Adam Levine Gets Married (Fuck Yeah, Tool) And Shit Around The Web

By Jack July 21, 2014 @ 1:14 PM

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Adam Levine somehow managed to land himself a Victoria’s Secret model wife. It reminds me of a little piece of advice my grandfather gave me when I asked him why girls didn’t want to date sweet lovable guys like me, “Mijo, chicks are fucking crazy and they love assholes”.

Read all about the fucktard and his Namibian princess bride. (Dlisted)

Lea Michele may be a killer shrew, but she wears a bikini well, damn her. (Drunken Stepfather)

Selena Gomez wears one of your grandma’s doilies and still gives you a hard-on. (Huffington Post)

Casey Kasem’s mummified corpse has gone missing. (The Superficial)

Emily Ratajkowski is practically swimming out of this bikini. (The Chive)

Homunculus ‘roidhead The Rock is going to render unto us Shazam. (io9)

Former Miss Universe Olivia Culpo remains super fucking hot.(TMZ)

Adam Levine’s New Hair Is So Cool

By Travis May 05, 2014 @ 1:00 PM

In one of the celebrity whoring videos that Proactiv passes off as a commercial, Maroon 5 singer Adam Levine talks about how he used to be a total loser geek like the rest of us before he became a huge star. He had really bad acne in high school and that crushed his self-esteem, but then he got his hands on some magic face-cleaning jizz and suddenly he was a huge global music superstar and one of the people on The Voice. Somewhere in between, his heart was also ripped out of his chest by Anne V., so he made up for it by getting engaged to Behati Prinsloo, who he posed with in this otherwise stupid selfie of his new blond hairstyle. The point of this is that we should all make fun of Adam for being a huge douchebag, but he probably doesn’t give two shits what anyone thinks of him anymore. And if he does, he’ll wait until after he’s done finishing on Behati’s chest to let us know about it.

Photo Credits: Adam Levine’s Twitter

Anne Vyalitsyna is photogenic

By brendon November 27, 2012 @ 6:10 PM

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The best picture here of Anne Vyalitsyna (the Russian Sports Illustrated and Victorias Secret model who dated Maroon 5 singer Adam Levine for two years before breaking up with him through a press release) is probably this one, where the camera is unapologetically pointed right up her ass. More paparazzi need to show this kind of can-do spirit. It’s not like they’re taking pictures for a high school yearbook for fucks sake.

(image source of anne in miami = bauer griffin)

Christina Aguilera is 2 hours late to ‘the Voice’ almost every day

By brendon May 11, 2012 @ 3:01 PM

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Christina Aguilera is a self-centered bitch with an impossible ego, so she truly doesn’t care if the entire cast and crew of ‘The Voice’ have to wait for her to arrive on set every day.

In fact she’s so apathetic that the producers started fining her for being late, which made absolutely no impact whatsoever.

“Christina is consistently about two hours late,” a source tells Radar. “For season three this has got to stop.”
“Whatever her fine is now doesn’t bother her.
“Higher-ups on the show want to raise it to a number that does bother her so she actually arrives on time.”

And once she arrives, she’s even more delightful. During rehearsals Monday night, fellow judge Adam Levine was so enchanted with her antics he called her “a fucking cunt” in front of nearly 70 people. Who probably responded by saying, “amen to that” and “truer words have never been spoken.”

Adam Levine got dumped in a press release

By brendon April 10, 2012 @ 4:34 PM

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Adam Levine and model Anne Vyalitsyna had dated for over 2 years, so many people were surprised last week to read that they had broken up. One of those surprised people was Adam Levine, because that’s how he found out.

Vyalitsyna announced it to the world on April 2 without giving (Levine) a heads-up.
“It was a cheap shot,” a pal tells the new issue of Us Weekly. “Anne didn’t want it to look like he broke up with her.”
Levine — who was home in L.A. when Vyalitsyna broke up with him from NYC — “was blindsided. Adam’s heartbroken. He wasn’t even fully sure they were really broken up.”

If she was sending mixed signals about breaking up he should have done what I do; cry uncontrollably and lay down in front of her tires. If she drives away anyway, let her go, for your love was not to be.

Anne Vyalitsyna at the Victorias Secret show

By brendon November 10, 2011 @ 1:14 PM

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I only know two things about Anne Vyalitsyna:

1. Adam Levine from Maroon 5 is her boyfriend and they played the Victorias Secret fashion show last night and that’s why he’s draped all over her.
2. She has a good name for a vampire.

(source = getty and wenn)