Jessica Alba knows how to dress

Jessica Alba is in Paris today for fashion week, and yesterday she went to a party for Gucci in this skirt that showed of her fantastic legs. Do French guys still wear those big Three Musketeer hats? And do they take them off when a pretty lady walks up and wave them down and bow? I assume they do. Hey. French guys. Could you be any gayer.read more

Vanessa Hudgens for Candies

Vanessa Hudgens is now the new face of Candies (shoes?), and here's a first look at her new ad campaign. Even though they're obviously not as good as the naked phone pics she's sent out on occasion, these are the kind of pictures we've been waiting a long time for. And by "we", I mean me and my penis.read more

afternoon headlines

JAMES FRANCO AND KATE HUDSON - might star in a biopic about 70's porn star Linda Lovelace, which would hurt the never-real-anyway biopic staring Lindsay Lohan. Though to be honest, I'd rather see Lindsay in it, especially over Kate Hudson. This is about the making of Deep Throat, not You've Got Mail. (the sun) THE FANTASTIC FOUR - is down to 3, because the comic has killed off...... the Human Torch. Wow, really? Why...read more

Alec Baldwin might replace Keith Olberman on MSNBC

Keith Olberman is a prissy little dandy who divided his time on MSNBC between self indulgent temper tantrums and sniveling at the boot of those in power, and it was in this spirit that he left his cushy job on Friday, a job that was paying him 7 million dollars a year in exchange for getting his ass handed to him in the ratings. One reason he reportedly left was money. He felt underpaid, and probably thinks MSNBC will...read more

Michael Jacksons doctor officially says he didnt kill him

When you're a doctor, and you give a patient shocking amounts of highly questionable drugs, and then that patient dies, you're probably gonna be in some kind of trouble. Especially if that patient was famous, and his family has to be a bunch of little tattle tales about it. The LA Times says... Dr. Conrad Murray, the physician who was attending to Michael Jackson on the day of the pop star's death, entered a plea of...read more

Jennifer Love Hewitt really is an idiot

Jennifer Love Hewitt has said before that she's been going to the same jewelry store once a month for 19 years and wasting the employees time by trying on her "dream" engagement ring that no one wants to buy her, but if that wasn't sad and clingy enough, now she's expanded on that fantasy and actually picked out 3 rings that no one wants to buy her. People says... The pressure is off Jennifer Love Hewitt's future...read more

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Jessica Simpson is a drunk

Luckily, Jessica Simpsons fame whore fiance Eric Johnson played in the NFL, so he's really strong and can pick her up when she gets drunk and collapses in a heap. Like she did last night at Katsuya (sushi restaurant) in Hollywood. At least I assume she collapsed in a heap. Because she's doubled in size over the past year except for her legs which are still thin. I honestly have no idea how they're holding her up. If...read more

the Academy Award nominations are out

Nominations for the 83rd Academy Awards were announced early this morning in Beverly Hills (full list here), and while the big story is that the King's Speech got the most nominations with 12 (True Grit got 10, Social Network and Inception both got 8), the obvious headlines are that Christopher Nolan did NOT get a nomination as Best Director, and that I look incredibly handsome in the rugged, monochromatic tones that...read more

afternoon headlines

NO STRINGS ATTACHED - was the only new movie in theaters this week, and it made 20 million to win a very slow weekend box office. So finally we've discovered that people will watch an Ashton Kutcher movie, as long as they have nothing else to choose from. (box office mojo) SKINS - has lost two more sponsors, Subway and Schick, citing concerns that the show may be child pornography. Jersey Shore went through this same...read more

Matthew McConaughey needs lots of attention

Matthew McConaughey went for a jog around Malibu, again, with his shirt off, again, and apparently it was cold enough to keep his little hat on but not his shirt. What an asshole. Yeah, we get it, you have nothing to do all day because being an actor is great. Only two kinds of people take their shirt off and run around in public: narcissistic attention whores and feral children who were left in the woods and think...read more

Madonna cancelled that school she said she’d build

Last April, Madonna went to the African nation of Malawi, the home of two of her adopted kids, for the groundbreaking at a school she pledged $15 million to build. JK, LOL! MADONNA is in hot water with the Malawian government after she scrapped plans to build a special school there. She promised to fund an academy for underprivileged girls during a visit in 2009. But plans to construct the 9million facility have...read more

Chastity Bono wants to look like Michael Chiklis

One time a friend came up and said he was changing his name to Bo and we should all call him Bo now. Needless to say we told him to fuck off and that was the end of that. In a related story, Chastity Bono has a new documentary about her sex change surgery, which has allowed her to go from a fat girl with a terrible haircut to a fat girl with a terrible haircut in the mens room. E! says... Chaz Bono may have been born...read more

morning headlines

REGIS PHILBIN - quit his talk show because of money, and he thinks he can do better, despite the fact that he was making 20 million a year and is so old he has to be reanimated with jumper cables every morning. (tmz) JONATHAN KNIGHT - of New Kids On The Block was outed by Tiffany on TV Friday night. A guy who sings and dances is secretly gay? Now I've seen everything! (popeater) NAYA RIVERA - of Glee hosted a party...read more

afternoon headlines

SKINS - is the new MTV drama, with a cast ranging from 15-19, where everyone gets drunk and has sex, and now some nerds are asking the government to open an investigation to determine if it's child pornography. I don't think it is, but I haven't fucked a 15 year old since I was like 24, so maybe the laws have changed since then. (deadline) AMERICAN IDOL - on Thursday night was down 9 percent from Wednesday night,...read more

Helena Bonham Carter is heartbreaking

Helena Bonham Carter, my beloved Marla Singer, who used to look like this and even now can look like this when she tries, ran some errands around North London today, and seriously what in the hell. She looks like someone who would throw a handful of pee in your eyes while yelling some insane gibberish. If that thing tried to kiss me, I'd pull my head down like a turtle until it completely sunk into my chest. I don't...read more