Charlotte McKinney in A Bikini

Charlotte McKinney is on that list where she gets invited to every single Los Angeles event a level or two beneath A-list red carpet. Her name is on the e-vite for style magazine galas, tequila company pool parties, and desert events to honor the video poker farms on Indian reservations to make up for the quiet genocide.read more

Joy Corrigan Caught Topless Changing Bikinis

There's something monumentally sad about paying a beautiful woman to take off her top then ordering her to use her arm to cover up her perfect young tits. You wouldn't hire a plumber and insist he keep his tools in the truck.read more

Goldie Hawn Sensational If Not Crusty

Nobody looks great mostly naked at seventy. Rich men can still get laid at advanced ages by sheer artifice, but nature didn't intend old people to be sexually desirable. Lemon parties being the prime example of denying nature's structured tapestry. People magazine declared Goldie Hawn to be looking sensational in Hawaii. There's not a single honest sentence in People. But middle aged women need porn too.read more

Kim Basinger Best Laid Plans

For most people by twenty you're firmly in the stance that blaming their shitty upbringing no longer serves as an excuse for their adult problems. I'm throwing Ireland a bone until thirty. And anything up to manslaughter, though manslaughter if her parents.read more

Jessica Alba Planned Pokies

Jessica Alba will do anything to distract from the news stories about her Honest Company's sourcing product through the Axis Chemicals waste cauldron that produced The Joker. If you have to rub ice on your nipples to rescue your IPO, cowboy up and crack open the freezer.read more

Alessandra Ambrosio Downward Facing Dog

While the feminist world is striving to be treated like men, minus the prostate cancer and ceaseless decades of work, they're being betrayed by their own gender naturally obsessed with celebrity, fashion, and looks. A quick search reveals that the last forty to infinity articles in female journals on Alessandra Ambrosio are about her figure, her hair, her clothes, or how cute her children look in designer outfits.read more

Farrah Abraham Empire Building

Farrah Abraham is quietly turning her fifteen minutes of teen pregnancy fame into a small empire of strip mall stores and online vagina molds that might just make her a wealthy woman. Abraham just opened a frozen yogurt shop in Texas, with her furniture store and children's clothing boutique prepping to open later this summer. It used to be that unwed mothers had to go live with their aunts out of state before moving...read more

Charlotte McKinney Won't Quit

The fact that a blond chick with giant tits and a tiny waist has to work this hard to get ahead speaks to the level of competition in the Does She Even Speak, Who the Hell Cares sector of the digital media sector. What used to earn you an older husband with substantial real estate holdings barely guarantees you more than a car show appearance in the social media age.read more

Kim Kardashian Fuckable Posedown

Kim Kardashian was selected to cover GQ magazine's Love Sex and Madness edition wherein the periodical uses pre-screened responses from a celebrity's public relations representatives to provide relationship advice to their softly metrosexual readers. GQ promises this is Kim Kardashian as you've never seen her before. So clothes and no black dick in her ass.read more

Bella Thorne Shares Her Colonoscopy

It's impossible to over-share on social media. Tales of stupidity become LOL stories. Plastic surgery scars are accepted as war stories. You can document floaters in your bowl and you'd get ten thousand flower emojis. It's hard to blame the entertainer for sinking to lowest common denominator content when the audience is demanding dullard content.read more

Ava Sambora See Through Bikinis

What if Heather Locklear and Richie Sambora made a baby and she turned eighteen and started modeling revealing bikinis? That immortal question didn't take long to answer.read more

Kylie Jenner Nipple Barking

If Kim Jong-un got caught taking a leak next to his car outside the football stadium you'd probably be able to put it in context of his larger crimes. Nobody is accused of genocide and public urination in the same damning sentence.read more

Phoebe Price And Ana Braga Working It, But Who's Paying?

You can view those stories of 30-something career minor league ballplayers hanging on for their shot as inspiring tales of commitment to a dream or profiles in futility. There's a rich psychological profiling that can be done based upon your answer. Phoebe Price has spent the better part of fifteen years hoping that showing off her tit and ass freckles in Beverly Hills will get her work.read more

Khloe Kardashian Has Changed

There's never been an oblong duckling who's worked harder, spent more money, or cried more tears to Jesus to be pretty like her whore sisters than Khloe Kardashian. A constant barrage of surgeries and implants and cinches and bleaching and lasers has turned Khloe Kardashian into some type of perfect black baller cupcake of sex. The question can never be, was it all worth it, it has to be, what was the alternative.read more

Josephine Skriver in A Thong

According to some decidedly amateur research, this Victoria's Secret model is working more than any of her fellow thong servants. There are no straight men working in the lingerie empire which leads to a far less obvious reason for her fast rise.read more