Lindsay And Ali Lohan In Bikinis On A Yacht

By Lex July 21, 2014 @ 9:55 AM

Lindsay And Ali Lohan In Bikinis On A Yacht In Capri Italy
Childhood trauma, drinking, drugs, anorexia, prison, failed careers. These are among the things that simply can’t keep the Lohan sisters down. Those two chin-up girls donned some ill fitting bikinis for their respectively awkward shaped bodies and hit the high seas about ten feet off the coast of Capri, lest probation officer helicopters come swooping down. The girls swam and suntanned and played the liars poker game of ‘Daddy did worse to me’ which as always ended in a mix of giggles and violent tremors. It was a nice chance for the sisters to get together and talk about the latest summer fashions and how they never want to bring babies into this cruel world.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Dina Lohan Is Managing Ali Lohan’s Music Career

By Travis October 30, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Mostly underwhelming 19-year old model Ali Lohan has apparently decided that she wants to focus more on her music career now – “Ali wants her new sound to be Miley Cyrus meets Lana Del Rey” – and according to Radar, she’s wisely being managed by the most competent and qualified person she knows – her mother, Dina Lohan.

Of course, Dina has been pretty busy as of late with her court appearances for her DUI arrest, as well as trying not to lose her Long Island home to foreclosure, so maybe Ali should consider someone else to help her achieve pop stardom. A deranged homeless man, a special needs toddler, Bashar al-Assad, Michael Lohan – any of these people would be better than Dina, who knows as much about managing someone’s career as she does about raising a family or simply being a competent adult.

Photo Credit: Getty

Lindsay Lohan Obeying Her Sober Coach

By Lex September 05, 2013 @ 4:32 PM

Lindsay Lohan Shows Off Her Cleavage At Ali Lohan's Fashion Show In New York
Lindsay Lohan didn’t leave rehab with just the Freshman Fifteen packed on, she got herself a Sober Coach who tracks her every move. Lindsay’s also got Oprah now as her spiritual guide, like a fat Jiminy Cricket on her shoulder telling her all the shit she shouldn’t be doing. Between the two wet blankets, they’ve managed to keep Lindsay on the wagon for an entire month. Partly by nixing some of her travel and work plans, like attending a VMA after party, for fear she’d swig some vodka and beg the boys from One Direction to turn her into a giant swamp of British love seed. They did approve Lindsay attending Fashion Week last night to see her anorexic sister’s show. I guess they also approved her dressing like she’s a long since retired porn actress embarrassing her grandson at his bar mitzvah with sloppy cleavage. Oprah needs to whisper into Lindsay’s ear that it’s time to lose a little tit weight.

Photo Credit: Splash

Ali Lohan Moves; Lindsay Helps

By Lex August 08, 2013 @ 2:17 PM

Ali Lohan Helps Lindsay Move In To Her New Apartment In New York
Ali Lohan was moving some of her shit in New York to a new apartment, and everybody was wondering what happened to her boobs. At least, I was. They done gone disappeared. Maybe in one of the bags. It got worse when Lindsay showed up to help her sister move her bulimia bibs and flashed her new heavy grandmotherly cans around her emaciated younger sister. To be fair, Ali is now a ‘model’ in New York, so weighing less than an eight year old is par for the course. Still, bring back the tits. We need something to hold dear.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, INFphoto.com, Splash

Lindsay Lohan’s Sister Is Proud Of Her Name

By Travis May 10, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Lindsay Lohan’s younger sister, Ali Lohan, has been trying to get her foot in the modeling door for several years, which is probably why she was always out at night clubs with her sister until the early hours of the morning, for “research” and “networking”. But the hard work has paid off, because she signed a contract with the Wilhelmina modeling agency in New York City last week.

Ali, seen above storing nuts for the winter at the Late Show with David Letterman last month, knows that her family has a reputation for being bad employees, but she still told The Daily Beast: “[I hope] that my dedication to work outshines any name that is attached to me. I’m proud to be a Lohan and I will always will be.”

Her new agency even suggested that she go by Aliana now, to which she has complied, but they’d probably have more success changing her last name, too. Maybe something a little more respectable like Manson or Tsarnaev.

(Photo Credit: Getty)

Ali Lohan is doing great

By brendon December 15, 2011 @ 11:36 AM

ali_lohan_hawaii_anorexic

Some people think Ali Lohan is about to die because she clearly has an eating disorder, but I would argue that life isn’t worth living if you don’t have a nice ass, and this is as good as hers has ever looked.

Is she so skinny now that gravity doesn’t work on her anymore? I don’t know, what am I, an astronaut? But if so, isn’t that what we all want? To slip the surly bonds of earth and touch the face of God? Ali is a hero, she’s showing us what we can do if we really apply ourselves!

(image source = flynet)