Victoria Silvstedt In A Bikini

By Lex July 02, 2013 @ 12:45 PM

Victoria Silvstedt In A White Bikini Poolside In France
Victoria Silvstedt always seems to be posed by the sea. Like a mythological creature. Or a navy port hooker. I imagine you could come back to these rocky shores in the Mediterranean a thousand years from now and Victoria would still be standing just so. Or at least there’d be two bags of silicone resting neatly on a limestone outcropping.

Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin

Lena Dunham Doesn’t Wear Underwear…Ew

By Jack July 02, 2013 @ 12:06 PM

Lena Dunham continued her quest to gross us all out by admitting that she never wears underwear. Unless she is forced to by her costume department. Apparently, she refuses to cover her hairy maw up when she goes to the set, so the costume department has to provide her underwear everyday so she doesn’t get gross personal pie sweat all over their clothes. The Girls star tweeted the following:

“Our costume dept has realized that if they want me in underwear they have to provide them. And they do. Every day. I love the @girlsHBO crew”

And they love you back. At least when they’re not heckling you for being a disgusting, selfish, unappealing actress bitch who’s making all their clothes smell like dead doves. Put some fucking underpants on you, anti-Siren of the sea.

Miley Cyrus’ Mouth Keeps Getting Bigger

By Lex July 02, 2013 @ 12:00 PM


I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that Maxim named this woman the hottest female on the planet. It was like arguing with my Uncle Ray over whether or not Paul O’Neill was the greatest baseball player ever. It always ended up with me calling Ray a retard and Ray telling me my parents never loved me. We were both clinically correct. I don’t want to have that fight with Maxim. If they think Aladdin’s monkey is the walking embodiment of female sexuality, so be it. Next year they can name the remaining female parts of Chaz Bono the winner. I do not care. Except I do. Idiots.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet, INF

Jourdan Dunn Was Fired By Dior Because Her Small Boobs Are Too Big

By Travis July 02, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Jourdan Dunn is a 22-year old British runway model who was supposed to be appearing at yesterday’s Dior couture show in Paris, but two things got in her way of that happening – her big, ol’ boobies. Except, at 32A, her breasts aren’t exactly crushing any beer cans, yet they were still big enough to get her booted from fashion show’s lineup.

Dunn Tweeted about her cancellation, proclaiming her sarcastic love of the industry that gives her money to walk in a straight line and look like someone just kicked her cat. But she also admitted that this was a nice change from when she’s normally fired for being black, to which guys everywhere replied, “Can’t we just keep this about your tits?”

(Photo Credits: WENN.com)

Jessica Alba Looks Really Fucking Nervous

By Lex July 02, 2013 @ 10:27 AM

Jessica Alba In See Through Shirt Arriving At A Medical Building In Los Angeles
Jessica Alba looks like she’s at Camp Crystal Lake and the dude she was supposed to be boning after lights out suddenly went missing. Only, she’s not in a horror movie, she’s visiting a medical office in West Hollywood. And sweating. I just want to give her a cup of sherbet and tell her everything is going to be alright with her abortion.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Ian Ziering Stripped For His Old Castmates

By Travis July 02, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Despite being a year shy of 50, Ian Ziering is still in pretty decent shape. But I guess it’s easy to stay fit when all you have to do is occasionally play yourself in a movie or voice a cartoon mouse. The combination of being in good shape and needing a job are why Ian was a great fit to join the Chippendales show in Las Vegas, and he celebrated his first month of stripping for horny, old women by bringing in two of his favorite horny, old Beverly Hills, 90120 co-stars.

Shannen Doherty and Jennie Garth were guests of honor at a Chippendales show over the weekend, and I assume that Gabrielle Carteris couldn’t make it because she’s dead. I may be wrong, but she was about 70 when that show first aired.

(Photo Credits: Getty)

Rap Feuds Have Hit An All-Time Low

By Travis July 02, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

Back in the good, old days, if two rappers didn’t like each other, they’d either settle their beef by writing hate-filled diss tracks about each other, like Jay-Z and Nas, or in extreme cases, it would be settled in the streets by warring gang members*, like Biggie and Tupac. Unfortunately, today’s rappers feud about as well two special needs girls. Case in point – Pharrell is suing will.i.am over the use and ownership of the phrase “I am”.

According to TMZ, will.i.am’s lawyers fired the first shots with a cease and desist after Pharrell created the YouTube channel “I Am Other”, so Pharrell responded by quoting Dr. Seuss lines in his own lawsuit, in proving why he should be able keep the title. I think the simple solution is to just let Suge Knight handle this the right way in exchange for not sending him back to jail. Justice used to mean something in this country.

*And dirty cops. You can’t ever forget the dirty cops.

(Photo Credit: Getty)

Serena Williams Has Been Defeated; You May Now Return to Your Homes

By Lex July 01, 2013 @ 6:22 PM



To fight monsters, we built monsters. Well, we didn’t. But the Germans did. Sabine Lisicki. She felled the beast in relatively easy fashion by tiring out the older Serena’s legs by moving her all over the court throughout. I don’t care that Serena can military press the mass of several small island nations. You got no legs, you go down. Following the match, Serena was loaded onto the back of a tractor-trailer and driven to an undisclosed location in the West of England. For their part, the jubilant Germans celebrated victory by killing their nation’s last remaining bagelmaker.

Photo Credit: Getty