Rihannas boobs are well bodyguarded

By brendon March 03, 2011 @ 1:47 PM


Rihanna is in Sydney today for a concert on Friday, and yesterday while going through a crowd her bodyguard did his job and kept her boobs safe from danger.

It should be pointed out that this guy is her regular bodyguard, he’s with her all the time, but I don’t think it was an accident because black girls look hot with red hair and they were coming from a sex store. He was horny, and he saw an opportunity to feel her tits and he took it. That guy is smart. If I was a bodyguard for my beloved Julri Waters, I’d do the same thing, all day, to protect her tits from lurking danger. Like sudden stops. Hot coffee. A spider. Loud music. My hands would be on her tits so much she wouldn’t even need a bra.

(image source = splash news and pacific coast)

Paula Abdul was kidnapped!!! Not really!!!

By brendon March 03, 2011 @ 12:49 PM

Paula Abdul would have a nervous breakdown if it was cloudy outside, or not cloudy enough, so keep that in mind when you hear this 911 call she made during an arugument with her boyfriend while in the car.

You’d think her head was in a gullitine by the way she’s carrying on, but really is was a simple fight that was quickly resolved one hour later.

During the call – placed at 4:35 PM on Valentine’s Day — Paula cries and sobs hysterically and says, “I wanna go, and he won’t let me!”
Seconds later Paula says, “Are you gonna drop me off ’cause I have emergency on the phone” — and shortly after that she says, “He’s dropping me off.”
Officers got in touch with Paula about an hour later and she said it was just a verbal dispute.
A spokesperson for Abdul tells TMZ, “Arguments with loved ones are often times heated. After the call was made everything was worked out.”

My favorite part was when the operator asked if Paula was “at Seaward”, because at first I thought she was calling her “C word”. How bad ass would it have been if the dispatcher said, “Well stop being such a little C word. You’re acting like a cunt.”

For Paula, she actually held it together pretty well during this. Not once did she say she was being murdered. Starbucks could run out of those green plastic drink stopper things and she’d spend the next 30 minutes whining, then panicking, then curled up on the floor under the counter crying, then crying while asking “why”, and finally crying while insisting everyone is out to get her.

Taylor Momsen is hardcore

By brendon March 02, 2011 @ 7:13 PM


Taylor Momsen put on her designer tough girl outfit and hit some clubs in New York last night, or at least she would have if it didn’t take 15 hours to put on those ridiculous boots. So instead she got some coffee and pouted in the sunshine.

(image source = splash news online)

Charlie Sheen has passed 4 drug tests

By brendon March 02, 2011 @ 6:56 PM


It seems impossible to believe, but Charlie Sheen has now taken four drug tests in four days, and passed all four, including one last night.

(Sheen) tested negative for the presence of marijuana, cocaine, opiates and methamphetamine in a random drug test as Radar observed at his Los Angeles mansion Tuesday night, just a few short hours after authorities dramatically removed his 23-month-old twin sons Max and Bob from the premises, and returned them to (his wife Brooke) Mueller.
Without prompting, Sheen took the random drug test, which we observed. He passed.

When they say “without prompting”, they mean that Sheen had a drug test just sort of lying around and he took it out without being asked and said “hey a drug test” and then he took it and Radar says he passed.

You have to admit that, with controls like this in place, the results would be impossible to fake. But this hardly seems like a victory for Sheen because if he’s not high then he’s insane to a degree where he’s a week away from wearing a diaper and demanding everyone address only the puppet on his hand. Suddenly “drug addict” seems way better.

Christina Aguilera is worrying her friends

By brendon March 02, 2011 @ 3:43 PM


Culminating yesterday when they were both arrested in West Hollywood, her for public intoxication and him for a DUI, Christina Aguileras life has been on a downward spiral ever since she started dating Matthew Rutler in December. Oh and don’t worry, her friends have noticed. People says…

Still, some friends worry about Rutler’s influence on Aguilera. “There’s a real concern about this guy, and a lot of her friends feel she needs to get away from him,” the pal says. “Hopefully, what happened [on Tuesday] is a real wake up call.”
“She is going out more and drinking more,” the friend continues. “She feels she is embracing her freedom and enjoying life … but now friends are hoping that she takes a step back and focuses on herself for a while.”

Obviously she needs to dump this jackass, but after that the key to her comeback is to set manageable goals. She can’t try to be the old Christina, not yet, she’s too drunk and too fat. To be honest I’d be impressed if she could even get off the toilet by herself.

Courteney Cox still looks fantastic in a bikini

By brendon March 02, 2011 @ 12:57 PM


Courteney Cox was filming (the underrated) Cougartown in Hawaii yesterday, and Holy Shit she looked terrific. All the new actresses either need more dignity or less dignity, whichever one would make them go get big implants and hit the stairs, because this 46-year-old is way hotter than most of them. I’d ask her what her secret is but I’ve been ducking her calls for about a week. Ever since she missed her period.

(image source = bauer griffin and splash news and flynet)

Charlie Sheen is exhausting

By brendon March 02, 2011 @ 11:35 AM

Charlie Sheen is impossible to keep up with these days, because when you do that much coke you have boundless energy, but this mornings headline is that his wife Brooke Mueller filed for sole custody of their two-year-old twin boys yesterday, then got a restraining order against Sheen after he allegedly told her “I will cut your head off, put it in a box and send it to your mom.” *

That would be illegal, so Brooke got a restraining order preventing him from going near her or their boys, so police went to Sheens house last night and removed them. He told the Today show this morning…

“This is not about emotions, not about ego — it’s about getting very focused, getting very much in touch with what I have to do to complete the task of bringing these two beautiful young men back to the home they deserve to be raised in. There’s more love, compassion, support, childcare and everything else you could possibly want for a child here in this lovely home — it’s not a house, it’s a home.”

Holy Shit there were kids in that house this whole time? Oh my fucking god, Charlie Sheen shouldn’t be allowed to raise a cactus, much less two human beings.

(* Sheen may or may not have really said that, but he does love bringing the girls parents into it. In 2007 he wrote an email to then-wife Denise Richards and told her to “go cry to your bald mom, you fucking loser.” Her mom was bald because she had cancer, by the way. In 2008 he told Denise, “I hope you and your worthless retarded father get cancer and join your stupid mom.” I think he took that one from a greeting card.)

Charlie Sheen has joined twitter

By brendon March 01, 2011 @ 7:28 PM


Charlie Sheen has a twitter page now, so as soon as he can find a computer that isn’t a secret portal for Illumanati assassins to enter his mind, he’ll post his indecipherable rambling, unedited, for everyone to see.

None of which has anything to do Megan Dedousis and her absolutely perfect ass by the way. But she emailed me pictures, and I’m tired of looking at Charlie Sheen. To thank her you should go to Fox Sports once a day until Sunday and vote for her in the Hooters Dream Girl contest. If you vote for her every day, she’ll probably be so impressed she’ll want to be your girlfriend and then do it with you.