Simon Cowell Parties With Friends On His Yacht

It's good to be Simon Cowell I guess. Or just really fucking rich and famous. Some men would be phased by learning they accidentally knocked up their friend's wife and she's keeping the baby. I remember a girlfriend once telling me she was 'late' and crying for a week... read more

Amputee Athlete Reunited With Stolen Wheelchair

I told you yesterday about an evil bag of dicks who stole the custom wheelchair of world class handicapped swimmer Philippe Croizon. Today a truck driver found the all-terrain wheelchair in an car park after the shitdick that stole it realized that police were on the... read more

Madonna's Daughter Has Big Ambitions

Nobody was ever cursed more with a blessing than Shelly Kitts. Shelly started developing in grade school. By the time high school rolled around, Shelly was saddled with two Texas sized humps on her chest. She could barely move. Her name rhymed with tits. She had a rough... read more

Myla Sinanaj Calls Herself 'The Anti-Kim,' Makes Sex Tape

Kris Humphries did what any idiot would do after learning he was played by Kim Kardashian, he went and humped the shit out of a Level 3 whackjob who looked sort of similar to Kim. In the process he put Myla Sinanaj on the media radar. Enough so that she's been trying... read more

Sydney Leathers Signs Huge Deal With iHookup

Carlos Danger's favorite text pal Sydney Leathers has reportedly signed a six-figure deal with sexy app iHookup. You'll recall that Sydney is the slutty slut slut at the center of Anthony Weiner's latest jerkoff scandal. She's already released a porn tape, because of... read more

Chrissy Teigen Models Bikinis

Chrissy Teigen shocked nobody yesterday when she re-announced on Joan Rivers fashion show the fact that she doesn't like to ever wear underwear. Some guys find this sexy. I suppose it foretells one less step in getting some. I just find it hygienically questionable.... read more

Miley Cyrus Wears Miley Cyrus Disguise

Miley Cyrus tried to avoid detection from paparazzi by shielding her face with a designer handbag and a sweat shirt with her name printed on it in big bold letters. The photographers grumbled about Miley covering her face with her purse while I can only say it's how I... read more

Kelly Brook Continues To Be So Brave

Women are cheated on by their douchebag boyfriends and husbands on a daily basis, but there are only so many hours in a day to try to pretend to care about all of them, so we'll just stick to the women who pose for calendars and show off their large breasts. Like Kelly... read more

Kate Moss In A Bikini

Kate Moss is an old thirty-nine. It'd be easy to blame her premature aging on her fair skin, too much sun exposure, and a demanding work schedule. But then you'd have to ignore the booze and coke and cigarettes. At least she lived a little. I'm already saying that about... read more

Carmen Electra Still Seems Interesting

Carmen Electra Tweeted over the weekend that she was hanging out at the Funny or Die studios while recording a new video, thus finally answering the question, "Hey, is Carmen Electra still alive?" Apparently she's alive and well, because despite not doing much these... read more

Lady Gaga Is So Inconspicuous

I'm told that somewhere in these photos is pop star and underwear enthusiast Lady Gaga, who stepped out of her hotel in West Hollywood yesterday to take some pictures with her fans and sign autographs, but I have no clue which of these people is her. I don't think she's... read more

Sean Penn With His HGH and a Cigarette and a Script

Sean Penn is juicing. But that's not the impressive part. He's still banging models. He even nailed Scarlett Johansson for a brief time after her divorce. If Westside doctors have invented a new super P.E.D. that doesn't shrink your nuts or give you girl tits, there's... read more