Julianne Hough Is Keeping It Tight

By Travis May 30, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

It has been almost two months since Ryan Seacrest broke up with Julianne Hough, but there are still rumors floating around that she broke down crying when the two ran into each other earlier this month and he bought her a $3 million mansion to keep her from blabbing to everyone about their relationship. But those rumors suck compared to the ones about who she’s been sleeping with since her beard service, because she’s a hot 24-year old actress that shouldn’t go to waste.

Julianne has already been linked with engaged actor Alex Pettyfer and it is even believed that Leonardo DiCaprio charmed her into joining his topless harem aboard his orgy yacht. But true or not, it’s good to see Julianne was at the gym yesterday keeping the whole package fit, because she’ll never fulfill her destiny as Tom Cruise’s next fake wife with a saggy ass.

(Photo Credits: WENN.com)

Yeah, Jaden Smith Is An Adult

By Travis May 30, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

Jaden Smith is 14-years old, but he has a ton of money that he earned because his father, Will Smith, buys him movie franchises like The Karate Kid to keep him happy in between dropping Kidz Bop rap albums. Because of that money, Jaden thinks that he should be emancipated from his parents and be considered an adult, so he can run around and do whatever the fuck he wants and not have to answer for it. Really, it’s the American dream.

Jaden gave us a good glimpse of “adulthood” yesterday as he went shopping for an Iron Man costume with Kylie Jenner, and then he wore it to lunch at Nobu in New York City. And it’s not even a good Iron Man costume. It’s the kind that middle class kids wear on Halloween. This kid doesn’t deserve all of that wealth, which is why the Kardashians have most likely locked in on him.

(Photo Credit: GSNY/Splash News)

Courtney Stodden Is Naked (Sort Of)

By Lex May 30, 2013 @ 3:58 AM

In a not entirely unexpected stretch up the ladder toward porn, eighteen year old Courtney Stodden finally got naked for the cameras. Fully naked except for the pearls. Only, she kept her modesty by keeping her nipples and box from showing. It’s like watching one of those naughty European movies they cut for American TV. Why is Emmanuelle covering her tits with her hands? I know why Courtney is, she’s waiting for a bigger pay day.

Here’s 27 photos of Courtney Stodden without very many clothes on.

Photo credit: Coleman-Rayner/New Weekly Australia

Olivia Wilde In A Bikini

By Lex May 29, 2013 @ 5:53 PM

Olivia Wilde In A Bikini At The Beach In Maui
Fuck, Olivia Wilde is really good looking. I had to cut Jason Sudeikis out of the photos like a mad angry teen girl who just found out the dude she likes is more interested in her friend. I got out the big scissors and the angry red Magic Marker and even smoked some cloves with Three Days Grace on the iPod. I fully commit.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet, PCN

Jennifer Lopez Ass Angers Brits (VIDEO)

By Lex May 29, 2013 @ 5:18 PM

Nobody complained about the stupidly sexual lyrics, the lip-synching, or the cheap-ass set, but apparently everybody in Britain is up in arms over Jennifer Lopez flashing her crotch and ass cheeks in some rubbery Spanx like leotard on Britain’s Got Talent. The Brits are investigating to see if further action is required. This could include fining the television network, blocking the performance from ever being re-aired, or telling a bunch of self-righteous annoying old British twats to shut the fuck up.

Amanda Bynes Is An Online Troll

By Lex May 29, 2013 @ 4:06 PM

Amanda Bynes believes she’s putting on an act, only she has no idea what time the show’s ever, when it started, if there’s an intermission, and how to lock up the theater. She’s running lines in her head and she has no idea who’s writing them. Her latest target, drunky fun Twitter bitchy model Chrissy Teigen.

@chrissyteigen Ur not a pretty model compared to me. I signed to Ford models @ age 13. I don’t look up to u beauty wise. I’m far prettier than u! I’m offended that you’re saying I have a mental illness when I show no sign of it, but thankfully not one man that wants me wants you and you are an old ugly model compared to me! You look 45! You’re not pretty so I’m not intimidated by you! I think you’re jealous that you’re just an ugly model whos career is uninspiring! I don’t respect you! You’re no beauty queen! I’m a beauty queen!

Amanda did manage to tick off every single troll check-box in her post. Opinion as fact. Self-importance. Excessive use of exclamation points. Paranoia. Denial of paranoia. It’s all there. People will say that it would be entertaining if it wasn’t so sad. Those people just don’t understand how fucking entertaining tragedy is.

Jennifer Nicole Lee Bikini Malfunction

By Lex May 29, 2013 @ 3:05 PM

Jennifer Nicole Lee Has A Bikini Malfunction At The Beach In Miami
Yeah, the Miami fitness instructor Jennifer Nicole Lee is staging all her bikini malfunctions along the beach. But so what? I remember the first time a girl told me she faked it. I told her, Darling (that was actually her real name, Darling), the only crime you’ve committed is telling me the truth. Do men care how they achieve? They do not. If Jennifer Nicole Lee wants to flash her beaver on a crowded public beach to get attention, great. Girls who crave attention are the basis for most everything fun that ever happens in your life.

Photo Credit: Splash

Kelly Osbourne and Lady Gaga Get Ugly

By Lex May 29, 2013 @ 2:32 PM

If you’re a person who routinely Googles ‘ugly girl lame fights’ then you’re probably already know that Kelly Osbourne and Lady Gaga have been feuding the past year. I think it has something to do with whose face haunts the nightmares of more grade school children. The fugly girl fisticuffs simmered down recently, but, Kelly Osbourne takes a fresh shot at Lady Gaga in the new edition of Cosmo:

“I totally believed in everything she stood for, until I realized she’s a great big hypocrite.

You can say whatever you want with your millions of monsters. I know the truth. [Your] bells and whistles mean nothing to me. You’re feeding on the freaks and geeks to further your career?”

Tough talk for a girl who’s relied on her father’s fame, her drug addiction, and a medically unexplained seizure on-set to blaze her own trail. Expect Lady Gaga to respond to this latest bit of bitchery by producing a sharp-barbed lezzy song that sounds just like her last eleven.