oh. hey Britney. what’s up.

By brendon June 27, 2012 @ 6:05 PM

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Britney Spears looked pretty terrific today during ‘X Factor’ auditions in Providence at the Dunkin Donuts Center. Her rival Christina Aguilera started to say something mean but all the talk about donuts made her hungry and she just mumbled something about how she’s been “to the center of like a billion Dunkin Donuts,” which wasn’t as insulting as she’d hoped.

(image source = splash, getty)

Ke$ha has a new tat (it’s this one)

By brendon June 27, 2012 @ 5:15 PM

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Ke$ha went on her twitter today and posted a picture showing her surprisingly nice teeth but also the new tat she got on the inside of her lower lip.

So if you’re ever arguing with Ke$ha, and she grabs her lip and folds it over and says “read my rip assho,” and you are in fact close enough to lean in and do that, prepare to get burned.

Johnny Depp turns gay women straight

By brendon June 27, 2012 @ 3:05 PM

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Amber Heard has been cured of her homosexuality, and she didn’t even need to go to prayer camp. All she needed was for Johnny Depp to buy her a horse.

Reports surfaced recently that (Heard) received a horse from Depp, her ‘Rum Diary’ costar, as a present.
The actress, who dated female photographer Tasya van Ree for several years, has been quite open about her affinity for Depp. She told Guest of a Guest last year that working with him “is everything you’d hope working with Johnny Depp would be. He’s absolutely amazing, as far as his talent and him as a person.”

So does this mean they’re having sex? Yes, yes it does. Probably. She was gay, but Depp is so handsome she hurdled that minor obstacle and ripped his pants off the second they were alone. Just like your mom when I came over to your house that time and you weren’t there yet. Zing!

Jessica Alba is rad to the max

By brendon June 27, 2012 @ 1:55 PM

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Jessica Alba was running some errands in Santa Monica yesterday, and don’t have a cow man, but apparently this look is coming back. Either that or these pictures took 15 years to develop.

(image source = splash)

Katy Perry knows her strenghts

By brendon June 27, 2012 @ 1:04 PM

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Katy Perry, Selena Gomez, Robert Pattinson, and Justin Bieber (image not available) were all at Chateau Marmont last night after the premiere of Katy Perrys movie, ‘All Of Me’ or ‘Part Of Me’ or ‘All Of You’ or something like that. The point is tits. Katy forgets that sometimes but not last night. Somebody should write it on a sign that hangs next to her mirror and in her closet.

Jessica Simpsons kid is really ugly

By brendon June 26, 2012 @ 7:15 PM

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I rarely talk about the children of celebrities because they didn’t choose to be public figures, but babies are different because fuck them. I hate babies, and it’s not as if their friends are gonna tease them for this because they don’t have any so who gives a shit. With that in mind, Jessica Simpson tweeted a picture of her 2-month-old daughter Maxwell today and holy shit that thing is ugly.

For one it’s mouth is upside down, but even worse is it’s black eyes and that mark on it’s forehead. It’s the kind of baby that is foretold in prophecy, and not in a good way.

John Travolta is totally not gay you guys

By brendon June 26, 2012 @ 4:47 PM

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John Travolta was one of the big stars walking the red carpet for the premiere of ‘Savages’ last night in Hollywood, and despite some crazy rumors lately claiming he likes men, he was all over Kelly Preston. Who is a lady. And she was kissing him too, with all the passion of someone who was forced to do it as part of court-ordered community service. So clearly he’s not gay and they’re happily married.

Chuck Norris wants the Boy Scouts to be homo-free

By brendon June 26, 2012 @ 4:22 PM

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Chuck Norris has written an article for ammoland.com saying the Boy Scouts of America should continue to discriminate against gay people, despite the fact that it’s illegal and that they’re the only two groups of men who wear vests and handkerchiefs.

“A Boy Scouts of America national board member, James Turley, who is also CEO of Ernst & Young, recently said he “will work from within to seek a change” to overturn the BSA policy that bans gay Scouts and leaders.
Is it a coincidence that Turley … has such close affiliations with the pro-gay Obama administration?”

Turley, seen here with George Bush, was a member of Rudolph Guilianis finance team when he ran for President in 2008, but Chuck see’s right through that clever little ruse and knows Turley is actually some pinko liberal queer. Ya have to wake up pretty early in the morning to fool Chuck Norris.