I think Im in love

Nicole Richie was in Miami yesterday, in a bikini at her hotels pool, and the bad news is her entire body. It's every bit as unpleasant and androgynous as you remember it being. The good news is her face. Because she looks like a cartoon chicken, and cartoons are funny, so that's maybe the nicest thing I've ever said about her. (image source = splash news) [gallery ids="781292,781302,781312,781321,781331,781341"]

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January Jones is pregnant, apparently human

January Jones announced last night that she was pregnant, which will mean big changes for her and the father, assuming she knows who that is. "January Jones is happy to announce that she is expecting her first child this fall," her rep tells PEOPLE exclusively. While Jones is keeping quiet for now on any other details, a source close to her says, "She's really looking forward to this new chapter in her life as a...

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Mark Wahlberg and Justin Bieber are in a basketball movie

Tell the black guys to stand still and set the mini trampoline under the 9-foot goal, because Mark Wahlberg (who is 5'8") will play a mentor to Justin Bieber (who is 5'5") in a movie about street basketball. Deadline says... Paramount Pictures is in negotiations for what could be the dramatic screen-starring debut of Justin Bieber. He will star alongside Mark Wahlberg in an untitled drama that will revolve around...

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Olivia Munn in a bikini on a jet ski for Carls Jr.

Carls Jr. has once again made a commercial with a B-list star in a bikini (behind the scenes video under the cut), this time with Oliva Munn following in the unsteady footsteps of Paris Hilton and Audrina Patridge. These are such honest ads. Carls Jr. isn't that great and neither are their models. It's like a list of things you might consider if you were drunk. (image source = splash news) [gallery...

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Lindsay will give the homeless the greatest gift of all

One time I was walking through a parking lot and I came around a car and there was this old homeless woman with a ping pong ball for an eye (literally. it was a ping pong ball with a blue circle drawn on it with a sharpie inside her eye socket) and she was squatting down next to the car peeing. And I know she was peeing because she looked up at me and yelled, "I'm peeing!". Not in a mad "do you mind, I'd like some...

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Giselle Bunchen is not a very good model

Gisele Bundchen was hired to be a "living mannequin" for a department store in Sao Paulo, Brazil, and either no one told her that or she doesn't know what a mannequin is. Someone tell her to stop moving. And definitely stop waving. Jesus, she's practically dancing in there, just hold still dummy! (image source = inf daily) [gallery ids="780702,780712,780722,780732,780742,780752,780761,780771"]

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the TSA saved us from Rihanna

When you work for the TSA, you know that danger lurks around every corner, and the enemy could be literally anyone. So when they saw international superstar Rihanna at LAX yesterday, in line with a coven of witches, an unattended pit bull with a bloody boarding pass in its mouth, a skinhead wearing this shirt, and a guy from Pakistan in a dirty robe and knit cap sweating profusely and muttering prayers in Arabic, they...

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Wednesday afternoon headlines

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER - has agreed to reprise his most famous role in Terminator 5, to be directed by Justin Lin, whose first task will be to explain why a robot has a turkey neck and occasionally noticeable bra strap. (thr) ANTJE TRAUE - will play the second villain in the Superman reboot. The relatively unknown German actress (pictured above) will play Faora Hu-Ul, another refugee from Krypton and an expert in the...

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Naya Rivera > Lea Michele

Glee is filming in New York City this week, and hopefully Lea Michele didn't think today was gonna be her day to shine because she went shopping with Naya Rivera. Who is way hotter to begin with. Even if they were dressed identically, Naya would have been the hot one. But she wore tiny shorts and a half shirt. It's like giving Superman a gun. (image source = inf daily) [gallery...

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Star apologized to Katie Holmes

Two months ago, Star magazine had a story claiming that Katie Homes goes to a certain type of Scientology treatment a lot. As you've already figured out, it was boring, so they jazzed it up a little and then put it on the cover. Through no fault of their own, some people misread the headline to mean that Katie was addicted to drugs, and that it was a shocking nightmare. It was an honest mistake, but I guess Katie...

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Lindsay was on the Tonight Show

On Monday, Lindsay Lohan taped an appearance on the Tonight Show, and it aired last night, and she talked about her 5 year crime spree and how she's learned from her mistakes and how all she wants to do is work and it's all really touching unless you know who Lindsay Lohan is. If you do then you know she says that stuff all the time. Every time she gets arrested. I'm not gonna fall for the same trick a million times....

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BREAKING NEWS: "Glee" is kinda gay

If there's one thing most self-appointed "conservative" leaders hate, it's Glee. If there's two things they hate it's Glee and Lady Gaga, so of course last nights episode of Glee with Lady Gaga songs in it has them going all apeshit. The episode featured Kurt returning to his old school and receiving an apology from a closeted gay football player who had bullied him. Celebrating acceptance, the show's cast sings Lady...

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Jessica Simpson looked, umm, kinda hot actually

Last night at Eden in LA, Us magazine held their annual Hot Hollywood party, an event dedicated to giving really attractive people some special attention. I know, right! Finally! For far too long Hollywood has based success solely on merit. The big star of the night was Jessica Simpson, who I guess is dieting for her wedding because she looked really good, better than she has in a long time. More sexy, less tubby...

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Eddie Cibrian makes poor decisions

Eddie Cibrian and LeAnn Rimes got married Friday night, and while they're no doubt out somewhere celebrating that fact today, Cibrians ex wife Brandi Glanville unpacked at her new (smaller) house with a cast on her foot. Nonetheless, she's still the winner in all this because she's way way hotter than Rimes. Cibrian is an idiot. It's like he just traded in a 2011 Maybach for the passenger seat from a 98 Accord, and...

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Nic Cage may have dropped his son when he was drunk

As you know, Nic Cage was arrested 8 days ago in New Orleans because he was drunk and yelling at the police, which they hate, and he reportedly grabbed the arm of his annoyingly hot wife Alice Kim during an argument about where they lived. Now on top of all that, a new report says he maybe dropped his 5 year old son too. The Daily Mail says... The New Orleans police report reads: 'At some point, Mr Cage fell while...

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