Woman Stabs Boyfriend For Playing The Eagles

By Jack September 20, 2013 @ 1:53 PM

A woman in South Carolina stabbed her boyfriend for listening to The Eagles. It seems that Vernett Bader, (she’s single now, boys), was watching TV when her live-in boyfriend started playing the fucking Eagles. She asked him to turn it down and he didn’t. Don Henley’s wistful whines and Joe Walsh’s overbearing guitar licks became too much for her and she grabbed a bread knife and cut him. He then hid in the bathroom until the cops came. It’s unclear which song drove her over the edge, though if I had to guess I’d say it was probably Desperado. That’s an insidious harmony that will drive you to murderous intent. Metaphorically we’re all stuck in the Hotel California, Vernett forgot that you can check out anytime you like, but you can NEVER leave.

It Won’t Be Long Now Until Miranda Kerr Is Single

By Lex September 20, 2013 @ 1:21 PM

Miranda Kerr Shows Off Her Cleavage At The After Party For The Opening Of 'Romeo And Juliet' In New York

I guess Orlando Bloom was a thing for the ladies when he was swashbuckling in Pirates, now he’s doing Romeo and Juliet on Broadway and putting around town with his motorcycle helmet pretending that his hot wife is not soon to be banging another man. I might be reading too much into this, but this marriage is about three years into a five year max shelf life. Miranda Kerr will be just fine. Orlando Bloom will be doing puppet theater in the park by 2017. The hot woman with the nice tits will win. They always do.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet, INFphoto.com

Olivia Wilde In The October Issue Of Allure

By Lex September 20, 2013 @ 12:51 PM

Olivia Wilde Bares Cleavage In The October 2013 Issue Of Allure

Photo Credit: Allure Magazine

Sky Ferreira and Pretty Boyfriend In a Shitload of Trouble

By Lex September 20, 2013 @ 12:46 PM

I don’t remember much about Sky Ferreira, except she had some weird kid singer relationship with Michael Jackson. Weird because she’s a girl I mean. Either way, every alumnus of Neverland Ranch eventually seems to find their way into hardcore drugs. Like Sky and her model boyfriend named Some Shmuck Who Models Short Waisted Coats I Couldn’t Give a Fuck About who both got busted headed up to the Catskills with a car full of heroin and ecstasy after doing their robotic paid duties at New York Fashion Week.

…police inspected the vehicle…they discovered 28-year-old Mr Smith, who was reportedly driving an unregistered Ford pickup truck with stolen plates without insurance or a license, had a ‘plastic bag containing 42 decks of heroin’, while Miss Ferreira ‘was found in possession of ecstasy and resisted arrest…

Way to go, models Bonnie and Clyde. I can’t begin to count the mistakes in that haute couture bender. Even celebrity justice might have trouble explaining away twenty-five grand worth of Schedule 1 substance in a truck with stolen plates. That’s pretty gangster. Though the idiot boyfriend model wants to make it clear this is all a police setup. So, junior F. Lee Bailey went onto Twitter:

Naturally, what with the upstate New York police well known history of framing wealthy white kids with felony drug arrests. Thankfully for this 20-something distant gazing tool, male models tend to do well in prison. Courteously always being bumped to the front of the rape line.

Photo Credit: AnOther Man Magazine

Jon Gosselin Is a Happy Waiter

By Lex September 20, 2013 @ 11:26 AM

Jon Gosselin Waits Tables At Black Dog Restraunt In Pennsylvania In An ET Interview
Jon Gosselin is now waiting tables to try to pay the rent on his crappy cottage in the woods. It’s his rundown fortress of solitude where he’s hiding from his horrid ex-wife and bill collectors. But he’s happy. Because even a big dick like Jon Gosselin is still a man, and men find peace in the simple life. Anybody who thinks that fame and fortune will somehow serve as earplugs for eight screaming kids and shrewish wife is sadly mistaken. Yes, that’s a sermon.

Tara Reid Looked Kind Of Normal Again

By Travis September 20, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Tara Reid is a 37-year old with a history of hard partying, so obviously her best days are behind her and we’ve definitely seen some of her worst days already. But when she showed up to the Legends Beyond event in Beverly Hills last night with her boyfriend (not pictured because who cares?) she actually looked like a respectable, attractive actress again. And when all it takes for us to think that you look respectable is for you to stand up straight and not let your tit fall out of your dress on the red carpet, you know that you’ve really hit your plateau in life.

(Photo Credits: Getty)

Behati Prinsloo Models Victoria’s Secret Lingerie

By Lex September 20, 2013 @ 10:50 AM

Behati Prinsloo Models Lingerie For Victoria's Secret

Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret

Selena Gomez’s Russian Shows Canceled Because Putin Hates The Gays

By Travis September 20, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Pop singer and former Justin Bieber penis pocket Selena Gomez was supposed to be playing two huge shows in Russia next Monday and Wednesday, but now it seems that her week has just opened up. Russian officials denied her visa this week, thus canceling her shows because she’s not allowed in the country. According to E!, the reason is that the government thinks that Selena will act like Madonna and Lady Gaga by speaking up for gay rights, but I thought the plan was for stars to cancel these shows anyway. That way, Russia will only be left with Yakov Smirnoff shows, forcing Vladimir Putin to eventually say, “I’d rather be fucked in the ass than listen to one more joke.”

(Photo Credits: Getty)