Not Your Father's Forever 21

Forever 21 is famous for ripping off fashion designers and producing their same trending crap at cheap prices for girls who imagine themselves Zooey Deschanel. They're also known for their born-again Christian immigrant owners who turned discount fashion into a four billion dollar personal net worth.read more

Ciara Tits Win Every Billboard Award

The Billboard Music Awards serve as a reminder that erhu plucked tunes over Chinese restaurant intercoms is not the world's most annoying music. Teenaged girls like super shitty music. Followed closely by teenaged boys trying to get laid by teenaged girls.read more

Lindsay Lohan Swimsuit On A Yacht

Lindsay Lohan credits her new underaged Russian boyfriend with everything from inspiring her to get back into acting to eradicating her herpes with Stoli shooters and Eastern black magic. Less credited is his willingness to front recreational drug money and stay mum on how Lohan's several years past going braless on a moving watercraft.read more

Victoria Silvstedt Swimsuit Trolling At Eden Roc

Every mid-May Victoria Silvstedt pushes pudding into the mouth of her older fat French benefactor by the Eden Roc hotel pool while keeping her eyes out for her next human IRA. At forty-one, Silvstedt is the Bartolo Colon of gold digging. If you wanted to blast a load in Bartolo Colon's bottom, snap a keepsake, and start a new life under the name Claude in the former Eastern bloc.read more

Tyga's New Girlfriend Seems Sophisticated

Tyga, who seems to owe a ton of people a ton of money, showed up in Cannes with a brand new trophy girlfriend. Something to get over Kylie Jenner. You never forget the first seventeen year old who insisted on anal without prompting.read more

Ariel Winter Cashing In

If there's one thing Ariel Winter doesn't want to speak about, it's her tits. She's testing compliance by showing them off in various revealing tops. Fuck, look at those beasts. I mean, look away. Which one is body shaming again?read more

Chrissy Teigen Have Tits Will Travel

Five weeks after giving birth to her sperm dynamically centrifuged daughter, Chrissy Teigen is back to her normal routine of wearing low cut tops, posting rants on Twitter, and pretending she's as pretty as other swimsuit models. Teigen took shit for having evenings out on the town with her husband without their infant daughter. John Legend demanded that if people were going to 'mommy shame' his wife, they shame him as...read more

Farrah Abraham Wins Just For Showing Up

Farrah Abraham works invitations to mildly legitimate press events while other porn actresses are obviously excluded. She invokes the Kardashian exception citing that chicks who became famous from being fucked from behind on camera but also have reality shows are to be classified as fringe celebrity, not sex workers.read more

Tess Holliday Pregnant Fat and Unafraid

Tess Holliday continues to insist that super fucking fat is a term of denigration rather than a medical designation. The plus-plus sized model who works almost entirely in theory, continues to post nearly naked photos of her pregnant body as a form of protest against those who insist she's unhealthy, if not just entirely visually disturbing:read more

Bella Hadid Tits And Falcon

French dudes won't quit inventing adorable ways to meet visiting American women. At least in the movies where Gerard Depardieu is a handsome teddy bear and not an obese trainable peeing in the aisle of a commercial aircraft. Some guy landed his trained falcon next to Bella Hadid in the middle of a photo shoot in Cannes. In case you thought your Tesla was still getting traction.read more

Tianna Gregory in A Bikini

Tianna Gregory is a fitness model with artificially accentuated curves whose risen to thee million Instagram followers and gaining. By standard rules of commercial exploitation, that means Gregory scores around three grand per sponsored post. She's not filling inventory at Kardashian rates, but you book one a week and you've got yourself $150,000 a year supplementary income from showing off your ass on social media.read more

Amateur Topless Strip Competition In Sydney Gone Wrong

Australia fancies itself a gender progressive society which means men have to pretend to be offended when other men are discovered acting like men. Putting your real name to comments on news sites outraged over the way women are mistreated by a male privileged society never hurts if you want the cuckold straps un-cinched from around your sac.read more

Courtney Stodden Pregnant

Courtney Stodden is pregnant, presumably by her much older on again off again child rapist and SAG healthcare benefits provider. Stodden points to numerous difficulties with being pregnant at this time. Her troubled marriage, her born again mom revealing she wants to fuck her daughter's husband, and the fact that her uterus is forty-seven years old and used to do the Fully Stuffed show at the Charlemagne Night Club...read more

Heidi Klum in A Bikini Tanning at Eden Roc

There may be something to all those celebrities lying about medical issues so they can use surrogates to birth their offspring. Breeding is the beautiful miracle of life, but a motherfucker on your abdominals. You can always spot the mothers of large broods sunning by the pool. Who hurt you, Heidi?read more

Amanda Peet Reluctant Dunham Feminist (VIDEO)

Amanda Peet joined the cackling hens of The View to discuss her essay on Lena Dunham's feminist blog regarding her decision to never undergo knife or needle to maintain her looks. Through their cakes of makeup and Botox injected maws, The View co-hostesses pretended to give a shit what this naturally attractive 44-year old bitch was prattling on about while blindly texting their surgeons for more deep demolition work.read more