Perez Hilton Continues Bitchy Feud With Lady Gaga

By Michael November 26, 2013 @ 3:02 PM

Penis drawing blogger Perez Hilton escalated his feud with fellow drag queen Lady Gaga on the Wendy Williams show this week. Hilton has been waging a bitchy slap fight with Gaga for over a year. The thing is that no one knows why. They used to be BFF’s, hanging out together and talking about wigs and glitter and why the world needs them now more than ever. Then, all of a sudden, Perez turned on Gaga like a gay pitbull on a cock steak. Williams asked Hilton about his feud and he cryptically said,

“She has a history of, and I don’t want to name names — she globs on to people, uses them and once they’re no longer of use to her will just throw them aside. That is what I’ve observed.”

Now that is just obscure bitchy. How can you talk about history with somebody nobody even in your ass-chaps underground knew about just four years ago. Are you suggesting that world famous entertainers don’t make great friends? Oh, nos Perez. Unsmiley face. Jesus, you’re 35. Despite your wishes upon every falling star, you’re not actually a middle school girl. Now, draw a penis on a picture of Lady Gaga where her penis used to be and put this gripe behind you.

Mayor Rob Ford Gets Porn Offer

By Lex November 26, 2013 @ 2:43 PM

Mayor Rob Ford Attends A Catwalk Cure Event In Toronto
Vivid is big on free publicity by issuing unlikely to be accepted porn offers to people in the news. Any time there’s a media circus around some individual, they offer them a million dollars in some played out letter that TMZ turns into a headline with exclamation points. On her Vivid radio show, oft-analized Brandy Aniston offered Toronto Mayor Rob Ford a deal to bang her on camera for cash. Aniston says the Mayor is ‘cute, in a teddy bear kind of way’. Which is code for he’s a big fat sweaty slob who smells like old pancakes but if I close my eyes and just think about the cash, I can make it look like I’m having fun. But this Rob Ford offer, they better be serious on. This drunken crack man whore mayor might actually accept the offer. He’s not big on shame and the pipe don’t just feed itself on a Canadian government pension.

Photo Credit: WENN, Brandy Aniston/Twitter

Angelina Buys Brad Pitt A Fucking Island

By Michael November 26, 2013 @ 1:54 PM

What do you buy the man that already has everything? A fucking heart-shaped island, of course! At least that’s what the once hot Angelina Jolie got for Brad Pitt for his 50th birthday. Petra island is a small rock 50 miles off the coast of New York City that has two houses built by the great American architect Frank Lloyd Wright. Pitt is apparently a Lloyd Wright fan, so naturally he should get both as well as the rest of the island, right? Well, of course! He deserves all the best. After all it’s not easy dressing up and playing pretend. Oh wait, it totally fucking is.

It makes sense that Angelina Jolie is now buying up remote islands. She can staff the islands with discreet medical teams prepared to lop off her body parts as genetics testing reveals her chances for various future diseases. At some point, she’ll come back to the mainland as merely a portion of torso encased in a saline filled bio-suit. But Brad will still love her. Because he’s that kind of a guy. The guy who gets islands for his birthday.

Catarina Migliorini Selling Her Virginity, Again

By Lex November 26, 2013 @ 1:39 PM

Catarina Migliorini Poses In Bikini To Sell Her Virginity For The Second Time
I guess you can go home again. That Brazilian chick who auctioned off her virginity last year for $780K to a horny Japanese business man is selling it again. Catarina Migliorini claims that original deal was never consummated and her hymen remains more intact than a Japanese tsunami wall. Some people are skeptical of her cherry claim, but Catarina defends her purity like only a girl selling her vagina for money online really can:

“When I say I am a virgin it’s because there is no one in the world that can prove the contrary. I never had sexual relations of any type with anyone, not vaginal, not anal and not oral.”

Catarina sure sounds like a fun girl. There’s nothing like paying a cool half a mill to watch a girl cry and ask if it’s okay if she calls her mom before you ruin her. I can get that on my regular dates for twenty bucks. Catarina is pretty hot, but I’m prepared to call every single one of the six-figure bidders on her site bogus. Like most Brazilian sex workers, it’s time for Catarina to give up her dreams of the big stage and pray to Cristo Redento that Justin Bieber will splooge himself to a deep sleep in her brothel chambers.

Photo Credit: www.virginswanted2.com

Sydney Leathers Is Selling Her Leftover Labia

By Travis November 26, 2013 @ 12:00 PM

Aspiring porn star and former Anthony Weiner sexting mistress Sydney Leathers is apparently feeling a little bashful these days, as TMZ reports that she is having an expensive labiaplasty procedure done to cut back some of the mud flaps on her money tunnel. By itself, this story isn’t even worth mentioning until the operation is over and she starts letting porn stars split her in half, but Sydney is going the extra mile and auctioning off her vagina trimmings. A labiaplasty reportedly costs about $8,400, so a girl needs to earn a little back, but if you’re a guy looking to shell out even a dime for a piece of labia removed from any woman, let alone this worthless leech, you really, really need to reconsider every decision you’ve made in your life up to this point.

Photo Credit: Alberto Reyes/WENN.com

Nina Agdal Models Bikinis On The Beach In Los Angeles

By Lex November 26, 2013 @ 11:04 AM

Nina Agdal Models Bikinis On The Beach In Los Angeles

Photo Credit: PCN

Brandi Cyrus Wants To Be Famous Now, Too

By Travis November 26, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Now that Miley Cyrus has made it big and is flapping her nonexistent ass cheeks all over the stage with D-list rappers, the Cyrus family is trying to elevate 26-year old Brandi Cyrus to fame, because if there’s a dollar to be made, Billy Ray and Trish will take it. Brandi was also at the American Music Awards on Sunday night, interviewing celebrities on the red carpet, but she absolutely dazzled on her own as people took pictures of her and asked, “Who the fuck is this girl?” while others responded, “No clue, I’m just making sure my camera works.”

Photo Credits: Getty

Kanye West Wants You To Boycott Louis Vuitton

By Travis November 26, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Because he thinks that he’s the most important person in the world at all times, Kanye West is calling for his fans to boycott Louis Vuitton after the company’s vice president allegedly refused a meeting with him. The rapper told 92.3 NOW Radio that while he was in Paris, he wanted to have a pow wow with Louis Vuitton, probably to push his leather sweatpants, and he claims that Yves Carcelle asked why they even needed to meet. “I said, ‘Let me explain to you why you need to meet with me,’” Kanye replied in his imaginary conversation with his own bad ass self, according to the Daily Mail, and without explaining anything further, he added, “Everybody in New York City right now don’t buy any Louis Vuitton until after January.”

That’ll show the big, bad fashion company, Kanye. Just wait until they feel the sting of five people not buying overpriced purses for two months. I bet Yves might even kill himself.

Photo Credit: Getty