Blac Chyna and Amber Rose Have Each Other

By Lex June 29, 2015 @ 9:54 AM

Blac-Chyna-and-Amber-Rose-Kiss-at-BETs
The list of chicks who’ve lost their upstanding black men to the Kardashian family is expanding. Occasionally these wandering whores confab and rub their big fake titties up against one another and lament the draw for rappers of Kardashian steamy junk holes. Everybody handles grief in their own manner. There’s no shame in settling. You think a dentist is going to tell you, bitch, your big old ass just don’t do it for me anymore? Nay. Ask for the N20 and keep your eyes on your Yeezy booties. DDS wives don’t live fast, but they do make it to forty. A Cadillac is just a Jewish Ferrari. What do you mean I can’t wear this top in synagogue?

Photo credit: Getty Images/Instagram

Amber Rose Goes For The Pulitzer

By Matt June 08, 2015 @ 6:50 AM

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Amber Rose has a self help book coming out in October and photoshopped off 30 pounds for the cover by running a computerized simulation of a diet. The book is titled How To Be A Bad Bitch. The cover is based on some greek mythology Rose is definitely not familiar with but most likely entails the unemployed triumphing over a big ass dragon. The book details several of Rose’s life experiences such as blowing homosexual modeling agents while they pretend she’s Sisqo. Was Ja Rule not available? I’ve been eating pineapple all week. Rose summarized the book while snacking on a hormone inflated turkey leg:

“A Bad bitch is sweet, confident, well rounded has her finances straight, knows what she wants and goes for it. Everyone that meets her loves her.”

Possibly, but I’m pegging anyone who buys this as a floundering neophyte. Get a refund and buy a Greyhound ticket home. This is the last time I take life lessons from someone whose job is Instagram. If you want to read it in Braille don’t swallow and hover over some printer paper. Everyone’s hotter in an artist’s rendition. Does this come with bottomless fries?

Photo Credit: Instagram

Amber Rose Getting Warmer

By Matt June 01, 2015 @ 6:50 AM

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Despite or perhaps because of the fact Amber Rose looks like an over the hill male tennis pro with a shaky boob job I never considered her in a sexual light. This could be because the mainstream media’s portrayal of gender norms has brainwashed me but mostly I’m just not that into fat dudes or power lifting. This photo inspires a whole set of what ifs. Yeah technically if you hold that pose I’m game. I brought an exacto knife and those size 13′s should come right off. Don’t fucking turn around for the love of god. Let’s say you’re laying on the beach with your eyes closed and someone comes up and starts giving you the best head of your life. Why should it matter if it’s Denny Hastert? Conversely, would you rather just get it over with and hit the drive through or spend the night seeking out a chick who John Waters hasn’t fucked? Depends on whether or not she’s facing the door. I thought I’d never be tempted. When does the NFL start I’m feeling woozy.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Amber Rose Is a Movie Star

By Lex May 08, 2015 @ 9:27 AM

Amber Rose Cleavage Attends Sister Code Premiere
Amber Rose answers her critics and Jesus for asking what the hell she does with all her free time by making a movie about three black foster sisters with big tits who get finger snapping saucy with each other, fuck some bad men, then make up because one of them gets sick. The film was produced by a couple dudes with thirty-seven bucks in their pocket who were trying to figure out how to see Amber Rose’s big tits up close. Not super clever, twenty is the going rate. Nobody’s been allowed to see the film before its release today because it’s just too good to share. Think of it as the world’s hottest nightclub. No sign on the door. No fanfare. But if you find your way inside, you get to see Amber Rose grinding a dude with money and inquiring for the third time about health benefits for her minor dependents.

Photo Credit: Getty

Amber Rose Licks Virtual Vagina And Shit Around The Web

By Jack April 14, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

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Mother and tender care provider Amber Rose and fellow fallen debutante Blac Chyna demonstrated how to lick a pussy with their fingers. It’s not exactly what our nation needs in terms of educating the next generation, but it can’t hurt either. If you’re not good at math, you might as well figure this skill out.

Watch these two “ladies” show off their carpet munching skills. (TMZ)

Charlotte McKinney displays her massive jugs for Guess. (Egotastic)

Chrissy Teigen loves her stretch marks. I don’t care. I’d still fuck her. (Huffington Post)

Sara Sampaio’s tits are incredible. See for yourself. (Drunken Stepfather)

Julia Periera and a bunch of hotties model her skimpy bikinis. (Hollywood Tuna)

Alessandra Ambrosio has cleavage that will make your eyes bug out like a cartoon wolf. (Popoholic)

Girls tugging on their clothes to show more? You’ve peaked my interest. (The Chive)

Amber Rose Caves

By Lex April 03, 2015 @ 11:00 AM

Amber Rose Wants Wiz Khalifa Back
This story is a primer for why women are smarter and savvier than men, but dudes still run the universe and the oil and natural gas industries. After months of nasty social media blows against her baby daddy Wiz Khalifa for fucking everything that moved while they were together, Amber Rose posted a picture of the two of them kissing like porn stars with a long form teen girl please take me back love letter attached.

My #ManCrushEveryday you know what it is…. We went wrong somewhere and even if we never ever get back together ( Even tho I pray, dream and hope we do) he will forever be the love of my life. The media doesn’t make it easy but fuck them we gotta live for reality and not society. We forever have a bond because we made a beautiful baby from our Love. Through all the ups and downs of our relationship my heart still beats for him every single day. I’m sick of putting on a front like I’m happy without him. I’m not. He makes me happy. He’s the only one who can. Regardless of how our lives Turn out in the long run he will always be the skinny tatted up stoner that has my heart ❤️

Skinny tatted up stoners are hard to come by. Breaking soft and explaining that all your nasty words and all those naked photos of yourself posed like a Turkish whore was all just a cry for help, that’s sad. Deep down, most women can’t shake those compulsive feelings to bang bad men brought on by their first middle school menstrual cycle. It’s a rare woman who can go stone cold assassin. She shall be our next President. If history is any indication, Amber Rose will get knocked up and fucked over by Khalifa at least twice more before her book about waking up to being a strong woman comes out.  You could read it, but you already know what is says.

Photo Credit: Instagram