Alex Frnka (yes that is spelled right) of the MTV version of ‘the Inbetweeners’ stripped down to a bikini top to hang out with a friend in Griffith Park today, and of course some doofus came over to hit on her. I bet a good line would be to say how I’d like to get my dick Inbetweener. I bet she’s never heard that before so she’d really appreciate the creativity involved.
With the exception of ‘Community’, it’s been a long time since NBC was anything less than completely terrible, so they had to be happy to see that the heavily promoted ‘Revolution’ premiered with solid ratings last night, drawing 11.7 million viewers, though that number dropped to 10.4 million after 30 minutes.
I didn’t even make it that long. I tapped out at around 13 minutes. That’s when this guy was running forward at full speed and either someone tied him to the fence as a prank and he ran out of rope or God picked up a tree like a baseball bat and smashed him in the face. All I know for sure is that he wasn’t shot with a tiny wooden arrow.
So no, fuck you ‘Revolution’. If you’re already doing stuff this stupid, fuck you. Fuck you to everyone who planned that, to all the producers and writers and executives and crew who knew that was gonna happen and thought, “yeah, this will be badass.” Because, no, it’s not badass, it’s fucking retarded. It makes no sense whatsoever, even if you don’t know that crossbows have half the power of vertical bows and that the force of a bullet is the same as the recoil (meaning the guy shooting the bow should have flown backwards about a mile). If you wan’t me to believe that all the power went out in the entire world for some mysterious reason, fine, I’m on board, but we’ve all see arrows in movies before, and we know what they can and can’t do, and I don’t have time for your idiotic bullshit.
Well, I mean I do, obviously, but you get the idea.
Jessica Simpson gave birth four months ago on May 1st, and Alessandra Ambrosio gave birth on May 7th, and Jessica and Alessandra are both from Earth, and that’s where the similarities end. Because Jessica looks like she would break her leg if she tried to run, while Alessandra looks like I would break her leg if she tried to run away.
Here’s what an awful, conceited bitch Jennifer Aniston is: she agrees to do a commercial for Smartwater that makes fun of all the rumors you hear about her, then fills the commercial with things no one has ever said about her. There’s no rumor that she wears a wig or has an alien baby that talks in bleeps and bloops, but that’s what we see her joking about.
There is a rumor that she has a doll made with Brad Pitts real hair and fingernails and a wall full of Angelina Jolie pictures with the eyes cut out. A rumor started by me, just now. A rumor that is 100 percent true. Why doesn’t the commercial show that?
If you’re the photographer who took these pictures of Selena Gomez in a bikini by a pool in Miami today, it’s ok that you didn’t zoom in when she spread her legs, but just so you know, if it happens again, I will find your kids and punch them right in the face. Hard. I don’t like kids anyway to be honest with you.
Christina Aguilera, who weighs 1800 pounds now, clomped down the red carpet at whatever the hell the NCLR ALMA Awards are this weekend and tried to give the Target dog a kiss, but he turned away because that would his “no fat chicks” policy. But he did seem interested in her purse. Gosh, I wonder why? No that’s not true. I don’t wonder why. We both know you’re hiding food in your purse Cristina Aguilera.
Jim Carey was on the beach in Malibu this weekend with his mysterious new girlfriend, and he just stood there grinning like an idiot while people took pictures of her perfect white girl ass. And I would too. It’s amazing. In fact I just realized my beard has grown like 4 inches and all the leaves have fallen off the trees. Wow, how long have I been staring at this girls ass?