Amber Rose Grinds (VIDEO)

By Lex February 18, 2015 @ 11:05 AM

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I’m not a trained lawyer or skilled in any manner, but I’d still advise anyone going through a custody battle to head down to Trinidad and Tobago for Mardi Gras and start grinding the shit out of strangers on camera. Judges love that shit. Once his honor sees you gyrate that enormous fake ass onto the cocks of random Caribbean men, he’s certain to see how you could translate that into best home for toddler. That’s sexist, it could be a female judge. She’ll appreciate this shit even more.

Fresh off her defense that it was cool to be taking her clothes off for cash at fifteen, Amber Rose’s Fat Tuesday tit show ought to put her over the top against her husband who smokes pot, which according to 1930′s government literature makes black men thrice as rapey as usual. With any good fortune, their kid found his way out of his labradoodle crate and made it to a local fire station.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Amber Rose Still Butt Hurt Over Kanye

By Lex February 17, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

Kanye-West-and-Amber-Rose

Chick fights without hair pulling or ripping off shirts have an enjoyment cap set at mildly amusing. Amber Rose teed off on the Kardashian family the past couple of days because she has some pent up feelings about losing her man and also she’s been drinking. It all started in 2009 when a bunch of chicks with fake body parts and no jobs got on Twitter. But flash forward to Amber Rose calling Kylie Jenner a stupid kid for hooking up with rapper Tyga. Technically, I believe when you’re underaged and you’re fucking an old rapper with exes and babies  you are pretty fucking stupid. Khloe Kardashian, the family heavy, stepped in to defend her little sister by pulling unflattering quotes her assistant found for her:

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Khloe is normally pumped full of a barbiturates in regimen similar Kong in captivity. It’s unusual for her to engage. Amber Rose came back with the fact she was a stripper to support her family no different than Kim Kardashian is a whore to feed her family. She also made mention of the fact she was fucking Kanye before Kanye was fucking Kim, which I think is a point Amber Rose if you’re keeping score, but I’m not sure. It might be an own goal.

Khloe went on to preach how her entire family is reticent to ever use their extraordinary powers to hurt others and wishes the whole world was made of cheese so she could eat it. Amber Rose responded to Khloe’s bullshit self-evaluation by posting an old leaked picture of her own bare snatch, calling all the Kardashians whores, implying she might go fuck Khloe’s most recent boyfriend, and then insisting that O.J. is Khloe’s dad. You’re not going to fell Khloe Kardashian with a single lucky shot. Spray and cover.

Most people see this skirmish as the most juvenile war of words in the history of mankind. Few are similarly able to recognize it as the most intelligent conversation these two brain dead plumped up ass-tards have ever conducted. The glass is always half full when you’re drunk and stupid.

Photo credit: Splash News 

Nick Cannon and Amber Rose Working Magic

By Lex January 27, 2015 @ 10:49 AM

Nick Cannon With Amber Rose While He DJs At Drais Nightclub In Las Vegas
The island of misfit toys production of dumped spouses with very hidden talents had Nick Cannon DJing at a nightclub in Las Vegas with Amber Rose at his side. The two discussed the tribulations of being ass puppets for more successful partners and how far buffed body parts might get you in life on your own. Then they snorted a few rails and cried about their children whose names didn’t come easily. The music never stopped pumping and the base never stopped jumping. That was according to notecards turned in by nightclub guests at the end of evening. Nick Cannon’s DJ Yelp rating is climbing steadily. He should be booking more gigs. Amber Rose will be fine so long as men continue to want to get laid.

Photo Credit: INF

Amber Rose Thong Stamp

By Lex January 20, 2015 @ 9:29 AM

Amber Rose Thong Vacation In Miami
Amber Rose knows the best revenge is showing her cheating ex what he’s missing. An attention starved shaved head fat injected Jeff Koons statue. Mmm, baby, please come back. All these revealing self-promotional photos are certain to help in her custody battle with a pot smoking rapper with multiple drug arrests. I hate to be the judge deciding this case. I might just go Brady Bunch and let the 2-year old toddle over to the parent she feels least likely to sell her to a Mexican drug cartel on a dry weekend. Children don’t need lots of things, just parents who love them. Or who love themselves. I can’t remember which is better.

Photo Credit: INF/Instagram

Amber Rose And Blac Chyna Show On the Job

By Lex January 19, 2015 @ 9:03 AM

Amber Rose And Blac Chyna Show Off Their Curves While In Miami
If chicks like Amber Rose and Blac Chyna didn’t exist, we’d have to invent them. Every pack has the gnu in the rear who’s about to be lion lunch. Nobody cares how well you did in high school, gnu, you’re done. If these ladies weren’t getting banged and knocked up by rappers, maybe your sisters and daughters would be. Don’t hate the sperm catchers. These ladies are keeping the shit from getting to shore. Quit blue-lighting their tits and yelling ‘aha!’. They deserve a medal.

Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews/INF

Amber Rose Still Has It

By Matt January 19, 2015 @ 7:31 AM

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I can think of several things I’d do with Amber Rose but banging her comes in somewhere between wrapping her around the field goal post for padding and cuddling her as a flotation during a tsunami. I don’t understand how it’s possible to buy pants more wide than long and still walk instead of roll serpentine. I’m not sure if Rose would garner more attention in a Wiz Khalifa greenroom or a cabin with the Donner Party. That being said I bet she’d kill it in one of those potato sack races. Players don’t box out anymore. We keep replacing the toilet seats, what kind of cheap hotel is this? I have more ass jokes but they seem to be wearing thin. Like her new dungarees. Seriously it’s weird though.

Photo Credit: Instagram