BREAKING NEWS: Lindsay Lohan has bad parents

By brendon January 07, 2013 @ 3:02 PM


Just like Lindsay has done for the past 5 years, Dina Lohan said yesterday that everything Lindsay has ever done wrong is someone else’s fault, in this case Lindsay’s dad Michael, who, according to Dina, abused and even raped her during their 22-year marriage. Which is shocking because they seem like the perfect couple, such sweet and level-headed people. Just goes to show you cant judge a book by its cover.

The Daily News says…

“Lindsay saw her dad abuse me — that’s why she’s so screwed up. (He) beat the hell out of me,” Dina said.
According to Dina, Lindsay was affected by all that she saw as a child — and she’s not to blame for her faltering career or oddball antics.

As you read this next part, please keep in mind that Dina Lohan lies non-stop on a daily basis about literally everything.

Dina said her strong Catholic beliefs prevented her from getting a divorce.
Those beliefs helped her survive what she said was a rape by her husband on Feb. 14, 1990.
She said she was at her parents’ home with her kids on that day. Michael Lohan showed up in a limo.
“He was out of jail and on another coke-fueled night,” said Dina.
According to her, Michael tried to convince her to take him back.
She said Michael Lohan raped her as her children slept.
“[They] were sleeping, and I just knew I had to stay quiet — I don’t want to wake them,” she said.

Assuming all that is true, and there’s no chance in hell that it is, it’s terrible, but… come on. I want to punch Dina Lohan and I don’t even live with her. I want to anally rape her with a conch shell and I’ve never even met her. Michael Lohan must have the patience of a saint.

go f**k yourself Julianne Hough

By brendon January 03, 2013 @ 6:04 PM


Julianne Hough (‘Dancing With the Stars’, movies no one saw) has a shocking confession in the new issue of Cosmo, revealing that she was abused as a child, and like so many other heart-wrecnhing tales of abuse, it began when she left her rich Mormon home in Utah to study Latin Ballroom dancing in London.

“While I was in London, I was abused mentally, physically, everything.”

Wow, “everything”? Even politically and musically? That sounds like a lot of work.

“I was a tormented little kid who had to put on this sexy facade because that was my job and my life, but my heart was the same, and I was this innocent little girl. I wanted so much love.”
Hough said the abuse became worse “when I started hitting puberty, when I started becoming a woman and stopped being a little girl.”

I know a girl who was made to sleep outside in a dog crate, naked, when she was 10, but that’s nothing compared to the girl who liked dancing and then took dance lessons. A samba class? What is this, Guantanamo?

Chris Brown is already cheating on Rihanna because Chris Bown is a dickhead

By brendon January 03, 2013 @ 5:05 PM


It was surprising when Rihanna got back together with Chris Brown, and even more surprising when they were at a Lakers game on Christmas day as if he didn’t nearly beat her unconscious that one time (which he, in fact, did), but less surprising that he’s reportedly been cheating on her with a blonde, blue-eyed executive assistant named Sommer Gargan.

Of course it’s not as if Rihanna shouldn’t have seen this coming. If you’re a girl, and your boyfriend spends the night punching you in the face, that’s natures way of telling you he may not be of the highest character.

Jessica Alba in a bikini, before and after having a baby

By brendon January 03, 2013 @ 4:02 PM


That first picture of Jessica Alba bent over in a bikini in Miami is from 2007, you see it all the time, it’s one of the most famous pictures on the internet and has more sentimental value to me than my girlfriend.

The second one is from yesterday, in Mexico, 6 years and a baby later. And she looks pretty much exactly the same. About the only difference is where she puts her scrunchie. That’s fucking amazing. I was gonna post the story out today about how President Obama was kidnapped by terrorists 3 years ago and replaced by a double but this was way more interesting.

(image source = fame/flynet)

some guy from Twilight pee’d on the carpet at the airport

By brendon January 03, 2013 @ 3:11 PM

Bronson Pelletier played this guy in the Twilight movies, one of the many characters who turned into big mean dogs. But he wasn’t pissing on the carpet at LAX last week because he thought he was a dog, he was just incredibly drunk, despite denials to the contrary.

Luckily the security guards and cops here handled it well and were all men, because if a female security guard tackled a guy with his penis out, it would make her look kinda desperate.

Lindsay Lohan is an actual prostitute now

By brendon January 03, 2013 @ 2:25 PM


In hindsight, to be fair, just because a manager arranges to send a girl on dates with strange men doesn’t mean the girl is a prostitute. They’re sometimes called “escorts” or “sex workers”.

Now we know why Lindsay Lohan broke her promise to stay in for a quiet New Year’s Eve and instead went partying in London.
She collected at least $100,000 to celebrate with Brunei’s Haji Abdul Azim. Known worldwide as Prince Azim, he throws some of the wildest, most lavish bashes ever, topped off with gift bags stuffed with expensive party favors like iPads and jewelry dripping with diamonds.
Lohan, who claimed to be planning a dinner at home on Monday night, had the party on her schedule for a while, says an insider.

Of course that doesn’t mean she lied. Maybe she just had a cold. When your congested, “flying to London for a lavish party” can sound like “spending a quiet night at home.” It’s a very reasonable misunderstanding.

(source = daily news. image source = bauer griffin)

Sofia Vergara doesnt hold a grudge

By brendon January 02, 2013 @ 7:29 PM


Sofia Vergara and her boyfriend Nick Loeb seemed to be in a good mood as they walked around Miami yesterday, which is surprising because it was just a few hours after he (allegedly) got thrown out of a New Years Eve party for yelling at her and tearing her dress.

“Nick appeared to get really angry after Sofia took a picture with a stranger, and started screaming at her. Nick had to be pulled off Sofia by security. Her dress got torn in the melee. This happened right in front of everyone in the VIP section.”
“Four security guards grabbed Nick and threw him out of the back door of the club, with Sofia following behind.”

Oh terrific. So he was roughing her up in the middle of a crowded room, then they were both out back with no witnesses. Well thanks fellas this is much better. The girls of Miami must feel really safe with such conscientiousness security guards.

(image source = inf)

Gwyneth Paltrow is a good dancer

By brendon January 02, 2013 @ 5:56 PM

Gwyneth Paltrow spent New Years Eve on stage with Jay Z (and her husband Chris Martin) at his concert in Brooklyn, and she’s so separated from real life that this will probably become one of her tips. “Take a jet from your house in London (or Paris or Tokyo, wherever your house is) and go on stage with Jay Z.” Holy shit, that’s a great idea Gwyneth, thank you so much. The only reason I didn’t do it this year is because I didn’t think of it.