Justin Bieber bleached his hair blond after asking the gilded mirror on his wall how to look like an even bigger asshole. You don’t have to listen to the mirror. Or identify as a Latvian twink. Sometimes prostitute preemies... READ MORE

Aimme Osbourne is finally speaking out even though nobody really asked her. The forgotten Osbourne sister falls back on her big win in figuring out that reality television was a fucked up decision for her family back in 2002... READ MORE

Every few months J.K. Rowling pokes up her head and says something stupid just to remind everybody that it’s been seven years since she produced any homoerotic wizard school boy fiction. She used to be on welfare then she... READ MORE

Is there anything better than a girl who is all wet and glistening? Maybe her clothes are clinging to her body just so? I submit that there is nothing better. Check out these pics of damp ladies. (The Chive)... READ MORE

I don’t trust any man who tucks in his shirt without being ordered to do so by a referee. Being a slob doesn’t make you manly though being fussy and highly thoughtful over your wardrobe is dangerously akin to... READ MORE

I’d guffaw too if my job was to drink punch and hang out at the beach. These two bikini models strut around humid Miami until they work up a good genital sweat. The bikinis are then removed and transferred... READ MORE

Somebody who deserves a lot more respect than he’s receiving this morning convinced Katy Perry she had to get on all fours to dip her hands into cement in front of the Chinese Theater. Beautiful people were gathered in... READ MORE

Kourtney Kardashian put all her eggs in the basket of a snowboarding alcoholic who she completely failed to recognize had no male friends. She could’ve looked right to Bruce Jenner who also had no male friends, a complication of... READ MORE

(editor’s note: had to change the photo because the baby penis lip balm people got sensitive. Google Taylor Swift penis lip balm if you dare.) Somebody at the polyethylene manufacturing planet in Guangdong played a trick on Taylor Swift... READ MORE

Kylie Jenner might’ve walked away from her Terry Richardson photo shoot with the pleasant memories of addict’s tarred fingers up her leathery chute, but everybody else got crap. We’re supposed to get tits. She’s eighteen now, There’s a process... READ MORE