Kim Kardashian took pictures at the Marine Corps Ball, then left

By brendon November 16, 2012 @ 6:36 PM

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Some people were impressed when Kim Kardashian agreed to go with Sgt. Martin Gardner as his date to the 10th annual Marine Corps Ball in North Carolina last night, but those people are idiots because (unlike when Mila Kunis went) it was a completely selfish act for publicity. Kim only went to have pictures taken. According to the photo agency, these pictures were taken at 7:01, and she was gone by 9:04.

Even Justin Timberlake managed to do this right and he’s a complete douche. Not only that but Kim didn’t even tell the guy she was leaving, she just went to the bathroom and crawled out the window. If I were that guy Kanye would be getting some stubby Armenian fingers in the mail right now.

Kristen Stewart was sexy, still boring

By brendon November 15, 2012 @ 6:51 PM

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Do you have any idea how dull a girl has to be to wear an outfit that is skin tight AND see-through, and still be boring? Well you do now because Kristen Stewart did it last night at the London premiere of ‘Twilight: I Thought We Were Done With These’.

It didn’t help that she immediately went from “sexy movie star” right back to “schlumpy stoner”. I’ve never seen someone so attractive be so unsexy. Robert Pattinson is either blind or wears a strap-on.

(image source = getty, fame/flynet)

Taylor Swift has truly worthless dating advice in Seventeen

By brendon November 15, 2012 @ 5:24 PM

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Someone at Seventeen magazine saw Taylor Swift, who is 22 and a terrible girlfriend but acts like she’s 16 and a wonderful girlfriend, and thought she’d be a great choice to give dating advice to high school girls. It was not a great choice, and the result was predictably awful.

For example, her thoughts on what a girl should do if a guy only sees her as a friend:

“Don’t chance ruining your friendship by chasing him before he’s ready. You just have to wait for him to turn it into something more, if and when he wants to.”

Holy shit that is terrible fucking advice. Unless the reader is a fucking ghost trapped in her high school forever, screw that, just ask the guy out. In two years she’ll have moved away and have all new friends, she sure as fuck won’t be hanging out with any of her old guy friends, so just put on some slutty clothes and be aggressive.

Come to think of it that’s actually pretty good advice for girls in general.

(source = fox. image source = inf)

Channing Tatum is apparently very handsome

By brendon November 14, 2012 @ 2:07 PM

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People magazine announced today that Channing Tatum is this years Sexiest Man Alive, then later added, “no, seriously. His perpetually dumbfounded face is hot.” And if you were under the impression that Channing Tatum is kinda dumb, they included a delightful story to confirm that.

“My first thought was, ‘Y’all are messing with me,’” says Tatum, who married actress Jenna Dewan-Tatum in 2009. “I told Jenna after we’d been in the bathtub washing our dogs because they’d gotten skunked.”
“She was like, ‘What?’”
“Yeah, she calls me [the Sexiest Man Alive] now,” he adds.

Holy shit. How boring was the rest of the interview if People printed that? Even for an actor, Channing Tatum seems dumb. They could have talked to that gorilla that knows sign language and gotten better quotes.

Matthew McConaughey is doing great

By brendon November 13, 2012 @ 1:25 PM

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The good news for Anthiony Cumia is that he looks like Matthew McConaughey now. The bad news is that it’s because Matthew McConaughey looks like Ground Zero for the AIDS epidemic.

But here he is in New Orleans filming ‘The Dallas Buyers Club’, and that mustache really makes him look like a paranoid scumbag. Like like he’d tell you Jews have a dewclaw that can poison you, just like a platypus.

(image source = pacific coast)

Miley is lonely, prerhaps gay

By brendon November 12, 2012 @ 10:23 PM

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Because every single thought that passes through her head needs to be tweeted, Miley Cyrus went on her twitter yesterday and said simply, “In need of girlfriends.” And then she wrote, “To be my fuck slave.”

No, actually, that last part isn’t true. It would have been awesome though.

(image source of miley voting last week = pacific coast)

Mark Wahlberg is officially in Transformers 4 now

By brendon November 09, 2012 @ 6:16 PM

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We know of course that earth will be attacked by outer space robots at least one more time, but what we haven’t known until today is what human will stand there reacting while a different set of outer space robots, the ones with less growly voices, defend us. But now we do, thanks to Michael Bay and his official blog, though “thanks” really does not seem to be the right word.

After an exceptionally successful collaboration on the upcoming “Pain and Gain,” Michael Bay has cast Academy Award®-nominee Mark Wahlberg in the highly anticipated “TRANSFORMERS 4.” The film will hit theaters June 27th, 2014.
“Mark is awesome. We had a blast working on “Pain and Gain” and I’m so fired up to be back working with him. An actor of his caliber is the perfect guy to re-invigorate the franchise and carry on the Transformers’ legacy,” said Bay.

And even better guy to re-invigorate the franchise would be the kid at the movie theater, who instead of giving you a ticket to Transformers 4, gives you a ticket to a different, better movie.

naturally, Lindsay is skipping her Barbara Walters interview

By brendon November 09, 2012 @ 4:08 PM

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To recap: Lindsay Lohan was banned from Chateau Marmont back in August because she owed them $46,000. She claimed the producers of her not-at-all anticipated ‘Liz and Dick’ movie were supposed to pay it, which was a lie, but they did agree to cover the bill if Lindsay would do an interview with Barbara Walters to promote the movie.

The interview was supposed to air next Friday, a week before the movie premiers on November 25th. This was all set up a month ago. All Lindsay has to do now is follow through on her word. Which can only mean one thing….

“She’s not doing the interview,” a source at Lifetime Television told the Daily News, referring follow-up questions to ABC News and Lohan’s new publicist at Rogers & Cowan.
The deal fell apart when producers made it clear Walters planned to ask about Lohan’s tumultuous personal life.

That’s really surprising, because the interesting thing about Lindsay is her basic cable movie, not her 7 year crime spree. That picture of Hitler feeding baby deer represents the kind of interview Lindsay wants. She wants someone to say, “hey Hitler, I hear you like feeding baby deer, that’s really interesting. I have no question.”