Lola Ponce Will Bind The International Community. With Her Bikini.

By author March 12, 2012 @ 1:00 PM

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I noticed that Lola Ponce has never been featured on the site, most likely just because she’s an Argentine singer with no discernable American credits. In an effort to correct this egregious omission and in the spirit of international diplomacy, let’s all gawk at her in a bikini. Can you tell I was asked to leave my middle school’s Model U.N. Club?

(Image Source = Splash News)

Rihanna’s Demure Night Out

By author March 12, 2012 @ 11:33 AM

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As a gesture of good faith since I decided not to incriminate myself by passing around stolen homemade porn, I’d like to offer up these pics of Rihanna drunkenly walking around NYC in a mesh top. And before you say she doesn’t even seem that drunk or that’s not really a nipple, just an optical illusion from that shirt, let me offer my rebuttal. Rihanna. Breasts. Go.

Heather Morris and January Jones Got Hacked

By author March 12, 2012 @ 10:30 AM

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The newest internet meme is apparently hacked cell phone pics whether real (Heather Morris, above) or fake (January Jones). Unfortunately I won’t be posting either of them because I’m new around here and I’m not sure what the protocol is, however, the lawyer aiming a handgun at my crotch seems to have a firm grasp on the situation. You’re all familiar with Google, right? Great, let’s move on.

P.S. The gallery below is the only set of passably attractive photos of Heather Morris I could find with the absolute minimal effort required to substitute for this gig.
P.P.S. Don’t look at the face.

(Image source = Getty)

Eva Longoria is single

By brendon March 08, 2012 @ 6:52 PM

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Eva Longoria and Eduardo Cruz (Penelopes brother) have broken up after dating for a little over a year. He’s already run home to Madrid, though things are said to be cordial between them and no reason was given for the break-up. Probably because he’s a boring dolt who needs his famous sister to meet girls. I on the other hand am a adventurous hunk who lives for danger, as you can tell by my shark tooth necklace and ivory handled pistols.

(source = us weekly and splash)

James Cameron is diving to the deepest point on earth

By brendon March 08, 2012 @ 5:49 PM

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James Cameron is mostly famous of course for writing and directing terrific looking movies with awful dialogue, but he’s also a brilliant engineer and accomplished inventor who has spent over 3000 hours in deep water dive sites, and now he’ll attempt to become just the third person to ever dive to the bottom of the Mariana Trench, the lowest point in the Pacific Ocean and the deepest point on earth.

As a training simulator to prepare himself for life inside the cold, bleak, and potentially deadly gash, he’ll fuck Madonna.

(source = the la times)

this is allegedly Jennifer Love Hewitt

By brendon March 08, 2012 @ 4:17 PM

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Jennifer Love Hewitt is in the new issue of Maxim, and there’s nothing at all suspicious about the pictures and how thin she looks, assuming that you just arrived here from 1998 and this is the first time you’ve seen Jennifer Love Hewitt since then.

Johnny Depp feels Tonto would wear a crow for a hat

By brendon March 08, 2012 @ 3:12 PM

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Mega-Producer Jerry Bruckheimer has a twitter apparently, and this morning he posted the first look at Armie Hammer as Dan Reid and Johnny Depp as Tonto in ‘the Lone Ranger’, though if they wanted to call this a bio-pic about WCW superstar Sting or a very literal remake of ‘The Crow’, that would probably work too.

Whitney left everything/nothing to her daughter

By brendon March 07, 2012 @ 7:19 PM

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Hopefully Bobby Brown wasn’t expecting any kind of a windfall when Whitney Houston died, because her will was filed today in Atlanta, and Inside Edition says she left literally everything to their 19-year-old daughter.

Bobbi Kristina gets everything: all of Houston’s money, furniture, clothing, personal effects, jewelry, and cars.  ?The money will be placed in a trust until Bobbi Kristina turns 21. She gets more money when she turns 25 and the rest when she is 30.?

But don’t be too jealous, because Whitney, who sold over 200 million records during her career, wasn’t just broke, but $20 million in debt, according to The Daily:

Houston was out of cash in 2001 when she signed what was said to be a $100 million deal with Sony for six albums. While the agreement could have been worth $100 million if things had gone right, Houston only collected about $40 million. “It’s really an advance against sales. They loaned her the money, and her records didn’t sell.”
Based on the meager sales figures, “She owes Sony at least $20 million. She’s going to have to sell 5 million more records before her family sees a dime.”

And that seems unlikely, since ghosts don’t really sing. They pretty much just say “Boo!” Maybe she could do one of those Spooky Halloween Sounds cd’s that you get at Hallmark.