By Lex August 13, 2015 @ 10:46 AM
When Trump says rapists and unlicensed ice cream truck vendors are pouring illegally across the border I hope he’s not lumping in the loose foreign models streaming into Miami to show off their tits and vaginas. Even the most ardent ICE enforcer has to understand the need for categories when it comes to who is and isn’t allowed in this country. If you were a big draw at the Berlusconi sex parties, stamp that visa. You don’t need to burrow beneath the wall. Threaten me with the price of lettuce going up. I’m not backing down. More amateur sex workers please.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Lex August 13, 2015 @ 9:36 AM
Anne Hathaway has the world’s worst bukkake porn face. We know you don’t like it, but put on a smiley face. Stop thinking about the drought. If this were real cum you’d feel less guilty. Anne Hathaway is one of the hardest celebrities to capture in any kind of revealing outfit because she hates the way her body looks almost as much as the guy she married who at least pretends. She’s not a bad looking girl. Learn to love yourself before it’s too late. Why is my husband below deck with Valentino again? More water please.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Matt August 13, 2015 @ 8:17 AM
Lamar Odom reportedly showed up unannounced at Khloe Kardashian’s gym where she eats and apparently there was a scuffle and she left. If this sounds phony it probably is and there were most likely cameras involved. Lamar needs the money, although reports say he was screaming at her and there’s no way he’s that good of an actor. Perhaps producers are simply aware he sleeps in the parking lot. Odom and Khloe finalized their divorce papers. It’s assumed she’ll keep the farm. And eat all the animals. Your sister is pregnant and you need some attention. There’s no reason to play on the domestic violence angle. You two behemoths having sex was worthy of Pay per View action from the Butterbean era. The Japanese lost valuable entertainment. Love hurts. Seriously you’re crushing me, turn around.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Matt August 13, 2015 @ 7:36 AM
Angelea Preston won season 400 of America’s Next Top Model, a show which doesn’t generate America’s next top models. She claims her crown was taken away however when it was discovered she was once a prostitute, because there’s a huge difference between modeling and prostitution, namely modeling ups your fee. Clearly it’s possible the producers just re edited the show, since it’s not real. Preston is suing Tyra Banks and the show’s real producers due to mistreatment. Apparently she’s unaware nobody, especially the people who make reality TV, have any respect for the people participating in reality TV. This is to foster a nature of them being expendable and coming back for more and it works marvelously. Aside from not drawing that distinction, Preston appears to not understand how TV production works period:
“I used to admire Tyra so much. I wanted to be like her. I don’t want to be like her now. Tyra was non existent. The only time we saw Tyra was at panel. Tyra never came in to talk to us personally. When the cameras stopped rolling it’s like she’s a stranger.”
Yeah ding dong it’s because she doesn’t really like you and it’s a fucking TV show. Preston goes on to complain about shooting long hours and a bunch of other shit she signed off on in her non union contract. She looks forward to a day when all of Tyra’s victims can line up together “Like the victims of Bill Cosby” and tell their stories. Sure, let’s make it a 99 Cent Store catalog as long as you’re all there. Define victim again English major. You with the face: Put that granola bar down and get back to work.
Photo Credit: Facebook
By Matt August 13, 2015 @ 6:33 AM
Christina Aguilera apparently got drunk and horny and went on Instagram and took a fairly tame topless selfie, or just decided to get into this game super late and boring. Aguilera’s selfie or possibly a screenshot lifted from Eyes Wide Shut shows her topless and covering her giant melons with her face obscured. It is taken from the Hubble:
“Just so you know with me, it’s all real, all the time. Felt like it was time to start sharing some personal stuff with you guys… And it’s just the beginning. Night night. X”
When did you turn into a spammy webcam girl’s Twitter account? Are you doing voiceovers for phone sex lines or are you fifteen and just learned how to talk dirty? Do I need to follow you immediately or just before I begin my afternoon masturbation schedule. Don’t be calling bluff, at this point we’re going to need some double penetration by Friday. Nice toiletries.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex August 12, 2015 @ 1:30 PM
It doesn’t take much to please Matt and I. A couple shiny baubles and a slice of yesterdays pizza. That’s why we jump at the chance each week to drink near beer to get on the microphone to say shit other people just won’t say. Primarily because other people are smarter than we are.
This week’s Last Men on Earth podcast features talk about the stupidity of hiring nannies with nice tits, why Donald Trump is America’s most popular clown face, and how euthanizing the homeless is a better solution than you’ve got.
Thanks to our sponsors at ThePornDude.com, purveyors of all that is left decent and holy and unblemished in this world. Let us praise the porn.
Please comment and subscribe to the show on iTunes. For show contact: LastMenPodcast@gmail.com or LastMenPodcast on Twitter.
By Lex August 12, 2015 @ 12:44 PM
Chloe Lattanzi is Olivia Newton John’s daughter by her husband not the one who disappeared off of a fishing boat only to be found a decade later in Mexico playing tennis with El Chapo. Lattanzi has been forced to defend her new giants tits and big blond hair look on social media after she showed up to her mom’s Xanadu anniversary party looking like a moderately successful Cuervo shots girl. And by forced to defend, I mean, she’s got nothing better to do:
I wanted to say thank you to everyone who shows me love and kindness … Got my first negative comment calling me a trashy no talent slut. And I almost forgot that there are really weird hateful people out there! So girls with big boobs big lips and short skirts [you’re a] sexy bombshell!!! Not a slut! And dey all just jealous. We 2 busy making moves to hate! Weirdos got to much free time! I love and support you all! And value your talents beauty and dreams!
None of that actually makes sense, save for the part where she slips into ebonics. That’s become some kind of zeitgeist among the super white trying to sell records. Lattanzi is 29 and a self-described budding pop-star. I’d say you can’t really bud at 29, but her five sizes larger tits than just a year ago would negate my argument. I remember a simpler time when girls got big fake yabbos and bleached their hair and put on miniskirts and didn’t need to pretend they were ’2 busy making moves’ other than looking for a rich husband because even mom was never that much of a talented singer. Social media has given everybody way too much hope of legitimacy. You can never go home again. Not in fuck me pumps.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Jack August 12, 2015 @ 12:00 PM
Ben Affleck is looking different these days. Maybe it’s because he’s plowing his nanny or maybe it’s because he has a rocking pair of man tits. It’s like the nipples on the Batsuit in that shitty Batman and Robin movie all over again.
Check out his moobies. (The Superficial)
Alyssia McGoogan took all her clothes off outside. (Egotastic All-Stars)
Joe Jackson is still alive because assholes never die. (TMZ)
This is Rayne Ivanushka and these are her titties. (Drunken Stepfather)
Vanessa Hudgens is a sexy squaw because cultural appropriation is hot. (Hollywood Tuna)
Jessica Lowndes wants to make you sweat. (Popoholic)
It’s all about asses today. (The Chive)