Most college wrestlers consider themselves lucky if they don’t catch a deeply humiliating case of The Herp from rolling around intimately with sweaty competitors. That shit has happened before. But Matt McDonough of the crazy-ass University of Iowa wrestling program kicked up his name recognition by tossing his second place medal in the garbage after coming in second at the Big 10 Wrestling championships. As a guy who never medaled in any college sport besides power hot boxing in a bitterly used Honda Civic, this garbage move seems kind of bitch. Or maybe it’s Vision Quest bad-ass. Guess it depends on how much you like your athletes to be total dicks in pursuit of perfection.
In any and all cases, I’d really just prefer to see girls wrestling. Like Stacy Keibler and Torrie Wilson, before they got ruined by George Clooney and Alex Rodriguez, respectively, or maybe together, who knows.
If this were a fill in the blanket contest and you heard, ‘Kim Kardashian just got sprayed in the face with _________’, the word ‘blood’ probably wouldn’t come to mind. It came up number seven on my own list, well after jizz, Khloe shat, kumquat juice, AstroGlide, small foreign coins, and Kanye punches. Still, it happened. Because in a desperate attempt to cover up the fact that the Kim Death Star is now nearly the size of a celestial object, Kim shot her face up with fatty blood from her arm. It’s some new 90210 procedure meant to get rid of wrinkles in your face.
You know what else gets rid of wrinkles in your face? Not being a money-sucking merchandise whore bearing the bastard baby of a demented fashion-rapper. Hindsight is 20-20. So onto the bloody injections.
How do you know when a celebrity is lying? When they quit Twitter because they’re sick of all the untruths. Kind of like discovering gambling in Casablanca. Just last week the spastic Miley Cyrus hunched over her MacBook Air and tweeted out that she was leaving social media because of all the unfounded rumors about her breaking up with that Hemsworth brother who is not Thor. Well, it looks like it’s true.
Why do we care? Rebound sex. Miley is going to have a ton of it. She’s going to bang so hard her back might straighten out. And that’s something every man within her radius ought to note. Because outside of daddy-hate, broken-hearted-rebound-sex is the easiest, craziest times on the planet.
Female butt cheeks don’t get the attention they deserve. By any man’s calculations, they fall into the Top 5 of important parts, but only the discerning gentleman knows that ass belongs at the top of the list. Mother Nature molded them specifically for procreation. You know what else was molded specifically for procreation? That’s right.
My anaconda don’t want none
Unless you’ve got buns, hun
The model Claudia Romani has some. And she showed them off in Miami Beach. You just have to admire the fact she went outside knowing her cheeks were showing. I admire it. And now I want to procreate.
File this under stuff you weren’t sure there was a rule for, but I guess it makes sense.
Ronaldo Balkman formerly of the Knicks and Nuggets has found his way down to the Philippine Basketball Association. That right there ought to tell you something. That’s worse than being traded to Cleveland, though close. I guess Ronaldo had some bad lumpia or got sick of being a foot taller than every other dude in the country and just went ballistic on the refs and eventually his own teammates. He wrapped his big ass fingers around the neck of one of them. I’m not a pussy about heavy contact in sports, but unless you got a safe word, strangling seems pretty felonious. So, the PBA today booted Balkman out of the league. But just for forever. So he can return after forever. Next stop, Peruvian Basketball Association. He can even keep the PBA hoodie.
People who say Halle Berry is just OK are both blind, and probably racist too. Not that there’s anything wrong with being blind. Halle Berry is 46-damn years old and I’d dare you to name another woman her age whose big knockers you’d like to knock back with your face as much as hers? I’d have to agree that the short haircut nonsense raging through Hollywood is a bit of a boner killer. If I wanted to be with girls with short hair and toned physiques, I’d be with boys. But there’s no denying, no rational denying, that you’d throw your best buddy out of your house if he got in the way of you and ten minutes alone with Halle Berry. And you’d shoot that same buddy between the eyes if Halle told you it was a pre-condition to banging her brains out.
I don’t know if its because I’m possibly gay or because I’m definitely incredibly racist but Halle Berry does absolutely nothing for me. That’s why it shocks me to hear people talking about her appearance on Leno last night. Mostly because I didn’t know people still watched Leno and like every other guy on the planet I take it as a personal insult that she still cuts her hair short. Proving once again no one can pull this look off and that Halle Berry is still a mean, conniving wench who wouldn’t have sex with me that one time. Burn. Mission accomplished. Consider your career ruined Halle!
Back in January, Britney Spears broke off her engagement to Jason Trawick, the only guy who ever kept her within the zone of relative sanity. Now that that’s over, she might be dating this new guy in these photos. And everyone in the romance media is basing that off nothing more than a single appearance together outside of a tanning salon. Taking into account all the facts I’m inclined to believe that Spears has finally found the one to go the long haul with. There’s just something about the way she allows him to walk at least ten paces behind her at all times, doesn’t even glance in his direction, and generally doesn’t even look like she wants to be seen with him that says ‘mad love’. They’re either dating or he’s the ballsiest stalker she’s ever had. Either way, she’s complete again.