Olivia Munn Wears Leather

December 10, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Girl power and BFFs and Throwback Thursday shits and giggles over how you both had crappy hair cuts in high school aside, women really instinctively hate other women named Olivia Munn. I’ve never noticed a stronger catty reaction to any woman in Hollywood than that to Olivia Munn. Chicks snarl when they speak of of […]

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CIA Torture Report, Meh

December 10, 2014 | WTF | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Reading about radical Muslims hellbent on killing Americans being savagely beaten, mind-fucked, and having raisin hummus fired up their anuses all I could think about was, who the fuck cares? These are barbaric dudes meeting a barbarian’s fate. As a nation, we probably shouldn’t have secret backrooms in pierogi shops in Poland where we fire chickpeas up hairy dudes […]

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Being Dwayne Johnson Not Worth It

December 10, 2014 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Dwayne Johnson is open about being an insane workout guy. This is refreshing if you’ve ever met the super ripped dude who claims he only works out on occasion yet actually owns three gym memberships so people don’t notice what a psycho he is. The guy who’s dying to chug a sixer of beer but claims he’s ‘seeking […]

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Charlie Sheen Allowed Around Children

December 10, 2014 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Charlie Sheen and his ex procreation and crack smoking partner Brooke Mueller have agreed on a custody arrangement of their troubled twin sons. Sheen will be allowed monitored visits as he flop sweats through two hours of sobriety while a social worker plays frisbee with the little Damien children. The arrangement follows information that Sheen […]

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Jessica Hart In Painted On Bikini

December 10, 2014 | Uncategorized | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Jessica Hart posed for Porter Magazine in a painted on gold bikini. I feel weird when I wear boxer briefs at the Hard Rock pool because I forgot to bring swim trunks. Actually that might be justified. Even getting a massage and begging for a hand job afterwards seems oddly personal, and I’m covered in […]

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Sharon Osbourne And Jay Leno Have Fucked

December 10, 2014 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Sharon Osbourne revealed a few details of the time she fucked Jay Leno to the Stern show while people listening vomited into their waste baskets at work. Outside of the surprising news that Leno indeed has a functioning human dick, the only information Osbourne offered is that he was a premature ejaculator, which I had him […]

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Abercrombie Loses 70 Year Old Punk Kid CEO

December 10, 2014 | WTF | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Mike Jeffries, the creepy CEO of Abercrombie and Fitch who was almost certainly the inspiration for every 80’s rich kid movie villain, is retiring. Abercrombie has fallen on hard times. With the advancement of gay rights many have found they can go to a random stag bar to see a naked dude instead of a price inflated dank […]

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Alyssa Milano Works Them Bigguns

December 10, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Ever since Alyssa Milano and her mom went Lone Ranger and Tonto across the Internet lassoing up all her titty pictures, she’s felt a certain sense of regret. This roundup occurred before the science had been settled as to how amazing a career boost having your tubes exposed in the digital wankspace could be. What […]

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Beyonce and Jay Z Greet the Future King and Queen of England

December 10, 2014 | Photos | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

The royals of England came and met with the Beyonce and Jay Z to discuss such things as how best to garage your fleet of Bentleys during the snowy season and a brief but telling trivia contest on how little each knew about the current whereabouts of their children. The meeting itself court-side at the Brooklyn […]

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