Phoebe Price And Angelique Morgan Have a Plan

By Lex July 24, 2015 @ 8:19 AM

Phoebe Price And Angelique Morgan Flash Cameras
There’s nothing more quintessential Hollywood than aging attention whores flashing their tits at paparazzi not there for them. It’s like the ghosts of Christmas Present and Future arguing over whose wife is fatter. You’re fucking the same woman. These ladies aren’t dining at the expensive restaurants, they’re being informed that the shitters are only for paying customers, then exiting to the cameras with smiles like they just jumped off Ben Affleck’s cock. That last part being at least semi likely. There’s nowhere to hide when you’re forty and wearing a captain’s hat. The truth is staring you in the mirror right beneath a disabled placard. I wish Normal Rockwell were around to paint this.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Danica Patrick Limbers Up

By Matt July 24, 2015 @ 7:43 AM

patrick

Danica Patrick has been posting a ton of bikini pics on Instagram instead of practicing her driving. She is widely considered the worst driver on the NASCAR circuit and by far the most fuckable, although that honor would go to whatever token female corporate wants to stunt cast. For example, if Paris Hilton was a race car driver she’d be the hottest one. And she’s disgusting. Patrick is curiously one of the highest earners in the sport because nobody wants to see Dale Earnhardt’s ass crack outside of the guys wearing hats with his name on it. Yoga definitely helps in NASCAR training but not as much as smoking a pack of Marb Reds or having a wealthy father. She’s going to transition well into signing autographs at off the strip casinos. She sucks at her job but those babies are real. Fuck a restrictor plate we’re going balls out tonight.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Grandmaster Flash Bamboozled

By Matt July 24, 2015 @ 7:11 AM

Flash

Grandmaster Flash’s custom Dodge Charger was stolen from a parking garage in New York because some guy told the valet the car was his like in the movies. Then he drove away while high fiving himself. I’m surprised this doesn’t happen more often. Valet guys aren’t always the sharpest and on top of that really don’t give a shit. I can park my own car without you adjusting the seat and hermetically sealing your body odor into the dash panel. The simplest scams are tried and true. The dude who stole this car more than likely orders a water at Taco Bell and fills it with soda like a boss. It’s unclear how one could unload a custom built car but it could probably be chopped by guys wearing leather vests and no shirts in a dingy garage where sparks are flying around for no reason. Complicating things is the wormhole riddled reality that Grandmaster flash has been a DJ since the Ford Administration and is 42 years old. New York is a crazy city. Get to know the subway.

Photo Credit: Twitter 

Glory Johnson Craving The D

By Matt July 24, 2015 @ 6:19 AM

Glory

WNBA All Star and last person picked on the playground as long as dudes are around Brittney Griner apparently caught her wife of one month texting her ex boyfriend. This led to their divorce and most likely their Bloodsport barbecue brawl and some strap on makeup sex. Trader Joe’s has the best cucumbers. Glory Johnson will be drawing the wrath of lesbians across the Pacific Northwest who don’t care much for having one foot on the shore and the other in your wife’s cooter. Pretty much all of them are prone to going back to the dark side when their pheromones lead them to the wrong locker room. George Clooney either cures gay or exacerbates the problem depending on gender. I identify as a nubile cheerleader named Alexis. Please remove the handcuffs.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

I Am Cait Is Almost Here (VIDEO)

By Lex July 23, 2015 @ 12:30 PM

I-am-Cait-Premieres

It seems like just yesterday that ten million politically correct retards threw their arms in the air and exalted the birth of Caitlin Jenner. It was like the broken marriages and child abandonment and vehicular manslaughters and sexualization of young daughters never happened. Baptism in the river tranny. Vagina Dad’s new five million dollar pay day is set to launch with Caitlin filming herself verite in her bed discussing her fear of letting down transgendered teens on the brink of horrific outcomes. That is a burden Caitlin takes on for herself in between commercials and weaves. A deft segue into Caitlin showing off her closet full of fabulous clothes then offering Khloe a brontosaurus roast by way of reconciliation for turning into a more popular version of her makes up the rest of the show. There’s no reason to re-invent the wheel. Tranny teens are dying. What shade of lipstick is that again?

Charlie Riina Tits and Leather

By Lex July 23, 2015 @ 12:02 PM

Charlie Riina Nip Slip In Braless Open Jacket
People imagine if you visit Los Angeles there are ambitious chicks on every block flashing their big fake knockers for some dude with a camera and impossible to nail down ethnic descent. It’s only mostly true. And only in the daylight hours. By nightfall these girls are whisked away in black town cars to be the overly obvious dates for gay actors and studio executives. It’s not slavery if everybody smiles. The crucifix doesn’t bother me. Jesus understands you more than most.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Twits Make Peace And Shit Around The Web

By Jack July 23, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

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Everyone can relax, the worst tragedy of our time is over. Taylor Swift has apologized to Nicki Minaj for being such a self-centered cunt. Now we can all get on with our lives.

It’s like the Yalta agreement but dumb. (The Superficial)

Julia Lescova would like you to look at her bare naked tits. (Egotastic All-Stars)

Justin Bieber loves to gleam the cube. If you get that reference you are old. (TMZ)

Delilah Parillo is topless in Vogue Spain. (Drunken Stepfather)

This is Erika Wheaton and these are her titties. (Hollywood Tuna)

Kendall Jenner covers up her genital warts with lace panties. (Popoholic)

Attention lesbians! Cara Delevingne and St. Vincent broke up. (Dlisted)

Michelle Rodriguez Keeps Her Bitches Bare

By Lex July 23, 2015 @ 11:10 AM

Michelle Rodriguez And Jessica Stam See Through At Leonardo DiCaprio's Foundation Party
If I had to guess which of these models Michelle Rodriguez dug to the third knuckle last night, I’m selecting the Canadian blond chick she made go out in just her underwear. That’s a boss move. All the world’s best looking women showed in St. Tropez to raise money for Leonardo DiCaprio’s environmental foundation nobody would ever bother to audit. DiCaprio rents out a Riviera ballroom every year and shows a bunch of models how his cock feels better than rhino horn, spanks them on the ass and orders them to run off and tell the world. It’s not proven particularly effective in relation to saving rhinos, but you bang a dozen Victoria’s Secret models and tell me that’s not a successful charity.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet