By Lex November 21, 2014 @ 1:33 PM
A guy once tried to punch me for calling Brazilians, Latinos. Because I obviously am deeply versed in the colonial studies of South America, which gay priests killed which natives and took over which countries before being handed over to bearded dictators in a revolving door of coupes, counter coupes, and decade after decade of the same fucking music that was super popular on West African radio in the late 18th century. I barely remember my own country’s origins. What I do remember has been modified to ‘those dudes raped people with smallpox and owned slaves and we hate them now’. I got nothing, Brazilians. I know you don’t speak Spanish, you speak Portuguese, which is Spain’s next door neighbor and you look the same to me and smell like paella. What I meant to say was, there’s Brazilian Alessandra Ambrosio and her boobs at the Latin Grammy’s. Let’s go crack her over the skull with some maracas.
Photo Credit: The Grosby Group/AKM-GSI
By Lex November 10, 2014 @ 8:55 AM
Everything done by an attractive woman merits some form of social contract waiver. That includes up to selfies and manslaughter. Stinky dumps without lighting a match, the jury is still out. If God gave you the looks of Venus, why not document your perfect tits for the world. Snap those raw self-portraits so Aspy dudes in JuCo’s can hack into your cloud and share how much curtain you’re hanging with the rest of us. This wank bank ecosystem only works if the good looking women remain more egotistical than selfish.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex October 07, 2014 @ 8:50 AM
Every couple of years when Brazil calls another election to decide if they want the Workers Socialist Party, the Socialist United Party, or the United Voices of Samba Socialists to ruin their country, the ex-patriot models in the U.S. head to the nearest Brazilian consulate to exercise their right to show off their legs. Without these breathtaking mannequins taking a break from Pilates and having sex with very good looking men, Brazil might otherwise vote to continue its two hundred years of counter-productive governance. Exit polls showed that front runner Dilma Rousseff did very well among the Brazilian supermodel diaspora, propelling him, or, you know, her, to likely victory as the next Brazilian President. Somebody has to be standing at the podium explaining where all the Olympics money went.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex September 05, 2014 @ 12:53 PM
If you ever see your mom dressing like this, it usually means you’re about to get a new stepdad. Hide your trading cards and favorite comic books from the new brats who are about to be your roommates. Alessandra Ambrosio’s kids are probably safe. Showing off her tits is her job. When you get a bit older, the kids at school might rib you about your mom’s appearance, but just fire back, oh yeah, at least everybody wants to fuck my mom. Childhood is only as difficult as you make it.
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, Splash
By Lex August 25, 2014 @ 2:56 PM
For good looking Brazilian women, the work really never stops. Pilates and yoga. That’s daily. Feel like a burger? Fuck you, nibble on pea shoot through Christmas. Too tired to go to the beach again today? Suck it up. Strap on that crotch padded fish tail and get your hair blowing in the onshore breeze. While you’re at it, push out a couple kids because Victoria’s Secret models and NFL running backs have the same career longevity. Your insurance policy used to be your ass in a short skirt? Congratulations. You passed thirty. Now it’s your kids.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, AKM-GSI