A new single from 50 dropped today, and no one asked me (which hurts my feelings) but it’s pretty great. And this isn’t really relevant, but it still amazes me that a pretend thug like Sean Combs is the biggest force in hip-hop. His music is universally awful, and when he raps it gets even worse. His lyrics sound like the raps 9-year-old white kids used to send to Nintendo Power. "My name is Sean and I'm here to say, the Legend of Zelda is a-okay. Link is brave, he’s the best, and until he’s saves Zelda, I won't rest. Ganon thinks, he’s won the game, but if you ask me, he’s pretty lame. So try this game, it's really fun, but I’m sorry to say, my rap is done."
Some people are online today saying this video of a Croatian journalist who surprised 50 Cent in his dressing room is all kinds of scandalous because it shows 50 doing a line of cocaine (skip forward to about 1:30). And maybe their European video watching skills are better than mine because I cant see a thing. Everyone here sounds like Dracula which made it confusing and scary, but still, enjoy.
Last year, 50 Cent locked up an endorsement deal with Glaceau water that included stock options, and now that Coke has bought Glaceau for $4.1 billion, that stock is worth 100 million dollars (mu-hah-hah-hah). Page Six says:
A year ago, Forbes profiled Fitty, who parlayed his thug image into a business empire including a deal with Glaceau, which named a flavor after him in exchange for equity in the company. The rapper said he thought the label had promise and could one day be gobbled up by Coke. Now, Coca-Cola's $4.1 billion agreement to buy Glaceau, maker of Vitamin Water, is making him $100 million richer.
In a related story, I discovered that plasma companies keep shoddy records and you can sell twice in the same day if you time the shift change right. Sure there are some side effects, but … aww, jeez … I don’t feel so WHUMP.
Tony Yayo, a member of 50 Cent's G-Unit crew that I’ve never heard of, was arrested last week on assault charges after he allegedly attacked a 14-year-old boy in Manhattan. The boy is the son of manager Jimmy Rosemond, who is the CEO of Czar Entertainment. Czar manages several hip-hop artists, including The Game, who is a rival of 50. Yayo allegedly smacked the 14-year-old when he saw him on the street wearing a Czar Entertainment t-shirt.
And you’re probably wondering, “yes, I get that they hate kids, but what about the Jews?“ Well don’t worry, they don’t like Jews either. 50 called into a New York radio show yesterday and said:
“Worry about the Je-Je-Je-Jew unit. They're the real goon squad. When the lawyers come out, you'll see what it is. I don't pay nobody. I only pay the lawyers."
I read that four times, mostly because I can barely read, but also because 50 talks like someone who just landed here on a spaceship. “Je-Je-Je-Je-Jew”? What the fuck does that mean? Was he on a roller coaster when he called, or a bronco? “Je-Je-Je-Je-Jew” sounds like 50 was making little train sounds, something you rarely hear people doing outside the spaz community, and really not very intimidating at all. Rappers are also the only ones who get into fights with champagne bottles while wearing full length fur coats, as if life was some kind of 80‘s soap opera. So in conclusion, rappers might wanna reconsider who they model their tough-guy theatrics after. Am i being attacked or entertained?
50 Cent says in this months Elle magazine that Oprah Winfrey is an "oreo" - black on the outside, white on the inside - because she,
"started out with black women's views but has been catering to middle-aged white American women for so long that she's become one herself. I think the idea of being publicly noted that she's a billionaire makes [black women] interested in seeing her views. But it's even more exciting to the demographic of white American women she's been aiming at to see that she has the exact same views that they have."
It's kind of hard to sound like tough guy during an interview with Elle, but whatever, because he’s right. Nothing is more entertaining than to watch Oprah sista-it-up whenever she has a black guest. Black people should be offended. She might as well pat them on the head. It’s the equivalent of her having an Asian guest and then pulling her eyes back and putting chopsticks in her hair, then saying, “Ha-row. I rove you pretty dress, you a-rook-a soo pretty.”
