New York High School Students Packing

October 20, 2014 | WTF | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

The NYPD just released the stats of all the weapons seized from city high schoolers last year and the results are you should move your family to Connecticut. Confiscated items include guns, boxcutters, tasers, knives, and more than likely at least one scythe some asshole emo kid was packing. The NYPD’s spokesman explained this seems […]

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Laughs On Fox Takes Advantage (VIDEO)

October 20, 2014 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

If you’ve seen the fall season’s latest shit box called Laughs on Fox you should really get out more. Rat faced joke poacher and probable jaundice victim Steve Hofstetter produces the show, which means some shit for brains executive he went to college with owes him a favor. The show tours the country looking for […]

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Kelly Brook Strikes Me as Jaunty

October 18, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I’m pretty sure Kelly Brook’s knockers are ripening with the season. Maybe she’s pregnant with ideas. She could also just be getting chunky. British women allow themselves that wretched fate after a breakup. In stark contrast to American celebrities who shove cotton balls and Xanax down their gullet to forget the dude from the vampire […]

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Vanessa Hudgens And Ashley Tisdale Merge Leggings

October 18, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

There are two kinds of people in this world. Those shocked by the Stephen Collins’ admissions and those who have even been kid actors coming up in Hollywood. Corey Feldman is the Jose Canseco of former child actors. He wrote the book on the pedophiles and pederasts that fill Hollywood in unduly large numbers and […]

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Dutch Bikers Once Again More Manly Than You

October 17, 2014 | WTF | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Dutch Outlaw Bikers have motored down to Northern Iraq and Syria to go kill some fucking ISIS jihadists. They’re not being compensated, they just found an amazingly low cost adventure vacation. The Dutch government wanted to show that they’re not as pussy or Muslim influenced as their French neighbors so they retroactively decided to look […]

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Iggy Azalea Preps the Camel Toe for War

October 17, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Iggy Azalea’s cleft looks primed for war. Her vulva ate right through her shorts looking for some kind of firearm to bring to bear upon Snoop Dogg for calling her an ugly albino no talent bitch. She’s hardly an albino. I wish some people would use the dictionary before making accusations. Bullets ain’t got no […]

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Daphne Joy Has Big Yabbos

October 17, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

For the men who live entirely for their high school reunions, and you know who you are, you could do worse than showing up with 50 Cent’s baby mama to the next Holiday Inn assembly. Imagine the desperately jealous looks on the faces of the Cobra Kai aryans who emasculated you in the halls. When […]

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Jason Biggs Pisses on Chelsea Handler

October 17, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I’ve never done shit by popular demand. I don’t care to be popular. I’m mildly dyslexic, which means I hate the world for making me an ogre. But when a bunch of you including one girl who is all that really matters asked to see Jason Biggs peeing on Chelsea Handler’s head, fuck, why not. […]

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Sylvie Meis Wears Lingerie Well

October 17, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Sylvie Meis is that Dutch lingerie model whose soccer player husband dumped her because cancer left her unable to make any additional babies. That seems fair. Many lesser men would just stick with the marriage and bitterly call their wife that barren cancer bitch behind her back to all his steam room buddies. Other guys […]

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