Brett Ratner lied about “banging” Olivia Munn

By brendon November 08, 2011 @ 10:42 AM

ratner_b-gr_03

Brett Ratner had a perfectly terrible weekend, and that’s awesome because he’s a shitty director and an asshole and no one deserves success less than he does. Here’s a recap:

FRIDAY: Ratner explained that the reason his movies look like no one bothered to rehearse is because no one bothered to rehearse. Then he added the word “fags”.

“After a screening of his new movie ‘Tower Heist’ at L.A.’s Arclight Cinemas, the director came out for a Q&A, and when asked by the moderator whether he prepares and rehearses with his actors before shooting a scene, Ratner waved his hand dismissively and said, “Rehearsal is for fags.”

To be honest this seems dumb because he obviously wasn’t insulting gay people and he meant “fag” more like the way South Park explained it, but since gay groups are naturally inclined to throw hissyfits, that’s what they did, forcing him to apologize to save his gig producing this years Oscar telecast.

SATURDAY AND SUNDAY: ‘Tower Heist’ sort of tanked at the box office, finishing the weekend in second place with just $24 million, about 11 million less than it was expected to make. On the bright side that’s still 24 million more than a lazy copy of ‘Oceans 11′ except instead of Brad Pitt and Catherine Zeta Jones they have Eddie Murphy flirting with a 1400 pound moonfaced lump should have made.

MONDAY: Ratner admitted he was lying last week when he went on G4 and said he had sex with Olivia Munn. To be specific, what he said was…

“She was hanging out on my set of ‘After the Sunset,’ I banged her a few times, but I forgot her.”

Needless to say she didn’t really appreciate that. No girl would. Trust me, I haven’t been a virgin for months now, I know what a lady looks for in a lover.

Dr. Conrad Murray found guilty of manslaughter

By brendon November 07, 2011 @ 6:19 PM

85259870

Michael Jacksons personal physician Dr. Conrad Murray was found guilty today on one count of involuntary manslaughter after Jackson overdosed on a combination of drugs, notably the highly controlled anesthetic propofol, that were administered by Murray.

E! says

Murray faces up to four years in state prison and the loss of his medical license, although a recent rule adopted in the state of California could result in the cardiologist being sent to an L.A. County jail, where he would almost certainly spend only a portion of his sentence behind bars.
The offense was buoyed from testimony by Jackson employees who witnessed the panicked scene in the artist’s room when he stopped breathing, the detectives and forensics experts who led the investigation and, perhaps most poignantly, from anesthesiologist Dr. Steve Shafer.
Shafer testified that he found 17 areas in which Murray violated medical protocol and ethics, from Murray’s inexplicable decision to treat Jackson’s insomnia with the anesthetic propofol to his lifesaving attempts in Jackson’s final moments.

This still seems like a witch hunt. Michael Jackson has looked dead for 10 years. Propofol must be packed with vitamins because it’s a miracle he even stayed alive this long.

is Katy Perry pregnant?

By brendon November 07, 2011 @ 5:31 PM

6468

Probably not, no. But she looked like she might be in one picture from the MTV Europe Music Awards in Belfast last night, so yes, let’s say she is. If there’s one thing the internet is good at, it’s pictures of tits. But if there’s two things the internet is good at, it’s pictures of tits and baseless accusations.

(image source = wenn and getty)

its Mariah Yeaters booking photo

By brendon November 07, 2011 @ 5:23 PM

mariah_yeaters_booking_photo

Speaking of Justin Bieber, here’s the booking photo for his possible secret lover Mariah Yeater after she was arrested for slapping her boyfriend in the face 3 times on December 21, 2010. The two had a fight after she told him he was the father of the same child she now says Justin Bieber is the father of. Bieber has denied these reports in the press, though I feel he should do it in person just so she could slap him around too.

Oh and the Daily Mirror says she told friends the father wasn’t the boyfriend or Bieber but some other guy altogether. Being a slut requires a surprising amount of math.

(source = pacific coast news)

Justin Bieber will take a DNA test

By brendon November 07, 2011 @ 4:56 PM

mariah_yeater

Justin Bieber has agreed to take a DNA test to prove he is not the father of Mariah Yeaters child, and then plans on suing her and her lawyers “to show there are consequences to making false accusations.” If I were them I would demand a semen sample as proof of DNA, then I’d shove it right into Yeater and then stall for 9 months while pretending to wait for the results.

(source = People)

Batman is ripped out

By brendon November 07, 2011 @ 4:47 PM

1937422

Christian Bale and Tom Hardy filmed some scenes on Wall Street yesterday for ‘The Dark Knight Rises’, and I guess I never noticed before how goofy the new bat-suit looks. It’s like they saved money by re-using the pants from Tron. Come to think of it the bat-pod looks like one of those Tron light cycles too. Is this a prequel or something?

(image source = inf)

Kim Kardashian is “trying to reconcile”

By brendon November 07, 2011 @ 3:14 PM

kim_kardashian_kris_humphries_house_canhassen_minnesota

Considering that she doesn’t actually do anything, the public has always been fairly kind to Kim Kardashian. But that all changed after she filed for divorce 72 days after making 18 million dollars off her wedding to Kris Humphries, including a 2 million dollar engagement ring her mom said she deserved to keep.

Now the public sort of hates her, so she spent yesterday at Humphries home in Canhassen, Minnesota, pretending to fight for her sham marriage. And the paparazzi got pictures of it! What a lucky break for her! As everyone knows you can’t go ten feet in Canhassen, Minnesota, without tripping over the paparazzi.

(image source = inf)

Benicio Del Toro might be in Star Trek 2

By brendon November 07, 2011 @ 2:40 PM

benicio-del-torro-campari_calendar

Variety is reporting that Benicio Del Toro has been offered the role as the villain in the sequel to ‘Star Trek’, though it’s not clear which villain he’ll play. I know this is off the subject but Benicio had sex with Scarlett Johansson in an elevator when she was 19 and he was 37. That’s pretty bad ass. Also off the subject but why is my penis two shades darker than the rest of me. Does astroglide have some kind of self-tanner in it?