Amy Winehouse is going on tour sometime next year. No, they aren’t reanimating her desiccated carcass, even though she’s probably pickled for long term storage. Her father is looking to squeeze out a few more dollars from his deceased child by touring a hologram of the late singer. It’s the same technology they used to project a dead Tupac at Coachella last year when all the white hipster kids went crazy thinking about how they would’ve loved to tell everybody what a genius Tupac was had they lived fifteen years earlier. This technology is only in the begining phases of development. You’ll probably be seeing more of this kind of morbid cynical moneymaking shit in the future. Within ten years you’ll be able to pay get backstage with hologram Amy for what feels like a blowjob from a girl with Smirnoff breath. So start saving now. Fifty bucks isn’t just something you come up with at the last second.
Loaded is a magazine in the UK, and it’s usually terrific with lots of pictures of really hot girls (in April it was Jennifer Metcalfe, this month they had Hannah Simone, the hot Indian model from ‘New Girl’), but for June someone thought it would be a good idea to have Tara Reid. In a bikini.
Suffice to say it was not a good idea, and I don’t appreciate it at all. And it was certainly uncalled for to wrap her in the flag and remind everyone that she’s American.
So maybe we’ll just start with a few pictures of Amy Winehouse in front of the Union Jack. Two can play this little game, you limey bastards!
(image source = loaded, splash)
When Amy Winehouse died, her dad Mitch told everyone that, though he wasn’t certain about what killed her, she definitely didn’t overdose because she was clean now and not drinking or doing any more drugs. And he told everyone to just wait until the autopsy and you’ll see. Well now the autopsy done, and you’ll never guess what we’re seeing.
The Sun says…
AMY Winehouse died of alcohol poisoning after being more than FIVE TIMES the legal driving limit, an inquest has found.
Police discovered two large and a small bottle of vodka after the star’s body was found at her £2.3million home.
Recording a verdict of misadventure, St Pancras Coroner Suzanne Greenway said the singer had 416mg of alcohol per 100ml of blood. The driving limit is 80mg.
“She had consumed sufficient alcohol at 416mg per decilitre (of blood) and the unintended consequence of such potentially fatal levels was her sudden and unexpected death.”
Oh so it turns out she did drink herself to death. Is that what you guessed? I assumed it was gonna be too much exercise or something like that. Life sure can be unpredictable.
Mitch Winehouse has been having the time of his life ever since that spotlight-stealing daughter of his finally died. He’s been going on TV, and doing interviews, and last night he held a party at Amy’s favorite bar (the Jazz After Dark in London). Because that’s a completely appropriate way to mourn someone who drank themselves to death 5 days ago. “God I wish she had died when she still had all her money,” he probably thought to himself. “But nooo, Little Mary Live-A-Lot had to drag that shit out for 5 years, like some kind of white-trash Rasputin.”
(image source = pacific coast and fame)
If you’re like the friends and family of Amy Winehouse, you looked at her and saw a rock-steady pillar of strength and an iron will. You’re also in deep deep denial, and laugh out loud stupid.
Amy Winehouse’s family are convinced she was killed by QUITTING booze, The Sun can reveal.
They believe the singer’s decision to lay off alcohol completely for three weeks was a lethal “shock” for her tiny body.
NOTE: she was still drinking up until the day she died but whatever.
Family sources say Amy died after ignoring her doctor’s advice to cut down on her heavy drinking gradually.
And the tragic star’s loved ones believe she was killed by a seizure because her tiny 4ft 11in frame could not cope with such a dramatic withdrawal.
As proof, consider the time when that scientist guy in the cave built that magnet to keep the shrapnel out of Tony Starks heart. Without the magnet inside of him, Tony would die. This is exactly like that. Except with whiskey.