Mark Wahlberg has given his half-assed apology

By brendon January 19, 2012 @ 1:24 PM

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Mark Wahlberg, who as you can see is about the same height and build as Jessica Biel, told Mens Journal that he would have single-handedly stopped the terrorists on 9/11, unlike the docile sheep who sat there and did nothing. And then he would have single-handedly landed the plane, because how hard could that really be, all while giving comfort to the other passengers. Al-Qaeda would rue the day that they entered Mark Wahlbergs world (the first class cabin)!

“If I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldn’t have went down like it did. There would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin and then me saying, ‘OK, we’re going to land somewhere safely, don’t worry.’”

Needless to say this offended the families of some of the victims. So now he’s apologized, but not really.

“To speculate about such a situation is ridiculous to begin with. I deeply apologize to the families of the victims that my answer came off as insensitive, it was certainly not my intention.”

“Not that my answer wasn’t 100% true, but I should have worded it differently,” he probably added. PR crisis = solved!

Rihanna is reportedly in the new Armani ads

By brendon January 18, 2012 @ 4:54 PM

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Rihanna has a new series of ads for Armani, though you wouldn’t know it by looking at the ads. Why even hire someone as a model if you then photoshop them for as long as it takes until they look nothing like the person you hired? It’s as if Armani thought, “We want Rihanna in our ads, but let’s not get carried away.”

Diddy yells at Cameron Diaz, and she likes it

By brendon January 18, 2012 @ 3:44 PM

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The New York Daily News says that Sean Combs was yelling at Cameron Diaz (they’re reportedly dating these days) and ordering her around when they were at the Weinstein Company Golden Globes party Saturday night, but before you decide how you feel about that, keep in mind that Cameron Diaz went to that party looking like this. I’m actually surprised he didn’t punch her.

One partygoer was startled by Diddy’s “controlling” treatment of Diaz.
(After arriving separately) Diddy found Diaz sitting on a couch “talking to a guy.”
“Let’s go,” Diddy told her.
Diaz quickly got up and followed him out a back exit, away from the prying eyes of the paparazzi (but) ran into three male party guests who wanted their pictures taken with Diaz.
She happily obliged until an impatient Diddy grabbed her hand, said “Let’s go” again, and pulled her to a waiting car.
“I’ve never seen him so controlling,” says the source, who says Diaz “seemed to like the manly power thing.”

Cameron Diaz should have enough self respect to not date a guy who treats her this way, but Cameron Diaz sucks so I’m glad she doesn’t. In fact after reading this I hope they get married.

Dakota Fanning looks different

By brendon January 18, 2012 @ 2:20 PM

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Dakota Fanning was a very cute little kid, but she’s 18 these days, and now she’s… um… someone who was a very cute little kid. Not that she’s ugly or anything. Um. Actually let’s just forget this whole thing, unless there’s some way to say that she was better looking when she was 10 without the Fed’s shutting the website down.

(image source of dakota in beverly hills yesterday = inf)

Mark Wahlberg would have stopped 9/11

By brendon January 18, 2012 @ 12:48 PM

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Pretend movie tough-guy/real-life jackass Mark Wahlberg has an interview in the new issue of Men’s Fitness, and let’s just get right to it:

On being scheduled to be on one of the planes that crashed into the World Trade Center on 9/11:

“If I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldn’t have went down like it did. There would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin and then me saying, ‘OK, we’re going to land somewhere safely, don’t worry.’”

So, by extension, according to Mark Wahlberg, all the people who were on those planes but did not prevent them from crashing were pussies. Who didn’t love their kids as much as he does. And the people who fought back on Flight 93 over Pennsylvania were lumbering doofuses and crashed anyway.

Clearly that’s not how Mark Wahlberg, who starred in ‘the Italian Job’, would have done it. He would have defeated the terrorists with his movie punches, then landed the plane, on time, and killed the Arab-looking baggage guys just in case. That sure would have been exciting to see! If it’s not too much trouble maybe Wahlberg could dig up some of the lazy assholes who died that day and act it out for me.

George Lucas is retiring because he sucks

By brendon January 18, 2012 @ 11:46 AM

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George Lucas has had 37 producer credits over the past 20 years, and since pure greed beat up and drowned whatever artistic integrity he may have once had, 35 of them were about either Indiana Jones or Star Wars.

The rare exception is ‘Red Tails’, which opens Friday, and he tells the NY Times that “it will be his final blockbuster.” Which not only seems presumptuous, but is also not true.

“I’m retiring,” Lucas said. “I’m moving away from the business, from the company, from all this kind of stuff.”
Lucas has decided to devote the rest of his life to what cineastes in the 1970s used to call personal films. They’ll be small in scope, esoteric in subject and screened mostly in art houses.

No not really. Actually next he’ll do the exact opposite; produce and write the story for another ‘Indiana Jones’ sequel. But why not let someone else do that, perhaps someone who understands story structure, and who isn’t a complete shithead with horrible ideas. Is it just that Lucas can’t take a hint?

Yes. Yes, that’s exactly what is is.

Lucas seized control of his movies from the studios only to discover that the fanboys could still give him script notes. “Why would I make any more,” Lucas says of the “Star Wars” movies, “when everybody yells at you all the time and says what a terrible person you are?”

At first I thought that was sad, but then I remembered that Lucas had a scene where Jar Jar Binks stepped in shit, and then hopped around saying, “uuba uuba juuba” for two minutes. Now I think it’s sad that those people weren’t throwing broken bottles at him instead of simply yelling.

Kelly Brook is very wise

By brendon January 17, 2012 @ 9:00 PM

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One advantage Kelly Brooks lingerie has over other brands of lingerie is that it’s modeled by Kelly Brook. That sly boots. I also like that she’s wearing high heels, because it makes me think that if she tried to run away I could catch her.

(image source = splash)

Katy Perry is a Sims character now

By brendon January 17, 2012 @ 6:17 PM

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Imagine if you could isolate everything bad about life with Katy Perry (incessant demands, god-awful music, dancing) and then combine that with never ever fucking her, or even staring at her tits. That would suck right?

Yeah that’s what I thought too. But she’s a new character in ‘The Sims 3: Showtime’ anyway.

I will predict however that at least Russell Brand will buy a copy, and then that “Katy Perry” will have a little “accident.”