There’s something quietly poetic in stripping off your clothes while bemoaning how men see you as an object. This Australian model has been railing against gender bias and misogyny for a few years now by way of getting naked in photos and videos. It’s a convenient tactic if you’re a good looking woman with plenty of free time for Soul Cycle. Fat chicks are kind of screwed in this particular protest model. Who will stand for the good looking women with the nice tits? God cursed you with perfect genes. Don’t let him get away with it. I mean, her. What time do you go on again?
Khloe Kardashian got staph infection at Lamar’s bedside according to TMZ sources which still smell like Kris Jenner’s anal rim eau de toilette. The breathless announcement has nothing to do with Charlie Sheen confessing he has the pre-AIDS and winning every gossip headline. Khloe’s deadly diagnosis should serve as a reminder how selfless the Big One has been while nursing Lamar through his bout with hooker coma. Also that her book, Eat Like a Cow, Act Like a Lady, is still for sales wherever dumb people buy books. Press conferences to commence at 2pm and 7pm, followed by Khloe reading a chapter from her book through an endotracheal tube for no medical reason. See you on the other side, Khloe. The salad bar stations in heaven are all chocolate pudding.
Everybody is responding to the tragedy in Paris with the first meaningless gesture that comes mind. This Muslim guy in France had a plan to show Parisians that not all Muslims are terrorists, even though nobody ever said that or anything close to that. It’s a red herring thrown out there by people who refuse to state that the terrorists are Muslim. Like your jerky friend, or the President.
The plan was simple. Blindfold yourself in the center square of Paris where mourners had gathered and invite strangers to hug you if they believe you are not a terrorist simply because you’re Muslim. The plan was perfectly French as it lacked any sort of impact or hygiene. Lots of women cried and gay Parisian men such as they are able to be identified hugged themselves a muscular young blindfolded Muslim dude. Had he been wearing a suicide bomb, I would’ve had to give him props for being one smart fucking jihadist. When the demonstration was done, everybody agreed that Paris was healed, though it was still prudent to arrest or deport every single French dude with a beard who admitted to eating hummus at least once in the past week.
Kendall Jenner and Kylie Jenner were in Australia to celebrate the one millionth man in that country tugging one out thinking about fucking them both over a couch dirty with pet hair. Some woman started screaming and throwing eggs at the sisters but she threw like a chick and completely missed. Police tackled the woman, because the response time on Kardashian threats is several times faster than that for jihadi gunmen. The assailant was later forced to look at pictures of Kris Jenner’s untreated vagina before a koala bear scratched her eyes out so it would be the last thing she ever saw. The Australians don’t fuck around when whore dignitaries come to visit.
The Kardashians still blame Rita Ora for breaking Rob Kardashian’s heart and turning him into a fat hapless fuck. This as opposed to driving his father to an early grave and making Rob watch his mom and sisters fuck for money. Or choosing sock designer as his reality show through line. A fragile kid can only take so much emasculation.
She cheated on me with nearly 20 dudes while we were together, I wonder how many she will sleep with now that we are apart? But I mean 20?!!! How can a woman who is so busy trying to start her own career have time to be with so many dudes all while in a relationship?!
I’m no time management expert, but I’d suggest there’s always time for fucking people who don’t cry so much in bed. Something to ponder over a tall bag of Doritos while filling in Lamar bedside on things that have happened since the Bush Administration.
It’s just so ingrained in us, the idea that we should take up the right amount of space, literally and figuratively. I’ve wrestled with this my whole life, as just a person in the world and as somebody who makes images. It’s OK to want to look and feel your best. It’s OK to work at being attractive, whatever that means to you. And it’s also OK to not expect to be defined by that. It’s OK to be powerful in every way: to be big, to take up space. To breathe and thrive.
Re-read that yourself, Claire Danes and please admit it sounds like a guy explaining to his girlfriend why he has a room charge from a local hotel on his credit card statement.
It can’t possibly fly over the head of every woman in Hollywood that it is the female fashion and looks culture, run by women for women, that is leading women to feel ashamed of their bodies. This mythology about a few virgin teen trolls on Twitter disabling a confident woman’s self-esteem is bullshit. Also, totally optional. Get off Twitter. Good luck when you tell your publicist you no longer want to appear in Vogue, Allure, Glamour, or Seventeen. I read ESPN the magazine and I don’t feel a bit concerned about how fat my ass looks in slacks. Not everybody has the will power to refuse sustenance like Claire Danes. Also, Bartolo Colon still gets paid millions to pitch in World Series.
Rose McGowan joined the chorus of truly lonely people angered by Caitlyn Jenner winning Glamour Woman of the Year Award, but not for the reason you might think. Or for any reason that makes sense to somebody not perpetually experiencing the pain of their born gender. McGowan, who has perfected the art of wearing tight tops then chastising everybody who stares at her tits, took exception with Caitlyn stating that the hardest part about being a woman was knowing what to wear. McGowan responded in menstrual blood on her Facebook account:
Caitlyn Jenner you do not understand what being a woman is about at all. You want to be a woman and stand with us- well learn us. We are more than deciding what to wear. We are more than the stereotypes foisted upon us by people like you. You’re a woman now? Well fucking learn that we have had a VERY different experience than your life of male privilege. Woman of the year? No, not until you wake up and join the fight. Being a woman comes with a lot of baggage. The weight of unequal history. You’d do well to learn it. You’d do well to wake up. Woman of the year? Not by a long fucking shot.
Don’t you see, Bruce. Having tits and designer gowns doesn’t make you a woman. It’s the common suffering of your vagina ancestors that makes you Gaia. You didn’t land on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock landed on you. Wait. You’ll never get the Han Solo gig. That’s for men. Feel that fucking pain, bury it deep inside, hate your tits for keeping you down. Then come back and tell me why you deserve to be the poster child for a magazine that promotes anorexia and feelings of inadequacy among women. You don’t. This is no country for old women, Caitlyn.