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Kim Kardashian Bursting With Pride

August 10, 2015 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Kim Kardashian is pregnant with another person whose life expectancy is 37. You can only be a shitty moron once removed. Plus they’re developing new pills. Apparently when you get pregnant your tits get really big and swollen which... READ MORE

Gisele Bundchen Recovers From Tit Job

August 10, 2015 | Uncategorized | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Gisele Bundchen wore a burqa to disguise herself while getting new tits in Paris, which was a dead giveaway because her exposed ankles said Brazilian whore all the way. She also got her eyes done and most likely mused... READ MORE

Vogue Williams Show Her Goods

August 10, 2015 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Vogue Williams is an Irish model meaning her voice will kind of make you go soft in the heat of passion. She has appeared on Dancing with the Stars and it’s unclear if she’s a dancer or a star... READ MORE

Vanderbilt Football Needs Slogan Help

August 7, 2015 | WTF | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Under the category of slogans not to use for your college football program while four players are under indictment for raping an unconscious co-ed at a party, file We Don’t Need Your Permission. Perhaps doubly so when you are... READ MORE

Michelle Rodriguez in a Bikini

August 7, 2015 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Michelle Rodriguez pulled anchor on her lesbian love boat and set a course for adventure off the coast of Italy. It’s like when the Barbary pirates arrived and hung their flag in the harbor. Shore folk were equal parts... READ MORE

Leidy Mazo Topless on the Clock

August 7, 2015 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

It says a lot about our society that this chick and Channing Tatum have to show off their tits to get work in this town. Even more so that we ultimately reward the one with the disturbingly inset eyes.... READ MORE

Ms. Paltrow Goes To Washington And Shit Around The Web

August 7, 2015 | crap around the web | editor| 0 Comments

Expert on everything Gwyneth Paltrow is appearing before congress to talk about GMOs. Because, you know, having starred in Shakespeare in Love makes you a fucking scientist. Can congress have people arrested for being fucking stupid? Read all about... READ MORE

Ana Braga Nipple Show

August 7, 2015 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

It’s impossible to look serious when your nipples are exposed. At some point Ted Cruz will selfie himself topless shooting an MK-19 at ISIS mannequins and pretending his clavicle isn’t disintegrating. Which only proves my point. This chick seems... READ MORE

Car Fuckers Issue False Apology

August 7, 2015 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Daniel Watts has two credits to her name, Django Unchained and fucking her powdery boyfriend in public. After all of Ventura Blvd saw them boning in a salvage title Benz, Watts tried to pull the race card which didn’t work... READ MORE

Mariah Carey Gets A Star

August 7, 2015 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Mariah Carey laid down seductively along Hollywood Boulevard as seismologists at Cal Tech traced their pencils over the peak lines and declared a 4.3. Carey deserved her star. Even before they started passing them out to every chick who... READ MORE

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