Denise Richards Can No Longer Handle The Violent Sheen Twins

By Lex November 06, 2013 @ 4:04 PM

Brooke Mueller And Sons At The 18th Dream Halloween Benefit In Los Angeles
If only crack and meth pipes came with fancy warning labels like family friendly tobacco, maybe the Sheen twins wouldn’t be four-year old future Natural Born Killers. Charlie Sheen’s ex-wife Denise Richards took custody of winning Charlie’s twin boys by way of convicted drug fiend Brooke Mueller earlier this year when both bio parents were deemed unfit by the County. Now Denise Richards is surrendering custody of the preschool aged twins because of claims of their already violent and anti-social behavior. Some of the shit Denise claims in her letter to Children and Family Services Department is straight out of the Damien playbook.

Bob and Max Sheen often go into a “zombie-like state,” and often kick and squeeze her pets violently for fun. The four-year-olds have reportedly said they “wanted to hurt and kill” the dogs.

[Denise] Richards’ daughters have been “kicked in the head and stomach, in addition to suffering scratches, bites, punches and spitting from the twins.

Bob Sheen in particular has “slapped a teacher in the face.”

I don’t know, they just sound like two playful little scamps. We’ve so neutered boyhood in this society, that some Puckish twins can’t punch their half sisters in the head any longer without a government official stepping in. Maybe the boys just need a change of venue. Perhaps something more rural like an honor ranch or the Hall of Doom in Slaughter Swamp.

Photo Credit: WENN

President Nugent Would Be Not Boring

By Michael November 06, 2013 @ 2:48 PM

Ted Nugent is threatening to run for public office. For those not familiar, Ted Nugent is the lunatic that loves to kill things with simple weapons and may or may not have a feline transmitted skin infection. He also plays music. Ted thinks that he can do a better job than the assholes of both parties in Washington:

“I’m being pushed pretty hard to run for public office and I believe my sense of logic, my sense of common sense, my connection to people who are in the asset column of America … I believe that I would perform an enormous upgrade in returning to the Constitution.”

I once saw this guy perform live and it was anything but logical. He came out wearing a Native American headdress and a sleeveless Confederate flag shirt. He proceeded to sing a song about being the last great white buffalo before shooting his guitar with a flaming arrow. He then screamed his fucking head off before a roadie covered him with the American flag and carried him off stage. Still, he has real passion, The one thing missing from Washington. Well, that and the ability to code in HTML and Javascript.

Courtney Stodden Turns To Random Gays In Time of Crisis

By Lex November 06, 2013 @ 2:25 PM

Courtney Stodden Wears A Low Cut Dress To Go Out With Guy Friends In West Hollywood
No split in Hollywood is official until the bullshit press release comes out:

“After two and a half years of marriage, Courtney and Doug have decided to become legally separated. Courtney was married at a young age. Now, at 19, she’s interested in exploring life as an unmarried single young adult, with the freedom to explore her independence.”

The desire to be single certainly seems like a good reason not to be not single. But adjusting to independent life won’t just be an easy task for Courtney. She’s so used to a creepy old man following three steps behind her everywhere she goes. In an effort to look happy and happening, Courtney turned to the random gay men that serve as on-call posse for overly made up Hollywood vamps. These ambiguously gendered young party and players will swarm a hot mess like flies to a freshly shat dookie. It’s like the calvary, with cock rings where the horses used to be. If you can tell a woman’s mood simply by staring at her large, fake tits, I’d say Courtney seems happy with her new single life.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Genevieve Morton Models Lingerie For Parisa USA

By Lex November 06, 2013 @ 1:43 PM

Genevieve Morton Models Lingerie For Parisa USA

Photo Credit: Parisa USA

David Arquette Knocked Up His Girlfriend

By Lex November 06, 2013 @ 1:34 PM

David Arquette And Christina McLarty At The 6th Annual HEAVEN Gala In Los Angeles
I miss the good old days when knocked up Hollywood girls went for back alley abortions. We don’t even have back alleys anymore really, they’re all posh nightclub entrances now. There’s no excitement left in shaming unwed couples banging babies into each other. No hush hush gossip about who’s the slut who had to go off to ‘Santa Barbara’ for the weekend and came back with a nose job and an empty uterus. Now everyone just cheers. God forbid I post a bare fucking nipple on this site and advertisers go apeshit over propriety, but those same companies have no trouble headline sponsoring magazine features heralding the birth of bastard babies from drug-addled celebrities. Shit, I sound like my father.

David Arquette celebrated the joyous news of knocking up Joe Francis’ ex by getting wasted and calling Howard Stern.

Photo Credit: Getty

Lorde Disses Crazy Disney Bitches

By Michael November 06, 2013 @ 1:12 PM

Probable one-hit-wonder Lorde took a swipe at the teen creatures manufactured in the Disney star machine. In an interview with GQ she was asked if she worried about getting famous at such a young age. She said that because she wasn’t raised by some fame hungry stage mom on the set of some Disney Channel abomination she’s much more grounded than the Miley Cyrii and Amanda Bynes of this world. She says,

“The difference between those kids and me is that I grew up completely normally and went to parties and had that experience. I am way less inclined to be like, ‘Look! I’m fucking mental!’”

Lorde has already had a beef with Selena Gomez when she called her “anti-feminist”. That statement doesn’t make any sense. How can Selena be anti-feminist if she was in a lesbian relationship with Justin Bieber for two years? Lorde makes a fair point about not being raised in the Disney/Nickelodeon child star factory. The Mouse tends to fuck up kids big time. The track record of destruction is pretty indisputable. It also helps that Lorde is from New Zealand. That place is all Hobbits and fairies and if you need to bang a sheep to shake off the blues, nobody feels the need to label you.

Kanye West Wasn’t Always An Arrogant Dick

By Travis November 06, 2013 @ 12:00 PM

MTV recently released an uncut interview with a then-little known Kanye West, who talked about everything from his childhood to the act of producing his first album, and he was actually, shockingly humble and enjoyable throughout most of it. Of course, there are little flashes of the self-declared deity that we know today – like when he snapped at his friends for interrupting story time – but he also talked about how he never wanted to get ahead of himself and act like he was bigger than anyone else (like maybe the Obamas), and he paid a lot of respect to the people who came before him. The only problem is this interview is an hour long, and you can probably watch Kim Kardashian have sex with Ray J five times before Kanye lets the interviewer ask a question, so use your time accordingly.

Avril Lavigne Still Looks Kind Of Pregnant

By Travis November 06, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Avril Lavigne hosted an album release party last night at FINALE in New York City, and obviously our hearts go out to the people who were chained inside the building and forced to listen to that horrible nightmare. But as they recover from that violation, people are once again asking whether or not Avril looks pregnant, because I assume they want to know if they should locate the Necronomicon and begin prepping for the unholy ceremony to welcome our 1,000 years of darkness. Judging by the dress she wore to the party, I’d have to say the answer is still “Maybe.” I don’t want to say she looks fat, because I’m not that big of a dick, but she definitely looks like if she’s not pregnant, a few dozen crunches a day wouldn’t kill her.

Photo Credits: Alberto Reyes/WENN.com