Joanna Krupa Doesn’t Know How To Fake Party

By Lex September 11, 2013 @ 2:49 PM

Joanna Krupa Gets Drunk Hosting A Party At Passion Nightclub In Hollywood FL
Outside of how to score blow in the world’s 20 hottest resort cities, it’s hard to imagine there’s anything Paris Hilton could teach anybody about anything. But I think she could teach Joanna Krupa about how to get only fake wasted when she’s the paid hostess at a nightclub event. You don’t actually chug the booze, a sip or two maybe, but you don’t get wasted. When you start doing lap dances and showing off your tits and pantomiming fellatio with foreign objects, you need to be in control of your faculties. At some point in the evening, the really wealthy guy with thick eyebrows is going to offer you a large amount of money to go around the world and you need to be able to haggle.

Photo Credit: Splash

A Prince Once Paid 500k To Sample Kristen Stewart’s Sour Puss

By Jack September 11, 2013 @ 2:01 PM

Fat Hollywood mogul Harvey Weinstein told the NY Times about the time he convinced Kristen Stewart to hang out with a middle-eastern prince for $500,000. It seems that an unnamed royal from one of those despotic kingdoms where we get our oil REALLY likes Twilight. I guess if you have that much money and have the power to have someone executed nobody makes fun of you for having the same taste as a teen girl on her first period. The prince approached Weinstein to arrange the date in which he would pay half a million dollars, upfront, in cash, for 15 minutes of Kristen Stewart’s precious fucking time.

What I don’t understand is why anyone would want to spend anytime at all with her. She seems like an utterly vile human with a constant scowl and a shitty attitude. Of all the celebs you could spend money to meet, why her? I don’t fucking get it. To me that was always the most unbelievable part of the whole Twilight thing. Why would two gay supernatural boys fight over that scrunchy-faced gila monster? Maybe the prince felt the same untamed lust Stewart’s director on Snow White felt before he went down on her muff and destroyed his marriage. Could Stewart’s vagina be so fucking magnetic that men are ruining themselves personally and financially just to have a taste? If you’ve got an extra $500K sitting around, maybe you can help us find out.

Sydney Leathers Protests Outside Weiner HQ

By Lex September 11, 2013 @ 1:02 PM

Sydney Leathers Protests Outside Anthony Weiner's Campaign Headquarters In New York
Sydney Leathers took time out of her busy schedule to protest one final time at the Weiner campaign headquarters. Staffers inside the offices paid little attention to Sydney as they were busy stealing office supplies from the officially failed campaign as fast as humanly possible. Nobody’s felt the pain of the Weiner sexting scandal more than Sydney Leathers who were it not for the randy ex-Congressman could still be enjoying her life of being a broke-ass online political message board commenter with skeevy tattoos. Now, just look at her. New boobs, some work on the face, cash from a sex tape, exposure on major media outlets, four HIV negative test results, and a new trumped up crappy song on iTunes for download. Weiner virtually fucked her but good. She should at least get a stapler and a box of pencils.

Photo Credit: Splash

Jenny McCarthy’s Titty View

By Lex September 11, 2013 @ 12:30 PM

Jenny McCarthy Shows Off Her Cleavage At The US Weekly's Most Stylish New Yorkers Party
Jenny McCarthy is the new token non-fugly hostess on The View, replacing Elizabeth Hasselback. Jenny whipped up a relationship with New Kids on the Block member and part-time restaurant worker Donnie Wahlberg just in time to bring him on the show as her new wonderful beau. Beau is the word the day time talk show demo will recognize as a romantic substitute for dude I’m letting fuck me to feel like I’m not getting old and irrelevant. Some people fear that Jenny McCarthy could use her new show as a platform to promote her hobby of scaring the shit out of moms into endangering their children. Others realize this is perhaps the only interesting thing about her.

Here’s Jenny showing off her enhanced yams at an US Weekly party. Just be careful. She draws you in with those bad boys then next thing you know you’re getting a lecture about how food is bad for your children and she highly recommends you never feed them again. It’ll seem to make sense at first because why would a woman you want to have sex with ever lie to you?

Photo Credit: PCN, Splash, WENN

Elisabetta Canalis Models Lormar Lingerie

By Lex September 11, 2013 @ 11:16 AM

Elisabetta Canalis Models Lingerie For Lormar Fall Winter Collection

Photo Credit: Lormar

Adriana Lima Is The Best At Charity

By Travis September 11, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Tennis star Novak Djokovic has raised a ton of money to improve the quality of life and education for children in Serbia through his foundation, and I’m sure he added another few million dollars to the pile after last night’s benefit dinner in New York City. I don’t really know what all of the guests at Novak’s dinner paid to attend, nor do I know what they got in return for their money, but when the event is attended by models like Adriana Lima, Candice Swanepoel, Camila Alves and Anne V., among others, I’m pretty sure they could serve Taco Bell before kicking everyone in the balls and guys would still pay $10,000 to show up and drool.

(Photo Credits: C.Smith/

Kim Kardashian’s Pregnant Photo Shoot Had To Be A Joke (VIDEO)

By Travis September 11, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Before giving birth to her daughter, North West, Kim Kardashian agreed to do a photo shoot for the fashion magazine CR Fashion Book, with Karl Lagerfeld calling the shots. Basically, they played dress-up with Kim, making her look like a circus clown and a pregnant stripper before they smeared jam all over her face and someone shouted, “That’s a wrap!” Either fashion is even dumber than we’d thought or these people were just fucking with Kim and Kris Jenner the whole time, in which case I hope the follow-up shoot is just people firing paintballs at her for an hour.

Someone Needs To Stop Lil Kim Already

By Travis September 11, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

Lil Kim performed last night at someone named Coleman’s new single release party at The Box in New York City because she’s trying yet again to mount a comeback at 39-years old, and all I can ask is, “Why?” Why is she still trying to pretend that anyone, except for her incredibly strange few fans, wants to watch her squeeze those legs into shorts that are too small for most toddlers, and then trot out some tired, old beats that she’s passing off as new songs? Unless her goal is to get millions of men to suddenly stop liking rap music, in which case this is an amazing plan.

(Photo Credits: Getty)