Ke$ha is Being Edgy Again

By Travis November 27, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Whenever Ke$ha defends herself against her critics, she claims that we’re all just people who aren’t in on the joke. But the thing about jokes is that when they’re not funny, people don’t always get them, so maybe it’s time that Ke$ha did herself a favor and explained the joke to everyone. Because otherwise I’m going to keep thinking that she’s a pop star who rose to fame because she’s Paris Hilton’s friend, and she decided that she’d overshadow her musical talents by dressing like a low-rent Lady Gaga, in her stupid “All Eyes On Me” outfit, and saying things about ghost rape for shock value. Or maybe she just needs to start every conversation with “Knock knock,” because I get those jokes.

Photo Credits: WENN.com

Joanna Krupa Just Wants to Eat in Peace

By Travis November 27, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Polish model Joanna Krupa went out for dinner at Mr. Chow in Beverly Hills last night, and it appears that the Real Housewives of Miami star just wanted a little privacy for once in her hectic life. Of course, if you look at these photos like they’re a flipbook about a full of shit mid-30s woman who lets her tits pop out while she’s walking her dog and posts half-nude pictures to Instagram all the time trying to remain relevant, they make a lot more sense, as she starts out like, “Please, not now, I’m just trying to have a nice dinner” and ends with, “Is this my good side? Yes, this is my good side. Hi, I’m Joanna Krupa, watch my show.”

Photo Credits: Winston Burris/WENN.com

Courtney Stodden Needed More Boning

By Lex November 26, 2013 @ 7:58 PM

Courtney Stodden Poses In Lingerie For Nuts Magazine

Here’s something your mother may not tell you when you’re 15 and you meet a 50-year old man online — don’t believe the hype. How will you take it when your older online pervert needs a nap after just twenty minutes of spanking you for being a naughty schoolgirl? Sure, he has teen kidnap and rape fantasies, but can he climb a ladder steal you from your parent’s house without having a cardiac incident? In a post-break up interview, 19 year old Courtney Stodden alludes to her older husband’s lack of sexual oomph as a major factor in her reason for splitting up:

Stodden has a voracious sexual appetite and it played a role in the break up. She admits to being ” a young girl who wants to experience sex of all kinds” and that as Hutchison aged, he was “slowing down a little bit.” She freely expressed, “I just wanted more sex.”

In other words, back to the online boards to find a younger guy who will serve as your gay purse holding mannequin in between rounds of pounding your needy vagina. But it won’t be easy for Courtney who carries fresh wounds from her recent divorce and also just fresh wounds on various parts of her body.

Stoning Is Back, Finally

By Lex November 26, 2013 @ 6:54 PM

You really don’t know how much you miss something until it’s gone. The whole NATO incursion into Afghanistan kind of fucked up a lot of the long standing local recreational outlets. Floggings, lashings, and even pederastic rape are harder to find in the major cities. Thankfully, the Karzai government in Afghanistan is bringing back stoning to death as reasonable punishment for committing adultery, or, you know, just being called a home-wrecker by the girls at the salon. And it’s about time. I don’t know many real life people, but I do watch a good amount of television and I’ve been noticing in a lot of shows recently where somebody finds out that their partner is cheating on them, but they eventually forgive them because they realize they weren’t giving them the love or attention they deserved. Fuck that softie bullshit. Bring out the rocks and let the community have a little relationship justice. We don’t understand this in our backward thinking Western culture, but Afghanistan does, and you don’t just get to be a country with almost five percent of the population having indoor plumbing without being forward thinking. Stoning fixes everything before it even breaks. Sure you’re just going on a spa weekend with Debbie. Don’t make me get the rocks, woman!

Frankie Essex And Chloe Sims in Bikinis

By Lex November 26, 2013 @ 5:55 PM

Frankie Essex And Chloe Sims Play Around In The Bikinis Poolside In Australia
These two reality show girls are considered the Kardashians of England. I think that means they have big fake yabbos and will sleep with whoever Kris Jenner tells them to. Before the Kardashians, you had to be more creative in your put downs of skanky fame whores. Now you need only pull Kardashian out of your literary pocket and everybody shakes their head like they know exactly what you mean. You can dive even deeper and say, hey, that blonde one’s the Khloe, and everybody will understand that you’d want to dim the lights.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Kim Kardashian’s Publicist Has Her Tweet That She And Kanye Are Cool With Being Spoofed

By Lex November 26, 2013 @ 5:28 PM

Kanye West Performs With Jesus And Lies Down Onstage At Madison Square Garden

Yeezus doesn’t like being mocked. Or talked to or even looked at or acknowledged in any manner save for applause and prayers, naturally. So when Kim Kardashian tweeted that Kanye thought Seth Rogen and James Franco’s parody of Kanye’s Bound 2 music video was rip-roaring hilarious, the truth meter committed seppuku:

“Kanye says what’s up!.He loves u guys! He laughed so hard at this.” — Kim Kardashian Tweet to Seth Rogen

Earlier Kim had Tweeted: “You nailed it!!! Sooo funny!” As a little reminder on decoding celebrity Tweets. one exclamation point means regular old lying. Multiples means P.R. agent lying. Or, you can just take a moment and imagine Kanye laughing at himself. I know, I can’t either. He’s scared of Kim, but he probably beat a few of his more submissive apostles into mid-range comas.

Photo Credit: WENN

Emily Ratajkowski Is Perfect

By Lex November 26, 2013 @ 4:52 PM

Emily Ratajowski Poses Nude For A Photoshoot By Tony Duran
Emily Ratajkowski seems to be comfortable with her body. It must be liberating to be a woman and know that your tits are absolutely perfect. When you get to catty talk with your friends about whose boobs you could have if you could have any in the world, you say your own. And you mean it. All the other women politely laugh, but deep down they hate you and you don’t care. Because your perfect tits are more than enough to keep your heart warm.

Photo Credit: Tony Duran

Courtney Love Gets High on Charity

By Lex November 26, 2013 @ 3:56 PM

Courtney Love Shows Off Her Cleavage At Jony And Marc's (RED) Auction In New York
You simply can’t keep a good woman down. Or Courtney Love, who would not be denied an appearance at the Sotheby’s RED Auction, which she found only after three stops at various Sbarro locations looking for a guy she thought stole her earrings the night before. The RED auction brings together rich people to lay down six-figures for designer computers and earbuds with all the proceeds going to fight The AIDS, Tuberculosis, and Malaria around the world. We call it ATM in the industry. Bono even sang about something that made everybody cry and thirteen million dollars was raised. Big shot Bill Gates matched that shit with thirteen more million he had loose in his pocket. Courtney Love offered to let him fuck her clenched armpit by way of thanks.

Photo Credit: Getty, WENN