Kristen Stewart actually looked hot today

By brendon May 25, 2012 @ 4:41 PM

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It took a few years of trying and several hundred failed attempts, but Kristen Stewart actually looked like a girl today at the ‘Cosmopolis’ premiere in Cannes. Or at the very least a boy I’d let go down on me.

(image source = getty, wenn)

Victoria Silvstedt is some kind of immortal

By brendon May 25, 2012 @ 4:26 PM

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It’s been 15 years since Victoria Silvstedt was named Playmate of the Year, but you wouldn’t know it by looking at her in a bikini in Cannes today. It’s like she hasn’t aged a day. Do we actually know anything about her before 1997, or did she just arrive here from Asgard one day?

(image source = splash)

Nicole Kidman forgot something

By brendon May 25, 2012 @ 2:02 PM

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Nicole Kidman went to a screening of her movie ‘Paperboy’ at Cannes last night wearing a dress that also acted as a thermometer. So be grateful it’s not Khloe Kardashian wearing it, because then we’d have to see her dick. Or dicks, whatever the case may be. She has to have at least one.

(image source = wenn, bauer-griffin)

Holly Henderson will make it all better

By brendon May 25, 2012 @ 12:53 PM

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A white British girl with good plastic surgery is close to the exact opposite of Janet Jackson, so here’s reality star Holly Henderson and some of her very effective attention whoring in a London park yesterday. Girls over there really seem to go for it when getting implants. And I very much appreciate that. Like any implant the doctor can bring in without a forklift is too small.

(image source = pacific coast, fame/flynet)

Janet Jackson might have had a little work done

By brendon May 25, 2012 @ 12:00 PM

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I don’t know who’s been doing plastic surgery on Janet Jackson, but it sure as hell isn’t any doctor. Her nose is a completely separate shade from the rest of her. One eye opens wider than the other. Her smile is, at best, sinister. This could have been a sexy outfit but the only thing she looks like she wants to do with my dick is rip it off and beat me with it.

(image source of janet at last nights amfar cinema against aids party in cannes = wenn, splash)

Britney walked off the X Factor set

By brendon May 25, 2012 @ 11:16 AM

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On the very first day as a judge on ‘the X Factor’ yesterday, Britney Spears walked off the set after a contestant sang a predictably awful version of her song ‘Hold It Against Me’, and the next four contestants performed in front of Simon Cowell, LA Reid, Demi Lovato, and Empty Chair.

As you might remember, this is the exact same thing that happened last season too, when Paula Abdul walked off set on day one. Although that actually worked out fine since the empty chair offered more lucid commentary.

(image source = twitter.com/fotikallergis)

Rose McGowans still got it

By brendon May 24, 2012 @ 7:45 PM

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Rose McGowan is in Monaco today for the ‘Nights In Monaco’ Gala Fundraiser, which hopefully has something to do with fixing whatever the hell happened to her, because it’s terrifying. She looks like she’s made out of wood.

(image source = fame/flynet, splash)

Paris Hilton has taken Cannes by storm

By brendon May 24, 2012 @ 7:18 PM

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So, Paris Hilton went to Cannes, and she spun and twirled and posed on the sidewalk while some twink yelled her name so everyone would look at them as he pretended to be a photographer, even though it looks like he’s never actually seen a camera before and has no idea what it does, so he just kind of pushed it back and forth toward her on the off chance that maybe that would do something.

This is what you get when you have a plan hatched by fucking morons.