Sharon Osbourne Shit All Over Kanye And Bieber

By Travis July 30, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Co-host of The Talk, judge for the U.K.’s X Factor and all-around honest, old bitch Sharon Osbourne recently did an interview with The Daily Beast, and in between ripping Anthony Weiner and praising Mariah Carey, Ozzy’s wife took a few moments to spit hot fire at Kanye West and Justin Bieber for basically being massive douchebags.

Of Kanye, she said, “… he’s an average-looking man with an average talent, but he’s a great salesman” and stated the more-than-obvious that he’s his own No. 1 fan. As for Justin, she claims that she feels bad for him as he tries so hard to be a tough bad boy, calling him “mean as a fuckin’ kitten” while reminding everyone that very few teen stars make the transition to adult very well.

Of course, Sharon wasn’t asked for her opinion of herself, because if she ever answers that question, she’d have to return to hell to once again serve as one of Satan’s hemorrhoids.

(Photo Credit: Getty)

Tyra Banks Suddenly Seems Very Important

By Travis July 30, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

Model and talk show host Tyra Banks attended the CW, CBS and Showtime Summer TCA Party in Los Angeles yesterday, and she looked… strange. On one hand, she brilliantly shoved her breasts into a tight dress to make it look like she has two Tyreses ready to pop out at any moment. But on the other hand, her face looks like someone slapped her on the back while she was eating a Sour Patch Kid during a two-week bout of bulimia and now she’s permanently frozen that way.

But, of course, rock beats scissors and giant breasts beat a face so jagged that you could cut a diamond with it, so it’s nice to have you back, Tyra.

Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin, FameFlynet, PCN, Getty

Josh Duhamel Looks Miserable

By Lex July 29, 2013 @ 5:11 PM

Fergie And Josh Duhamel Go To Church In Brentwood
The last time I saw this face was on James Gandolfini a month before he passed. It’s overwhelmed man face. Josh Duhamel has it going on in spades. Getting around with the ladies in Hollywood was no problem for this famed cocksman, but nurturing a blown up Fergie through her pregnancy seems to have Josh on the cliff’s edge. Yeah, Fergie looks like hell too. But she’s having a baby. Nature is supposed to make her unhappy. Josh, he’s looking ready to Shawshank through half a mile of sewer line to get out right about now. This should get interesting.

Photo Credit: Splash

Cleveland Kidnap Victim Cheered On By Cleveland Concert Crowd (VIDEO)

By Lex July 29, 2013 @ 4:54 PM

You go, Cleveland. Amanda Berry was one of the three girls kept locked in the basement of Cleveland bus driver Ariel Castro’s house for a decade. Which seemed really kind of impossible given all the police presence for crime on the block, nosey neighbors, relatives, and whatnot through the years, none of whom noticed anything unusual. So, maybe Clevelanders aren’t going to be the ones to ID the next terrorist group before they go live, but they do know how to rock and roll. So when Amanda got up on stage at a Cleveland music fest and introduced and serenaded by Nelly, it was one special moment. I doubt it made up for ten years of kidnap, torture, and abuse, but it had to come close.

Photo Credit: Twitter

Amanda Bynes Parents Want to Raise Her, Again

By Lex July 29, 2013 @ 4:15 PM

I know sometimes crazy just comes out of the blue, but that’s the exception. Crazy usually runs in families. You get it from your folks, just like double jointedness, only with a lot more fires and head shavings. But, never count out stage parents, who are back in the game filing for a Britney-like conservatorship over their daughter Amanda Bynes. Just because Amanda is locked down in the looney bin for another couple weeks doesn’t mean her folks will automatically get their order. A judge has to look Amanda in the eyes and see if she’s just mildly crazy or shopping mall shooting crazy. For the most part, if you’re the former, you get left to wander the earth freely in the stench of your own excrement. Amanda hasn’t killed anybody yet, just called lots of people ugly. Which I know still hurts, but it’s not treated the same under the law.

(By the way, I fucked up last week when I said Amanda was underneath a blanket being wheeled out of her psychiatric hold. That was Amanda, she was being wheeled around, but they didn’t let her crazy ass back on the streets yet.)

Nicole Richie In A Gold Bikini

By Lex July 29, 2013 @ 3:54 PM

Nicole Richie In A Gold Bikini On A Yacht In Cannes
If you ran a Body Mass Index on Nicole Richie, it would come back with a score of ‘eat some fucking food already’. I say that lovingly. I don’t want to see somebody claimed by anorexia and then I become like my aunt who tells the Karen Carpenter story over and over again. None of Nicole’s works have ever touched me like Interplanetary Craft apparently did my aunt. I’d have to fake it and talk glowingly to the next generation about The Simple Life or something. That would suck. Just eat already.

Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin

“Sharknado” Sequel Doesn’t Want Tara Reid

By Jack July 29, 2013 @ 2:10 PM

Production for Sharknado 2 will be underway soon without Tara Reid. The former star will not be rejoining the cast of the movie where sharks fall from the skies even though Ian Ziering will return as hero Finley ‘Fin’ Shepherd. This in spite of the fact that Tara’s character survived the massive shark attack. In the original Sharknado Reid played Ziering’s estranged wife and a lot of the movie is spent trying to reunite them through all the badly rendered CGI sharky action. No specific reason was given for Tara not being asked back for Sharknado 2. But, it’s certainly a slap in the face.

I can’t imagine a clearer sign that it’s time to call it quits than when the sequel to Sharknado doesn’t want you. That’s pretty fucking bad. I mean, it’s one thing when real movies with plots and distribution deals don’t want to risk you ruining their productions, but Sharknado 2? That’s bad. Real bad. Maybe it’s time to apply to Starbucks, Tara. No, not the one in the fancy mall, that one that opened up in the janky part of town as a deal to appease the city council.

Jennifer Aniston Likes Having a Fiance

By Lex July 29, 2013 @ 1:03 PM

Jennifer Aniston Walking Into A Building In SoHo
Jennifer Aniston likes being engaged, going on for a year now with no real marriage pending.

“We just want to do it when it’s perfect, and we’re not rushed, and no one is rushing from a job or rushing to a job. And, you know, we already feel married.”

Wow, Justin Theroux. Get the fuck out. Now. Sure, you can call this liberating for the dude as he gets to plow Jennifer Aniston without having to marry her. But that’s regular guy’s logic. Jennifer Aniston is no gold digger. She’s got all the gold. She’s just keeping you wrapped up in an engagement prison of her long and complex baggage. Those berating screams assaulting your left ear when you look at another woman. Yeah, those aren’t going away, pal. Your fiancee loves being engaged like she likes holding your nuts in her designer clutch. GTFO now.

Photo Credit:, Splash