The Man With The World’s Largest Dick Feels For Jon Hamm

By Travis March 29, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Mad Men star Jon Hamm, seen above at the Season 6 premiere with his harem, has been pretty pissed off lately that people can’t seem to stop talking about his dick. It’s not like he’s furious that people are obsessed with his large member, but he thinks it’s an invasion of privacy because when he became an actor, he didn’t sign on for this. Because if there’s one thing that guys just can’t stand, it’s women wanting to impale themselves on their flesh swords.

There’s one guy out there who gets what Hamm is going through, and that is Jonah Falcon, who claims to have the world’s largest penis at 13.5-inches. Somewhere a black guy is laughing.

“I’m willing to bet his problem is his balls,” Falcon told The Huffington Post. “Balls cause the most bulges. His penis is not going down his pant leg like mine.”

Falcon has been known to wear bicycle shorts to accentuate the goods, but other times he takes pains to distract attention from his crotch by keeping his wallet, keys and other objects in his pockets.

“I prefer constriction myself,” Falcon said. “As you get older, your balls drop and need support. If it’s his penis that’s causing the problem, he can point it up like European men.” (Huffington Post)

Falcon obviously hasn’t seen the infamous picture, because the problem isn’t Hamm’s balls. If anything, it’s the thin material of his pants. He should try wearing something a little thicker, like six pairs.

Who cares what the man with the world’s largest dick thinks, though? I’d rather hear from the woman with the world’s largest unnatural breasts, Chelsea Charms. And by hear from her, I mean I want to stare at her gigantic breasts.

(Photo Credit: Getty)

Chumlee Got His Girlfriend A New Pair Of Tits To Show Her He Cares

By Steve G. March 29, 2013 @ 9:19 AM

Love don’t cost a thing,but fake tits can cost upwards of five grand. And that’s the price you apparently have to pay if you look like Chumlee from Pawn Stars and want to sleep with someone who looks like his “girlfriend” Tanya, and that’s on top of paying for a dinner for her and ELEVEN of her girlfriends among other things.

Sources close to Chum tell us, the perky new breasts were a recent birthday gift for his gf Tanya — but that wasn’t all he got her.

We’re told Chumlee also rented out a penthouse suite for him and his lady at the D Casino hotel last weekend, paid for several lavish dinners at the hotel’s Andiamo steakhouse — including one attended by Tanya’s 11 girlfriends — and even arranged fancy limo rides through Vegas for her and her family.


Chumlee seems like a nice enough guy, but for his sake I really hope Rick and the old man pay well enough to pull in a new Tanya after this one shows off those new assets, and ends up part of some NBA baller’s bad Vegas romp or the next Waka Flocka train. I don’t know, I just get that feeling that she’s the type of chick that just…I think you played your cards a little too early on this one big guy. That’s all I’m saying.

Westboro Church Leader Attacked By A Fat Naked Man (Video)

By Travis March 29, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

On Sunday, a 30-year old adult male who calls himself Mr. Eyelidz is going to be crucified on live television, thanks to the fine folks at and KILM television in Los Angeles. Eyelidz (or Robert Garrison as his parents once called him before giving up) is a sado-masochist, so he is going to enjoy having 12-inch iron nails hammered into his hands and feet before being left to hang on a giant wooden cross for seven hours. But it’s all in the name of Easter, according to liars.

Behind it all is billionaire Alki David, who owns both BattleCam and FilmOn, which runs KILM, and with all that cash, he’s certainly no stranger to PR stunts. For example, he’s launching a $100 million ad campaign to promote FilmOn as a brand new “free” TV streaming service, so what better way to kick start that campaign than with a man potentially killing himself live on a religious holiday?

Of course, not everyone is excited about this actual public crucifixion, especially David Phelps, the son of human trash fire and Westboro Baptist Church founder Fred Phelps. Because he’ll talk to anyone with a camera, David met up with some guy in an RV to remind everyone that “God hates fags” before a naked 500-pound man named Billy the Fridge emerged from the bathroom and tried to attack him.

It’s basically what Rush Limbaugh’s wife calls “Tuesday”.

Update: Apparently “David Phelps” is an actor named John Lothenore and the real David Phelps remains free of fat man assault. What a shame.

Vanessa Hudgens Bra Peek

By Lex March 29, 2013 @ 8:46 AM

Vanessa Hudgens Bra

Sometimes, when a girl shows her bra in public, she’s sending a message that she’s promiscuous and sexual. And in the other 99% of times, she just didn’t dress properly. But it’s so much more fun to imagine the one-percent. Not to say Vanessa Hudgens isn’t a sexual attention veteran, what with the cell phone pics of her barely legal cooch she transmitted right about the time Disney had a myocardial infarction, and her follow up ode to toplessness. Still, while my mind is imagining her body language belting out ‘ready to mount’, it’s still more likely her bra saying ‘stop shopping at Ross, you cheap bastard’.

Photo Credit: FlameFlyNet

Candice Swanepoel Does Another Hot Photoshoot (VIDEO)

By Lex March 28, 2013 @ 5:24 PM

I was locked in my bathroom innocently checking out Candice Swanepoel behind the scenes of yet another sexy photoshoot when I got confused by the virtual entry of a bunch of male models. Not confused in the way ten-percent of young boys get confused in middle school when they realize they like watching Glee. I mean, confused as in, why the fuck do they ruin a perfectly good female photoshoot with a bunch of topless dudes?

I don’t envy male models. They have to suck a lot of dick to work their way up the chain. They have to do tons of stomach crunches. I don’t want to have to do either of those things, which is why I chose not to enter that particular profession. Coincidentally, that profession felt the same way about me. Why a dude wants to be a male model, short of the very few who make a ton of dough, I don’t quite get. But mostly I just want them to go away and leave Candice videos alone.

Petra Benova Gets Bum Rushed

By Lex March 28, 2013 @ 3:57 PM

What happens when you’re a hot ass bikini model and you go to the beach with your friend and she’s got a nicer butt than you? You cap her ass? Tip your cap? Or just hope nobody is around with a camera? Model Petra Benova clearly got fucked on the latter when she met up with her girlfriend on Miami Beach and both girls took to pointing their butts in the direction of a photographer, who captured the two rumps side by side for comparison (Petra on the right, friend on the left).

Petra Benova has an ass you would not throw out of bed, let alone ever get into bed. But her friend, yep, it’s better. Probably just cost Petra a few modeling gigs. Bitch.

Photo credit: FF / PCN

Amanda Bynes is Good at Hiding

By Bobby J March 28, 2013 @ 3:25 PM

Amanda Bynes Trying to Hide in Times Square

Amanda Bynes, International Master of Disguise, was hiding in plain sight in New York’s Time Square with an invisibility cloak over her basketball sized face while wandering around yesterday and I’m sure no one noticed. Oh wait yes they did…

…the What I like About You actress looked like she was pretending to be a ghost while a second eyewitness notes that she was walking into things because she couldn’t see.

Maybe she’s trying to hide from Drake after shooting her mouth off on Twitter about wanting him to plow her. You know even a soft rapper’s gonna collect on a pussy debt. I’m sure a better disguise for walking into shops in New York City would be a ski mask and sunglasses. Armed shop owners in the city always love that look. It’s about time we read about Amanda Bynes and a crime where she wasn’t the perp.

Photo credit: Splash News

Oscar Pistorius Bounces

By Jack March 28, 2013 @ 2:46 PM

Cyborg probable murderer Oscar Pistorius was granted permission by a South African judge to travel overseas and compete. You’ll recall that the world famous Olympian was accused of shooting his girlfriend…. four times. According to Oscar, he thought she was just a super hot home invasion robber. Oscar was allowed out while his trial was set up but can now pretty much go about his life like before. It just goes to show you that things are the same all over the world. If you are rich and famous you get away with murder, sometimes literally. I say not only should this motherfucker not be allowed to leave the country, they should take away his fancy space age blade legs. Give him two wooden peg legs like a pirate and see if he can hobble away from justice. It’s rough, but less rough than being shot four times by the dude who you’re sleeping with.

Here’s model Reeva Steenkamp who Oscar Pistorious shot, four times, just to be sure she wasn’t getting up again.