Amber Rose and Blac Chyna Take Back Horrible Words at MTV VMAs

By Lex August 30, 2015 @ 8:07 PM

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Amber Rose and Blac Chyna made a bold statement on the red carpet of the MTV VMA’s wearing dresses covered brightly in all the bad words people call women. More specifically, the bad words people call these two women. The slogans were in lieu of providing a reason besides making illegitimate rapper babies that Rose and Chyna were part of MTV’s cynical salute to the world’s most commercially successful shitty music. A couple trannies who may have been ripping the girls’ moves followed suit with outfits covered in just the word ‘faggot’ proving that misogynists are far more verbally creative than homophobes.

The striking wardrobe was used to help promote the Amber Rose Slut Walk on October 3 in Los Angeles. No, I don’t just make this shit up. The Slut Walk is a thing that started in Toronto in 2011 when a bunch of feminists heard that some mountie told a rape prevention seminar that women make themselves targets if they dress like sluts. Imagine the furor. Now every October a block full of women dressed as slutty as possible march down whatever they call streets in Canada. Lanes maybe. If Slut Walk sounds at all enticing, you’re imagining the wrong women. Amber Rose took the Slut Walk and slapped her name in front of it for an L.A. gathering of women looking to empower themselves through the role model shoes of Amber Rose. Stilettos filled with the cum of several wanted men.

I’m not sure how much you’d need to drink before any of this made sense, but probably just enough to get you raped.

 Photo credit: Getty Images

Amber Rose and Blac Chyna Hawking Glasses

By Lex August 28, 2015 @ 9:40 AM

Amber Rose Promotes Eyewear With Blac Chyna
Amber Rose and Blac Chyna are two women who know a thing or two about being knocked up by rappers just passing through. Also stylish eyewear and disfiguring artificial anatomical enhancements. Combined, it’s a powerful force in marketing that might sell up to eleven pairs of glasses. This is what happens when you tell your ad agency you can’t afford Nicki Minaj.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Amber Rose Catfish Bait

By Matt August 19, 2015 @ 8:29 AM

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Some weird Russians as opposed to the normal genial barbecuing types you see in the movies used Amber Rose to bait desperate third world whores into a prostitution ring. Rose had no idea, but they could have just asked her. There’s not much more information, but apparently they just used one of her arcane Instagram video posts and pretended Rose was on board to recruit voluntary victims. What’s unclear is what straight male wants to fuck Vin Diesel in a ladies swimsuit. The LAPD is investigating in between tasering eight year olds for waving their snow cones in a threatening manner. I’ve never gone gay, but I’ve always thought if you’re going to do something do it right. Fuck this middle ground. Blow Joe Montana. This dude with a pussy is just fucking creepy. Derek Jeter’s let himself go.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Blac Chyna and Amber Rose Have Each Other

By Lex June 29, 2015 @ 9:54 AM

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The list of chicks who’ve lost their upstanding black men to the Kardashian family is expanding. Occasionally these wandering whores confab and rub their big fake titties up against one another and lament the draw for rappers of Kardashian steamy junk holes. Everybody handles grief in their own manner. There’s no shame in settling. You think a dentist is going to tell you, bitch, your big old ass just don’t do it for me anymore? Nay. Ask for the N20 and keep your eyes on your Yeezy booties. DDS wives don’t live fast, but they do make it to forty. A Cadillac is just a Jewish Ferrari. What do you mean I can’t wear this top in synagogue?

Photo credit: Getty Images/Instagram

Amber Rose Goes For The Pulitzer

By Matt June 08, 2015 @ 6:50 AM

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Amber Rose has a self help book coming out in October and photoshopped off 30 pounds for the cover by running a computerized simulation of a diet. The book is titled How To Be A Bad Bitch. The cover is based on some greek mythology Rose is definitely not familiar with but most likely entails the unemployed triumphing over a big ass dragon. The book details several of Rose’s life experiences such as blowing homosexual modeling agents while they pretend she’s Sisqo. Was Ja Rule not available? I’ve been eating pineapple all week. Rose summarized the book while snacking on a hormone inflated turkey leg:

“A Bad bitch is sweet, confident, well rounded has her finances straight, knows what she wants and goes for it. Everyone that meets her loves her.”

Possibly, but I’m pegging anyone who buys this as a floundering neophyte. Get a refund and buy a Greyhound ticket home. This is the last time I take life lessons from someone whose job is Instagram. If you want to read it in Braille don’t swallow and hover over some printer paper. Everyone’s hotter in an artist’s rendition. Does this come with bottomless fries?

Photo Credit: Instagram

Amber Rose Getting Warmer

By Matt June 01, 2015 @ 6:50 AM

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Despite or perhaps because of the fact Amber Rose looks like an over the hill male tennis pro with a shaky boob job I never considered her in a sexual light. This could be because the mainstream media’s portrayal of gender norms has brainwashed me but mostly I’m just not that into fat dudes or power lifting. This photo inspires a whole set of what ifs. Yeah technically if you hold that pose I’m game. I brought an exacto knife and those size 13′s should come right off. Don’t fucking turn around for the love of god. Let’s say you’re laying on the beach with your eyes closed and someone comes up and starts giving you the best head of your life. Why should it matter if it’s Denny Hastert? Conversely, would you rather just get it over with and hit the drive through or spend the night seeking out a chick who John Waters hasn’t fucked? Depends on whether or not she’s facing the door. I thought I’d never be tempted. When does the NFL start I’m feeling woozy.

Photo Credit: Instagram