its Jessica Simpsons Weight Watchers commercial

By brendon September 10, 2012 @ 6:44 PM

Jessica Simpsons Weight Watchers commercial premiered today, and I can’t tell if it’s for a diet or a whitening toothpaste. Because her teeth look terrific, but she’s big as a house and you can tell even though they only show her from the neck up. YOU’RE NOT FOOLIN ME, BIG ASS! They should just create a toothpaste named White Watchers and pretend this was for that.

(image source of jessica in new york today = fame/flynet)

don’t worry about Leonardo DiCaprio

By brendon September 10, 2012 @ 4:14 PM

erin_heatherton_bikini_miami_victorias_secret

You might think that Leonardo DiCaprio would be upset today after hearing that Blake Lively (his ex-girlfriend) married Ryan Reynolds this weekend. But here’s DiCaprios current girlfriend, Erin Heatherton, shooting for Victorias Secret today in Miami. He might think this is Blake Lively. Or he probably doesn’t even remember that he dated Blake Lively. It would be like asking your dog about a shoe he ate last year.

(image source = fame/flynet)

Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively got married

By brendon September 10, 2012 @ 2:54 PM

11643

Ryan Reynolds starting dating Scarlett Johansson in April of 2007 and they secretly got married in September of 2008. That marriage lasted a little more than 2 years, and if you think the problem was that he dated her too long, than you and Ryan Reynolds agree, because he secretly married Blake Lively this weekend in South Carolina, after dating her for just 11 months.

Hopefully this marriage sticks because he’s maybe two divorces from going to a chruch in a tux and picking up girls as the walk down the aisle to marry someone else. And he’s rich and handsome and charming and does crunches like 50 fucking hours a day. If you have a hot girlfriend, he’s like seeing a big shark while your boat is sinking; you just hope he goes after someone else.

Lindsay wants tax cuts for people mislabeled by Forbes

By brendon September 07, 2012 @ 4:05 PM

lindsays_tweet_to_obama_about_taxes

Lindsay Lohan was speaking for all of us last night when she stood up to those fat cats in DC and let them know that tax cuts for the middle class are not enough, we also needs tax cuts for people who are mistakingly listed as a millionaire in magazines. If we’re ever gonna get America working again, we need to lift the tax burden on those one or two people who might exist!

And that was the second tweet in three days prompted by the voices in Lindsays head, because she also wants Tom Cruise to know she was not involved in the Vanity Fair story about Scientology trying to find a wife for him.

“I just want everyone & @TomCruise to know, that I have/had NO part in the VF story.. Nor has anyone in my life, personal and work related.”

So that clears that up. You might have thought it was already clear because Lindsay was never mentioned in that story, in any way, and there have been no rumors or reports that she had anything to do with it, but now it’s double clear.

No word yet on if she’ll be on the mound for the Orioles tonight or if she’s a copy of the iPhone, but those are also popular stories I’ve heard about, and she hasn’t denied it so naturally I assume she’s involved.

Miley and Pink looked really sexy last night

By brendon September 07, 2012 @ 1:54 PM

miley_pink

Miley Cyrus and Pink both showed off their daring sense of style and originality at the VMA’s last night, and the result was me having to give an image credit to a zoo.

At least Pink always does stuff like this. Miley just looks desperate, as if we’re gonna forget that she’s only famous because of her Disney show, which she only got because her dad had a very popular song in 1992. Road construction barricades in a Jason Statham movie have a more promising Hollywood career than Miley.

(image source = getty, san diego zoo)

Rihanna hugged and kissed Chris Brown at the VMAs

By brendon September 07, 2012 @ 12:06 PM

Rihanna really is a moron who deserves every mean thing a boyfriend will ever do to her, because when she went on stage at the MTV VMA’s last night, Chris Brown hopped right up and they gave each other a little hug and kiss.

Keep in mind that the last time they were this close at an awards show, he was getting texts from another girl and then beat Rihanna when she found out. Most girls would still be mad just about the texts. And if they were beaten like Rihanna was, the only way they’d speak to you is to tell you what field they threw your penis in after cutting it off in your sleep.

(image source = getty)

James Francos NYU professor suing him for defamation

By brendon September 06, 2012 @ 5:43 PM

1287439

James Franco got a masters degree in filmmaking from NYU last May, and is even expected to teach a class on directing short films at NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts this fall, which is surprising because he skipped 12 of his 14 classes on directing and received a “D”. Then he publicly said that professor sucked, right before that professor got fired. Which is why he’s now suing.

José Angel Santana, who has already sued NYU, blasted Franco for making “disparaging and inaccurate public statements.”
“I didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of those falsehoods,” said Santana, who has been a teacher since 1979.
“I was outraged that someone with his attendance record at NYU had the audacity to make those statements.”

Whatever dude. Your class is stupid, directors don’t even do anything. The producers hire everyone, the writers write everything, the director of photography films everything, and the editor turns it all into a story. Being a director is like being a coach in the NBA. “Ohh, hey, Lebron, um, go jump higher than those other guys. Ok, good, now, dunk the ball. Oh yea, he did it, my plan is working!”

(image source of franco at the venice film festival yesterday with rachel korine, vanessa hudgens, selena gomez and ashley benson = getty)

Shakira is being blackmailed over a sex tape

By brendon September 06, 2012 @ 2:37 PM

93316222

News reports from Spain and Mexico say Shaikira was filmed having sex on a yacht with her boyfriend, soccer star Gerard Piqué, by someone who worked for her and is now using it to blackmail her. An agent in Barcelona who saw the tape says…

“The video lasts about 15 minutes….it’s filmed with a cell phone, which I guess, belonged to Shakira’s employee who was at the helm of the boat that night. The images are not steady and it’s out of focus.”

So it’s shaky, blurry, and probably dark. How do we even know it’s her? Even if he says her name it won’t prove anything. If you watched my sex tapes you’d think my girlfriend was having sex with Matt Bomer, because that’s the name she calls out, and I don’t correct her because that’s her problem, not mine.

(source = fox sports)