Justin Bieber almost beat a man to death

By brendon May 29, 2012 @ 9:38 AM

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Justin Bieber has a reputation as a sweet and lovable kid, but real fans like me know he’s actually a tightly coiled merchant of death. In fact one time he punched a guy so hard the guy flew all the way to the moon.

Well this weekend, the unfortunate focus of Justin’s wrath was a paparazzi who got to close to him and Selena Gomez, and then paid for it with a punch to the face. Still I bet the guy must have been honored!

A photog is claiming he got into a physical altercation with (Bieber) after he attempted to snap photos of the Biebs while he was out and about in Calabasas, Calif. with girlfriend Selena Gomez Sunday afternoon
the man alleged he was “physically battered” by Bieber, and complained of pain and requested medical attention when police arrived on the scene.

“Shiiittt, mother fucka lucky they aint puttin him in’a ground right now,” Justin thought as he flexed his ropey little arms while handing a jar to Selena so she could open it for him.

(image source = fame/flynet)

Kristen Stewart actually looked hot today

By brendon May 25, 2012 @ 4:41 PM

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It took a few years of trying and several hundred failed attempts, but Kristen Stewart actually looked like a girl today at the ‘Cosmopolis’ premiere in Cannes. Or at the very least a boy I’d let go down on me.

(image source = getty, wenn)

Victoria Silvstedt is some kind of immortal

By brendon May 25, 2012 @ 4:26 PM

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It’s been 15 years since Victoria Silvstedt was named Playmate of the Year, but you wouldn’t know it by looking at her in a bikini in Cannes today. It’s like she hasn’t aged a day. Do we actually know anything about her before 1997, or did she just arrive here from Asgard one day?

(image source = splash)

Nicole Kidman forgot something

By brendon May 25, 2012 @ 2:02 PM

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Nicole Kidman went to a screening of her movie ‘Paperboy’ at Cannes last night wearing a dress that also acted as a thermometer. So be grateful it’s not Khloe Kardashian wearing it, because then we’d have to see her dick. Or dicks, whatever the case may be. She has to have at least one.

(image source = wenn, bauer-griffin)

Holly Henderson will make it all better

By brendon May 25, 2012 @ 12:53 PM

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A white British girl with good plastic surgery is close to the exact opposite of Janet Jackson, so here’s reality star Holly Henderson and some of her very effective attention whoring in a London park yesterday. Girls over there really seem to go for it when getting implants. And I very much appreciate that. Like any implant the doctor can bring in without a forklift is too small.

(image source = pacific coast, fame/flynet)

Janet Jackson might have had a little work done

By brendon May 25, 2012 @ 12:00 PM

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I don’t know who’s been doing plastic surgery on Janet Jackson, but it sure as hell isn’t any doctor. Her nose is a completely separate shade from the rest of her. One eye opens wider than the other. Her smile is, at best, sinister. This could have been a sexy outfit but the only thing she looks like she wants to do with my dick is rip it off and beat me with it.

(image source of janet at last nights amfar cinema against aids party in cannes = wenn, splash)

Britney walked off the X Factor set

By brendon May 25, 2012 @ 11:16 AM

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On the very first day as a judge on ‘the X Factor’ yesterday, Britney Spears walked off the set after a contestant sang a predictably awful version of her song ‘Hold It Against Me’, and the next four contestants performed in front of Simon Cowell, LA Reid, Demi Lovato, and Empty Chair.

As you might remember, this is the exact same thing that happened last season too, when Paula Abdul walked off set on day one. Although that actually worked out fine since the empty chair offered more lucid commentary.

(image source = twitter.com/fotikallergis)

Rose McGowans still got it

By brendon May 24, 2012 @ 7:45 PM

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Rose McGowan is in Monaco today for the ‘Nights In Monaco’ Gala Fundraiser, which hopefully has something to do with fixing whatever the hell happened to her, because it’s terrifying. She looks like she’s made out of wood.

(image source = fame/flynet, splash)