Steven Tyler looks great

By brendon October 27, 2011 @ 3:20 PM

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Steven Tyler did a telephone interview on the Today show this morning to explain that the accident which left him with a black eye and broken tooth had nothing to do with any sort of drug relapse, and everything to do with the fact that food in other countries is essentially legal poison.

The incident occurred on Tuesday, when Tyler says he walked into his hotel shower in Paraguay, “got nauseous (from food poisoning), started to get sick and I fell on my face and I just passed out.”
But this was not a fall off of the wagon, says Tyler, who relapsed from decades of sobriety in late 2009 and underwent three months of rehab. “That’s not the issue,” he told Lauer.
“It’s nothing I don’t understand. It makes me a little upset. But I get that people think that. It’s something that bothers me and it’s something I’ll have to deal with for the rest of my life.”

I bet when he saw Tyler explaining that he got a black eye simply because he had an accident and fell down, Chris Brown mumbled to himself, “see, was that so hard.”

Speilberg blames Lucas for Indiana Jones 4 being awful

By brendon October 27, 2011 @ 12:31 PM

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Steven Spielberg has a interview in the new issue of Empire, and if you hated the idea of aliens in ‘Indiana Jones and Kingdom of the Crystal Skull’, you’re in good company, because he did too.

“…I sympathise with people who didn’t like the MacGuffin because I never liked the MacGuffin. George and I had big arguments about the MacGuffin. I didn’t want these things to be either aliens or inter-dimensional beings. But I am loyal to my best friend. When he writes a story he believes in – even if I don’t believe in it – I’m going to shoot the movie the way George envisaged it. I’ll add my own touches, I’ll bring my own cast in, I’ll shoot the way I want to shoot it, but I will always defer to George as the storyteller of the Indy series. I will never fight him on that.”

Aww golly, that’s kinda touching. I can’t help but admire the way he knowingly screwed the audience by making a terrible movie just because his friend asked him too. It really inspires confidence.

(what sucks is that these two used to be great at this. no, really. here is an outstanding article about the first Indiana Jones story meetings between Spielberg, Lucas, and the great screenwriter Lawrence Kasdan. I have no idea what happened since them but i doubt Lucas could even write a note telling me he went to the store without fucking it up. ‘You needed milk and went to Area 51? What, why? That seems unreasonable.’ “

Jennifer Aniston got married. maybe.

By brendon October 27, 2011 @ 10:59 AM

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Just yesterday Jennifer Aniston told a magazine that she was not pregnant and had no plans to get married. So does that mean she’s already married? Probably not, no, but Star is gonna tell you that anyway.

It just came out this morning so there’s no story to go along with that cover but you get the idea. She eloped, no friends, no pre-nup. And it’s that sense of desperation that makes this so plausible. Jennifer Aniston is like a rich version of those girls who become pen-pals with prisoners. She just wants anyone, literally anyone, to date her. Sorry about the planet being so small, Jen.

Michael Lohan ran from police, jumped into a tree

By brendon October 27, 2011 @ 9:53 AM

When the police showed up, Lindsay Lohans dad tried to escape by jumping into a tree from a 3rd story balcony because he violated probation by contacting the girl he was ordered not to contact yesterday after allegedly hitting her the day before.

I just had to get that out of the way because its so awesomely white trash. CBS News in Tampa says…

Police say Wednesday afternoon, not long after he was released from jail, Lohan called Major, violating that judge’s order.
Investigators say while officers were talking with Major at her apartment, Lohan called again. She put him on speakerphone and police listened in.
They went to the Tahitian Inn in South Tampa at around 1 a.m. Thursday to arrest him.
Officers say Lohan spotted them and jumped from a third story balcony to try to get away.
But police caught him and slapped on the cuffs.
When police got Lohan to the Orient Road Jail, deputies did not process him in; they think he may have a broken foot.

