Dying MP's Are Shitty at Make a Wish

Canadian Parliament Member Mauril Belanger is declining rapidly from ALS, providing the perfect sentimental moment in the House for his colleagues to pass his long stagnated bill to make the National Anthem of Canada gender neutral. His bill would change the second line of the anthem from "in all thy sons command" to "in all of us command". Take note if you're attending a hockey match. Not that you knew the words...read more

Jessica Alba Planned Pokies

Jessica Alba will do anything to distract from the news stories about her Honest Company's sourcing product through the Axis Chemicals waste cauldron that produced The Joker. If you have to rub ice on your nipples to rescue your IPO, cowboy up and crack open the freezer.read more

Charlie Sheen Laments Sex Life

Charlie Sheen appears to be rebranding himself the new face of HIV. It can happen to anyone. Especially people who bareback gay prostitutes and fuck porn stars by the dozen. You banging gals from work in their vaginas not so much.read more

Kim Kardashian Calls Taylor Swift A Liar

Taylor Swift got on her Nazi feminist high horse because Kanye West mentioned her in one of his songs. For a chick who has fucked much of Hollywood she's quite the prude:read more

Alessandra Ambrosio Downward Facing Dog

While the feminist world is striving to be treated like men, minus the prostate cancer and ceaseless decades of work, they're being betrayed by their own gender naturally obsessed with celebrity, fashion, and looks. A quick search reveals that the last forty to infinity articles in female journals on Alessandra Ambrosio are about her figure, her hair, her clothes, or how cute her children look in designer outfits.read more

Alison Brie Is The Girl Of My Dreams And Shit Around The Web

I am in love with Alison Brie. It's more than just lust, I want to marry those titties and lock them down forever. She seems like she's freaky deaky in bed. It's just a feeling, but I think I'm right. If I'm wrong, that would suck. It's only a lifetime.read more

Aubrey Plaza Pistol Shrimps (VIDEO)

Aubrey Plaza and a bunch of other female celebrities who you've never heard of so not celebrities have a women's basketball league in West Hollywood. Unlike the WNBA, it's not subsidized heavily by the male version of the sport. Like the WNBA, nobody cares.read more

Howard Stern Giving Guns to the Sheep

People who assume politicians have solid reasoning and comedians are lightweight thinkers have no real understanding of the IQ differential between the two, in favor of the guys who don't hide their drinking and whoring. While elected representatives search for the perfect empty symbolism to appease the Facebook status updates of their constituents calling for a repeal of the 2nd Amendment, Howard Stern delivered a...read more

Farrah Abraham Empire Building

Farrah Abraham is quietly turning her fifteen minutes of teen pregnancy fame into a small empire of strip mall stores and online vagina molds that might just make her a wealthy woman. Abraham just opened a frozen yogurt shop in Texas, with her furniture store and children's clothing boutique prepping to open later this summer. It used to be that unwed mothers had to go live with their aunts out of state before moving...read more

Charlotte McKinney Won't Quit

The fact that a blond chick with giant tits and a tiny waist has to work this hard to get ahead speaks to the level of competition in the Does She Even Speak, Who the Hell Cares sector of the digital media sector. What used to earn you an older husband with substantial real estate holdings barely guarantees you more than a car show appearance in the social media age.read more

Women Must Now Register For The Draft

Starting in 2018 women will be required to register for the draft. This is exactly the type of equality we've all been looking for. If young men can be legally forced to participate in unjust wars, they should be on the front lines with young women. This is certainly more progressive than simply abolishing the draft.read more

Oscar Pistorius Does The Funky Chicken (VIDEO)

Oscar Pistorius wobbled around on his nubs during his murder sentencing trial in an attempt to show the judge he's going to have a hard time in prison. Should have thought about that when you were shooting your girlfriend through the bathroom door with hollow point bullets, a real pussy move that can be accomplished sitting on your ass.read more

Hot Valedictorian Illegals and Meg Ryan Madame Puppet Face in the Last Men on Earth Podcast #48 (AUDIO)

On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast we discuss the fucked up Meg Ryan face, dudes donating their sperm to lesbians in Target bathrooms, porn stars being tit punched, Valedictorians screeching about their illegal status, and celebrities making Orlando all about themselves. All the news that was unfit to print elsewhere because other news outlets are owned by Scientologists and Canadians.read more

Kim Kardashian Fuckable Posedown

Kim Kardashian was selected to cover GQ magazine's Love Sex and Madness edition wherein the periodical uses pre-screened responses from a celebrity's public relations representatives to provide relationship advice to their softly metrosexual readers. GQ promises this is Kim Kardashian as you've never seen her before. So clothes and no black dick in her ass.read more

Marloes Horst Shows Her Yum-Yums And Shit Around The Web

Marloes Horst is one of those supermodels that kind of looks like every other supermodel. Still, that supermodel just happens to be super fucking hot. And now she's topless.read more