Mary-Kate Olsen is a dark immortal

By brendon May 08, 2012 @ 4:11 PM

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No one seems to be interacting with her, so does anyone else see Mary-Kate Olsen in these pictures at the Met gala last night? Are they blank to everyone but me? Am I supposed to go there and try to help her with something, does she need closure, was there some kind of foul play? I’m really freaked out right now and I don’t know what to do.

(image source = getty)

Kristen Stewart really went all out

By brendon May 08, 2012 @ 2:40 PM

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My plan was to make a .gif of Kristen Stewart at the Metropolitan Museum of Arts annual ball in New York last night, to show the way she looks and moves in real life, to capture the sparkle in her eyes and the radiant glow in her complexion.

And so I did. That’s it up there under the headline. It’s 4 minutes long.

(image source of kristen at the 2012 met gala ball = getty)

Beyonce wore this “sexy” see-thru dress

By brendon May 08, 2012 @ 2:30 PM

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Beyonce wore this see-thru dress to the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s annual ball in New York last night, though it was actually just a normal black dress until she put it on and then her ass stretched the material too thin.

(image source of beyonce at the met gala bala last night in new york = getty)

Kirsten Dunst is an unsurpassed beauty

By brendon May 08, 2012 @ 1:59 PM

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Remember a few years ago, around when they made the first ‘Spiderman’ movie, when Hollywood kept forcing Kirsten Dunst on us and trying to convince us she was sexy? What the fuck was that all about?

(image source of snaggletooth at the met gala last night in new york = getty)

John Travolta “lumbered to his feet (his) erect penis bouncing around with his stride.”

By brendon May 08, 2012 @ 12:35 PM

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The lawsuit filed yesterday by an unnamed male masseuse against John Travolta for sexual battery is full of gag-reflex testing details like in the headline, and that’s just a prelude to things like Travoltas opinion on the taste of cum and whether or not the masseuse would experience “the best fucking of his life” (spoiler alert: according to Travolta, yes).

Here’s a few, um, “highlights”?

- “(Travolta) lumbered to his feet and began to move towards Plaintiff with erect penis bouncing around with his stride.”
- “(Travolta) began screaming at Plantiff, telling Plantiff how selfish he was, that (Travolta) got where he is now due to sexual favors he had performed when he was in his ‘Welcome Back Kotter’ days; and that Hollywood is controlled by homosexual Jewish men who expect favors in return for sexual activity.”
- (He said) he had done things in his past that would make most people throw up.
- When he started he wasn’t even gay and that the taste of ‘cum’ would make him gag.
- He was smart enough to learn to enjoy it, and when he began to make millions of dollars, that it all became worth it.

I don’t mean to be a Monday morning quarterback, but telling a guy that he’ll probably find gay sex repulsive and it’s only worth it if it makes you famous and pays millions of dollars, is maybe not the best way to convince a guy to anonymously blow you for a few hundred.

Mila Kunis saved a guys life (not really but whatever)

By brendon May 08, 2012 @ 11:15 AM

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Mila Kunis rushed to help a man who worked in her house after he suffered a violent seizure according to TMZ, who still … have no idea … how to use an ellipses or — em dash.

a 50-year-old man — who works in Mila’s house — collapsed Saturday in her L.A. home.  He suffered a violent seizure … choking, coughing up blood and vomiting.  He had bitten through his tongue.
We’re told the 28-year-old actress grabbed the man’s head … turned it to the side so he wouldn’t choke … while another person stuffed a wallet in his mouth so he wouldn’t swallow his tongue. 
(Paramedics) arrived on scene, rushed the man to the hospital, and he’s since made a full recovery. We’re told Mila volunteered to ride in the ambulance, but it wasn’t necessary.

Mila Kunis is awesome and an excellent role model for every aspiring actress, but the “wallet in the mouth” is totally not a real thing, if you didn’t know. But at least she was trying to help and had the best of intentions.

If this had been about Lindsay, it would have started the same, with her racing over and grabbing his wallet, but ended with her saying that dead guy is a crazy liar, and that she was home watching TV the whole time, and she has no idea who rolled him down the hill.

John Travolta sued for “lurid sexual advances” towards a male masseuse

By brendon May 07, 2012 @ 5:47 PM

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John Travolta is being sued for a $2 million by a male masseuse who says Travolta tried to have sex with him, and when that didn’t work tried to feel the guys penis and masturbated in front of him. What a sexy story this is. The Daily Mail says:

The lawsuit includes explicit details of the alleged encounter which is said to have occurred after the actor responded anonymously to an online ad for $200 an hour appointment. 
The masseur claims he was instructed to meet with the actor in a black Lexus SUV.
Travolta, who allegedly had Trojan condoms in the console of the car, is then said to have driven to the Beverly Hills Hotel and entered Travolta’s bungalow.
The suit claims Travolta stripped naked and appeared aroused (then) began rubbing the masseur’s leg an hour into the session, then touched his scrotum and his penis.
The masseur claims when he told Travolta he did not have sex with clients, the actor offered to do a ‘reverse massage.’
The suit claims Travolta then masturbated.

Oh so it turns out Travolta didn’t even harass the guy about it, he just took care of things himself and politely masturbated, like a perfect gentleman.

Interview magazine interviews ‘Spring Breakers’

By brendon May 07, 2012 @ 5:07 PM

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Interview magazine is all about “conversations between some of the most creative minds from the worlds of fashion, art and entertainment”, but apparently no one gives a shit about that snooty nonsense because the May issue has the movie ‘Spring Breakers’ and pictures of Vanessa Hudgens and Selena Gomez handcuffed in bikinis. Personally I’m devastated because I was hoping this issue would tell me what Kathy Griffin thinks about Vera Wang. Now I fear I may never know!