Kylie Jenner Braless Mating

By Lex November 13, 2015 @ 1:09 PM

Kylie Jenner Braless Cleavage Out To Dinner With Tyga
There’s a sign right next to Kylie Jenner’s head in this photo that indicates where she’d be working in a meritocracy. Thanks, here’s your change. I don’t know what my tits would look like with Turtle wax on them. You got another twenty? Kylie hit the rare jackpot where having a big rack and the mind of a twig doesn’t limit your future to stripping or Latina appointed government official. Fuck you, it’s Friday.

Kylie and her rapper boyfriend took her exposed jugs out to dinner. The procession was akin to some kind of awkward ceremony where teens in destitute Slavic nation are forced to breed early because of war losses. Kylie kept grabbing at her breasts nervously like when you feel your wallet might be falling out of your pocket. Interracial barely legal porn isn’t what it used to be. Where do I go to get my unlimited bandwidth back?

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Kim Zolciak And Daughters In Bikinis

By Lex November 13, 2015 @ 12:30 PM

Kim Zolciak And Daughters In Bikinis
As a seventeen year old Kim Zolciak banged a forty-five year old police sergeant interviewing her as part of an investigation. She has a nursing degree her nursing college can’t seem to corroborate. She’s made six kids by different men, one of whom went to jail for molesting underaged girls. She married a football player to earn her a Real Housewives gig and she just had a stroke at 37 that may or may not be related to the crossroads of mother’s little helpers and eating disorders. All boxes checked for modern reality TV star. All but one. Teen daughters in bikinis in selfies. Don’t fall into the same trap as your mother, girls. Just kidding, way too late. This is your America.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Pam Anderson Hep C Free Vag Is Back And Shit Around The Web

By Jack November 13, 2015 @ 12:00 PM


Pamela Anderson is taking her shiny new liver out for a spin and partying hard. If you bang her hard enough, I bet you can still shake loose some old Hep.

She looks like a stripper granny. (TMZ)

Maite Perroni poses in lingerie with Star Wars stormtroopers. (Last Men On Earth)

Candice Swanepoel in a thong makes my heart go pitter pat. (The Superficial)

Karla Souza bikinis in the pages of GQ Mexico. (Drunken Stepfather)

Angelina Jolie is annoying but her titties are not. (Egotastic All-Stars)

These girls do interesting things with their tongues. (The Chive)

Meredith Hennesy’s no bra cleavage will make you smile. (Hollywood Tuna)

Miley Cyrus Nude With Strap On for Uncle Terry

By Lex November 13, 2015 @ 11:20 AM

Miley Cyrus Nude With Strap On For Candy Magazine
Is it too much to call Miley Cyrus the Rosa Parks of marmoset faced sexuality? It’s hard not to find some level of admiration for Hannah Montana growing up into the poster child for mainstream pornography. Good girls are inherently boring. Chicks with strap ons who urge Terry Richardson to cover them with cum and decent lighting pen more interesting memoirs. She’s not sitting in a North Face tent on center campus demanding free tuition and Valtrex. I’m inspired to write her a nice Yelp review. Her pussy her choice. What are the options again? Get on the bus.

Photo Credit: Terry Richardson For Candy Magazine

Cosby Loses His Honorary Degree

By Lex November 13, 2015 @ 10:35 AM


Drexel University rescinded their honorary degree to Bill Cosby because Cosby no longer embodied the values and high mindedness of people to whom you arbitrarily grant fake degrees. Also, he had a shitload of overdue library books. Drexel cited the release of sworn testimony by Cosby that he picked up roofies for use in making his dates go better. Before that deposition, it was just 100 women claiming Dr. Huxtable liked to knock them out and spooge on their lifeless corpse like bodies. You can’t demand your plaque back on that flimsy evidence.

Cosby has a dozen or more of these honorary college degrees. Perhaps it’s time for these colleges to only pass out degrees to students who complete their school work and face a future of working at Red Lobster and moving back in with their parents. Less so to people with successful sitcoms. Nobody’s going to fault you if some art history major down the road turns out to be a rage killer. Ted Bundy isn’t described as University of Washington serial killer Ted Bundy. They only announce your alma mater at your arrests if you play in the NFL. It used to mean something to be a Drexel graduate. Like you got into your safety school.

Lindsay Lohan Suffers From Coincidence

By Lex November 13, 2015 @ 9:14 AM


Lindsay Lohan posted a photo of herself in 60′s garb on Instagram citing her love of Sharon Tate. Tate being the ingenue actress who Charles Manson family members stabbed to death while eight months pregnant in her home. Lohan posted the photo yesterday on Charles Manson’s birthday which Lohan defenders are claiming is purely unfortunate coincidence. Sort of the way her mom coincidentally borrowed the one purse where Lindsay keeps her stash. It’s hard to know what’s more unbelievable. That Lohan randomly selected to homage a rarely mentioned 60′s murdered actress on the birthday of that actress’ world famous murderer, or that she has defenders. When Lohan posts her I Love Nicole Brown get up on O.J.’s birthday, I’m calling bullshit. Wet brain is a valid medical condition, but it doesn’t explain that double chin.

Kardashian Rapid Whore Response Team Targets Rebel Wilson

By Lex November 13, 2015 @ 7:20 AM


It’s been documented by people with lots of free time how Kris Jenner and her team have gone after unfriendlies in the media, targeting their jobs, their reputations, and killing some with Armenian neckties, which I think are just neckties with massive gold highlights. Rebel Wilson claims the Kardashian machine is out to smear her since she made some off-hand comment on Australian TV about the Kardashians being no talent whores. I’m paraphrasing. She said it like everybody else said it, reflexively, it slips out during first thing that comes to your mind games.

Oprah Winfrey stood up for the Kardashians declaring that it’s not easy faking the shit out of a reality show. Oprah mentioned how the Kardashians work 12-14 hours a day fabricating shit on camera to make it look real. I’m not sure Oprah understands the meat of Wilson’s argument. But she understands starving yourself for the cameras. Something Rebel Wilson rejects ipso facto. People are tribal by nature. Bulimics to the left. Enter Khloe, looking troubled. Cut.

Photo credit: Getty Images

The Big Gay Quiz and 50 Cents Bunghole Explored on The Last Men on Earth Podcast #25 (AUDIO)

By Lex November 12, 2015 @ 2:22 PM

I waited some amount of time before whipping out my Big Gay Quiz on Matt. You know, you suspect your buddy might be hiding something and sometimes a random quiz is the only way to find out the truth. Not that it matters, unless you shower together and you let him soap your nuts. That’s the time you want some assurance you’re both straight. Take the quiz for yourself in the podcast and see how you score.

This week’s podcast featured special in-studio guest Jeff Richards of SNL and MadTV chiming in on such subjects as why Hollywood women claim kinship with third world women problems and how rappers have completely lost their ability to meaningful comebacks and revenge. It’s all in there, like a British meat pie. Don’t ask what is that nasty thing that looks a quarter moon bit of cartilage. Just fucking eat.

Be sure to follow the show on TwitterFacebook, and on the Also hit us up on iTunes.  Starbucks Christmas Jesus is watching.