Anne Hathaway Nip Slip for The Intern

By Lex September 22, 2015 @ 12:32 PM

Anne Hathaway NipSlip For Premiere Of The Intern
For all the animosity toward her high maintenance Bohemian artist shtick, Anne Hathaway does movie premieres well. At Les Miserables she flashed her bare vagina. For The Intern, you get a nipple. Maybe she thinks less of this film. There’s no singing. Twice a year she likes to remind everybody they’d lie and say how smart and amazing she is just for the chance to fuck her. She understands how the business used to work. Respect.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Sean Penn Tizzy Fit And Shit Around The Web

By Jack September 22, 2015 @ 12:00 PM


Leathery purse face Sean Penn is threatening to sue Lee Daniels for reminding everyone that he used to beat up women. He was accused of hitting Madonna back in the 1880′s when they were married. I guess being a wife beater doesn’t jive with his self-created messiah image.

Read all about Sean’s latest tirade. (Dlisted)

Monica Sims topless will make your friggin’ week. (Egotastic All-Stars)

Kylie Jenner apparently went all Gossip Girl on a chick over mouth-breather Jaden Smith. (TMZ)

Selena Gomez sports a bikini because it’s a Tuesday. (Drunken Stepfather)

Wearing bras are for the small tittied. (The Chive)

Bella Thorne wears some TIGHT jeans and a crop top. (Popoholic)

Adriana Lima has herself a sexy photo shoot for Elle Magazine. (COED)

Down Goes Sting (VIDEO)

By Lex September 22, 2015 @ 8:54 AM

Professional wrestling is the fake sport with the real injuries, maiming, and death. It’s that sort of completely idiotic combination that has made the sport wildly popular among teenagers and grown men who drink twelve-packs of watered down beer because repeated pissing is part of the entertainment schedule.

WWE champion Seth Rollins needs to work on his in-ring pretend combat moves because he keeps injuring his opponents above the modest hematomas and lacerations called for in the Code of Conduct. Dude, you’re supposed to hit me in the abdomen, not the kidney, and the chair goes to the front of the head, not the temple where I die suddenly from stroke complications. Over the weekend Rollins launched the forever wrestling Sting into the turnbuckle causing the ancient grappler’s head to snap back and do some significant and career ending spinal damage. Not for nothing but Tom Cruise does his own stunts and looks like a million damn secretly gay dollars. Hone your craft, Rollins. These are actors who need to have working backs to slaughter their families in murder suicide travesties post-retirement. He’s going to let you win. We all read the script.

Germans Diddled Their Diesels

By Lex September 22, 2015 @ 8:01 AM


Volkswagen figured out how to beat the intense new diesel engine emissions standards of the U.S. and California in particular. They installed smart software on eleven million VW and Audi engines that sensed when they were being tested for emissions and would lower the nitrogen oxide gas outputs before returning to the higher pollution levels required to meet their heavily promoted higher than average gas mileage. It’s disturbing in its genius. Until you get caught, silly Germans. Then you have to confess. Then we have to hold trials and hang a bunch of you before it happens all over again. The head of VW apologized on behalf of heartfelt multinational CEOs everywhere:

So let’s be clear, our company was dishonest with the EPA, with the California Air Resources Board, and with you. In my German words, we totally screwed up. We must fix those cars, and prevent this from ever happening again.

This is the worst boyfriend apology ever. I fucked your sister and I’m sorry. It won’t ever happen again, not including the times you’re out of town and she comes over drunk and horny. I’m good with the apology. If you’re not cheating, you’re not really trying. The Germans make a few genocidal blunders here and there, but they’re efficient motherfuckers.  Germany should conquer California and lets see if the roads don’t finally get fixed. I could learn something other than the Spanish that has gotten me no more than the proper order at a taqueria.

