According to this photo that Stacy Keibler posted to her Instagram yesterday, she is now dating this gentleman named Jared Pobre, or as everyone who doesn’t know who he is will forever call him: Not George Clooney. But then, that’s the problem with dating someone who just broke up with one of the most popular actors in the world, because unless you’re ready to cure cancer or whip out the world’s biggest cock to prove that you’re on par, you’re always going to be Not George Clooney. The only exception is when Elisabetta Canalis dated Steve-O, because then people referred to him as “Really? That fucking guy?”
Call me overprotective and safe, but I don’t think that supermodels should ever walk around in any big city by themselves, or without the protection of large men who know how to kill with their bare hands. For example, Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Chrissy Teigen took a casual stroll through the East Village yesterday, and naturally she was quickly surrounded by guys who think she’d ever even remotely consider having sex with them. In order for these perverts to even stand a chance, Chrissy would have to come down with the worst case of amnesia ever recorded and then not step foot anywhere near a mirror. Because she doesn’t need a memory to look at a mirror and then one of these guys and say, “Yeah, fuck off.”
(Photo Credits: Alberto Reyes/WENN.com)
Every time that Katy Perry talks about how much she thinks John Mayer is a genius or just speaks in general, I ask myself how we could have let this woman become a star. But then I remember tits, tits, boobs, giant titty jugs, breasts, tits and it all completely makes sense. She’s also wonderful at making faces while she’s performing that make it look like she’s sucking someone off, like she did last night at the iTunes Festival in London, and if you’re the kind of guy who lets his girlfriend or wife drag him to one of Katy’s shows, at least you have that to look forward to.
(Photo Credits: WENN.com)
Pretty damn crass I’d say. But it’s all to prove a point of some kind. The Jenner girls don’t like the paparazzi filming their faces in public. They do like TV cameras, web cameras, Facebook selfies, Keek home videos, spy cams on each other sleeping, and being paid for photography sessions involving anything up to mild BDSM and water play. But freebies? Nobody’s going to pay tomorrow for what you’re giving away today. So the girls are diligent about hiding their faces when out and about filling up their time not going to school. But you can’t hide face and ass. So, there, that was my point.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, WENN
What are you going to do when the Federal government shuts down? Melt? Shit your neighbor’s pants? Dig that splinter out of your toe you got three summers ago? For those of you too young to remember the government shutdown of ’96, it was hell on earth. They closed the Smithsonian Air & Space museum. Many people in many departments who do many things were forced to take a holiday causing lines at nearby water parks to be excessive. The sky turned black in the evenings. Goats started eating trash and my friend Allen who will have sex with any woman at any time was too young for real facial hair so he couldn’t lie about being a mercenary. It was horrible. You can hide in the cellar, but the government shut down will find you. This is the Mayan Apocalypse meets Y2K meets Radon gas. Kiss your loved ones goodbye and remind your Jewish friends they can’t go to heaven. The end is nigh.
Courtney Stodden is still married to her high school sweetheart (at least she was in high school), she rarely drinks or does drugs, she’s never been arrested, and she spends her free time rescuing furry animals. So why do so many people feel the need to tag her with the skeez label? Because she’s got fake tits and fake hair and lies about her age? Like every single other woman in Hollywood? I think it’s time for a reckoning. Leave Courtney alone. Or, you know, if you have a twenty you can jizz on her jugs in the alley. But quit the labeling.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, FameFlynet, PCN
This dustup among tarty attention seeking pop music singers is working out pretty well. It’s kind of like a battle of the bands between girls with no specific musical talent. So they’re just flashing their tits and ass instead. Which is automatically much better than any battle of the bands ever. Say what you will about Miley Cyrus (chinchilla face comes to mind, though that is gratuitous) but she’s raised the bar for getting noticed. Don’t be surprised to see Rihanna with a strap-on in her next music video or Kesha licking a Great Dane’s nut sac. This is how escalation works. Also, mutually assured destruction. Thankfully, there are always more girls.
Photo Credit: Rihanna/Instagram