Claudia Romani Understands Snorkeling

By Lex November 14, 2014 @ 12:36 PM

Claudia Romani Wears A Yellow Thong While Snorkeling In Miami
I’ve always found snorkeling to be a blatant taunt to the fish that we evolved well past them some hundred million years ago. It’s like when rappers go back to their hood to capture some documentary footage and pretend they’re still bunking down in a tract home in Compton. You made it out, we get it, now eat us or move the fuck along. I’m probably reading into it too much.

Photo Credit: Splash

Bieber Got Some Splaining To Do And Shit Around The Web

By Jack November 14, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

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Lesbian midget doll Justin Bieber is being summoned back to Argentina regarding his entourage beating people up in a nightclub. I can’t wait for him to get put in an Argentine jail where he will meet Jesus… a big hairy dude named Jesus.

Read all about Bieber being The America’s Most Wanted. (TMZ)

Bored moms everywhere will be flicking their beans to the new Fifty Shades of Grey trailer. (Huffington Post)

Sara Malakul Lane shows off her covered topless body. (Drunken Stepfather)

Jennifer Akerman’s tits can be used as a floatation device in a hot tub. (Hollywood Tuna)

Kate Upton’s titties are featured in the Game of War-Fire Age trailer. (Popoholic)

Michelle Lewin’s ass is glorious. (The Superficial)

Charlotte McKinney and her underboob star in this Instagram pic. (COED)

Rob Gronkowski Probably Wants His Signature Back

By Lex November 14, 2014 @ 11:49 AM

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What could possibly go wrong? That’s a question people really don’t ask themselves nearly enough. Old school companies hiring social media dipshits to get them into that Facebook and Twitter thing leave themselves particularly exposed to lack of foresight. Like whoever set up this New England Patriots Twitter promotion for being their one-millionth follower. Any Twitter handle that sent out their OneMillionPatriots hashtag got an automated retweet and a doctored photos with their handle name on the back of a Patriots Jersey and a big thank you from Rob Gronkowski. I’m in the middling intelligence range on a good day and I could see the potential flaw in this setup. I was thinking @MyCunnyTingles but some other genius with more malicious intent came up with @IHATEN1GGERS which was retweeted from the Patriots. I’m pretty sure that’s a number 1 instead of the capital letter I which fooled the simpleton bad words auto censor.

I’m not saying the Patriots should abandon their attempts to be hip and modern or to solicit interest from the kind of people who cream their Boston denim skorts from receiving a retweet. There are tons of kids graduating colleges today without any real job prospect. This fake work category of social media producer has created thousands of jobs for 20-somethings with dubious degrees and the sole skill of being active Facebook users. Still, whoever ran this one needs a swift kick in the shins and a job application for Denny’s swing shift server. Let just cut to the chase.

Brazilian Melon Girl Seems Fun

By Lex November 14, 2014 @ 11:11 AM

Renata Frisson aka Melon Girl Has Fun In The Nude On Beach In Brazil
This Brazilian model Renata Frisson is affectionately referred to as Melon Girl in Rio where she promoted the opening of a nude beach. If you tried that nickname for a busty chick in American colleges or workplaces, you’d have alligator clips pinched on your testicles while you were shown photo representations of your grandma crying in heaven. Brazil seems like a more progressive land filled with nude beaches, ass surgery, and delicious foods made out of bean mash and fermented bananas. It’s amazing the country has a net migration outflow. Somebody obviously isn’t counting all the people climbing the fences to get into the slums at night.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Brandi Glanville Drinking In a Bikini For A Change

By Lex November 14, 2014 @ 11:00 AM

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Brandi Glanville claims she’s officially given up provoking fights with LeAnn Rimes, even though LeAnn remains a crazy slut who stole her husband. This comes after Glanville’s marketing intern determined she’s no longer getting any media play from the fake feuds. Given that Glanville still colon cleanses with a gallon of Stoli each morning, sticking to her word has to be considered iffy. Nobody should be held responsible for their behavior when their BAC is three times the threshold of imminent death. That’s not drunk, that’s pretty fucking impressive.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Kendra Wilkinson Ready for the Jungle

By Lex November 14, 2014 @ 10:44 AM

Kendra Wilkinson Shows Off Her Busty Figure on The Beach In Australia
Like most new moms with a husband who digs cock and reality shows that cause her to often forget what she’s been told to stay to the press, Kendra Wilkinson and her boobs are headed into the jungle of I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here on British TV. The show brings together D-list celebrities, has-beens, and drinking buddies of producers and puts them in a contrived jungle setting. They are beset with plumbing issues and insects until they cry, even though most of them currently live in far worse conditions due to not having worked in years. The outback journey should give Kendra time to reflect on her life, and give her kids time to be raised by a nanny who doesn’t have a sex tape, didn’t sleep with an octogenarian to get her gig, and doesn’t have a husband who slips out at night to stroke women’s dicks. Everybody wins on reality TV.

Photo Credit: Nigel Wright

Kylie Jenner A Chip Off the Old Titty Block

By Lex November 14, 2014 @ 10:00 AM

Kylie Jenner Wears Bra Top While She Launches Her New Hair Extension Line In LA
If you’re going for the passed around the reef mermaid look, you could do worse than Kylie Jenner’s new hair extension line. Kylie stood next to her sister Kim with every indicator of a twinsies moment save for Kylie hoisting a Cali license plate I2WHORE. Outside of cancer patients and background dancers for Christina Aguilera, I’m not sure why hair extensions exist. I understand tit jobs, but I’m not sure many rich dudes are looking at artificial hair and thinking, fuck, I’d like to empty my back account for that long tressed babe. If only Kylie had stuck with school past the seventh grade. She could at least have a working knowledge of how her mother was misappropriating her paychecks.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

The Osbournes Coming Back To MTV

By Matt November 14, 2014 @ 9:34 AM

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Sharon Osbourne announced she and her shockingly still alive husband will be reprising The Osbournes for an eight episode run on MTV. They probably don’t need the money so this is more of a legacy project, like how Ted Bundy killed that extra hooker because he felt he owed it to people. Sharon says part of the reason for the reboot is Ozzy can’t remember the original series since he was drunk the whole time, which is code for sober and brain damaged. The show will mostly focus on Ozzy but should feature some drop ins from his kids who will be crying in their Uber after. The Osbournes originally garnered huge ratings on MTV. The new show will probably perform under that since the reality industry has evolved to find even more fucked up people with drug and alcohol problems to laugh at. If you thought the original was uncomfortable this should make you burn your Sabbath records and attend AA meetings even though you only drink on your birthday.

Photo Credit: MTV