‘American Idol’ officially announced Henniffa Yopez and Steven Tyler as their two new judges this afternoon, with Ryan Seacrest on the ‘Idol’ stage hosting a big announcement show, and Holy Shit is this thing boring. I starting watching it to see Lopez get announced, but then it dawned on me what I was doing and I stopped.
Jennifer Lopez is a mean selfish cunt and everyone hates her, so when reports claimed her insane demands made it impossible for ‘American Idol’ to sign her as a judge this season, they seemed extremely believable.
But then yesterday, TMZ said, “someone is trying to sabotage ‘American Idol’ by dragging Jennifer Lopez through the mud.” They said those stories were lies, planted by her enemies. Lopez is a delightful woman it seems, and nothing at all like Oh wait never mind she still sucks….
“(American Idol is) taking all the attention of what a nightmare J.Lo is to work with…”
“Of all the people I have ever worked with, no one was more difficult than Jennifer,” a magazine editor tells (Popeater). “When we shot her for a cover, her list of demands were crazy. She needed an all white room scented with Jo Malone candles. She insisted on having a banquet of food — that she never touched — and even had the nerve to ask for a specific type of private plane.”
Nonetheless, yesterday she signed a one year contract for $12,000,000.
So if you ever want to know why most movies and TV sucks, there you go. Because Hollywood is run by retards. No one likes her, she can’t sing, she’s not smart or funny, she adds nothing but pandemonium to a live TV show. They might as well have hired a hundred wild pigs, set their tails on fire and just turned them loose on stage.
Despite being unpopular, unqualified, and a demanding pain in the ass, Jennifer Lopez is apparently still the producers top choice as the third judge on American Idol next season, and things could be official in just a few days. It’s astounding, but TMZ says…
…contrary to some news reports, there has been no drama and no diva demands. As one source puts it, “It’s been typical negotiating.”
We’re told … absent a last-minute snag (which is highly unlikely) … the deal could be inked as early as next week.
“Idol” sources say producers believe Jennifer is the key to re-energizing the show.
The only real problem with her as a judge is that no one likes and she has no idea what the hell she’s talking about. Is there a show that combines a hot dog eating contest with making your maid cry? Because if there was a show like that, she’d be all set.
RIHANNA – says there is no typo on her tat, as was reported yesterday. “Rebelle fleur translates to rebel flower, NOT rebellious flower, it’s 2 nouns so in that case fleur does not HAVE to be first!” So see. Her dumb tat works on a lot of different levels. (ok!)
JENNIFER LOPEZ – was too big a bitch for ‘American Idol’ to deal with, and now she’s tweeting pictures of her diamonds to… um, prove it, I guess.
NOTE TO SELF: go rob Jennifer Lopez. (huff post)
JULRI WATERS – is the Playboy model in the banner picture, and she’ll be in Sturgis today signing stuff (details). I know I mentioned this yesterday, but I could either post a picture of the girl who gets a perfect score in every category I use to rank girls, or Hilary Swank, who is still waiting for science to determine what sex she is. (direct link to the full size NSFW banner picture here. source = playboy)
HILARY SWANK – is in Hawaii with boyfriend John Campisi, just sort of hanging out by a sign in a bikini. If these two lovebirds have a wedding in their future, Hilary is sure to make a beautiful bride and/or groom. (pacific coast)
AVRIL LAVIGNE – went swimming in Malibu yesterday and for a second her top slipped down a little (NSFW version here). If you can’t open the picture right now, just imagine someone took Grovers nose and put it on a dry erase board. Except not that sexy. (the sun)
LADY GAGA – does cocaine a couple of times a year but doesn’t condone it or think her fans should emulate her. She does want them to continue having terrible taste in music though. (us)
AMERICAN IDOL – offered Steven Tyler the final spot as a judge and he’s “probably” going to take it. Tyler of course is the singer and founding member of Aerosmith, who has 4 Grammys, 21 top 40 songs, is the best-selling American band ever (150 million albums), and has the most gold and multi-platinum albums by an American band ever. Still, when it comes to music, I’d like to hear what Randy Jackson has to say. (people)
MONTANA FISHBURNE – has sex in a car, a hotel room and at the mall in her first porn movie, out on August 18th. Maybe for the sequel she can have sex at her dads funeral on August 19th. (vivid)
Bored indifference is sweeping the nation today because there’s been a series of reports, breaking one after another, about the new judges panel for American Idol.
First Ellen DeGeneres announced on her twitter she was leaving after just one year, then Kara DioGuardi was fired so the show could go back to the original format of 3 judges instead of 4, then Deadline Hollywood announced Jennifer Lopez has been hired, then they said Steven Tyler had been offered the final spot to join Lopez and Randy Jackson.
In other words the show will still suck and rarely ever succeed at its stated goal, and now it’s gonna look even weirder. A fat black guy, and old man, and a Puerto Rican girl in skin tight outfits. They’re gonna look like a sci-fi tribunal. They could critique bad singing or sentence General Zod to the Phantom Zone. Either one.