Just this week it was announced that Akon will be going to trial for assaulting a fan at a 2007 concert. Now he’s done it again at a concert last week, this time graduating from throwing some guy off the stage to backhanding a woman in the face. In his defense, why do people keep going to his concerts? He may just have to kill one of his fans to teach the others a lesson.
Akon is finally going to trial - Way back on June 6 of 2007, Akon invited a fan on stage then picked him up and violently threw him into the crowd. Now, a mere year and a half later, he’s going to trial for it. Akon has entered a plea of not guilty. Re-read that last sentence, then watch this video. Akon should get R Kellys lawyer. He could claim he wasn’t the one on the video, then countersue the kid for unpaid flying lessons.
The Enzyte CEO got 25 years in jail – this happened last week but you owe it to yourself to read the sentence, "He said it was extremely unlikely someone would get anything notarized saying they had a small penis." *Sigh* Don’t I know it.
Sam Ronson is a hot piece – I wonder if I got a sex change, I would have a chance at that. It would totally be worth it.
Hilary Swank is gonna get fat - "She'll gain 20 to 30 pounds," we're told by a source close to the production. "It's no sweat. She's played a man before. She can handle anything." Hilary Swank as an unattractive or manly woman? Oh I don’t know if I'll believe that. Seems like risky casting.
Way back in the first week of June, Akon was on stage at a concert when a fan threw something on stage, something a local paper said was a piece of a pretzel. Akon then had the soft dough throwing madman brought forward and taught him a lesson by lifting him onto his shoulders and then throwing him into the crowd. Now, six months later, local police have finally gotten off their fat ass and filed charges. Sorta:
Police are slapping the hip-hop star with criminal charges after a fan said she suffered a concussion in the incident. Akon is due in a Fishkill, N.Y., courtroom Monday to be arraigned on misdemeanor charges of endangering the welfare of a minor and second-degree harassment. During the June concert, Akon threw the audience member from the stage into the crowd the boy landed on another fan, Abby Rosa, who told the Poughkeepsie Journal that she suffered a concussion.
So, to recap, if you're famous, picking up a kid and throwing him off an 8 foot stage is second degree harassment. If you're like me, you probably thought second degree harassment was more along the lines of drawing a frowny face on someone's notebook, but no, it's smashing two kids heads together and giving one of them a concussion. Also, digging up the recently dead and fucking them is now considered "loitering" and you're allowed to shoot someone in the face as long as you call "no take backs".
It’s still not clear what a fan threw in this video that drove Akon so nuts, but one source quoted in a local paper said it was a piece of a pretzel. And then, obviously, Akon picked him up and threw him off a stage. Because, you know, why wouldn’t he? Point being, now local police are trying to find the victim to pursue legal action. The Poughkeepsie Journal says:
Detective. Lt. John Berlingieri of the Fishkill Police said talks have been held within the department regarding the possibility of questioning Akon about the incident, which occurred during Fishkill-based WSPK (104.7 FM)’s annual KFEST concert at Dutchess Stadium. “We’re trying to identify that kid, just to find out whether or not we have any kind of criminal offense,” Berlingieri said. “We are looking to speak to him. No victim. No crime.”
Wow these are some kind of super-cops. They're like gazelles - I've never seen such speed. Akon didn't throw the dude into a shredder, he's somewhere, but so what if he's not. You can watch Akon do it, what more do you need? I swear to god we're at the point where a celebrity could make a hat from bald eagles and Eskimos and the cops would just stare at them with their chin on the palms of their hands like some lovesick teen girl.
