Jon Hamm’s Got No Love For These

By author March 13, 2012 @ 12:32 PM

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Jon Hamm has joined the league of legitimate celebrities calling for the immediate death of all Kardashians which is no way a fictional group that I attempt to pray into existence daily. He did, however, say the exact same thing anyone with a functioning brain says about Kim. From ‘Elle UK’ via Huffpost Celebrity:

Whether it’s Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian or whoever, stupidity is certainly celebrated. Being a f**king idiot is a valuable commodity in this culture because you’re rewarded significantly.

To which Kim burned a valuable otherwise tit-filled tweet in response:

I just heard about the comment Jon Hamm made about me in an interview. I respect Jon and I am a firm believer that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and that not everyone takes the same path in life. We’re all working hard and we all have to respect one another. Calling someone who runs their own businesses, is a part of a successful TV show, produces, writes, designs, and creates, ‘stupid,’ is in my opinion careless.

BAM! Suck on that, Jon Hamm! There’s no greater comeback than telling someone to watch their mouth when they basically call your life worthless. You could interpret it as her inability to come up with a response that would evoke a shred of intellect like “At least I don’t star in a show that glamorizes the subjugation of women and minorities,” but I’m sure she was just trying to be the better person and take the high road.

(Image Source = Getty)

Charlie Sheen’s Sobriety Seems Like a Blast

By author March 13, 2012 @ 11:30 AM

Here’s a completely shit-faced Charlie Sheen after a Guns N’ Roses concert Friday night in LA. In case you somehow managed to miss his infamous public meltdown and subsequent bullshit claim of sobriety, we’ve come full cirlce. While I’m not stupid enough to have any delusions that this guy ever stopped funneling drugs and booze into his face like a weak-ass Tony Montana without all of the machine-gunning and incest, it’s always great to have proof. Honestly though, the best part of the video is his wranglers desperately shoving him into a car before he not only endorses Sarah Palin’s 2012 Presidential run (?) and coyly hints at his love of heroin. Anybody says “winning” right now, I burn this mother to the ground.

I added a bunch of Denise Richards bikini shots solely as an anti-drug PSA and not at all to laugh at what Charlie Sheen traded for hookers and meth.

(Image Source = Splash News, Video Source = TMZ)

Miley Cyrus Dressed Like a Gypsy Prostitute For The ‘Hunger Games’ Premiere

By author March 13, 2012 @ 10:00 AM

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Good morning loyal Durdenites, Durdenians? Whatever. I return to you as mystery writer by way of the same gypsy magic that turned Miley Cyrus’ steady diet of bong rips and dick cake into this body. Am I actually saying she looks good? I don’t know if its her sweet hillbilly cleavage or the dark chant coming from that caravan but my fingers won’t stop moving on this keyboard. Oh, sweet lord my hands are turning black! Run, RUN!!

(Image Source = Getty)

Aubrey O’Day Wants to be Taken Seriously Now

By author March 12, 2012 @ 4:30 PM

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In Aubrey O’Day’s recent interview with Huffpost Celebrity, she would have you believe that not only is she a serious businesswoman, but also the producers of her latest debacle, Celebrity Apprentice, actually altered their show plans to acquiesce her:

I literally have been underestimated my entire career,” she told The Huffington Post. “I think ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ has roles they want to fit people in and I was the sexy Playboy bunny role. A lot of people were surprised that I would be more than that and they had to restructure what to do with the show because of that.

She then goes on to mention Playboy three more times before moving on to her stunning business acumen.

I didn’t want Playboy to be my biggest achievement in life,” she said. “I asked them to use my two platinum albums … I don’t regret doing Playboy. I loved doing Playboy as much as I loved [doing] Broadway. I just don’t want it to be all anyone talks about.

Everyone knows the best way to change your slutty reputation is to publicly mention it multiple times on the internet, right? Anyway, let’s wind the clock back for a moment and look at her origin story. She started her journey to the public spotlight by dropping out of college and competing on the curiously titled ‘Making The Band 3.’ After essentially ruining that “band”, she pretended to be a lesbian for a while, then tank a reality show, pose for Playboy and ultimately land on Celebrity Apprentice. You know now that I’m looking at this chronologically, she could have done way worse. I suddenly don’t feel so bad about making this random gallery of appearances she’s made with her tits hanging out all over the place.

(Image Source = Fame/Flynet, Splash News)

Olivia Munn Responds to Hacked Pics, Swipes at Asian Wang

By author March 12, 2012 @ 3:30 PM

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Olivia Munn decided to parody her alleged hacked cell phone pics by photoshopping a green dong onto a red carpet shot of herself and writing a letter apologizing to SXSW attendees for her absence while simultaneously taking a shit on celebrities doing charity work. I know they say that there’s no such thing as bad PR, but even Charlie Sheen’s rep has to be thinking “Well, my life could be worse.” Included below is another red carpet gallery of Olivia. If you picture big green penises on them all, I swear they’re hilarious.

(Image Source = Getty, Splash News, WENN)

Justin Bieber Still Has a Lot to Learn About Swagger

By author March 12, 2012 @ 2:30 PM

Justin Bieber and his former swagger coach (yes I want to kill myself for typing that), Ryan Good, decided to visit their respective girlfriends, Selena Gomez and Ashley Benson while they shoot ‘Spring Breakers’ in Florida. Last fall, quivering 13 year olds all over the internet frantically reported that Ryan Good would move on to pursue his dreams and would no longer coach Justin Bieber on important things like how to layer his clothing. Turns out that dream included taking some underage kids to a bar, getting embarrassedly shit-faced, and being asked to leave halfway through his meal which he continued to eat on his way out the door. Reach for the stars, kids!

More to the point, what a missed opportunity for Justin to show his former teacher that he’s mastered the swag. Instead of turning beet red and covering his face while fleeing, he should have downed half a pina colada and slurred to Selena “Sirriusly gurl, I’mma murry you and have your babi–BLARGH!”

(Image Source = Fame/Flynet)

Lola Ponce Will Bind The International Community. With Her Bikini.

By author March 12, 2012 @ 1:00 PM

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I noticed that Lola Ponce has never been featured on the site, most likely just because she’s an Argentine singer with no discernable American credits. In an effort to correct this egregious omission and in the spirit of international diplomacy, let’s all gawk at her in a bikini. Can you tell I was asked to leave my middle school’s Model U.N. Club?

(Image Source = Splash News)

Rihanna’s Demure Night Out

By author March 12, 2012 @ 11:33 AM

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As a gesture of good faith since I decided not to incriminate myself by passing around stolen homemade porn, I’d like to offer up these pics of Rihanna drunkenly walking around NYC in a mesh top. And before you say she doesn’t even seem that drunk or that’s not really a nipple, just an optical illusion from that shirt, let me offer my rebuttal. Rihanna. Breasts. Go.