Matthew McConaughey needs lots of attention

By brendon January 24, 2011 @ 5:18 PM

Matthew McConaughey

Matthew McConaughey went for a jog around Malibu, again, with his shirt off, again, and apparently it was cold enough to keep his little hat on but not his shirt. What an asshole. Yeah, we get it, you have nothing to do all day because being an actor is great. Only two kinds of people take their shirt off and run around in public: narcissistic attention whores and feral children who were left in the woods and think they’re wolves. McConaughey has a full body wax, so guess which one he is.

Madonna cancelled that school she said she’d build

By brendon January 24, 2011 @ 2:52 PM

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Last April, Madonna went to the African nation of Malawi, the home of two of her adopted kids, for the groundbreaking at a school she pledged $15 million to build. JK, LOL!

MADONNA is in hot water with the Malawian government after she scrapped plans to build a special school there.
She promised to fund an academy for underprivileged girls during a visit in 2009.
But plans to construct the £9million facility have suddenly been scrapped, and instead she intends to build a series of secondary schools across the country.

Well if one school wasn’t enough, if she wants to build lots of school and help lots of kids, that doesn’t explain why she couldn’t just build this first one and then build more.

Obviously she has no intention of doing either, which is a shame. How much could it really cost to build the best school in Africa? One room with a lion proof door and a map that doesn’t have dragons in the ocean and one eyed giants on Europe and you’re already in the top 10.

Chastity Bono wants to look like Michael Chiklis

By brendon January 24, 2011 @ 1:02 PM

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One time a friend came up and said he was changing his name to Bo and we should all call him Bo now. Needless to say we told him to fuck off and that was the end of that.

In a related story, Chastity Bono has a new documentary about her sex change surgery, which has allowed her to go from a fat girl with a terrible haircut to a fat girl with a terrible haircut in the mens room. E! says…

Chaz Bono may have been born a girl, but he always felt he was a boy.
“I’ve hated my body since puberty,” he says in Becoming Chaz, a documentary about his female-to-male transition.
In fact, Bono reveals that as a little girl he would go to sleep at night “praying [he'd] wake up as a boy.”

Wow. A teenager unhappy with the way they look. OK, I take it all back, clearly this case is one in a million.

He talks openly about his recovery from substance abuse, his sex life and his relationship with longtime girlfriend Jenny Elia. Oh, and wait till you see the couple’s hairless cats.

Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod, please be talking about actual cats.

Bono also says he’d love to have a body like actor…Michael Chiklis! “I’m never going to be a little guy,” he says.

Obviously this girl has a profound mental illness; chopping off your penis and saying you’re a woman is like chopping off your legs and saying you’re a plant. No, you’re not. You’re a crazy person. If people really wanted to help they’d get her therapy, not cuff links, but, whatever. It’s her life, not mine. National Signing Day is two weeks away and LSU needs a linebacker, I have real problems to worry about, I don’t have time for her nonsense.

morning headlines

By brendon January 24, 2011 @ 11:14 AM

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REGIS PHILBIN – quit his talk show because of money, and he thinks he can do better, despite the fact that he was making 20 million a year and is so old he has to be reanimated with jumper cables every morning. (tmz)

JONATHAN KNIGHT – of New Kids On The Block was outed by Tiffany on TV Friday night. A guy who sings and dances is secretly gay? Now I’ve seen everything! (popeater)

NAYA RIVERA – of Glee hosted a party at the Bank in Vegas this weekend, and she did it in a fantastically short dress. The theme of the party was how awesome it is when hot girls dress slutty. (splash news online)

JWoww lost 20 pounds

By brendon January 21, 2011 @ 8:47 PM

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JWoww has been famous for about two years now, and whenever you see her, one word comes to mind. Fatty. So thank god she finally got in the gym and did something about it.

The Jersey Shore star sat down with Life & Style to share how she cleaned up her act, lost 20 pounds, and two dress sizes in the past seven months.
“I want to go back to where I was until I was 21. I was running 3½ miles a day, and I looked amazing. I was very, very health-conscious. And I’d never had a drink.”
This season, JWoww started hitting the gym with the guys and scaled back her partying, limiting herself to lower-cal cocktails like “vodka-seltzer, no cranberry, nothing fruity. I drank things that wouldn’t induce a hangover so I could stick with the gym. It was hard, but it was worth it.” Since filming of the third season ended in September, she has cut alcohol altogether. “I want to be on point, and drinking gets in the way,” she says.

