Feminists Destroy Genius Scientist, Feel Remorse, Destroy Some More

By Lex July 10, 2015 @ 9:43 AM

Sir-Tim-Hunt-at-Conference

The U.K.-U.S. Feminist Internet Mob rejoiced when they took down Nobel Laureate cell researcher Sir Tim Hunt for making outrageously sexist comments to a conference of female scientists in South Korea. Only he didn’t make such horrible remarks, rather they were misquoted by a strident women-in-science reporter named Connie St. Louis who whipped up a big storm on social media comparing this 70-something lab nerd to every man who ever kept a woman down. If you’re getting your news from somebody named Connie St. Louis, it’s time to change papers.

According to the frothing at the mouth activists who were riding full speed on their broomsticks before fact checking, the old British researcher announced that women don’t belong in science labs. Sound the claxons of Athena. Hell’s gate has been stormed. Here’s what he actually said, in full, a sad attempt at conference speech humor by an aging book worm:

It’s strange that such a chauvinist monster like me has been asked to speak to women scientists. Let me tell you about my trouble with girls. Three things happen when they are in the lab: you fall in love with them, they fall in love with you, and when you criticize them they cry. Perhaps we should make separate labs for boys and girls? Now seriously, I’m impressed by the economic development of Korea. And women scientists played, without doubt, an important role in it. Science needs women and you should do science despite all the obstacles, and despite monsters like me.

So, basically, I’m a old sod who grew up in a pre equal rights era just trying to be as progressive as possible. After being forced to resign every single job and post and academic association he had after the sexist outrage, tons of women came forward to declare that this dude was far and away the biggest supporter of women in science in his field. Including his wife, who wanted everyone to know he’s a sweet old man who is just horrible at jokes. She too being a female scientist he worked with for years.

Millennial hyper-reactive speech police, what have we learned? Well, we may have to wait an extra twenty years for the cure for cancer to satiate the blood lust of Tweeting women’s studies majors. Also, an old dude who was set to retire with his Nobel Prize and accomplishments of fifty years committed to selfless scientific research has now been besmirched for basically not being able to deliver a poorly thought out joke. Once. In South Korea. To eleven people. All of whom responded with laughs to his comments. Will political correctness kill us all? Probably. For real. Enjoy your chemo.

 Photo credit: Getty Images 

Michael Douglas Thinks American Actors Are Effeminate

By Lex July 10, 2015 @ 8:36 AM

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Michael Douglas has come to the conclusion that British and Aussie male leading actors are snaking all the major studio film roles because American actors have become super pussified. Douglas later hedged and explained that the social media culture in the U.S. encourages male actors to spend time grooming their public images rather than honing their craft. Which I think means banging women with your eyes open so you can at least pull off a decent Bond or Indiana Jones. Even gay British actors are pulling off masculine stronger than the American men who book films by looking flawless and retweeting Ghandi on Caitlin Jenner’s rights.

In the U.S., we have this relatively asexual or unisex area with sensitive young men and we don’t have many Channing Tatums or Chris Pratts, while the Aussies do.

When Chris Pratt and Channing Tatum are your last bastion of American masculinity, we’ve reached the end of our sad tale. The desiccated corpse of John Wayne has more bad-ass left in it’s pelvic bone then Ryan Gosling, Ryan Reynolds, Zac Efron, Chris Pine, James Franco, Jake Gyllenhaal, Justin Timberlake, and Ashton Kutcher. Bingo. I just named the Bruce Vilanch steam room dream team. We can’t beat China at math but we used to dominate pasty white Anglicans at being manly. No more. Finish painting your boat. We set sail at dawn for a rugged foreign port. The age of man is over around these parts.

Photo credit: Getty Images

Nausicaa Oiled Up in A Bikini

By Lex July 10, 2015 @ 8:07 AM

Nausicaa Oiled Up Bikini Body For Water Sales
The more oil this chick rubs on her body, the more I’m becoming okay with her single name bit. Does she even know what she’s selling? Does she even care? She’s got the daily petroleum output of Qatar coating her epidermis. If the post-solstice sun hits her just right, she’ll go up like a Jason Pierre Paul firework. Pass the hat for funeral expenses and bring out the next girl. Make sure the obit says she died doing what she loved.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Silvio Berlusconi Buoni Vino

By Matt July 10, 2015 @ 7:38 AM

Sylvio

Real life Batman villain Silvio Berlusconi was found guilty of corruption in a Naples court. It’s unclear why the prosecutors aren’t allowed to immediately restart their trial until attaining the desired outcome like with that hot American chick who was into rough trade. The jury ruled promptly after a six hour wine tasting followed by a trumpeted farting of the Italian national anthem. Berlusconi was bribing some politician to pull some Godfather shit, more than likely in the Connex of fourteen year old sex slaves he keeps on his villa. If this guy was anything but Italian he’d be widely considered a dangerous sociopath. As is, it’s just silly. Let this jovial tribe continue their state run media and rampant whoring on the international stage. Deep down we’re afraid to criticize for fear they’ll close the restaurants. Weren’t they Nazis or am I hallucinating? I just heard an Olive Garden shutter.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Kim Kardashian Thrown On Trash Heap

