Jennifer Lawrence looks pretty different IRL

By brendon March 23, 2012 @ 6:28 PM

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Now that ‘Hunger Games’ is a part of all of our lives (perhaps the biggest part) Jennifer Lawrence shouldn’t just roll out of bed and go to Whole Foods anymore. Like she did yesterday. Because Real Life Jennifer Lawrence looks absolutely nothing like Movie Star Jennifer Lawrence. Or is she Hunger Gaming us? Is that a thing, is this part of it, is this it? THIS GOD DAMN MOVIE DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE!

(image source = pacific coast)

Carrie Bradshaw had some rough years

By brendon March 23, 2012 @ 5:34 PM

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The first official image from the CW’s ‘Sex and the City’ prequel has been released, showing AnnaSophia Robb as Carrie Bradshaw in the 1980’s. That’s the same girl Sarah Jessica Parker played in the 1990’s. And they really nailed it.

I have no idea what happened to her face in those middle years, but she must wake up screaming about it 5 times a week.

Robb must be relieved though. If I was a teenage girl, and someone said I looked like Sarah Jessica Parker, I would literally punch them in the face as hard as I could. Then I’d run to the bathroom, slam the door and lock it and slide down to the floor in uncontrollable tears. Later I’d carve “ugly” into my arm and take a bunch of laxatives, and a fireman would come through the door with an axe.

image source of sarah jessica parker at the louis vuitton show in paris on march 7, 2012 = getty, of robb last year in hawaii = flynet

‘Hunger Games’ will make $140,000,000 this weekend

By brendon March 23, 2012 @ 4:26 PM

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‘The Hunger Games’ is now expected to have the largest opening weekend ever after already making almost $30 million, despite being out for less than a day, and despite the fact that everything in the commercials sounds like nonsensical gibberish to everyone who hasn’t read the books. You win again, unpopular high school girls!

(not that it matters, but it’s getting good reviews, with an 87 on rotten tomatoes and a 68 on metacritic)

do some sit-ups, fatty

By brendon March 23, 2012 @ 3:03 PM

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Supermodel Doutzen Kroes was out in Miami yesterday, 90 percent naked, which showed off her rock hard stomach. Which is even more impressive considering that she’s a mom. Does she do a thousand crunches a day? Or has this Doutzen come here from the past, from before she had the kid. I hope it’s that. These are the tales of Doutzen Kroes, and her adventures through time!

(image source = fame/flynet and inf)

Kim Kardashian got flour bombed

By brendon March 23, 2012 @ 2:09 PM

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The best part about Kim Kardashian getting a bag of flour thrown on her last night while she walked the red carpet at a party for her new perfume was how completely in love with herself she looked right before it happened. She thinks she’s fucking Evita, beloved by all, right at the exact moment when some crazy woman was fighting her way through the crowd and into my heart.

Kim was at the London Hotel in West Hollywood for an event touting her new fragrance line, True Reflection.  She was walking the red carpet when a woman threw the white powder at her from behind, covering her back and her hair.  During the incident, the attacker shouted, “Fur hag.”

Despite earlier reports, the “fur hag” comment was actually not about Kim using fur in her clothing line. It was about her mustache and back hair. Take that, Kim!

(image source = getty, splash, fame/flynet)

Whitney Houston: cocaine + bathtub = cause of death

By brendon March 22, 2012 @ 7:28 PM

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When Whitney Houston died, the sheep in the media were baffled, and her cause of death was an unsolvable mystery. Some members of her family even suggested she was murdered because she hadn’t done any drugs in over three years, and the only thing she took the night she died was Xanax.

And now the coroner (according to the LA Times) agrees, except he replaced the word “Xanax” with the word “cocaine”.

Whitney Houston died as the result of drowning in what the Los Angeles County coroner has ruled as an accidental death. The coroner said heart disease and cocaine use were also factors.
Cocaine was found in her system, the coroner said.
Authorities collected several bottles of prescription drugs from (the room where Houston died, but) said the amounts did not seem unusually large, leaving it unclear whether the medications had anything to do with the singer’s death.

So, she overdosed. She did coke and it stopped her heart and she drowned. It’s not like she got into the bathtub and drifted off to sleep like a little angel. I don’t know a ton about cocaine but I do know it’s not a sleep aid.

Rihanna is doing Ashton Kutcher now

By brendon March 22, 2012 @ 6:03 PM

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Rihanna reportedly spent about 4 hours visiting Ashton Kutcher on the set of “Two and a Half Men” yesterday, then had dinner with a friend at Giorgio Baldi’s in Santa Monica, then went to Ashtons house, where she photographed leaving at around 4am this morning. And though it’s likely that they had sex, keep in mind what a simple-minded dullard Ashton Kutcher is. It’s also entirely possible that she was there that long because she blacked out from boredom.

(image source of Rihanna last night = splash news)

since when does Nicole Richie look good in a bikini?

By brendon March 22, 2012 @ 3:14 PM

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I have no idea when this happened, but Nicole Richie actually exceeded all expectations yesterday at a hotel pool on South Beach. The girl put on about 15 pounds, and for the first and last time ever, I’m saying that as a compliment.

Is she still ugly? Yes. And how. But she looks good for Nicole Richie. You have to lower your expectations. Criticizing her here would be like when Mr. Burns read, “It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times…” and then yelled at the monkeys.

NOTE: god damn baby, settle down.

(image source = inf)