Jennifer Lopez has officially quit ‘American Idol’

By brendon July 13, 2012 @ 2:31 PM

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Everyone got the gist of this one from the headline, right? Thank God. Now here’s Maggie Q at Comic-Con yesterday. THIS CHICK IS UNDERRATED! She should have been the new Catwoman instead of giant headed Anne Hathaway. Catwoman should be lithe. Anne Hathaway is clunky. I could kick Anne Hathaways ass, and that’s not just empty bragging, I mean it. In fact I’ll fight almost any girl or child you can think of.

(image source = bauer griffin)

Mariah Carey “in serious talks” to judge American idol

By brendon July 13, 2012 @ 1:05 PM

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Unfettered by their experience with demanding pain in the ass Jennifer Lopez, Us.com says ‘American Idol’ producers want demanding pain in the ass Mariah Carey to replace her as a judge next season.

If anyone could handle her it should be Randy Jackson (he’s her manager) but this supports previous reports that the plan is to clean house and get 3 all new judges, so he’ll be gone too.

“They are in serious talks with Mariah and it’s very close to being a done deal,” the source says. “And they will move Randy into a more mentoring role.”
The insider added that show producers are scrambling to fill the other two slots alongside Carey; other celebs who have been considered to sit at the judges’ table include Fergie and Adam Lambert.

If nothing else Mariah would be on time more than Lopez. All they’d have to do is send someone to stand outside her house dressed up as a chocolate chip cookie and she’d chase him to the studio.

(image source of mariah in london on june 25 = wenn)

Steven Tyler is leaving ‘American Idol’

By brendon July 12, 2012 @ 5:08 PM

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Giving credence to the rumor that ‘American Idol’ will have three all new judges next season, Henifaa Yopez told the Today show this morning that “maybe it’s time for me to go”, and now Steven Tyler–who could have dragged this out for months to be the center of attention like some media whores–has released a statement saying it’s definitely time for him to go.

“After some long … hard … thoughts … I’ve decided it’s time for me to let go of my mistress American Idol before she boils my rabbit. I strayed from my first love, Aerosmith, and I’m back — but instead of begging on my hands and knees, I’ve got two fists in the air and I’m kicking the door open with my band.”

Meanwhile, Randy Jackson is laying low, screening phone calls from Fox, and hoping no one remembers to deactivate his key card.

Adam Lambert might be one of three new judges on ‘Idol’

By brendon July 10, 2012 @ 3:26 PM

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Jennifer Lopez can’t be bothered to tell Fox if she’ll return as a judge for another season on ‘American Idol’ (even though she reportedly made up her mind to leave 2 months ago), but now E! say’s that Steven Tyler and Randy Watson (typo that I’m keeping bc of this) might not be back either, and that Season 8 alum Adam Lambert is the popular choice to replace at least one of them.

“Popular” in this case being a very very relative term.

“They have been talking about Adam for over a month. He personifies the show, and will be a popular choice right from the start. He knows what it’s like to be on the receiving end of the judges’ comments, he has a human touch, and they know they can’t go wrong if they bring him on. He would be able to bring a unique perspective to the show. People love him.”

Miley Cyrus, Katy Perry, Fergie and Nicki Minaj are also being considered but with Lambert all those dumb family advocate groups would freak the fuck out so hopefully he’ll get hired. I hate those groups. I don’t give a shit if your stupid family is offended by nipples, profanity, or gay people on TV. Your family, your buzzkill God, your problem.

Cheryl Cole might replace Jennifer Lopez on American Idol

By brendon May 23, 2012 @ 3:53 PM

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It was just 12 months ago that the fantastic looking Cheryl Cole was all set to be a judge on ‘the X Factor’, and she was for a few episodes until Simon Cowell replaced her with Nicole Scherzinger.

But now the New York Post says she’s been approached about being a judge on ‘American Idol’, which is even bigger than ‘the X Factor’, so you can go fuck yourself Simon.

(Producers) reached out to Cole on Monday to see if she’d be interested — either alongside Jennifer Lopez or as a replacement if J.Lo jumps ship.
Whether 28-year old Cole can be a big enough draw will be a question for Madison Avenue as it considers ponying up again for the ad slots.

What’s wrong with Kelly Clarkson? Why doesn’t anyone ever suggest her as a judge? Or Carrie Underwood? Wouldn’t fans of the show like that, and wouldn’t it attract advertisers? But whatever, don’t listen to me I guess. There are heroes in our midst, all around us everyday, if only people would take the time to look.

(more of the headline pic here, image source of cheryl shooting a video in la last month = fame/flynet, at cannes earlier this week = fame/flynet, at the ‘what to expect’ premiere in london last night = wenn, getty)

Henifaa Yopez is leaving ‘American Idol’

By brendon May 16, 2012 @ 5:10 PM

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As was mentioned earlier, Jennifer Lopez has gone from the verge of obscurity to number 1 on the Forbes 100 in just 2 years, and she owes it all to ‘American Idol’ for making her relevant again.

So naturally, despite the fact that the show desperately wants her back for a third season, they can go fuck themselves and she’s just gonna bail. At least according to Marc Malkin of E!:

While J.Lo has publicly said she has yet to make a decision about her future on Idol, sources exclusively tell me that she she’s planning on calling it quits.
“She’s just too busy,” one source said.
I’m told Lopez will be on the road, at the very least, through the end of the year.
The next round of Idol auditions will begin while she’s overseas.

Obviously there’s a very real chance she put this out there herself to force Fox into giving her a raise. To which I feel a very justified response would be for Fox to beat her with bars of soap in a pillowcase.