Nick Cannon and Amber Rose Working Magic

By Lex January 27, 2015 @ 10:49 AM

Nick Cannon With Amber Rose While He DJs At Drais Nightclub In Las Vegas
The island of misfit toys production of dumped spouses with very hidden talents had Nick Cannon DJing at a nightclub in Las Vegas with Amber Rose at his side. The two discussed the tribulations of being ass puppets for more successful partners and how far buffed body parts might get you in life on your own. Then they snorted a few rails and cried about their children whose names didn’t come easily. The music never stopped pumping and the base never stopped jumping. That was according to notecards turned in by nightclub guests at the end of evening. Nick Cannon’s DJ Yelp rating is climbing steadily. He should be booking more gigs. Amber Rose will be fine so long as men continue to want to get laid.

Photo Credit: INF

Amber Rose Thong Stamp

By Lex January 20, 2015 @ 9:29 AM

Amber Rose Thong Vacation In Miami
Amber Rose knows the best revenge is showing her cheating ex what he’s missing. An attention starved shaved head fat injected Jeff Koons statue. Mmm, baby, please come back. All these revealing self-promotional photos are certain to help in her custody battle with a pot smoking rapper with multiple drug arrests. I hate to be the judge deciding this case. I might just go Brady Bunch and let the 2-year old toddle over to the parent she feels least likely to sell her to a Mexican drug cartel on a dry weekend. Children don’t need lots of things, just parents who love them. Or who love themselves. I can’t remember which is better.

Photo Credit: INF/Instagram

Amber Rose And Blac Chyna Show On the Job

By Lex January 19, 2015 @ 9:03 AM

Amber Rose And Blac Chyna Show Off Their Curves While In Miami
If chicks like Amber Rose and Blac Chyna didn’t exist, we’d have to invent them. Every pack has the gnu in the rear who’s about to be lion lunch. Nobody cares how well you did in high school, gnu, you’re done. If these ladies weren’t getting banged and knocked up by rappers, maybe your sisters and daughters would be. Don’t hate the sperm catchers. These ladies are keeping the shit from getting to shore. Quit blue-lighting their tits and yelling ‘aha!’. They deserve a medal.

Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews/INF

Amber Rose Still Has It

By Matt January 19, 2015 @ 7:31 AM

Amber-Rose-on-Balcony-03

I can think of several things I’d do with Amber Rose but banging her comes in somewhere between wrapping her around the field goal post for padding and cuddling her as a flotation during a tsunami. I don’t understand how it’s possible to buy pants more wide than long and still walk instead of roll serpentine. I’m not sure if Rose would garner more attention in a Wiz Khalifa greenroom or a cabin with the Donner Party. That being said I bet she’d kill it in one of those potato sack races. Players don’t box out anymore. We keep replacing the toilet seats, what kind of cheap hotel is this? I have more ass jokes but they seem to be wearing thin. Like her new dungarees. Seriously it’s weird though.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Amber Rose Sad Ass Revenge

By Lex October 16, 2014 @ 7:17 AM

Amber Rose Shows Butt On Instagram
Splitting asunder that institution where you used to whisper saccharin sweet pet names while lapping each other’s genitals is all about reparing that bruised ego. Wiz Khalifa fucked twins. I don’t care how you brace yourself as the mannish looking wife of a shady rapper, that has to hurt. Posting pictures of your ass on Instagram is not going to cut it. Why bother even playing if that’s your best response. This is the stoned ass-hat who befouled your sacred vows before Jesus and a bunch of dudes with gold caps packing heat. He discredited you and the likely to be troubled child you must now raise. Put on a wig and some Bruce Jenner level pre-op makeup and go fuck the tar out of three dudes Khalifa hates the most in this world. You back down now and you will grow old and bitter with regret. Even if he dies within the year from bare banging an Ebola infected nurse, dancing on his grave will feel empty without the jizz of his enemies swimming in your honeypot.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Jas and Ness Rose Are Seeking Opportunity

By Lex October 01, 2014 @ 11:57 AM

Jas and Ness Rose Share Instagram And Amber Roses Name
I get the instinct to fuck your way famous in Hollywood. If you’re reasonably attractive and can squeal in the sack, it’s a short cut through all the other forms of pseudo prostitution the ugly people must endure. Jas and Ness Rose, the street fashion designing twins who jointly sister banged Wiz Khalifa out of his marriage to Amber Rose are working their Instagram account for maximum vagina recognition. Social media commenters who carry the righteousness of Moses and the spelling of a developmentally delayed preschooler felt the need to put these sisters in context:

Nasty insesting sister …fucking disgusting..an the manz married , yall sum bottom of the barrel bitches

That’s actually more profound than the syntax might let on. Though I’m not sure fucking the same guy is technically incest, it’s just Happy Fun Special #11 on the Jass and Ness menu.

Photo Credit: Instagram