50 Cent’s Literacy Challenge

By Lex August 26, 2014 @ 10:44 AM

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This is why I wouldn’t step up and Kickstart Geordie’s Reading Rainbow. A little knowledge is not a good thing. 5o Cent claims he’s worried about Floyd Mayweather’s illiteracy. Illiteracy is a nationwide epidemic that affects upwards of one-hundred percent of people who can’t read. Or forty-five percent of the Los Angeles school district, though in a 1985 statement, they say they’re working hard on it. It was forty-seven percent by last count, so maybe not working super hard. 50 Cent decided the best way to bring light to his former friend’s plight was to challenge Mayweather to read a page of a Harry Potter book aloud without sounding out the words. For this feat, 50 Cent would donate $750,000 to Mayweather’s charity of choice. 50 Cent knows Mayweather can’t read so this was more of a taunt than a challenge. Also, what kind of grown man wants to read Harry Potter?

Mayweather’s no dummy. Figuratively speaking. Literally, obviously, he is a dummy. He fired back with his pictures of his last two paychecks from his promoter totaling $72 million. And a simple message, ‘read this’. I suppose it was meant to say, read this, you Chelsea Handler Fucking Dumbledore Rapping Clown Piece of Shit. If only Mayweather could spell, he could really express his feelings.

Mayweather’s point is well taken. You don’t need to know how to read if you can make $72 million in a single year as a professional boxer. Or even a Super Bowl winning quarterback or a rapper who bangs babies into Kim Kardashian. If this is  your plan, I’d quit school right now and get to it. There are only about 20 spots open nationwide and they’re probably filling up fast. P.S. Voldemort dies.

Paycheck-to-Floyd-Mayweather

Photo credit: Splash News / Floyd Mayweather Twitter

50-Cent Needs to Stop Calling People Thirsty Bitches

By Lex April 25, 2014 @ 4:31 PM

Sally Ferreira Nude And Covered For Smooth Magazine
Everybody wants free speech but nobody quite knows what to do with it. Social media is a modern day marvel of free speech so people mostly use it to share pictures of their lunch or call somebody they don’t know an asshole. I do one of those things. You don’t need to see my cheese sandwich. The courts still haven’t quite figured out what to do when drunk stupid people Tweet out libelous stuff because it’s just so goddamned easy. Courtney Love got cleared of calling her former attorney a whoring hack, because there’s some assumption that drunk social media posting is not supposed to be taken seriously by the readers. 50 Cent just called a an ass-dancing rap video chick a thirsty video bitch claiming she sold photos of a secret video shoot she was in with 50 to the tabloids, also suggesting he was boning her.

“WARNING: Do not attempt to work with this thirsty Video bitch [Her name is Sally Ferreira and she’s a model...] she sent photos Of the video shoot to Mediatakeout Saying I’m in a relationship Withher Cananyone say RESHOOT”

MediaTakeOut is that site where you can see lots of secretly shot black celebrity cock and vagina if that’s your thing. I go daily. This Sally Ferreira has now filed a lawsuit claiming 50′s harshly misspelled accusations put in peril three major entertainment jobs she was up for. I think one of the major entertainment jobs was at the Spearmint Rhino, but I can’t be sure, so I won’t say it’s a fact because she seems really fucking litigious. However this important legal case between pimping Mac Daddy takedown artist and skeezing rap video dancer shakes out, I can only hope the judge sentences them both to a remote island where robots will hunt them down, singe them with lasers, then desecrate their bodies according to an anciently programmed Aztec blood letting ritual. Lady Justice would totally watch the vision impaired version of that.

Photo Credit: Smooth Magazine

50 Cent on Kanye and Kim Kardashian: “One mans trash…”

By brendon August 13, 2012 @ 2:20 PM

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Taken out of context, it may have sounded like an insult when XXL asked 50 Cent about Kanye West and Kim Kardashian and 50 referred to Kim as “trash”, but when you read it in context…

XXL: “Kanye took to his Twitter to announce that he wrote the song “Perfect Bitch” about Kim Kardashian. What do you think?”
50 CENT: “I mean…if that man feel like she perfect, then she’s perfect. He could mean it and you’ll end up singing the words to it because he’s Kanye. You know how it is? One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.”

Oh ok never mind. It sounds just as bad in context. Then again what was 50 supposed to say? He’s right, Kim is trash. If she and Kanye get married this is what their wedding invitation should look like.

50 Cent is in the hospital

By brendon June 26, 2012 @ 10:11 AM

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50 Cent clings to life at a university hospital after being viciously attacked by a pack of wild dogs in an abandoned pool. Wait, no. I’m thinking of ‘Anchorman’. 50 is in the hospital because his SUV was hit by a truck. But was his SUV bullet-proof? Let’s go to 50′s website and find out.

50 Cent was in a bad accident tonight as his bullet-proof SUV (note: A-HA!) was rear-ended by a Mack truck on the LIE in NYC.
He was put on a stretcher and taken to the nearest Queens hospital where they are currently running test on his neck and back.

Oh so guns are useless but Mack trucks might break his neck? I Think 50 Cents website is trying to kill him.

Monday afternoon headlines

By brendon October 04, 2010 @ 7:36 PM

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SUPERMAN – is being produced by Christopher Nolan and written by Nolan and David Goyer (they directed and wrote ‘Batman Begins’ and ‘the Dark Knight’), and today it was announced that it will be directed by Zack Snyder, who directed ‘300’ and ‘Watchmen’. Will it be in 3D? Maybe. Will it have tons of slow motion bullshit and homoerotic outfits? Yes. (LA Times)

50 CENT – might have been on a date last night in New Orleans with Chelsea Handler. I’ve got a good feeling about these two. Wedding bells can’t be far off, I bet. (tmz)

READER EMAIL - Dan wants to know: “Are you seriously so god damn dumb you can’t even use ‘to’ or ‘too’ correctly?” Well, if you see it wrong on the page, then apparently I am. Not sure I can make it much more clear than that.

KATY PERRY – was in Munich this weekend for Oktoberfest and to do some weird German TV show. Since she’s weird as hell too it was the most perfect fit since I hosted a show on the Handsome Man Channel.

50 Cent says to blame it all on TI’s wife

By brendon September 03, 2010 @ 4:05 PM

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When T.I. and his visually disturbing wife Tiny Cottle were arrested in West Hollywood Wednesday night for possession of a controlled substance, reportedly marijuana and meth, it was a clear violation of his probation, and as the LA Times says, “the case has the potential to put one of music’s top names in behind bars yet again.”

Ahh, but wait just one second, because 50 Cent went on twitter with a magic solution…

Man TI and Tiny done got picked up again for methamphetmines and ecstasy dam man. Tiny gotta take that charge. Say it was yours baby.

If Tiny doesn’t volunteer, T.I. should just blame her anyway. I don’t know if they’re friends, or if rap guys have a problem taking advice from one another, but T.I. should listen to 50. Just the fact that he never married anyone that ugly already makes him a thousand times smarter than T.I.