“This whole thing with Obama saying the rich don’t pay their taxes is fucking bullshit. And I voted for the guy, and I’m a Democrat. What a fucking asshole. The rich don’t pay their taxes? Let me tell you something, right. First they say to you, you’re dead broke, ‘the United States of America, you can do anything you want, go for it.’ So then you go for it and then you make it, and everyone’s like ‘fuck you.’”
Unfortunately the Republicans are no better; they’re just fucking morons about different things. The entire federal government sucks and is inept/corrupt beyond belief. But soon my underwater kingdom will be complete, with an army of mermen at my command, and Washington will tremble at the displays of my power!
Rosie O’Donnell finally found a way to make her opinions seem well thought out and reasonable; by going on the Today show with the peerlessly stupid Star Jones and Donny Deutsch and discussing Lindsay Lohan.
When Matt Lauer asked about Lindsay (finally) being cast to play Elizabeth Taylor, O’Donnell said:
“I feel very sorry for her. I think she needs a lot of help. She needs a lot of time away.”
“I don’t think she’s right for the role, and I don’t think she’s capable at this point of doing what’s needed to portray that character,’’ she said. “I think the interest level in her has waned significantly.’’
Deutsch then declared that Lohan has the potential to be the Elizabeth Taylor of this generation, on and off-screen.
“You’re out of your mind,’’ Rosie replied.
Elizabeth Taylor became famous because she was a fantastic actress and beautiful beyond measure. Lindsay Lohan became famous because she had big tits when she was 16. Even during her prime she was constantly high, and since then she’s only noteworthy for getting arrested. She actually has way more in common with Lawrence Taylor than Elizabeth Taylor.
I truly do not understand the internets love affair with Sara Underwood, seen here at the pool at Encore in Las Vegas over the weekend. She’s just another blond chick with half-hearted implants, indistinguishable from two million other girls in LA who look exactly like her. But if you’re one of the ones who do like her, then today is the day your boring taste in women will finally pay off.
Lindsay Lohan has been telling people for months that she had been cast to play Elizabeth Taylor in a movie on Lifetime, with TMZ saying she “just inked a deal” way back in February, but she was, of course, lying. There was no deal, Lifetime hadn’t cast her because they didn’t trust her. Until today. When Lifetime finally took a chance they’ll regret in about three weeks after she’s arrested again.
In her first major leading role since the 2009 ABC Family movie Labor Pains, Lindsay Lohan has signed on to play the late Hollywood icon Elizabeth Taylor in the Lifetime biopic Liz & Dick, the network announced today.
Free publicity be damned, I’m assuming Lifetime is secretly hoping they won’t have to actually make this movie with Lindsay because it’s the worst casting imaginable; she doesn’t look or sound anything even remotely like Elizabeth Taylor. They might as well cast DMX to play Richard Burton.
I bet you’d be surprised to learn that a 44-year-old mother of two who spent the last two decades in the sun and rarely worked out can still wear super short shorts with a backless top and still look great. Especially since Pam Anderson tried to do it in Monaco yesterday and failed horribly.
Despite a wide variety of idiotic theories (like this Marilyn Manson one), Johnny Depp now says that he owes his look as Tonto in the upcoming Lone Ranger movie to a painting of a Crow Indian. And the fact that he saw it wrong. EW says…
“I’d actually seen a painting by an artist named Kirby Sattler, and I looked at the face of this warrior and thought: That’s it.’
“It just so happened Sattler had painted a bird flying directly behind the warrior’s head. It looked to me like it was sitting on top. I thought: Tonto’s got a bird on his head. It’s his spirit guide in a way. It’s dead to others, but it’s not dead to him. It’s very much alive.”
So is this still supposed to be a respectful look at Native American spirituality? Because the hero takes advice from a dead bird on his head. Even Chief Wahoo of the Cleavland Indians would think that’s kinda racist.
While Brendon has retreated back to whatever dark place only the power of an Angelina Jolie-related story can draw him from, I have returned to you as mystery writer to make sure that you don’t remain ignorant to the fact that Katy Perry‘s vagina is once again being penetrated. TMZ reports:
The two were also spotted together at the music festival last weekend … and according to some reports, Katy was already referring to him as her “boyfriend.”
That music festival happens to be Coachella, where talented musicians — who most likely have wives and/or girlfriends at home — like Robert Ackroyd, guitarist for Florence + The Machine, get to have casual sex with less talented “musicians” like Katy Perry. It’s like Woodstock, only this time penicillin is no match for what they’ll be transmitting to their significant others.
Because Jennifer Aniston would literally die if she had to sit back for the next few months and watch Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie plan their romantic storybook wedding, Jennifer Aniston and her boyfriend Justin Theroux are apparently getting married now too. Except even sooner, and even more romantic storybookier.
Sources connected with the Elounda Beach Hotel in Crete (where Aniston’s dad was born, located about 230 miles south of Greece) tell TMZ … Aniston was there recently, scoping the place out. Our sources say Aniston mentioned a July wedding.??
Crete sounds like a good choice because I don’t think that’s even a real fucking place and maybe her desperation isn’t as well known there as it is everywhere else. All the hours Aniston has spent daydreaming, arranging a roomful of cardboard cut-outs of famous people placed in chairs like an awards show rehearsal and then having someone say they agree to marry her, will finally pay off.