Salma Hayek wore this to the ‘Prometheus’ premiere

By brendon June 01, 2012 @ 3:20 PM

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Salma Hayek was one of the big stars at the ‘Prometheus’ world premiere in London last night, and I’m not gonna lie; there’s a lot of sexual tension between me and these pictures. Especially since I’ve been thinking lately that I should spend more time staring at her tits, this can’t be a coincidence.

(image source = bauer griffin, getty, splash)

the Green Lantern is gay now

By brendon June 01, 2012 @ 1:03 PM

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DC Comics announced today that Alan Scott, the true identity of the original Green Lantern when the comic began in 1940, will be revealed as gay in next weeks issue of ‘Earth 2’ (two pages from that here and here).

Which shouldn’t effect the Ryan Reynolds movie since he plays Hal Jordan, except that now I see a double entendre in everything about the Green Lantern. He’s flaming. He has a little pledge and affirmation. He uses his “power ring” and “power lantern”, and he practically has to fist the thing to get it “turned on”. Fuck, the third Green Lantern was even named Guy Gardner, like he was trying to harvest men. If that dude isn’t officially gay it’s just because no one’s asked him about it yet.

Madonna is still a hypocritical bitch

By brendon June 01, 2012 @ 11:29 AM








Madonna kicked off her MDNA tour in Tel Aviv last night, and even though she’s now 53 years old, she’s still at the top of her game. And by that I mean she’s a simple-minded cunt with no equal, and she stopped the show to lecture the crowd about respecting other religions and peace in the Middle East.

Which might not have been so bad except that Madonna still does all of her typical shit, so the night is filled with wild swings of hypocrisy that she doesn’t even think twice about.

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‘the Bourne Legacy’ takes place during ‘the Bourne Ultimatum’

By brendon June 01, 2012 @ 6:29 AM

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‘The Bourne Legacy’ trailer came out yesterday, and I was so busy being a sarcastic dick that I forgot to mention that it reportedly takes place at the same time as ‘the Bourne Ultimatum’. Which is actually really cool. So we’ll see what else was going on while Matt Damon look befuddled and/or punched people.

This is why the trailer showed the scene from ‘Ultimatum’ with the reporter in the train station, and why Bourne is in New York and all that. Presumably Jeremy Renner is supposed to do something about it. He should try calling Bourne on the phone and saying he can see him. That always seem to freak everyone out in the other movies.

the cast of ‘the Catalina’ is topless

By brendon May 31, 2012 @ 5:29 PM

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Ever heard of ‘the Catalina’? Yeah me neither. It appears to be a ‘Jersey Shore’-type reality show on the CW about a Miami hotel and, as seen here, the drunken whores who work there. And granted they’re not super hot, and you can’t actually see their tits, but what, like you’re some 10? YOU’VE BANGED WORSE AND WE BOTH KNOW IT!

(image source of morgan more, victoria serra, and karina d’erizans = splash)

‘The Bourne Legacy’ finally has a full trailer

By brendon May 31, 2012 @ 3:35 PM

For years I’ve been sitting here, like a fool, assuming there was always just one, but as ‘The Bourne Legacy’ repeatedly points out, it’s actually quite the contrary. And unrelated to the fact that the old one doesn’t want to be in these movies anymore, here are the adventures of another one who, it turns out, has been even more exciting the entire time and we didn’t even know it.

And don’t worry; even though the old one is referenced 6 times, perhaps giving the impression he’s in this movie, he’s not and good riddance.

But don’t take my word for it, just listen to the lady who saw the evaluations. She’s seen dozens, no, hundreds of evaluations, and she almost came in her pants when she saw these. “The old one punched like some limp wristed little faggot compared to this one,” she practically said.

Madonnas MDNA tour brought back cone bra, manly arms

By brendon May 31, 2012 @ 1:37 PM

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Madonnas much talked about and much delayed ‘MDNA’ tour kicked off tonight in Tel Aviv, and apparently the big news is that when she sings ‘Vogue’, she wears a new version of the cone bra she wore during her 1990 ‘Blonde Ambition’ tour.

What a thrill it will be for her fans to be reminded of the old cone bra when they see the new cone bra. I hope no one literally dies from the excitement.

(image source = wenn, getty)

Justin Bieber ran into a wall, knocked himself out

By brendon May 31, 2012 @ 1:27 PM

justin_bieber_walks_into_a_glass_wall

Justin Bieber was knocked unconscious during a concert in Paris tonight when he ran backstage between songs and smashed his head against a wall of glass.

Yet. Again.

This is at least the third time he’s done this (video of 1 and 2 here).

He was only out for about 15 seconds and finished the show without incident, and later said, “I guess me and glass windows just don’t work.” Which is worth remembering because that’s what windows are made of. So if you ever see Justin Bieber in one of those skyscrapers with outer walls made of glass, start chasing him as fast as you can.

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