Jim Carrey “turned his back” on Jenny McCarthys son

By brendon June 06, 2012 @ 12:32 PM

alternate-us-headline

Us magazine says that Jenny McCarthy is deeply hurt because Jim Carry no longer spends time with her 10-year old son, something she apparently didn’t anticipate when she and Carrey broke up two years ago.

McCarthy says Carrey has completely turned his back on McCarthy’s autistic son Evan, 10, following their 2010 split.
“I’ve tried to ask Jim numerous times to see Evan, because my son still asks (about him) almost weekly.”
“I tell Evan that someday you’ll cross paths, meet again. . . [but] it’s hard. He’s been in therapy. It’s a process, he’s working on it.”

“That seems totally reasonable,” said a guy who works at Budget car rental. “Jenny rented a Ford Mustang from us last summer, and I feel she should come by now and then and fill it with gas, and maybe put new tires on it, before we have to put it in therapy like some kind of fag.”

(image source of jenny filming a segment on ‘extra’ – wenn, fame/flynet)

Taylor Swift “humiliated” John Mayer

By brendon June 06, 2012 @ 11:01 AM

taylor_swift

John Mayer tells Rolling Stone that he was humiliated by Taylor Swift, perhaps because she laughed when he took his pants off for the first time, a pain I know all too well, though in hindsight I wish I had read the article first before volunteering that.

Mayer says that he was “really humiliated” by Taylor Swift’s song “Dear John,” which (she) allegedly wrote about him.
“It made me feel terrible. Because I didn’t deserve it. I’m pretty good at taking accountability now, and I never did anything to deserve that. It was a really lousy thing for her to do.”
“I never got an e-mail. I never got a phone call. I was really caught off-guard.”

At that point he stopped with the personal insults. And started with the profesional ones.

“I will say as a songwriter that I think it’s kind of cheap songwriting. I know she’s the biggest thing in the world, and I’m not trying to sink anybody’s ship, but I think it’s abusing your talent to rub your hands together and go, ‘Wait till he gets a load of this!’ That’s bullshit.”

Well then John should abuse his talent too and write a song called “678-61-9134″, or whatever her social security number is, and then have lyrics like, “Taylor Swift, who lives on 612 Doheny Road in Beverly Hills…” And then he could be like Taylor again and deny that the song is about anyone in particular, and really just about relationships in general. I hear ya John, I’ve been there too, buddy.

(image source = fame/flynet)

Miley Cyrus is engaged

By brendon June 06, 2012 @ 8:28 AM

1338984712_liam-hemsworth-miley-cyrus-467

Get out your best rope belt and fanciest vittles, because Miley Cyrus is engaged to Thors brother (Liam Hemsworth, not Loki).

She’s just 19 and he’s only 22, but they’ve dated for the past 3 years and feel now is as good a time as any to fuck up their lives. Her first step will be to make sure the Country Bear Jamboree is free to play at the reception.

AnnaLynne McCord has a popsicle

By brendon June 05, 2012 @ 5:06 PM

annalynne_mccord_bikini_popsicle

It was a hot day at the beach in LA, so AnnaLynne McCord had a popsicle called the Big Stick, and if only there was some kind of joke to be made about her on her back getting hotter and wetter until she finally took that Big Stick in her mouth and finished it off with her tongue.

I may have to come back to this one.

(image source = pacific coast)

orange you glad to see Kendra Wilkinson

By brendon June 05, 2012 @ 4:33 PM

kendra_wilkinson_is_orange

Kendra Wilkinson hit the streets of New York this afternoon, presumably after an all night bronzer applying marathon. Her husbands dick must look like it’s made of onyx at this point. At best it’ll look like it’s been going on vacation without him.

(image source = splash)

Kanye likes only Kanye-approved lasers

By brendon June 05, 2012 @ 4:20 PM

During his ‘Watch the Throne’ tour with Jay Z in Paris last night, Kanye West, seen here in a field of lasers, stopped the show because someone was using a laser. Yeah I don’t know either. This seems stupid even for Kanye.

“You see this guy right here with the green laser,” Kanye asked. “Don’t fuck up everybody’s show. It’s not a fucking game.”
“You’re gonna get fucked up and kicked out, and all that shit. Chill the fuck out.”

Ok but in that guys defense, Kanye really was sending mixed signals when it came to his feelings about lasers.

Kristen Stewart is way too cool to care about anything

By brendon June 05, 2012 @ 2:42 PM

kristen_stewart_vanity_fair

Kristen Stewart is on the cover of the July issue of Vanity Fair, and go ahead and read the interview if you want. Or don’t, whatever man, she doesn’t even care.

“I have been criticized a lot for not looking perfect in every photograph.”

“But not for exaggerating, because I don’t ever do that.”

“I get some serious shit about it. I’m not embarrassed about it. I’m proud of it.”

“You and your professionalism can suck my dick.”

“If I took perfect pictures all the time, the people standing in the room with me, or on the carpet, would think, What an actress! What a faker!”

So she’s offended if people think she’s a good actress? This explains a lot.

“That thought embarrasses me so much that I look like shit in half my photos, and I don’t give a fuck. What matters to me is that the people in the room leave and say, ‘She was cool. She had a good time. She was honest.’ ”

“We wasted 6 hours and didn’t get a single usable picture but all that really matters is that Kristen had fun fucking everything up,” said No One Ever.

“I don’t care about the voracious, starving shit eaters who want to turn truth into shit.”

So I can call her ugly and she won’t care? Perfect. Because two of pictures of “Kristen” are actually images of my colon. Try to guess which ones.

Jean-Claude Van Dammes daughter is kinda hot

By brendon June 05, 2012 @ 1:06 PM

bianca_bree_daughter_jean_claude_van_damme

Jean-Claude Van Damme has been bringing his 21-year-old daughter Bianca Bree along on his press tour to promote ‘the Expendables 2’, which is good for her because she’s an aspiring actress, and good for us because she dresses slutty.

Hopefully he’s already taught her everything he knows about Hollywood, which is that literally any problem can be solved with karate, doing a split on the furniture, and dropping her towel with her naked ass facing the camera.

(image source = inf, getty, wenn, fame/flynet)