DC Comics announced today that Alan Scott, the true identity of the original Green Lantern when the comic began in 1940, will be revealed as gay in next weeks issue of ‘Earth 2’ (two pages from that here and here).
Which shouldn’t effect the Ryan Reynolds movie since he plays Hal Jordan, except that now I see a double entendre in everything about the Green Lantern. He’s flaming. He has a little pledge and affirmation. He uses his “power ring” and “power lantern”, and he practically has to fist the thing to get it “turned on”. Fuck, the third Green Lantern was even named Guy Gardner, like he was trying to harvest men. If that dude isn’t officially gay it’s just because no one’s asked him about it yet.
Madonna kicked off her MDNA tour in Tel Aviv last night, and even though she’s now 53 years old, she’s still at the top of her game. And by that I mean she’s a simple-minded cunt with no equal, and she stopped the show to lecture the crowd about respecting other religions and peace in the Middle East.
Which might not have been so bad except that Madonna still does all of her typical shit, so the night is filled with wild swings of hypocrisy that she doesn’t even think twice about.
‘The Bourne Legacy’ trailer came out yesterday, and I was so busy being a sarcastic dick that I forgot to mention that it reportedly takes place at the same time as ‘the Bourne Ultimatum’. Which is actually really cool. So we’ll see what else was going on while Matt Damon look befuddled and/or punched people.
This is why the trailer showed the scene from ‘Ultimatum’ with the reporter in the train station, and why Bourne is in New York and all that. Presumably Jeremy Renner is supposed to do something about it. He should try calling Bourne on the phone and saying he can see him. That always seem to freak everyone out in the other movies.
Ever heard of ‘the Catalina’? Yeah me neither. It appears to be a ‘Jersey Shore’-type reality show on the CW about a Miami hotel and, as seen here, the drunken whores who work there. And granted they’re not super hot, and you can’t actually see their tits, but what, like you’re some 10? YOU’VE BANGED WORSE AND WE BOTH KNOW IT!
For years I’ve been sitting here, like a fool, assuming there was always just one, but as ‘The Bourne Legacy’ repeatedly points out, it’s actually quite the contrary. And unrelated to the fact that the old one doesn’t want to be in these movies anymore, here are the adventures of another one who, it turns out, has been even more exciting the entire time and we didn’t even know it.
And don’t worry; even though the old one is referenced 6 times, perhaps giving the impression he’s in this movie, he’s not and good riddance.
But don’t take my word for it, just listen to the lady who saw the evaluations. She’s seen dozens, no, hundreds of evaluations, and she almost came in her pants when she saw these. “The old one punched like some limp wristed little faggot compared to this one,” she practically said.
Madonnas much talked about and much delayed ‘MDNA’ tour kicked off tonight in Tel Aviv, and apparently the big news is that when she sings ‘Vogue’, she wears a new version of the cone bra she wore during her 1990 ‘Blonde Ambition’ tour.
What a thrill it will be for her fans to be reminded of the old cone bra when they see the new cone bra. I hope no one literally dies from the excitement.
Justin Bieber was knocked unconscious during a concert in Paris tonight when he ran backstage between songs and smashed his head against a wall of glass.
This is at least the third time he’s done this (video of 1 and 2 here).
He was only out for about 15 seconds and finished the show without incident, and later said, “I guess me and glass windows just don’t work.” Which is worth remembering because that’s what windows are made of. So if you ever see Justin Bieber in one of those skyscrapers with outer walls made of glass, start chasing him as fast as you can.
A Hong Kong tabloid (this one, though the story has been removed) claims that a disgraced Chinese politician named Bo Xilai ratted out actress Zhang Ziyi by saying he paid to have sex with her 10 times between 2007 and 2011.
The media reports said that Zhang and Bo were first introduced by Bo’s associate, Xu Ming (who reportedly) confessed to paying Zhang (roughly $950,000) in 2007 for sex.
He later negotiated a deal for Bo to have sex with Zhang for (roughly $1,500,000).
The Chinese media reports estimated that Zhang’s sexual transactions with various rich and powerful figures have netted her (close to $110,000,000) over the last 10 years.
Zhang has angrily denied every word of this, but it’s also sort of a back-handed compliment. A hundred and ten million dollars? Every little girl in China that Nike pays in radon and punches in the stomach must be completely in awe right now.
(has it really been three years since Ziyi went to the beach and took her top off? that was rhetorical because, yes, it has been.)