Karina Smirnoff is cautious

By brendon February 01, 2012 @ 3:02 PM

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Fame Images says that reigning ‘Dancing With The Stars’ champion (and former Playboy model) Karina Smirnoff took a break from her DanceFIT-KS Hawaiian tour, though I have no idea what the hell that means.

Point being, she went paddle boarding. But only after taking lessons. And good for her. Those paddle boards are like a loaded gun. I thought I could do it without lessons and was only out there for a few minutes before starting a huge fire. It was a classic lesson in hubris.

Joan Rivers knows how to party

By brendon February 01, 2012 @ 1:19 PM

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This is news to me but apparently Joan Rivers has a TV show on WE, and also there’s a channel named WE, and on last nights episode Joan was nervous about meeting her daughters boyfriend. So she got together with a friend. And they got stoned as fuck.

The Daily Mail says…

(Joan) calls her friend Lynne who tells her she can get her something that will calm her down.
The pair visit a medical marijuana doctor for a prescription before heading to a shop that sells cannabis.
She and Lynne then find a spot to park their car and light up the pipe.
The pair get the giggles, with Joan exclaiming: ‘I’m starving, i want to eat right now, lets go.’
But Lynne, who is in the driver’s seat, is clearly in no state to be behind the wheel, saying: ‘I cant tell if I’m moving.’
Joan says: ‘I don’t think you should drive… I’m going to call Melissa.’
Her daughter arrives and is furious at the pair, saying: ‘Oh my god, we have to go right now come on, we’re going home… I’m ashamed of both you.’
The women make Melissa stop at a roadside food truck for burgers and chips.
Back at home home, Melissa tries to put the laughing pair to bed quietly while everyone else sleeps.
But Joan and Lynne aren’t ready to sleep, and go into the hot tub fully clothed in the middle of the night.

Well it’s a good thing marijuana is still illegal almost everywhere in this country. If she hadn’t been under a doctors care when she giggled and ate a hamburger, it would have been pandaemonium.

Snooki is pregnant. Or not. (UPDATE)

By brendon February 01, 2012 @ 11:36 AM

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Star magazine says that ‘Jersey Shore’ star Snooki (image not available) is secretly pregnant. Except, you know, for it being on the internet. And newsstands.

The pint-sized reality star and her boyfriend of a year, Jionni LaValle, are expecting their first child.
“She is pregnant and has only told her closest friends and some family.”

So here it is. Day Zero. The day we find out if time travel will ever be possible, since the future us will almost certainly send a robot back to kill Snooki and stop our plunge into darkness, just like in Terminator but the other way around.

CONFLICTING UPDATE: Snooki was on Opie and Anthony this morning and denied being pregnant. Probably to trick the robots.

FUN FACT: robots are made when a girl masturbates with a vibrator.

fuck you Nicole Murphy

By brendon February 01, 2012 @ 11:06 AM

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Nicole Murphy, who has been divorced from Eddie Murphy for 6 years yet still uses his last name to open doors, enjoyed some leisure time in Beverly Hills yesterday, which was possible since her only job is occasionally blowing rich guys (currently Michael Strahan).

Here we see her showing off the trim physique that will make her a certain favorite if they ever hold a Gold Digging Whore Olympics.

(image source = inf)

Lindsay is drinking again

By brendon January 31, 2012 @ 6:18 PM

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Is it actually possible that Lindsay Lohan still hasn’t changed in any way and is back to hanging out in bars and getting stoned again?

According to three witnesses who saw her drunk at Chateau Marmont on Sunday night, yes, it absolutely is.

“Lindsay was spotted going to the restroom with a male companion on numerous occasions in a short amount of time. When the two of them emerged from the bathroom, Lindsay was giggling and her nose appeared red. Lindsay was spotted only drinking water in the lounge area, but she appeared to be loaded on something, and she seemed under the influence. Lindsay’s eyes were glassy and her pupils were constricted.”

A second witness also notes that her tits were on full display thanks to her deep v-neck dress and no bra, then adds:

“(Lindsay) was definitely on something. She was slurring her words, and needed help walking at one point.”

And a third witness says:

“Lindsay was sitting on a chair adjacent to Harvey Weinstein’s party – his was roped off and she didn’t get past the rope. So she sat on the other side looking over. She looked bedraggled and desperate.”

And this may only be coincidence but there’s a moving van outside of Lindsays condo in Venice Beach right now, and her door is open. Is she moving out? Is someone moving in? Does this have anything to do with her drinking?

None of these questions have clear answers as of now, but I’ll keep staring at her Playboy pictures just in case that helps in some way.

Elisabetta Canalis really is dating Steve O

By brendon January 31, 2012 @ 4:54 PM

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Apparently yesterdays rumor is true and Italian supermodel Elisabetta Canalis has gone from dating George Clooney (a two-time winner of People magazines ‘Sexiest Man Alive’) to Steve O (who was covered in shit in ‘Jackass 3′) in a span of about 6 months. Even Ryan Dunn didn’t crash this hard.

(image source = fame/flynet)

Resse Witherspoon is unsure of Justin Biebers gender

By brendon January 31, 2012 @ 4:10 PM

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During a press junket for her movie ‘This Means War’, Reese Witherspoon was asked about the rumor that Justin Bieber wants to remake the 1996 movie ‘Fear’, which Reese starred in with Mark Wahlberg. And her reply was sort of awesome.

“Would he be playing me, or is he playing Mark Wahlberg?”

No seriously that’s a perfectly valid question. Because Justin Bieber is an effeminate little twink. At least Wahlberg worked out. My phone bill is scarier than Justin Bieber.

NOTE: I don’t know why the photo agencies even have these today, but busty internet favorite Jordan Carver got into a pillow fight with some orange girl in a Vegas hotel room, and for some reason the server here won’t post the Justin Bieber pictures I uploaded, and will only post pictures of Jordan in a bra. We must have gotten hacked or something. It’s really upsetting.

(image source = wenn)

Blake Griffin is a bad man

By brendon January 31, 2012 @ 3:17 PM

If you haven’t seen the dunk Blake Griffin punched on Kendrick Perkins last night, you really should (and see it full size). It’s incredible, and this may be the only time Kim Kardashian won’t come up in a story about a black athletes balls in someones face.