I didn’t watch a second of American idol this year, but David Cook is this years winner. I don’t know who that is, or if he’s any good, but this picture came up when I ran a search on Getty. No wonder he won. He gives everyone presents on Christmas. People love that.
Controversy on "American Idol" last night, after Paula Abduls drunk ass told finalist Jason Castro that his second song left her a little empty. Quite possibly because he didn’t sing a second song. Randy tries to cover for her, but Paula blurts out, "Oh my god, I thought you sang twice". To be fair to Paula, it is hard to be moved by things that don't happen. Why just this morning I was not invited to judge the Brazilian Supermodel Cocksucking Championships. You might think that was a big deal, but whatever man. I might not even do it.
TOM CRUISE IS FUNNY - The New York Times says an industry screening Tuesday night for the Ben Stiller movie "Tropic Thunder" – the one where Robert Downy Jr plays a black guy – was noteworthy mostly for the surprise cameo by Tom Cruise as a fat, balding and ruthless movie executive. The uncredited cameo was supposed to be a surprise, as Cruise is not included in any commercials or promotional material, but you can find a picture of him in character here. What you won't find is the strength to open your heart and love again. That’s been inside you the whole time.
THAT GIRL WAS VOTED OFF - People magazine says that Ramiele Malubay was voted off American Idol last night, and they say it in the hottest way possible. “It was an all-female bottom three as Brooke White and Kristy Lee Cook joined Ramiele Malubay…” Rawr. What a sexy show this is.
HEATHER MILLS IS CLEVER – Heather Mills was seen on her way to Los Angeles yesterday in black wig, a cunning disguise that caused many to say, "Hey look, there’s Heather Mills in a black wig". Plan B: a handlebar mustache and monocle.
If you’re not keeping up with the Bulgarian version of "American Idol", your life isn't as happy and dance filled as it should be. I don't think I'm exaggerating one bit when i say this young man may be the most electrifying singer of our generation.
The Daily News quotes a report by the Associated Press saying that American Idol finalist David Hernandez, "appeared fully nude and performed lap dances for the club's mostly male clientèle" at a gay strip club in Phoenix (*). The story was seemingly first reported by the scourge of American Idol, Vote For The Worst. This is mostly noteworthy because David claims to be straight. A few quotes from VFTW:
Since we posted the article, we've gotten nothing but confirmation posts from people coming out of the woodwork, and we learned his stripper name was Caden:
tk_az- "He most definitely was a stripper at Dick's Cabaret. And he is a prick too. Gave me a lap dance one night that I didn't even ask for, then demanded $40 for it."
AZBornAndRaised- "These "rumors" are 100% TRUE! I personally saw him at Dick's Caberet where his boyfriend actually stripped, too. Both of them are totally hot!"
PhoenixBoi- "I will 100% confirm this rumor is true too! I met him at Burn about a year ago when he worked there. I also encountered him at Dick's Cabaret about 6 months ago. “Caden” gave me one of the best lap dances ever and I will never forget it. He said he was bi, but I could care less."
admdavid- "Yes, he is/was a stripper at Dick's. He has a very hot boyfriend. He's sung karaoke at BS West with his very hot boyfriend looking on. I've run into him at Amsterdam and Charlie's before, too."
If all of that isn’t proof enough, just look at those jazz hands. That, my friends, is a guy who jacks guys off, no doubt about it. And he does it with Razzmatazz.
(*) editors note - Ryan also lives in Phoenix. Coincidence? Maybe, maybe not.
Last nights "American Idol" premiere had the usual collection of retards trying to be funny and failing miserably. Us magazine says these were the three worst auditions (other two here), but the only one with William Hungs showmanship and star quality is the Star Wars chick. She even does a wookie impression. Why? Because her life is fantastic.
