Jennifer Lopez has officially quit ‘American Idol’

By brendon July 13, 2012 @ 2:31 PM

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Everyone got the gist of this one from the headline, right? Thank God. Now here’s Maggie Q at Comic-Con yesterday. THIS CHICK IS UNDERRATED! She should have been the new Catwoman instead of giant headed Anne Hathaway. Catwoman should be lithe. Anne Hathaway is clunky. I could kick Anne Hathaways ass, and that’s not just empty bragging, I mean it. In fact I’ll fight almost any girl or child you can think of.

(image source = bauer griffin)

Mariah Carey “in serious talks” to judge American idol

By brendon July 13, 2012 @ 1:05 PM

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Unfettered by their experience with demanding pain in the ass Jennifer Lopez, Us.com says ‘American Idol’ producers want demanding pain in the ass Mariah Carey to replace her as a judge next season.

If anyone could handle her it should be Randy Jackson (he’s her manager) but this supports previous reports that the plan is to clean house and get 3 all new judges, so he’ll be gone too.

“They are in serious talks with Mariah and it’s very close to being a done deal,” the source says. “And they will move Randy into a more mentoring role.”
The insider added that show producers are scrambling to fill the other two slots alongside Carey; other celebs who have been considered to sit at the judges’ table include Fergie and Adam Lambert.

If nothing else Mariah would be on time more than Lopez. All they’d have to do is send someone to stand outside her house dressed up as a chocolate chip cookie and she’d chase him to the studio.

(image source of mariah in london on june 25 = wenn)

Lindsay Lohan is losing her hair

By brendon July 13, 2012 @ 11:12 AM

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Lindsay Lohan has spent the past 5 years sustaining on nothing but drugs, alcohol, and sugar, and now her hair is falling out in clumps, which you could see as she left the ironically named e. baldi in Beverly Hills last night.

It also can’t help that she’s had more lemon juice and lye (or whatever it is white trash uses to bleach their hair) and semen in her hair than conditioner. Let this be a wake-up call to girls who don’t swallow. Pictures don’t lie, if you let it get in your hair you’ll end up bald and broke and alone, going in and out of prison, just like Lindsay!

(image source = splash)

Justin Bieber sued for causing hearing loss

By brendon July 13, 2012 @ 9:28 AM

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Justin Bieber is being sued for $9 million by a woman who says she suffered permanent damage to her ears after going to one of his concerts. But not from stabbing herself in the ears like you probably assumed.

Stacey Wilson Betts took her daughter to see Bieber’s show in Portland, Oregon on July 14, 2010.
Betts claims it was incredibly loud inside the arena thanks to Justin’s shrieking fans … but Bieber made it MUCH MUCH WORSE when he climbed into a “heart-shaped aluminum/steel gondola” (then) “created a wave like effect of screaming by pointing into various sections of the arena. Then enticed the crowd into a frenzy of screams by continuously waving his arms in a quick and upward motion.”

Quite frankly, if you go to a Justin Bieber concert, you deserve whatever horrible fate befalls you. I don’t feel bad for her anymore than I do for a rapist who catches an STD. Besides this ladies hearing apparently sucked anyway or else she wouldn’t have passed on such awful taste in music to her daughter.

Kelly Brooks hair is dry. What a surprise.

By brendon July 12, 2012 @ 6:34 PM

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Still on vacation in Ischia, Kelly Brook went swimming today, taking great care to not get her hair wet. As if there was a chance of that. Short of a cthulu attack or dropping her out of a plane, I don’t think anything is gonna overcome the buoyancy of her tits. She could probably walk on water if she tried.

(image source = fame/flynet, wenn. splash)

Steven Tyler is leaving ‘American Idol’

By brendon July 12, 2012 @ 5:08 PM

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Giving credence to the rumor that ‘American Idol’ will have three all new judges next season, Henifaa Yopez told the Today show this morning that “maybe it’s time for me to go”, and now Steven Tyler–who could have dragged this out for months to be the center of attention like some media whores–has released a statement saying it’s definitely time for him to go.

“After some long … hard … thoughts … I’ve decided it’s time for me to let go of my mistress American Idol before she boils my rabbit. I strayed from my first love, Aerosmith, and I’m back — but instead of begging on my hands and knees, I’ve got two fists in the air and I’m kicking the door open with my band.”

Meanwhile, Randy Jackson is laying low, screening phone calls from Fox, and hoping no one remembers to deactivate his key card.

Paul Rudds new movie looks promising

By brendon July 12, 2012 @ 3:54 PM

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‘They Came Together’, Paul Rudds new movie with writer/director David Wain, already looks a billion times better than ‘Wanderlust’, his last movie with writer/director David Wain (who also did ‘Role Models’) because it replaces Jennifer Anistons incessant whining with Jessica Perez ripping her shirt off in a scene filmed yesterday in New York where she and Rudd go jogging.

Granted it would be less awkward to watch a convicted pedophile introduce himself to his new neighbors than Jennifer Aniston try to be funny, so it’s not like the bar was very high.

(image source = inf)

Tom Cruise is threatening to sue the Enquirer

By brendon July 12, 2012 @ 2:44 PM

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This weeks cover for the Enquirer claims Tom Cruise kept Katie Holmes trapped in a HOUSE OF HORRORS (yellow arrow pointing to said house, thankfully included), that “the real Tom is a monster” who locked their daughter Suri in a “tiny, windowless room” for 5 months, that Katie had a secret breakdown, and that Paula Dean lied about how she lost 30 pounds.

Surprisingly, Tom Cruise has taken offense to this (except for the Paula Dean part) and, much like he successfully did with Star, Cruises terrifying attorney Bert Fields is threatening to sue the Enquirer, potentially for hundreds of millions, if they don’t retract their story immediately.

The Hollywood Reporter says:

Fields claims the tabloid’s most recent cover story is “disgraceful and lurid” and will cause the actor “hundreds of millions of dollars of professional and personal damages, for which we intend to hold American Media, and everyone who participated in the perpetuation of this scurrilous attack, jointly and severally liable.”

The letter ends with a threat of litigation if the Enquirer does not “retract each and every one of your false allegations about Mr. Cruise with the same prominence and emphasis as you gave your original false and defamatory assertions.”

In Tom’s defense, it’s not as if he deceived Katie somehow. Everyone knew he was a Scientologist and that Scientology is a scary cult and she married him anyway. He was very upfront. Hell, my girlfriend doesn’t even know my real name, much less about my second family in Florida.

(image source of cruise, who was visited by his son connor, filming ‘oblivion’ in june lake = inf)