Lil Kim Bailed On A Show, Still Looks Like A Cartoon Character

By Travis July 23, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Rapper Lil Kim has issued an apology to her fans in London through a spokesperson, after she was accused of being late for her scheduled (and ultimately canceled) main event performance at the Lovebox festival in London this weekend. This is noteworthy because it means that not only do people still actually want to watch Lil Kim perform, but they’re willing to pay her to do it.

Despite vowing to make up for the missed show with a meet and greet, Lil Kim bolted from her London hotel in a flash, as some of her fans waited to show their love. Not only does she look even more like someone left a wet LaToya Jackson in the dryer too long, but her crazy ass fans seem to want to look like her. These are strange times we’re living in.

(Photo Credits: WENN.com)

Beyonce Touch Causes Fan To Feel the Spirit (VIDEO)

By Lex July 23, 2013 @ 9:40 AM






Someday, all people will come to know the true power of Beyonce. How she can sing a note that cures cancer. Her perfectly round feces are a superfood. And no matter what woman Jay-Z slips into after his show, Beyonce becomes with child. You don’t need to explain the powers of Bey to this fellow who was touched by the divine presence in concert. He went down with the Holy Ghost. The two of them on the ground front row at the Mrs. Carter tour. Pretty sweet tickets.

Eliot Spitzer Is Still Sorry About The Hookers (VIDEO)

By Travis July 23, 2013 @ 9:00 AM






Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer is getting back into the political game after a little time off for bad behavior, as he’s running for comptroller of New York City. Of course, before he can actually win any election, he has to keep addressing the elephant in the room – all the sex that he paid for while he was governor.

Spitzer’s new ad does just that, as he declares, “I failed big time” while talking about how he feels like doing something positive in the wake of hurting so many people. The very least he could do is promise that if he’s going to hire prostitutes again, he’ll make sure to get the really hot ones. There’s no excuse for paying for 5s when you can afford 10s.

Irina Shayk In A Bikini

By Lex July 22, 2013 @ 5:23 PM

Irina Shayk In An Orange Bikini At The Beach In Miami
Irina Shayk and I have the same sunglasses. I wear mine because I got them for $10 from a shifty booth by the boardwalk and Irina wears hers because she’s just hot as fuck and does whatever the hell she pleases. That’s probably not enough to get me laid.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet, PCN, Splash

Drake And Chris Brown Don’t Have To Pay Shit To Club

By Jack July 22, 2013 @ 5:08 PM

A judge threw out a lawsuit aimed at feuding hip hop assmunches Drake and Chris Brown. A company called Entertainment Enterprises (that’s vague and porny enough) sued the dimwits for 16 million dollars after they got into a massive brawl and tore up… a completely different club. Entertainment Enterprises owns a club called Greenhouse which is next door to W.i.P. Lounge where the fight actually took place. Entertainment Enterprises claims that their place got a bad rap because of the rapper fight next door and people stopped coming. The judge told them to STFU and to stop filing stupid lawsuits. Which even though it’s right means that Drake and Chris Brown face little to no consequences for their bottle tossing entourage girly fight. Other than being thought of as total dicks by most of the world. But I can tell you firsthand that’s not much of a punishment.

Prince William and Kate Middleton Produce a Male Heir

By Lex July 22, 2013 @ 4:31 PM


I don’t know much about English royalty, but I think this birth means Kate Middleton now gets to live. Even when Prince William starts having sex with his homely cousins to whom he is naturally attracted, Kate will be protected from the guillotine by right of birthing a future king. For their part, the Brits are celebrating this glorious day by pouring HP sauce on all their food and talking about how awesome England was in the 1600′s.

Chloe Moretz Dressed Like A Hooker While Filming ‘The Equalizer’

By Lex July 22, 2013 @ 3:48 PM

Chloe Moretz In Short Skirt And Heels Filming 'The Equalizer' In Beverly Hills
I guess I’m not allowed to say shit about Chloe Moretz because of her still tender years. She is allowed to play a hooker in heels in this new film version of The Equalizer. She also gets to be the kid superhero in the R-rated Kick-Ass films and play Carrie in the remake of that horror classic being produced for no reason other than Hollywood is dead. She can do all sorts of grown up things, and yet I’m still not to talk about how she’s finally getting a grown up girl ass. That seems crazy unfair.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Nicole Richie’s Boobs Look Like a Magnet

By Lex July 22, 2013 @ 3:02 PM

Nicole Richie In A Bikini On A Boat In Italy
Blurry Nicole Richie is kind of hot. If I could keep her a little out of focus, maybe bring up the NFL on Fox bumper music every time she said something stupid about skin care or her gays. That Nicole Richie could be my girlfriend. We’d have to do something with the kid though. Or whatever she’s done with it already, keep doing that.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI