wtf? Anne Hathaway is the new Catwoman

By brendon January 19, 2011 @ 4:01 PM

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Last week it was mentioned on here that Keira Knightley, Anne Hathaway and Jessica Biel were all reading for parts in the third Batman movie from Christopher Nolan, but no one was suggesting it was to play Catwoman, so suffice to say this is sort of a shock. Especially if you’re a nerd who is easily shocked.

Warner Bros. Pictures announced today that Anne Hathaway has been cast as Selina Kyle in Christopher Nolan’s “The Dark Knight Rises.” She will be starring alongside Christian Bale, who returns in the title role of Bruce Wayne/Batman.
Christopher Nolan stated, “I am thrilled to have the opportunity to work with Anne Hathaway, who will be a fantastic addition to our ensemble as we complete our story.”
In addition, Tom Hardy has been set to play Bane. Nolan said, “I am delighted to be working with Tom again and excited to watch him bring to life our new interpretation of one of Batman’s most formidable enemies.”

To be honest, that last part is even more surprising. If you dont know, Bane was sentenced to prison while still a boy, then experimented on with secret drugs that made him a super strong genius. Then some stuff happened, then some other stuff happened, then he found out Batmans true identity, went to his house and broke his back.

He essentially kills Batman.

What in hell? Is Nolan gonna kill Batman? That’s not rhetorical, answer me. Yes, you, answer the fucking question! (I can see you though your webcam, btw)

Christina Aguilera is a drunk

By brendon January 19, 2011 @ 1:57 PM

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Tina Yothers Christina Aguilera is not only fat and ugly these days, but she’s also a lush who crashes parties and passes out drunk in strangers beds too. I’m honestly surprised there’s not a part in this story where she pisses on herself.

Popping up uninvited at Jeremy Renner’s 40th birthday bash on January 8, Aguilera, 30, got “wasted” then lay down in the star’s bed, a source tells the new Us Weekly.
“Someone comes and tells me she’s in my room,” (Renner told friends). “I run up and open the door and I’m like, ‘Um, hi. What are you doing?’ She just starts slurring. Her boyfriend was rubbing her back. Who comes to someone’s birthday party that they don’t know and gets in their bed?! My parents were there!”
Adds another source, “Christina was a mess at that party. She acted like a fool. Her boyfriend was shushing her and telling her to go to sleep.”

It’s too bad that she’s not hot anymore, because then the answer to the question, “Who comes to someone’s birthday party that they don’t know and gets in their bed”, would have been, “That girl covered in my semen, that’s who.”

Charlie Sheen spent $26,000 on hookers in two days

By brendon January 19, 2011 @ 12:18 PM

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Charlie Sheen would actually be kind of cool if all you heard was the sex stuff with hookers and porn stars, because let’s not kid each other that sounds awesome, but unfortunately he’s also an unstable drug addict given to fits of violence and it’s only a matter of time before he kills someone.

Until then, it’s game on, and today Radar says that, during the same weekend in Vegas that he reportedly had an orgy with three porn stars, including Bree Olson (pictured above and below) and Sandra Bullock homewrecker Michelle McGee, he also found time to spend another 26 grand on three hookers.

A drugged-up Charlie Sheen spent $26,000 on three escorts from one Las Vegas agency during his infamous weekend bender in Las Vegas.
(And he) was so smitten with one hooker who goes by the pseudonym ‘Ginger’ that he paid her $10,000 for a four-hour sex romp.
Sheen, 45, showered two other escorts with $8,000 each in separate and earlier trysts.
“Ginger said Charlie was high on cocaine when she got to the room and continued to do drugs in front of her,” the source told RadarOnline.com.
“He was totally out of it and clearly had been partying all night long.”

