James Woods Shows Off His New 20 Year Old Girlfriend

By Lex June 28, 2013 @ 12:56 PM

James Woods And His 20 Year Old Girlfriend Kristen Bauguess Attending The Premiere For White House Down In NYC
James Woods dumped his last girlfriend when she turned 27, to replace her with this 20 year old recently drug busted gal from Georgia, Kristen Baugness. Many people will say it’s gross that James Woods is banging girls young enough to be his granddaughter, I’m saving that slur for when he actually starts banging his granddaughter. This is James Woods. He’s not listening to you.

Photo Credit: Getty, WENN

Happy Endings Now Legal In China

By Jack June 28, 2013 @ 12:01 PM

The Chinese government has decided that happy endings at massage parlors aren’t prostitution and are therefor legal. I was surprised it was against the law as the happy ending is one of China’s most beloved cultural exports. The court said that jerking someone off is not sex, it’s just another muscle that needs a healthy rubdown. They also said “breast massages” were OK. That’s not a woman having her boobs fondled but rather a chick using her boobs to give the man “release”. This is pretty progressive for the fucked-up draconian Chinese communist system that pretty much outlawed fun in 1945. Obviously, like a lot of things, this is just another concession to the almighty altar of capitalism.

The Chinese government wants to keep being commies but drive brand new BMWs, so they’ve made a few compromises. China decided about 20 years ago that they were going to open up more to foreign trade and tourism. The Great Wall and the country’s rich  history may be enough for some travelers, but sex tourism is a major draw. They have only to look at all the sticky Western dollars their neighbors like Thailand and Vietnam are raking in. Still, I’m not sure guys like Gary Glitter are paying $5000 for trips to Asia to get a handjob from grown women. If the Chinese government wants to really make tourism boom they should consider allowing the Lucky Chicken Surprise #37 back on the menu at their local massage parlor establishments.

Hilary Duff In Short Shorts Out In Hollywood

By Lex June 28, 2013 @ 11:58 AM

Hilary Duff In Short Shorts And Low Cut Top Leaving Aventine In Hollywood

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, Bauer-Griffin, WENN

Audrina Partridge And Terrell Owens Were At The Miss Hooters Pageant

By Travis June 28, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Proud fathers from around the world gathered in Las Vegas last night for the 2013 Miss Hooters International Pageant, at which one lucky girl was crowned the most Hooterific Hooters of all the Hooters in this Hooter-loving world. In the end, Kentucky’s Marissa Raisor was named Miss Hooters International, and little girls everywhere tore down their posters of Hillary Clinton to honor their new icon of female empowerment.

Audrina Partridge and Terrell Owens were also there, probably as judges, and I’m sure they talked about a lot of interesting things, including how dry the ink was on their checks and the quality of the free food backstage. “The best food is free food,” I’m sure they said with laughter.

(Photo Credits: Judy Eddy/WENN.com)

Miley Cyrus Embarrassed by Her ‘Old’ Hits

By Lex June 28, 2013 @ 10:34 AM

Like most transcendent musical talents, Miley Cyrus sees her craft as an evolving art form. That shit she made a few years ago is nothing like the shit she’s making now. It’s downright embarrassing really.

“Right now, when people go to iTunes and listen to my old music, it’s so irritating to me because I can’t just erase that stuff and start over,”

Wonderful, modern day Brian Wilson. Are you sending back the $40 million in licensed Hannah Montana lunch box money? Where do I go to get back all the hours I spent listening to The Climb on repeat and crying? This news is going to crush the remaining soul pieces of millions of heartfelt teenaged girls just now getting their boobs.

“I’m going on a journey, and that’s more than a lot of 20-year-old’s can say.”

Unlike all you automatons with your mindless roles in the matrix. Things like jobs. And school. Were you on The Today Show this week? Smoking weed with Snoop? No, you were not. You’re not on a journey like Miley. You will never know the rapture of creation.

Alec Baldwin Is Pretty Pissed At The Daily Mail

By Travis June 28, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Alec Baldwin already quit Twitter once before because he was pissed off about something, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that he quit Twitter again in another hilariously pissy rage. Except this time, it was his “Alec Baldwin Foundation” profile that was deleted, because nothing says, “Hey, we’re good people doing good things” like threatening to shove your foot up a Daily Mail reporter’s ass and calling him a “toxic little queen”.

The latest freakout occurred after the Daily Mail accused Alec’s pregnant 32-year old wife, Hilaria Baldwin, of Tweeting during James Gandolfini’s funeral yesterday. Alec denied it, obviously, and he’s probably telling the truth because celebrities pay people to run their Twitter accounts now – except for Alec, of course – but that’s no fun when it’s easier to simply blindly pass judgment on people.

(Photo Credit: Getty Images)

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Kate Upton In Vogue Brasil

By Lex June 28, 2013 @ 9:37 AM

Kate Upton In July Issue Of Vogue Brasil

Photo Credit: Vogue Brasil

Justin Bieber’s Fans Are Idiots (VIDEO)

By Travis June 28, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

Jimmy Kimmel sent a fake reporter out in Los Angeles the other night before Justin Bieber’s show at the Staples Center to ask his fans some made-up questions for his “Lie Witness News” segment on Jimmy Kimmel Live. Among the things that he asked were whether or not they think it’s okay that he has baby seal tires on his Bentley and if he should be forgiven for punching his own grandmother, neither of which are true. That we know of.

Naturally, his young female fans were totally cool with everything they were asked, because the karate-kicking swag ‘bag can do no wrong in their soulless little eyes. It’s just a shame that Jimmy didn’t follow it up with a segment about sterilization.