By Travis March 06, 2014 @ 11:00 AM
Because she writes it on Instagram for her millions of idiot fans, Jennifer Lopez really wants you to believe that she’s still just “Jenny from the block” and not a spoiled, arrogant diva clinging to the last few minutes of fame in her already tired career. After all, she’s still the same girl dating the same guy who is half her age, while wearing shoes that a European prostitute would put on if she needed to reach a really high cabinet. If you doubt that the love between Jennifer and Casper Smart is true and strong, then they sure showed all of us yesterday, as they held hands while leaving the Power 106 studios in Los Angeles. Minutes later, she’d tell him to fuck off and stay behind her with the rest of the lesser life forms, but for a few whole seconds, theirs was the most beautiful love in the world.
Photo Credits: WENN.com
By Travis March 06, 2014 @ 10:00 AM
All the virgin sacrifices and Illuminati pagan blood rituals in the world can’t change the fact that Jay Z isn’t the young man that he used to be, which is probably why he looked a little tired and grumpy last night after hanging out at the Arts Club in London. Beyonce, on the other hand, looked ready to party even as they left, which is amazing considering she had also performed earlier that night. It just goes to show that when you’re two of the wealthiest people in show business, a good night’s sleep and a full diet of stem cells and placenta milkshakes will keep you looking young and rejuvenated while the rest of us poor assholes die in the streets as they step over our diseased corpses.
Photo Credits: WENN.com
By colin March 06, 2014 @ 9:48 AM
Katy Perry knows this cheeky sexualized pop star act is just a bit. You do the Kissed a Girl thing and get half naked in your music videos because it sells records. Then you go home and slap on your fat girl sweatpants eat a pound of olive loaf while watching Hoda and Kathie Lee. Miley Cyrus hasn’t unplugged from The Matrix just yet. She believes she’s the tip of the spear of a female sexual revolution like every teen girl does when she moves out of her parents house and starts to get laid. Katy Perry says when she moved in for the staged peck with Miley in concert, the rabid platypus started shoving her tongue down Katy’s throat like she was her biker lady on a conjugal. Katy pulled away in bacteriological horror:
“God knows where that tongue has been. We don’t know, that tongue is so infamous.”
Excellent point, Katy. Though we’re pretty sure it hasn’t been enveloping the dick of one of the most prodigious pussy slayers in Hollywood like yours has. So quit being such a priss and accept Miley’s tongue down your throat and her finger up your twat if she’s choosing to bless you today with feeling like a real woman. You’re her bitch now. That’s Tennessee law. The next time, she won’t be asking for your opinion.
By Lex March 05, 2014 @ 5:25 PM
I guess when you’re 28, you’re a couple standard deviations outside the target range for a classic R. Kelly wet rape. That or looking like Lady Gaga seems to give you a free pass for steamy sexualized videos with Kelly without fear of him whipping out the video camera and urging you not to tell your mom anything if you still want that gold bracelet. At some point, you might think women would stop agreeing to be party to these kinds of photos with a guy who likes underaged girls with the full passion of his being, but, fat paychecks do help those annoying moral equivocations solve themselves but quickly.
Photo Credit: V Magazine
By Lex March 05, 2014 @ 4:10 PM
You may recall Carmen Ortega as the model who tried to get somebody famous in professional sports to knock her up before she gets old and unwanted. That narrows the list of part-time models in Miami down. She’s also the girl who got to know the true Justin Bieber by having a heart to heart talk with him in the backroom of a strip club in Florida. Jesus does find you in the silliest places. Arriving quickly at Plan C, Carmen is starting to take off more clothes in magazines like Alwayz Therro. You can go ahead and mock the magazine name yourself. You can’t knock Carmen’s thoughtful strategizing. Maybe LeBron won’t be calling back and you can bet Justin Bieber won’t remember your tits from the others he’s sucked on with his buddies, but pictures of yourself taking your clothes off is like pepper to medieval Europe or drug and disease free hummers at a David Geffen beach party, it’s currency.
Photo Credit: Always Therro Magazine
By Lex March 05, 2014 @ 3:19 PM
I’m not sure why this Taylor Momsen chick keeps painting arrows on her tits but I’m going to go ahead and just guess that her music is awful. It took me a while to figure out why Miley Cyrus kept flashing her skank and why Rihanna will bust out her nipples for a rusty nickel. Aretha Franklin never needed to show your her cooch to sell a ticket, but if she threatened, you’d probably buy out a section. If anything in here suggests I’m not in favor of good looking women with limited talent showing off their tits to be popular, then you’ve misread me.
Photo Credit: Yosaku Magazine
By Jack March 05, 2014 @ 2:30 PM
The judge in Justin Bieber’s Florida DUI case will allow police surveillance video of Bieber in jail to be released with one catch: his dong has to be blacked out. You’ll recall that the lesbian hobbit was arrested a while back for drag racing and driving while fucked up on anxiety meds and weed. The footage in question is of the fun times had inside the jail the night of the arrest. The objectionable part of the video occurs when Bieber has to take a piss test to assess what shit he was on. His lawyers said that to release the tapes unedited was a violation of the miniature weasel’s privacy. Florida is big into freedom of information so the tapes must be released if requested. The compromise was to edit in a black bar around his junk. While this may ignite the fury of millions of chubby pederastic moms with visions of cougar-cubbing this petite diva, I’d like to thank the makers of cloaking black bars everywhere for once again saving the rest of us from having to see unwanted man junk, even of the smallish variety.
By Lex March 05, 2014 @ 1:47 PM
Pam Anderson has made the classic mistake of thinking that people will love her even more if she eliminates the few things people love about her. Or, maybe she’s just decided to start loving herself, which is great. This would explain why she’s remarried Rick Salomon, the steadily unemployed Paris Hilton banging filmmaker she previously married in Vegas for about an hour. He’s a catch. She also shorn her hair to model Mia Farrow and Anne Heche during their particularly crazy years. It’s all coming together in one giant I’m-finally-starting-to-love-myself cuckoo’s nest for Pam. She’s even wearing underwear now to let you know she listened to her mom’s advice about having a clean pair because you never know when you’ll be hit by the bus dispatched to take you to the asylum.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, FameFlynet