Ruby Rose Claimed She Had Sex With Demi Lovato

By Travis October 08, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Of all the carbon copy female pop stars that have come and gone, Demi Lovato has always seemed like the blandest, most milquetoast and vanilla pudding of them all, because aside from cutting herself and going to rehab, I can’t name a single noteworthy thing that she’s done. But then along comes Australian DJ Ruby Rose, who Tweeted on Sunday that she’d had a lesbian affair with Demi, and suddenly I’m very intrigued by the both of them. While she has since deleted the Tweets, it’s still funny how a sordid girl-on-girl affair can make even the most boring celebrities seem like they suddenly have some cultural significance. Then again, unless a sex tape surfaces, this will all just have been one big tease.

(Photo Credits: Getty)

Stop It Lady Gaga, You’re Making Us Hot

By Travis October 08, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

Lady Gaga has been teasing her upcoming album ARTPOP for all of her fans with artwork and meaningless pictures of her in the studio, but last night she really drove home how much this record means to her by posting this selfie to Instagram. “Tired as fuck,” she wrote before rambling on about loving this album or whatever, and then she clicked submit on the image, thus ensuring that every last male fan of hers that wasn’t already gay would never touch a vagina again for the rest of their lives.

Miley Cyrus Is Insanely Popular

By Lex October 07, 2013 @ 7:42 PM

A bunch of people gave me shit on Twitter for saying Miley Cyrus has won. But she has. This prodigious chipmunk is everywhere. Hosting SNL late into Saturday night. The Today Show on Monday morning. Her auto-tuned symphony Bangerz just went on sale. She’s taking all the press for being a confused and crazy wild whore child and funneling it into a sausage grinder that is just spitting out money. It’s like alchemy. Shit is going in. Gold is coming out. It’s that much more impressive because she does look like she can fell a tree with her dam-building front buckies. Scoreboard, mofos, as Miley would say in her authentic gangster voice.

Here’s Miley on the Today Show this morning, with her mom taking pictures of her daughter and her ass hanging out on national TV. Her mom should be proud, she had to be thinking that her daughter would grow up to be a science experiment.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, FameFlynet

Punk Band Bassist Fingers Herself on Westboro Church Front Lawn

By Lex October 07, 2013 @ 7:29 PM

Punk bands used to take on authority. Governments, monarchies, the military. I guess the new thing is to challenge low hanging fruit whackjobs. The Westboro Baptist church is that group of despicable crazies that hate the gays and disrupt sacred events such as the burials of deceased U.S. servicemen to make some kind of idiotic point. Because they are shameless primitive hillbilly freaks, they get lots of attention and don’t honestly give a shit who calls them out. The punk band Gets Hot Girls decided to stick it to the Westboro Church by having their bass player Laura Lush (get it?), finger bang herself for a quick minute on the front lawn of the Topeka, Kansas church.

“The Phelps family and Westboro Baptist Church are ridiculous and do nothing except spread hate and cause controversy. As a bisexual woman and the bass player of a ridiculous punk band, I wanted to spread my legs and cause controversy.” – Laura Lush, on the Get Shot! Facebook page.

Do you see how Laura as a bisexual bass player had no choice. I mean, yeah, she could have fisted herself while busting down a barrier in D.C. at the risk of getting shot. Or she could go to Yemen and scissor kiss a chick in a burqa during prayer hour and face a beheading. Instead she ran onto an abandoned lawn of the ramshackle church, touched her stank, and then ran away before she got caught.

Completely disregarding Westboro’s surveillance cameras, armed security and the state’s strict obscenity laws, Get Shot! successfully avoided arrest or confrontation.

Wow, you’re so punk. Which wildly unpopular and totally unsupported group are you going to take a valiant stand against next? Child molesters? The Jacksonville Jaguars?

Here’s the fingering video (NSFW) since that’s all you really wanted to see.

