The Hollywood Reporter says the ratings for last nights Emmy Awards were just slightly higher than last year (a 10.0 in 2009, a 10.1 for 2010) which proves that people will watch anything because that show never makes any god damn sense. First of all, everyone always looks like hell. January Jones looked like a fishing lure, and Anna Paquin dressed up like Judge Dredd.
Then on top of that, the winners usually suck, highlighted last night by Jim Parsons winning Best Actor in a Comedy. What they’re saying is that the funniest person on TV this year was a guy on ‘the Big Bang Theory’, and that he was better in a comedy than Larry David or Alec Baldwin, or Adam Scott in ‘Party Down’ or Joel McHale in ‘Community’.
How does someone that simple minded even figure out how to vote? How many ballots were sent before they stopped eating them? It would be like an award for a suspense movie, and ‘the Usual Suspects’ losing to a home movie of someone playing ‘Got Your Nose’ with a toddler. “Where did it go?’, Emmy voters would cry out in disbelief!
KRISTEN BELL - is engaged, and I’ll tell you who the lucky fella is when we come back. And we’re back: Dax Shepard. (wonderwall)
SCIENTOLOGY - is profiteering in Haiti. “Yeah, no wonder Travolta was over there, haha,” Brendon said to buy time while he looked up if “profiteering” was good or bad. (gawker)
KATY PERRY - might have a “clothing optional” wedding, which is to say she might be naked. I can’t wait to find out if she does it! Oohhh, I wonder what the answer will be?! I bet it’s surprising! (people)
LADY GAGA - wore this as her third outfit at the Grammys last night. She looks like the mascot for some shitty minor league baseball team. (getty)
This was the second outfit Lady GaGa wore at the Grammys last night, and AHHHH WTF! To be honest I really do appreciate that she’s at least trying new things, she’s at least trying to be different and original and that’s all I can ask for, but good lord she is unpleasant to look at. No wonder she hangs out with Perez. It’s the only time she’s ever the good looking one. If she ever got pregnant and he was the donor, I would just start punching her in the stomach and wouldn’t stop until we got to the delivery room and a little ghost came out of her and floated up through the ceiling.
Katy Perrys outfit for the Grammys pretty much sucked (pictures here, here, here), but she made up for it with this low cut dress at the EMI after party, guaranteeing her a place on Tyler and a night full of stilted conversations while guys pretended not to stare at her tits.
Unfortunately her limey boyfriend was there too, pawin all over her with his grubby little scurvy infected hands, and I could only crop him out so many times. So for this one I took her out and put her on a date with Captain America. Suck on that, England!
Lady GaGa was of course the center of attention last night at the Grammy Awards, even though her only wins came for Best Dance Recording and Best Dance Album. She was shut out of the big 3 categories, Record of the Year (Kings of Leon), Album of the Year (Taylor Swift), and Song of the Year (Beyonce - Single Ladies).
Nonetheless all eyes were on her because she wore 3 different shocking outfits, each one more shocking than the one before. I even hyperventilated and then blacked out for a while after I saw the third one, on account of how shocked I was. This was the first one, a dress designed by Niels Bohr. It looks like a old timey drawing of an atom and electron. And stuff. This isn’t especially relevant but just so you know what kind of page this is, I have no idea what an electron does.
According to the Grammys, the Grammys always has an amazing musical number that has everyone talking about it the next day. That seems more than a little presumptuous, but the attempt to cram wonder down our throats last night was the opening performance by Lady GaGa, which ended up as a duet with Elton John. It was the fulfillment of a fear I never knew I had, and began the nights theme of choosing duets based on picking random names out of a hat. The only things these two have in common is that they both have a penis, and they’re both visually disturbing. Forget about having sex with either one, I wouldn’t even eat one of them if I was a vulture in the desert.