So, when it comes to getting in shape, exercise = good. Getting drunk = bad. Wait, is that right? I think that might be an urban legend.

afternoon headlines

By brendon January 21, 2011 @ 5:41 PM

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SKINS – is the new MTV drama, with a cast ranging from 15-19, where everyone gets drunk and has sex, and now some nerds are asking the government to open an investigation to determine if it’s child pornography. I don’t think it is, but I haven’t fucked a 15 year old since I was like 24, so maybe the laws have changed since then. (deadline)

AMERICAN IDOL – on Thursday night was down 9 percent from Wednesday night, which was down 13 percent from last years season premiere. They should just cancel the show right now. Instead of Coke it should be sponsored by Sleepytime Tea. (hollywood reporter)

SACHA BARON COHEN – will not be playing Saddam Hussein in his next movie, as was the rumor yesterday, but will be a fictionalized version of Hussein in a movie based on a book written by Hussein, that “tells the heroic story of a dictator who risked his life to ensure that democracy would never come to the country he so lovingly oppressed.” Awesome. Everyone loves a good genocide joke. (slate)

JENNA BENTLEY – was down in Hermosa Beach yesterday, and yes this is purely filler bc there were no other good pictures. The paparazzi agency refers to her as a Playmate but I don’t think that’s true. It better not be true, because Julri Waters is a billion times hotter and she’s not a Playmate yet. She should be though. She’s beautiful. And Korean. With G’s. I can’t believe she’s even real. It’s like discovering Superman is real. (pacific coast)

Helena Bonham Carter is heartbreaking

By brendon January 21, 2011 @ 4:01 PM

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Helena Bonham Carter, my beloved Marla Singer, who used to look like this and even now can look like this when she tries, ran some errands around North London today, and seriously what in the hell.

She looks like someone who would throw a handful of pee in your eyes while yelling some insane gibberish. If that thing tried to kiss me, I’d pull my head down like a turtle until it completely sunk into my chest. I don’t know how but I would figure it out.

(image source = bauer griffin)

Lindsay Lohan bribed Dawn Holland to change her story

By brendon January 21, 2011 @ 1:39 PM

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Dawn Holland is the woman who worked at Betty Ford and accused Lindsay Lohan of assaulting her, but who followed that a few days later by saying things were fine, that she overreacted, and Lindsay should be left alone.

That was weird, huh? That’s a weird thing for someone to do. The only explanation would be that, either Dawn really did think she overacted and felt bad because Lindsay is a sweet little angel, or that Lindsay bribed her to change her story.

Hold on to your hats, everyone.

(Holland) secretly cut a $25,000 deal with (Lohan) after refusing to testify against her, Radar has learned.
What’s more, Holland fired her attorney Keith Davidson on Thursday afternoon after the payday never materialized.
“Dawn agreed to a $25,000 payment from someone directly associated with Lohan’s camp,” a source said.
“Dawn wanted the amount paid upfront. But Lohan’s camp wanted to spread it out over a period of a few months, paying her in installments.”

It might seem weird that Lindsay couldn’t pay it all at once and then never paid it at all, but that’s probably because she doesn’t have $25,000. Actually she doesn’t even have $15,000 it would seem, because TMZ adds that part of the deal was for Lohan and Holland to sell some pics to the paparazzi and for Holland to keep all the money.

The plan — hatched BEFORE Dawn decided not to pursue criminal charges against Lindsay — was that Dawn would make $10,000 from the sale of the photos.

It was dumb of Lindsay to not pay up, but even dumber of Dawn to think she was ever going to. She’s in a drug rehab, she just hit you, then lied about it to the cops and bribed you into lying too. How many god damn warning signs do you need before it daws on you that maybe this girl isn’t of the highest moral character. What if she had blood on her hands and around her mouth? Anything yet? Still seem good?