By Matt July 10, 2015 @ 7:11 AM

KK

Kim Kardashian did a photo shoot for some Euro trash website looking like a dead hooker who just got dumped out of the trunk of a Buick. It appears she has gone from having a fat ass to having a fat ass. Like she’s overweight. We’re talking 4’8″ 170. Her incredibly not gay husband is thrilled. We’ve all had that moment at the parent teacher conference while nodding to ourselves. It all makes sense now. Let’s assume all Kim Kardashian has going for her is her looks. She’s fucked. I’ve seen hotter ass in a Barstow Chili’s. In the kitchen. At closing time. On Christmas. Perhaps this signifies the end to an illustrious career of being a mute whore. Fill it in, boys! Kanye needs to hit the bath house.

Photo Credit: System-Magazine.com 

Ariana Grande Bio Hazard

By Matt July 10, 2015 @ 6:24 AM

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Wolfee Donuts, the puke floored establishment where Ariana Grande and her gender expansive boyfriend licked some donuts has failed a health inspection. Apparently authorities who peruse TMZ saw her donut licking video and busted the shop because you’re not supposed to have donuts out on the counter so that homeless dudes and diminutive whores can touch, lick, or jizz inside them as part of the filling. The shop has now been downgraded to a health code rating of B, which in Los Angeles means you’re under quarantine upon leaving. The shop is now pushing to have Grande charged with “Cross Contamination”, which the city district attorney usually reserves for ATM scenes in Chatsworth. If I were Wolfee I’d quit while I’m behind. The free publicity is cool for a while but at the end of the day we all know what’s in the custard. Also, I’d not like you viewing my antics on your house GoPro upon my leaving your establishment or selling my sticky boothed under the table hand job video to TMZ or the nearest German porn site. Grande. Extra cream. America.

Photo Credit: Youtube/TMZ

Charlotte McKinney Topless on Instagram

By Lex July 09, 2015 @ 1:53 PM

Charlotte-McKinney-Topless-on-Instagram

Depending on who you believe, Charlotte McKinney’s P.R. reps or Charlotte McKinney’s P.R. reps, somebody hacked her Instagram account and posted a nude photo of her. Which doesn’t actually explain how the hackers happened to have a nude selfie of Charlotte McKinney, but should you find one at the bus stop or left behind at the Supercuts, you’re going to want to hack into her Instagram account to post it ASAP.

The other possible explanation is that Charlotte got drunk and doesn’t much remember posting her pretty outstanding tits to her half million followers. She did write something in the caption about being hungover like crazy in the morning. Or that could be the MENSA hackers layering their ruse. Like the guys who managed to get a picture of Tyga’s dick sent to the tranny he was shtooping on the side. They pretended to be termite inspectors. Yes, we need to see your erect bare dick before we complete our rounds. I know it sounds funny. Hey what’s your Instagram password again?

Photo credit: Charlotte McKinney/Instagram

Tyga’s Tranny Squeeze Has a Point

By Lex July 09, 2015 @ 12:44 PM

Tyga's Trans Mistress Mia Isabella
Mia Isabelle, the tranny D-lister known for many things such as maybe having an affair with Tyga and having pictures of Tyga’s dick and placing fourth in her elementary school Spelling Bee, wants to know why in a post-Caitlin Jenner world everybody is so up in arms over the possibility she banged Tyga on the side:

It’s very sad that the idea of a man loving a trans person has to be considered a scandal when all people are equal — love always wins doesn’t it? I live in a world in my mind where everything is a fairy tale of love. Saddening to see small-minded thoughts travel so quickly like wildfire not knowing if its true or not. It’s like wave crashing over me washing over me to see masses of humanity rise with pitch forks blindly following.

Are we not all equal? Am I not an American with the right to love and live as I choose with whoever I choose? If a celebrated man loves a transgender woman or possibly did that’s news? It shouldn’t be news it should be normal for anyone and everyone to be allowed to love who they choose….

She goes on interchanging thoughts from Dr. King and LGBT themed Hallmark greeting cards. Isabella seems to miss the point that even if you’ve changed genders you’re not supposed to fuck other women’s men. But she also has a point that nobody would much give a shit about Tyga fucking around if she were a natural born woman with actual human hair eyebrows.

For his part, Tyga has called upon the FBI to find out how his dick pics got disseminated without his knowledge. After running down homegrown ISIS terrorists, this is probably tops on the agency’s list of to-do’s. Hey, FBI, it’s Tyga. Red alert. Fucktard.

Photo Credit: Instagram