By Lex August 16, 2013 @ 4:08 PM
I have no clue who Stephanie Cook is. Nor do I care. All I know is she is helping to promote the drinking of more bottled water so that we as a species can live. Before the 1980′s, there really was no conveniently obtainable bottled water and everybody perished. It’s only since we invented the ability to put water in containers and charge two bucks for what used to be free that we have been able to survive this molten hot planet. So, thank you for that, Stephanie Cook. And also for your tits. Not in any particular order.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex August 16, 2013 @ 3:58 PM
It’s great how two soul mates can get back together after years of being apart and having sex on camera and making babies and contracting diseases from scores of other people and it’s like they were never apart at all. Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon are in Hawaii celebrating the tenth anniversary of neither of them having a job and to rekindle the passion fire that led them to be married for several hours at one time in their lives. It really was romantic. Especially when Pamela performed her underwater fellatio trick for Rick and as many other men as it took to pay for their hotel room for the night.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Jack August 16, 2013 @ 3:34 PM
Some marketing genius came up with the perfect advertisement for a New York hot dog truck: The Anthony Weinermobile. The hot dog truck hit the streets of Manhattan a couple of days ago and handed out free eats. The Weinermobile is painted with images of Carlos Danger himself in all his goofy Skeksis-like glory. Sure, unless the skeevy politician wins the mayoral race the joke will quickly run its course, but for now they stand to make a mint. Unless the Weiners pull your hair and tell you to ‘suck it, whore’ while you eat them. That could be off-putting.
By Lex August 16, 2013 @ 2:50 PM
Madonna had a good run. She made a shit ton out of precious few natural resources. She’s like Hong Kong. But now she needs to turn the chieftain stick over to her daughter Lourdes. Lourdes has tools her mother never had. Like the innate talents to draw in a straight male audience. Time to chip away the ice floe and send Madonna on her next great adventure. Goodbye, Madge, we’ll see you on the other side.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex August 16, 2013 @ 2:19 PM
The Kris Jenner show did reasonably well in opening weeks as Kris kept insinuating that Kim and her baby would be on the show to spike interest among the bored housewives and trainables that form the core of her fan base. But since that time, ratings have been slipping as even the morons have tired of trying to count the plastic surgery rings on Kris’ face to approximate her age. Kris tried to turn things around by bringing Khloe on the show to sumo wrestle. It wasn’t really a fair fight thanks to Khloe’s eight stone weight advantage and gravity. I would have committed to a week’s worth of watching if Khloe had consumed her kill after pinning her to the ground.
By Jack August 16, 2013 @ 1:33 PM
Kanye “Yeezus Chrizzle” West was booed at a Dodgers’ game on Wednesday. Our lord and savior was at the stadium watching the Dodgers take on the New York Mets. When the Jumbotron cameras focused in on him during an inning break, the crowd exploded into boos and screams of hate. Later, the same camera focused on pop singer Robin Thicke and that same crowd went crazy. It looks like the inevitable has happened and even the smug L.A. tide has turned against this enormous douchenozzle. Maybe it’s his shitty new album, maybe it’s that Kim Kardashian shat out his bastard ferret, or maybe it’s just that he’s a remarkably unlikeable guy. Or, maybe, he’s just being treated like Jesus. Kanye is probably thinking that much like the carpenter from Nazareth, haters gonna hate him to death. Robin Thicke is the Barabbas the crowd prefers to the real Yeeziah. Only if Kanye gets crucified I doubt he’ll rise again on the third day. Let’s nail him up and see what happens.
By Lex August 16, 2013 @ 12:21 PM
Every woman is beautiful in her own way. For Lady Gaga, that way is butt naked and drawing attention away from her mug. Strapping on clothes and colorfully painting the grill is a major misstep of public presentation. It’s a Lady Gaga pick six. She needs to seriously reevaluate her coaching staff.
Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin, FameFlynet, WENN
By Lex August 16, 2013 @ 11:54 AM
Laura Prepon announced she will not be coming back for the second season of Orange is the New Black on Netflix. Everybody is coming up with their own fake public reasons why this is disappointing when mostly they’re just upset over not seeing her boobs again (NSFW). That pretty much explains the real reason any guy is ever upset over any girl being gone. What, Wendy got fired? That’s so unfair (I’m going to miss staring at her tits in the break room). I heard Tim busted up with that chick he was seeing (I’m going to miss her huge rack something awful). It’s hard to believe Michelle Obama is no longer first lady…. yeah, you get the idea.
Photo Credit: Getty, WENN