Octomom Revised

The DailyMail and Octomom concocted a "comeback" article for the mother of fourteen, with the gist being that Nadya Suleman regrets her porny past persona and is now a rehabbed working mom feeding fourteen kids with just a small assist from food stamps. Also, she never... read more

Bella Thorne Wears A Pink Bra Outside And Shit Around The Web

Bella Thorne goes around town wearing a bra like a shirt. She spent three hours testing this look against a sample set of old men gaining erections. Respect the science! read more

Erika Jordan Seems Charitable

It's unclear how many panda bears Erika Jordan was able to save by dressing up like the Chinese zoo keeper who's job it is to stimulate the male pandas into fornication with the ladies, but zero seems like a strong opener. Self-described charities and hashtags therein are... read more

Kourtney Kardashian Making Babies in the Shadows

If celebrity women have taught us anything, it's that being a wealthy single mother is tough. Whose going to carry all the kids' sunscreen and SPF protective swimwear to the beach with no dad around? Guatemalan helpers only count in the Census. read more

Tom Brady Mask Effectively Creepy

Some guy named Dan Worthington spent three months rent on an Industrial Light and Magic caliber Tom Brady mask and then went to the Pats Cardinals game in Arizona and posed for a ton of pictures. read more

Surprisingly, Nelly Is Broke-Ass

I don't like to spin too many personal stories, because any guy who's fucked a Playmate will quickly top you and the game never ends and you inevitably lose. I did work with Nelly at the time he was crazy hot for nothing to do with musical talent. read more

Alexis Arquette Died Too Soon

Alexis Arquette spent a week on a movie set every year or two, which still qualified him as an actress although her main occupation was apparently Activist. What said activism actually entailed is dormant from the public record, but one time it got wasted and wrote a... read more

Adrian Grenier Righteous Douche

Adrien Grenier is one of the few Adrien Grenier fans left. Maybe a few guys from SUNY Plattsburgh but the number is dwindling as it becomes more and more apparent he bases his acting style on watching iguanas interact inside of a terrarium. read more

Tim Gunn Don't Want No Ratajkowski Titties

Fashion maven Tim Gunn expressed his outrage over a dress worn by Emily Ratajkowski to a Harper's Bazaar event. Ratajkowski had the temerity to show off her big sweet titties during New York Fashion Week, the Yom Kippur for gay men. read more

Josie Canseco Tip Top Up Top And Shit Around The Web

Josie Canseco shows off her titties at a basketball game. It's rumored later on she solved complex mathematical problems and discovered the role of Saudi Arabia in the rise of ISIL. Though nobody stuck around for that part. read more

Elizabeth Hurley in A Bikini

It's not clear what you're supposed to say when a fifty-one year old woman self-publishes bikini snapshots of her amazing plastic surgery work. The rote "you look incredible for your age" seems to slight a long list of medical technicians, estheticians and stone masons... read more

Sugar Sweet With Lies

A new medical historical study shows that the sugar industry heavily sponsored Harvard medical dietary research in the 1960's to blame fat, as opposed to refined sugar, as the primary culprit in rising heart disease rates. read more