Alessandra Ambrosio Pokies

By Lex November 17, 2015 @ 11:19 AM

Alessandra Ambrosio Pokies In Tight Sweater
Alessandra Ambrosio is a constant reminder that if you’re handsome and wealthy you get to marry and have sex with tall attractive women. Also, you do exceedingly well with offers in 24 Hour Fitness saunas. This could be that male privilege thing feminists glean through the study of HuffPo and Jezebel like it’s torah. But ask the fat broke guy how his privilege is working out for him. He’s going to get prostate cancer like the rest of us without the model pussy war stories to share in the ambulatory care unit. Female privilege is pure myth, but if it existed I bet it’d look like cycling at the gym and organizing lunch plans with your girlfriends. Keep dreaming, ladies.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Alessandra Ambrosio Seems Like a Good Devil

By Lex November 02, 2015 @ 12:02 PM

Alessandra Ambrosio Sexy Red Devil At 1OAK
You don’t get the parent you want, you get the parent you need. If you see your mom hawking her tits outside a nightclub on Halloween in a devil costume, just know that she’s trying hard to keep you fed and in a decent full tuition pre-school. You think Brazilian bikini models don’t have bills to pay? Fuck you. What do you know of their struggles. Did you get your vagina tested for latex allergies. This is the first time I’ve been scared this Halloween.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Alessandra Ambrosio No Panties Either

By Lex October 30, 2015 @ 9:40 AM

Alessandra Ambrosio Cutout Dress
Mickey Rourke used to keep this commando shit in check by getting loaded and trying to finger fuck all these models at dress up events. Brazilians, Australians, who isn’t coming to this shining city on the hill and taking of their panties? Congratulations on the award. Of course I voted for you. I can see where your anchor babies come from.

Photo Credit: Getty

Alessandra Ambrosio Bikini Salesgirl

By Lex October 26, 2015 @ 10:58 AM

Alessandra Ambrosio Promotes Her Own Bikini Line
You can’t get lazier than a bikini business if you’re a bikini model. It doesn’t speak to deep thought on branching out from your day job. The bikini line name ‘Ale’, the first three letters of her own name. How much thought did that take and what came in second? This would be the right time for somebody to announce that Alessandra Ambrosio’s not dumb like all the other really good looking underwear models. Jessica Alba had a baby and figured out that moms buy diapers. The rest of you just got lapped.

Photo Credit: Alessandra Swimwear

Kendall Jenner, Bella Hadid And Alessandra Ambrosio Getting Paid

By Lex September 17, 2015 @ 10:08 AM

Alessandra Ambrosio And Kendall Jenner Lead The Harpers Bazaar Icons Event
Fashion Week separates the wheat from the chaff. It’s all fun and games to pretend you’re hot at 5’1″ with an obscenely plumped up bottoms and titties, but when these fashion houses are plunking down millions to sell simply stunning variations of the same shit they’ve all been selling for years, that’s when the body shaming begins for real. Haute couture doesn’t tolerate a fat ass. Tall, slender, and can you go braless without the one straight dude in the audience instinctively tossing in fives. It’s okay squat trolls, it’s still you we’re calling at 3am after leaving The Anchor. Take pride in your work. Kendall for show, Kylie for play, by way of short hand.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Alessandra Ambrosio Braless For Brazil

By Lex September 17, 2015 @ 7:23 AM

Alessandra Ambrosio Braless For Brazil Foundation
The Brazil Foundation does important work like telling visitors to Brazil not to look at the starving kids wading in the plastic bottle rivers and pretend the hookers really are boiled peanut vensors. The AIDS did not come from monkeys, still we test. We care. Alessandra Ambrosio vetoed the bra for the big Brazil Foundation fundraiser. Brazilians are filled with national pride. The minute they crawl the fuck out, they always give back. Some rapper started an art school in Compton where his mama raised him and his eight siblings on chicken bones and cigarettes. What did you do? Showed off your tits at a charity fundraiser. Yes, that’s even. Value judgements are for people who don’t like looking at supermodel tits.

Photo Credit: Getty