Lindsay spent the 4th with porn star James Deen

By brendon July 05, 2012 @ 10:55 AM

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If you were to invite Lindsay Lohan to a real Hollywood 4th of July party, she’d rob you, so no one did that, and instead she spent yesterday at Shore Bar in Santa Monica with porn star (and potential co-star) James Deen.

Actually it might be more accurate to say he spent the 4th with her because he’s a more respected actor in LA and probably had better options. It’s not even clear if dipshit knew which holiday it was so she hedged her bets and wore Christmas tree ornaments for earrings and fake eyelashes from a Halloween store.

You just know she thinks this is a big treat for him, but in reality there are so many fantastically hot porn stars now, who all get tested regularly, that sex with Lindsay would be less satisfying and more dangerous. A smoky mist probably comes out when she spreads her legs at this point. I wouldn’t know if I should consult a doctor or a weatherman.

(image source = inf)

Ben Affleck is patriotic

By brendon July 05, 2012 @ 9:47 AM

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Just like they do every year, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner brought their daughters to a 4th of July parade yesterday, and I can’t believe it but this one was in Pacific Palisades. It totally looks like a Boston parade. Where you’d hear Dropkick Murphys ‘The State Of Massachusetts’ at least 10 times, and at one point the guy in the Red Sox cap in front of Ben would lean in and say, “I swear to fahkin Gahd B, if that fahkin dahkie looks at me one more time Ima throw him a fahkin beatin.”

(image source = fame/flynet)

‘Jack Reacher’ has a trailer

By brendon July 03, 2012 @ 6:12 PM

Everyone agrees that Tom Cruise is a member of a scary cult that takes advantage of people, and that’s very bad, but his new movie is directed by Christopher McQuarrie who wrote ‘the Usual Suspects’ and wrote and directed ‘The Way of the Gun’, which is THE SINGLE GREATEST MOVIE EVER MADE. So if Tom Cruise is what it takes to get a new Christopher McQuarrie movie than he could be in the fucking Manson Family for all I care. Go ahead, brainwash his kid, I don’t even like kids, I would probably brainwash them too so who am I to judge.

Jessica Simpsons diet is going pretty well

By brendon July 03, 2012 @ 12:56 PM

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The Daily Mail says Jessica Simpson went to the gym yesterday as part of her $4 million deal with Weight Watchers to get back down to 130 pounds. Maybe next week they can try having her get in and out of the car twice.

that’s not how you use that

By brendon July 03, 2012 @ 12:31 PM

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Pictured: A stubby box filled with alcohol who is only popular at parties for sluts pushing a case of Coors Light.

(image source of snooki in seaside heights yesterday = pacific coast)

Candice Swanepoel is making a fool of herself

By brendon July 03, 2012 @ 11:40 AM

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Candice Swanepoel went to Miami beach this morning, even though Arianny Celeste was just there and looked way better. More importantly, Arianny is American and involved with the UFC, while Candice is some treacherous South African.

Does she really think she can just walk right on one of our beaches the day before Americas birthday and get away with it? Guess again comrade! Booo! Get outa here, you suck! Go back to the Kremlin you skanky bitch!

(image source = splash)

Arianny Celeste is in a bikini

By brendon July 03, 2012 @ 11:21 AM

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UFC ring girl and model Arianny Celeste was on Miami beach yesterday, prancing around with her perfect body in a bikini, frolicking with her friends in the water, and taking group pictures of their asses. Which would be fine but my sources in North Carolina tell me Andy Griffith was found at his keyboard with a belt around his neck.

So thanks a lot Arianny Celeste. You made yourself too hot and now you killed folksy Hollywood icon Andy Griffith. I hope you’re really proud of yourself.

(image source = splash)

Andy Griffith died this morning

By brendon July 03, 2012 @ 10:33 AM

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NBC is reporting that Hollywood legend Andy Griffith died around 7am this morning at his home in North Carolina. No cause of death is known at this time. He was 86.

Though he had a long and respected career as an actor, he may mostly be remembered for his effortless charm and his starring roles in ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’ and ‘The Beverly Hillbillies’. Unless that was someone else, in which case he won’t.