By Lex December 03, 2013 @ 4:15 PM
If you’ve got nothing planned for this week’s paycheck, why not get yourself a Paris Hilton handbag. It’s perfect for the shingles-ridden socialite on the go. Fur lined pouches for keeping your Valaciclovir warm and secret compartments for stashing your cocaine guaranteed to get you past most European customs officials provided you fly private jet. It also has the word Rouge written on it both forward and backwards, which is some pretty advanced graphics that not just any preteen Indonesian factory girl can sew. Ask yourself this: what have I done lately to make Paris Hilton money? Exactly. Get on this shit.
Photo Credit: Paris Hilton/Instagram
By Lex December 03, 2013 @ 3:31 PM
Wheel of Fortune is such a long running TV staple it’s become untouchable. So fuck Paul Walker’s death if they want to run The Fast and The Furious as a movie title the Monday after Walker’s tragic car crash. Maybe not quite as bad as when they ran Haiyan as ‘Funny Typhoon Name’ last month or Sandy Hook as ‘Shut Down Elementary Schools’ they’re planning to run on the one-year anniversary of the Newtown massacre. The Wheel of Fortune folks apologized for the bad timing on Twitter, as did Pat Sajak. Despite the heartfelt apologies, the question remains — who the fuck is still watching Wheel of Fortune?
By Lex December 03, 2013 @ 2:37 PM
Jason Statham left his girlfriend alone for just five minutes and look what the hell happened. The dude hasn’t been more than six inches from Rosie Huntington-Whiteley since they started dating a couple years back. He’s forced his body to consume its own waste so that he’d never have to take a bathroom break from that permanent arm clamp he keeps around her neck like a truly confident bald man. Now he finally let his guard down and his girlfriend’s tit is hanging out in the cold London night. I bet he kicks a lot of Filipinos in the face for this.
Photo Credit: PCN
By Lex December 03, 2013 @ 1:42 PM
I’ve warned people before about the retaliation factor of Taylor Swift crazy teen fan online Fascists. Her virtual army of early anxiety medicated B-students take to the digital airwaves like Taylor’s own Praetorian Guard, beating down even the slightest naysayer. The latest victim is gap-toothed model Jessica Hart who had the vagina balls to say that Taylor Swift could never cut it as a Victoria’s Secret angel because she lacked the poise and confidence of a runway model. She didn’t even attack Taylor’s flat ass or fishy lips. It mattered not. The Taylor Swift World War Z infected army formed a psychotic human blockade around the Victoria’s Secret factories in the jungles of Southeast Asia, forcing the lingerie company to bend to their demands to fire Jessica Hart . If Taylor Swift and her minions aren’t stopped soon, they will eventually take over large swaths of this planet with their culturally retarded Caliphate. Taylor needs to be stowed away somewhere in the center of a planet or a prison dimension. Her followers should be forced outside to play sports and socially interact and other activities where they are likely to be humbled back into submissive pouting states. Until then, the reign of terror continues. Even hot girls will not be immune.
Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret
By Jack December 03, 2013 @ 1:18 PM
Spanish radio superstar Eddie “Piolin” Sotelo is suing six ex-employees for extortion after they threatened to go public with his disgusting behavior. For you gringo types out there, Piolin is one of the biggest syndicated radio hosts on U.S. Spanish language stations. Think Howard Stern but en Español. What did he do that was so bad? He would force his employees to watch him shit and piss into bottles on set, rub his erect dick on people, grab people’s genitals through their clothes, and generally act like a disgusting fuckhead. But rather than continuing to pay off the witnesses, Piolin sued the employees and doesn’t seem to care if his fans know the truth.
I always thought Piolin was an annoying chode. Whenever he’s on radio in a relative’s car or is playing at the Mexican supermarket I try to tune him out. Now when I hear his second rate shtick, I also get to imagine him ordering some chick to watch him drop a deuce in the toilet. I’m fine walking from now on.
By Travis December 03, 2013 @ 12:00 PM
While she isn’t doing much of anything that qualifies as actual work – unless you count trying to sue Nintendo because she thinks Bowser was based on her – Lindsay Lohan is really stepping her “sexy” selfie game on Instagram lately with shots like this one that she posted last night. I put sexy in quotation marks because I don’t particularly find grainy shots of a recovering addict chewing on her finger nails while looking like she kind of wants that last slice of pizza but doesn’t want to lose the space in her stomach for another Goose and Bull very sexy. But for all I know, you perverts think this is the Mona Lisa of cock teasing, so I want judge you too harshly.
By Travis December 03, 2013 @ 11:00 AM
While Charlie Sheen is taking a break from fighting with the Los Angeles child custody people by hanging out with his latest porn star girlfriend, Brett Rossi, in Cabo, he dropped a note to TMZ that explains how he felt when he discovered that his last trio of “Charlie’s Angels” porn stars (Celeste Star, Jayme Langford and Jana Jordan) was apparently just using him for his money, as they ran up the bills on his credit cards.
I know, I’m also completely shocked that three 20-something girls who have sex on camera for a living would have only wanted a 48-year old with a history of violent behavior for his money, but I guess that love is simply dead. Charlie’s written statement is about as mature and meaningless as you’d expect from him, but full of snappy one-liners that we can all use in our own custody battles this week.
Also, I’m pretty sure that he confesses murder.
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By Travis December 03, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
Model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley looked a little worse for the wear last night after the 2013 British Style Awards, as she returned to her hotel in her red and black pant suit that appears to have been inspired by the question, “What if Santa Claus had a really hot assistant who climbs down your chimney and distracts parents by telling them to look at her cleavage so he can put presents under the tree?” I’m not sure if Rosie won anything at the BSAs, but based on this outfit and my love of side boob, I’m just going to say that she won every award and all of the other women in attendance cried and are starving themselves a little harder today.
Photo Credits: Will Alexander/WENN.com