And while he was doing that, Lindsay was posing naked because she’s about to go to jail again and needs the money. In a sense I feel bad for her because she never had a chance with such shitty parents. In another, more accurate sense, I can’t wait to see her vagina. Here’s a shout out to all you shitty parents who make things like this possible!

Tom Cruise is a pro

By brendon October 26, 2011 @ 5:38 PM

<a href='http://video.uk.msn.com/?mkt=en-gb&#038;from=null&#038;vid=1aff72fe-4584-4683-a718-4bfd56fe0c80&#038;src=FLPl:embed::uuids' target='_new' title='Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol: Burj Khalifa sizzle' >Video: Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol: Burj Khalifa sizzle</a>

Lots of people make fun of Tom Cruise for perfectly valid reasons, but HOLY FUCK that guy is a pro. It’s one thing for an actor to do their own stunts when it involves riding a motorcycle or kissing Jennifer Aniston, it’s quite another when it involves running around the outside of the worlds tallest building. He’s over half a mile in the air. If he fell he would die of old age before hitting the ground.

Jennifer Nicole Lee is a inspiration

By brendon October 26, 2011 @ 4:51 PM

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Jennifer Nicole Lee is a fitness expert and by that I mean she lost 70 pounds after having two kids and now she looks like this. Like she did today on Miami beach. And now she gives advice. Legit advice. Not like when I took a course at the Handsome Boy Modeling School. They just took my $50 and toyed with my dreams.

(image source = splash)

Eddie Murphy quits family films, might return to stand up

By brendon October 26, 2011 @ 4:00 PM

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Eddie Murphy rarely does any interviews, you’d think he was in SEAL Team 6 for fucks sake, so when he sat down with Rolling Stone recently for this one, he really made it count.

On if he’ll do any more kids movies…

“I don’t have any interest in that right now. There’s really no blueprint, but I’m trying to do some edgy stuff. And I only want to do what I really want to do, otherwise I’m content to sit here and play my guitar all day.”

On ‘Beverly Hills Cop IV’…

“They’re not doing it. None of the movie scripts were right; it was trying to force the premise. If you have to force something, you shouldn’t be doing it. It was always a rehash of the old thing. It was always wrong.”

On returning to stand up comedy…

“If I ever get back onstage, I’m going to have a really great show for you all. An hour and a half of stand-up and about 40 minutes of my shitty band… But I haven’t done it since I was 27, so why fuck with it? But that’s just weighing both sides. It comes up too much for me to not do it again. It’s like, when it hits me, I’ll do it, eventually.”

This would be great because Eddie Murphy can still be really really funny, but most of his stand-up was things like, “look at this faggot ass faggot” and “what if the President was black?” I’m not so sure you can still do that. That was the 80′s, when homophobia and racism seemed perfectly reasonable.

youll never guess why Lindsay posed for Playboy

By brendon October 26, 2011 @ 3:17 PM

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It’s only a matter of time before Lindsay Lohan gives an interview where she says she did Playboy because she thought it would be fun and Marilyn Monroe was one of her idols and she was in Playboy and so was Cindy Crawford and the pictures were so beautiful and artistic and on and on like that for 20 minutes and holy fuck are you kidding me.

Needless to say that’s all bullshit and she’s broke.

Lindsay Lohan decided to do a Playboy photo shoot because she was extremely concerned about her financial situation and a possible jail sentence, Radar is exclusively reporting.
The embattled actress is facing up to 18 months behind bars for a possible probation violation in her shoplifting case. LiLo’s probation violation hearing is scheduled for November 2.
“Lindsay still hasn’t signed her contract to be in the John Gotti biopic. Lindsay is extremely concerned about her finances, and she needs the money. Lindsay’s flow of income has been greatly diminished in the last year. With the possibility of being sent back to jail for over a year, she felt that now was the time to do the Playboy photo shoot,” a source close to the actress tells us.

Well at least Playboy is getting their moneys worth because she reportedly went full frontal. That’ll be a real treat for the 40 or so guys who haven’t fucked her yet.