Charlie Sheen wants to retire, has a show premiering tonight

By brendon June 28, 2012 @ 3:07 PM

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Charlie Sheens new show ‘Anger Management’ must be amazing because it premieres tonight on FX right after ‘Louie’, which is the best show of any kind on television (except maybe ‘Sherlock’). FX paired these together, and the one with the funniest man on earth is the warm-up for the one with the rambling meth addict, so it must be edgy and hilarious.

As luck would have it, here are a few prominent reviews that I bet will do nothing but confirm that suspicion:

“Putting aside the fact that Sheen is a thug with a penchant for substance abuse and violence against women, ‘Anger Management’ is toxically mediocre.” – the Daily Beast

“It is distressingly average … It is not a train wreck; it’s just a train — chugging along from A to B. The jokes arrive, one by one, on schedule.” – the LA Times

“Patients in the group-therapy sessions are stock sitcom characters … ‘Anger Management’ is at heart a simple, old-fashioned sitcom, with raucous recorded laughter and predictable one-liners.” – the New York Times

“Yet despite the careful attention to image enhancement possibilities, the core ugliness and toxic narcissism of ‘Anger Management’ are impossible to ignore.” – the Huffington Post

Well that sounded promising. Another terrific sign is that the show hasn’t even started yet and Sheen is talking about never acting again in his life.

“Thirty years in, I mean come on. There’s this whole ton of stuff to do that involves my children and the rest of my life that’s not about like worshipping fiction,” Sheen told Fox.

Don’t “come on” me, jackass, I didn’t ask you to stay. I don’t think anyone did. By all means, go, go away and try new things. Suicide, for example.

is this the beginning of the end of Justin Bieber?

By brendon June 28, 2012 @ 2:36 PM

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Yes, hopefully. And the first proof may have come last week after Biebers two part concert special on NBC, when his ratings were 47 percent lower than the Adele concert NBC aired just 3 weeks earlier. And it’s not as if his fans were out on dates or at Popular Girl Practice or something.

Read more >

Snoop Dogg was busted for weed. In Norway. Somehow.

By brendon June 28, 2012 @ 1:48 PM

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According to the CIA, Norway is somewhere between 94 and 98 percent white, whereas Snoop Dogg is 500 percent black, so it maybe wasn’t the greatest idea in the world for him to carry weed through their airport.

All the randomly strewn about ellipses can only mean this comes from TMZ:

Snoop Dogg was detained at an airport in Norway this morning … after customs officers discovered … SNOOP WAS PACKIN’ WEED!!!
Snoop was stopped at customs at the Kjevic Airport in Kristiansand … where officials discovered 8 grams of weed.
(Anything) less than 15 grams is merely punishable by a fine (of) roughly $1,980.13.
We’re told Snoop was cooperative … and quickly took care of the fine.

If Snoop Dogg was a character created by white writers for a show like ‘Friends’, he’d be the most racist character in the history of television and NBC would be burned to the ground, so, yeah, he had to know he was going to stand out in Norway. He’s lucky he only got a fine, because he’s probably what Norwegian people think the Devil looks like.

better Kate Upton GQ pictures are here

By brendon June 28, 2012 @ 9:08 AM

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Finally, some clear, high-res versions of Kate Uptons fantastic shoot for the July issue of GQ are online. And Tyler Gold members might even notice that I spent the last 90 minutes removing the annoying tags and print from the first pictures, making it that much more believable (and erotic!) when someone inevitably photoshops out that popsicle and adds a cock.

(ok so it seems there is no Tyler Gold program, but if you felt like sending me money or, if you’re a hot girl, naked pictures, by all means go for it.)

UNSEXY UPDATE – GQ, and more to the point GQ’s lawyers, are under the impression that some of these pictures haven’t been released yet and aren’t online, and they came to that conclusion by seeing them online on this website. So those new pictures have been “removed by request”, but that still leaves us with cleaner copies of the pics from 10 days ago, so take that you greedy corporate fat-cats!

‘Survival’ by Muse is Londons official Olympic song

By brendon June 27, 2012 @ 6:17 PM

Just hours after becoming the first full song released from thier upcoming album (The 2nd Law, due September 17th), The Queen-sounding song ‘Survival’ by Muse has been named the official theme song for this summers London Olympics.

With it’s soaring themes and appropriate lyrics about winning, it’s sure to inspire the English athletes to even more bronze medals than usual.

oh. hey Britney. what’s up.

By brendon June 27, 2012 @ 6:05 PM

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Britney Spears looked pretty terrific today during ‘X Factor’ auditions in Providence at the Dunkin Donuts Center. Her rival Christina Aguilera started to say something mean but all the talk about donuts made her hungry and she just mumbled something about how she’s been “to the center of like a billion Dunkin Donuts,” which wasn’t as insulting as she’d hoped.

(image source = splash, getty)

Ke$ha has a new tat (it’s this one)

By brendon June 27, 2012 @ 5:15 PM

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Ke$ha went on her twitter today and posted a picture showing her surprisingly nice teeth but also the new tat she got on the inside of her lower lip.

So if you’re ever arguing with Ke$ha, and she grabs her lip and folds it over and says “read my rip assho,” and you are in fact close enough to lean in and do that, prepare to get burned.

Johnny Depp turns gay women straight

By brendon June 27, 2012 @ 3:05 PM

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Amber Heard has been cured of her homosexuality, and she didn’t even need to go to prayer camp. All she needed was for Johnny Depp to buy her a horse.

Reports surfaced recently that (Heard) received a horse from Depp, her ‘Rum Diary’ costar, as a present.
The actress, who dated female photographer Tasya van Ree for several years, has been quite open about her affinity for Depp. She told Guest of a Guest last year that working with him “is everything you’d hope working with Johnny Depp would be. He’s absolutely amazing, as far as his talent and him as a person.”

So does this mean they’re having sex? Yes, yes it does. Probably. She was gay, but Depp is so handsome she hurdled that minor obstacle and ripped his pants off the second they were alone. Just like your mom when I came over to your house that time and you weren’t there yet. Zing!