By Jack November 29, 2013 @ 12:14 PM
Justin Bieber continued his reign of terror in Australia this week when he decided to tag up his hotel. The petite lesbian ferret was previously caught on tape spray painting his stupid cartoonish tags in Brazil. I guess he figures since he’s already ruined music and dance that he’d try creating shitty art in other genres. The worst part is that the Australian hotel isn’t going to scrub his inane scribbles off the wall. They think that since the little chodemuffin is famous the tagging will bring in business’s to the hotel. A spokesman said,
“It was a coup for the hotel to have Justin want to paint a piece of art in appreciation of his stay. This piece of art is now available to be viewed by fans of the artist and we believe that it is a wonderful addition to the colourful Gold Coast arts scene.”
Wonderful, let’s empower the little douche a little bit more, why don’t we? Fucking Australian hotel spokesmen. Why don’t they just fish one of his turds out of the septic tank and put it on display in the lobby atop the booster seat he used at the hotel restaurant. Treat him like the Little Emperor and he will never ever go away. Kick him in his tiny boned shins every meeting and you’ll suddenly find him disappeared. That’s how we got rid of the Leprechauns.
By Travis November 29, 2013 @ 12:00 PM
Having never actually been talented or had a reason to be famous, Heidi Montag once had a ton of cosmetic work done so people would think she was really attractive, and that included having her breasts enlarged as if they were made by Reebok and her nipples had “PUMP” printed across them. Meanwhile, she apparently never considered that having F cups could cause her health issues, or she disregarded medical advice, because she finally had her breasts reduced to a more subtle and understated C, because she’d been experiencing back pains and numbness in her arms, according to the Daily Mail.
And there are some new pictures of post-reduction Heidi, but they were pretty normal-looking, so here she is with her F cups at Wet Republic in 2011. Look at them while playing a sad song to remember Heidi’s breasts, in case you had any idea she still existed.
Photo Credits: Getty
By Travis November 29, 2013 @ 11:00 AM
Prior to yesterday’s NFL game between the Oakland Raiders and Dallas Cowboys, I’d never actually seen Selena Gomez perform, mainly because I’m not a stupid child. But now that I’ve actually witnessed her alleged talents on display, I’m amazed that this girl is a certified pop star who travels the world and plays for sold out arenas and stadiums, because Selena couldn’t dance if someone put her on a Dance Dance Revolution platform and set a bomb to go off if she got more than one move wrong. But I’m sure that the NFL fans in Arlington were just pleased to watch a halftime performance from someone who so clearly reaches the NFL’s key demographic.
Photo Credits: Forty Seven/WENN.com
By Travis November 29, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
Charlie Sheen might be 48-years old, but he still manages his Twitter account like a teenage girl, as he took a break from his Thanksgiving festivities to Tweet a picture of him and his new lady friend. While he didn’t reveal the name of this new goddess, who I’m sure loves him for him and not for all of the money that he earns from Anger Management and syndicated episodes of Two and a Half Men, he did include a very special Thanksgiving message for all of his “sheenius” followers, calling this the “Best Thanksgiving ever” and saying that he’s “thankful for ‘Giving’ the world another face-load of planet jealous!’ And I’m not sure if he spelled out “hashtag” to be ironic or because he thinks that’s how Twitter works, so I’ll just say it was a little of both.
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By Lex November 28, 2013 @ 3:01 PM
Julia Stegner looks like a fun German girl. Not like the ones that bake strudel for their boyfriends at the ethnic cleansing camps. More like the girls in the underground discos in Berlin that like to snort coke and dress in leather straps. I’ve never been to Berlin, or an underground disco, but I’m imagining that’s how it goes down.
Photo Credit: 25 Magazine
By Lex November 28, 2013 @ 2:14 PM
I’m not sure why a bunch of you stopped looking at Miley’s tits or ass for any amount of time to notice her face. You might as well start twerking to her music. But some untold number of you insisted on directing me to look at her chin at the American Music Awards. I stopped drinking my Thanksgiving ale for half a second, zoomed in, and there the fuck it was — a burgeoning billy goat gruff. Or scruff. Or just the makings of a Duck Dynasty bandwagoner. Miley’s got a fucking beard. Maxim’s already pulled their January cover to revise for the World’s Hottest Bearded Lady. Jesus. I mean, literally, Miley might be turning into Jesus. What if she’s the Messiah instead of just a twink who badly needs a facial waxing? Thanks for ruining my Thanksgiving.
By Jack November 28, 2013 @ 12:52 PM
Kanye West continued his deluded fuckhead radio tour by claiming that his trashy girlfriend Kim Kardashian is the new Marilyn Monroe. The revelation came in the middle of an epic 45 minute rant on the Power 105′s Breakfast Club radio show. The subject came up of Vanity Fair hiring Kate Upton to pose as Marilyn Monroe on their cover. Kanye ain’t having none of that shit. He said,
“I have a love-hate relationship with the paparazzi, but actually I love them because they are empowering us. They are empowering us over Vanity Fair that want to say that Kate Upton is Marilyn Monroe. Kate Upton ain’t Marilyn Monroe, Kim is Marilyn Monroe.”
Yes, because God forbid something not be about the two of them for five fucking minutes. Marilyn Monroe embodied the ideal of desirable woman for her time. She was blond and curvy and sassy and knew the fine art of the tease. Can you imagine Kim Kardashian singing Happy Birthday, Mr. President to the Commander in Chief? She’d groan like a wounded bear and pull down her girdle as her mom cackled for Obama to bang her daughter’s ass like a Kenyan warrior. Actually, I’d watch that.
By Lex November 27, 2013 @ 6:11 PM
That’s not just anybody hoisting the first case of 138 Water, that’s actress Cara Santana who you’ve never heard of. That’s how this 138 conspiracy is going to unfold. Chicks in hats and sunglasses who once appeared in Beverly Hills Chihuahua 3 will be distributing the unholy water contents throughout major urban cities. You drink the water and you don’t just die, you become the fashionably hydrated undead. You’ll also be broke. Which in L.A. means you’ll have a harder time getting laid that if you were a zombie.
Even as apocalyptic rollout begins, models with big tits like Jaclyn Swedberg are still being photographed for the lithographed shrouds The 138 will use to encase the forsaken.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet