Afternoon Headlines

By brendon May 27, 2009 @ 1:56 PM


MICHAEL LOHAN – Lindsays dad was apparently arrested on April 6th for threatening to kill his fiancée and himself when she tried to break up with him.  I wonder if that worked.  I normally just beg and cry and lay down in front of her tires. (source = ny post)

AMERICAN IDOL – AT&T employees attended two “American Idol” parties in Kris Allens home state, and they brought demo phones and showed how to send up to 10 text messages at once.  AT&T is the only network that can be used to vote on Idol with a text.  Idol says this did not effect who won, but some are saying this was a plot to keep the gay guy from winning.  And it worked.  It was risky, but sending store reps to parties in Arkansas was the only possible way for producers to fix the show.  (source = people)

HAYLIE DUFF – before you could be polite to Haylie Duff and say, “she’d be pretty like her sister if she just got a nose job.” Now she’s ugly and you can’t blame it on anything. So thanks Haylie, thanks for making everything real awkward. (image source = pacific coast)

God this show is dumb

By brendon May 21, 2009 @ 5:55 AM

This is the only decent video I could find showing Ryan Seacrest announcing the winner of last nights “American Idol”, and it opens with Adam Lambert and the dude whose name I’m not even gonna bother to learn because there’s no point singing “We Are the Champions” with Queen. I stopped watching this season when the hot chicks got kicked off, but Adam Lambert should have won this shit. He may look like Little Nicky, but that fuckin dude can sing, especially all that over-the-top rock opera stuff. At least he’s interesting. That other dude is like watching a fish tank for 40 minutes.  Except there’s no fish in it.  Because it’s not a real fish tank just the words “fish tank” written in pencil on an otherwise blank sheet of paper.

Paula Abdul has still got it

By brendon May 07, 2009 @ 9:58 AM

Paula Abdul mocked the very premise of her own show last night when she lip-synched her new song on “American Idol”, and no one expects you to watch this whole clip, because that would be mean, especially since you only need to see two things to understand her idiocy:

Around the 2:20 mark, a nice young man helps her across the stage (it’s more reminiscent of what you would see in a nursing home going in the direction of the bathroom then, say, a Britney concert) and, while wearing a headset microphone, she’s starts singing into a second microphone on a stand. This has led some to assume she was lip-synching, because if you notice, the audience wasn’t blown out of their seats and pressed against the back wall which is what would have happened if her “connecting to the internet with dial-up” like voice had been boomed through two microphones.

Around 3:06, she’s crawling on her knees and then eventually kind of lumbers up to her feet and twitches for a while. If you can’t get this video to work, just imagine the silhouette of a penguin woofing down a whole fish but set to crappy music. I’m sure in her mind she’s poppin these moves at a hundred miles per hour, but in reality it looks more like a senior citizen exercise video specifically designed so you can also do it from a seated position if need be.

morning headlines

By brendon April 01, 2009 @ 7:15 AM

BRUNO – the first cut of the follow-up to “Borat” has received an NC-17 rating.  Maybe because of the scene where the black baby he bought arrives in a cardboard box at the airport.  Or because you can see the baby in pictures of Bruno having gay sex.  And yet he’s still a better parent than either of the Lohans.  (source = the wrap)

MADONNA – the fundraiser she held 14 months ago to raise money for Malawi brought in an impressive $3.7 million.  It will help save lives, as soon as she finds it.  To be fair, she’s never explained where the money is or what it’s for, so it’s almost like it never even existed.  (411)

AMERICAN IDOL – Megan Joy is expected to be cut from AI tonight, so good news for people who like things that suck.  That hot black girl from Mississippi was the best package by a mile, but she’s gone, now so is Megan and her huge rack.  Fox better get Marisa Miller to sit in the audience and lick her breasts or else no one will ever watch this POS.  (source = E! and Dial Idol)

afternoon headlines

By brendon March 25, 2009 @ 2:37 PM

ISAIAH WASHINGTON – the former “Grey's Anatomy” star is being evicted from his home near Santa Monica because he is 5 months late on the rent.  Which in this case equals $100,000.  People in Omaha who pay 2 grand for a five-bedroom with a fenced yard must be laughing their ass off right now.  (source = ap

AMERICAN IDOL – producers for the show admitted today that the group number that opens each results show is lip-synched.  “Due to extensive choreography and to balance their voices with open mikes against a screaming audience, the Idols do sing along to their own prerecorded vocal track…”  The guy apologized, but I think he misunderstood.  If they could just turn on a radio for the entire hour that would be terrific. (source = ny times)

ZHANG ZIYI – finally, new pictures of the “Crouching Tiger” star on a topless beach in January.  The guy understandably burying his face in her ass is her boyfriend.  Hopefully.  Otherwise I masturbated to a rape in progress, and there's no way I can talk my way out of that again.

someone here craves attention

By brendon February 13, 2009 @ 5:54 AM

Katrina Darrell is better known as the girl who auditioned for "American Idol" in a bikini, then tried to make out with Ryan Seacrest.  She made it through the first two rounds but got bounced this week because she sorta sucked and was annoying.   People should vote for Casey Carlson instead, who is twice as hot while trying half as hard.  She's a natural beauty, much like myself.  And she can sing, so she doesn’t have to do stuff like this.  Stuff like go to Everything But Water in Beverly Hills and scream for attention.  This Katrina chick is gonna kill herself when she finds out she’s not that hot.  Her legs are good, and her ass is terrific, but she’s sort of ugly.  And her tits aren’t very big, which annoys me.  There’s no point in wearing a bikini unless you have big tits.  There’s barely even a point to being a girl.

(picture source – pacific coast)