miley cyrus will be on ‘american idol’ this week

By brendon March 22, 2010 @ 3:13 PM


In what sounds like some sort of elaborate trick, Miley Cyrus will go on American Idol this week as a mentor to the remaining 11 contestants. Meaning she’ll teach them what she knows about singing and a career in Hollywood. The winner will be determined by who can stifle their laughter the longest. USA Today says…

Miley Cyrus will appear as a guest mentor on tomorrow night’s show.  The theme is Billboard No.1 Hits.
On Wednesday’s results show, Cyrus will perform her hit ‘When I Look At You’. Joe Jonas and Demi Lovato will also be on hand to sing ‘Make A Wave’.

Fox better hope those two songs are 45 minutes each because this is a 2 hour show and the only advice Miley could give is, “sell yourself to Disney and do everything they say.”

(image source = splash news online)

what a sexy show this is

By brendon January 28, 2010 @ 6:25 PM

Last night ‘American Idol’ stopped in Dallas, where one of the contestants was a 23-year-old with a whip and wrapped in skin tight leather named Erica Rhodes. She dressed that way because she used to be in the cast of ‘Barney and Friends’, and wanted to show the judges she wasn’t the same sweet little girl they remembered.

Of course the only reason they knew she used to be the sweet little girl they almost certainly didn’t remember was because she told them she was, but now she wasn’t. She wasn’t that thing they never knew about before, and she would prefer to not be compared to that person that they never knew existed in the first place. And then there was a whip cracking sound.

To be honest her plan doesn’t make as much sense if you sit here and analyze it to death.

katy perry has had enough

By brendon January 27, 2010 @ 3:17 PM

Katy Perry was one of the guest judges last night on ‘American Idol’ when they stopped in LA, and you may find this hard to believe but she seemed to be annoyed by Kara DiWhateverhernameis, and even threatened to throw a drink in her face. Rawwrr! This kittens got claws!

But the real zinger came when DioGuardi began belting out Perry’s smash hit “I Kissed a Girl.” Within seconds, Perry interrupted, “Please stop before I throw my Coke in your face!”

In Katys defense, Kara is annoying. She always has to be the center of attention, the kind of person who tries to kill themselves by holding their breath or calls 911 after eating ice cream too fast.

Little Nicky has his first single

By brendon October 21, 2009 @ 3:45 PM

Adam Lambert | MySpace Video

When Little Nicky was on ‘American Idol’ last year, many were wondering what he was gonna do in the studio because on stage he was at his best when singing over the top insanity and screaming like a woman. The answer was to have Alain Johannes and Natasha Shneider, who played with Queens of the Stone Age on ‘Songs for the Deaf’, write some over the top insanity where he could scream like a woman, then give it to that stupid ’2012′ movie.

In the video, the world seems to be falling apart, and I was very frightened, but Adams calm and level headed walking really put me at ease.

paula vs. ellen, round 1

By brendon September 18, 2009 @ 4:21 PM

Last night Paula Abdul channeled all her seething contempt for Ellen DeGeneres and opened the 2009 VH1 Divas concert by doing an impression of her. Meaning she dressed like a man and danced like she was smuggling something packed inside her anus. A better impression of Ellen would have been to have sex with Portia de Rossi, but only if we all went back to 1990 first. Point being, about an hour ago on twitter, Ellen condescendingly patted Paula on the head and told her to run along now.

Paula- you’re hilarious. You’ve left me some big shoes to fill…unfortunately I don’t wear high heels. Nothing but love for you too.

Yes it must be intimidating to have to follow Paula Abdul.  So much preparation must be involved, like knowing which way to point your chair during the show, and the ability to recognize your name when called upon.

Ellen has joined American Idol

By brendon September 09, 2009 @ 11:05 PM


Ellen DeGeneres is a mean-spirited ungrateful bitch who many, many people in Hollywood genuinely despise (more on that here). She also has no practical experience in the music industry. Combine these two things and it only makes sense that she’s been named the fourth judge on ‘American Idol’. I’m lying of course. What. The fuck.

DeGeneres will sit alongside Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson and Kara DioGuardi and offer her own unique perspective to the contestants throughout the competition,” Fox television says in a statement.
DeGeneres, 51, begins her stint after the audition rounds, which have featured a rotating group of celebrity guest judges including Shania Twain, Victoria Beckham, Mary J. Blige, Joe Jonas and Kristin Chenoweth.

All 5 of the people on that list would have been a better choice, and I don’t even know who 2 of them are. There is literally no one on earth that would have been this bad. If someone stood next to you and acted the way she does, with her annoying dancing and embarrassingly stupid jokes, you’d call the fucking cops.