Aubrey O’Day Wants You To Know She’s Not Fat

By Travis August 02, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

Aubrey O’Day hasn’t ever been mistaken for a runway model, in that she’s always been a little bit big-boned. I don’t want to necessarily say that she’s fat, but if she didn’t have huge tits to always distract me, I’d probably say that she’s fat. At least that’s how she looked last month in Maui, where she looked like she was auditioning for COPS.

But Aubrey wants us all to know that she’s totally not fat, so she’s posting these strange bikini selfies to Instagram to show us just how good she looks. She doesn’t need to do this, though, because as long as she has those big tits and gives great head, she can be as large as she wants. Embrace your body, Aubrey.

Teresa Giudice May Have Whacked “The Real Housewives Of New Jersey”

By Jack August 01, 2013 @ 3:00 PM

Loudmouth embarrassment to Italian-Americans, Teresa Giudice, may have sunk her own show with her criminal activity. Bravo is seriously considering cancelling The Real Housewives of New Jersey in the wake of her and her ‘roided out husband Joe being charged with 38 counts of financial fraud. We told you a few days ago that the greasy couple is facing up to 30 years in prison for committing bankruptcy fraud and hiding assets. Bravo, and its chief gay Muppet Andy Cohen, are not happy with these two mooks. Not only is the press bad, but they also might have gotten Bravo mixed up in their shady shit. Not only might it sink RHONJ, but plans for a spin-off series about their mutant family are also being trashed.

For those of us that live close enough to New Jersey to smell the fake tanner and Axe Body Spray, this is a huge victory. These retarded attention whores and their shitty lifestyle have been glamorized for long enough. Now the world can see what lowlifes the Giudice’s and their ilk really are. I mean, not The Situation, obviously. But the others.

Is Carlos Danger Sexting on the Job?

By Lex August 01, 2013 @ 1:46 PM

Anothy Weiner Playing With His Phone During The New York Mayoral Candidates Forum

He could have 12 girls talking to him, beating off 15 times a day, and that wouldn’t be enough — Sydney Leathers to Howard Stern

According to Leathers, Anthony Weiner had an insatiable addiction for calling and sexting and beating off.

How are you going to be mayor of New York City if you’re c-ming like five times a day? — Sydney Leathers musings

I don’t see a problem with that. I’m sure Ed Koch and Fiorello La Guardia were whacking it constantly inside the walls of Gracie Mansion. But Carlos Danger could set the record. He couldn’t even keep off the text during the Mayoral Candidates Forum, whipping out the PDA for a another round of virtual hair pulling indecency, and thanking his maker that they used the splooge-colored tablecloths.

Photo Credit: Splash

Lena Dunham Hand Fed On The Set Of ‘Girls’

By Lex August 01, 2013 @ 1:07 PM

Lena Dunham Being Hand Fed On The Set Of 'Girls' In New York
You shove a brand muffin or a shawarma wrap into Lena Dunham’s gaping maw every 108 minutes or face the electromagnetic shitstorm that follows. Every PA on set knows you have to take your turn in that vital rotation. You opened the Dunham hatch, you push the fucking button. Those are the rules.

Photo Credit:, PCN

Ke$ha Claims She Used To Have A Tail

By Jack August 01, 2013 @ 12:40 PM

Ke$ha claims that she was born with a tail but it was stolen. I guess it would explain a lot about her behavior if she wasn’t actually human but some sort of alien from a planet that deprives its infants of brain nurturing oxygen. In an interview with Heat magazine Ke$ha says that,

“I had a tail when I was born. It was a tiny tail, about a quarter of an inch, then they chopped it off and stole my tail. That was when I was little. I’m really sad about that story.”

There actually is a birth defect called a vestigial tail in which babies are born with what appears to be a small tail growing out of their lower back. It’s a leftover chromosome from when we were monkeys or something. I wouldn’t be surprised if whatever shallow gene pool Ke$ha crawled out of was full of genetic defects. Doctors usually remove the tail much like Ke$ha describes. Then again, she is also probably just fucking high and trying to get attention. Still, the next time she passes by me in a drunken Hollywood train, I’m checking for a scar above her ass, a little higher than all the others.

Kat Graham Jogging In The Rain

By Lex August 01, 2013 @ 12:37 PM

Kat Graham Jogging In A Sports Bra While It Rains In Atlanta

Photo Credit: PCN

Weiner Chief Spokeswoman Calls Staff Intern a ‘Fucking Slutbag’

By Lex August 01, 2013 @ 11:30 AM

Olivia Nuzzi's Facebook Photos
It’s a really bad idea to hire good looking young female interns. The shit going to hell factor with hot young interns is about 94%. All the men get stupid around them. All the women get jealous. And the little foxes have ambitions of their own. Like Olivia Nuzzi who worked for but a few weeks on the flailing Anthony Weiner mayoral campaign. After her brief stint pulling the Weiner train, she went on to do a tell-all interview that included shit like everybody was only working for Weiner to get in good with the expected Hilary Clinton upcoming campaign and Weiner thought it was funny to call all the female interns ‘Monica’. That pissed off Barbara Morgan, Weiner’s spokesperson and chief catty bitch who ranted on about how Nuzzi was just a little fucking slutbag and a cunt and a twat. That’s the type of salty language that would make even her boss Carlos Danger blush. Morgan said she thought her comments were off the record, which I guess is a free pass for calling your female intern a cunt. Then Morgan called Olivia to apologize, did a few lame stunt mea culpas on Twitter, and the entire thing was quickly forgotten. I mean, minus whatever the bribe was it took to shut Nuzzi up evermore.

More importantly than petty people having petty slutbag fights, Olivia Nuzzi is pretty hot. There is none chance she doesn’t surface again some time soon in a new media format.

Photo Credit: Olivia Nuzzi/Twitter

Jennifer Lawrence And Amy Adams Look Amazing In American Hustle (VIDEO)

By Travis August 01, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

The new trailer for American Hustle was released yesterday, and it looks pretty good. I’d like to be a little more optimistic but I don’t have a clue what it’s about, other than a three-way competition between Christian Bale, Bradley Cooper and Jeremy Renner to look like the ugliest guys you’d spot in a New Jersey strip club.

Then again, it also has Jennifer Lawrence and Amy Adams looking like 70s porn stars, so that should count for something. In fact, if there’s an Oscar for that, I hope they both win. Then, when they accept their statues, they can try them out on each other. I know, I’m full of brilliant ideas.