If you didn't remember Bobby Lee from Mad TV and a half dozen movies before, you're probably going to remember him now. Because Redban has video of him describing the time he gave his cousin a blowjob when he was 15. You read that right, by the way. At first this may sound like just another "famous comedian who blew his cousin when he was 15" story, but wait, there's more, because Lee also breaks down the Asian hierarchy in the video. His analysis may seem pretty offensive if you're Vietnamese, until you remember that you're being insulted by a dude who just admitted to sucking off his cousin. Not only would it be worse if he thought you were number 1, it would be much much worse. Having a dude who's easily tricked into gay incest on your side is like having the Klan endorse you for mayor. Umm, thanks anyway.
See the video here.
And these pictures of Grace Park have nothing to do with anything of course, except she's also Asian. And super hot. Surfing Asian bikini sites is a big part of my writing process, and top scientists and I agree that babes who are super hot and Asian are 1500 percent hotter than babes who are super hot but not Asian. The results are in people. It's a fact. All you doubters need to stand aside and let science do it's work.
IMDb says that Nicole Richie blames stress as the reason she's so skinny, but she understands she has a problem and is trying to put on weight. Nicole says:
"I've never been diagnosed with an eating disorder. My weight is a result of stress. I didn't lose weight on purpose, I simply wasn't eating enough. But I did realize I had gotten too thin. Now I'm doing all I can to get my weight up - and have gained some. I'm seeing a trainer and a nutritionalist and eating healthy."
Hmm, yes, it is a mystery as to why she can't put on weight. Oh, wait, no it's not. The rumor has always been she had gastric bypass after the first year of "the Simple Life", when she dramatically changed from a tubby lump to a mythical monster. And now she can't put on weight even when she tries. Not that it matters at this point. Skinny, fat, whatever - she still looks like something that came back to haunt you because you buried it face down.
(Note - Two kinds of gastric bypas, this kind leaves almost no scarring.)
Sophia Bush is super hot and all, but did she think she was going to the Teen Choice Awards or to get married. Get married in the 1800's. It's an awards show. In Southern California. In August. She looks like a ghost you would see in a honeymoon suite. Making things worse for her is that Rachel Bilson showed up looking like the cutest thing the world has ever seen. A kitten could give flowers to a puppy and it wouldn’t be half this cute. On the plus side, that wouldn’t give me a near painful erection.
Okay, so everyone looked like absolute hell at last nights 'Teen Choice Awards'. Getting dressed isn’t that hard if you’re a dude, but they all managed to screw it up anyway. Orlando Bloom wants to be Johnny Depp so bad. I’m pretty sure that necklace is a heart shaped locket with some of Johnny’s hair. Nick Lachey looks nice. My gardener has that same shirt. If Wilmer Valdawhatever looked any gayer, he’d be down on Venice Beach in shiny silver shorts roller skating between orange cones he set up. He’d still have on that shirt and those chains though. You would have thought Brandon Routh and Wentworth Miller spend enough time in the closet to pick out nicer clothes. Zing!
This hasn't even aired yet on the west coast, but I was so excited I had to see if it was on youtube. And buckle the fuck up, because, yes, it is. It was actually pretty wily for Kevin to chose the Teen Choice Awards to debut his song, because, make no mistake about it, this audience is just little kids. They call it "Teen" because "Kids" was already taken, but this audience is nothing but 8 year olds. And 8 year olds are idiots. They'll clap if you put cookies over your eyes, so of course they clapped for Kevin. Performing at the Teen Choice is one step above doing magic for a retard.
WARNING : Brace yourself for when the piano player at the front of the stage with his back turned reveals his true identity while we wait for Kevin to appear. I don’t want to give anything away, but your heart may explode from the surprise. I'm not gonna lie to you, I couldn't believe my eyes.
UPDATE - You can certainly see how Kevin rose to such fame as a dancer. Talk about some sexy moves. The way he lifts one foot, then the other. You may have accidentally done the same dance while walking on hot sand at the beach, but this also has a black guy screaming "yeah" every few seconds, so it's different.
Christina Ricci decided the best way for her to get a role in the movie "Black Snake Moan" was to send sexually explicit photos of herself to the director. The Sun UK quotes her as saying:
“My agent inundated writer/director Craig Brewer with photo shoots I’d done that are pure sex shoots.”
Ricci got the part as the town slut and spends most of the movie half naked while Sam Jackson tries to save her by chaining her to a radiator and Justin Timberlake tries to save her by unchaining her from a radiator. But Sam Jackson is the hero, so I guess it's okay when he does it. But suddenly I'm a jerk and Christina's lawyers have to threaten me after sending "two dozen sexually suggestive emails". Oh please. Don't be so dramatic. Since when is 23 "two dozen".
