JWoww wants to pose for Playboy again

By brendon February 17, 2011 @ 5:38 PM

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Back in September, JWoww was offered $400,000 to pose fully naked in Playboy. Amazingly, and I say that because I assume she’s kind of slutty, she turned it down.

But not for good, as it turns out. E! says…

“…I do feel like it’s a strong thing for women to do. And as long as they cover up certain parts, I’m good,” she laughed. “We have to cover up the vajajay cooka. And then it’s like, Why not? You see my boobs out half the time anyway.”

Yes, exactly. So what’s the point. It’s Playboy. If she’s not gonna take her clothes off, why bother. If strategically placed hands were so great, I could have spent my teens jacking off to ads for dishwashing liquid.

(image source = getty)

The Kardashians made $65 million last year

By brendon February 17, 2011 @ 4:30 PM

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The Kardashians don’t actually do anything of course, and you could very definitely argue they would be doing even less if Kim didn’t have really big tits and make a sex tape, but she does and she did, and so now the Hollywood Reporter says the family grossed a collective 65 million dollars in 2010.

These days, Kim reportedly charges as much as $25,000 to mention a brand in a tweet — and most family members include a “Twitter clause” in their contracts.
One talent wrangler tells THR that Kim can charge up to $100,000 to $250,000 to appear at an event — and even $1 million abroad.
Jenner isn’t shy about how long she’d like to sustain her brood’s success. “My fantasy is to have Keeping Up With Kardashians, Season 26…Who knew it would be this profitable? I should have had more kids.”

Ok that last part was a little chilling, but not nearly as disturbing as the fact that the Kardashians made more than Angelina Jolie, Sandra Bullock and Tom Cruise, combined. Stunning, right? So take that Sandra Bullock! Look at you, talkin shit the whole time. Not so tough now, are you!

this is how Karissa Shannon changes a tire

By brendon February 17, 2011 @ 2:38 PM

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Karissa Shannon and her drug dealer boyfriend Sam Jones got a flat tire yesterday, and to make matters worse, it was raining too. So to make sure her shirt didn’t get wet, Karissa took it off and changed the tire in her bra.

The bad news is that these might be the laziest staged photos we’ve ever seen.

The good news is that these two almost certainly died about a mile after getting back into the car because I question how much torque she’s getting on that wrench while standing 3 feet away and bent over with her legs straight, or while pushing her tits together. I’m no mechanic but that really doesn’t look right.

(image source = pacific coast)

Lady Gaga is better like this

By brendon February 17, 2011 @ 1:13 PM

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And by “like this” I mean facing the other way and essentially naked from the back. Because like this she looks pretty good. Unfortunately she has to turn around at some point.

If we were having sex, and she was on her hands and knees, and then she looked back at me over her shoulder, I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that I would scream.

(image source = inf daily and pacific coast)

Adrianne Palicki is our new Wonder Woman

By brendon February 17, 2011 @ 10:23 AM

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Deadline says today that Adrianne Palicki of Friday Night Lights has not only won the role of Wonder Woman in the new NBC series, but she was the only actress even invited to test for it.

Unfortunately that’s not Palicki in the headline. That’s Denise Milani. Palicki is apparently a good actress, HitFix seems to think she’s perfect for this, but it won’t really matter.

Let’s not kid each other; Wonder Woman is pretty useless. Her only weapon is a lasso. A rope, with a hoop on the end. You ever been in a bad neighborhood and thought, “man, if only I had a rope with a hoop on the end right now.” If your baby calf is running away, there’s no one more qualified to help than Wonder Woman. Other than that she’s basically a tall Hooters waitress who took some tae-bo classes.

This show is actually fascinating because it could be one of the most shockingly bad and confusing shows to ever air on television. The Daily Beast got a copy of the script for the pilot, and suffice to say that Diana Prince/Wonder Woman is a bit different now.

Los Angeles-based mega-billionaire Diana—who collects planes and a multitude of transforming aircraft called “Ultimates” (no invisible plane in sight here)—as she attempts to take down an evil pharmaceutical company run by morally corrupt scientist Veronica Cale, who is mass-producing a human-growth hormone that is causing its users, mostly black inner city youth, to die. Along the way, she tackles criminals, a Senate subcommittee, and a broken heart, the latter courtesy of lost love Steve Trevor.

She also has some third identity; “mousy assistant Diana Price”.

Go ahead and read that again you want. You can read it every day until you’re a hundred and it’s still not gonna make an ounce of sense. I was hoping they’d at least cast some hot piece of ass with big tits. Like they did with Lynda Carter. I’d watch a home movie about my girlfriend being gangbanged if they stuck a topless picture of Lynda Carter in the corner. But no. No they didn’t do that.

afternoon headlines

By brendon February 16, 2011 @ 7:43 PM

Vanessa Hudgens

AMANDA SEYFRIED – moved into a new house today, but without the help of her boyfriend Ryan Phillipe. Probably because he was busy hitting on Rihanna. But what do you expect, he’s not magic, he can’t be in two places at once. Be reasonable. (us.com)

GLEE – has only been on the air for 2 seasons, but they’ve now had 113 songs on the Billboard Top 100, breaking the previous record of 108, held by Elvis. Hopefully this little fact won’t get mentioned in a Memphis hate crime trial at some point. (e!)

HALLE BERRY – and her ex Gabriel Aubry have reached an amicable custody arrangement for their daughter. At least that’s what the headline implied. I got pretty bored after that. (huff post)

VANESSA HUDGENS – gets it. Even in New York, in February, she still wears really short dresses that show off her legs. But not too short. Hopefully someone was nice enough to point out that you can’t see her vagina, even if you look really hard. I bet she would appreciate that.

Miley Cyrus got really fat, really fast

By brendon February 16, 2011 @ 6:22 PM

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Miley Cyrus is under a great deal of stress these days, and obviously I’m just joking because to be honest I’m not even sure what the hell it is she does. Other than eat, apparently.

It probably goes without saying that these pictures were taken as Miley and her mom were on their way to a restaurant. My sources tell me Miley was insulted when the waiter gave her a spoon to use instead of her fingers for the can of frosting she brought in her purse. “Oh. My. God. What is this, the freakin White House,” she yelled.

(image source = fame)

Kate Moss was drunk, horny and in a sex shop

By brendon February 16, 2011 @ 4:25 PM

Kate Moss Relaxing Poolside With Family In Rio

On any given day, depending on what time it is, Kate Moss will either be getting drunk, drunk or passed out drunk. Guess which one she was when she was in a sex shop slapping her face with a dildo and then blowing it.

BOOZED-UP bride-to-be Kate Moss bought NINE sex toys and went wild on an outrageous visit to a Soho shop. Kate, 36, who fell over TWICE, kept yelling: “I’m horny and I’m in a sex shop.”
An onlooker told us: “She was totally drunk and collapsed on the floor … Then she started squirting strawberry flavour lube all over the place and playing with a big black sex toy. She was hitting the side of her face with it. Then she put her mouth over it, simulating oral sex, and rubbed it up and down after smothering it with lube.”

Uhh, I really hope they made her buy that. The dildo with Kate’s saliva all over it. Otherwise some unsuspecting slut is gonna go home and jam that thing inside of them, probably good and deep too, like someone packing an old musket. You might as well dip the thing in cobra venom.

(image source = flynet)