If the government really wants to stop people from doing cocaine, they should probably black out all the media stories that make it sound like so much fun.

morning headlines

By brendon January 19, 2011 @ 10:39 AM

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MIRANDA KERR – posted the first picture of her son Flynn, presumably taken by her husband Orlando Bloom, and as you can see it was while he was sucking on one of her perky little tits. Which means he’s 2 weeks old and his life has probably peaked. (kora organics)

BRUCE WILLIS – was a pain in the ass to work with on Cop Out, according to director Kevin Smith. “I had no fucking help from this dude whatsoever.” And yet that movie totally worked, on every level, a modern masterpiece. The creative process sure is a mystery. (filmdrunk)

HALLE BERRY – is supposedly on good terms with her ex Gabriel Aubry, who is also the father of her 2yo daughter, but yesterday he filed for custody, setting up a potential tug-of-war with their child. Not a literal tug-of-war with their child of course, though that would be way more exciting. (e!)

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER – is ready to return to acting, perhaps playing a Nazi commander who refuses to execute POW’s at the end of WWII in With Wings As Eagles. Or perhaps playing something else, in a different movie. What am I, psychic? (fox)

RICKY GERVAIS – will not be hosting the Golden Globes again next year, saying he feels twice is enough. Which is how I now feel about watching the Golden Globes. (yahoo)

January Jones? Really?

By brendon January 18, 2011 @ 8:14 PM

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Yay. Another generic blond white girl. I must be in heaven.

Look, if January Jones is gonna be a big deal, I guess I’ll play along, but… really? Really, people like this?

I feel like, if people were all made in a factory, this is what the blanks for a girl would look like. And it would be some angels job or something to add or color stuff to make her interesting. Like, make her a brunette, or tan, or give her an accent or big tits, or best of all just make her Asian with big tits, but for some reason they sent her down without doing that, and now we got this. I feel like I’m staring at a blank gray wall, who can drive, out shopping for new pants.

Alicia Silverstone has a glow about her now

By brendon January 18, 2011 @ 5:53 PM

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If all you knew was that Alicia Silverstone was back in the news last week to announce her body was in the process of changing, and then you saw these pictures of her yesterday in Silver Lake, would you guess “pregnant” or “sex change”?

Circle your answer on the monitor. If you get it right, you’ll hear a little bell.

BREAKING NEWS: Jennifer Aniston is complaining again

By brendon January 18, 2011 @ 2:21 PM

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When Friends first went on the air, Jennifer Aniston looked like that (full pic here). And no one cared about her. Because she was ugly, and the least talented of the three female leads, by far.

Then she got that famous haircut, “The Rachel”, and it swept the country and everyone loved it and she was a star and the center of attention and suddenly people were saying she was pretty and she was dating Brad Pitt. That haircut literally changed her life, for the better, overnight.

OK, now try and guess if she’s grateful.

“Have there been disasters? I think that’s a very relative term with hair. Let’s say there have been moments I’d rather not relive, like that whole Rachel thing,” she tells Allure of the ‘Friends’ ‘do that started it all.
“I love Chris [McMillan, her hairstylist], and he’s the bane of my existence at the same time because he started that damn Rachel, which was not my best look. How do I say this? I think it was the ugliest haircut I’ve ever seen. What I really want to know is, how did that thing have legs? Let’s just say I’m not a fan of short, layered cuts on me personally, so I don’t love revisiting that particular era,” she adds.

God I hate this bitch. In a figurative sense, her pissy attitude casts an ugly shadow over everything she does. In a literal sense, it’s her chin that does that.

(NOTE: if you run an image search on “the rachel haircut”, you get an old picture of Rachel Nichols and her big boobs in a bikini, so here they are so Aniston will stop fuggin up my sexy website)

Brooklyn Decker is a good model

By brendon January 18, 2011 @ 1:08 PM

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Brooklyn Decker is on the cover of the new Esquire, but even better she’s inside the new Esquire in a see thru shirt. Normally I think blond white girls are kind of generic and boring but I like Brooklyn because she doesn’t seem to mind when you stare at her tits. I really appreciate that, it really means a lot to me.