Jeremy Renner Is A Pimp And Shit Around The Web

By Jack January 12, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

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Jeremy Renner used his two minutes as a presenter at the Golden Globes to come on to Jennifer Lopez. It’s pretty fucking smooth. You shouldn’t hit on a woman just because her tits are hanging out of her dress, you should also imagine you’d like her smile.

This is how you compliment a lady on her knockers. (Dlisted)

Alexis Ren heats up Instagram in a series of hot pics. (Egotastic)

George Zimmerman arrested after flinging a bottle at his girlfriends because he’s a fucking psycho. (TMZ)

Lena Dunham shows off her pasty lumps before the Golden Globes. (Huffington Post)

Miley Cyrus dresses like slutty herpes-ridden Elvis. (Drunken Stepfather)

Hailey Clauson in a bikini will make you smile in your pants. (Popoholic)

Nikki Lund goes surfing in a tiny bikini. (The Superficial)

Victoria Silvstedt In A Bikini

By Lex January 12, 2015 @ 11:21 AM

Victoria Silvstedt In A Bikini Paddle Boarding While In St. Barts
Corpses don’t last long in Caribbean waters with their warm currents and viscera-dissolving ecosystem. Even the bones become microbe encrusted bedding for coral and anemone in short order. But then Victoria Silvstedt knows this better than anyone. That look on her face and the presence of celebratory secretion in her crotch region indicates that some poor old man who just wanted his pecker wetted now finds himself a permanent patron of Davy Jones locker. It’s the circle of life.

Photo Credit: Splash

Cara Delevingne Snatches Up Kendall Jenner

By Lex January 12, 2015 @ 10:49 AM

Kendall Jenner & Cara Delevingne Go Hiking At Runyon Canyon Park
Who hasn’t this British socialite model chick girl banged yet in Hollywood? That’s not a criticism, that’s a cry of jealousy across genders and vaginas. She finds troubled young female celebrities and before they can cry about their dads becoming moppas, she has her fur in their face finishing them like a DIY bird’s nest with a fine sand paper. She’s good. She’s very good. She’s moving in with Kendall Jenner after spending the holidays grinding the Bieber completely out of Selena Gomez. If she ripped off a fine latex mask and David Spade appeared, I’d just nod my head knowingly.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Photo credit: FameFlynet

Moppa Can You Hear Me?

By Lex January 12, 2015 @ 9:56 AM

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I’ve been to LGBT rights rallies with less LGBT rights rallies in them than the Golden Globe Awards. I blame the foreign press. That group of sods and fops and exiled entertainment reporters living off swag and junkets in Los Angeles. Every year they do their damnedest to extoll the awesomeness of small, poignant, social message films and TV shows and pretend that everybody watching hoping to catch Jennifer Lopez’s tits has seen any of this shit. One episode of Game of Thrones has a wider audience then every single TV show awarded last night combined. It’s niche. I took an hour long break after that chick who made that Amazon show about trannies shouted out a howdy-do to her ‘moppa’ back at home. I get it. mother poppa. I came back in time for the speeches on The AIDS in the 80′s and the movie about gays supporting coal miners nobody’s ever heard of and everybody pretending giving George Clooney a lifetime achievement award was anything more than a publicity stunt.  The entire event could’ve used a presentation from Michael Bay on commercial filmmaking while he simultaneously finger banged two whores fresh off the bus. I guess it was missing real Hollywood.

Photo credit: Getty Images

Jodie Marsh in A Bikini

By Lex January 12, 2015 @ 9:22 AM

Jodie Marsh Nearly Busts Out Of Her Bikini In Barbados
It’s not the outcome that disappoints me. It’s the effort. You can do better than this. When you’re trying that tightly strapped up garment on at the store or in front of your benefactor in the Alexandrian themed library, you need to see the need for relaxed fit. Don’t distend those mammaries over the inked images of Family Feud Top 100 survey of shit found in a basement. Ease into one of those big boobed tops they make with all that supportive wiring and pulleys and cantilever construction. The actors stand behind the curtains during the overture. You’re giving away the story.

Photo Credit: Splash

Kim Kardashian Flies Safe

By Lex January 12, 2015 @ 9:01 AM

Kim Kardashian Walks Through Airport TSA At LAX
It seems a tad bit racist that I have to strip down to my bare soul to get through TSA security while Kim Kardashian gets to tote all sorts of sub-dermal shit right on through. Precious metals, kilos of atomic number 14, centrifuged lipid cakes, one half of a brain borrowed from a cadaver buried behind a mental hospital. You could pack enough plastique into that fat cap to blow up Neverland. I thought the entire idea was we frisk everybody because terrorists are only going to be Middle Eastern males ninety-nine percent of the time. We just need one intercepted communique from Yemen that translates to ‘and the mighty whore shall ass bomb the Great Satan’ and the entire Kardashian clan goes no-fly list stat.

Photo Credit: Splash

Danish Chick Jiu Jitsu’s Revenge

By Matt January 12, 2015 @ 7:49 AM

Holt

Emma Holten’s ex-boyfriend posted nude photos of her on the Internet, making her a victim of revenge porn, which technically describes an array of nastiness forged in the decision that an immature douchebag is the man of your dreams. Once Holten’s apparently nonconsensual photos went up she got some hate mail which is way less threatening than the shit I get and I don’t send ball pics out frequently:

DO YOUR PARENTS KNOW THAT UR A SLUT?

DID U GET FIRED?

WHAT’S THE STORY BEHIND THIS?

WHO DID THIS TO YOU?

SEND ME MORE NUDES OR ILL SEND THE ONES I HAVE TO YOUR BOSS

Yeah it’s called the Internet. People are horrible. I heard there’s a ton of porn on there too.

Holten decided to get revenge on the revenge porn by posting her own nude photos because in Danish that makes sense and all her guy friends voted that it was a great idea. I can’t fault Holten for her decision, I can only masturbate thinking about her tits being two steps ahead of the bad guys.

Photo Credit:http:Hystericalfeminisms.com

Football Is Violent (VIDEO)

By Matt January 12, 2015 @ 7:04 AM

Apparently getting blacked out at noon and watching people spear each other can lead to violence. Especially when your team loses and the beers are three dollars. Your wife hates you. Take it out on the dude next to you wearing the wrong colors. With any luck he has a jiujitsu belt and will simply incapacitate you until Security arrives. This isn’t the 1980′s. People watch Jon Jones and know how to murder at random with their hands. That’s why you should’t get lippy. Not sure if it’s legal to strangle you with the shirt you bought at Foot Locker. We won’t get to that point since your own vomit could kill you. Nachos are amazing.

Photo Credit: KGBT.com