John Travolta is totally not gay you guys

By brendon June 26, 2012 @ 4:47 PM

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John Travolta was one of the big stars walking the red carpet for the premiere of ‘Savages’ last night in Hollywood, and despite some crazy rumors lately claiming he likes men, he was all over Kelly Preston. Who is a lady. And she was kissing him too, with all the passion of someone who was forced to do it as part of court-ordered community service. So clearly he’s not gay and they’re happily married.

Chuck Norris wants the Boy Scouts to be homo-free

By brendon June 26, 2012 @ 4:22 PM

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Chuck Norris has written an article for ammoland.com saying the Boy Scouts of America should continue to discriminate against gay people, despite the fact that it’s illegal and that they’re the only two groups of men who wear vests and handkerchiefs.

“A Boy Scouts of America national board member, James Turley, who is also CEO of Ernst & Young, recently said he “will work from within to seek a change” to overturn the BSA policy that bans gay Scouts and leaders.
Is it a coincidence that Turley … has such close affiliations with the pro-gay Obama administration?”

Turley, seen here with George Bush, was a member of Rudolph Guilianis finance team when he ran for President in 2008, but Chuck see’s right through that clever little ruse and knows Turley is actually some pinko liberal queer. Ya have to wake up pretty early in the morning to fool Chuck Norris.

Lindsay put a gun to her head (we should be so lucky)

By brendon June 26, 2012 @ 1:41 PM

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Let’s just ignore that she fucks this up from the the very first picture and shows that the clip is empty and the barrel is plugged, because in her latest desperate attempt to make people talk about her, Lindsay Lohan has posed for yet another “shocking” photo shoot with dimwitted hack Terry Richardson.

But since this is the same kind of crap they always do, it’s the exact opposite of shocking. “Shocking” would be if these were paparazzi pictures of her quietly studying a script, then arriving at work the next morning on time and sober. I’d fall out of my fucking chair if they showed that.

Jennifer Lopez wore a bikini, buried a man alive

By brendon June 26, 2012 @ 1:04 PM

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Jennifer Lopez and her boyfriend Casper Smart helped her twins Max and Emme bury someone up to his neck on the beach in Rio yesterday. It’s as if someone told her what it would take to get me to listen to a Jennifer Lopez song and she’s practicing.

(image source = pacific coast)

50 Cent is in the hospital

By brendon June 26, 2012 @ 10:11 AM

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50 Cent clings to life at a university hospital after being viciously attacked by a pack of wild dogs in an abandoned pool. Wait, no. I’m thinking of ‘Anchorman’. 50 is in the hospital because his SUV was hit by a truck. But was his SUV bullet-proof? Let’s go to 50′s website and find out.

50 Cent was in a bad accident tonight as his bullet-proof SUV (note: A-HA!) was rear-ended by a Mack truck on the LIE in NYC.
He was put on a stretcher and taken to the nearest Queens hospital where they are currently running test on his neck and back.

Oh so guns are useless but Mack trucks might break his neck? I Think 50 Cents website is trying to kill him.

Aubrey O’Day has emotional support dogs

By brendon June 25, 2012 @ 10:07 PM

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Aubrey O’Day posted this picture on her instagram (side note: i fucking hate instagram. why can’t you navigate around on that piece of shit? if you use it i sincerely hate you) from first class on Virgin America, which allowed her two dogs to fly with her because they’re classified as Emotional Support Animals. So yes, you can’t bring nail clippers, but you can bring live dogs.

Which I dont really care about except just last week I learned you can bring an Emotional Support Pony on a plane too.

You can bring a pony.

On a fucking plane. And it doesn’t even need a ticket.

All you need is a note from a doctor saying you get nervous. And then you can fly around with a pony. That would be awesome. I’d seriously rather have that than the co-pilot.

its Jenny McCarthys new Playboy cover

By brendon June 25, 2012 @ 4:52 PM

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Respected medical researcher Jenny McCarthy will be in Playboy again this month, and hopefully she’ll talk some more about the causes of autism. What are those causes? I have no idea, and neither does Jenny. Which is why she’s showing her tits in Playboy again.

Jessica Simpson is easily satisfied

By brendon June 25, 2012 @ 2:10 PM

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Jessica Simpson posted this picture on twitter this weekend, with the caption…

“Just taking a walk around the block… Street legal???”

Our shitty, invasive government will no doubt start jailing people for it soon enough but for now it is still legal to walk around the block, so I’m not entirely sure what she’s asking. I suppose she’s bragging about the size of her tits, but they’re only this big because she just had a kid and weighs 300 pounds. I don’t appreciate all these quantifiers and subtext when I’m trying to leer at women on the internet.