Alexa Ray Joel Looks New

By Jack April 04, 2014 @ 12:49 PM

Alexa Ray Joel looks like she’s had more plastic surgery than Joan Rivers’ elbow vagina. The product of Christy Brinkley inexplicable bumping uglies with Billy Joel is looking like a different person these days. This is possibly because she started looking less like her MILF mom and had begun to slowly morph into her dad who looks not unlike a Jewish bridge troll from that book of Jewish bridge trolls I read at my Anti-Semitism camps as a child. She’s obviously had her nose, cheeks, chin, eyes, tits, and forehead done. Of course she claims that her transformation from looking like a lesser picked over Long Island mall girl to California plastic is all makeup. She says,

“The only thing I have ever had done is my nose, which I have always been completely candid, honest, and open about – and I can swear on my Beloved Gypsy-Stella The Cat that this is the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God! (But hey, there could be worse rumors circulating, so, I’ll take it).”

Well, you might as well put Gypsy-Stella in the microwave and blast it on high because you are fucking lying you lying liar. Why can’t these plastic surgery fiends just admit the fact that they have had their faces rebuilt? It’s obvious to everyone, Alexa. Look at the picture above and then the one below. The old one looks like the new one’s homely sister she promises to men in alley ways to raise money for fashion school.