Models Decide the Brazilian Election

By Lex October 07, 2014 @ 8:50 AM

Alessandra Ambrosio Wears Short White Shorts While Visiting A Photo Agency In West Hollywood
Every couple of years when Brazil calls another election to decide if they want the Workers Socialist Party, the Socialist United Party, or the United Voices of Samba Socialists to ruin their country, the ex-patriot models in the U.S. head to the nearest Brazilian consulate to exercise their right to show off their legs. Without these breathtaking mannequins taking a break from Pilates and having sex with very good looking men, Brazil might otherwise vote to continue its two hundred years of counter-productive governance. Exit polls showed that front runner Dilma Rousseff did very well among the Brazilian supermodel diaspora, propelling him, or, you know, her, to likely victory as the next Brazilian President. Somebody has to be standing at the podium explaining where all the Olympics money went.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Alessandra Ambrosio Is Always Working

By Lex September 05, 2014 @ 12:53 PM

Alessandro Ambrosio In Corset Top In NYC
If you ever see your mom dressing like this, it usually means you’re about to get a new stepdad. Hide your trading cards and favorite comic books from the new brats who are about to be your roommates. Alessandra Ambrosio’s kids are probably safe. Showing off her tits is her job. When you get a bit older, the kids at school might rib you about your mom’s appearance, but just fire back, oh yeah, at least everybody wants to fuck my mom. Childhood is only as difficult as you make it.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, Splash

Alessandra Ambrosio In A White Bikini

By Lex August 25, 2014 @ 2:56 PM

Alessandra Ambrosio In A White Bikini At The Beach In Malibu
For good looking Brazilian women, the work really never stops. Pilates and yoga. That’s daily. Feel like a burger? Fuck you, nibble on  pea shoot through Christmas. Too tired to go to the beach again today? Suck it up. Strap on that crotch padded fish tail and get your hair blowing in the onshore breeze. While you’re at it, push out a couple kids because Victoria’s Secret models and NFL running backs have the same career longevity. Your insurance policy used to be your ass in a short skirt? Congratulations. You passed thirty.  Now it’s your kids.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet, AKM-GSI

Alessandra Ambrosio In A Bikini

By Lex August 12, 2014 @ 3:32 PM

Alessandra Ambrosio In A Colorful Bikini At The Beach In Honolulu
Hot moms in inflatable children’s inner tubes are kind of my thing. It’s like they know something. From behind their orange Jell-O like rings of aloofness, they have extra sensory insight into the human condition and sexual psyche of the male of the species. She could also just be trying to hide her pee. Which is even hotter.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Alessandra Ambrosio Has New Boobs

By Lex August 04, 2014 @ 1:06 PM

Alessandra Ambrosio In A Orange Bikini At The Beach In Malibu
I think there’s some kind of Victoria’s Secret internal memo that goes out when one of their key models gets a lift. Distributed to the catalog marketing chiefs in Ohio as well as the chief seamstress in Macao who then relays on the new measurements to supervisors throughout the indigenous tribal regions of Southeast Asia. If they rang a bell every time some model or actress got new tits, L.A. would sound like Rome. It’s nothing special. Unless it’s the pair you’re squeezing like a porn star during sex, then it becomes your world.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Alessandra Ambrosio Understands the Internet

By Lex July 30, 2014 @ 2:25 PM

Alessandra Ambrosio Posts A Bikini Photo To Instagram
I get offer letters every day from people selling consulting services on how to better understand the Internet. Obviously, you need paid counseling to comprehend the complex equation that tits and sports and gambling account for 98% of all male Internet online activity. So entirely different than offline, plus or minus half a percent. Alessandra Ambrosio understands the Internet. You don’t make the move from Brazil to Brentwood without knowing how to manipulate innate human desire. I don’t even know which ass is hers. And I don’t care. That’s the genius. The intersection of arousal and not giving a shit is where men erect their Honeycomb Hideouts.

Photo Credit: Alessandra Ambrosio/Instagram