Posh may be permanent

By brendon August 12, 2009 @ 6:49 PM

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Victoria Beckham of course filled in for Paual Abdul when auditions began last week in Denver for season 9 of “American Idol”, but according to producers it was to be a one time thing. And yet now E! is reporting that Victoria is on her way to Boston for the second round of judging as well. Could this mean she’s already been named as the full time fourth judge? What about Katy Perry and Jessica Simpson, who were also considered? Will they be on the show at all now? How the hell would I know. Leave me alone!

Posh Spice just joined staffers from the hit Fox reality competition aboard an American Airlines flight bound for Boston, site of this week’s round of American Idol auditions.
Natalie Eshaya, a producer for Idol host Ryan Seacrest’s syndicated KIIS-FM radio show, offered a play-by-play via Twitter.
“Hmmm victoria beckham on our flight to boston….hmmm!” Eshaya tweeted. “We are going for idol….she must be too! Interesting!!”
Last week show producers said they wanted to stick to the four-judge format, with guest judges like Beckham and Katy Perry serving as one-time-only fill-ins.

I love Victoria so this would be fine with me. I love her hot little outfits, her uppity little façade, and the fact that beneath that she seems genuinely nice and self-effacing. More to the point it would mean Paula would be officially gone, and all these rumors of her returning for the finals would go away. I’d rather see ten-story meat eating dinosaurs come back before Paula Abdul.

Afternoon Headlines

By brendon August 07, 2009 @ 7:24 PM

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VICTORIA BECKHAM – was in Denver today to fill in for Paula Abdul on the first day of American Idol auditions. New rumors claim Paula may still return if they pay her 10M. To recap: Paula quit late Tuesday night, and by Friday morning the producers had replaced her with someone far smarter, hotter, younger and free. Ahh, well played Paula. I think someone has been reading “The Prince”. (source = the ap)

WILL SMITH AND JADA PINKETT – deny that they are scientologists and say the private school they founded will not teach scientology, but Jada fired the head of the school last week after she complained about the curriculum, and now her replacement is an active scientologist. Conspiracy, or is that just what the aliens want us to think? (source = radar)

HEATHER GRAHAM – is in Barcelona today with her boyfriend, who I heard is gay and/or cheating and/or kills prostitutes. Whichever one might drive her to me faster, that’s the one I heard. (hq jump = here)

Good riddance jackass

By brendon August 05, 2009 @ 9:48 AM

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Oh holy crap finally. Finally, finally, Paula Abduls dumb ass is off “American Idol”, saying on her twitter page 11 hours ago:

With sadness in my heart, I’ve decided not to return to Idol. I’ll miss nurturing all the new talent, but most of all I’ll miss being a part of a show that I helped from day 1 become an international phenomenon.

There is so much wrong with the second half of that statement I don’t even know where to begin.  At best she was useless.  More often she was a drunken menace, and usually it wasn’t even clear if she was talking to the right person because her “advice” rarely had any relevance to anything that had happened on stage.  Listening to her is like reading a transcript from some other language done by someone who only barely speaks English.  And they had to do it in a hurry.  And someone had just whacked them in the head.

Paula deserves a raise

By brendon July 20, 2009 @ 11:18 AM

It goes without saying that Paula Abdul never has any idea WTF she’s talking about. I’ve seen what people look like when they’re high. What they look like is exactly like this. Which is a real hurdle when your contract is up and your job is to offer lucid commentary and pointed advice. The LA Times says…

“Very sadly, it does not appear that she’s going to be back on ‘American Idol,’ ” David Sonenberg, Abdul’s manager, told The Times when contacted about the judge’s contract negotiations.
With auditions for the ninth season due to start Aug. 6, Sonenberg says he doesn’t even have a proposal for a new contract.
“I find it under these circumstances particularly unusual; I think unnecessarily hurtful,” he said of the contract holdup. “I find it kind of unconscionable and certainly rude and disrespectful that they haven’t stepped up and said what they want to do.”

Paula wants a 300 percent raise because the “rude and disrespectful” company only paid her 2.5 million last year. Keep in mind all she does is confuse the people she’s supposed to be helping. It’s like she thinks she’s there to throw the contestants off track. Like it’s a trick to see how much they can overcome. She was asked once about her approach to judging:

Paula Abdul: “One trick is to tell ‘em stories that don’t go anywhere – like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on ‘em. “Give me five bees for a quarter,” you’d say.
Now where were we? Oh yeah: the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones…”

Simon Cowell will make 144m

By brendon June 30, 2009 @ 1:58 PM

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144 million dollars per season. 144 million. Dollars. One hundred. And forty-four. Million. Dollars.  Per season.  Which is five months long. 144 million dollars for five months.  Five months. One hundred and forty-four million dollars to judge “American Idol”. For five months.

Fuck my life.

EARLY salary figures from Simon Cowell’s ‘American Idol’ contract negotiations are leaking out and they’re eye-popping.
Cowell, who reportedly made $36 million last year for judging the hit competition show, has been offered three or four times that amount — between $100 million and $144 million per year — by co-producers Fox and 19 Entertainment to stick with ‘Idol’ when his contract expires next May.
While $36 million may seem like a lot of money for five months worth of snarky comments and eye-rolls, it’s only a fraction of the estimated $900 million that ‘Idol’ rakes in a year.”

Hopefully Paula will read this and go to the producers and say she wants 144 million a year too.  If she does do that, cover your ears, because big laughs are coming.

Best story ever?

By brendon June 18, 2009 @ 6:06 AM

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Today will certainly be embarrassing for 2008 “American Idol” runner-up David Archuleta, and I’m sure he would appreciate everyone’s understanding and discretion. But that sure as fuck isn’t gonna happen here. Not after his pain-in-ass-dad got busted with his dick in a prostitute.  Us magazine says…

“The father of ‘American Idol’ runner-up David Archuleta was charged with soliciting a massage parlor prostitute, stemming from a raid in January.
Jeff Archuleta pleaded no contest and paid a $582 fine after being busted at the Queens of Reiki on Jan. 14 in Midvale, Utah.
During the raid, Midvale officers found one client receiving services, according to news reports.
‘Two of our detectives went back to that room to stop the activity,’ Midvale Police Sgt. John Salazar told news outlets. ‘Inside they found a female masseuse and male client. At that time an interview ensued and the male client admitted to receiving sexual gratification from the masseuse.’
Jeff Archuleta, 41, was that male client, according to court documents.
But his lawyer Eric Bauer told NBC4 in Midvale that he was there getting legitimate massage therapy for his back.

“Legitimate massage therapy for his back”?  Wow.  The balls on this guy.  I’ve never been to a prostitute (in this country) but if I got arrested I like to think I could do better than that.  Like it wasn’t prostitution at all.  We we’re having a contest to see if I could come in her mouth.  And if I could she got 100 dollars in prize money.  Yaay, she did it, she won!