Kanye likes only Kanye-approved lasers

By brendon June 05, 2012 @ 4:20 PM

During his ‘Watch the Throne’ tour with Jay Z in Paris last night, Kanye West, seen here in a field of lasers, stopped the show because someone was using a laser. Yeah I don’t know either. This seems stupid even for Kanye.

“You see this guy right here with the green laser,” Kanye asked. “Don’t fuck up everybody’s show. It’s not a fucking game.”
“You’re gonna get fucked up and kicked out, and all that shit. Chill the fuck out.”

Ok but in that guys defense, Kanye really was sending mixed signals when it came to his feelings about lasers.

Kristen Stewart is way too cool to care about anything

By brendon June 05, 2012 @ 2:42 PM

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Kristen Stewart is on the cover of the July issue of Vanity Fair, and go ahead and read the interview if you want. Or don’t, whatever man, she doesn’t even care.

“I have been criticized a lot for not looking perfect in every photograph.”

“But not for exaggerating, because I don’t ever do that.”

“I get some serious shit about it. I’m not embarrassed about it. I’m proud of it.”

“You and your professionalism can suck my dick.”

“If I took perfect pictures all the time, the people standing in the room with me, or on the carpet, would think, What an actress! What a faker!”

So she’s offended if people think she’s a good actress? This explains a lot.

“That thought embarrasses me so much that I look like shit in half my photos, and I don’t give a fuck. What matters to me is that the people in the room leave and say, ‘She was cool. She had a good time. She was honest.’ ”

“We wasted 6 hours and didn’t get a single usable picture but all that really matters is that Kristen had fun fucking everything up,” said No One Ever.

“I don’t care about the voracious, starving shit eaters who want to turn truth into shit.”

So I can call her ugly and she won’t care? Perfect. Because two of pictures of “Kristen” are actually images of my colon. Try to guess which ones.

Jean-Claude Van Dammes daughter is kinda hot

By brendon June 05, 2012 @ 1:06 PM

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Jean-Claude Van Damme has been bringing his 21-year-old daughter Bianca Bree along on his press tour to promote ‘the Expendables 2’, which is good for her because she’s an aspiring actress, and good for us because she dresses slutty.

Hopefully he’s already taught her everything he knows about Hollywood, which is that literally any problem can be solved with karate, doing a split on the furniture, and dropping her towel with her naked ass facing the camera.

(image source = inf, getty, wenn, fame/flynet)

Naturally, Lindsay Lohans boob fell out of her dress again

By brendon June 05, 2012 @ 9:00 AM

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While on the first day of filming on her Lifetime movie yesterday, Lindsay Lohans boobs repeatedly fell out of the top of her dress, and it’s amazing how this has never happened to the overwhelming majority of actresses in Hollywood, yet it happens to Lindsay constantly. She must think she’s still auditioning for the part, because later she put a condom on the director using just her mouth.

(image source = pacific coast)

Michelle Hunziker is back doing whatever it is she does

By brendon June 04, 2012 @ 6:20 PM

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Swiss actress and model Michelle Hunziker spent yet another day on Miami beach today, this time with her boyfriend Tomaso Trussardi. This guy. Thankfully, on every full moon, Michelle washes her vagina with a potion made from wolfsbane to keep his sinister urges at bay.

(image source = bauer griffin, fame/flynet)

Its blurry Scarlett Johansson in a bikini

By brendon June 04, 2012 @ 5:26 PM

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Scarlett Johansson and Busy Philipps spent a little time by the pool in bikinis while in Montecito this weekend for Drew Barrymores wedding, and even though the picture quality here isn’t great, by the time you make it to the pictures of Busy you won’t mind anymore, and if anything you’ll wish they were much much blurrier.

(image source = fame/flynet)

You won’t believe your eyes; Lindsay Lohan IS Elizabeth Taylor

By brendon June 04, 2012 @ 4:53 PM

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Filming began today for the Lifetime movie “Liz and Dick”, starring Lindsay Lohan as Elizabeth Taylor, and as you can see Lindsay has transformed herself from Lindsay Lohan to Lindsay Lohan in an old fashioned swimsuit. The end result is something slightly worse than if they’d made an animatronic Elizabeth Taylor.

(image source = splash)

Gwyneth Paltrow tweeted about Kanye and Jay Z in Paris

By brendon June 04, 2012 @ 4:15 PM

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Kanye West and Jay Z brought their ‘Watch the Throne’ tour to Paris over the weekend, a city fancy enough to attract their friend Gwyneth Paltrow, and since subtly isn’t really their thing, they performed ‘Niggas in Paris’ 11 times. And at some point, Paltrow made note of this.

Keeping in mind that Gwyneth Paltrow is an idiot, that probably took a while, like Homer hearing “Dental plan!” “Lisa needs braces.” in his head over and over. Except in this case it was Paltrow with a blank look on her face hearing the voices of a doorman and Jay Z.

“Bonjour, madame!”
“Got my niggas in Paris.”
“Bonjour, madame!”
“Got my niggas in Paris.”
“Bonjour, madame!”
“Got my niggas in Paris.”

Until eventually Paltrow gasped out loud and quickly fumbled for her phone to share her astounding tweet-worthy observation.

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