Sumner Redstone Likes Him Some Sex

Vanity Fair claims that 92-year old Viacom chief and barely functioning billionaire Sumner Redstone maintains a stable of sex workers to handle his 92-year old sexual appetites.One girl received $5,000 a month on retainer.Another girl on the payroll, reported some sleight of hand in the bedroom: "The male nurse—identified...as Jeremy Jagiello—remained in the room with her and Redstone, directing me and telling me what...read more

Adele Twerks (VIDEO)

Adele twerked on stage. E! News wrote an article about it that reads like Seventeen Magazine fucked a YouTube personality. Adelatries to make it cute, but the only cute things over three-hundred pounds are baby elephants and Chris Farley, previously. Adele bounced on stage like aTeletubby but just fat where the TV screen goes: "I think I just twerked!I can't do it that well. My whole body has to move. Watch. My bum...read more

Chrissy Teigen And Audrina Patridge Pregnant Catting

There's this new thing where famous pregnant chicks are dressing sexy. It's spreading rapdily among the reality TV and social media model set. Chrissy Teigen and Audrina Patridge hold in common that fact that tons of men want to fuck them in the backs of conversion vans and nobody knows what they do for a real paycheck. Are you highlighting your gestating belly to honor Gaia or do you want me to finish there? I'm...read more

Kanye Pop Up Store Draws Deep

Kanye West opened a pop-up shop in Manhattandevoted to Life of Pablo music merchandise. Pop-up shop is a term coined by marketersafter Unhealthy Impulse Buyer Trapsgot nixed. For 72 hours only you could purchase everything there but the actual Life of Pablo album which is only available on Tidal, that music streaming service Jay Z convinced all of his buddies would make them even richer. Next up: copper mine stakes in...read more

Tyga Seems Spent

Tyga doesn't seem long for the world. The opportunisticfuckers at E! have already prepped a eulogy special. The Kardashians have their black crotchless panties and bustiers ready for shiva. Rappers under the national average height seem to go quickly. So do the ones with money troubles driving six-figure vehicles. Add in the buddies flashing guns in the back seat and you want to pick this guy in your fantasy death...read more

Amber Rose Rock Hard Tits And Shit Around The Web

People are divided as to whether or not Amber Rose is scary looking, or scary looking but what the fuck, look at those knockers. There are only two camps. But here are her hard rock-like bare tits anyway. (Egotastic All-Stars) India Westbrook shows off her tits in a mesh outfit. (Last Men On Earth) Midget Kim Kardashian is dead. (TMZ) Ashley Tisdale in a slinky swimsuit is a good thing. (Drunken Stepfather) I like my...read more

Mariah Carey No Touch

Mariah Carey's team has strictly warned VIP ticket buyers on her current British tour that you are not to touch Mariah Carey in any way when in her proximity. Easily excitable people who shell out three months of rent money get the chance to see Mariah smile and walk through a room and cure them of intestinal polyps with just her gaze. She may touch you if she wishes. She won't. Any man who's ever been to a strip club...read more

Kardashians In Disguise On Hollywood Tour

Three of the Kardashian sisters got made up in prosthetics so they'd be fat and ugly on the outside too and hopped on a Hollywood open top tour bus for a lark. Nobody recognized them. Isn't that crazy? They filmed the bit for their show mocking Middle Americans on those tour busses who pay to see the alleys where John Travolta does his missionary work with young boys. This is what happens when creatively blocked gay...read more

Hulkster Will Get Tons of Pennies on the Dollar

Terry Bollea made it clear during trial that Hulk Hogan is merely a character he portrays. Don't be confused by the do-rag both wear incessantly. A sympathetic Florida jury awarded Bollea $60 million in emotional damages and $55 million in economic damages against Gawker who had published without permission or any source confirmation a one minute excerpt of Bollea fucking his friend's wife on hidden camera. Gawker...read more

Madonna Titty Reveal Victim Is Seventeen, Also, Staged

That young chick Madonna pulled up on stage and talked about being super hot and filling her holes and then ripped her top off, turned out to staged. Josephine Georgiou is an aspiring model in Australia, which means she doesn't have the looks to be an actual model. Ms Georgiou said she was told she would get up, dance with Madonna, that Madonna would spank her, they would walk down the runway together, flip off the...read more

Microsoft Feels Shitty About Hiring Schoolgirl Dancers

The entire body Microsoft erupted with inclusiveness platitudes after a female game developer at an Xbox sponsored event took issue with dancing schoolgirls working the party. Dancing girls at industry events are clearly at the heart of misogyny in the video game culture. Ablow to progressive sensibilities after a few hours on Grand Theft Auto and BlackOps killing and fucking and kicking dogs to death. The head of...read more

Lena Dunham Lives

Lena Dunham announced that she's going to make a full recoveryfollowing ovarian cyst surgery. Reaction was mixed.Doctors went through her abdomen because there weren't straws short enough to draw forvaginal insertion duty. Every fifth Facebook Like to Dunham's surgery diarywins a laminated length of her ulcerated fallopian tube. You can't win if you don't enter. Dunham recovered just in time for her pro-Clinton...read more

Tyler Perry's Passion

Tyler Perry finally found the intersection in the Venn diagram of people who still pay to watch shit and don't have DVRs (black people) and Jesus freaks. Tyler Perry's Passion. No, not dad bods. Jesus to the cross. The live musical performance onFox was set in modern-day New Orleans, Jesus's favorite city. That's why he sent his best hurricane. The bold production included the Last Supper and the Crucifixion and Tyler...read more

Adam LaRoche School of Fathering and WNBA Whining on the Last Men on Earth Podcast #37 (AUDIO)

I wasn't around during WWII, but I bet people were riled up about far fewer things than today when everybody's personal problem becomes a social movement. There was a time when something that pissed off less than one percent of the population was considered unimportant. Now they're crusades picked up by a lazy TV media for a bored audience and elevated to crusades for college students to protest and politicians to...read more

Romee Strijd Sheer Lingerie

Victoria's Secret is positively cloning these blond chicks. Great looking, tall, slender, vaguely Flemish. Cloning will allow every man to afford a decent looking hooker. And rich men to strangle a few without repercussion. We need to pursue this technology. The bumps will be ugly. Barry Diller experimented with dogs. By next Spring he'll be room and boarding a dozen young Calvin Kleins. The genie's out of the bottle....read more