Sylvie Van Der Vaart Went To The Beach Again

By Travis October 10, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Dutch model Sylvie van der Vaart announced earlier this year that she and her soccer star husband Rafael van der Vaart had separated, so she has naturally spent most of the year being photographed at the beach while wearing very well-thought-out bathing suits. Her latest adventure came this week at Miami Beach, which is the perfect place for a 35-year old mom to show off her killer body in hopes of attracting either a new wealthy boyfriend or 6,000 gay men to go shopping with. Either way, best of luck in all of your endeavors, Sylvie’s breasts.

(Photo Credits: KEYPIXX/

Avril Lavigne Might Be Pregnant With A Nickelbaby

By Travis October 10, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Nickelback’s Chad Kroeger and his wife Avril Lavigne attended something called the Huading Awards in China on Monday, and I’m guessing the event honors outstanding achievement in making people physically ill any time they hear a specific music artist’s songs. But the big news for rock’s latest couple of the apocalypse is that Avril might be pregnant, because, according to the Daily Mail, the dress she wore to the awards is the type that most newly-pregnant women prefer. This rumor can’t be true, though, because it wasn’t followed by reports of everyone else on the planet trying to push Avril down a flight of stairs.

(Photo Credit: Getty)

Jimmy Kimmel And Kanye West Are Friends Again (VIDEO)

By Travis October 10, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

After their little Twitter feud last week, Jimmy Kimmel welcomed Kanye West on his show last night so they could clear the air about the rapper’s grievances with the talk show host’s decision to parody his recent interview with BBC One. For the most part, the interview went pretty well, but it basically came down to Kimmel apologizing for a harmless joke and then Kanye busting out several rants about the lack of privacy for celebrities, all in the name of them proving that this wasn’t a publicity stunt. All I know is that if this happened 20 years ago, Tupac would have shot Kimmel’s stammering ass. Get your shit together, Kanye.

Kylie And Kendall Jenner Drive Balls With Dad

By Lex October 09, 2013 @ 4:16 PM

Kylie And Kendall Jenner Go To The Driving Range With Bruce In Los Angeles
Just a couple hours into separation from Kris Jenner and Bruce Jenner already looks like somebody who had the weight of the world lifted off his shoulder. If that weight was a lying cheating puppet master with a vagina that smells like the sulfur pits in Hades. It’ll probably take Bruce a few more hours to realize he’s still the dad of two teenage high school dropouts who think that wearing bikinis for older men is a career choice. But, for today, it’s just Bruce, trying to feel like a man again.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Hey, Down Here. Check Out Kelly Osbourne’s Boobs

By Lex October 09, 2013 @ 3:59 PM

Kelly Osbourne Brings Her Massive Cleavage To The Black Diamond Affair In West Hollywood
Not much has worked for Kelly Osbourne looks wise. But if there’s one solid fall back, it’s show your tits off like you really mean it. A scraggly looking dude with a giant shlong can’t really just let his mega junk hang out at an evening affair to keep people from noticing his face. A woman has a distinct advantage in this regard. Every single man left that event thinking, damn, Kelly Osbourne has some big yabbos. Not the fact that she looks like a Pez dispenser.

Photo Credit: Splash, WENN

Malin Akerman Was A Dirty Active Teenage Traveler

By Jack October 09, 2013 @ 3:34 PM

Malin Akerman described her slutty teenage years to pasted-together talk show host Chelsea Handler. In the soon to be cancelled show, The Trophy Wife, Akerman plays…well…the trophy wife of an older dude. So, Handler asked her if she’d ever slept with an older guy. She then told the sordid tale of having an affair with an aromatic 28-year-old Frenchie when she was just 16. When Handler pointed out that fucking a girl who is just old enough to drive is illegal she said,

“This was in France. … His name was Fabio, so that’s awesome. I vacationed a lot in European countries where there are no rules — drink at any age, have sex at any age, obviously.

I’m pretty sure there are age of consent laws in most countries, even in socially enlightened France. Then Handler said that she heard that Akerman didn’t shower for a month after getting fucked three ways from Sunday by this greasy Frog. Akerman added,

“Who has time? We do a European shower. You wash the parts that need to be washed because you kind of have to.”

I guess that works in France, where the concept of a daily shower seems as foreign as being polite to strangers. As for me, I almost don’t care how hot you are, I’m expecting basic hygiene. Malin Akerman is close. Still, when you come off looking less clean than Chelsea Handler, that’s a feminine issue that needs some addressing.

President’s Cup Streaker Says Golf Is Boring

By Lex October 09, 2013 @ 3:26 PM

Woman Streaks Through The 18th Hole During The Presidents Cup In Dublin, Ohio
How can you argue with Kimberly Webster who ran topless around The President’s Cup over the weekend because she says golf is really fucking boring. She’s right. It is boring. And she’s also right, topless women make everything better. She would’ve been a total winner if she hadn’t felt compelled to shout out to sister power:

“The top streakers of all time were all men, so I decided I wanted to change that”

Obligatory feminist challenge to the male power structure aside, Kimberly easily surpasses those Ukranian streakers who are filled with inexplicable rage against the whole world for everything. If she can get some of her bustier friends to join her next time, I’ll start watching more golf.

Photo Credit: Getty

Judge Orders Kanye and Paparazzo To Quit It With Their Girl Fight

By Jack October 09, 2013 @ 2:16 PM

An LA Judge has ordered megalomaniacal rapper Kanye West to not come within ten feet of paparazzo Daniel Ramos. You’ll recall that Kanye got into a kerfuffle with Ramos in July after he dared to look Kanye in the eye or said hello to him or something inciting like that. Kanye flipped out and put Ramos in a headlock. The judge said that Ramos and Kanye have to stay away from each other and that Kanye doesn’t have to pay any fines or attend anger management classes because Ramos is such a sniveling dick that the law doesn’t really apply to him. You got to love that tons of dough were spent in court costs to basically send these two pricks to separate corners.

Ramos still has a civil case against West for violating his first amendment rights which means that Kanye will have to pay him some envelope full of cash to shut the fuck up and go away. It’s the celebrity ecosystem. Never fair, but simple in its design.