Paris Hilton has confessed that she believed in Santa Claus until she was 17 years old. She said she always treasured the Christmas holidays, until somebody shattered her childhood illusions by telling her there is no such thing as Santa. “A mean person told me it wasn’t true,” she really, really did say. Ever the survivor, she still celebrates Christmas. At least the part where you give her stuff, and this year items on her wish list include a Bentley convertible and a pair of 150,000 dollar diamond earrings.
Paris Hilton is so completely punchable for so many reasons. 5 or 6 in this article alone. If she had to spend one day outside of her fantasy kingdom, it would be like taking a caveman to the movies. She’d be so completely blown away, she would just bounce up and down on her seat, screaming and throwing her urine, eventually ending up in a clear room with just a tire swing to play on.
The New York Daily News said Sunday that Britney Spears has “blossomed into a mother whose dedication has impressed her critics”, including respected pediatric experts like In Touch magazine and Us Weekly.
“She is no longer the wild child we saw before she gave birth” said an editor at Us Weekly magazine. “It’s like she has always wanted to be a mom, and she found the role that she was born to play.”
“She has wholeheartedly transformed from being a child herself, a rebel who was wild and unruly, to be a fantastic mother,” said a senior editor at In Touch. “You can see that she has really settled down into family life. She has become an extremely responsible mother who is devoted to her child.”
I don’t know if they still put babies in baskets on rivers so fate can decide who raises the thing, but this would be an awesome time to find out. Britney doesn’t live near a river, so maybe just tie some weather balloons to the crib and let destiny take over. Forget about raising a human being, Britney Spears shouldn’t be allowed to raise a cactus. I wouldn’t let her take care of my turtle for the weekend. If I did, I would mark my turtle in someway before hand, and then rub the shell when I got it back to make sure she wasn’t trying to pass off a rock she painted cause my turtle got drunk or high or electrocuted or eaten or - more than likely - all of those things. “Oh ma gawd, we accidently ate da turtle.”
Like all “extremely responsible mothers”, Britney had to look into her babies eyes one day and ask herself if she should leave the infant with the nannies and have her belly button pierced in New York. And Britney decided, yes, yes I should. Cause it’s the right thing to do. It’s what responsible mothers do. She really is a hero!
Usher is in love: RnB superstar Usher is said to be so smitten with Rachel McAdams after seeing her in the Notebook, he is saying he would love to work with her, and even has a project in mind.
“She has such great energy on camera, it’s ridiculous - it just pops off the screen. I’d love to do a period piece with her.”
I’m not positive Usher has really thought this all the way through. A period piece about an interracial couple might not end the way he’s hoping. For him. Unless he means a future period, where the world has healed its racial divide and theres one global government and we all wear jumpsuits and none of the doors have hinges.
Jennifer Ellison is desperate: the Sun UK says that model Jennifer Ellison dreams of playing a Hollywood prostitute like the one Julia Roberts played in Pretty Woman and is so desperate to become a hit in America she would strip down and go naked for the part if it would advance her career.
“Look at Sharon Stone - it worked for her, so you never know.”
Yeah, it really did work for Sharon Stone, huh. Star of that one movie 40 years ago. And all she had to do was spread her legs 6 inches from a camera. I get the feeling Jennifer Ellison has been on the losing end of a roofie more than once.
see Jenn
Just to be clear, I don’t actually have the pictures of April Scott in the new Maxim. Despite my deceptive headline. She has them on her website, so you should go there to see them, since there’s no reason in the world to ever buy a copy of Maxim. Which is weird cause Maxim used to be unbelievably great. Now it’s just painfully unfunny hippie rambling where half the articles are about the goofball fatass writers. Their last two covers have been Nicolette Sheridan and Cindy Crawford. Which would be awesome if this was 1989 or if I was in AARP.
But they did do a profile on April Scott, which is as good a reason as any to fill some space on a weekend and post the interview I did with her last June. It’s pretty clear that her relationship with me was like a rocketship to stardom, because shortly after that she signed with Mariah Careys manager and landed a five-picture deal, including a role in Mission Impossible 3. Is it lazy to post an interview I did six months ago and pretend that I actually did something today? Sure, you bet it is. But here I am, not caring.
More pictures and the April Scott interview after the jump.
