Rihanna Sex in Sweden (VIDEO)

Rihanna's concert performance involves a suspended glass walkway she crawls back and forth across in ass-less chaps over the crowd. Your basic strip show main stage with higher production cost. At various ports of call, Drake shows up to simulate fucking her doggy style. You can hear the throngs of fourteen year old girls who are pretty certain their parents have no idea what the hell goes on at a Rihanna concert. Boys...read more

What's the Opposite of a Sausage Party? (Hint: Taylor Swift Loves Girls)

Taylor Swift only had the most awesome Fourth of July party ever because it didn't include stupid boys. Boys will say anything to try to put their diddle sticks inside your special flowers. It's just heartbreak. Girl power to the tune of two hundred million dollars. In your face, past boyfriends.read more

Jennifer Lopez and Lin Manuel Miranda, Like You Fucking Dreamed It Would Be (VIDEO)

Jennifer Lopez and Lin Manuel Miranda, the dude who brought historically reinterpreted musical theater to the masses at just $1800 a seat, have been working on a charity single to benefit the victims of the Orlando Pulse nightclub shooting. Proceeds from the culturally significant rap will go toward the Hispanic Federation's Proyecto Somos Orlando which provides Spanish speaking mental health services to Pulse victims...read more

Boozie BadAzz Done With Gay Cartoons

Former murder convicted Rapper Boozie BadAzz has a history of deriding homosexuality not unlike a good percentage of the black population. That prejudice nugget is routinely buried because it doesn't fit the United Colors of Benetton safe space narrative. Boozie claims that upon returning home from prison that cartoons and shit were all super fucking gay now:read more

Alicia Arden Shoots for the Moon

Slamma Jamma is a real movie about redemption and dunking. It stars Jose Canseco and Michael Irvin. Arguably their best movie yet. Decorum at the screening seemed lax.read more

That Time John Cena Ruined the Fourth of July (VIDEO)

John Cena filmed a national Ad Council PSA for release on the 4th of July that called everybody a bigot. Not everybody, just white people with working legs. Sort of a bummer message. You're not a patriot because you didn't know the nation has three times as many Muslims as it does active duty military. Are those two mutually exclusive? We need to rethink our parade floats.read more

Daphne Joy Whole Lotta Body and Shit Around the Web

Daphne Joy made a baby with 50 Cent and was still allowed to remain in our nation. We are a forgiving people. Just like the way you'd forget 50's baby ever popped out of her reproductive tract if you were so lucky as to bed this woman. Block it out hard.read more

M.I.L.F. $ Isn't Even Trying (VIDEO)

Fergie and Will.I.Am produced a new music video that backed into a song that may be the worst four minutes of musically arranged crap ever. Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian release computer baked dance tracks every couple of years because dudes in the Middle East who can't afford to fuck them want to feel involved. Fergie passes herself off as a musical artist. There's some inherent level of responsibility in that...read more

Bri Teresi in A Bikini

Eating bananas like they're cocks has always been an art more than science. Now it's a cottage industry. Bri Teresi calls herself the Snapchat Queen. As far as regal titles go, that's pretty bourgeois.read more

What If There Was Another Way?

Models and actresses used to accept criticism that came along with making a living off your looks. They swallowed their pride along with over the counter amphetamines and did what it took to be abnormally slender and taut-faced. Nobody in Bataan had a choice but to march. Becoming wealthy by playing pretend and showing off your tits remains an entirely voluntary pursuit.read more

Kevin Durant Also Writes a Stupid Letter

At some point basketball players decided to publish personal essays about agonizing decisions such as which team should I let pay me $150 million. Reading essays by essayists isn't even a pleasure. Perusing heavy handed thank you letters to the city you're ditching is a literary kick in the nuts. Kevin Durant followed in the grand tradition of Kobe's love letter to basketball and LeBron's decision with "My Next...read more

Kourtney Kardashian Bastard Reloaded

According to InTouch magazine, Kourtney Kardashian is pregnant with her fourth child. InTouch has a gossip accuracy rating of about twenty percent, which ranks it a notch above every other entertainment magazine, though still below Sheila, the human resources assistant who goes to the parking structure to smoke on the fifteens and forty-fives.read more

4th of July Special, Naked News Lifetime Deals, Mr. Skin 7-Day Free Trials, Get Into This Shit

You could do far worse than a 4th of July Special on Naked News and Mr. Skin. If you want it, you know you do. Now is the best fucking time to get it. America, tug yeah.read more

If the 4th of July Means Anything, It Means Tits and Shit Around the Web

There's not a single sacred American holiday that can't be translated into a reason for hot chicks to show off their tits in undersized bikinis. This either makes us the greatest nation on the planet, or the worst. I know how the Indonesians would vote.read more

Hilary Duff Is the Keymaster

In the days of traditional television media, there were the talent Haves and the Have-Nots. The Haves competed in the Battle of the Network Stars revealing their revolting body hair while the Have-Nots spoke of that show they used to be on fifteen years earlier and waited impatiently for cancer to take them.read more