Israeli supermodel Bar Refaeli underwent surgery to have a beauty mark removed from her stomach yesterday, and the brave warrior princess that she is, Bar posed for a photo and posted it to her Instagram right before the procedure. While most women would have requested a week off from work for such an operation and probably sued the doctor for malpractice at even the slightest sign of a headache, Bar got right back to doing what matters most – posing in her bikini on the beach. They say that bravery and courage are dead in this world, but I’d argue that Bar just showed us a thing or two. Namely her breasts.
Apologizing for offensive jokes is like taking a dump in the humor sacrament. Everybody is offended by something. That can’t possibly be a standard. Conan O’Brien pulled a Tweet about the new Marvel comics superhero, Ms. Marvel, following cries of racism and disparagement of Muslims. Oh, boo fucking hoo. No, it’s not a particularly funny joke, if for no other reason than Conan’s Twitter writer didn’t know that the Ms. Marvel character is a high school girl in the new storyline. But it’s just a joke. Obama might feel a need to never use the word Muslim within ten Ramadans of the word terrorism, but comedians are supposed to be beyond the political art of cowardice. Offended people will always find a way to be offended. You know what’s truly disparaging of Muslims? Assuming they can’t take a fucking joke.
Millions of people across the country walk around for the better part of the day and evening with a bottle of water, so we felt it was the right time to introduce the first fashion water that plays into an individual’s sense of style. Just like mobile phones have become a fashion accessory, we feel the same will be true of water. — Thibault Mauvilain, Hollywood paparazzo and co-founder of 138 Water
That sounds so incredibly obnoxious that it almost has to be real. And the colors: Cool Blue, Leave-Me-Alone Black, Pretty in Pink, Sunshine Yellow, Funky Purple, Sexy Red, Going Green and Orange You Glad We Made Orange. No, I’m not fucking kidding. You can have your Leave Me Alone Black bottle of water for just two bucks a pop. If you could find it.
That’s Amanda Cerny in a bikini for yet another 138 water photo shoot. Presumably, somebody is fronting the cash for all of this. The Others?
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
I was perusing the Gay Voices section of HuffPo, it’s basically the sports section for their enlightened audience, reading about Peter Pavlensky. He’s a street artist slash political protestor, which means he has two jobs that pay nothing and make him super fucking annoying. But I’ll tell you something Peter does have, he has commitment. In previous attempts to voice his concern over the civil rights trampling Russian government, Peter has both wrapped his bare body in barbed wire and also sewn his lips shut together. But for today’s number, Peter wanted to show he really had balls. So he nailed his scrote to the cobblestone steps outside the Kremlin. It’s kind of a Jesus meets West Hollywood dungeon thing. No Alec Baldwin crocodile tears for Peter Pavlensky. Just a stoic face and a polite request for the police not to use the rusty pliers.
You or I should be so lucky to have a decent looking Canadian actress stalking us for crazy person sex. Not Alec Baldwin. He welled up some baby doll cheek squirts today in court when Genevieve Sabourin started heckling him for being a lying wussbag when he denied having sex with her. Baldwin went on to blubber about how frightened he was with all her emails and voicemails and even showing up at his Hamptons house unannounced. I think at one point Genevieve even started reciting the dismal ratings reports for Baldwin’s MSNBC show nobody is watching. Finally something worth wallowing over. On his way out of court, Alec spotted a paparazzi he knew and told him ‘I hope you choke to death.’ Now there’s the Alec Baldwin we all love.
Here’s a quickie interview with Genevieve outside the courthouse. I only need to see a few seconds of the Cannuck to see just how nuts she is. The fact that she left a message for Alec saying she wanted to ‘make a mini-Baldwin’ with him is just icing on the cuckoo cake. She needs a room next to Amanda Bynes where the two can talk about who’s had naughtier sex with Abe Lincoln.
Photo Credit: WENN, Genevieve Sabourin/Twitter
Women must buy a shit ton of underwear because there are about a thousand different nameplates outside the sweatshops in Mynamar. By my count, there are three different options for men’s undergarments. If you’re in a store with a ton of underwear options for guys, think before you Facebook your location. It’s probably time to tell your parents you’re gay.
Genevieve Morton is pretty damn hot. She’s South African so her odds of being murdered in a home invasion robbery are 3:2. Enjoy her now in her vintage porn socks.
Photo Credit: The Riker Brother/POMPOMLA
Miley Cyrus had about five minutes there when people weren’t talking about her being the bane of decent society so she took off her clothes for a rap video where her dulcet tones are featured. You can go look up the rapper Future’s music video Real & True yourself to see flashes of Miley Cyrus body painted in silver glitter. Now that I know my Internet search records are being monitored by the NSA, I’m not doing ‘Miley Cyrus tits in videos’ or ‘how to murder annoying neighbor children’ any longer on Google.
Tati Neves is now the top dawg prostitute in Brazil. Girls in the sex trade throughout the country can only dream of ever achieving such lofty goals. I don’t care if you’re a port tramp in Recife or a more traditional Rio underground bukkake film star, the odds of you hitting the Bieber jackpot are about twelve in one-hundred thousand. Tati Neves is fast becoming a hero in her homeland. It’s like watching Roberto Duran when he’d return to Panama in between title fights. Parades, celebrations, and the community health centers offering free gonorrhea inoculations. Good show, Tati.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, Splash