It’s easy to root against rappers. For every one originally talented gangster, there’s twenty stoned posers with stupid names and recycled sounds and a love of weapons they don’t know how to handle. Last week 2 Chainz denied being held up at gunpoint in San Francisco, even though he clearly was. 2 Chainz just had to go street justice on the mofo who came up on him with a gat. So bad ass! You know, until the surveillance video comes out. Now I’ve got to take his poster off my wall and laser off this fucking 2 Chainz Forever tattoo.
I know what you’re thinking. I wonder how rapper 2 Chainz is doing since he done got jacked in the Bay Area over the weekend. He’s doing just great. In fact, he’s denying it ever took place, you know, despite police reports and witnesses. He’s also got some rules he had to share on Twitter. Three of them in fact. Like Moses, but for the shorter attention span of the modern generation:
Rule #1 if a rapper gets robbed people usually post items that has been taken. Rings, chains, watch, money etc.
Makes sense, 2 Chainz.
Rule #2 if a rapper gets shot he usually go to hospital or dies.
No doubt, 2 Chainz. Speak the truth.
Rule #3 we definitely got geeked up in San Fran, best smoke in the world. 2 blessed 2 stress.
Oh, man, 2 Chainz is back!
Police are worried 2 Chainz is going to try and handle this ‘jacking’ on his own. God knows the world can’t stand to lose any more robbers or rappers.