Amber Rose Sad Ass Revenge

By Lex October 16, 2014 @ 7:17 AM

Amber Rose Shows Butt On Instagram
Splitting asunder that institution where you used to whisper saccharin sweet pet names while lapping each other’s genitals is all about reparing that bruised ego. Wiz Khalifa fucked twins. I don’t care how you brace yourself as the mannish looking wife of a shady rapper, that has to hurt. Posting pictures of your ass on Instagram is not going to cut it. Why bother even playing if that’s your best response. This is the stoned ass-hat who befouled your sacred vows before Jesus and a bunch of dudes with gold caps packing heat. He discredited you and the likely to be troubled child you must now raise. Put on a wig and some Bruce Jenner level pre-op makeup and go fuck the tar out of three dudes Khalifa hates the most in this world. You back down now and you will grow old and bitter with regret. Even if he dies within the year from bare banging an Ebola infected nurse, dancing on his grave will feel empty without the jizz of his enemies swimming in your honeypot.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Jas and Ness Rose Are Seeking Opportunity

By Lex October 01, 2014 @ 11:57 AM

Jas and Ness Rose Share Instagram And Amber Roses Name
I get the instinct to fuck your way famous in Hollywood. If you’re reasonably attractive and can squeal in the sack, it’s a short cut through all the other forms of pseudo prostitution the ugly people must endure. Jas and Ness Rose, the street fashion designing twins who jointly sister banged Wiz Khalifa out of his marriage to Amber Rose are working their Instagram account for maximum vagina recognition. Social media commenters who carry the righteousness of Moses and the spelling of a developmentally delayed preschooler felt the need to put these sisters in context:

Nasty insesting sister …fucking disgusting..an the manz married , yall sum bottom of the barrel bitches

That’s actually more profound than the syntax might let on. Though I’m not sure fucking the same guy is technically incest, it’s just Happy Fun Special #11 on the Jass and Ness menu.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Wiz Khalifa Went Out With a Bang

By Matt October 01, 2014 @ 6:15 AM

Wiz

Amber Rose reportedly walked in on Wiz Khalifa banging twin sisters in their house, which was against their marital vows or something. This is according to DJ Peter Rosenberg, who claims Rose is a friend of his and also acknowledges being a bitchy little gossip queen. Rosenberg says Khalifa’s people spun the story a different way to make him seem less at fault. Those reps should have factored in the street points involved with bedding nubile young ebony twins. Rosenberg explained how it went down, most likely while nursing a four inch woody:

“Amber walked in on him with two women at the same time. Twins, twin sisters, twin biological sisters.”

Twin biological sisters is pretty freaking well played. Step sisters or soul sisters would’ve been like learning Santa didn’t really come down your chimney to leave you that firetruck. These chicks once shared an egg. Now they’re sharing your cock. That’s primal and crudely triumphant. Marriage is a sacred union, but sometimes you have to weigh your options. Especially when you are a straight guy married to a dude named Amber.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Amber Rose Divorces Wiz Khalifa

By Lex September 24, 2014 @ 12:01 PM

Amber Rose Files For Divorce From Wiz Khalifa

Ah, damn, if these two wonderful kids couldn’t make it past a year and one illegitimate child. For Amber Rose, being a multi-rapper plundered woman with a baby and the face of a Dutch boy painting, she’ll come up, fuck, roses. But Whiz Khalifa, I expect this to hit him the hardest. Not quite so bad as losing your reefer connect or a member of your traveling squad posse or your merch manager or public relations lead or or mixmaster or even that bitch in Indiana who can tea bag your entire genital package, still, this is your wife and baby mama. That pain’s going to linger for minutes on end.

You can see the divorce documents on TMZ. Yes, TMZ has a team of aggressive midgets that live in small lean-to’s outside the courthouses waiting for these kinds of filings. I’m sorry, aggressive little-people, like in Beijing.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Amber Rose Leads To Questions

By Matt September 15, 2014 @ 6:05 AM

AR

Amber Rose posted some photos of herself where her body looks pretty hot, but is still attached to her twink face leading to a philosophical conundrum of whether or not banging her makes you gay. Its kind of like letting a dude blow you with the lights off, super gray area. This androgyny coupled with Rose strongly resembling Keanu Reeves in that scene from The Matrix where he wakes up bald and covered in plasma in a human manufacturing plant suggests the fashion world may just be playing one long con on dudes who occasionally flip through magazines at the dentist’s office. Rose has been frequently hired as a model despite being less attractive than the notary typing up her contracts. Some suggest her career success can be traced back to her teen stripper moxie, her relationships with several well known rappers, or just the fact that the power brokers in the fashion industry become super erect at the thought of a tiny alien boy with big tits. Yeah, it’s the last one.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Joanna Krupa And Carmen Electra Shared a Birthday Party

By Lex April 25, 2014 @ 1:02 PM

Joanna Krupa And Carmen Electra Celebrate Their Birthdays Together At Hooray Henry's In Los Angeles
Carmen Electra and Joanna Krupa partied the night away at a Hollywood nightclub, pretending they weren’t as old as it says on their birth certificates that are more smudged than the Obama one some operative made on his Adobe Illustrator than ran through a washing machine a couple times. The two good looking ladies of opportunity have become good friends, bonding over their connection of not really having any specific talent but still thriving in the talent industry. It isn’t a science, it’s an art. Like the confidence arts. Wave ‘em in the air like you just don’t care, ladies.

Photo Credit: Splash