Joey Chestnut Eats 69 Hot Dogs To Victory (VIDEO)

By Lex July 04, 2013 @ 2:16 PM

Competitive eating is not a sport. And it’s really fucking disturbing. Not because it involves the gross consumption of food for entertainment value while hundreds of millions of kids are trying to catch a cricket for dinner to keep from starving. Those kids will grow up hungry and ambitious and run dictatorships in their small corrupt nations. But because it’s a bunch of people furiously shoving meat and bread in their gaping maws just waiting to vomit. That’s not a a sport. That’s bulimia night at the Kappa Delta House. Just because shit is hard to do, doesn’t make it a sport. I’m talking to you golf.

Kaley Cuoco Rides A Horse

By Lex July 04, 2013 @ 1:09 PM

Kaley Cuoco Cleavage Rides A Horse In Westlake
Yesterday, we learned Kaley Cuoco was riding the Man of Steel. Today, a horse. Which in no way should remind anyone of the tragedy that ensued when the last Superman rode a horse. If it does, just watch Kaley’s tits bounce up and down for a bit, it’ll pass.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Amanda Seyfried In Trailer For Lovelace (VIDEO)

By Lex July 04, 2013 @ 12:42 PM

If you’re wondering if it’s worth seeing an R-rated movie about an X-rated film star, you probably answered your own question. Though as my progressive female friend ‘Jo’ told me, the film is not about porn, it’s about spousal abuse. Oh, boy. I’m not saying that spousal abuse isn’t entertaining, I’m just saying it’s not as fresh as a woman whose clit is in her throat.

Kristen Stewart Celebrates the 4th in France

By Lex July 04, 2013 @ 11:40 AM

Kristen Stewart Cleavage Arriving At A Zuhair Murad Fashion Show During Fashion Week In Paris
While Robert Pattinson is on American soil plowing his emotionally delicate man-piece into Elvis’ granddaughter, the unpleasant actress Kristen Stewart is in Paris celebrating the 4th of July in a land where the sour and dismissive is lauded as the traits of highest order. She is trying to show off her tits, which might get her a visa. Maybe France will adopt her.

Photo Credit: PCN, WENN

Zahia Dehar’s Pastries Must Be Delicious

By Travis July 04, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Zahia Dehar’s story is a unique one, truly an example of the American dream, except for the fact that she has nothing to do with America. At the age of 17, Zahia was a prostitute in France and became the center of a huge sex scandal involving players on the French national soccer team. At the time, the players faced huge fines and jail time if they were convicted of sleeping with a prostitute younger than the legal age of 18, and it was a huge distraction for the team as it went on to its worst World Cup finish ever.

But nobody cares about that shit, because Zahia became a star and went on to launch her own successful lingerie line, and this week she debuted her Sexy Pastry Shop in Paris. Unfortunately, she did not jerk off an éclair and spread the cream all over her chest, but that would have been a pretty solid marketing idea.

(Photo Credits:

Kim and Kanye Can’t Turn Away Baby Money Fast Enough

By Lex July 04, 2013 @ 10:18 AM

Bearing her rapper boyfriend’s bastard baby has changed Kim Kardashian. So we are told. So much so that when some Australian magazine offered her $3 million for first photos of her stupidly named daughter, Kim said nay. She and Kanye do not want their offspring living a life in front of the camera. By that she means, try $5 million. My guess is People magazine. But, before you call Kim a singularly-focused money-grubbing ass whore, again, the couple has indicated that proceeds will all go to charity. Like Khloe’s and Lamar’s stomach cancer research charity where none of the money raised has gone to cancer research. So, actually, the opposite of that this time. Then, finally, the Kardashian name shall be synonymous with selflessness, community, and giving. As Robert always wanted, or at least promised himself as he was finding a place to hide O.J.’s bloody clothes and knife.

Katie Price Dressed As A Sideways Vagina

By Travis July 04, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Katie Price is a jack-of-all-trades, as she’s a singer, author, actress and, most importantly, a woman with extremely large fake breasts. But like most celebrities without much actual talent, she also has her own fragrances, including “Stunning” and “Besotted”, because who wouldn’t want to smell like a woman who got famous by posing nude?

Katie unveiled her latest fragrance, “Kissable”, in London yesterday, as she dressed like a giant pair of lips and blew kisses to the camera. And then someone in the room must have farted, because that’s the only way I can explain the rest of her looks.

(Photo Credits: Lia Toby/

Rihanna Showed Off Her Cooch In Germany

By Travis July 04, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

Rihanna performed in Hanover, Germany last night, and it was business as usual for the singer who once forgave Chris Brown for bouncing her face off of a car window like she was invented by James Naismith. Rihanna teased the crowd by rubbing her crotch and sticking her tongue out, and I’m sure all of the guys went crazy and screamed for her to do more, like whip them and maybe take a dump on someone’s chest.

At least that’s what I think those guys are into. I haven’t been to Germany in a while so they may have moved on to something else.

(Photo Credits: Clemens Niehaus/Future Image/