A few weeks ago, Uma Thurman was leaving an office with her new baby girl (born July 15th), but before going down some stairs, she was covered in a tarp. Because nothing bad could happen while you’re blindly walking under a tarp carrying a baby.
Oh wait, yes it could. You could trip and kill the fucking thing. It was like a magic trick. The baby was in my arms, now it’s in the street under that cab. Ta-da!
And clearly her parenting skills havent gotten any better since then because yesterday she announced her daughters name for the first time, but don’t say it out loud three times or you might summon a ghost. Her name is:
Amazingly, that’s still not enough names to choose from and they actually call her ‘Luna’. If this poor girl ever has to write her full name on a standard form it’s gonna look like she just drew a straight line.
(image source of uma and rosalind arusha arkadina altalune florence = fame/flynet)
Flavor Flav was arrested in Las Vegas early yesterday morning for domestic violence, because apparently you’re not allowed to chase people around the house with knives anymore. Oh, I’m sorry, I thought this was America.
According to the Vegas police report, the argument between the rapper and his 39-year-old fiancee started over accusations Flav had cheated on her — and quickly turned violent, with Flav grabbing his fiancee and throwing her to the ground twice.
Wow. Flav is 53, drunk, and weighs 100 pounds. This chick needs to work out.
Flav’s fiancee claims her earring was ripped out during the altercation … and her 17-year-old son jumped in to defend her.
Not to defend his actions, but what did this lady think was gonna happen when she started dating Flava Flav. Did she think they were gonna go to his lake house and read a book by the fire with a golden retriever at their feet? No, when you date Flava Flav, it’s cheating, chaos, and knife fights.
At that point, Flav grabbed two knives and chased her son around the house — eventually kicking down a locked door to get to him. Flav then allegedly threatened to kill him.
Wasn’t that threat pretty much implied when he chased after the kid with two knives? Yeah, Flav, we get it. You’re not exactly subtle.
It seems almost certain now that Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake will get married in Ravello, Italy, at some point in the next few days, as guests (including Andy Samberg) began to arrive in Naples yesterday. They even had a big party on the beach with a massive fireworks display, so I included pictures of that in case you don’t know what fireworks are. You’re welcome.
Danny Huston is a perfectly capable and likable actor (among many other parts he played Stryker in ‘Wolverine’) and he’s the son of legendary director John Huston, but he apparently dates Olga Kurylenko, the hot girl from ‘Quantum of Solace’ and ‘Hitman’, and that’s amazing because she is way way way out of his league. She’s so beautiful she doesn’t even have to be an actress; she could charge guys to piss and shit on them and make 10 million a year.
This first full trailer for ‘Jack Reacher’ is a little underwhelming, and it really should have kept the name ‘One Shot‘, but it’s directed by the great Christopher McQuarrie and produced by Skydance, which is as close as you can get to a sure thing in Hollywood. It even has Werner Herzog as the villain. Every single person involved with this is smart and really good at making movies, it has to be good.
Still, they probably should have found a way to add that fat little redneck girl Honey Boo-Boo, because most people are morons, and there’s only so much quality one movie can have before that approach backfires.
If Megan Fox wanted to, she could very definitely be like Jennifer Lopez and whore out her pregnancy to the media for all kinds of interviews and million dollar deals for pictures. But she’s not, so instead she quietly went through her pregnancy and had her baby. Last month.
And no one knew it until today, when she made a simple announcement on her facebook:
“We have been very lucky to have had a peaceful few weeks at home, but I would like to release this myself before others do. I gave birth to our son Noah Shannon Green on September 27th. He is healthy, happy, and perfect.
We are humbled to have the opportunity to call ourselves the parents of this beautiful soul and I am forever grateful to God for allowing me to know this kind of boundless, immaculate love.
Thanks to those of you who wish to send your positive energy and well wishes. May God bless you and your families abundantly.”
Again, Megan Fox is awesome. If you sent Mariah Carey or Beyonce “positive energy” after they had their baby they’d tell you to go fuck yourself. If you’re not bringing chests of gold, frankincense, and myrrh, or a diamond teddy bear with rubies for eyes, don’t even bother to show up.
(image source of megan leaving a doctors office in beverly hills on september 23rd, 4 days before she gave birth = fame/flynet)
She still seems really cool, and he still seems like a little douche, but Jessica Biel is still gonna marry Justin Timberlake anyway, and now the hot rumor is that she’s gonna do it in the next few days in Italy.
“The wedding is top-secret,” a close friend of the couple tells Life & Style. “Save-the-dates went out in the spring and little information was given. Guests were warned that any phones or cameras would be confiscated, so best to leave them at the hotel.”
In fact, the wedding’s so confidential, even loved ones had to sign confidentiality agreements and weren’t even informed of the venue!
“They were told just to fly to Italy,” shares an insider.
If I’m one of their closest friends or family, and I’m frisked at the door to make sure I don’t have my phone, this wedding better be in the fucking Batcave. “Come to this secret address, but don’t tell anyone where you’re going, and don’t bring your phone.” It sounds more like a lazy kidnapping than a wedding.
Most girls would just take a guys hand to steady themselves, but Katy Perry went right for John Mayers dick last night as she very cautiously stepped off a curb, as if she thought the street might be made of lava.
So maybe she’s a perv, or maybe Mayer just looked very handsome in his little outfit. With that greaser hair they should go to a carnival and sing “You’re The One That I Want” to each other.