By brendon March 16, 2010 @ 4:54 PM
In one sense, the life of Tiger Woods took a huge step back towards normalcy with today’s announcement that he would return to golf for the Masters in 3 weeks. In another, more accurate sense, his life is still a miserable hell.
Tiger Woods’ wife Elin is still refusing to wear her wedding ring.
New photos of the beautiful former model, taken early Tuesday, show that Elin’s fingers are still bare and Radar Online knows why.
“She’s still in the process of forgiving him,” a source (says).
“Elin sees Tiger during the day. Sometimes for a few minutes, sometimes for a few hours, depending on how they are getting along,” the source said.
“Elin is moving very slowly when it comes to reestablishing her physical relationship with Tiger. Not only does she feel completely betrayed by the amount of women he bedded, but the fact that he slept with a porn star is something she simply has not been able to get over.”
Well it was two porn stars but who’s counting. Not Elin apparently, but what else is new. She uses this same shoddy math when telling people that the Holocaust is blown way out of proportion. No, I just made that up. But I mean look at her. It might be true. I think I know an Aryan when I see one.
By brendon March 16, 2010 @ 3:35 PM
I’m glad I saved the other half of these Heidi pictures, so I can bump that fat tub of shit nobody Kirstie Alley from the top of the page and post pictures of a real star. Also because I used the time to photoshop over that dipshit who is always next to Heidi. Mostly I used the clone stamp tool to cover him with branches or put him under bushes (at her feet), much as I’d love to do in real life after sawing him into a dozen or so, more manageable pieces. Or do you think the cops would even care in this case? It might not even be illegal.
(image source = splash news and flynet and pacific coast)
By brendon March 16, 2010 @ 2:47 PM
Is the new diet company “Organic Liason”, the one fronted and partially owned by Kirstie Alley, actually just another secret Scientology fundraiser? Yes.
Or if you’re one of those nerds who likes reading, there’s this from the Hollywood Reporter. I only read like the first sentence because I’m not good with names. I’ll never remember all that. So even if I had read it it would be like I never did. So really, whats the point? That was a good story, wasn’t it?
Organic Liaison’s advisory board includes a prominent Scientologist named Michelle Seward. Seward is also the CEO of Protege Financial, a Scientology-based company.
The corporate office for Organic Liaison is in Clearwater, Fla. — headquarters, not coincidentally, of Scientology. Organic Liaison is in the same building in Clearwater as the World Institute of Scientology.
Another member of the advisory board, Thomas Lovejoy, has a long association with Scientology through its so-called “Artists for Human Rights.” That group includes noted sect members Kelly Preston and Anne Archer.
Also: Organic Liaison’s accountant is Saul Lipson, a highly placed Scientologist.
Scientology or not, Kirstie Alley obviously knows the secret to physical health, so I’m gonna do whatever she does. Although I may only do half. I don’t want to lose too much weight, too quickly. Ohh, I should take a bunch of pictures starting today to document my rocket ride to fitness!
By brendon March 16, 2010 @ 12:27 PM
Tiger Woods posted a statement on his website late this morning confirming the worlds worse kept secret. Namely that he will make his return to golf on April 8th at the Masters, and that CBS just came in their pants. Tiger writes…
“The Masters is where I won my first major, and I view this tournament with great respect. After a long and necessary time away from the game, I feel like I’m ready to start my season at Augusta.
The major championships have always been a special focus in my career and, as a professional, I think Augusta is where I need to be, even though it’s been awhile since I last played.
I have undergone almost two months of inpatient therapy, and I am continuing my treatment. Although I’m returning to competition, I still have a lot of work to do in my personal life.”
I probably didn’t need to post this because everyone on earth has it as their headline now. So that means if you read it here first, this is the only website you ever go to. I just wanted to say that you’ve made the right choice, and your parents and I are extremely proud of you.
By brendon March 16, 2010 @ 11:57 AM
TIGER WOODS AND ELIN NORDEGREN - are on the cover of the New York Post this morning, photographed together for the first time since his car wreck in late November. And it’s the most offensively boring picture that anyone has ever pretended was news. If I was in New York I would go to the Post and just start punching people. (fox news)
LADY GAGA - collapsed on stage in New Zealand during a performance of ‘Bad Romance’. Doctors think it was because that song sucks. (pop eater)
MICHAEL JACKSON - just signed the biggest recording contract in history, a 200 million dollar deal with Sony. His first album will be 4 seconds long, and he’ll say ‘Boo’ and then rattle a chain. Keep this in mind the next time the music industry tells you they’re going bankrupt because of file sharing. (ap)
JESSICA SIMPSON - told Sirius that she’s a size 4 while promoting her VH1 show about the insane things women do to meet the unrealistic standard of beauty pushed on them by the media. More specifically, by Jessica Simpson, who made millions doing it from 2002-2008. (wonderwall)
CHERYL BURKE - of ‘Dancing With The Stars’ hung out on the beach in Miami yesterday, the hottest combination of dancing and sex appeal since my erotic Dance of the Seven Veils. (splash news)
By brendon March 16, 2010 @ 9:32 AM
When Heidi Montag got DDD implants a few months ago, people started to notice what a talented young artist she was, and everyone really respected the way she was achieving her goals and making her dreams come true.
Dreams such as being an actress for example, and yesterday she was in Malibu to film a movie called ‘Just Go With It’. It’s the story of a girl with a fantastic body who walks around a park and bends over a lot, co-starring Adam Sandler, Nicole Kidman and Jennifer Aniston. I don’t know what their characters do. Hopefully nothing that blocks the view of Heidis huge tits.
(image source = pacific coast and splash news)
By brendon March 15, 2010 @ 3:31 PM
Over the weekend it was reported that Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jamie Kennedy broke up after dating for just about a year, which wasn’t really a surprise because Jennifer Love Hewitt is an insufferable pain in the ass.
But Kate Winslet has been married to Sam Mendes for 7 years, and everyone loves her, so news of their divorce kind of comes out of nowhere. People says…
“Kate and Sam are saddened to announce that they separated earlier this year,” their lawyers say in a statement. “The split is entirely amicable and is by mutual agreement.”
Looking at Kate Winslet and looking at Sam Mendes, it seems hard to believe they both agreed on this. I get the feeling Kates idea was to get a divorce, and Sams idea was to stand outside the house and whimper while watching her silhouette bounce up and down in the bedroom window.
By brendon March 15, 2010 @ 3:00 PM
‘Rock Of Love’ and ‘The Bachelor’ are both game shows where girls compete for the prize of some guy they barely know having sex on them for a month and then realizing they’ve made a horrible mistake. The difference being that ‘the Bachelor’ is very fancy. Like this seasons winner Vienna Girardi, who before ‘the Bachelor’ was in this Florida bikini contest in June of 2008.
Here we see the judging phase of the contest, which is a lot like the rose ceremony, except in this case strangers yell “show your tits” and throw plastic cups filled with beer and spit on them.
(image source = splash exclusives)