Alessandra Ambrosio Was The Best Part Of Coachella

By Travis April 14, 2014 @ 10:00 AM

Victoria’s Secret model Alessandra Ambrosio’s trademark battle cry is “Forever on vacation,”which will definitely make the fives and sixes of the world feel pretty fucking awful about themselves, and the party kept going this past weekend at Coachella. When I think of Coachella, I think of bullshit wannabe hipsters who know absolutely nothing about music and instead want to gawk at a bunch of young, pampered celebrities who also know nothing about music, while bands charge out the ass to take advantage of thousands of drugged up and wasted idiots. I’m probably still not far off, but I can’t really blame anyone for behaving like that when Alessandra and her gang of Brazilian models were walking around in bikinis. The event could be three days of Justin Bieber beatboxing while Lil Za sucks his dick, and I’d still probably say, “Yeah, but Alessandra Ambrosio’s ass, you guys.”

Photo Credits: Alessandra Ambrosio’s Instagram

Alessandra Ambrosio Can Make You Look Pretty Too

By Lex March 14, 2014 @ 4:24 PM

Alessandra Ambrosio Shows Side Boob At The Launch Of 'Ale by Alessandra' In Beverly Hills
Alessandra Ambrosio launched her clothing line, Ale. There’s an accent mark in there somewhere to ratchet up the exotic pricing. It took her three years to come up with the name, then a week to order the underaged girls in Guangdong to sew her up some samples. They’re clothes she likes to wear and thinks you will too. They make her feel pretty. If you happen to be a tall Brazilian model with a perfect body, they’ll probably make you feel pretty too. If not, you can head over to Ale Lady for some colorful shorts with elastic gathering waistbands and the muumuu dresses that Alessandra and her model friends affectionately refer to as heifer wear behind your chubby back. As a general rule, you should never buy shit from people you would’ve hated back in high school.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, Pacific Coast News, Splash

Alessandra Ambrosio And Behati Prinsloo In Bikinis To Celebrate The 2014 Victoria’s Secret Swim Collection

By Lex March 12, 2014 @ 10:12 AM

Alessandra Ambrosio And Behati Prinsloo In Bikinis To Celebrate The 2014 Victoria's Secret Swim Collection

Photo Credit: FameFlynet, Pacific Coast News, Splash

Alessandra Ambrosio Is Still Good At Being Pretty

By Travis February 28, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

Victoria’s Secret model and all-around attractive Brazilian woman Alessandra Ambrosio had a photo shoot in downtown Los Angeles yesterday, and it really challenged her to push her talents to the limits. At one point, she was wearing one dress, but then she changed into another dress, and everyone was just mesmerized by how amazing she is at her job. As for what she was modeling, I’m guessing it was something important like a grocery store or tennis shoes. My other guess is that she’s the face of a brand new line of see-through skirts that have been designed to make guys everywhere ask, “Wait, am I going to get kicked in the balls for looking at your crotch? Because it’s basically staring me in the face.” Nice try, fashion, but we’re smarter than that now.

Photo Credits: Cousart/JFXimages/

Some Very Attractive Women And Paris Hilton Celebrated Super Bowl Weekend

By Travis February 03, 2014 @ 10:00 AM

While you were serving up lukewarm canned chili and mildly-roofied Bud Light at your own Super Bowl party this weekend, the 11th annual Leather and Laces party in New York City was the perfect event for anyone who wanted to stare at the world’s most attractive women for two nights while not giving an actual shit about football. Alessandra Ambrosio, Adriana Lima, Bar Refaeli and Brooklyn Decker attended the party at Liberty Theater and probably made the rest of the women feel really inadequate, but then Paris Hilton showed up and the other guests breathed a collective sigh of relief. Hell, they all could have looked like someone threw acid on Rocky Dennis and people would have still been trying to figure out why Paris was standing next to the Victoria’s Secret A-squad.

Photo Credits:

Alessandra Ambrosio Poses In Bikinis For A Victoria’s Secret Photo Shoot In Miami

By Lex January 31, 2014 @ 11:02 AM

Alessandra Ambrosio Poses In Bikinis For A Victoria's Secret Photo Shoot In Miami

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News