Mila Kunis was out shopping for groceries in Los Angeles yesterday with an older woman, who I assume is either her mom or Ashton Kutcher’s stylist, and she did not look pleased at all that people were taking her picture. In fact, she was so pissed-off-looking and plainly-dressed that people might have even started mistaking her for Kristen Stewart. But you can’t really blame Mila for looking so irritated, because if you had to listen to Ashton cry about how people hated Jobs all day long, you’d want to put a bullet in your skull, too.
(Photo Credits: Owen Beiny/WENN.com)
At least, I hope that Mr. T had a threeway with Brandi Glanville and another woman, because otherwise he just kind of looked like a tourist asking a couple F-listers for a quick photo yesterday in Beverly Hills. I’m also disappointed in Mr. T that he’s wearing a regular FBI shirt and not the Female Body Inspector kind, because if you’re 61-years old, barely working and walking around Beverly Hills in sweatpants and slippers, you’ve already pretty much said, “Fuck it.”
(Photo Credits: Winston Burris/WENN.com)
This is the second girl today that George Clooney has nailed that we get to see in a bikini. Which should only serve to remind you that checking out a hot model in a bikini is a sad sorry second place to having sex with a hot model. Lots of inspirational type folks would tell you to get off your ass, get off the computer, and go get some for yourself. I’d tell you to stay on your computer and figure out how to catfish yourself as George Clooney. That get off your ass thing is never really going to work.
Here’s Elisabetta Canalis in a bikini at some fancy Italian resort where the women are so good looking you pray for the chance to catch an STD.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
All the people who get upset over shit are really upset about Kanye West taking $3 million bucks to play the wedding of the grandson of the Royal Poobah of Kazakistan. I don’t think Kazakhstan was even a country on the last day I was ever in a school, but I’m guessing it’s located somewhere to the east of the I Don’t Give a Shit Mountains and just below the Middle of Fucking Nowhere Valley. And maybe the Great Leader of Kazakhstan likes to beat and torture people. But is he really any worse than half the people who attend Kanye concerts now? Is a dictator any worse than playing to the Kardashians? Meh, the Kardashians may not beat their opponents with truncheons in the streets, but would you rather take a stick to the face or three years of Khloe incessantly whining on Twitter? Precisely.
Clint Eastwood divorced his something number wife of something number of years because she was depressing and annoying the shit out of him. Some people will question why an 83-year old man would take the trouble to get divorced. But I get it. Me and Clint, we’re old school guys, so when he’s out to make one last banging run, he’s going to make sure he’s clear in the adultery process. Just covering off the bases with the Big Guy even as you’re Viagra-nailing your next young chick.
Here’s the blonde woman Clint was seen dropping off at the airport. Clint’s still got another bullet in the chamber and he’s feeling lucky.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
Teddy bear rapist Miley Cyrus says she is really fucked up in a new interview. Is she, realllly? Miley has been in the news lately after she gyrated like a harlot and dry humped Robin Thicke on the VMAs, (even though he was dressed like Beetlejuice at the time). Miley seems to be following former Disney alumns Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, and Amanda Bynes down the path to self destruction. Miley says,
“I have so many fucking issues. I am so fucked up -– everyone does dumb stuff when they are messed up…I don’t have a normal life. I take a hiatus every now and again, but I’m not good at that.”
She says it’s because she works soooo hard. Sure. I’m sure cocaine has nothing to do with it. I for one don’t buy it. I think she is still playing the double life of Hannah Montana, only this version of Hannah is a ho. I get the distinct feeling that Miley is affecting this entire thing. Unlike Britney and Amanda who really did go nuts, Miley’s actions feel as forced as Billy Ray Cyrus’ heterosexuality. She knows that after the teeny bopper and Disney Channel Original Movies are over there is only one way to stay relevant: act like a freakshow whore. Or have talent, but since that isn’t the case she has to go with the twerking thing.
Carlos Danger, (AKA Anthony Weiner), committed the classic lame white guy blunder when he started talking ‘like dee West Indian Block mon’ at a rally this past weekend. The disgraced politician, who still believes he has a chance at winning the New York City Mayoral race, attended the The West Indian American Day Parade in Brooklyn on Labor Day. Everything was going fine until Weiner hit the stage. Instead of speaking in his normal telephone sex voice, he decided to affect a shitty Caribbean accent. It’s the kind of “Irie, mon” speak that asshole American tourists might use on a Carnival cruise to Jamaica or at a Jimmy Buffet concert. The West indians in the crowd were not amused.
Politicians need to realize that the more they try to blend in the more they stand out. Everyone knows you are a douchey New York Jewish guy who likes to sext fugly bitches, Anthony. Dude, just quit. Seriously, it’s over. Irie?