Just a quick note to everyone reading this outside of the United Sates: first of all, my condolences. I
For whatever reason, the trailer for Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Mans Chest is still being kept under wraps. Which is weird cause word is that Disney finished it almost a month ago. But this bootleg copy showed up yesterday on a Russian web site for about 10 seconds until it was ripped down because of a reason that was written in Russian. The color is pretty washed out and the sound is ungreat, but it’s still worth watching if you love clips from ghost pirate movies set to stirring music. But no matter how many times you watch it, Ben Affleck is just not gonna be there. Sorry. Too bad, too. That guy just can’t make a bad movie.
see the bootleg copy of Dead Mans Chest here.
This is the first I’ve heard of any trouble in the marriage of Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey, but late last night an official announcement was made and the two are separating.
“After three years of marriage, and careful thought and consideration, we have decided to part ways. This is the mutual decision of two people with an enormous amount of respect and admiration for each other. We hope that you respect our privacy during this difficult time.”
The truth of course is that they’ve been living separate lives for a while now. Even two months ago there were reports that Jessica wasn’t even living at home anymore. Nick spent most of last week without Jessica but with a replacement blond in Miami. On November 22, he attended the American Music Awards without Jessica, one day after reports that porn star Jessica Jaymes was shopping a story about a possible tryst with Nick. At the AMAs, Jessica’s dad Joe said things were still great between them and then made the creepy pronouncement that:
“We are Simpson’s, we take a lickin
Jessica Alba, Elijah Wood, Wilmer Valderrama, Mark Ruffalo, Nicole Richie and DJ AM have all designed custom versions of a Sony VAIO laptop to be auctioned off for charity on eBay. Wait, did I say “designed”. I meant to say “ruined”. And “dramatically lowered the value of”. A drifter with hook-hands could have done better than this, certainly better than Wilmer. No one used glitter or macaroni, and none of these appear to have teeth marks, so I have to give them credit for that. Jessica and Mark at least put some thought into theirs, and Nicole added some sporty racing stripes to hers, which should really help it cut through the wind, but overall, my dog could have walked through paint and won this contest hands down.
Here, in order, are the laptops for Jessica, Nicole and AM, Mark Ruffalo, Wilmer and Elijah.
I have no idea how to segue that into pictures of Jessica Alba in the new Vanity Fair. Oh, wait.
Jared Leto is a whore: Page Six says that Lindsay Lohan’s “boyfriend” Jared Leto kept himself busy while she was working the AMA’s for the past few days, by hanging out in Vegas and banging some random blonde chick at the Hard Rock. In Jared’s defense, the girl was alive, thus fulfilling all of his requirements in a sexual partner.
Michael Jackson is an anti-Semite: Michael Jackson can be heard making anti-Semitic remarks on a voicemail to a former business manager that was played yesterday on Good Morning America.
“They suck. They’re like leeches . . . I’m so tired of it . . . they start out the most popular person in the world, make a lot of money, big house, cars and everything. End up penniless. It is a conspiracy. The Jews do it on purpose.”
Michael Jackson could pick up a hooker, punch her out and bury her in the desert, and it would have been the most normal thing he’d done in years.
Charlize Theron is goofy: Longtime couple Charlize Theron and Stuart Townsend announced that they will finally get married the same day it becomes legal for gays and lesbians in America to do the same.
“We came up with a new idea that we said that we would get married the day that gays and lesbians can get married - when that right is given to them.”
Less time: assuming that the entire planet is counting the days until you get married.
More time: with a Bowflex. Both of you. Kind of seems like the dog should be throwing the ball for you.
Sexy reader Shpresa was nice enough to send in this scan from Wizard magazine with a quote from Kirsten Dunst about the future of her character in Spiderman 3. Hey, Kirsten, Bitch McSterotype called, she said she thinks you’re awesome.
“I don’t think they should kill Mary Jane off. That would be pretty typical if they killed the girl at the end. Why doesn’t the superhero ever die? That would be so and and beautiful. He’s so human too. I think if Mary Jane was alone and pregnant and he died, she could give birth to a spider-baby and carry on the series with another young boy or something like that. I hope she doesn’t die. I just think that’s kind of an obvious way to go: ‘We have to end it, so let’s just kill her.’ Mary Jane is a huge, important piece of this film, as it’s all about the love story.”
Some pictures here of Lindsay Lohan and Hilary Duff performing last night at the American Music Awards, where the big winner was everyone who didn’t sit through Lindsay Lohan and Hilary Duff performing at the American Music Awards. Is this really the best they could do. A couple of chicks from Disney. They didn’t have to put GWAR on stage, but they could at least get someone who’s a full time musician. You could stay home making charming birdhouses in your basement and still have a more kick-ass rock-n-roll time than anyone did at the AMA
