Anastasia Ashley Feels Violated

By Matt December 08, 2014 @ 8:42 AM


Anastasia Ashley’s surfing career mainly consists of shaking her ass in a thong. That’s not a put down. Ashley is quite concerned that some stolen photographer images might surface that show her topless from the front, as opposed to the back and side as promised. Ashley was posing for a photo shoot in Florida for Cheeki underwear with the creepiest photography crew ever, and apparently someone broke into their pedo painter’s van and stole a laptop with the photos. Or just opened the door with a key since it was most likely a member of said crew. Ashley is concerned because some of the photos may reveal more nipple or labia than she was originally set upon:

“There’s video of me posing in compromising positions from all kinds of angles… I’ll be mortified if they get released.”

I’m pretty sure people overuse the word mortified. It used to be used to express the sight of dead bodies at crime scenes and anything of a dozen horrible things going on in Africa. Now it’s receiving a parking ticket for an expired meter or your semi-nude photos being slightly too nude. C’mon, a photo of your poontang isn’t going to be a huge game changer. Nobody ever got hurt in Hollywood from having their genitals exposed in stolen photos. Many have turned it into lucrative careers. You might want to focus your attention on why you are doing nude photo shoots with Florida’s perverted meth smoking Luchador community. Soul search and report back.

Photo Credit: Splash/KDNPIX

Anastasia Ashley Models Bikinis For Revolve

By Lex August 04, 2014 @ 9:56 AM

Anastasia Ashley Models Bikinis For Revolve

Photo Credit: Revolve

Anastasia Ashley In A Thong Bikini

By Lex July 21, 2014 @ 1:57 PM

Anastasia Ashley In A Thong Bikini At The Beach In Miami
I am truly in love with this surfer girl. I was going to look up her surfing rankings but then I realized I’d never understand them. It’s a close call, but I dig this chick even more than that blond surfer girl who had her arm eaten by a shark then heroically went back to surfing. If the shark returns to dine on her remaining limb, she probably climbs back to the top of the list. A girl with one arm is a novelty, a girl with no arms is marriage material.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News

Anastasia Ashley Has an Ass Built for Burgers

By Lex April 22, 2014 @ 2:44 PM

Anastasia Ashley Shows Off Her Butt In A Bikini For Carl's Jr
Mmm, burger and ass. That’s only been the best combination since the dawn of time. Sometimes, I’ll see a fine woman’s ass in a bikini and think to myself, man, how fat would I have to get eating Carl’s Jr. burgers before I could hit that. And I know she’s looking at me thinking, if you can eat all 1,800 calories in one mouth stuffing bite, I will ride you until your blood sugar drops you into a diabetic coma. Then I’ll go slag my real boyfriend who’s dining on his second bucket of Original Recipe at KFC. If life was kind enough to let you eat crappy fast food and still bang hot women, nobody would be so eager to get to heaven.

Photo Credit: Carl’s Jr/Twitter

Anastasia Ashley In A Blue Striped Bikini

By Lex February 20, 2014 @ 6:58 PM

Anastasia Ashley In A Blue Striped Bikini At The Beach In Miami
As far as hot sports girls go, I think civilized men can agree that the hierarchy begins with surfers and ends with Ivy League women’s rugby players. You can Google the latter if you need confirmation. Girls in the water are inherently better looking than their burly counterparts scrumming about in the mud. I think it’s has to do with reproductive longings that extend eons back to the time we were all amphibious web-toed fuckers shooting semen at every cloacal sac in the tide pool. Some of us still do that, metaphorically and otherwise. I wouldn’t mention that anthropological tidbit in particular when hitting on Anastasia Ashley. Just pretend you know shit about surfing and that you don’t still live with your parents.

Photo Credit: Splash

Anastasia Ashley Makes Surfing Sporting

By Lex January 15, 2014 @ 1:25 PM

Anastasia Ashley Surfs In A Bikini For A Budwieser Commercial In Los Angeles
Surfing isn’t really a sport. Neither is golf or long jumping or challenging your buddy to ride his dirt bike off a steep embankment and not bust up his face. Yeah, I know that shit is hard to do. I know I can’t do it. But the long list of shit I can’t do doesn’t make a sport. A sport requires an opponent. That’s what makes it sporting. However, the best looking women are drawn to the non-sports athletics, which makes them more worth watching than women’s basketball or hockey or anything that doesn’t involve a volleyball and Spandex panties. Anastasia Ashley is one good looking surfer. She’s not ranked particularly high in any top surfer polls, but do you care? I wish she were my girlfriend so I could constantly worry about her cheating on me with tanned surfers who can wear wetsuits without looking like the defective penguin abandoned by his mother to die on the ice.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News