At first I thought Megan Fox was basking in her time with the paparazzi because it looked like an old lady passed her on the street, but then I saw a sign in the background and realized the pictures as I found them were simply in a backwards order. Point being, if you’re ever worried your life might be boring, just remember that I spent the last 10 minutes analyzing pictures to find fixed landmarks so I could measure how fast an old lady may or may not walk. There’s simply no chance you'll do anything sadder than that today.
Having an NFL cheerleader and contestant from “the Bachelor” on a show called “Dancing With The Stars” really pushes any rational definition of the term “stars”, but as of today Melissa Rycroft is definitely a star in my book. My book is entitled, Girls I'd Like To Fuck.
(source for images of melissa backstage with top hollywood funnyman david alan grier = splash)
Lindsay should snap for sure by the weekend, if what she tolda camera crew from X17 about her relationship with Samantha Ronson is any indication. To recap, Samantha broke up with Lindsay, hired five bodyguards to keep her away, changed the locks on her house and looked into a restringing order. Still too subtle, as it turns out.
"You make it seem like it's over — it's not. People take breaks … it's OK … it's normal … focus on themselves."
You never ever want to hear a crazy girl with nothing left to lose say “you make it seem like it's over it's not” after getting dumped. Sam is gonna snap awake next week and Lindsay will be standing over her bed in a wedding dress. “Oh Sam, I came just as soon as I figured it all out. You're so cute, you and your little secrets. But you don't have to worry anymore you silly goose, because the answer is 'yes'. I will marry you.”
The always wildly entertaining Star magazine says today that Britney and Kevin Federline were caught by his current girlfriend in (a presumably steel-reinforced) bed. Not only that, but Star says the two have been doin it all over the place, even on the desk you’re sitting at right now.
…the one-time couple have been hooking up whenever and wherever the mood strikes.
"It's like they're newlyweds all over again," a family insider (says). "Brit and Kevin can't keep their hands off each other! The flings have made them both a lot happier."
Britney loves it when Kevin puts the moves on her, and she's making her own too. "She definitely knows how to fan the flames!"
Victoria Prince actually caught Britney and Kevin having sex on the sly! She "caught him with his hand in the cookie jar,” says our source.
Oh really? Was his hand in the cookie jar? Uh-huh. And has Brit been struttin around like the cats pajamas ever since? Gave some other fella the ol’ high-hat, told him to scram? Why do these “inside sources” always sound like a gangster from a 1940’s movie?
I bet almost every one of us have had our heart broken at one time or another. It’s part of growing up. Those first few days it feels like the end of the world, and all you want to do is a cover story interview with Us magazine.
"It's absolute hell," Lohan told Us on Monday.
Ronson broke it off with her last Friday, and hired five security guards to keep Lohan out of a party at the Chateau Marmont.
The next day, Ronson changed the locks on the Hollywood Hills home (and) on Monday, Ronson's mom and sister asked police about obtaining a restraining order.
"Everyone's turned on me." (She says) Nicole Richie walked by her and said "Uck," and Drea De Matteo said, "Come at me, bitch."
"I'm a f–king 22-year-old girl who's in love," she says. "I felt like I was in Mean Girls, but worse: Mean Girls was a movie."
Celebrities love comparing their life to movies they’ve done (just like athletes have to always mention their sport in every commercial. “You’ll catch a touchdown of savings at John Elway Ford”), so Lindsay better hope people remember Mean Girls because that was released this month five years ago, and its probably the only movie people ever saw her in. If they forget that she’s screwed. “Will my love life clear up, like my skin in the ProActive commercial? I hope so. If only the heart came with a money-back guarantee.”
Anna Faris is super hot, but not just super hot. She’s also really really funny. And let’s not forget super hot. And she looked fantastic last night for the premiere of “Something Something Movie”, the problem is that she and her awesome dress are standing in front of a six-foot Seth Rogan face. So if you ask these pictures out on a date like I did, when you make your move, Seth Rogans giant fuckin head is, not just looking at you, but pointing at his eyes, as if to say, “I see you, I see what you’re doing. And I’m going to tell.” I thought the solution was to photoshop a picture of me over Seth Rogan, as if she and I were in love, but it turns out – and I did not realize this before – the one thing more uncomfortable to masturbating while looking at a dude is masturbating while looking at a dude who is you. It’s like I jerked off on my twin.
(image source = wenn)
JESSICA SIMPSON – a Nashville web site says she has been dropped by her country record label. Her tour has, “been marked by fumbled songs, do overs and booing crowds.” How GD bad was it that a country music crowd boo'd Daisy Duke? What did she do, jack off a black guy? (ok!)
KAL PENN – has been hired by the White House as a liaison (wait, what) to help maintain communication between the President and Hollywood. Or to be a binding and thickening agent used in cooking. But probably that first one, the one about talking. (source = ap)
TRICIA HELFER – did you know that “Battlestar Galactica” star Tricia Helfer was in Playboy in 2007? Because I somehow did not. Which is surprising because I love Tricia Helfer and 2007. (source = playboy cyber club)
How can Lindsay say she’s not interesting and doesn’t do anything people would care about? She’s too hard on herself.
Lindsay Lohan is "devastated" after learning members of Sam Ronson's family are taking steps towards getting a restraining order (she’s) been an emotional wreck — crying uncontrollably.
We're also told Sam has cut off all communication with Lohan — and that Lindsay isn't handling it well. In fact, we're told people close to Lindsay are worried she "might lash out."
Luckily these Lohan’s are dumb as rocks, so even if she did have some idea about hurting someone, her plan would involve getting them to stand on a big red X under a safe hanging from a rope. She would end up covered in piranhas and quit long before it came to that.