’s nothing wrong with that particular occupation unless you’re a chick who wears twill cord pants and believe the UVA rape story is more true now after recanting. Or if you’re Kate Upton who in between earning fat cash for bouncing her boobs in a fantasy action video game promo chastises men for treating her like a bouncing pair of boobs in a fantasy action video game promo. I hope for Christmas Santa gives her a sense of irony and even bigger titties.

Photo Credit: Game Of War

Leonardo DiCaprio Seems To Be Handling His Breakup Okay

By Lex December 08, 2014 @ 12:14 PM

Leonardo-DiCaprio-at-Art-Basel-in-Miami

Leonardo DiCaprio might be the sole human person at Art Basel in Miami who understands the true purpose of the pretentious event — bang the mustard out of ambitious young models hoping to build entries for their herpetic celebrity scrapbooks. According to a source who meets the New York Daily News standard of being both anonymous and questionable to the point of likely being made up by their own staff, Leonardo DiCaprio ditched a celebrity loaded party in Miami and took all twenty hot chicks in the VIP section with him, presumably to a location just north of his taint. If it’s true, it’s a cocksman power move like none other, especially since that German model he just broke up with was milling around somewhere in the area.

DiCaprio isn’t just plowing the snot out of models in multiples, he’s doing so while drinking himself a nice paunch and growing the bad ponytail and beard combo. This makes him the ultimate man’s man. It’s a fuck you to every restrictive rule ever written. Somewhere on his iPhone is a picture of him with a Double Double in one hand, a cold beer in the other hand, as he spunks so forcefully into the back of a seven girl naked dutch model human centipede that Sophie at the head of the chain spits out his jizz. If God ever sees that photo, he’ll take Leo into heaven and challenge him to a fist fight. No man was meant to fly this close to the sun.

Nicky Hilton Is Now Boring in a Bikini

By Lex December 08, 2014 @ 11:53 AM

Nicky Hilton Flashes Booty In A Leopard Print Bikini In Miami
When the answer is Paris Hilton and the question is which Hilton sister got all the charm, you might as well wrist cut your way out of the Jeopardy competition if you’re the other one. There’s an opiated elderly woman in Western China who has barely moved on a porch rocking chair for the past thirty years as her teeth drop into the crusty mound of feces beneath her who’d make better company for a two hour layover than Nicky Hilton. Both speak in short monosyllabic grunts, but if you linger long enough with Old Mrs. Chao, you’ll hear the story about the time Mao and his Red Army rode through the valley and used her like a semen cushion between battles. That beats a Nicky Hilton purse shopping yarn by several leagues.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet/Splash

Miley Cyrus Handles Her Schwarzenegger

By Lex December 08, 2014 @ 11:37 AM

Miley Cyrus And Patrick Schwarzenegger Go Jet Skiiing In Miami
Miley Cyrus finally found a fella that makes her smile even when she’s morning almost sober. You can’t really do better than a Schwarzengger. The way Maria and Arnold banged the shit out of everybody but each other for thirty years, it’s hard to declare his lineage with any certainty, but I bet he’s hoping his dad’s a foreign diplomat with real hair, not the incoherent roid bastard who cold porked the maid. Those are some heavy emotions. The kind that can only be assuaged as a randy platypus with her own daddy issues fondles your balls from the back of your Jet-Ski. Watching two young adults who hate their parents fuck each other’s brains out still makes me tear up.

Photo Credit: INF

Kendall Jenner Has Been Naughty

By Lex December 08, 2014 @ 9:40 AM

Kendall Jenner Has Been Naughty For Love Magazine (Screencaps)
Some magazine this weekend names Kendall Jenner the most interesting model of 2014. I couldn’t care to remember the magazine or the reasons why, but the industry can’t clamp their molester hands onto this reality star fast enough. It’s as if nobody gave a shit about all the heroin addled chain smoking teenagers who came before her and they were simply waiting for the Messiah. An American chick with a simple non-Russian name that comes pre-packaged with a six million retard strong social media army. That tranny model who was moaning about Kendall Jenner not earning her bones and being silver spooned into the business was right. But who hears complaints when a nineteen year old chick is splayed across Santa’s knees in stockings and garters getting her ass spanked. Doesn’t that mean we all win?

Photo Credit: Love Magazine