Candice Swanepoel In A Bikini

I really try to be a culturally sensitive individual. We're all the same animal underneath our crazy bullshit human constructs. Still, even as one enlightened motherfucker, it's hard to understand how such a big sliver of the world believes that hot girls prancing around... read more

All the Big Names in French Rape Were in Cannes

One liked to sodomize middle school girls, the other preferred to violate downtrodden hotel maids, but make no mistake about it, these two peas in a pod represent the very best in French rapers. Film director Roman Polanski and former IMF chief Dominique Strauus-Kahn... read more

Vanessa Hudgens Might Be A Furry Now

Part of Vanessa Hudgens' charm has always been that she's willing to throw on some super tight or skimpy clothes and look like she just won a baby oil wrestling tournament at a NASCAR tailgate, so it's always disappointing when she's fully dressed. In this case, she... read more

Mila Kunis Has A Few Good Years Left

At some point, every girl grows up to look like her mom. The occasional Rumer Willis gets genetically saddled with her dad's cut jawline, but for the most part, check out a girl's mom and that's what she's going to look like in 25-30 years. This is important when... read more

Angelina Jolie's Non-Boobs Get Painted

Angelina Jolie and her boobless boobs were big news a couple of weeks ago as the whole world collectively acted as if something truly terrible had happened like a war, a plague, or Salt 2 went into production. Some people were shocked, some were angry, and many were... read more

Crystal Hefner Is An American Hero

Charlie Sheen was scheduled to be the celebrity host of this past Saturday's Memorial Day Weekend Salute pool party at the Sapphire Pool and Day Club in Las Vegas, and of course he bailed on that. Maybe he was caught up in filming a scene for a movie or his show, or... read more

Lesbos Reign in France (VIDEO)

There's no more special love than that between two women scissor kissing into waves of sweaty ecstasy. I was thinking a boy and his dog, but, objectively the vagina rubbers are way more special. The arrogant emos on the Cannes Film Jury finally got it right, giving their... read more

Amanda Bynes Has Gone Rogue

Amanda Bynes continued her madcapromp through Crazyasfucksville when she decided to randomly diss Rihanna while simultaneously making excuses for domestic violence. I'm not a fan of Rihanna's music and I think she's a fucking idiot for getting back together with Chris... read more

Business As Usual For Victoria Silvstedt

Former Playboy Playmate of the Year Victoria Silvstedt took a well-deserved vacation from her strenuous life of taking other well-deserved vacations by hanging out on Sir Philip Green's yacht at the 2013 Monaco Grand Prix over the weekend. Victoria looked stunning as... read more

Amanda Bynes Is Innocent of Bong Throwing -- According to Amanda Bynes

Leave it to Amanda Bynes to find humor in even the most serious of situations. That crazy little scamp. Police arrested her for smoking weed and tossing her bong out of hi-rise window to hide the evidence, oh, and for being bat shit crazy. But Amanda knows what's really... read more

Mariah Carey Bursts at the Seams (VIDEO)

When I got too fat in college (yeah, I went, kinda) and burst a pair of my pants trying to drunk dance on top of a car, all I got was humiliated, ticketed, and a cold winter chill up my ass. I wish I had handlers like Mariah Carey. Concerned girls with headsets who come... read more

Paz Vega In a Low Cut Dress

Parties raising money to cure The AIDS really have the best looking women. They really do. Those women also dress super skimpy and show off tons of skin. You can really get some serious wood walking around The AIDS research galas. And when you're buddies give you shit... read more