More on Amber Rose Ass Fakes

By Matt March 27, 2015 @ 8:03 AM

Rose 2

After it became clear Amber Rose photoshopped her buns like a Carls Jr commercial she came clean and posted a photo of her regular too large to be smooth ass to Instagram. It’s unclear why yet she will obviously be cheered on by a bevy of obese women who like to compare themselves to her the same way I fancy myself as Rambo when I forget to get a haircut. The difference is I don’t go on rogue killing sprees in the jungle yet cellulite isn’t hard to come by. If you’re so proud of your cottage cheese laden ass why did you photoshop it in the first place? When people called me out for talking about that Kony video a lot when I was sober I didn’t pull up a clip of the director masturbating on a street corner and call myself the victor. Either you’re cool with it or not. You can’t have it both ways although I’m sure you have.

Photo credit: Instagram

Amber Rose Figured It Out

By Lex March 26, 2015 @ 12:19 PM

Amber Rose Topless Covered On The Beach
It’s easy to mock chicks who wage personal battles by means of naked photos and tons of Photoshop. What weapons are they supposed to select from the jousting shed? Rhetorically sharp Lincoln-Douglas stump style debates? No, you dance with the tits that brung you. Or the ass with the cheesy pocks cloned out for increased Internet masturbator splooge distance. It’s always the magic hour when you’ve got editing software. This is everything anybody likes about Amber Rose encapsulated into a single photo. Your halberd and Braveheart speech looks pretty weak now.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Amber Rose Is On Tour

By Matt March 16, 2015 @ 6:06 AM

Rose

Amber Rose is an entertainer. That means nobody knows exactly what the fuck she does for money. Instagramming and banging rappers is not a paid gig so much as a desperate hobby. She’s been getting paid to show up at night clubs and take photos with dumb people who recognize her name from conversations questioning who the fuck she is. Now she’s taking her standing around in stupid attire to the next level and has announced her UK Tour 2015. This tour encompasses four stag bars in England where she will play her greatest hits like having her handler charge you twenty bucks for an autographed photo. Take it home and Google her. Then put a bullet in your brain because you’re part of the problem. I’m still trying to figure this out. Was she in Goodfellas?

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Amber Rose Slut Shamed, No Problem

By Lex March 10, 2015 @ 12:43 PM

Amber Rose Loves Getting Slut Shamed Instagram
Amber Rose fought back at critics for slut shaming her by posting a photo of herself in something you shouldn’t try on if you’re cheating Atkins.

“U Guys Love Slut Shaming Huh? Good. I feed off that shit. #HowtobeAbadBitch

By you guys I think she means a couple other chicks she’s currently labeling sluts and whores herself on social media. I’m a guy. I don’t recall slut shaming her. Or any girl for that matter. Slut shaming by men went out the window even before guys were faking it during the Scarlet Letter era. Men just want to get laid. That’s why we’re here and the dinosaurs aren’t.

It’s possible this is merely a trumped up bit to promote Rose’s new book, How to Be a Bad Bitch. Amber’s up to four words a day on how to nibble a man’s left nut for cash and bite the right for doing your sister. Being a bad bitch truly is a balancing act. Sometimes, I sit back and wonder, who the fuck are these people? Then I realize, they are me. With better drugs and tons of free time.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Amber Rose Grinds (VIDEO)

By Lex February 18, 2015 @ 11:05 AM

Amber-Rose-Grinds-at-Mardi-Gras
I’m not a trained lawyer or skilled in any manner, but I’d still advise anyone going through a custody battle to head down to Trinidad and Tobago for Mardi Gras and start grinding the shit out of strangers on camera. Judges love that shit. Once his honor sees you gyrate that enormous fake ass onto the cocks of random Caribbean men, he’s certain to see how you could translate that into best home for toddler. That’s sexist, it could be a female judge. She’ll appreciate this shit even more.

Fresh off her defense that it was cool to be taking her clothes off for cash at fifteen, Amber Rose’s Fat Tuesday tit show ought to put her over the top against her husband who smokes pot, which according to 1930′s government literature makes black men thrice as rapey as usual. With any good fortune, their kid found his way out of his labradoodle crate and made it to a local fire station.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Amber Rose Still Butt Hurt Over Kanye

By Lex February 17, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

Kanye-West-and-Amber-Rose

Chick fights without hair pulling or ripping off shirts have an enjoyment cap set at mildly amusing. Amber Rose teed off on the Kardashian family the past couple of days because she has some pent up feelings about losing her man and also she’s been drinking. It all started in 2009 when a bunch of chicks with fake body parts and no jobs got on Twitter. But flash forward to Amber Rose calling Kylie Jenner a stupid kid for hooking up with rapper Tyga. Technically, I believe when you’re underaged and you’re fucking an old rapper with exes and babies  you are pretty fucking stupid. Khloe Kardashian, the family heavy, stepped in to defend her little sister by pulling unflattering quotes her assistant found for her:

Khloe-Kardashian-Tweet-on-Amber-Rose

Khloe is normally pumped full of a barbiturates in regimen similar Kong in captivity. It’s unusual for her to engage. Amber Rose came back with the fact she was a stripper to support her family no different than Kim Kardashian is a whore to feed her family. She also made mention of the fact she was fucking Kanye before Kanye was fucking Kim, which I think is a point Amber Rose if you’re keeping score, but I’m not sure. It might be an own goal.

Khloe went on to preach how her entire family is reticent to ever use their extraordinary powers to hurt others and wishes the whole world was made of cheese so she could eat it. Amber Rose responded to Khloe’s bullshit self-evaluation by posting an old leaked picture of her own bare snatch, calling all the Kardashians whores, implying she might go fuck Khloe’s most recent boyfriend, and then insisting that O.J. is Khloe’s dad. You’re not going to fell Khloe Kardashian with a single lucky shot. Spray and cover.

Most people see this skirmish as the most juvenile war of words in the history of mankind. Few are similarly able to recognize it as the most intelligent conversation these two brain dead plumped up ass-tards have ever conducted. The glass is always half full when you’re drunk and stupid.

Photo credit: Splash News