Back in January, Lindsay Lohan did some modeling for the spring line from Fornarina (here). So today is the second day that I’ve ever heard of Fornarina. This time it’s because her new ad has arrived, and as you might expect, its a feast for the senses. They started at the Six Flags Make-Your-Own-Video booth and then sent Lindsay to the world of tomorrow. It takes all the excitement of Lindsay standing still, then adds the sounds of a malfunctioning robot. Later they dubbed in some unrelated drumming and now here we are.
I got an email from someone I’ll just call, “Lying No Good Liar Who Better Stop Lying”, and he says Megan Fox and Brian Austin Greene are very definitely not broken up, and he knows this because he sees them together all the time.
I work at a Gamestop and Brian Austin Green and Megan Fox come in regularly. Just this past weekend, Brian was there with his son from Vanessa Marcil, and they were picking out games for Megan. I asked how she was doing and he said she was great. From Brian's mouth to my ears, NOT broken up. Also, Brian is a good guy, they have a happy nerdy video-game-playing relationship.
If this is true, this sucks. Even if it’s not true, I didn’t learn any new ways to get her into bed and I’m not so crazy about that either. Unfortunately I feel like it is true. My instincts are never wrong. And I can prove it. Turn over your card. It’s the four of diamonds, isn't it?
(below = her at a Lakers game in 2004, apparently around the last time anyone had a shot)
PRESIDENT OBAMA – the President has formally apologized for a joke he made on “the Tonight Show” last night (video), when he compared his bowling to “the Special Olympics or something.” Although in his apology he said, “at least you guys play sports instead of faggin off in some musical or something”. How does that help? (source = abc news)
MADONNA – some people say Madonna is a mean bitch. You might call her boyfriend and ask his opinion but he’s not allowed to answer. “She told him it was rude for him to take a phone call in front of her … they had quite a heated argument. Madonna agreed to let him answer when she’s around, but only in emergencies.” This would be a reasonable compromise, except that many older phones convey the callers message only after the call has been answered, as opposed to linking both parties with telekinesis while the phone is still ringing. (source = daily mail)
COURTENEY COX – the new sitcom “Cougartown” filmed scenes around Melrose Seal Beach yesterday, with Cox starring as a something or other who does stuff, then falls down. Better “cougar” pictures would have been from the set of “Seduced by a Cougar” or “Cougar Town”, with lots of real cougars also running loose around Seal Beach. (image source = pacific coast)
Hilary Duff went to a casting meeting in West Hollywood yesterday, and she made the savvy decision to wear shorts that she took off a doll. This was smart because acting is easy, and you need to stand out. Half the country could do what most actors do. You show up, someone hands you some stuff some other person thought up and then you say it. And you can take all day until you eventually say it right. Apparently it’s really difficult to find an actor that can read 10 words out loud without completely fucking it up. Almost impossible. There are at least three dogs, one horse and a monkey who are Hollywood legends. I can’t remember what my point was to any of this, but Hilary has a nice ass. The End.
The internet nerds who love analyzing pictures of famous girls to identify their lady parts will go into nerd rage when they see that sexy reader Ana sexed up an email to me with a pic of Juliette Lewis singing with her band at the SXSW festival in Austin this week. Because you can kinda sorta see her vagina, and those dorks live for that shit. Here is a close up. Here is a close up made slightly brighter. Here is superstar LSU running back prospect Lache (“Lake”) Seastrunk jumping very high to catch the ball, and here is a curious bunny rabbit. Look out bunny, don’t run into the camera!
If anyone has a rational explanation for why Paltrow and the Sad Cartoon Turtle get movie roles anytime they want, yet the last thing Heather Graham was in was my erotic fantasies, I’d love to hear it. This is her last week in Hawaii. She's awesome. She’s not the greatest actress in the world or anything, but jesus it's just acting. Anyone can do that shit. Just say the words on the page. Curl up your hand and button your shirt all the way up if you’re a retard, look to the left of the person you’re speaking to if you’re blind. Ta-da, you’re acting. It’s not like were entrusting her to reignite to sun, so just put her hot ass in some god damn movies.
VIN DIESEL – his PR firm dropped him as a client after he disappeared then claimed he was sick rather than doing a day of press to promote “Fast and Furious”. So, good. His excuse was so dumb it borders on condescending. He might as well have started to do a phony English accent half way through the call and said he wasn’t Vin Diesel. (source = new york post)
TITS – this is like those comics where Superman fights Bat Man. Except here they’re wearing bikinis. (source = college humor)
MEGAN FOX – They’re supposed to be broken up, yet Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green are together constantly. Now this: “They appeared very much back together while buying two shopping carts full at Bed Bath & Beyond”. Granted, I get why he won’t leave. If she ever walked me to her bedroom, I would die, I’d finish the instant she undid my pants. And it would look like a whale when it surfaces and does that blowhole thing. (story = e! online, pictures = flynet)
Star magazine says today that Rihanna is privately worried that a sex tape she made with Chris Brown – who was recently in the news after he, “shoved Rihannas head against the passenger window … she turned and he punched her in the left eye with his right hand. He then drove away and continued to punch her in the face” – will somehow get leaked to the public.
"Rihanna has no issues with her sexuality,” a source says. “But she'd be mortified if her friends and family found this out!" Insiders say Rihanna is still emotionally fragile and vulnerable since the assault. "This whole beating incident is terribly humiliating for her. She's already traumatized and will do anything to make it all go away as quickly as possible."
They say Chris is the one with the tapes, so it seems logical that if they get leaked, he’s the one who did it. That’s her concern. That the dude who punched her in the face 800 times will release their sex tape. It’s easy to see why she took him back, isn’t it. He’s like a dashing romantic prince from olden days.