Jennifer Nicole Lee in A Bikini

It's hard to know when it's time to step aside as a celebrity fitness instructor. Like ball players or meth addicts. It's depressing to think of what comes next. Forty is the new thirty which is still five years past the time super wealthy men will make you their trophy wife without IMDb credits or a society name.read more

Alessandra Ambrosio Cleavage Show And Shit Around The Web

Alessandra Ambrosio says she's excited to welcome people to her home country this summer. I think she means Brentwood. She occasionally visits Brazil to drop off ten American dollars to her grandmother's kidnappers but outside of that she sticks mostly to Northern Hemisphere Fairmont Hotels.read more

Italian TV Seems Molto Meglio (VIDEO)

Italian reality TV dance shows seem better than the ones you're forced to sample in the U.S. to get payback sex. The American version features trained ballroom dancers, meaning women with fit bodies but faces that led their parents to decide early on that modeling and Disney Channel weren't in the cards.read more

Leslie Mann's Gimp Sticks Up for Ghostbusters

There's a fine line between stalwart supporter of women's rights and a male submissive whose wife makes him wear an Invisible Fence collar so he can't snack after meal time. There's not a single cause de female celebre that Judd Apatow can't get behind with a shrill rant. His level of argumentation akin to a middle school girl who prays for Taylor Swift to photobomb her Bat Mitzah.read more

Zika Spread From Mouth to Cock

If unprotected sex with Brazilian hookers is your thrill, be aware that the Zika virus can be spread via oral sex. Zika gives your future baby a decidedly shrunken apple head to serve as a constant reminder to your wife what the fuck you really did at that chiropractors convention in Rio.read more

Lammy Back on the Rock

Lamar Odom's friends expressed modest concern after finding a crack pipe lying around his place. Since his friends are largely recreational drug users, they well know how careless it is to leave your shit just lying around. Whores be stealing your rock.read more

Katya Henry in A Bikini

With all the negative news in the U.S. job markets you might not notice the explosion of work in the online fitness model field. It's dominating both door to door magazine sales and indentured Asian nail technician gigs. There are now thirty-seven hundred women with nice asses turning a dime as Instagram fitness models. Just in Miami.read more

Amber Heard Sues Doug Stanhope

Amber Heard is suing Doug Stanhope for defamation because he wrote an article claiming he witnessed her threatening to lie about Johnny Depp in order to extort money, and also because it's probably true and really pissed her off and she's been able to leverage her lawyers to intimidate people.read more

Amy Schumer And Seth Rogen Gay Beer

Seth Rogen and Amy Schumer are the same person just one has a dick and the other a highly glorified vagina. It's like how Elon Musk says we may all be living in a simulation. This is exhibit A.read more

Sarah Silverman Bush Reeks of Forgotten Youth (Mr. Skin Minute Video)

There never seems to be any tits in the movies I see anymore. Hollywood has put the nix on all things nipples since they decided that all movie theaters should be placed in between Gymboree and Kohl's at the mall. They just threw in more visceral carnage and vaguely sinister Russian Arab dudes and people hardly noticed the tits went away.read more

Kylie Jenner's Boobs Have Legs

They don't have a school for learning how to be a sublime sex toy. Though if they did, Kylie Jenner would've dropped out of it by now. The slightly sentient plastic cobbled Jenner has been told since very little that this was her destiny. Like Skywalker. You can run from your grave fate or you can embrace it and show the entire world your big ole hunks of fuck.read more

Rose McGowan Calls Out Apocalypse

A few years ago Rose McGowan made the switch from tight tank topped femme fatale who sleeps with her directors to muckraker railing against Hollywood for being sexist. It's like graduating into the Sr. PGA Tour. After having bad plastic surgery and shaving your head.read more

Toni Garrn Covered Topless And Shit Around The Web

Toni Garrn got all greased up with no top on in the pages of Elle Magazine. It's important when sunbathing topless that you apply proper sunscreen. You don't want nipple burn.read more

Roxy Horner Pulls Winning Ticket in DiCaprio Cock Lottery

Akin to ripping open Wonka Bars to find the gold leaf ticket, pretty girls across the Western Hemisphere straighten out their finest frocks and polish their IUDs on the chance the next knock on the door might be Leonardo DiCaprio with his dick hanging out of his pants. Grab the brass ring, ladies.read more

Maitland Ward in A Bikini

The precise breadth of the market for women showing off in bikinis on social media remains undetermined. This chick is thirty-nine and relatively celebrity unknown but is making a strong play for aftermarket follows. The masses have accepted that anybody can be a social media sensation, but with the inherent understanding that that anybody is a nineteen year old co-ed at a Texas junior college.read more