By Travis May 22, 2013 @ 11:00 AM
Victoria’s Secret model Alessandra Ambrosio could have Fran Drescher’s voice and Amanda Bynes’ brain and she’d probably still be invited to everything from the Cannes Film Festival to the birth of Jesus because of her amazing ability to stand in one place and look gorgeous. Alessandra attended last night’s De Grisogono party at Cannes, probably just because the company’s founder, Fawaz Gruosi, wanted to take a picture with her and post later on his Facebook that he totally banged her.
Also at the party was Paris Hilton, who still shows up to these A-list events because I assume people just gave up at telling her to fuck off. But if Alessandra were smart, she would have stood next to Paris until everyone there eventually named her the most beautiful woman on Earth.
(Photo Credits: Getty)
By Sophie April 22, 2013 @ 1:40 PM
Unless you’ve got the body hair of an un-lasered Bin Laden wife, men will still plow the shit out of you whether your legs are perfectly shaved or not. Chicks worry about silly things like that too much, dudes don’t care about a little stubble as long as you put out like a proper slut. For whatever reason, Alessandra Ambrosio shaved her legs outside of a coffee shop in Malibu while she waited for her fiance Jamie Mazur. Either she’s still on recreational drugs from Coachella, or prepping for a modeling shoot, or she is totally freshening up for some back seat action with her fiancee. If it’s the latter, fuck shaving your legs for sex, just give him some good road head on the drive home. He won’t care if he feels the tickle of a Magnum P.I. stache. Men are not that particular it turns out.
Photo Credit: INF
By Bill March 12, 2013 @ 12:27 PM
You can have your European topless beaches, I’ve been to them. It’s mostly German women with the Akebono body types and Hair Club dudes hanging greasy in their banana hammocks. I’ll take Malibu. The beach where the crazy hot women like Heidi Klum go to bone their bodyguards and where chicks like Alessandra Ambrosio do bikini shoots for Victoria’s Secret. And I’ll take a tiny bikini on a woman. If you can’t easily imagine getting that tiny thing off, then it’s probably time to return your nuts to the man store.
Photo Credit: PCN
Life is going to suck for Alessandra Ambrosio’s son. You’re going to be the most popular boy in school, because every other boy wants to bang your mom. Just how many damn fist fights are you going to be in because of the snickering and giggling every time mom comes to school in a short skirt to pick your ass up?
Yeah, supermodel mom will notice the scrapes and bruises and black eyes and call in counselors and psychiatrists and schedule tons of school conferences. But you’ll never be able to tell anyone that you’re all messed up because 397 kids in school want to freak with your mom. Poor fucking kid.
Photo credit: WENN / PCN / Splash News
By brendon February 11, 2013 @ 2:49 PM
For some inexplicable reason, Terry Richardson is still an esteemed Hollywood photographer, even though he does the exact same thing every single time (have the girl stand in front of a blank wall. And that’s it.).
Only Kate Upton and Alessandra Aambrosio are hot enough to make that work (in Alessandras case because she’s the worlds most perfect woman, her shirt is see-through, and she sticks her tongue out), but as God as my witness if I keep seeing this weirdo pervert waste hot models with this exact same thing, he’ll be the one lined up in front of a wall right before I shoot him.
By brendon December 17, 2012 @ 5:01 PM
Despite having small tits and a newborn baby, Alessandra Ambrosio is still somehow the best looking girl on earth. It’s inspiring to see her overcome such adversity. She really is an amazing woman!
(image source of ambrosio modeling for victorias secret in st barts this weekend = fame/flynet)