Britney started work on ‘the X Factor’ today

By brendon May 24, 2012 @ 4:35 PM

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Britney Spears arrived in Austin, Texas, this afternoon to judge the first round of auditions for ‘the X Factor’, and assuming that’s actually where they are, things are off to a good start. Even her toughest critic would have to admit that she can, in fact, stand in front of a banner and smile when told to.

(image source = splash)

Gwen Stefani is better than other moms

By brendon May 24, 2012 @ 2:59 PM

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For most people, these would be the best pictures they would ever take in their lives, yet for Gwen Stefani it was just Wednesday. She just looks cool and sexy all the time, even while running simple errands. I wish I could make everything look as effortless as she does. Like this Gavin Rossdale suicide note I’ve been forging, for example. It’s already been like two god damn weeks and I don’t think it’s any better now than when I started!

(image source = inf, wenn)

Nicole Kidman pee’d on Zac Efrons face and chest

By brendon May 24, 2012 @ 2:33 PM

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Nicole Kidman plays a white trash slut so well in ‘the Paperboy’ that they might as well have called it ‘the Dina Lohan Story’, especially since they’ll both be remembered for the awful thing that came out of their vaginas.

As the Huffingtom Post says…

“The Paperboy” debuted at the Cannes Film Festival on Thursday, and Lee Daniels’ “Precious” follow-up provided attendees with the chance to watch Nicole Kidman urinate on Zac Efron.
“This is a movie that often seems to be missing important transitional scenes or specific inserts,” wrote Vulture’s Kyle Buchanan, “but you had better believe that when Nicole Kidman pees on Zac Efron, that camera is there.”
The “golden shower” happens in a non-sexual context: Efron’s character gets stung by a jellyfish while in the ocean.

The good news is that having an Academy Award winner pee on Zac Efron is an excellent way to get your movie noticed. The bad news is that Kim Kardashian has labeled him a selfish lover for not reciprocating.

Kelly Brook wore a see though swimsuit

By brendon May 23, 2012 @ 8:28 PM

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Another good idea would be to take pictures of Kelly in a bikini made of cling wrap, or my semen, or to just cover my ears and babble really loudly while Kelly insists I never gave her a bikini and she’s actually naked.

(image source of kelly today in cannes = bauer griffin)

John Travolta goes to interesting parties

By brendon May 23, 2012 @ 7:21 PM

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The Enquirer published pictures today that were reportedly taken at a party in 1997, showing John Travolta wearing a dress and a fur stole, with earrings, a necklace, a bra (wait what), and even full makeup including eyeliner and a soft pink lipstick that really pulls the outfit together.

They go on to say that the recent allegations by men claiming Travolta propositioned them for sex (it’s up to 8 now, with the New York Daily News reporting one accuser was offered $125,000 to keep quiet) have finally pushed Kelly Preston to the breaking point and her marriage to Travolta is over.

A ‘friend’ of the actress’ says: ‘Kelly told me their marriage is over and made it clear that she’s no longer living in the family home.
‘She’s put up with John’s double life for decades while his behavior remained in the shadows.
‘But all this coming out in public has humiliated her. Kelly is absolutely destroyed.’

So despite what you may have heard about women wanting their husbands to sneak around and nail strange men in the ass, Kelly Preston has put her foot down. 20 years later. Because it went public.

Kelly Preston has weird boundaries.

Audrina Patridge is in a bikini too

By brendon May 23, 2012 @ 4:41 PM

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Reality TV star Audrina Patridge looked stunning in a orange bikini as she chilled out on the beach in Mexico today. Those are the photo agencies words, not mine. She’s an 8, at best, and if she was any kind of a “star” than I wouldn’t have called her “Partridge” for two years.

(image source = splash)

Kelly Brook has been busy at Cannes

By brendon May 23, 2012 @ 4:40 PM

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Kelly Brook really made the most of her time in Cannes yesterday. She started with the photo shoot in the phone booth (there are finally more pictures from that), then got on a boat in the same outfit, then changed into a gold dress for another shoot last night, then went to a party on Diddys yacht wearing just a long white coat and a black corset.

She’s obviously thicker now than she used to be but that’s ok because she’s still beautiful and still a 32E. Girls don’t have to be skinny when their tits hang like this. Maybe there’s a girl somewhere who’s the exception to this rule, but I have no idea who it is, and I can’t go around all day trying to determine if fictional girls are sexy or not.

Cheryl Cole might replace Jennifer Lopez on American Idol

By brendon May 23, 2012 @ 3:53 PM

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It was just 12 months ago that the fantastic looking Cheryl Cole was all set to be a judge on ‘the X Factor’, and she was for a few episodes until Simon Cowell replaced her with Nicole Scherzinger.

But now the New York Post says she’s been approached about being a judge on ‘American Idol’, which is even bigger than ‘the X Factor’, so you can go fuck yourself Simon.

(Producers) reached out to Cole on Monday to see if she’d be interested — either alongside Jennifer Lopez or as a replacement if J.Lo jumps ship.
Whether 28-year old Cole can be a big enough draw will be a question for Madison Avenue as it considers ponying up again for the ad slots.

What’s wrong with Kelly Clarkson? Why doesn’t anyone ever suggest her as a judge? Or Carrie Underwood? Wouldn’t fans of the show like that, and wouldn’t it attract advertisers? But whatever, don’t listen to me I guess. There are heroes in our midst, all around us everyday, if only people would take the time to look.

(more of the headline pic here, image source of cheryl shooting a video in la last month = fame/flynet, at cannes earlier this week = fame/flynet, at the ‘what to expect’ premiere in london last night = wenn, getty)