Kelly Brook is very wise

By brendon January 17, 2012 @ 9:00 PM

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One advantage Kelly Brooks lingerie has over other brands of lingerie is that it’s modeled by Kelly Brook. That sly boots. I also like that she’s wearing high heels, because it makes me think that if she tried to run away I could catch her.

(image source = splash)

Katy Perry is a Sims character now

By brendon January 17, 2012 @ 6:17 PM

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Imagine if you could isolate everything bad about life with Katy Perry (incessant demands, god-awful music, dancing) and then combine that with never ever fucking her, or even staring at her tits. That would suck right?

Yeah that’s what I thought too. But she’s a new character in ‘The Sims 3: Showtime’ anyway.

I will predict however that at least Russell Brand will buy a copy, and then that “Katy Perry” will have a little “accident.”

Lindsay Lohan is totally in a real movie this time

By brendon January 17, 2012 @ 4:57 PM

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Lindsay Lohan told TMZ… pardon me, a “source” told TMZ, that Lindsay Lohan has so impressed casting directors around town with her new level of maturity and professionalism, than they’re practically fighting each other to get her in their new movies.

But Lindsay has now chosen the vehicle for her big comeback, and she’s decided on a scandalous Hollywood bio-pic, where she’ll be playing iconic legend Elizabeth Taylor, no less!

On the Lifetime Network!

Unless the producers can get Megan Fox, which would be their preference.

“I’ve been talking to Lindsay Lohan directly, and with her reps, and have been in conversations with other actresses, including Megan Fox,” Larry Thompson, the executive producer of Lifetime’s Liz and Dick, told E! News exclusively.
“It’s a very serious selection,” Thompson continued. “It’s like casting for Hollywood royalty.”

Indeed it is. That’s why the last two actors to play her were none other than Sherilyn Fenn and Liliana Pinto. Oh yes, my friends. Lindsay is big time now.

The only question left is; how will they work it so Lindsay can still film her important roles in the Spiderman and Superman reboots, and to play Linda Lovelace and Kim Gotti. Because Lindsay said she was doing those too. I hope this new movie won’t interfere. The poor dear really has a full plate.

Opie and Anthony offer Kris Jenner 250K for Khloe proof

By brendon January 17, 2012 @ 3:25 PM

Despite the fact that we can look right at them, Kris Jenner still insists that her daughters Kim Kardashian (who looks like Princess Jasmine), Kourtney Kardashian (who looks like Princess Jasmine), and Khloe Kardashian (who looks like Bigfoot) all have the same father. It’s actually kind of insulting. So today Opie and Anthony offered Kris $250,000 to prove it. All she has to do is arrange the DNA tests that prove Robert Kardashian was Khloes father. And since she’s of course telling the truth, this should be easy money for Jenner.

Opie even offered to give the money directly to a charity if thats what Kris wants, so some good can come out of this. Granted in this case the charity she would chose would be “the Prada store”, to benefit their “handbags for old ladies” program, but it’s the thought that counts.

Todd Glass has come out of the closet

By brendon January 17, 2012 @ 2:56 PM

Stand-up comedian Todd Glass, who you may know from ‘Tosh.0′ or, um… other episodes of ‘Tosh.0′, announced that he’s gay yesterday while a guest on Marc Marons podcast. When asked what prompted him to come out now, Glass said he could no longer sit back and do nothing about the growing number of suicides committed by gay youths.

Wait, what?

“I cannot listen to stories about kids killing themselves any longer without thinking [to myself], ‘When are you going to have a little blood on your shirt for not being honest about who you are?’” said Glass.

I’m sure the gay community appreciates the effort, but I’m guessing they’d also have preferred someone more famous. If I were a young gay kid, having Todd Glass want to fuck me would only drive me to suicide faster.

Cameron Diaz has still got it

By brendon January 17, 2012 @ 1:32 PM

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For like, I don’t know, ten years maybe, I’ve been saying that Cameron Diaz is actually a fucking monster, despite what leading magazines would like you to believe, and if people would just open their eyes and look at her they’d realize how alarmingly ugly she is, and has been for a long time now.

I will concede that she did have one brief window a decade ago where she was kind of cute, but there’s a brief window where a puppy pee’ing on your carpet is kind of cute too. Cameron Diaz is like that. Except the dog is smarter.

(image source of cameron in beverly hills saturday night = getty)

Amanda Heard at the 5th annual Heaven Gala

By brendon January 16, 2012 @ 6:09 PM

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Amber Heard would probably be annoyed to know that I imagine her having sex with other girls every time I see her, but she should have thought of that before she started having sex with other girls. So if she’s not mature enough to admit that there’s a lot of blame to go around on this, well then quite frankly I guess Amber just has a lot of growing up to do.

(image source of amber saturday night at elysiums 5th annual heaven gala, whatever the hell that is = splash, getty and wenn)

BREAKING NEWS: Madonna is a narcissistic cunt

By brendon January 16, 2012 @ 4:46 PM








Madonna beat out Elton John to win the Golden Globe for Best Original Song last night, and, naturally, she used her acceptance speech as a chance to thank herself for being so wonderful. She spoke for less than 2 minutes, and 26 of the 204 words she used were some version of “I” or “me”.

0 of the words she used were some version of “we” or “our”.

This did not go unnoticed by the crowd who sat in silence every time she tried to be cute, or by Elton Johns husband David Furnish, who went on his Facebook and wrote:

“Madonna. Best song???? F**k off!!!”
“Madonna winning Best Original Song truly shows how these awards have nothing to do with merit. Her acceptance speech was embarrassing in its narcissism.”

But it was all worth it to hear Madonna tell the crazy story about how the song got made. First someone suggested she do it, and then she did it. What a wild ride! Only in Hollywood, you guys!

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