50 Cent And Rick Ross Make Mamma Proud

By Matt May 29, 2015 @ 6:14 AM

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A video of Rick Ross’ girlfriend Lastonia Leviston getting railed over a couch by some random dude was posted online months back. At some point another version appeared with 50 Cent’s head superimposed onto the guy’s body. Rick Ross claims 50 Cent posted the video first. 50 Cent claims someone in Ross’ entourage first leaked the video and he just innocently linked to it like a rascal. Ross had previously stated in a radio interview he planned to release the video because he’ll be in the grave soon and up to this point he has never done anything bad and is a veritable imposter. The chick sued 50 Cent, and 50 is now suing Ross to cover the amount of the judgement if he loses. Unfortunately none of the legal docs are loaded with pure anthrax.

This is what the Romans would have done before they were wiped out if they had technology and weren’t busy butt fucking the help. 50 Cent and Ross will eventually have to pay this poor chick for the loss of dignity she never had in the first place. Realistically she should be suing the guy who first leaked the video but he’s not even rich enough to have an Instagram account. Women complain about shaming and bullying yet 50 Cent gets to yuck it up on TV with Bryant Gumbel while Jezebel blogs about the evils of fitness modeling. In the end we need a moratorium on rappers who don’t make songs. Watch the news. Being shot in the face is no longer a skill. You smell like Cheese Puffs and rape.

Photo Credit: Instagram

50 Cent Has Bank Account Frozen

By Matt December 03, 2014 @ 7:55 AM

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50 Cent is unable to access his personal bank account because his wages are being garnished. Cent owes Sleek Audio $17 million dollars because he lost a lawsuit to them in a convincing blowout. They claim he stole their headphone design and tried to market a similar product as a 50 Cent original. They are making remarkable strides in headphone technology these days, like making them bigger and different colors and naming them after rappers. Sleek must have patented a new shade of black or original avenue of ripping off Dr. Dre’s idea. According to 50′s people he still has access to his business accounts in which he holds strong futures in cheap champagne and Valtrex. 50 is appealing the fine and the guys from Sleek are holed up in a Vegas hotel room with a handle of Jim Beam wondering why 50 Cent doesn’t subscribe to the Harvard Code of business ethics.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

50 Cent’s Literacy Challenge

By Lex August 26, 2014 @ 10:44 AM

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This is why I wouldn’t step up and Kickstart Geordie’s Reading Rainbow. A little knowledge is not a good thing. 5o Cent claims he’s worried about Floyd Mayweather’s illiteracy. Illiteracy is a nationwide epidemic that affects upwards of one-hundred percent of people who can’t read. Or forty-five percent of the Los Angeles school district, though in a 1985 statement, they say they’re working hard on it. It was forty-seven percent by last count, so maybe not working super hard. 50 Cent decided the best way to bring light to his former friend’s plight was to challenge Mayweather to read a page of a Harry Potter book aloud without sounding out the words. For this feat, 50 Cent would donate $750,000 to Mayweather’s charity of choice. 50 Cent knows Mayweather can’t read so this was more of a taunt than a challenge. Also, what kind of grown man wants to read Harry Potter?

Mayweather’s no dummy. Figuratively speaking. Literally, obviously, he is a dummy. He fired back with his pictures of his last two paychecks from his promoter totaling $72 million. And a simple message, ‘read this’. I suppose it was meant to say, read this, you Chelsea Handler Fucking Dumbledore Rapping Clown Piece of Shit. If only Mayweather could spell, he could really express his feelings.

Mayweather’s point is well taken. You don’t need to know how to read if you can make $72 million in a single year as a professional boxer. Or even a Super Bowl winning quarterback or a rapper who bangs babies into Kim Kardashian. If this is  your plan, I’d quit school right now and get to it. There are only about 20 spots open nationwide and they’re probably filling up fast. P.S. Voldemort dies.

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Photo credit: Splash News / Floyd Mayweather Twitter

50-Cent Needs to Stop Calling People Thirsty Bitches

By Lex April 25, 2014 @ 4:31 PM

Sally Ferreira Nude And Covered For Smooth Magazine
Everybody wants free speech but nobody quite knows what to do with it. Social media is a modern day marvel of free speech so people mostly use it to share pictures of their lunch or call somebody they don’t know an asshole. I do one of those things. You don’t need to see my cheese sandwich. The courts still haven’t quite figured out what to do when drunk stupid people Tweet out libelous stuff because it’s just so goddamned easy. Courtney Love got cleared of calling her former attorney a whoring hack, because there’s some assumption that drunk social media posting is not supposed to be taken seriously by the readers. 50 Cent just called a an ass-dancing rap video chick a thirsty video bitch claiming she sold photos of a secret video shoot she was in with 50 to the tabloids, also suggesting he was boning her.

“WARNING: Do not attempt to work with this thirsty Video bitch [Her name is Sally Ferreira and she’s a model...] she sent photos Of the video shoot to Mediatakeout Saying I’m in a relationship Withher Cananyone say RESHOOT”

MediaTakeOut is that site where you can see lots of secretly shot black celebrity cock and vagina if that’s your thing. I go daily. This Sally Ferreira has now filed a lawsuit claiming 50′s harshly misspelled accusations put in peril three major entertainment jobs she was up for. I think one of the major entertainment jobs was at the Spearmint Rhino, but I can’t be sure, so I won’t say it’s a fact because she seems really fucking litigious. However this important legal case between pimping Mac Daddy takedown artist and skeezing rap video dancer shakes out, I can only hope the judge sentences them both to a remote island where robots will hunt them down, singe them with lasers, then desecrate their bodies according to an anciently programmed Aztec blood letting ritual. Lady Justice would totally watch the vision impaired version of that.

Photo Credit: Smooth Magazine

50 Cent on Kanye and Kim Kardashian: “One mans trash…”

By brendon August 13, 2012 @ 2:20 PM

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Taken out of context, it may have sounded like an insult when XXL asked 50 Cent about Kanye West and Kim Kardashian and 50 referred to Kim as “trash”, but when you read it in context…

XXL: “Kanye took to his Twitter to announce that he wrote the song “Perfect Bitch” about Kim Kardashian. What do you think?”
50 CENT: “I mean…if that man feel like she perfect, then she’s perfect. He could mean it and you’ll end up singing the words to it because he’s Kanye. You know how it is? One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.”

Oh ok never mind. It sounds just as bad in context. Then again what was 50 supposed to say? He’s right, Kim is trash. If she and Kanye get married this is what their wedding invitation should look like.

50 Cent is in the hospital

By brendon June 26, 2012 @ 10:11 AM

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50 Cent clings to life at a university hospital after being viciously attacked by a pack of wild dogs in an abandoned pool. Wait, no. I’m thinking of ‘Anchorman’. 50 is in the hospital because his SUV was hit by a truck. But was his SUV bullet-proof? Let’s go to 50′s website and find out.

50 Cent was in a bad accident tonight as his bullet-proof SUV (note: A-HA!) was rear-ended by a Mack truck on the LIE in NYC.
He was put on a stretcher and taken to the nearest Queens hospital where they are currently running test on his neck and back.

Oh so guns are useless but Mack trucks might break his neck? I Think 50 Cents website is trying to kill him.