By Lex April 22, 2014 @ 2:44 PM
Mmm, burger and ass. That’s only been the best combination since the dawn of time. Sometimes, I’ll see a fine woman’s ass in a bikini and think to myself, man, how fat would I have to get eating Carl’s Jr. burgers before I could hit that. And I know she’s looking at me thinking, if you can eat all 1,800 calories in one mouth stuffing bite, I will ride you until your blood sugar drops you into a diabetic coma. Then I’ll go slag my real boyfriend who’s dining on his second bucket of Original Recipe at KFC. If life was kind enough to let you eat crappy fast food and still bang hot women, nobody would be so eager to get to heaven.
Photo Credit: Carl’s Jr/Twitter
By Lex February 20, 2014 @ 6:58 PM
As far as hot sports girls go, I think civilized men can agree that the hierarchy begins with surfers and ends with Ivy League women’s rugby players. You can Google the latter if you need confirmation. Girls in the water are inherently better looking than their burly counterparts scrumming about in the mud. I think it’s has to do with reproductive longings that extend eons back to the time we were all amphibious web-toed fuckers shooting semen at every cloacal sac in the tide pool. Some of us still do that, metaphorically and otherwise. I wouldn’t mention that anthropological tidbit in particular when hitting on Anastasia Ashley. Just pretend you know shit about surfing and that you don’t still live with your parents.
Photo Credit: Splash
By Lex January 15, 2014 @ 1:25 PM
Surfing isn’t really a sport. Neither is golf or long jumping or challenging your buddy to ride his dirt bike off a steep embankment and not bust up his face. Yeah, I know that shit is hard to do. I know I can’t do it. But the long list of shit I can’t do doesn’t make a sport. A sport requires an opponent. That’s what makes it sporting. However, the best looking women are drawn to the non-sports athletics, which makes them more worth watching than women’s basketball or hockey or anything that doesn’t involve a volleyball and Spandex panties. Anastasia Ashley is one good looking surfer. She’s not ranked particularly high in any top surfer polls, but do you care? I wish she were my girlfriend so I could constantly worry about her cheating on me with tanned surfers who can wear wetsuits without looking like the defective penguin abandoned by his mother to die on the ice.
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News