Paula Deen Offered Porn Contract

America used to be great for many things. Now, we're down to just being the best goddamn porn producers in the world. Nobody makes porn like we do. Russia makes a shitload, but it's horribly lit shit obsessed with old nylons that somebody's mom had to wait in line four... read more

Lauryn Hill In Jail Because of Racism and Maybe a Little Tax Evasion

It took me almost a week to get through the pre-jail screed of Lauryn Hill. She posted it to her Tumblr account so that it wouldn't get distorted by the white media establishment. It's really fucking long. And lame. And written by somebody who thinks they are profound.... read more

Wiz Khalifa and Amber Rose Are in Love

Whiz Khalifa, real name Cameron, which is why he changed it to Whiz Khalifa, sucked the tongue out of his new baby mama Amber Rose at the BET Awards. I guess when the paparazzi asked Whiz to kiss his beautiful wife, or whatever she is, the both of them started getting... read more

Kriss Kross' Chris Kelly Croaked 'Cause Of Coke

The autopsy reports on Chris Kelly of the backward pants wearing 90's duo Kriss Kross are back and to no one's surprise it was a drug overdose. He was found unresponsive on his couch back in May and was pronounced dead soon after. It's unclear exactly what combo of drugs... read more

Lana Del Rey Shows Off Her Tattoo

Girl who have tattoos around their pubes are hot. I don't care what the tattoo is. It tells the world, I had a guy with a needle inking some shit above my privates so that you can see it when you take off my pants. It also tells the world you're a girl who got drunk and... read more

Rihanna Goes Braless At Paris Fashion Week

Paris is known for two things. Haute couture and people who are total dicks. The two join forces a few times a year for Fashion Week. When the entire world of largely unproductive, but wealthy annoying people descend upon the City of Light to be extra wealthy and... read more

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Lindsay Lohan Going Into the Wild After Rehab

Lindsay Lohan now realizes that the only way to save herself from her addictions is to disappear. Hide from the media, parties, her drug toting friends in Los Angeles and New York. When she gets out of rehab, she's headed out into the wild. Somewhere far away where she... read more

Victoria Silvstedt In A Bikini

Victoria Silvstedt always seems to be posed by the sea. Like a mythological creature. Or a navy port hooker. I imagine you could come back to these rocky shores in the Mediterranean a thousand years from now and Victoria would still be standing just so. Or at least... read more

Lena Dunham Doesn't Wear Underwear...Ew

Lena Dunham continued her quest to gross us all out by admitting that she never wears underwear. Unless she is forced to by her costume department. Apparently, she refuses to cover her hairy maw up when she goes to the set, so the costume department has to provide her... read more

Miley Cyrus' Mouth Keeps Getting Bigger

I've finally come to terms with the fact that Maxim named this woman the hottest female on the planet. It was like arguing with my Uncle Ray over whether or not Paul O'Neill was the greatest baseball player ever. It always ended up with me calling Ray a retard and Ray... read more

Jourdan Dunn Was Fired By Dior Because Her Small Boobs Are Too Big

Jourdan Dunn is a 22-year old British runway model who was supposed to be appearing at yesterday's Dior couture show in Paris, but two things got in her way of that happening – her big, ol' boobies. Except, at 32A, her breasts aren't exactly crushing any beer cans, yet... read more

Jessica Alba Looks Really Fucking Nervous

Jessica Alba looks like she's at Camp Crystal Lake and the dude she was supposed to be boning after lights out suddenly went missing. Only, she's not in a horror movie, she's visiting a medical office in West Hollywood. And sweating. I just want to give her a cup of... read more

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