Victoria’s Secret Wants to Know What Is Sexy

By Lex May 15, 2013 @ 12:48 PM

When Victoria’s Secret runs a campaign called ‘What Is Sexy?’ They obviously want you to circle your answer back to buying more of their underwear. But, to me, the real answer is, slave labor. Slave labor is sexy as hell. Who can forget the reports on slave like working conditions in the V.S. subcontractor factories in the Middle East filled with Bangladeshi girls? A locked down industrial park in Jordan might just seem like an exotic adventure to a chick from the suburbs of Dhaka. It’s like being transported right into an Emmanuelle movie.

Workers are allowed just 3.3 minutes to sew each $14 Victoria’s Secret women’s bikini, for which they are paid four cents.

Sure, it’s four cents per unit, but if you could shave just 3 minutes off of your time on each piece, all of a sudden you’re talking minimum wage. These lazy girls from Bangladesh just need to learn to apply themselves. Less crying about missing your pet monkey and more pumping of the sewing machine pedal from your booster seat. Just knowing that the quiet desperation of Southeast Asian girls are soaked into every bikini and pair of panties — now that’s sexy. Also, anything on Adriana Lima.

Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin, PCN, WENN

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Tags: adriana lima, behati prinsloo, lily aldridge |

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Adriana Lima Ass $$$

By Lex May 10, 2013 @ 8:29 AM

That’s Adriana Lima’s ass in a bikini. I tell you this as a friend, you will never have sex with that ass. You can’t afford it. Even if you masturbate thinking about that ass, your phone will ring and a Brazilian sounding operator will ask you for a credit card number. That’s how expensive that ass is.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

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Adriana Lima Should Teach Other Good Looking Women to STFU

By Lex April 19, 2013 @ 1:39 PM

I remember when Robin Wright was so angry about being seen as ‘good looking’, that she decided to only take roles in movies where she could be uglified. She got so fucking mad at the world she married Sean Penn. Might as well just throw yourself down the well. And for what? Because Mother Nature gave you the cruel gift of good looks? Boo fucking hoo. Try being super fugly for a day and you’ll come crying back to fairy godmother begging for a do-over.

Adriana Lima won the hot girl lottery. And unlike all the self-loathing girls who lament being seen as spank bank material, Adriana has done the right and honorable thing of showing off how good looking she is, shutting her trap, smiling, and raking in the dough. It simply doesn’t seem that hard.

Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret

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Adriana Lima Is Very Good Looking

By Lex April 11, 2013 @ 11:54 AM

It seems like only two days ago I made some stupid stink about the overrated mix of girls and food. Now there’s Adriana Lima half naked with Lucky Charms and I know I need to clarify my earlier statement. I don’t like the mix of okay looking stocky girls from Beaumont in bikini tops and batter fried frozen chicken sections. I do like Adriana Lima showing off her boobs and eating sugary breakfast stoner treats. Or, just Adriana and anything. The only rule for hot women is that they can do whatever the fuck they want.

Photo Credit: Esquire UK

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The Brazil Foundation Miami Gala Looked Like Fun

By Travis March 28, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

The Brazil Foundation sorts through stacks of grant proposals from small non-profit groups and “civil society organizations” in order to save the people of Brazil. Once the best of the best are selected, those charities then receive giant bags of money and are charged with doing whatever it is they do. Over the past decade, the foundation has raised more than $17 million for 95 organizations and everyone feels so great about themselves that they throw a big party. But it’s a lot fancier than that so they call it a gala.

This year’s Brazil Foundation Gala was held on Tuesday at the Vizcaya Museum in Miami, and donors and guests paid as much as $150,000 to attend and rub elbows with other rich people who feel great about themselves. But even if you just want to hang out, have a few cocktails and eat whatever chicken with sauce that they’re serving for dinner, you have to pay $1,000 for a ticket.

So how do you get people to show up to this thing and regularly fork over six-figure checks to keep babies from joining drug gangs and killing each other? You invite Brazilian supermodels like Adriana Lima and Raica Oliveira to arrive with their bits and pieces hanging out, and for good measure you also bring along Miss Brazil 2008 Natalia Anderle and German model Melanie Ribbe. I know that last one sounds strange, but Germans always feel comfortable around Brazilians.

(Photo Credits: Eyeworks Production/WENN.com)

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Tags: adriana lima, melanie ribbe, natalia anderle, raica oliveira |

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Adriana Lima Isn’t Really Riding a Bike

By Bill March 12, 2013 @ 9:32 AM

Girls on wheels are hot. Rollerskates, bicycles, motorcycles, hospital gurneys on their way to get larger tits. Anything that rolls makes girls roll hotter. It’s like wearing high heels or a slinky dress or the jizz from their most recent conquest on their cheek. It just adds to the seduction that is woman.

Adriana Lima is already one of the world’s best looking women. She’s from Brazil, where 10 million of the world’s best looking women reside. And Adriana Lima might just be their queen. Which is why Victoria’s Secret pays her a bundle to promote their Malaysian sweat shop crafted feel-good apparel for women. If you wear their clothes, you will look like Adriana. But you’re going to need a bike.

Photo Credit: PCN