Tim Burton Kissed Another Woman Now Helena Bonham Carter Won’t Change Her Clothes

By Lex October 07, 2013 @ 6:30 PM

There are a lot of weird couples in this world. In high school I sat behind the tuba player from band who would vigorously massage his large clarinetist girlfriend on the finger tips while she ate a cheddar cheese sandwich with her free hand. It got her so worked up, she’d excuse herself from class to go to the bathroom, always with mustard stains on her face. I’m just saying, that happened, and they were weird. Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter are even stranger. They are straight out of Scissorhands with the whack job hair and dress and crazy weirdly built two homes smooshed together. Like all crazy people, they also like some normal things too. For instance, Tim Burton likes kissing blond women in alley ways. Helena Bonham Carter likes denying it happened then not changing her clothes for several days to show everyone how life is normal. Sometimes I wish everyone could just be honest with their feelings. Just not around me though. I can’t abide any emotion not in the category of quiet disdain.

Photo credit: Pacific Coast News (above) (below)

Clemence Poesy Is Better Than Anyone Else in Harry Potter

By Lex October 07, 2013 @ 4:38 PM

I don’t like movies where dudes point their wands at each other. It just makes me nervous. The entire Harry Potter series has always eluded me. I don’t understand why a kid with so much power would choose to stay in school, Maybe if David Stern invents some rule forcing you too, otherwise, get out there with your money making spells and bitches-be-enchanted potions and have some fun. The Kardashian girls drop out of school the minute the first grown man shoves a twenty down their top.

Here’s Clemence Poesy, the hot chick from the Deathly Hallows in a magazine in France where people are very liberal about their views on nudity. Every culture needs a sole redeeming quality.

Photo Credit: Splash News

Chris Brown Says People Hate Bieber Because They’re Racist

By Jack October 07, 2013 @ 3:59 PM

Professional asshole Chris Brown came to the defense of his BFF Justin Bieber by saying that the reason people hate Justin is because of racism. They are hating on Bieber for hanging out with cool black people…like Chris Brown. According to Brown, Bieber-scorn has nothing to do with the Canadian midget being late to concerts, treating fans like shit, spitting on people, or being carried up the Great Wall of China:

“Justin’s not a bad kid, I’ve been around him. But if he hangs with too many black people, ‘oh he’s hanging with the n—-s, so we’re going to let you go’. That’s strictly what it is. It’s unconscious racism. C’mon, y’all know this s— is bulls—. So like at the end of the day, people f— with people and Justin does great music. He’s still pop, but he hangs with the black people. I can identify with what he’s going through. People don’t understand certain people, so if they don’t understand you, they automatically hate you. They cancel you out. I’m speaking out now because I really don’t care anymore.”

To be fair to Chris Brown, he’s so fucking high he has no idea what he’s saying. Though he’s also so fucking stupid when he’s sober he might just believe the same. Chris Brown is the official friend to the friendless. He knows what it’s like to be kept down, like when the cops come and hassle you for beating on your woman. Or Drake’s posse tries to throw a bottle at somebody in your posse. Or when he’s asked to simple addition and the whole class laughs at his clumsy answer. He and Bieber are like two peas in a pod that you can only wish a green giant would squish until the screams stopped.

Jason Collins Samples Gay Kickball

By Lex October 07, 2013 @ 3:29 PM

Jason Collins Plays Kickball In An All Gay League In Los Angeles
Everybody was so concerned that Jason Collins would be blackballed after coming out as the first gay NBA player. But that turns out to be utter nonsense. True, Jason has yet to be signed by any of the thirty NBA franchises this offseason, many of whom are scraping the bottom of the international round ball barrel to fill out their rosters, but that’s only because Jason’s life is now consumed with another sport. Jason joined a gay kickball league in Hollywood because he’s gay and he fucking loves kickball. From what I can tell, the game is basically softball, but you kick a rubber ball instead of hitting it with a bat, with the object being to show how poorly Jason Collins catches a fly ball. When the ball tags his nuts, you win. I mean, you really win. Jason says he’s not committed to the gay kickball league and finding a new job with an NBA team remains a top priority. For their part, NBA teams keep mumbling the phrase ‘no homo’ and talking up gay kickball.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI