Alec Baldwin Ass Rapes Paparazzo So He’ll Never Forget

By Jack August 27, 2013 @ 3:07 PM

Alec Baldwin and his fucked up Irish temper struck again when he allegedly attacked a photographer on the streets of New York. And, by ‘allegedly’ I mean he pinned the paparazzo against a car. Supposedly, the pap was taking pictures of Jack Donaghy and his yoga instructor wife Hilaria, when Baldwin flipped the fuck out…again. There were a lot of witnesses, because the streets of New York are full of witnesses. There are nearly 10 million people here for Stephen Baldwin’s sake. His buddies claim the photog started it while everyone else says Baldwin attacked. Witnesses say Hilaria ducked into a tea store. A friend said, “What kind of sick twisted psychopath chases a woman who just got out of the hospital from having a baby into a tea store?” A good point, but I totally think Baldwin started it. Why? Because he’s an angry street dick and I should know.

That’s right. I was driving in Greenwich village a few months ago minding my own business down 12th street when an old man literally jumped in front of my car. Even though I had the right-of-way, he got red in the face and started pounding on my car, hard. It was then that I recognized Angry Baldwin. He told me to go fuck myself and Hilaria had to pull him away. Not exactly like having your car surrounded by Taliban forces in Kabul, but still pretty freaky even for New York. Does this auto-assault prove that Baldwin attacked the photog? No. But it does show  that he’s a man who would attack a crappy used car. Sure, half the world wants to key a brand new shiny Beemer, but only rage disturbed. homeless people bang on crappy used cars.

Not that it’s related, but here’s Alec bringing his cute little new daughter home from the hospital. I hope she came with a a front fender that can be banged out if dented.

Photo Credit:

See If You Can Find the Crack Binging Proof in the Lamar Odom Allegations (VIDEO)

By Lex August 27, 2013 @ 1:49 PM

Can you find any sourcing in this TMZ piece leveling all kinds of allegations about Lamar Odom? It seems so obviously just a repeat of shit from Kris Jenner in this Lamar Odom is a disappeared crack addict story. Khloe is a saint, she’s trying to help Lamar, whose lost in a cloud of crack, that’s why he’s locked himself in motel rooms banging whores. It has nothing to do with the sound of his wife’s shrieking voice penetrating his ear drums like the Ceti eel crawling into Chekov’s brain.

But, wait, TMZ is now backing into building a drug case against Lamar. Hotel employees found burn marks in his hotel room carpet!

We’re told that during at least part of the time he was playing for the Mavs, Lamar was smoking Oxycontin and cocaine.

‘We’re told’, ‘we learned. Passive tense with no sourcing. Jesus, I don’t even like Lamar Odom, but I hope that fucker is running as fast and as far away from Calabasas as humanly possible.

Lady Gaga Steps Out In Sheer Outfit And Bra

By Lex August 27, 2013 @ 1:25 PM

Laday Gaga Wears A Sheer Bra As She Leaves Her Apartment In New York
The thing about Lady Gaga is I can’t remember if I turn to stone if I look into her eyes or she looks into my eyes. Either way it’s best to only view her through the reflection of your shiny shield.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet, PCN

Serena Williams Is Holy Crap

By Lex August 27, 2013 @ 12:31 PM

Serena Williams Playing On The First Day Of The US Open In New York
Fresh out of the Jaeger factory in Hong Kong island sector, Serena Williams looks pretty fucking ready to not only win the U.S. Open, but tear the heads off of her opponents, rampage through the stands at Flushing Meadows, and ultimately make her way atop the Empire State Building to be shot down by kids from unpronounceable Asian nations with smuggled BB guns stationed on the observation deck. I might be reading into it too much, but I just shit my pants looking at her quads.

Photo Credit: Getty, PCN

I Missed International Go Topless Day Again

By Lex August 27, 2013 @ 11:18 AM

Women Protest For International Go Topless Day 2013 At Venice Beach
I can respect a bunch of dowdy feminists with flap jacky tits protesting the right to go topless on Venice Beach just like the dudes do. I just can’t admire people who half-ass their shit. We’ve seen the angry Ukranian feminists. They cover their boobs in nothing but smeared crayon messages taken straight from their old socialist university textbooks. They’re not hiding behind pasties like these non-committing titty rights supporters. We got unattractive nude British people protesting something stupid about bike riding. Then some of them moved on to pretend to be naked cats at the zoo for another protest. Yeah, even less attractive women should be allowed to suntan their jugs at the beach. But, righteous American feminists, lose the pasties. Go big or go home to dad and yell at his ass about something.

Photo Credit: Splash

Of Course Miley Cyrus Is Pleased With Herself

By Travis August 27, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

While everyone from Will and Jaden Smith to your 97-year old grandmother was making fun of Miley Cyrus’ ridiculously stupid and hilariously unsexy performance at the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday night, the singer was bragging about Rolling Stone praising her effort and posting pictures of her D-minus ass on Twitter yesterday. The above image had Miley wearing some sort of Michael Jordan tribute, and I assume that she’s squatting because she’s about to take a dump on a backup dancer’s chest.

Miley also boasted that more people Tweeted about her showing off her teenage boy body than about the Super Bowl, and that’s probably because the Super Bowl wasn’t turning half of the men in America gay.

Cristy Rice In A Bikini

By Lex August 27, 2013 @ 10:18 AM

Cristy Rice In A Bikini On The Beach In Miami
I can now state with certainty that Cristy Rice is a Miami Heat fan. I can’t state with any knowledge who the fuck Cristy Rice is. I bet her publicist is going to be pissed about that, but thanks for the photos just the same.

Brenda Song Is The Perfect Birthday Guest

By Travis August 27, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Brenda Song is an actress or a singer or reality star or dentist or something like that, and I don’t really care what she actually does for people to consider her famous, because she’s a tiny, attractive Asian girl with the most perfectly proportionate natural tits, which is like a leprechaun or unicorn these days. In fact, the only real con weighing against Brenda is the fact that she’s dating Miley Cyrus’ magnificent douchebag of a brother, Trace, but life has a tendency to balance things out, so it’s only a matter of time before he’s killed in a drive-by gang shooting inspired by his sister’s twerking bullshit.

Anyway, Brenda went to a birthday party on Sunday dressed like a stripper picking up her dry cleaning, and I hope she had fun.

(Photo Credits: