Gwen Stefani is pretty damn hot

Gwen Stefani was still on her yacht off the coast of France near Cannes earlier today, and I guess one of the reasons she looks so good in a bikini, even at the age of 41, is because she never wears one. She's never out in the sun. That's why there aren't many pictures like this. She's so pale if she stays in the sun for more than a few minutes she starts smoking like a vampire. (image source = fame) [gallery...

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Monday headlines, with Michelle Hunziker in a bikini

TREE OF LIFE - won the equivalent of Best Picture at the Cannes Fim Festival this weekend, but experts don't think that will help much at the box office. But how can that be? Everyone loves the French. If those socialist pussies liked the movie, it should do great here in America. (la times) KIRSTEN DUNST - was the winner of the Best Actress award at Cannes for her work in 'Melancholia'. As you now know, Cannes...

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January Jones is sort of a bitch

The reason you always hear nice stories about people like Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock and bitchy stories about Jennifer Aniston is because Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock are nice and Jennifer Aniston is a bitch. It's not some conspiracy. Everyone in Hollywood didn't meet in a secret mansion one night and agree to spread crazy stories about some random person for no reason. So with that in mind, here's another story...

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Lindsay also wore a bikini, looked fat

Okay I swear to God I'm done with Lindsay Lohan pictures after this, but she wore a bikini yesterday, and after seeing her body it's hard to remember if she spent the past year in a courtroom or a wheelchair. What a lump of shit she is. (image source = inf) [gallery...

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Lindsay Lohan had an upskirt. Maybe.

Lindsay Lohan has been so busy lately casing jewelry stores and pouring vodka into water bottles, she's gotten away from her first love; exposing herself to the paparazzi. But she made up for lost time this weekend by standing on the corner of a balcony in a dress with no panties. Or maybe she did have panties. It's hard to tell, and believe me, I really looked. I haven't been this mystified by a vagina since I was...

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Kate Beckinsale looks pregnant

She hasn't made any sort of announcement yet, but Kate Beckinsale sure as hell looked pregnant during a hike yesterday in LA. But then by the last picture, she didn't look pregnant anymore. She also seems to have hiked all the way back to the old west, so really there's not a thing about any of this that makes any sense. (image source = pacific coast) [gallery...

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Julianne Hough is in a bikini, probably annoying

Julianne Hough of ‘Dancing with the Stars' and now the remake of ‘Footloose', was on the beach in Miami this morning with her younger sister and her newborn nephew, but quickly packed up and went to the pool. Probably because Julianne wanted to drown the baby in the ocean but couldn't after the paparazzi spotted her. Is it me or does this chick seem like a complete bitch? (image source = pacific coast and inf and ...

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Macho Man Randy Savage died today

Macho Man Randy Savage, one of the most popular WWE superstars of all time, died this morning in a car accident near his home in Tampa, Florida. He was 58. TMZ says Macho was driving his 2009 Jeep Wrangler when he had a heart attack, lost control of his car, and collided head-on with a tree. So at least he gave those around him one last thrill and a chance to scream. Although in this case it was the people on the...

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Bar Refaeli is helpful

Bar Refaeli, though technically not a doctor, was also at amfAR's Cinema Against AIDS Gala last night at Cannes, and unlike Kanye, she actually made a difference. Wearing a tight dress may or may not heal anyone, but it should at least give those sick ugly bastards a reason to live again. (image source = getty and splash and bauer griffin) [gallery...

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Kanye West is gonna cure AIDS in style

The Cannes Film Festival isn't simply about self promotion and pussy, it's also about nurturing the creative spirit of film making and helping others. I'm lying of course. It's about self promotion and pussy. So that's why, when Kanye West went to the amfAR Cinema Against AIDS charity event last night, he drove up like Blackman (black Batman) in a Mercedes McLaren SLR Stirling Moss. One of just 75 in the world, with a...

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'Nikita' is a really good show

Maggie Q (the "Q" is short for "Quigley" btw. She's Irish, Polish and Vietnamese) was in New York yesterday for the CW upfront to promote 'Nikita', and she looked a million times better than she did a few weeks ago. And by that I mean she was nice and skinny and her ass looked fantastic. She's better at having an ass than I've ever been at anything in my whole life. (image source = flynet and wenn and splash and ...

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Thursday headlines, with Poppy Montgomerys ass

MEL GIBSON - was boo'd by crowds at Cannes today, and here it is on video. He's really gotten his comeuppance now. I bet he's simply devastated. (huff post) LARS VON TRIER - won the top prize at Cannes in 2000 and was the runner-up twice, but he's now banned after jokingly referring to himself as a Nazi in a press conference yesterday. At least they better hope he was joking, or else he'll come back and burn that...

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'Terminator 5' just got cancelled

Just a few weeks ago, the biggest story about Arnold Schwarzenegger was that he was set to return to acting, most notably, reprising the role that made him a star. Which I assumed meant as Hercules, making me look like quite the fool. But now, with fathers day just a month away and multiple parties to plan for, the AP says he's not reprising that or anything else. A statement from Schwarzenegger's office Thursday says...

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South Park made fun of Schwarzenegger

Hopefully Maria Shriver didn't sit down last night to relax and watch some TV, assuming that, as long as she avoided the news, she wouldn't have to hear anymore about her husband and his serial killer-like penis. Because Matt and Trey will sometimes turn in episodes of 'South Park' just hours before they air, and watching Butters mistake her for Skeletor is probably not gonna help her bruised ego any.

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Bar Refali is trying to make DiCaprio jealous

One reason I rarely date international supermodels anymore is because they can't handle getting dumped. They're used to everyone fawning all over them, so when I tell 'em to hit the bricks they get all clingy. The same thing might be happening to Leonardo DiCaprio, who is in Cannes this week, and was photographed on a yacht hugging Blake Lively. This is just one week after it was announced that he and Bar Refaeli had...

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