Gwyneth Paltrow has some sexy Valentine’s advice

By brendon February 10, 2012 @ 7:38 PM

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Gwyneth Paltrow loves giving advice, especially to people who never asked for it, and so in honor of Valentines Day, she’s written this weeks Goop newsletter specifically for them.

“This week’s newsletter is not for you. It’s for your other half. We’re giving them some tips and tricks on how to please you not just on this holiday, but every day. So, print, cut below on the dotted line and leave it somewhere they can easily find.”

So, yes, as you probably assumed, Gwyneth’s idea of romance is for a guy to follow the list of instructions she gave him.

7AM or before they wake up:
“Surprise them by pre-loading a playlist onto their Ipod with whatever songs are significant to you two. You’ll be on their mind throughout their morning run, commute, etc.”

Yes, she will. He’ll be thinking, “Why was that bitch going through my phone.”

8AM or before they rise:?
Fail-Proof Breakfast in Bed (in 5 Minutes or Less).

Here she suggests making a yogurt parfait or a goat and cheddar cheese omelette. Personally I would wait about 72 hours before having sex with a girl who just ate 5 pounds of dairy, but I’m sort of a prude.

11AM
“Set an alarm on their phone to go off at this time that tells them to check their pocket (where) you have placed either a love note, tickets to a play/movie/event that evening, a gift card to their favorite store, or an address and time of where and when they should meet you for a surprise evening activity of your choice.”

Keep in mind that this tip, where your girlfriend knows to check for further instructions when she hears an alarm, only works if your girlfriend is Jason Bourne.

3PM: Flowers
Here’s a very simple project that goes a little beyond the typical bouquet.
1. Draw 6 – 12 hearts about 2 inches wide on sheets of colored construction paper. Cut out the hearts and make a ½ inch slit on the side of each heart where you can slide a string through. Write a message on the hearts – maybe all the things you love about them, or an invitation to dinner at home. ??

I’m not sure how to tell you this ladies, but if you’re boyfriend is sending romantic notes written on construction paper, he’s probably a child molester.

Lindsay tried to seduce a rich guy, naturally failed

By brendon February 10, 2012 @ 5:56 PM

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The amFAR benefit auction to raise money for AIDS research brought out lots of big Hollywood stars on Wednesday night, but Lindsay Lohan was also there. Not to help a charity of course, but to seduce rich guys into buying her lavish gifts. Specifically a $20,000 Hublot diamond watch with a white alligator strap.

Knowing that these pictures are from that benefit, try and guess how it went.

…when Lohan recognized a wealthy Canadian financier at a nearby table, she shot over to schmooze him — but then sent an assistant over when bidding on the charity auction began.
“After chatting with the businessman, Lindsay sent over an assistant, who said, ‘Lindsay would very much like it if you’d bid on (the watch) as a gift.’ ”
However, the gentleman declined. “He just cracked up,” our source said.

In her defense it is possible she was only doing this to raise more money for the benefit, because if anyone has a vested interest in finding cures to STD’s, it’s Lindsay Lohan.

(source = getty and page six)

Naomi Watts and Robin Wright are at the beach

By brendon February 10, 2012 @ 5:12 PM

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No one asked for it, bet here are pictures of Naomi Watts and Robin Wright at the beach anyway, filming ‘The Grandmothers’ today in Sydney, and the pictures are every bit as sexy as that title implies. It’s like a grainy Lands End catalog.

(image source = bauer griffin and pacific coast)

Madonna is disappointed in M.I.A, todays young people

By brendon February 10, 2012 @ 3:55 PM

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Madonna was on Ryan Seacrests radio show this morning, and even though her entire career is based on being a “scandalous” attention whore, she thinks it’s juvenile and desperate when other people do the very same thing.

Madonna says her Super Bowl experience was filled with “warmth, love, and support,” but when it came to M.I.A.‘s digit malfunction, (she) was not happy.
“I wasn’t happy about it. I understand it’s punk rock and everything, but to me there was such a feeling of love and good energy, and positivity — it seemed negative. It’s such a teenager…irrelevant thing to do.”

That’s right Madonna. What M.I.A. does is “punk rock”, and flipping off a crowd is a “teenager” thing. After that Madonna told Ryan about the time she caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. “I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on ‘em. ‘Give me five bees for a quarter,’ you’d say. Now where were we? Oh yeah: the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones…”

(source = getty and access hollywood)

Macaulay Culkin is doing great

By brendon February 09, 2012 @ 8:20 PM

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The Sun and INF posted two new pictures of Macaulay Culkin today, and even though he looked “worryingly emaciated”, his manager told E! that he’s doing great, and “in perfectly good health.” Which can only mean that his manager is Willem Dafoe, and thinks that this is what people are supposed to look like.

(image source = inf daily)

Janice Dickinson is a fine example

By brendon February 09, 2012 @ 8:04 PM

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Janice Dickinson was out at BOA last night, and the models of today really should look at her as a role model and do the things she does. And by that I mean wear invisible shirts, and be so worn down and defeated by life that they’d have sex with me.

(image source = fame)

Orlando Bloom is weird

By brendon February 09, 2012 @ 4:24 PM

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Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr are in Australia today, and she’s in a bikini drinking champagne in a hot tub with some other random girls who are also in bikinis, and he’s holding a naked babies penis up to his face. He must really really like that babies penis.

Reese Witherspoon is fan friendly

By brendon February 09, 2012 @ 2:58 PM

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‘This Means War’ had it’s big fancy premiere last night in Hollywood, and not only did Reese Witherspoon stop and sign tons if autographs for the fans, but she more or less showed them her tits too. Because some actors are actually friendly. Lindsay Lohan came along after that and gave one of her fans a handjob, but that was more because she needed $20.