Deciphering a Kardashian public relations event takes several layers of investigation, followed by an antibiotic cycle and a six molar bleach bath. According to their press release, Kim Kardashian flew in every single “fan” she follows on social media to her birthday... READ MORE

Maxim magazine can stamp its Halloween party as crazy sexy, but when you feature E.J. Johnson in negligee, the first question has to be ‘sexy to whom?’. Granted, Johnson has lost a ton of weight and deserves to roll... READ MORE

The MTV European Music Awards combine the underaged moron target of regular MTV with the acoustically insipid quality of European popular music. Ruby Rose, the boyish Australian model with a vagina, hosted the event and opened the show by uniting, not diving. Ladies... READ MORE

In this week’s episode, we develop our plan to help Koko the Gorilla escape from crappy sign language school, wonder where the fine art of confidentiality went among our pimps and whores, and Matt tells a story about almost... READ MORE

I’m not clear on the rules of bar mitzvah parties, but isn’t the shiksa supposed to be the hot one? The James Franco Bar Mitzvah was a celebration of James Franco taking off a couple hours from gay baiting... READ MORE

Celebrities are notorious for giving their kids stupid names and hipster wank fodder Zooey Deschanel is no different. She named her daughter Elsie Otter. That’s right, she named the poor kid after a swimming rat. Good luck getting into... READ MORE

DeSean Jackson is completely flummoxed as to why four armed intruders picked his L.A. home for invasion. Also flummoxed as to how the marauders knew the precise location of his security cameras, flummoxed by there being six people in... READ MORE

Coco and her husband the rapper and emasculated talk show host known as Ice-T have decided to name their baby Chanel in honor of how they think something else is spelled. To honor the by-product of their love, Coco... READ MORE

The world’s both best and worst sandwich spokesperson ever, Jared Fogle, paid each of fourteen victims of his child porn and sex crime offenses $100,000. The money is supposed go toward counseling and medical expenses but can be used for... READ MORE

Ronda Rousey had a good run causing solid Christian men to suddenly imagine having sex with a thick muscular and slightly recessive ultimate fighter. If you want to nail Ronda Rousey, you’re probably a dyke. Even if you’re a... READ MORE