Gisele Bundchen Still Earning

If you ever had a hint of being rich, sell women's clothing. It's the biggest legal market out there not involving digging deep into the earth's mantle. Unless you've got a big fucking shovel, sell pants to chicks.

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Fergie Goes Tits Large

Fergie got huge new cans. They're fairly spectacular. Like Clemens or Bonds ass injection marks at forty-one, assume Fergie just added three to four more big money years to her career. Worth noting, Clemens and Bonds were talented before the PEDs.

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Miko Grimes Is a Piece

NFL cornerback Brent Grimes has fashioned himself a nice ten year career as an undersized player out of a tiny college program. At some point Brent married a previously fired sports radio show host ten years his senior. Miko. She's a piece of work. Miko's the drunk sports bar fan with tons of opinions, only she has stadium access and a Twitter account.

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Khloe Gives Lamar The Boot

Khloe Kardashian has reportedly let the lease expire on a $25,000 a month house she was renting for Lamar Odom after finding a crack pipe on the premises. What's the big deal it's not like he's a soulless whore. Being a crackhead is not an especially healthy lifestyle but neither is being anorexic and contorting your organs in a corset every night or getting gang banged by No Limit Records.

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Lil Wayne Keeps Having Seizures

There's no free lunches in nature. Nobody knows what that means, it's just something assholes in Dockers say. What's certain is there's no free Codeine syrup. Wayne is attributing his recent spat of near death inducing seizures to the fact he has epilepsy. That may be true, but if you have eczema and slam a bunch of heroin, that abscess on your arm is probably drug related.

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Naked And Afraid Is Inexplicably Back

The Discovery show Naked and Afraid targets people too old to figure out how to watch girl fights on WorldStarHipHop. A dozen naked survivalists are dropped into the middle of Africa to try and last for forty days without any advanced provisions. So, what the locals have been doing well enough for several millennia before cameras and white people. The contestants are naked because that sounds cool even though basic...

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Brandi Glanville Denied

Basic cable reality show fame skews your view of your place in the world. That's how you end up swearing at a doorman in Hollywood where the Jenner girls and Taylor Swift hang out late night. The Nice Guy bouncer just scoffed at your Bravo network name drop. Andy Cohen's inside dispensing hummers in the gender inclusive bathroom. This makes no sense. Forty-three and D-list just struck you right in the face.

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Emily Ratajkowski Gives Us A Tit Peek And Shit Around The Web

Emily Ratajkowski continues to raise her profile by speaking out on women's equality and showing off her spectacular tits. It's impossible to say precisely how each factors into her popularity, but pencil in the spectacular tits for 99% plus or mine one percent.

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Scout Willis Flashes for Team Scout (VIDEO)

At any given time the Willis sisters are triple booked with projects, none of which are paid or have more than eleven viewers not including their mom blinking on nitrous. Rumer caught her break with Dancing with the Stars and is now working torch theater revues up and down the Oregon coast. Scout and Tallulah remain locked in a vicious cycle of not doing anything and subsequently nothing happening.

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The Stallone Girls in Bikinis

There are pluses and minuses to being seventy with a still attractive forty-something wife and three attractive teen daughters. Cialis and a chick in your bed who still looks good naked is a big something. But older guy muscle juice can't stop hordes of horny young men from circling the boat with Jet-Skis and hard-ons. "I got Sly's autograph!" has been replaced by "I fucked Sly's daughter". Nature is cruel. The...

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Toni Garrn in A Bikini

Every model who's done her time on the DiCaprio line charts a different path upon release. Some get a taste of the sweet life and simply can't go back. Toni Garnn dabbled in independence before realizing paying rent is for suckers.

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Hey, Fiona, Why So Blue? (VIDEO)

Reveling in their independence from the rest of Europe, a bunch of overweight English people launched headlong into a stupid crowd sourced art installation that only the French could love. Maybe just go back now. Your parents left you alone for the first weekend ever and you threw one shitty party.read more

I Wonder Who Won Wimbledon Again?

If you had money against the chick who has sixty percent more muscle mass than her closest competitor, don't bother searching for your ticket. Being the physically biggest, strongest, and fastest doesn't necessarily get you ahead in life, though in sports in turns out to be a sizable advantage.read more

Derek Jeter Herpes Circle Of Life

Derek Jeter allegedly has herpes according to anyone who's ever fucked him. The odds he's using a condom with his new bride Hannah Davis are zero. So, she now officially has herpes. That really knocks you down a few pegs, as does looking like a character from Avatar. She's still pretty hot in a fetal alcohol sort of way.read more

Taylor Swift Has An Admirer

The problem with stalking Taylor Swift is she'll only bang you for one magazine cover cycle, and then only if you're slightly outweighing her in popularity. To be fair fucking your stalker would garner a lot of headlines, and it was the plot of nearly every movie in the 90's. Some guy named Joseph Bernatche showed up at Taylor Swift's Rhode Island mansion and asked her to marry him. Who has a mansion in Rhode Island,...read more