Elle Macpherson may or may not still have it

By brendon July 11, 2012 @ 5:22 PM

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It’s not as if Elle Macpherson was posing for these pictures today in Ibiza, Spain, and they catch nothing but unflattering angles, so it seems unfair to judge how she looks in a bikini based on just this. More importantly, it seems like whatever this tool is that she’s using to eat sea urchins straight out of the water could also be used to chop my penis off, and that’s another excellent reason not to say anything mean.

(image source = splash, fame/flynet)

Jessica Alba still looks fantastic in a bikini

By brendon July 11, 2012 @ 3:03 PM

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Hopefully these pictures of Jessica Alba with her two kids at a hotel pool in Amalfi, Italy, today don’t give any other girls the dangerous idea that they can have two kids and still look fantastic in a bikini too. Because it’s not true. Jessica Alba is different. Every other girl needs to stop having kids, just stay away from them entirely, babies are made of poison as far as you’re concerned.

(image source = wenn, pacific coast)

Scientologists think Tom Cruise has telepathic powers

By brendon July 11, 2012 @ 2:13 PM

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Tom Cruise has reportedly reached such an advanced level in Scientology that he now has power over the physical universe and can bend the wills of men. And also animals. Because religion and Call of Duty work the same way; you achieve and unlock levels.

Cruise is at the very advanced “OT VII” stage. Operative Thetans (have) total ‘control’ over themselves and their environment. OTs can allegedly move inanimate objects with their minds, leave their bodies at will and telepathically communicate with, and control the behavior of, both animals and human beings.”
“At the highest levels, they are allegedly liberated from the physical universe, to the point where they can psychically control what Scientologists call MEST: Matter, Energy, Space and Time.”

I don’t mean to sound ungrateful but if Sceientolgoy can turn me into some Magneto-Charles Xavier-Aquaman hybrid, they should have advertised that and made it much more clear. Here’s my money. Point me toward the e-meters.

(image source of cruise back on the set of ‘oblivion‘ in mammoth, ca, because despite all that other stuff, tom cruise is a fucking professional who fully commits to every movie he makes = inf)

Daniel Tosh apologized for a rape joke

By brendon July 11, 2012 @ 1:28 PM

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Daniel Tosh tweeted an apology in response to this post from a girl who has a friend who saw him at the Laugh Factory on Friday night. And yes, this is a second-hand account on tumblr, so you can rest assured that all the details are 100 percent accurate.

Essentially, Tosh was on stage saying rape jokes are funny when this happened…

I felt provoked because I, for one, DON’T find them funny and never have. So I didn’t appreciate Daniel Tosh (or anyone!) telling me I should find them funny. So I yelled out, “Actually, rape jokes are never funny!”

What if a guy was trying to rape a girl and she got away and he fell down while chasing her because his pants were around his ankles. That would be funny.

I did it because, even though being “disruptive” is against my nature, I felt that sitting there and saying nothing, or leaving quietly, would have been against my values as a person and as a woman.

Being upset and leaving quietly is against a woman’s nature? Oh you don’t say. This is the first I’ve heard of it.

After I called out to him, Tosh paused for a moment. Then, he says, “Wouldn’t it be funny if that girl got raped by like, 5 guys right now? Like right now? What if a bunch of guys just raped her…” and I, completely stunned and finding it hard to process what was happening but knowing i needed to get out of there, immediately nudged my friend, who was also completely stunned, and we high-tailed it out of there.

Holy shit I can’t believe Tosh apologized for this. Comedy Central must have forced him. This girl has every right to be offended if she wants, what he said was offensive if you choose to take it literally, but even then it doesn’t mean Tosh needs to apologize for it. You don’t have a right to not be offended in life. Fuck her. He’s a comedian, is he supposed to stand there and state facts? This isn’t Wikipedia Live! you dumb bitch.

Lady Gaga is being shocking again

By brendon July 11, 2012 @ 12:32 PM

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If you naturally assumed that tight straps, a mesh bra, and eating Chinese food would be an unflattering combination, congratulations. You’re smarter than Lady Gaga.

(image source of gaga last night at mr chows in beverly hills = fame/flynet, splash)

Manda Mosher is in a bikini

By brendon July 10, 2012 @ 5:08 PM

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These pictures of singer Manda Mosher in a bikini at the Hotel Regina Isabella in Ischia raise a lot of questions, such as, “who is Manda Mosher,” and “hey that girl has nice tits.” Ok well I guess it raises one question.

(image source = pacific coast. learn more about Ischia here)

Kim Kardashian is already freaking out Beyonce

By brendon July 10, 2012 @ 4:37 PM

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Kim Kardashian is still desperate to parlay her relationship with Kanye West into a friendship with Beyonce and Jay Z, so she reportedly spent $5,000 on a gold bracelet with pink and white diamonds for their daughter Blue Ivy, and then engraved it with a very presumptuous, “Love Auntie Kim.”

Guess how that went over.

“They have been friends for five minutes, but already Kim is try­ing to force herself into Beyonce’s life,” a source told The Enquirer.
“Despite Kim’s sex tape and bad marriages, Beyonce had been warming to her based on her charming demeanor and romance with Kanye, who’s a good friend.
“But she certainly doesn’t consider Kim family in any way, shape or form – and for her to suggest that close­ness really put Beyonce off.”

Ok fine that’s The Enquirer, so who knows, but it does sorta fit with a report in the new issue of Life & Style that says Kim is “not allowed to talk about” Beyonce or Jay-Z in public.

“She’d be kicked out of the clique so quickly if she made any misstep,” the insider explained. “Kim has to earn everyone’s trust.”

Wait. Does Kim Kardashian have any friends? Now that I think about it, in 10 years I don’t think I’ve ever seen her with anyone but Paris Hilton, Reggie Bush, and Kris Humprhies. Who all hate her now. Other than that she’s always with her family. That’s the same way rats and dingoes live, by the way. Hint hint, Kanye.

Adam Lambert might be one of three new judges on ‘Idol’

By brendon July 10, 2012 @ 3:26 PM

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Jennifer Lopez can’t be bothered to tell Fox if she’ll return as a judge for another season on ‘American Idol’ (even though she reportedly made up her mind to leave 2 months ago), but now E! say’s that Steven Tyler and Randy Watson (typo that I’m keeping bc of this) might not be back either, and that Season 8 alum Adam Lambert is the popular choice to replace at least one of them.

“Popular” in this case being a very very relative term.

“They have been talking about Adam for over a month. He personifies the show, and will be a popular choice right from the start. He knows what it’s like to be on the receiving end of the judges’ comments, he has a human touch, and they know they can’t go wrong if they bring him on. He would be able to bring a unique perspective to the show. People love him.”

Miley Cyrus, Katy Perry, Fergie and Nicki Minaj are also being considered but with Lambert all those dumb family advocate groups would freak the fuck out so hopefully he’ll get hired. I hate those groups. I don’t give a shit if your stupid family is offended by nipples, profanity, or gay people on TV. Your family, your buzzkill God, your problem.