Tuesday afternoon headlines

By brendon February 22, 2011 @ 5:54 PM

Minka Kelly

EMINEM – has cast porn star Sasha Grey to star in his video for Space Bound. If there’s not a lyric about his semen being “face bound”, now would be the time to add it. (the sun)

ALYSSA MILANO – is pregnant for the first time, with her husband Dave Bugliari, an agent at CAA. I bet this guy wishes he’d heard that “face bound” lyric from the Eminem song. Would have saved him a lot of trouble. (people)

ROSIE O’DONNELL – is single, after breaking up with the girl she’s dated for over a year. Surprisingly that was actually a real person, and not a sandwich maker that plugs into her car lighter. (page six)

MINKA KELLY – hit the gym today to start training for her role in ABC’s new version of Charlies Angels, an idea so dumb it shouldn’t have even been a Playboy cartoon, much less two movies and TV shows. (inf daily)

private Olivia Wilde pictures have leaked

By brendon February 22, 2011 @ 3:39 PM

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Private candid pictures of Olivia Wilde, taken by her ex husband, have leaked online, but that really makes these sound hotter than they are. Because she’s not naked. Releasing private candids of your ex wife really implies she was gonna be naked. But she’s not.

This is bullshit.

Now I know what you’re thinking, and I partially agree, but let’s not bring the police into this just yet. Maybe he’s got more, let’s see how this plays out.

(source = olivia-wilde.org)

Miley Cyrus kicked her dad off ‘the View’

By brendon February 22, 2011 @ 2:22 PM

Miley Cyrus

Last week Billy Ray Cyrus told GQ that he regrets not being a stronger parent to his daughter Miley, and that he thinks his desire to be her friend instead of her father gave her a certain amount of power which has put her on the wrong path.

Well tomorrow he was supposed to appear on the View. Time to check in on his new found parenting skills. Popeater talked to a source who said…

“When Miley found out her father was scheduled to appear on ‘The View’ she went nuts. Only last week, Billy shot his mouth off in GQ, and now he planned to sit down with [Barbara and Whoopi] and talk more crap about his family. No way would Miley or her team would let that happen.

I can’t help but be impressed by the way Billy Ray instantly caved to the demands of his 18-year-old daughter. My sources also tell me he bought a new baby hog for their farm and put a sombrero on it and named it Selena Gomez. “Cuz she is a little piggy, ain’t she baby,” he asked. “A fat little Mexican piggy! But you, you’re Americas Sweetheart! You’re my hero, baby!”

Emmy Rossum explains how she prevents “penetration”

By brendon February 22, 2011 @ 1:14 PM

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In real life it’s easy for a girl to avoid “penetration”. The most common ways are by claiming my hour is up or by snickering when I ask her out. But what if that girl is a really really hot actress, and she’s naked, and she’s filming one of her many graphic sex scenes that are supposed to look real.

Because that basically describes Emmy Rossum on the Showtime series Shameless. So how does she keep simulated sex from being real sex? Let’s find out together, shall we?

Turns out there’s a gadget for that.
“We like it to be realistic but not real, but I wear something I call the ‘vag pad,’ it’s kind of a little triangular panty liner that you stick to you…”
Of course, given that it’s an active, “slippery situation,” sometimes, more than the pad is needed.

She also say’s that sometimes the guy will wear a sock. Though I don’t understand how either of these things avoids penetration. Her “vag pad” could be made of cement mixed with poison and teeth and razors and I’d still punch it in Emmy Rossum like my dick was a maul and her kitty was firewood.

Rihanna wants to do it with Colin Farrell

By brendon February 22, 2011 @ 11:13 AM

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If you’re a girl, currently alive, there’s at least an 8 percent chance that Colin Farrell has had sex with you. Like Rihanna for example. He hasn’t banged her yet, but she is a girl, on earth, so he probably will at some point.

And soon, if Rihanna gets her way.

The Sun says…

If there’s one woman you wouldn’t mind pestering you, the Bajan stunner has to top the list.
They met on GRAHAM NORTON’s chat show before Christmas, swapped numbers afterwards and the Irish Rover has been receiving lots of flirty messages.
A source said:
“Colin was taken aback by some of the texts. He reckons he might well be in there. They’re both single, so why not?”
Colin and Rihanna have made plans to meet up in LA when their hectic schedules allow.

It sounds like some alternate reality where someone gets to play it cool even when Rihanna wants to fuck him, more than likely because he’s passed out on a bed made of Laker girls right now and simply can’t find time to have sex with her. If I look outside will there be clouds of ash? Is Hitler on the 1 dollar bill? Where am I? What year is it? What’s going on?

afternoon headlines

By brendon February 21, 2011 @ 6:31 PM

51425PCN_Poker

KACEY JORDAN – is the porn star who won’t stop talking about her time with Charlie Sheen, and now she even says she had an abortion last Thursday that could have been his. Or it could have been from a different celebrity the week before. She doesn’t really sweat the details, as it turns out. (radar)

CAMILLE GRAMMER – is only famous for marrying and then divorcing Kelsey Grammer, but now she’s been hired by CNN to report on the Oscars this Sunday. Some would argue she isn’t qualified, but she has seen several previous Oscar telecasts, and hopes that maybe one day, they’ll even let her cover the Academy Awards. (huff post)

JENNIFER TILLY – was one of the players at the World Poker Tour Celebrity Invitational this weekend. She’s 52, by the way, making her the new oldest girl I’d bang. Before this it was Selena Gomez. (pacific coast)

Monica Bellucci slipped out of her dress

By brendon February 21, 2011 @ 4:44 PM

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Monica Bellucci had some issues with her dress staying put while being interviewed with Robert De Niro during the 61st Italian Music Festival, mostly because the host practically humped her when she came on stage. She had bigger concerns than wether or not her nipples were showing. Like if she was pregnant.

(image source = pacific coast)

Olivia Munn and Matthew Morrison went out

By brendon February 21, 2011 @ 1:40 PM

olivia_munn_and_matthew_morrison

Olivia Munn and Glee star Matthew Morrison went to Madison Square Garden yesterday to watch the Rangers and Flyers play, and he was probably hoping for more than a high five at the end, but to be fair, she did wear a flannel shirt. To a hockey game. It’s not like she didn’t warn him. It was the clearest message she could have sent without wearing a rape whistle around her neck.