Aaron Hernandez Not Getting Press

February 25, 2015 | Uncategorized | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Coverage of the Aaron Hernandez trial is conspicuously lacking from ESPN and major news outlets. ESPN ass funneled you stories about Patriots’ deflated footballs yet rarely mentions that the same team used to employ Scarface. The NFL is clearly exerting... READ MORE

Guy Fieri Officiates Gay Weddings

February 25, 2015 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Guy Fieri and his face personally officiated 101 gay weddings in Miami at the South Beach Wine and Food Festival. This was based on a promotional event where the first 101 gay couples to tweet #101gayweddings would be included. It’s... READ MORE

Bethenny Frankel in A Bikini

February 25, 2015 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I don’t know how they keep this chick together. Tricorder readings show mostly shellac and Bondo. At some point there won’t be any human parts left and she’ll turn completely to the dark side. Which I think means more... READ MORE

Zendaya Goes Race Card on Anorexic E! Host

February 25, 2015 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Dancing Sinbad skeleton Guiliana Rancic made the mistake of reading a line about Zendaya Coleman’s fake Oscar dreadlocks looking like they ‘smell like patchouli oil and weed’. Sound the claxons of intolerance. Zendaya Coleman is half black, which makes... READ MORE

In Celebration Of Big Guns And Shit Around The Web

February 25, 2015 | crap around the web | editor| 0 Comments

A philosophical question: Which boobs are the best? Some men like small insect bite titties. Those guys are wrong. The best kinds of funbags are the ones you can’t hold with only one hand. Check out this plethora of... READ MORE

Fetish Art Giant Bella Thorne And Katie Cassidy

February 24, 2015 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I don’t know why this amuses me so. This dude Photoshops images of young Hollywood chicks as godzillas coming ashore to terrorize the puny humans. I don’t know if this is a commentary on the over-emphasized power of celebrity... READ MORE

Morgan Osman And Chantel Jeffries In Bikinis

February 24, 2015 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

There’s some kind of social theory that explains how people with like minds eventually find each other even in bustling metropolises. It’s an insect level and up innate instinct to bond into common interest packs. This is one chick... READ MORE

Behati Prinsloo Nip Slip At Oscar Party

February 24, 2015 | nipslip | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Like much of America, the entrance of Maroon 5 at the Oscars signaled a four minute window to take a much needed dump. If I want to see handsome men moping, I can sit outside any casting call in... READ MORE

Fifty Shades of Grey Claims First Victim

February 24, 2015 | Uncategorized | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

It was only a matter of time before the heathen sex highlighted in the mommy porn Fifty Shades of Grey inspired somebody to cross the line between pleasure and pain. A University of Chicago freshman got his girlfriend into... READ MORE

Kylie Jenner Drops $2.7 Million on Her Teen Hideaway

February 24, 2015 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I don’t care if you’re seventeen or whatever Kim’s age is in whore years. These Kardashian girls earn their paychecks because they sell shit that people with narrow brain stems want to purchase. That couldn’t be more American if... READ MORE