It’s a known fact that Star Trek nerds will beat off to just about any sci-fi character with a vagina or cloacal sac of some type. The fanboy tug vault standards start and finish right at the ‘she’s not that fat and almost cute’ level. It’s why several thousand grown men living in their parents basement suffered cardiac arrest during the Battlestar Galactica run. It was just too much for them. Alice Eve in Star Trek Into Darkness may prove to be the same. If you see a fat dude vigorously Vulcan saluting himself during the movie, do not act surprised. Remind him that Starfleet Command requests that he stop beating his meat in a public venue. If he resists, invoke General Order 4 and punch him hard in his spleen.
Alice Eve also wore a striped bikini in Miami this weekend (to go along with this black one), showing off her body that I might describe as “inimitable” if I had more confidence in my ability to use that word correctly.
Underrated actress Alice Eve spent the weekend in Miami showing off her blond hair, big ass, and awesome tits. It’s like England made their own Kim Kardashian, sent her to college, and then put her in in a bikini on Miami beach to prove their version is better. Stop being such a smartass, England!
I don’t know if you knew this, but “She’s Out Of My League” opens in theaters today. More importantly, Alice Eve and her huge breasts are in the new issue of Maxim.
She’s British, and went to some fancy prep school and then Oxford, so she and I should date because I’m a rebel from the wrong side of town, with a quick temper and mysterious past. She’ll be intrigued by my gruff exterior and the way I treat her like a sexual object. Can she tear down the walls I’ve built around my heart? Find out, on the next … TYLER!
Paramount must really love ‘Shes Out Of My League’ because they’re spending a fortune to promote it. Last night they had a premiere in Vegas, but it seems like they’ve been all over the country. They were in Boston earlier this week, and last week they even sent Alice Eve to a Hooters in Atlanta. She never did commit to the outfit, which might have been for the best. Those stupid leggings they wear are creepy. It’s this weird tan color, it looks like they have prosthetic legs. Oohh, sexy.
ANGELINA JOLIE - has no plans to adopt another child while in Haiti this week. They should get her drunk. Girls tend to be much more receptive to new ideas once they’re good and drunk. (cnn)
INGLORIOUS BASTERDS - is closing the gap on ‘Hurt Locker’ and ‘Avatar’ and is now a legit threat to win the Oscar for Best Picture. Who would have guessed that a movie depicting Jews as ferocious men of action would be so well received in Hollywood? (la times and la times)
ALICE EVE - Her new movie has some ecards for Valentines Day, but even better is that the ad now has shameless closeups of her amazing chest, exactly as I suggested two weeks ago. I should be a Hollywood movie executive. I saw her huge tits and thought, “Hmm. If only there was some way to convey to the audience that she has huge tits, but how?” (ecards)
ALEC BALDWIN - attacked a photographer as he left the hospital yesterday and had to be restrained by police. It was either because the photographer was crowding Baldwin, or because he’s fat and the photographer was dressed like a pint of ice cream. “NOM NOM NOM”, Baldwin said. (daily news, inf)