Photo credit: Getty Images

Salma Hayek Empowering Women Through Decent Toilets

By Lex September 21, 2015 @ 12:17 PM

Salma Hayek Chesty In Magazine Evening Standard
Since joining social media just this year, Salma Hayek has focused her attention on doing good for the world by way of call to action Tweets. It’s not an easy job, but it’s how Jesus would be attending to the needy if he didn’t necessarily want to leave his yacht parked off the coast of Cannes.

Hayek’s latest push is for WASH, an acronym international organizations use to describe politely getting third world people to stop drinking poo water out of the Port-A-Potty basins. If you’re not fortunate enough to have amazing tits and marry the billionaire who owns Gucci and Yves Saint Laurent, potable water might not just come to your table with a cucumber slice and giggle filled bubbles. You’re going to need to ask somebody to help you dig a decent ditch separate but equal to the shit ditch running down your village main street. Hayek is here to help.

She’s endorsing Global Citizen, an organization which gives you points for re-Tweeting important social and political messages and enters you into sweepstakes to win concert tickets or get into Twitter heaven when the time comes. The Peace Corps is passé. Think of how much good you can do retweeting Salma Hayek. If we could do Vietnam War protests all over again, we’d be hitting send at Starbucks while earning cool prizes. Why does my latte suddenly taste like human waste? Your fault for not trying harder.

Photo Credit: Evening Standard

Lindsay Lohan’s Freckly Nips And Shit Around The Web

By Jack September 21, 2015 @ 12:00 PM


There was a time when Lindsay Lohan was considered desirable. She was probably underaged then now that I think about it. Now she looks like a freckled purse with tits. So, you’d still do here, you just wouldn’t brag to your friends.

Look upon her nipples if you dare. (Drunken Stepfather)

Marcela Vivian sports some see-through lingerie. (Last Men On Earth)

Behold Julia Nobis’ naked titties. (Egotastic All-Stars)

Rose McGowan’s partly naked music video for Rm486 is bonkers. (TMZ)

Your mom’s favorite sleazy author, Jackie Collins, died. (Dlisted)

Jennifer Lopez is cleavy is as fuck. (Popoholic)

Let’s start the week off right with thigh gaps. (The Chive)

Catherine Giudici in A Bikini

By Lex September 21, 2015 @ 10:50 AM

Former Bachelor  winner Catherine Giudici paddleboarding bikini in Hawaii
This chick won the completely contrived Bachelor TV show and then got really married to the bachelor. It must be confusing to be involved in for-production charades and getting so lost down the rabbit hole you accept it as your reality. It’s like going to the movies and running up and humping the screen when your favorite actress appears. Yes, figuratively you did just fuck Margot Robbie. No, I’m not high-fiving you, bro. Changing the name from reality TV to My Uncle Touched Me and I Really Need To Escape Into This Existence would provide more context for the participants. Look at me. I’m on TV. Now I’m famous. Now I’m married. Now I’m divorced. What do you mean I no longer have can get a table at Koo Koo Roo? Drugs seem interesting. A positive is good on an AIDS test, right? Or is this like golf where you want a bad score?

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Lena Dunham Not on the Market

By Lex September 21, 2015 @ 9:44 AM


Lena Dunham cleared up Internet rumors that she was breaking up with her boyfriend before any more of her sycophantic fans tried drown their grossly symbiotic sorrows in gams of Fudgie the Whales. When she suffers, they suffer. It’s like E.T. and Elliot if both were pre-diabetic and high on Charleston Chews. The breakup rumors began when the world’s most narcissistic BBW posted messages to Instagram intimating she was suffering an emotional heartache and questioning her relationships. But it turns out she was just breaking up with gluten again.

No, no. Believe it or not, ladies can have anxiety and troubles that aren’t about getting dumped.

Even in her heartache Lena Dunham has something to teach men about women. She’s a giver. The engorged on self-love actress suffers the fate of many women that are with men who used to date much hotter women and could probably do so again. Why is he even with me? Is he thinking of her when I smother him with my greasy labial folds? How much caramel does it take to make these feelings stop? You can’t envy, Lena Dunham. Not when the Japanese are still coveting her fat for their stews.