I like people who are proud of their sexuality. Gay, straight, bi, they like to violate blue belly lizards, I don’t give a crap. I admire the heck out of them. I’ve never been proud of my sexuality. Like most dudes, I only crow every third new moon when I ‘git some’. Amber Heard made the bold decision to go public with the fact that she’ll fuck both really famous actors and also super hot women. That’s not exactly bisexual so much as it is just really fucking lucky.
Photo Credit: Getty, WENN
We probably wouldn’t even be talking about this new and final trailer for McCanick if Cory Monteith wasn’t in the film and didn’t die from his drug use recently, but here we are yapping about it and speculating about whether or not this would have been his big breakout role. And I think it would, because that’s the popular opinion, even though there’s no way of ever knowing if it would be true or not. Also, since we’re dabbling in hindsight, this movie should be about a guy who fixes cars, because otherwise the title is kind of dumb.
A group of 16 co-workers in New Jersey purchased one of the winning tickets of the recent $448 million Powerball jackpot, and they’re living proof of why you should probably reconsider telling your stupid co-workers to fuck off every time they want to chip in for lottery tickets. After taxes and whatever else the government feels that it deserves, each person will take home $3.8 million, which is good enough to make most of them say, “Adios, cocksucker!” to their boss.
In fact, William Seeley claims that he’s going to buy a few acres and just “keep watching NASCAR,” which is pretty inspiring until you realize that one of his estranged cousins is probably going to set him on fire in his sleep. But in the meantime, what a story!
Terry Richardson is the favorite fashion photographer of many celebrities, from Kate Upton to Cara Delevingne, and he’s pretty great at getting them to stand around, make funny faces and put on his nerd glasses while their clothes slowly vanish. His latest work was shooting Miley Cyrus for Harper’s Bazaar, because her rock n’ roll couture is just the edgiest and sexiest, y’all.
Not surprisingly, when Miley visited Terry’s studio, she made stupid faces and stuck her tongue out, before she started twerking and wore a sweater that read: “Rap music.” We’re basically at the point where Liam Hemsworth needs to drop her off in the middle of Compton and wish her luck, because this girl is fucking confused.
(Photo Credit: Terry Richardson)
I like Russell Simmons mostly because the big papers always refer to him as rap mogul Russell Simmons. You’re pretty hot shit when you get a moniker like that. But Russell Simmons done shit the bath when he uploaded the Harriet Tubman Sex Tape to his brand spanking new All Def Digital YouTube Channel yesterday. He must’ve known he was running a huge risk of offending every single black person in America with the setup, and I guess he thought he could turn that on its head because, well, he’s rap mogul Russell Simmons and the shit was funny. Except it’s not funny. At all. Now he’s rap mogul Russell Simmons with a lame ass racist video. Whoever the fuck Crystal Fleming is even started one of those obnoxious Change.org petitions to get Russell to apologize for denigrating women and being really mean to black people. She utilized the term ‘rape culture’ to show that she went to lots of sexual assault rallies in college. All Def Digital channel promptly removed the spoof video from YouTube. Though that wasn’t good enough for whoever the fuck Crystal Fleming is because she says she and the 600 other brave souls on her powerful online petition will not be satisfied until they get a fully apology from Russell Simmons. Yeah, that’s not coming. You don’t get to be a rap mogul by apologizing for crappy creative.
Kendall Jenner is the latest young famous person to come out with the bold stance of hating the paparazzi. According to Kendall logic, she and her sister Kylie were forced to drop out of school because of all the photographers that would hound them both as they tried to finish 8th grade or ‘some high school’ or whatever they’ll be checking off on forms ever more in the future.
“We would go to cheer at football games and there would be paparazzi on the other side of the fence taking pictures. It got to a point where it was just ridiculous. Thank God no one stalked us at school!”
That is rough when you can’t even get your cheer on because paparazzi are unleashing their stalkers on you. No wonder you had to stop learning how to read and write and understand math well enough to discover your trust fund accounts have been misappropriated. The Jenner sisters admitted later in their interview that it was the E! reality camera crews that actually kept them from doing their schoolwork, but then retracted their admission when the punishment buzzers their mom implanted in their vaginas during adolescence fired off.
Everybody loves Mila Kunis. Not only does every guy want to bang her, but every girl I’ve ever met lists her as a girl they find hot. That’s some magical power right there when you can get both genders wanting to buy you a drink. As far as I know, Mila has only had two real boyfriends in her life, Macauley Culkin and Ashton Kutcher. I think you can construct a pattern theory that explains why you’re the next name to fall in that lucky bastard list.