Santa Con Gets a Crappy Rap

December 16, 2014 | Photos | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Every year the media lays into the idiotic drunk costumed Santas who bar crawl around Manhattan until they start puking in the streets. It’s not nearly as genteel as the St. Patrick’s Day parade when everybody sips near beer... READ MORE

Mama June Pouch Porn And Shit Around The Web

December 16, 2014 | crap around the web | editor| 0 Comments

Vivid just offered Mama June, of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo fame, 1 million dollars to make a fuck the folds porno. It’s one of Vivid’s regular publicity stunts to make such an offer to women in the news.... READ MORE

Kayla Swift Has Wet Boobs, That’s a Thing

December 15, 2014 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

This chick might only have one pose, but like a Rivera cutter, that might just be enough. Turn back to the left, pour bottled water over your fantastic tits, pretend your dad didn’t want a boy. Wet t-shirt modeling... READ MORE

Bradley Cooper’s Teen Girlfriend Seems Fun

December 15, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I’m pretty sure Bradley Cooper paid some desk clerk at the Hague to change this chick’s birth certificate to read eighteen so he won’t get flagged by Interpol. If you love young girls, that’s a trouble worth going to.... READ MORE

Barbara Walters Embracing Old Age with More Selling Out

December 15, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

You’d think you’d get to some age when you tell the world, fuck you, I’m shit tired of selling out. Barbara Walters had seven billion people to choose from for her insipid Most Fascinating Person of the Year honorific.... READ MORE

Paris Hilton Has No Bra, Wins Award

December 15, 2014 | Photos | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

All the big names in European third wave popular music gathered at the suspiciously unheard of NRJ Awards in Cannes to celebrate their horribleness. Paris Hilton captured the attention of the crowd with her tits while a gang of... READ MORE

Kristen Stewart Takes Her Lesbian for a Walk

December 15, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Spurned by jealousy of her famous ex-boyfriend and the God who punished her with a pretty face, Kristen Stewart has begun locking herself into the Anger Expression room of her house with her butch assistant. It’s the kind of... READ MORE

Serena Williams Seems Unstoppable

December 15, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Serena Williams launched her own 5K charity run in Miami over the weekend. The event was considered a huge success even though nobody showed up except for the team of scientists the government pays to study Serena’s powerful haunches... READ MORE

Bill Cosby Bets on Black

December 15, 2014 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

I don’t know what Billy Cosby’s big bucks attorney is advising him, but the primary recommenation should probably involve some form of shutting the fuck up. Even if you pen some really clever lies, there’s nothing you could say... READ MORE

Jerry Garcia Was a Lover

December 15, 2014 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

A model Jerry Garcia penned a couple squeamishly shy love letters to in the 1980’s is parting with her keepsakes for a few bucks at auction. Jerry Garcia was so intensely counterculture, he didn’t even bang hot models because... READ MORE