Amber Rose Is a Movie Star

By Lex May 08, 2015 @ 9:27 AM

Amber Rose Cleavage Attends Sister Code Premiere
Amber Rose answers her critics and Jesus for asking what the hell she does with all her free time by making a movie about three black foster sisters with big tits who get finger snapping saucy with each other, fuck some bad men, then make up because one of them gets sick. The film was produced by a couple dudes with thirty-seven bucks in their pocket who were trying to figure out how to see Amber Rose’s big tits up close. Not super clever, twenty is the going rate. Nobody’s been allowed to see the film before its release today because it’s just too good to share. Think of it as the world’s hottest nightclub. No sign on the door. No fanfare. But if you find your way inside, you get to see Amber Rose grinding a dude with money and inquiring for the third time about health benefits for her minor dependents.

Photo Credit: Getty

Amber Rose Licks Virtual Vagina And Shit Around The Web

By Jack April 14, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

469566514

Mother and tender care provider Amber Rose and fellow fallen debutante Blac Chyna demonstrated how to lick a pussy with their fingers. It’s not exactly what our nation needs in terms of educating the next generation, but it can’t hurt either. If you’re not good at math, you might as well figure this skill out.

Watch these two “ladies” show off their carpet munching skills. (TMZ)

Charlotte McKinney displays her massive jugs for Guess. (Egotastic)

Chrissy Teigen loves her stretch marks. I don’t care. I’d still fuck her. (Huffington Post)

Sara Sampaio’s tits are incredible. See for yourself. (Drunken Stepfather)

Julia Periera and a bunch of hotties model her skimpy bikinis. (Hollywood Tuna)

Alessandra Ambrosio has cleavage that will make your eyes bug out like a cartoon wolf. (Popoholic)

Girls tugging on their clothes to show more? You’ve peaked my interest. (The Chive)

Amber Rose Caves

By Lex April 03, 2015 @ 11:00 AM

Amber Rose Wants Wiz Khalifa Back
This story is a primer for why women are smarter and savvier than men, but dudes still run the universe and the oil and natural gas industries. After months of nasty social media blows against her baby daddy Wiz Khalifa for fucking everything that moved while they were together, Amber Rose posted a picture of the two of them kissing like porn stars with a long form teen girl please take me back love letter attached.

My #ManCrushEveryday you know what it is…. We went wrong somewhere and even if we never ever get back together ( Even tho I pray, dream and hope we do) he will forever be the love of my life. The media doesn’t make it easy but fuck them we gotta live for reality and not society. We forever have a bond because we made a beautiful baby from our Love. Through all the ups and downs of our relationship my heart still beats for him every single day. I’m sick of putting on a front like I’m happy without him. I’m not. He makes me happy. He’s the only one who can. Regardless of how our lives Turn out in the long run he will always be the skinny tatted up stoner that has my heart ❤️

Skinny tatted up stoners are hard to come by. Breaking soft and explaining that all your nasty words and all those naked photos of yourself posed like a Turkish whore was all just a cry for help, that’s sad. Deep down, most women can’t shake those compulsive feelings to bang bad men brought on by their first middle school menstrual cycle. It’s a rare woman who can go stone cold assassin. She shall be our next President. If history is any indication, Amber Rose will get knocked up and fucked over by Khalifa at least twice more before her book about waking up to being a strong woman comes out.  You could read it, but you already know what is says.

Photo Credit: Instagram

More on Amber Rose Ass Fakes

By Matt March 27, 2015 @ 8:03 AM

Rose 2

After it became clear Amber Rose photoshopped her buns like a Carls Jr commercial she came clean and posted a photo of her regular too large to be smooth ass to Instagram. It’s unclear why yet she will obviously be cheered on by a bevy of obese women who like to compare themselves to her the same way I fancy myself as Rambo when I forget to get a haircut. The difference is I don’t go on rogue killing sprees in the jungle yet cellulite isn’t hard to come by. If you’re so proud of your cottage cheese laden ass why did you photoshop it in the first place? When people called me out for talking about that Kony video a lot when I was sober I didn’t pull up a clip of the director masturbating on a street corner and call myself the victor. Either you’re cool with it or not. You can’t have it both ways although I’m sure you have.

Photo credit: Instagram

Amber Rose Figured It Out

By Lex March 26, 2015 @ 12:19 PM

Amber Rose Topless Covered On The Beach
It’s easy to mock chicks who wage personal battles by means of naked photos and tons of Photoshop. What weapons are they supposed to select from the jousting shed? Rhetorically sharp Lincoln-Douglas stump style debates? No, you dance with the tits that brung you. Or the ass with the cheesy pocks cloned out for increased Internet masturbator splooge distance. It’s always the magic hour when you’ve got editing software. This is everything anybody likes about Amber Rose encapsulated into a single photo. Your halberd and Braveheart speech looks pretty weak now.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Amber Rose Is On Tour

By Matt March 16, 2015 @ 6:06 AM

Rose

Amber Rose is an entertainer. That means nobody knows exactly what the fuck she does for money. Instagramming and banging rappers is not a paid gig so much as a desperate hobby. She’s been getting paid to show up at night clubs and take photos with dumb people who recognize her name from conversations questioning who the fuck she is. Now she’s taking her standing around in stupid attire to the next level and has announced her UK Tour 2015. This tour encompasses four stag bars in England where she will play her greatest hits like having her handler charge you twenty bucks for an autographed photo. Take it home and Google her. Then put a bullet in your brain because you’re part of the problem. I’m still trying to figure this out. Was she in Goodfellas?

Photo Credit: Instagram