Lindsay Lohan has no business at an acting award ceremony of course, so she did not attend the Emmys Sunday night. She is an alcoholic drug-addict however, so she very much did attend the Emmy after-parties, including one at the Chateau Marmont.
When she stumbled out “definitely drunk” around 3:30am, she was in no mood for the paparazzi. As she ducked down to drinkdo drugshave sex with something hide, they asked things like “are yoo a bade influence on your seester?”
Then, as if to answer “yes”, she took a can of Amstel Light and threw it at them. Luckily there just happened to be an open can of beer in her hand, even though she doesn’t drink. Maybe that cars back seat makes Amstel Light. Do they have cars like that? I didn’t think they did but Lindsay doesn’t drink or lie, so it’s the only logical explanation.
‘Gossip Girl’ stars Blake Lively and Leighton Meester presented the Emmy for Best Guest Actor in a Comedy last night, and Leighton is super hot of course, but she looks exactly like porn star Tori Black (here and here. Can anyone even tell them apart? I would pay 10,000 dollars for every time they kissed). And since Regular Tori Black doubles as Slutty Tori Black, Leighton needs to do more than just look like Regular Tori Black. Maybe she could hold a flashlight under her chin and be Telling A Ghost Story Tori Black. Something like that, except, you know, not retarded.
Every single thing Ricky Gervais does is funny, and last night as he presented the Emmy for Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Series was no exception. You can just look at him and tell he’s about to do something funny. Just like you can look at someone with their jeans hanging beneath their ass and tell they’re about to break one or more laws, probably upside your ass.
‘Mad Men’ star Christina Hendricks is definitive proof that huge breasts are the ultimate tie-breaker. She’s at least 30 Hollywood pounds overweight, but no one cares because her enormous rack brings so much joy to the world. Specifically, the part of the world around my crotch.
I’ve never seen ‘Two and a Half Men’ but I still know it sucks and I hate it (even though they’ve had the good sense to guest cast Megan Fox and my beloved Paget Brewster, who is tied with Amy Poehler as the best comedy actress alive). It may seem presumptuous to hate something I’ve never seen, but I’ve never witnessed a family being burned alive in a car either and yet I’m confident when I say I bet it’s unpleasant.
Point being, Neil Patrick Harris probably should have won the Emmy for Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy, so he was right to throw a hissy fit when he didn’t. This video (part 2 on the other side) is moments after he lost to Jon Cryer of ‘Two and a Half Men’. I would have done the same thing, except with way more profanity and more than likely the N-word a few times because I get nervous in front of crowds and make inappropriate jokes.
Shortly after winning the Emmy for Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy, spinner Kristin Chenoweth had to be seen by paramedics as she started to suffer from a migraine. But it turns out she was fine. My source for this is any of the over 2400 news articles about it on google news. Awesome, right? In a related story, a house burned down during the Emmys but it wasn’t Kristins it was someone else’s so she’s okay house-wise too. Oh I know. My heart was in my throat from all the tension.
