Kylie Jenner Had A Better Birthday Than You

By Travis August 22, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Kylie Jenner turned 16-years old back on August 10, and she posted the above image of her brand new Mercedes G Class SUV to Instagram to remind everyone that her family is wealthier than everyone else because her older sister, Kim Kardashian, made a sex tape. But the fun didn’t stop with the Mercedes or her big Sweet 16 party that featured Drake and Big Sean performing for 150 of her “friends.”

Kris Jenner also sent each guest home with a gift bag valued at more than $1,000, according to TMZ, as they all contained 808 Headphones, iPod speakers, the Kardashians’ own makeup line and those expensive socks that Rob Kardashian is making so he can tell people he’s a fashion designer.

Unfortunately, the bags did not contain any ricin or flesh-eating bacteria, as that would have been the greatest gift to the rest of us.

Jennifer Love Hewitt Isn’t Fooling Us

By Travis August 22, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

People have always thought that black is the best color for fatties to wear to offer the illusion that they’re slimmer than they actually are, so that’s why I assume Jennifer Love Hewitt squeezed her pregnant body into a skintight black dress for last night’s Pampers event in New York City. Except instead of giving a slimming effect, she looked like someone squeezed an oversized pillow into a regular case.

But more than anything this event made me ponder the question: “Is Jennifer Love Hewitt the type of C-list actress who would get pregnant with her unknown co-star for the sake of improving her career and gaining some endorsements as she heads toward 40?” And I pondered that for four whole seconds, because yes.

(Photo Credits: Ivan Nikolov/WENN.com)

Dr. Phil Has Questions

By Lex August 21, 2013 @ 5:29 PM

Dr. Phil doesn’t just inuit stuff in his giant melon brain, he goes out and does his research. Like learning if it’s cool to nail a drunk girl. This may or may not pertain to a show he’s putting together. And it pissed off a lot of people who are wondering why the question needed to be asked in the first place. But a man of science like Dr. Phil is not about to let political correctness thwart his sacred journey to the truth. Also, he now knows he can’t plow the butter face staff intern who got loaded at the wrap party. Well, he can’t do it and then tweet about it. Lesson learned.

Fred Figglehorn Is Gay (VIDEO)

By Lex August 21, 2013 @ 4:09 PM

If you’re not coming out of the closet in Hollywood (NBA, WWE, or the local community theater) these days, you’re simply not working. To nobody’s surprise, that annoying YouTube sensation Fred Figglehorn, his name is something else for real, came out on YouTube, to complete the circle of social media gaiety. He says he had to make a public declaration of his gayness because so many people were asking. I guess those would be all the people who couldn’t decide whether the super effeminate boy with sparkle around his eyes from acting class was gay or not. So, the morons. Figglehorn seems very okay with his sexuality, he’s got a squeaky chubby fag hag best friend, he should be fine. In fact, he probably just tripled his career earnings potential. If you think you’re going to be a successful actor in Hollywood without sucking a little manstick, you’ve got another thing coming, Harrison Ford, up for Star Wars sequels, I’m talking to you.

Sydney Leathers Made Another Sex Tape

By Lex August 21, 2013 @ 3:34 PM


I thought she already made a sex tape, but I guess this is the real real sex tape released today. It certainly looks like sex. As opposed to sexting, which is to sex as watching Food TV is to eating. I don’t get it. I’m even hungrier when the show is over. I can’t help but feeling this girl is making sex money on Anthony Weiner’s back. I guess he’d like that so it’s probably okay.

If you fall within the 92% of guys who like to see any chick get pummeled by anybody, you can see a cut of the Sydney Leathers sex tape video and photos HERE (NSFW). Another proud day for America. Fuck yeah.

Photo credit: Vivid.com

Taylor Swift Is Assless

By Lex August 21, 2013 @ 3:06 PM

Taylor Swift Wears Leather Hot Pants Onstage At The Staples Center
I guess you give credit to Taylor Swift for becoming famous without benefit of having an ass. When I think about popular female music artists, I think about girls with big booty shaking asses lip-synching generic thumping Babyface Edmonds songs. That’s what pop music is supposed to be. Insert girl with tits and round ass and bluetooth headset. Taylor Swift has the ass of an older white dude behind the counter at CVS. You know, that guy who wasn’t a chemical engineer Ph.D back in the Philippines or Russia so you have no idea how he got stuck there but you surmise he’s probably on the Megan’s Law website smiling in a cardigan sweater. Not that I check out that dude’s ass. I don’t need to. I can just look at Taylor Swift’s.

Here’s Taylor at Staples Center last night. She’s sort of cute now but she’s already starting to transition into a Waylon Jennings puppet.

Photo Credit: PCN

Simon Cowell Has It All

By Lex August 21, 2013 @ 2:24 PM

Simon Cowell Is All Smiles At The One Direction Film Premiere In London
I guess Simon won. He’s turned a bunch of amateur talent contest shows into mega hits, he has a good eye for spotting crappy music that teen girls love, he bangs lots of hot women, owns a yacht, and when he wants a baby, he just knocks up his buddy’s wife because he thinks she’ll make a good mom. I guess he’s missing shit like humility and dignity and decency and a bunch of other stuff that no guy can really be expected to care about when he’s banging hot women on his yacht. If life were Monopoly, Simon would own Boardwalk and Park Place, all the Utilities, and be forcing Rich Uncle Pennybags to blow him behind the Reading Railroad station. Fuck that smile.

Photo Credit: WENN

Avril Lavigne Makes Out With Winnie Cooper

By Lex August 21, 2013 @ 1:38 PM

Avril Lavigne Makes Out With Danica McKeller In Her Video For 'Rock N Roll'
Forget every bad thing I ever said about Avril Lavigne, her stupid bloated midget first husband, her musical soul robbing Nickelback second husband, her trumped up skater persona, and even her being Canadian and therefore deserving of being locked in a cage and poked at by drunk hockey fans with team pennants. We’re all good now.