John Travolta Wants You To Know He’s a Pilot

By Lex July 01, 2013 @ 12:55 PM

John Travolta Gets In His Pilot Outfit And Jets Himself To The Czech Republic
John Travolta loves to fly planes. He owns more planes than you and a couple less than United Airlines. He is trained to fly his jets which I guess also authorizes him to dress like a pilot. Just like the last time you changed a tire you did so in your greasy Bronko’s garage jumpsuit. John Travolta just flew himself to the Czech republic and popped out of his plane in his spiffy captain’s suit. He really is just a grown up kid. All the better to relate to the boys who find themselves in his movie set trailers being told ribald tales of ancient Greece.

Photo Credit: PCN

Marysol Patton And Friend At The Beach

By Lex July 01, 2013 @ 12:49 PM

Marysol Patton With Blonde Friend In A Bikini At The Beach In Miami

Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin, FameFlynet, PCN

J-Lo Sings Happy Birthday To A Ruthless Dictator

By Jack July 01, 2013 @ 11:40 AM

Jennifer Lopez decided to take her mediocre singing talents and big ass to Turkmenistan to perform for ruthless dictator Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedow. The “singer” performed at the behest of the China National Petroleum Corp, (which right there should have tipped her off that this wasn’t a United Way program). Berdimuhamedow was in attendance and she sang him happy birthday. Aw. Too bad that he’s a ruthless fucking dictator and Turkmenistan has one of the worst human rights records on the planet. J-Lo’s people quickly backtracked and said, “Had there been knowledge of human rights issues any kind, Jennifer would not have attended.” Really? You know how you gain that knowledge? Do a fucking Google search. Here, this is what I found in 5 seconds on Turkmenistan’s Wikipedia page:

“Turkmenistan has been widely criticized for human rights abuses…Turkmenistan had the 2nd worst press freedom conditions in the world, behind North Korea…Any opposition to the government is considered treason and punishable by life imprisonment…Arbitrary arrests and mistreatment of detained persons are common in Turkmenistan, as is torture to obtain confessions.”

Didn’t know, my ass. Didn’t care is more like it. Celebs do this kind of shit all the time for cash and prizes. Beyonce, Nelly Furtado, 50 Cent, Mariah Carey and Usher all performed for the Gadhafi family and then claimed to not know they were terrorist sponsoring fuckwad. Or how about all the douchenozzles like Sean Penn that suck up to guys like Castro and late comedian Hugo Chavez? Seriously, do you think that the team of people who handle these jerk-offs wouldn’t check these things out beforehand if they were really worried about not performing for murderers? They just hoped that they wouldn’t get caught. Now I have another fucking reason to hate J-Lo besides Maid in Manhattan.

Lindsay Lohan Is Almost Totally Cured

By Travis July 01, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Lindsay Lohan has apparently been doing great in her latest rehab stint at the Betty Ford Clinic, because we’ve barely heard anything about her, so it must mean that the quacks are exorcising her demons. Fortunately, TMZ reached out to its super-secret source of all things Lindsay, which means her mom or dad, and found out that the cokehound may have finally been caged.

For starters, TMZ reports that Lindsay has kicked her Adderal addiction, which leaves poverty and terrorism as America’s final hurdles to Utopia. But Lindsay’s people also claim that she’s going to disappear for a while after her rehab is done in August, and stay far, far away from the paparazzi in the big cities. Maybe just to be safe, she should go live in Syria. It’s quite lovely this time of year.

(Photo Credit: Getty)

Joanna Krupa Brought Her Side Boob To Vegas

By Travis July 01, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

It’s still really strange to think of Joanna Krupa as the star of Real Housewives of Miami because, for starters, she’s only 34-years old. When I think of any of those Housewives shows, my first thought is middle-aged divorced, remarried and widowed women who have more plastic parts than a Korean automobile. I definitely don’t think of a Polish supermodel still in her prime. Then again, she married a random guy who owns a nightclub in Miami, so maybe this was just what she was destined to do.

Either way, Joanna was hanging out at the Rehab Bikini Invitational at the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas this weekend, and she was at least kind enough to leave her bags at home this time.

(Photo Credits: Judy Eddy/

Deion Sanders Gives Great Advice

By Lex July 01, 2013 @ 9:44 AM

Even off the field, athletes are pretty convinced that Jesus is on their side. Deion Sanders thinks that his journey of banging tons and tons of hot women until one finally sued him in divorce for millions was all part of the master plan. A test he passed. So Jesus helped make the prenup stick against his gold digging wife, Pilar. Just like Jesus helped Deion’s teams beat all those other teams that God loved less. Now Deion wants you to heed the lessons of his own life. Which seems to be, don’t have as good a time as he did. Of course, if you do, at the first sign of trouble, just give old Jesus a holler. It’s like calling Allstate. Truth.

Alec Baldwin Apologized To His Gay Friends

By Travis July 01, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

After last week’s latest Twitter meltdown by Alec Baldwin, in which he called Daily Mail reporter George Stark a “toxic little queen” and threatened to shove his foot up his ass, it was only a matter of time before people started comparing the actor to Paula Deen. Baldwin went after Stark for writing that his wife, Hilaria Baldwin, had been texting at James Gandolfini’s funeral, which they naturally denied, but Baldwin’s critics wanted to know how his behavior was any different than Deen calling a bank robber the N-word and hosting a plantation-themed wedding, complete with black servers dressed as slaves.

Regardless, Baldwin apologized, citing his own efforts to end homophobia, and GLAAD has accepted his apology. Still, I think the only solution here is that Baldwin never touches Twitter again and his wife should have to pose nude. You know, once she’s all back to normal. (Or not, there’s a market for that, too.)

(Photo Credit: Getty)

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley In Spandex

By Lex June 28, 2013 @ 6:31 PM

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley In Spandex Leaving The Gym

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a very proper Victorian era woman transported to 2013 to see what the ladies are wearing and be aghast. Then I’d explain to her how sexual liberation has been a big positive for women. She would compose herself and tell me how women had much more power when they were demure and unobtainable without long term commitments. All while I would try to get her drunk and work my hands under her sweaty layers of woolen shapeless clothing. That’s only if I had a time machine.

Photo Credit: Splash