90210 actress Jessica Szohr headed off to the Discover Many Hopes gala in New York last night without wearing a bra. Yeah, there’s no joke to be had there. I often wonder how women finally make that decision to head out in a tight top with no bra. They must waver back and forth in front of that mirror something fierce. Can I pull this shit off. Is it too much? Damn, my tits look nice. Guys just get to see them if we’re lucky, women get to live them. Still, seems like a lot of work.
Photo Credit: INF, WENN
While it was released in March, Robin Thicke’s single, “Blurred Lines “, only just hit the top of the Billboard charts, thanks to endless radio play and all of those Radio Shack commercials. Oh, and also because people won’t stop talking about how misogynistic and “rapey” the video is, because of the recurring line, “Good girl, you know you want it” and all of the naked models (NSFW) that caused the video to be banned by YouTube.
And I’m sure that between the websites and feminists posting blogs about how offended they are at this video, Robin will think long and hard about how his actions have affected other people. Then he’ll check the Billboard charts and his bank account, and start hiring strippers to slap with dildos in his next video.
Me and ten million other mostly broke mopes got their first suits at the Men’s Wearhouse. They even threw in a pair of socks. Fucking icing on the cake. George Zimmer guaranteed we’d like the way we looked in his suits. He didn’t guarantee that we’d get to shtup an older secretary in the garage in one of those suits (oh, yeah, I did, her name was Peggy and she smelled like stale raisins). But for a couple hundred bucks we got a suit. Now George Zimmer has been fired by his own company after almost forty years, without a reason given. Seems unfair. I’ve always been given a reason for being fired. Usually it has to do with chronic tardiness, or the fact that Peggy was married to my boss. But Zimmer got zip. Just pack your bags and GTFO. People ought to be more careful with the way they discard of men with beards. They own axes and hold deep grudges.
Oh, snap. Looks like designing icon boyfriends Dolce and Gabbana (I think they might have first names too) were hiding hundreds of millions of dollars from Italy’s tax authorities. They got busted for it and yesterday got handed a twenty-month prison sentence. The two had already picked out matching prison cot sheets and pillow shams when the judge announced that their prison term would be suspended. So, unlike Amanda Knox who spent four years in the Umbrian hoosegow for not murdering anybody in Italy, the couple strutted out of court in their tailored short jackets completely free men. Actually, they didn’t even show up to court. But Gabbana did Tweet a photo of a citrus tree branch when the verdict was issued. Mostly just to remind everybody that he’s the thoughtful bottom.
Photo Credit: Getty
While Kim Kardashian’s people claim that she had to be admitted to Cedars Sinai hospital to give birth to her daughter five weeks before the expected due date because of a threat to both her and the baby’s health, there are still several conspiracy theories out there. Among my favorites:
A) She didn’t want to be beat to the delivery room by Kate Middleton and not get any of the attention.
B) She was never actually pregnant and the surrogate who was hosting the baby for her went into labor early.
C) Satan’s patience has worn thin and he beckoned his hell spawn on Sunday to bring forth the rise of 1,000 years of hell on Earth.
Whichever may be the case, because she was early, Kim couldn’t get the VIP suite that she’d reserved because Dwight Howard’s latest baby mama was also there, giving birth to his third child from as many women, according to TMZ. Of course, it’s also believed that this is actually Dwight’s fifth or sixth child, so they probably just cut a deal to have him be the dad next time around.
(Photo Credit: Getty)
Of course I mean the doughy ginger on the right and not the other guy, who has built an empire out of tricking yokels into coughing up their money for a redneck routine that’s faker than Courtney Stodden’s tits. That guy on the right is singer Ed Sheeran, and if Us Weekly is telling the truth, he’s currently dating Selena Gomez after her 10 millionth split from delicate French prostitute Justin Bieber.
Us claims that Ed and Selena met through their mutual friend Taylor Swift, who also reportedly dated Sheeran during their current tour. If that’s true, it’s only a matter of time before Taylor writes an entire album about jealousy and betrayal, and maybe even falling into a rock crusher. She probably doesn’t have any experience in that last one, but it doesn’t mean we can’t encourage her to try it.
(Photo Credit: Getty)
We just saw him a month ago on here carrying his baby and showing off his young wife and looking fucking miserable. I guess he knew something we didn’t. Or just that whole second family thing caught up to him. Even the news outlets that pre-prepare obits for teetering famous people got caught off guard on this one. I saw him in person not long ago at a diner with his new younger family. He looked pretty crappy then too. But that face. And that voice. It’s fucking iconic. Guess you can’t ask much more than to leave your mark on this world. Still, when you hear a celebrity died unexpectedly, you’re expecting a Bieber or a Bynes, not somebody who actually makes shit the world could use. The Grim Reaper is a dick.