Kim Kardashian is in Esquire

By brendon June 08, 2012 @ 6:10 PM


Kim Kardashian is in the Mexican edition of Esquire this month, and even though I don’t speak Spanish it was full of surprising revelations. Specifically that she can lie back in water. Her ass is so big I assumed the buoyancy would keep her completely upright, bobbing up and down like a buoy in the ocean. This might be some kind of special effect they’re using.

Lindsay Lohan hospitalized after car crash

By brendon June 08, 2012 @ 5:35 PM


Lindsay Lohan and her assistant are now in the hospital after Lindsay drove a black Porsche that she was renting into the back of an 18 wheeler on Pacific Coast Highway around noon, according to TMZ.

Lindsay and her passenger were reportedly “bleeding and bruised”, though they otherwise appeared to be fine.

And it should go without saying that Lindsay claims none of this is her fault and that the 18 wheeler cut her off. Which sounds reasonable because those are such nimble vehicles, always darting back and forth like little rabbits, unlike the clunky and lumbering Porsche.

DISAPPOINTING UPDATE – Lindsay has been released from the hospital and is fine.

Will Smith has a new version of ‘Summertime’

By brendon June 08, 2012 @ 5:34 PM

I don’t remember a whole lot from 1991, but I don’t think I ever liked the song ‘Summertime’. Well now Will Smith and DJ Jazzy Jeff have done a new version, so maybe the problem before was that it didn’t have a man in his 40‘s with a hacking cough over a beat that sounds embarrassed to be there.

(listens to clip)

Oh hey so it turns that didn’t help at all and the song still sucks. The full version will be available for download on Monday, though I can’t imagine why you’d do that.

Britney almost ate it

By brendon June 08, 2012 @ 4:10 PM


While in Kansas City today for another round of ‘X Factor’ auditions, Britney Spears stepped out of her SUV and almost instantly collapsed in a heap. I’ve never seen such grace and agility, she’s like a gazelle.

(image source = inf)

Miley Cyrus was not cutting herself on Instagram

By brendon June 08, 2012 @ 3:34 PM


The internet did what it did best yesterday (jump to conclusions and freak the fuck out) after a friend of Miley Cyrus put the picture seen above on Instagram. After people stopped looking at her braless tits, they were outraged, saying that not only was Miley cutting herself, but she was making light of it.

In reality, according to the friend who took the picture…

“It’s just a freaking bracelet picture. It’s a handcuff bracelet and she’s just showing it off, that’s all. Like really, she’s not cutting herself.”

Which is pretty apparent if you actually look at the picture. But hey, at least we got to see a teenagers tits without having to close a half dozen LiveJasmin ads when we were done.

(image source of miley arriving in new orleans yesterday = fame/flynet)

Miss USA is fixed, says girl it wasnt fixed for

By brendon June 08, 2012 @ 2:48 PM


Miss Pennsylvania Sheena Monnin was on the Today show this morning repeating her claims that the Miss Universe pageant, or at least the Miss USA portion which was held last weekend, is rigged.

She’s already resigned her crown and is being sued by pageant owner Donald Trump, but she insists Karina Brez (Miss Florida) found out what the top 5 would be before the pageant even began. Brez now insists she was joking, but Monnin doesn’t believe her.

“I have many years of psychological training, I know when someone is telling a joke. I know when someone is scared and when someone is serious, and in my opinion, her body language was very serious and she looked a little bit scared.”

Well of course it’s rigged. As opposed to what? Rob Kardashian was one of the judges, he probably didn’t even know there were 50 states until this, you think he’s actually sitting there listening to the questions and answers? Speaking of which, hey Miss Alabama, how long have you been a woman?

(image source of every contestant in a bikini, in alphabetical order = wenn. miss rhode island was the winner, even though miss nevada is way hotter. more importantly, wyoming, kentucky, and pennsylvania had the nicest tits)

Britney leaves ‘the X Factor’ set because she has ADHD

By brendon June 07, 2012 @ 7:21 PM


Britney Spears made news on her very first day as a judge on ‘the X Factor’ when she walked off the set for about 20 minutes, and she’s reportedly done the same thing several times since.

Which seems reasonable because that shit looks boring, but a “source” says it’s actually because she has attention deficit disorder and can’t take meds to treat it.

“The medication helped her deal with it, however, she can’t take it now because it interferes with the other meds she takes for her mental health issues.”
“Simon was made fully aware of Britney’s medical history before the contract was signed, so this certainly isn’t a big surprise … Look, Britney basically has the attention span of a 10-year-old at times. It’s not alarming to Simon at all and he is fully supportive of Britney doing whatever she needs to do during filming.”

Wow the source really got snooty there at the end. Pardon us for listening to your response, dickhead.

Courtney Robertson is in a bikini, photogenic

By brendon June 07, 2012 @ 5:06 PM


‘Bachelor’ winner Courtney Robertson had a photo shoot on the beach in Malibu today, and when she wasn’t frolicking in the water she was reading the erotic novel ‘Fifty Shades of Gray’. And the book got her so turned on she took off her bikini and started masturbating, right there on the beach. No that’s not true. That would have been terrific though.

(image source = pacific coast, bauer griffin)