Scarlett Johansson still happy to look awful

By brendon December 13, 2011 @ 7:24 AM

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At some point last year, Scarlett Johansson took a vow to look as awful as possible at all times. And last night was no exception, at the New York premiere for ‘We Bought A Zoo’, her new movie with Matt Damon and director Cameron Crowe.

She’s chubby, her dress is ugly, her makeup looks like it was done on horseback, and she has Gozer the Gozerian hair. When asked about meeting Scarlett for the first time, Vinz Clortho said, “Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!”

(image source = splash and getty)

Leilani Dowding is in a bikini

By brendon December 12, 2011 @ 5:01 PM

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I don’t know what ‘Tough Love Miami’ is, but apparently it’s on VH1, and stars Leilani Dowding, who was at a pool in Miami yesterday. She’s not really my type (because she doest have big tits) but this did distract the paparazzi who might otherwise have taken more pictures of some idiot like Lindsay, so there is that.

(image source = pacific coast)

Britney gave Pauly D a dance

By brendon December 12, 2011 @ 3:56 PM

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Pauly D is the opening act for Britney Spears these days, doing whatever it is DJ’s do, and last night in Puerto Rico she brought him on stage for… this little dance thing. Then they went in the champagne room and she gave him a hand job. He’s gonna freak when he see’s his credit card bill, but who’s he gonna tell, it’s Puerto Rico, the cops are all on the take, they don’t care.

(image source = fame)

Jessica Simpson paid $3 million to lose weight

By brendon December 12, 2011 @ 3:43 PM

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Weight Watchers will pay Jessica Simpson $3 million dollars to lose weight and endorse their diet plan after she gives birth. So in June, when you see Jessica Simpson waddle into court for a breach of contract lawsuit, this will be why.

(source = page six)

Miley Cyrus is real sexy now ya’ll

By brendon December 12, 2011 @ 2:52 PM

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Indonesia has one of the higher infant mortality rates in the world, almost 35 per 1,000 births (as opposed to 7 per 1,000 in the U.S.), because so much of the country lives in poverty and can’t afford proper medical care. Those who do seek care will often have their baby held by the hospital until their bills are paid, so many give birth at home, in unsanitary and dangerous conditions.

This is what drove Robin Lim, an American, to open the first of her community health centers there in 1995. They focus on expectant mothers but provide general health services, emergency care, prenatal, postpartum, birth services and breastfeeding support, all free of charge.

For her 11 years of tireless service to those who need it most, Lim was honored last night by CNN as the 2011 Hero of the Year.

It was the perfect setting for Miley Cyrus to show off her tits in a low cut dress and get herself some attention. They should really hold this award in summer so people like Miley can wear roller skates and a thong.

weekend box office was the second lowest all year

By brendon December 12, 2011 @ 1:23 PM

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A cast including Sarah Jessica Parker, Ashton Kutcher, Jon Bon Jovi, Katherine Heigl, Josh Duhamel, Halle Berry, Jessica Biel, Robert De Niro, Zac Efron, Lea Michele, and Michelle Pfeiffer wasn’t enough to get anyone to go see ‘New Years Eve’, which was number 1 at the box office despite grossing just $13.7 Million. It’s the 66th lowest debut of 2011, even lower than ‘Something Borrowed’ and ‘Jumping the Broom’, which I don’t think are even real movies.

It did much worse than ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ ($27.8M) and ‘Valentines Day’ ($56.3M), and doesn’t bode well for ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting’, which all share the same theme of being romantic comedies with a big-name ensemble cast embarrassing themselves in idiotic vignettes for money. How Zac Efron wasn’t a vampire in this thing defies belief.

(source = box office mojo)

Men in Black 3 has a teaser trailer

By brendon December 12, 2011 @ 12:12 PM

Sony released the first trailer for ‘Men In Black III’ this morning, the one with Will Smith going back in time for some vague reason, and with handsome Josh Brolin playing not-handsome Tommy Lee Jones at least well enough to scare any girl planning to marry handsome Josh Brolin.

FUN FACT: MIB3 is co-written by Etan Cohen, which is not “Ethan Coen” spelled wrong, and who presumably gets jobs because of real life versions of this.

Ali Lohan is still a fat ass

By brendon December 12, 2011 @ 11:06 AM

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Lindsay Lohan doesn’t have any friends of course, she spends most of her time with her defense attorney and her sister, so Ali was in Hawaii this weekend too. Ali is nothing but bones so I guess she’s still trying to be a runway model, despite the fact that she’s not very good looking. She would only look pretty if the show was on an actual runway, and everyone was 500 yards away.

(image source = bauer griffin and splash)