Katy Perry still looks terrific in a bikini

By brendon July 26, 2012 @ 5:44 PM

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Katy Perry spent this afternoon by her hotel pool in Miami, wearing a little black bikini and making flat-chested girls feel bad about themselves. If not for her annoying personality she’d be perfect. It’s like a fable where the Devil grants a wish but always adds some cruel and ironic twist. Like I told him I wanted to be the richest man in town, and he gave me lots of friends who cared about me. Fucking prick, YOU KNEW WHAT I MEANT!

(image source = fame/flynet, splash)

Kate Upton is photogenic

By brendon July 26, 2012 @ 4:28 PM

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It’s funny that these pictures of supermodel Kate Upton should show up, with that gorgeous water and blue sky behind her, because just half an hour ago I was having sex with a model and she wanted a noose tied around her neck but then I couldn’t get the knot undone and she started to turn blue so I ran to the kitchen to get some scissors and then I sat down to check my email real quick and then I clicked around a little and found these pictures.

And she looks great. That blue is so pretty.

Oh shit that reminds me.

(image source = photographer Miguel Reveriego for the July issue of Vogue)

Robert Pattinson was ‘horrified’ by Kristen Stewarts apology

By brendon July 26, 2012 @ 1:41 PM

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If it seemed awkward and weird yesterday when Kristen Stewart issued a public apology for cheating on Robert Pattinson, that’s because it was. Especially if you happen to be Robert Pattinson.

A source told the Chicago Sun Times:

“He is still in total shock, but Rob is a very, very proud man — and Kristen knew how he feels about remaining faithful, loyalty and commitment. … He also was horrified that she issued a public apology to him.
“It was even more surprising because the two of them had this very specific personal agreement about not ‘going public’ with their relationship, until they both agreed it was the right time. To do it this way — apologizing for cheating on him — ended up being totally unacceptable.
“As Rob told me [after Stewart released her statement], “She only had to call two people: me and Liberty [Ross, Sanders’ wife].”

Once again Pattinson comes off like a decent person (like he did here and here) by saying Stewart owes Liberty Ross an apology too. And once again Stewart comes off like a retard who can’t do anything right. She might as well have used that apology to name and rank all the guys whose sperm she’s swallowed.

Madonna tours with an anti-aging machine. Which is totally working.

By brendon July 26, 2012 @ 1:40 PM

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While in Paris today for her MDNA tour, someone working for Madonna carried a machine made by Intraceuticals to her hotel room. It claims to “hydrate, lift and tighten, and improve the appearance of the skin.” So I don’t know if they’re being sarcastic or what. Maybe Madonnas just using it wrong her because when she isn’t flexing her skin hangs off her like she doesn’t have any bones.

(image source = inf, wenn)

Lindsay has caused yet another car accident

By brendon July 26, 2012 @ 12:32 PM

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Oh hey, time to update the Lindsay Lohan Demolition Derby timeline:

October 4, 2005: Lindsay crashes a Mercedes into the passenger side of a van “during a chase through West Hollywood.”

May 26, 2007: Lindsay is arrested for drunk driving after crashing a Mercedes convertible in Beverly Hills at 5:30am.

July 24, 2007: while high on cocaine, Lindsay goes on a high speed chase down PCH in a stolen GMC Denali, with the owner and two of his friends still in it, reaching speeds of 100 miles per hour.

September 3, 2010: while driving a rented Maserati, she hits a stroller with a baby in it while pulling into traffic, then drives away without stopping.

June 8th, 2012: Lindsay drives into the back of a 18-wheeler, totaling her rented Porsche. A water bottle with alcohol in it is found near the scene. As of now, even though police feel she caused the accident, Lindsay has not been cited and still has her license.

Which brings us to yesterday, when she and her pasty white legs left the Chanel store in Beverly Hills and drove into the back of a Ford Mustang that was stopped at a traffic light. X17 says no one was hurt and the police were not called.

In Lindsay’s defense, she was probably in a rush to get away from Chanel before they noticed the stuff she’d stolen. Of course she didn’t see the Mustang, she was looking in her rear view mirror the whole time.

Gwen Stefani is Cheetarah

By brendon July 25, 2012 @ 6:38 PM

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Gwen Stefani was in New York today wearing a leopard print jacket. And top. And pants. Not only does it seem to lazy to match leopard with leopard, but she’s lucky she wasn’t kidnapped by furries.

(image source = wenn, splash)

Paris Hilton will have to do

By brendon July 25, 2012 @ 5:22 PM

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Are pictures of Paris Hilton in a bikini better than no bikini pictures at all? Only in the sense that they might remind you to go look at some better bikini pictures later on. Let me know if you find anything good.

(image source = bauer griffin)

Kristen Stewart made a public apology

By brendon July 25, 2012 @ 2:21 PM

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This seems a little weird–though no weirder than seeing her play golf in Malibu five days ago in cut-off shorts and Vibram FiveFinger shoes–but Kristen Stewart has issued a public aplogy for cheating on Robert Pattinson. So if you see him, I guess maybe you could read this to him or something.

“I’m deeply sorry for the hurt and embarrassment I’ve caused to those close to me and everyone this has affected. This momentary indiscretion has jeopardized the most important thing in my life, the person I love and respect the most, Rob. I love him, I love him, I’m so sorry.”

To which Rupert Sanders replied, “Are you gonna keep going on all day about what a terrible mistake I was? I’ve got feelings you know.”

(image source = fame/flynet)