Lady Gaga has pissed off the Muslims

By brendon September 19, 2012 @ 1:49 PM

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Millions of people have said they’d like to kill Lady Gaga at some point, but they didn’t mean it literally, and it’s usually after hearing one of her songs or seeing Perez Hilton.

But now some people might mean it literally, because two days ago in London she wore a burka with a handbag that had “cunt” written on it, and the people in question are savage lunatics.

“That (handbag) comes across as a clear insult to Muslims and Islam,” said a Chicago-based representative of several Muslim groups, who asked not to be identified. I’m hearing that the uproar is leading to a big increase in Lady Gaga’s security detail.

Wait what? A Muslim is perceiving some innocuous act as a personal insult to their religion? I’ve never heard of such a thing!

I asked Gaga’s friend Lindsay Lohan what she thought about this and Lindsay Lohan stood defiant. “Screw those pedophiles,” Lindsay Lohan said. Lindsay Lohan then added: “They talk big but they’re too busy sucking cock to do anything about it. I, and by that I mean me, the actress Lindsay Lohan, didn’t see anything about purses in the Koran while I was pissing on it.”

(source = chicago sun times. image source = bauer griffin, inf)

Lindsay Lohan has been arrested yet again

By brendon September 19, 2012 @ 12:25 PM

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Lindsay Lohan has been arrested for another car accident, but it’s different from when she drove into the back of a car in July or into the back of a truck in June.

This is more like when she hit a pedestrian in March or the time she hit a baby stroller. This time she hit a pedestrian around 2am this morning in a parking lot outside her hotel in New York, and then just went inside like nothing happened.

Lohan was arrested early Wednesday morning after leaving the scene of an accident in which she hit a pedestrian with her Porsche Cayenne.
One of Lindsay’s friends got out of the car to check for damage and when they realized the car was cool, they took off.

“Oh thank God, the Porsche is okay. For a second I thought that guys skull was gonna dent it!”

Lindsay was taken to the station, fingerprinted, photographed and booked for leaving the scene of an accident — a misdemeanor — and then released.
This arrest could absolutely trigger a probation violation in Lindsay’s jewelry theft case because one of the conditions of probation is she OBEY ALL LAWS.

Oh yeah, Lindsay’s really gonna get it now. She may have to sit in court for almost 30 minutes while the judge asks her to please stop hitting people with her car before adding, “But everyone deserves a seven thousandth chance…”

(source = x17 and tmz. image source = pacific coast)

Shakira is replacing Christina Aguilera on ‘the Voice’

By brendon September 18, 2012 @ 7:52 PM

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Usher and Shakira will replace Christina Aguilera and Cee Lo Green for the fourth season of ‘the Voice’, though it’s said to be a temporary move so Aguilera can go on tour and Green can record a new album. But maybe it won’t be for one season. Maybe it will be permanent. Or maybe it won’t, look, why are you dragging me into this, I hate that stupid show.

(source = celebuzz)

Alex Frnka is in a bikini

By brendon September 18, 2012 @ 6:40 PM

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Alex Frnka (yes that is spelled right) of the MTV version of ‘the Inbetweeners’ stripped down to a bikini top to hang out with a friend in Griffith Park today, and of course some doofus came over to hit on her. I bet a good line would be to say how I’d like to get my dick Inbetweener. I bet she’s never heard that before so she’d really appreciate the creativity involved.

(image source = pacific coast)

‘Revolution’ got decent ratings

By brendon September 18, 2012 @ 5:03 PM

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With the exception of ‘Community’, it’s been a long time since NBC was anything less than completely terrible, so they had to be happy to see that the heavily promoted ‘Revolution’ premiered with solid ratings last night, drawing 11.7 million viewers, though that number dropped to 10.4 million after 30 minutes.

I didn’t even make it that long. I tapped out at around 13 minutes. That’s when this guy was running forward at full speed and either someone tied him to the fence as a prank and he ran out of rope or God picked up a tree like a baseball bat and smashed him in the face. All I know for sure is that he wasn’t shot with a tiny wooden arrow.

So no, fuck you ‘Revolution’. If you’re already doing stuff this stupid, fuck you. Fuck you to everyone who planned that, to all the producers and writers and executives and crew who knew that was gonna happen and thought, “yeah, this will be badass.” Because, no, it’s not badass, it’s fucking retarded. It makes no sense whatsoever, even if you don’t know that crossbows have half the power of vertical bows and that the force of a bullet is the same as the recoil (meaning the guy shooting the bow should have flown backwards about a mile). If you wan’t me to believe that all the power went out in the entire world for some mysterious reason, fine, I’m on board, but we’ve all see arrows in movies before, and we know what they can and can’t do, and I don’t have time for your idiotic bullshit.

Well, I mean I do, obviously, but you get the idea.

Jessica Simpson should talk to Alessanda Ambrosio

By brendon September 18, 2012 @ 1:53 PM

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Jessica Simpson gave birth four months ago on May 1st, and Alessandra Ambrosio gave birth on May 7th, and Jessica and Alessandra are both from Earth, and that’s where the similarities end. Because Jessica looks like she would break her leg if she tried to run, while Alessandra looks like I would break her leg if she tried to run away.

(image source = pacific coast)

Jennifer Aniston is just awful

By brendon September 18, 2012 @ 1:18 PM

Here’s what an awful, conceited bitch Jennifer Aniston is: she agrees to do a commercial for Smartwater that makes fun of all the rumors you hear about her, then fills the commercial with things no one has ever said about her. There’s no rumor that she wears a wig or has an alien baby that talks in bleeps and bloops, but that’s what we see her joking about.

There is a rumor that she has a doll made with Brad Pitts real hair and fingernails and a wall full of Angelina Jolie pictures with the eyes cut out. A rumor started by me, just now. A rumor that is 100 percent true. Why doesn’t the commercial show that?

Selena Gomez is easily relaxed

By brendon September 17, 2012 @ 8:02 PM

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If you’re the photographer who took these pictures of Selena Gomez in a bikini by a pool in Miami today, it’s ok that you didn’t zoom in when she spread her legs, but just so you know, if it happens again, I will find your kids and punch them right in the face. Hard. I don’t like kids anyway to be honest with you.

(image source = splash)