Tommy Lee Jones is not amused

By brendon January 14, 2013 @ 4:22 PM

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Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig were horsing around last night at the Golden Globes while on stage to present the award for Best Girl Actor (video here), but Tommy Lee Jones doesn’t have time for their nonsense. If you say you’re gonna watch a movie, you better watch that fucking movie, or Tommy Lee Jones will beat your ass.

Lady Gaga split her pants

By brendon January 14, 2013 @ 2:29 PM

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A few months ago, Lady Gaga announced that she was bulimic and anorexic, so, great news everyone, because it looks like she’s conquered that. Assuming the thing she wanted to get ripped was the seat of her pants when she bent over, her “BODY REVOLUTION” is going great.

(image source of gaga on stage in vancouver = splash)

Lindsay is just as awful and arrogant as you imagined

By brendon January 11, 2013 @ 7:30 PM

We’re finally done with the server migration stuff, meaning that, after a very long time, the site will actually be back at full speed on Monday. I know the site has kinda sucked lately, a lot of that is my fault and I apologize. Things are about to get better. But for today let’s at least look at the New York Times article about Lindsay Lohan, because they had a reporter on set every day during filming of ‘the Canyons’.

Now, you might assume she’d be an unbearable pain in the ass to work with, and if you take the image in your head right now and multiply it by 1000, you’d be right.

She was routinely late for hours at a time and then unprepared when she arrived, would lock herself in closets and refuse to do scenes, left the set drunk and drove away, would literally jump out of cars to ditch her chaperones and belittle her director and co-stars. And all that was AFTER she laid crying in a hotel hallway, begging for another chance because the director fired her almost immediately.

And she basically admits to all of it (except for the drinking), but then how could she not. That’s the thing about movie sets. They have cameras, and microphones. And they’re pointed at people like Lindsay. So when she she starts telling the other actors to “do your fucking job”, it’s all recorded.

The most insane part in this clip is when Lindsay insinuates that co-star James Deen can’t focus on the scene because he’s too excited about hugging her. James Deen. The porn star. Who has had terrifically deviant sex with thousands of women, 95 percent of whom are hotter than Lindsay.

Thinking Deen would be excited by hugging Lindsay is like thinking a race car driver would be excited if you gave him an old child’s bike that you pulled out of a lake. It’s peeling and dirty and probably diseased, it smells bad and something sticky is dripping out of the bottom. And the bike from the lake wouldn’t be in very good shape either.

Taylor Swift got dumped because she’s “asexual and wouldn’t put out”

By brendon January 10, 2013 @ 6:39 PM

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This should have been obvious based on nothing but the awful, frumpy bikinis she always wears, but Taylor Swift is a boring prude. Seriously. Just look at that god damn picture. What’s drier, the sand or her vagina?

That was rhetorical but I bet Harry Styles of ‘One Direction’ would know, because that’s reportedly why he broke up with her.

(Styles) dumped Taylor Swift after growing tired of her “asexual” ways, Radar.com says.
“Taylor is so concerned that the public will think she’s a wh*re because she dates around, that she doesn’t put out. What she doesn’t get is that the guys keep dumping her because she’s being a prude.”

The good news for Taylor is that there are lots of guys who would love to spend the night with a pale and bony stiff who just lies there in bed. The bad news is that they’re necrophiliacs.

Britney quit the X Factor (before they could fire her)

By brendon January 10, 2013 @ 2:12 PM

Britney Spears will take the $15 million she made this year as a judge on ‘the X Factor’ and walk, choosing not to return for a second season (though she was likely to be fired anyway). Sources says she wants to focus on making her next album (her 8th), but Britney said, “I was on the X Factor? Oh ma God I was wonderin what that was. Did I win? Did I get any stuff?”

Gisele is the latest Terry Richardson victim

By brendon January 10, 2013 @ 2:03 PM

In the past I’ve mocked famous Hollywood photographer Terry Richardson, and rightfully so because he’s a weirdo and all he ever does is have girls stand in front of a blank wall. But in these new copies of his shoot with Giselle Bundchen, he went to the floral department at Ralphs and got some balloons before having her stand in front of a blank wall. So I take it all back; talk about spreading your wings artistically!

(note: the faceless international conglomerate that owns tyler is moving some stuff over to a new server today so i can’t upload pics. so instead im using imgr for now. which is kinda depressing because I think I might like this better.)

Lindsay steals jewelry from old ladies now

By brendon January 09, 2013 @ 7:17 PM

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Driven to a life of crime after suffering the hardships of fortune and success,
Lindsay Lohan stole a bracelet
that Elizabeth Taylor gave to a nurse that cared for her for many years, and who then made the mistake of showing it to Lindsay while on the set of ‘Liz and Dick’.

Obviously, there’s no need to preface anything here with “allegedly” or “reportedly”, because Lindsay is 100 percent guilty and she absolutely robbed the old lady. She probably pushed her down the stairs and yelled “suck my dick” too.

“Elizabeth (Taylor) had given the nurse an expensive bracelet that was very meaningful to her and the nurse absolutely cherished it. Lindsay immediately fell in love with the bracelet the minute she saw it and was very vocal about how much she admired it. A short time later, the bracelet disappeared from the nurse’s house … on the very same day Lindsay had been to visit.
“The nurse initially gave Lindsay the benefit of the doubt, thinking that she had just accidentally forgotten to take the bracelet off after trying it on. However, that theory was soon shot down after she called Lindsay and she swore she did not take the bracelet and categorically denied having it in her possession. The nurse knew that was a blatant lie as the bracelet disappeared after Lindsay was at the house and she knew that it had to have been Lindsay who took it. In the end, it took over a week to get the bracelet back from Lindsay and it was only returned after the nurse threatened to call the cops.”

Ahh, a classic Lindsay caper. Meaning she was the only suspect and it was immediately solved. Someone should tell Danny Ocean here that she might not wanna loudly fawn over the object she plans to steal minutes later. It’s kind of a giveaway. If Lindsay tried to poison you, your drink would be green with fog coming off the top and she’d hand it to you with fireplace tongs.

Anne Hathaway is dark and brooding

By brendon January 09, 2013 @ 3:01 PM

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Anne Hathaway was one of the many big stars in New York last night for the 2013 National Board of Review Awards, and after that she went over to the organic coffee house to read some of her goth poetry.

(image source = getty, wenn, splash)