Bar Refaeli Just Turned Everyone Into A Furry

By Travis September 13, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

I don’t know if anyone gives legitimate prizes to people for how they use Instagram, but if they do they should consider giving Bar Refaeli a giant trophy for being both awesome and incredibly attractive. For starters, she showed her playful side with the above photo that she took in a toy shop yesterday, and while she would have earned bonus points if it had been a sex toy shop, I won’t complain because she also posts photos like this, this, this, this and this to remind us that she’s insanely attractive.

Also, she’s probably going to be a billionaire by the time she’s 35, so she could probably run around setting orphans on fire and I’d say, “Look how gorgeous she looks when she throws gasoline in their faces.”

Selena Gomez Showed Off Her Legs For Spain

By Travis September 13, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

Despite perpetually looking like a trap set by Chris Hansen, Selena Gomez is old enough to drink now and she’s certainly old enough to start wearing more and more risqué outfits at her concerts. And while this white outfit is about as harmless as it gets compared to other pop stars, the fact that you can almost see up Selena’s shorts tells us just how far we’ve come as a society. Between her and Miley Cyrus, I wouldn’t be surprised if we eventually find out that the producers of Hannah Montana were feeding the cast small doses of ecstasy each day so they’d slowly develop into horny little sex goblins.

(Photo Credits: DyD Fotografos/Future Image/

I Can See Brittny Gastineau’s Boobs

By Lex September 12, 2013 @ 4:50 PM

Brittny Gastineau Goes Braless In A See Through Shirt At The Chateau Marmont In West Hollywood
I couldn’t tell you really who Brittny Gastineau is. I know she got fucked in the spelling of her first name, and I think she’s Eskimo sisters with Paris Hilton and other rich girl Hollywood types who partied hard during the whatever we called the decade of the 2000′s. She’s apparently not well off enough to afford a bra, or she’s making a fashion statement. I try not to assume, or, for Brittny, assme.

Photo Credit: PCN

Nicki Minaj Is Being Sued Over ‘Starships’

By Lex September 12, 2013 @ 4:35 PM

Nicki Minaj In The Video For 'Starship'
Nicki Minaj is being sued by a an electronic dance music artist from Chicago who claims Nicki’s Starship song was a blatant ripoff of his tune Neu Chicago, which just by its title sounds pretentious and metrosexual and I refuse to investigate. These copyright cases tend not to win or they get settled for some lesser amount, mostly I just wanted a chance to show off Nicki’s boobs again after that story a couple days ago where Gucci Mane said Nicki could do crazy ass sex tricks with her mouth. Of course, so can most electronic dance music artists, so she better watch out for more ripoff claims.

Dudes In Southeast Asia Are Kind of Rapey

By Lex September 12, 2013 @ 4:04 PM

I don’t make this shit up. The United Nations says 23% of men surveyed in Asia admit to having at least one rape under their belt. They say Asia but it’s really Papua New Guinea, Bangladesh, Cambodia, China, Indonesia, and Sri Lanka where one in four guys surveyed admitted to having raped a woman before. That certainly seems kind of high. I don’t think you pull those kind of rape stats even in the worst frat in America on a Saturday at 2am after a grain alcohol party with the college feminists rigging the numbers. To be fair to Sri Lanka and Bangladesh, they only really came back 1 in 10 rapists, being the victim of averages with places like Papua New Guinea where 6 in 10 men have forced themselves on a woman before. It’s usually their wives, but in many cases, just other Papua New Guineans and Cambodian women caught in a giant raping frenzy. Like shark week, if sharks were deviant miscreants who sexually assaulted women.

The study went further to break down the precise reasons for all this raping going on:

Nearly three quarters of those who committed rape said they did so for reasons of “sexual entitlement”. They believed they had the right to have sex with the woman regardless of consent.

The second most common motivation reported was to rape as a form of entertainment, so for fun or because they were bored.

That was followed by using rape as a form of punishment or because the man was angry.

In summary, Because I Can, Because I’m Bored, and Because She Needed a Lesson rank as your top three reasons for rape in Southeast Asia. You would’ve thought Because I’m Fucking Horny or Because My Country Doesn’t Allow Porn would’ve been in there somewhere. But, no, these guys are old school. There’s something to be said for the grand traditions of rape.

Chrissy Teigen Retweets Her Own Topless Photo

By Lex September 12, 2013 @ 2:50 PM

Chrissy Teigan's Hottest Instagram Photos
Everybody is trying to get naked now in music videos. It’s the last ditch draw to try and get the kids back into watching music videos since MTV turned over programming to shows about teens injuring themselves. John Legend got his own SI model girlfriend Chrissy Teigen to take her top off for his new music video (see photo below). I’m told he isn’t wearing any clothes either, but that just bothered me like a true homophobe and I ignored it immediately. This photo from the set got leaked and uploaded to Instagram where Chrissy retweeted it because she loves attention more than modesty. Which only means she’s probably going to be a fun wife, you know, until year two when she inevitably goes crazy and makes John Legend wish he were dead.

Photo Credit: Chrissy Teigen/Instagram

Somebody At Esquire Is Getting Really Fired

By Lex September 12, 2013 @ 2:00 PM

Internet journalism isn’t the same as regular old school newspaper and magazine journalism. Most notably, instead of a team of editors and hours of time, you got only yourself and five minutes to get stuff up on the web. Which is why there are tons of mistakes made daily on the web even from major magazines. They’re just trying to get shit done for 10-percent of the former price and ten times as fast. None of which excuses the dude about to be fired from who made the unfortunate decision to use the famous photo of the man falling to his death from the Twin Towers on 9/11 on the anniversary of 9/11 yesterday in a promo thumbnail for an article about commuting made easy. Yeah, that’s a pretty big fuck up. Like teasing an article called People We’d Like to See Dead and using a thumbnail photo of the President or a kid with cancer dying in a hospital.

Lucky for Esquire, they had a social media staffer at the ready to fire off the stupidest apology Tweet ever in the history of apology Tweets:

I may be one of the more insensitive jerkoffs on this planet, but even I know when you make this colossal of a mistake, the only thing to say is ‘I”m a total shit and I’m sorry damn sorry.’ Then accept a punch to the face and go into hiding for six months. Relax? Fuck, I feel better about myself right now.

Abigail Breslin Almost Unrecognizable

By Lex September 12, 2013 @ 1:00 PM

Abigail Breslin Shows Off Her Cleavage At The Toronto International Film Festival
Abigail Breslin claims that nobody recognizes her because she colored her hair blond. Yeah, it’s definitely the hair. Not the fact that the last time we saw you you were eight years old and now you’re seventeen and flashing a giant rack. If Jonathan Lipnicki walks by me at six-foot-six I’m not going to recognize him either and it’s not because he’s not wearing his little signature boy glasses. I do like the blond hair though, Little Miss Sunshine.

Photo Credit: Getty, WENN