50 Cent Has Bank Account Frozen

December 3, 2014 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

50 Cent is unable to access his personal bank account because his wages are being garnished. Cent owes Sleek Audio $17 million dollars because he lost a lawsuit to them in a convincing blowout. They claim he stole their headphone design and tried to market a similar product as a 50 Cent original. They are […]

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Xzibit Arrested On Wedding Night

December 3, 2014 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Omnipresent sometimes rapper Xzibit was issued a DUI after leaving his wedding reception. I’m no prude, but you may not want to get behind the wheel on the drunkest night of your life. Particularly if you are a rapper hanging out in Laguna Beach. I’m not saying the cops out there are profiling black guys, […]

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Taylor Swift Pulls Power Move

December 3, 2014 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Taylor Swift has reportedly blacklisted Victoria’s Secret model Jessica Hart from their annual Parade of hot chicks prancing around in stupid shit. This comes after Hart made some disparaging comments about her, according to an anonymous Insider who could easily be a bored coked up janitor who works for the venue: “No one can know that […]

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Chick Who Banged 10,000 Dudes Wants One Husband

December 3, 2014 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Gwyneth Montenegro is an Australian former escort who wrote a book about banging over 10,000 guys. It was published some months back but the buzz fizzled out when people realized those are pedestrian numbers for a sex worker. She is now on a fresh media front telling anyone who will listen she is looking for […]

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Terry Crews Apologizes For Men, We’re All Good Now

December 3, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

You can read Vassar senior theses, peruse Jezebel forums, and decipher limericks Lena Dunham scribbles on the bathroom stall with her period blood that are simply hilarious, devour it all, the roots of modern feminism lay in the unapologetic neutering of the archetypal male. Such mass castration requires the diligent use of crude stereotypes and […]

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Kim Kardashian Surveys the Troops Abroad

December 3, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

With so much riding on current U.S. armed forces forward positioning in the Middle East, it only made sense to dispatch Kim Kardashian dressed like somebody her stylist saw in an old USO magazine to Abu Dahbi to assess our military state of readiness. Kim toured Persian Gulf region arsenal and met with soldiers each […]

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Mickey Rourke The Champ And Shit Around The Web

December 3, 2014 | crap around the web | editor| 0 Comments

Mickey Rourke went back to boxing because no one wants to hire a guy who looks like a battered weasel’s vagina. He won his first fight against 29-year-old Elliot Seymour. Except that it was probably fixed. Why Randy the Ram, why? See the old man beating away death. (The Superficial) Alexandria Daddario and her tits […]

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Bai Ling Tit Falls Out in Germany

December 2, 2014 | nipslip | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Yesterday was International The AIDS Day. I celebrated by pretending that men get The AIDS from vaginas. Today is International Older Chicks In Hollywood Flashing Their Big Ass Nipples Day. I’m celebrating by pretending this is a trend I hope continues. Photo Credit: Getty

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Kendall And Kylie Jenner Promote Teen Breasts by Dre

December 2, 2014 | Photos | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

There will come a time in every Kardashian daughter’s life when they will be asked to employ their tits to bring some money to the family table. It’s roughly about the time they prematurely develop engorged breasts thanks to a strict diet of chickens who have consumed all the hormones Whole Foods removed from their […]

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Chelsea Handler Seems Really Fucking Bored

December 2, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Chelsea Handler is now the person who retired too soon from work without any pressing hobby. I remember this well from when I was younger and grandpa suddenly started calling to talk about hockey. If I were Chelsea Handler I’d spend my days thanking the Santería statue I rubbed each day to give me fame […]

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