By Jack November 26, 2013 @ 1:54 PM
What do you buy the man that already has everything? A fucking heart-shaped island, of course! At least that’s what the once hot Angelina Jolie got for Brad Pitt for his 50th birthday. Petra island is a small rock 50 miles off the coast of New York City that has two houses built by the great American architect Frank Lloyd Wright. Pitt is apparently a Lloyd Wright fan, so naturally he should get both as well as the rest of the island, right? Well, of course! He deserves all the best. After all it’s not easy dressing up and playing pretend. Oh wait, it totally fucking is.
It makes sense that Angelina Jolie is now buying up remote islands. She can staff the islands with discreet medical teams prepared to lop off her body parts as genetics testing reveals her chances for various future diseases. At some point, she’ll come back to the mainland as merely a portion of torso encased in a saline filled bio-suit. But Brad will still love her. Because he’s that kind of a guy. The guy who gets islands for his birthday.
By Lex November 26, 2013 @ 1:39 PM
I guess you can go home again. That Brazilian chick who auctioned off her virginity last year for $780K to a horny Japanese business man is selling it again. Catarina Migliorini claims that original deal was never consummated and her hymen remains more intact than a Japanese tsunami wall. Some people are skeptical of her cherry claim, but Catarina defends her purity like only a girl selling her vagina for money online really can:
“When I say I am a virgin it’s because there is no one in the world that can prove the contrary. I never had sexual relations of any type with anyone, not vaginal, not anal and not oral.”
Catarina sure sounds like a fun girl. There’s nothing like paying a cool half a mill to watch a girl cry and ask if it’s okay if she calls her mom before you ruin her. I can get that on my regular dates for twenty bucks. Catarina is pretty hot, but I’m prepared to call every single one of the six-figure bidders on her site bogus. Like most Brazilian sex workers, it’s time for Catarina to give up her dreams of the big stage and pray to Cristo Redento that Justin Bieber will splooge himself to a deep sleep in her brothel chambers.
Photo Credit: www.virginswanted2.com
By Travis November 26, 2013 @ 12:00 PM
Aspiring porn star and former Anthony Weiner sexting mistress Sydney Leathers is apparently feeling a little bashful these days, as TMZ reports that she is having an expensive labiaplasty procedure done to cut back some of the mud flaps on her money tunnel. By itself, this story isn’t even worth mentioning until the operation is over and she starts letting porn stars split her in half, but Sydney is going the extra mile and auctioning off her vagina trimmings. A labiaplasty reportedly costs about $8,400, so a girl needs to earn a little back, but if you’re a guy looking to shell out even a dime for a piece of labia removed from any woman, let alone this worthless leech, you really, really need to reconsider every decision you’ve made in your life up to this point.
Photo Credit: Alberto Reyes/WENN.com
By Travis November 26, 2013 @ 11:00 AM
Now that Miley Cyrus has made it big and is flapping her nonexistent ass cheeks all over the stage with D-list rappers, the Cyrus family is trying to elevate 26-year old Brandi Cyrus to fame, because if there’s a dollar to be made, Billy Ray and Trish will take it. Brandi was also at the American Music Awards on Sunday night, interviewing celebrities on the red carpet, but she absolutely dazzled on her own as people took pictures of her and asked, “Who the fuck is this girl?” while others responded, “No clue, I’m just making sure my camera works.”
Photo Credits: Getty
By Travis November 26, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
Because he thinks that he’s the most important person in the world at all times, Kanye West is calling for his fans to boycott Louis Vuitton after the company’s vice president allegedly refused a meeting with him. The rapper told 92.3 NOW Radio that while he was in Paris, he wanted to have a pow wow with Louis Vuitton, probably to push his leather sweatpants, and he claims that Yves Carcelle asked why they even needed to meet. “I said, ‘Let me explain to you why you need to meet with me,’” Kanye replied in his imaginary conversation with his own bad ass self, according to the Daily Mail, and without explaining anything further, he added, “Everybody in New York City right now don’t buy any Louis Vuitton until after January.”
That’ll show the big, bad fashion company, Kanye. Just wait until they feel the sting of five people not buying overpriced purses for two months. I bet Yves might even kill himself.
Photo Credit: Getty
By Lex November 25, 2013 @ 7:36 PM
Holy crap, Lil Kim got big. I don’t know what kind of voodoo strapping powers Kim used to keep from dousing London with liquid fat shot out through her camel toe, but consider the Kardashians interested in purchasing the technology. Lil Kim looked about two nesting levels down from the Ruben Studdard babushka doll as she bounced around on the O2 London Arena stage, causing people in China to fall off the bottom of the globe.
Photo Credit: PCN
By Lex November 25, 2013 @ 6:31 PM
I’m not sure who’s been punching Tara Reid in the stomach, but that shit’s got to stop. She’s a lady. If Apollo had seen Rocky busting up Tara’s gut, he would’ve arranged a last minute change of challengers. Still, there’s something to be said for Tara’s accomplishment of remaining upright against a 5mph coastal headwind. Plus, you can’t even see her vagina so I assume she’s taking her mom’s advice to check her crotch in the mirror before she walks out the door. I’m going to go ahead and call this a comeback for Tara Reid.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, PCN
By Lex November 25, 2013 @ 6:17 PM
Tattoos, arrest records, emptied bank accounts, vomit-stained shirts, and chlamydia, all normal things to bring home after drinking too much in Vegas. Not so much Jonah Hill’s sweaty brother as your new husband. I’m not sure how many gin and tonic and roofies it took to convince Francesca Eastwood into thinking it was a good idea, but Jordan Feldstein done got himself a hot bride. Not that the young Rob Ford looking dude isn’t doing quite well for himself. He manages Maroon 5, Adam Levin and Robin Thicke. The music you have to listen to in the office must suck balls, but I bet the commission checks are nice. Still, the sweaty composite photo Us magazine ran after news of the wedding was apparently enough to scare Francesca into requesting an annulment. When you have family money, you don’t need to marry shvitzy.