Kanye raps about marrying Kim Kardashian

By brendon May 10, 2012 @ 3:29 PM

ffn_kardashian_west_ket_042312_9011360

It’s easy, and fun, to make fun of Kanye West, but considering he got A’s in high school and his mom was the Chair of the English Department at Chicago State University, no one could actually consider him stupid.

Unless he really is thinking about marrying Kim Kardashian like Us magazine claims, in which case people could and should.

On an upcoming track by hip-hop artist Pusha T, West, 34, raps, “I saw you in the club in a white dress/Now I want to put you in a white dress.”
(Says) a second source: “Kim and Kanye are 100 percent having conversations about marriage … (he pursued her) for a long time.”

This already makes no sense, but that Kanye seems ready to rush into it is nothing short of insanity. I know he’s religious but God knocked up Mary and didn’t even take her on a date, so He’s hardly in a position to lecture us.

Tara Reid is in Loaded Magazine. For some reason.

By brendon May 10, 2012 @ 2:03 PM

tara_reid_loaded_magazine_0612_06

Loaded is a magazine in the UK, and it’s usually terrific with lots of pictures of really hot girls (in April it was Jennifer Metcalfe, this month they had Hannah Simone, the hot Indian model from ‘New Girl’), but for June someone thought it would be a good idea to have Tara Reid. In a bikini.

Suffice to say it was not a good idea, and I don’t appreciate it at all. And it was certainly uncalled for to wrap her in the flag and remind everyone that she’s American.

So maybe we’ll just start with a few pictures of Amy Winehouse in front of the Union Jack. Two can play this little game, you limey bastards!

(image source = loaded, splash)

Chris Brown brags about “smashing” Rihanna like a pumpkin

By brendon May 10, 2012 @ 12:24 PM

You were wrong if you thought Chris Brown couldn’t be any more of a dickhead but in your defense, you didn’t know he was going to release a remix of the Kanye song ‘TheraFlu’ last night, and say this at the 1:12 mark:

“Don’t fuck with my old bitches
Like a bad fur
Every industry nigga did had her
Trick or treat like a pumpkin just to smash her.”

That may or may not be about Rihanna, but she seems to think it is because she unfollowed him on twitter last night, and then a short time later he unfollowed her. And I have to take her word for it because I don’t understand how an ex-girlfriend is like a bad fur, and I can’t even begin to translate “trick or treat like a pumpkin just to smash her.”

Is he saying the pumpkin goes trick or treating? And then gets to “smash” Rihanna? So the pumpkin gets to fuck Rihanna? I guess he could mean the pumpkin gets to punch Rihanna after trick or treating but, and I didn’t think it was possible either, but that somehow makes even less sense.

Lindsay looked pretty stoned last night

By brendon May 10, 2012 @ 11:27 AM

14408

Actually that headline might not be fair. I wasn’t there. I don’t know that she was high. It might have just been one of those things where the camera caught a moment with her eyes half open and looking dazed. It was just a coincidence. A coincidence that happened several hundred times with three different picture agencies and 7 different credited photographers. We’ve all been there, I think.

(image source of lindsay lohan at the a&e up-fronts last night in beverly hills = getty, splash, wenn)

I don’t actually know who Kristen Bredehoeft is

By brendon May 10, 2012 @ 6:43 AM

kristen_bredehoeft_a_and_e_upfronts

I don’t know who Kristen Bredehoeft is, or why she was at the A&E up-fronts last night, but I saw her while looking for the Lindsay pictures and there was something about her I found intriguing.

(note: It was her boobs. That was the “something”. I’m not sure if that was clear.)

Jessica Simpson signed her $4 million deal with Weight Watchers

By brendon May 09, 2012 @ 5:24 PM

jessica_shopping_excl_ff3_022512_8809757

Jessica Simpson is on the cover of the new Us magazine, and they confirm that she has signed a deal with Weight Watchers which will pay between $3 and 4 million if she can lose the estimated 65 pounds that she gained while pregnant

“She’ll have to meet the weight-loss goals for the deal to go through. She hasn’t cho­sen a trainer yet,” says the source. “In fact, she hasn’t even thought about working out for a year. But if she wants this, she’ll need to work out a good five days a week.”

“Oh, great, thanks a lot Source,” Weight Watchers said when they read this. “Thanks for squealing about the personal trainer and daily workouts we won’t mention in Jessicas commercials. I know it’s you Jenny Craig, you back-stabbing bitch. I swear to God you’re gonna pay for this.”

Isabella Cruise covered for absentee mom Nicole Kidman

By brendon May 09, 2012 @ 4:16 PM

51893595

Kids, especially adopted kids, are at their most confident and secure in their early teens. They’re fearless pillars of strength who embrace every setback as an exciting new challenge. That’s why it’s really no big deal that Nicole Kidman bailed on the two kids she adopted with Tom Cruise. In fact she hasn’t been photographed with her daughter Isabella, 19, or her son Conner, 17, in over 5 years.

Luckily for her, Isabella seems healthy and well-adjusted anyway, and covered for her in an Australian magazine.

‘I love mom. She’s my mom. She’s great. I see her sometimes and I speak to her.’
‘We’re a very close family. I love all of our family.’

It’s hard to really know what to think about all this because, to be honest, I’d forgotten about both of those kids.

That’s not me defending Nicole Kidman, by the way. It’s what she said today when a reporter asked her to comment on this.

not even Brooklyn Decker can save this

By brendon May 09, 2012 @ 2:22 PM

40807

Brooklyn Decker is also in ‘What To Expect…’, and was at the New York premiere last night, which changes absolutely nothing. No amount of Brooklyn Decker or Elizabeth Banks or the greatness of Anna Kendrick can make up for a movie with Cameron Diaz AND Jennifer Lopez.

The only way I’d ever find a seat and wait for the curtain to be drawn so I could watch those two cunts is if the state was about to execute them.

(image source = getty, fame/flynet. and here, because i love you very much, is an awesome, possibly nsfw brooklyn decker .gif.)