Melanie Iglesias Strips For House Music (VIDEO)

By Travis May 16, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

Up until now, Melanie Iglesias has been best known for appearing on the MTV 2 show “Guy Code”, on which people that you’ve probably never heard of offer guys advice on how to behave in various situations. She has also been dating The Jersey Shore’s Vinny Guadagnino on and off, so by this point I’m not even sure why I’m talking about her at all.

Except yesterday, the Dutch electro house music duo, Bingo Players, released a video entitled, “The Greatest Lightshow on Earth” for their new single “Buzzcut”, and it stars Melanie as a girl who is seduced into taking her clothes off by a strange man wearing what looks like Christmas lights on his hands or maybe a Nintendo Power Glove.

It doesn’t really matter because Melanie just became much more important.

Ashton Kutcher Brags About $20 Mill; Demi Wants Her Cut

By Lex May 15, 2013 @ 5:33 PM

It’s pretty much impossible to ridicule Ashton Kutcher without sounding like a jealous prick. He’s nailing every hot actress in Hollywood, making supreme bank on a cakewalk TV show, and he doesn’t seem to be twisted on drugs or booze or any extreme mental lapses from reality. But, he’s got an ex-wife. Or soon to be. And he done fucked up big time while still in his never-ending divorce proceedings.

Ashton set up A-Grade [Investment Fund] with Oseary and Burkle in 2010, when he and Demi were still together, but he recently told her lawyers the fund had not made substantial money. In fact, he claimed he had only put about $1 million into it.

“Now it seems Ashton and Oseary were working towards a private offering based on a valuation of $100 million. Ashton owns 20 percent of the fund, under California law, Demi should be entitled to half of his share — $10 million. — PageSix of the N.Y. Post

And nobody would’ve known about it except that Ashton and his buddies had to brag at a recent TechCrunch conference about how it was booming. Crazy kid. He may have it pretty damn good, but ex-wives are the great equalizer. They will fell even the proudest oak.

Nikki Leigh In A Bikini

By Lex May 15, 2013 @ 4:00 PM

Nikki Leigh Posing In A Bikini For A Photoshoot On The Beach In Santa Monica
Nikki Leigh is a Playboy Playmate, a moniker that stays with you for life. Sort of like herpes, except you don’t want that for life, unless maybe you got it from long rounds of sexually deviant pursuits with Nikki Leigh. In which case, you’ve got what some would call ‘acceptable losses’.

Here’s Nikki modeling in bikinis in Santa Monica. I’d have to really ponder what would be acceptable losses with Nikki. But nobody ever asks these questions before they get started do they?

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

You’ve Got 12 Hours Left to Win That Big Fucking Trip to Vegas

By colin May 15, 2013 @ 3:26 PM

That’s Suzy Favor Hamilton, the former Olympic track star who got not so right in the head and was secretly working as a high-dollar escort in Vegas. I’m not promising you’ll hook up with a mentally troubled hot former Olympic athlete when you’re in Vegas, but if you win this big fucking trip, you can probably do even better.

Contest ends at midnight tonight. I think that’s Pacific, maybe Eastern, I can’t remember. Point is, enter to win the $6500 Memorial Day Weekend VIP trip to Vegas now if you haven’t already. Somebody’s going to be getting a pleasant email tomorrow about this. Why not you?

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LinkedIn Doesn’t Love Them Hos

By Jack May 15, 2013 @ 3:16 PM

LinkedIn will no longer allow prostitutes to use the site to advertise their business skill set. It seems that along with boring business professionals and desperate freelancers, whores have been seeking endorsements for their harlotry on the business social networking site. Prostitution is one of the skills that these ladies, (and manwhores too), have been using. Clients can then “endorse” them in much the same way as your hippie cousin is always sending you requests to endorse his socially conscious candle making efforts. Linkedin added a new rule to their user agreement that states that you can no longer:

“Upload, post, email, InMail, transmit or otherwise make available or initiate any content that: Even if it is legal where you are located, create profiles or provide content that promotes escort services or prostitution.”

But why shouldn’t professional sex givers be allowed to show off their resume? It’s a job like any other. If I’m going in for a Thai massage I want to know that the young girl whose daddy owes money to the mob gives the best happy endings possible. I don’t want a newbie with a GI Joe Kung-Fu grip tearing up my tender junk. Also, I’d like to know who my Eskimo brothers are. Who’s got 2nd degree connections with the same sore-laden wench just pretended she liked me? So many social possibilities down the drain. Good work, LinkedIn.

My Lifestyle Choice: I Proactively Cut Off My Nads

By Lex May 15, 2013 @ 2:22 PM

After coming to the conclusion that I had the genetic predisposition for not getting laid with any frequency, I went ahead and secretly had my nutmeat removed at a downtown area Holistic Healing and Chinese Take-Out place. As a younger man, I had to witness as my own father struggled to get laid and how badly he suffered for it. I don’t want to go through that. I certainly don’t want to do that to the people around me who will have to hear me bitch and moan like a dude does when he gets no action. You know, all edgy and getting in bar fights over nothing. Who needs that? I don’t feel any different nor do I see myself any differently now after the procedure. I mean, yeah, I am missing my bobos, that’s hard not to notice. And did I cry for an hour after seeing an old man feed bread crumbs to pigeons in the park. But besides that, it’s mostly the same.

I can’t tell you how much I appreciate all the supportive letters you’re about to write.

Jennifer Nicole Lee Comes Pre-Moistened

By Lex May 15, 2013 @ 1:30 PM

Jennifer Nicole Lee In Bikini And Wet T Shirt At The Beach In Florida
I’m sure there’s a good reason why celebrity fitness instructor Jennifer Nicole Lee is pouring water over her chest. I’m sure I don’t care to know why. When girls desperately seek attention, you ought just give it to them. Especially when it involves wet boobs. Just STFU and thank the Good Lord for what he made.

Here’s Jennifer Nicole Lee getting sweaty in a workout. She used to be really fat until she realized there’s no money in being fat, not without a talk show.

Photo Credit: Splash

Victoria’s Secret Wants to Know What Is Sexy

By Lex May 15, 2013 @ 12:48 PM

Adriana Lima Lily Aldridge And Behati Prinsloo At What Is Sexy List In Santa Monica
When Victoria’s Secret runs a campaign called ‘What Is Sexy?’ They obviously want you to circle your answer back to buying more of their underwear. But, to me, the real answer is, slave labor. Slave labor is sexy as hell. Who can forget the reports on slave like working conditions in the V.S. subcontractor factories in the Middle East filled with Bangladeshi girls? A locked down industrial park in Jordan might just seem like an exotic adventure to a chick from the suburbs of Dhaka. It’s like being transported right into an Emmanuelle movie.

Workers are allowed just 3.3 minutes to sew each $14 Victoria’s Secret women’s bikini, for which they are paid four cents.

Sure, it’s four cents per unit, but if you could shave just 3 minutes off of your time on each piece, all of a sudden you’re talking minimum wage. These lazy girls from Bangladesh just need to learn to apply themselves. Less crying about missing your pet monkey and more pumping of the sewing machine pedal from your booster seat. Just knowing that the quiet desperation of Southeast Asian girls are soaked into every bikini and pair of panties — now that’s sexy. Also, anything on Adriana Lima.

Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin, PCN, WENN