Entertainment Weekly is running an interview in this weeks issue that they did with Angelina Jolie while she was in France two weeks ago for the Cannes Film Festival. It's typically candied, as Angelina almost always is, but let's not kid each other and skip to the part where she talks about getting drilled:
On people saying being pregnant is bad for one's sex life: "No, I think it's quite the opposite. It's great for the sex life. It just makes you a lot more creative. So you have fun, and as a woman you're just so round and full."
On her partner not being easy to buy things for: "Brad is the hardest person to shop for. He has impeccable design taste. And whenever he sees something he likes, he buys it for himself."
On Brad's most recent gift to her (a gun-charm necklace she wore to her EW photo shoot): "Mad, our 6-year-old, draws lots of war scenarios. He's all into war and guns. So for Mother's Day he drew a machine gun, and Brad had it made into a necklace, which is really sweet. It's really cute. I think it's really good!"
Remember the old Angelina, when she was unthinkably hot and just banged whoever, even having sex with her friends because she didn’t have a boyfriend? It made you think you had a real shot at fucking Angelina Jolie. That was awesome. Also formerly awesome: snap bracelets.
Star magazine says in big giant letters this week that Angelina Jolie collapsed a few days ago, sending her boyfriend Brad Pitt into a panic. They say…
False labor, soaring blood pressure and high blood sugar — and now another scare for mom-to-be Angelina Jolie and her worried partner Brad Pitt. "Just hold on!" pleaded panicked Brad as an exhausted and drained Angelina suddenly swooned and collapsed in the couple's rented French château. That was the frightening episode that unfolded as 7-months-pregnant Angie was making one of her many trips to the bathroom. "She felt lightheaded, and her knees buckled," an insider tells Star. "Brad grabbed her and told her to 'hold on, hold on' until her doctor got to her."
Except none of that seems to be true, according to TMZ. The picture above was taken the same day at the same time as the Star cover photo showing Angelina collapsing, and it was taken May 4th, not May 21st as Star claims. And she didn’t collapse, she just sort of slipped. And it wasn't in their French chateau, it was on a beach near Cannes. No one loves Star more than me but it's important to remember sometimes tabloids just make stuff up. Like when they did a story about how to pleasure the woman in your life. My experience proves that the female orgasm is only a myth.
Did you know they make 300,000 dollar tables? Because I did not. Because why on earth would they? Who would buy one? Well it turns out they do, and it turns out Brad Pitt would buy one. Bloomberg news says…
Brad Pitt was among the buyers of contemporary "design art" furniture at the Design Miami/Basel fair in Switzerland, dealers said today. He paid $293,000 for a hollow white marble rococo-style table by the Dutch designer Jeroen Verhoeven, Director Loic Le Gaillard said today. "Most people come to Basel to look at contemporary art, but it's completely overwhelming,'' said Le Gaillard. “Then they come to the design fair and it's quiet. They can see contemporary works that are affordable and refreshingly accessible.'' Pitt's 4-foot-long "Cinderella Table'', from an edition of six, is hewn from a solid block of Carrara marble. Pitt also ordered a rug made of aluminum thread from New York dealer Cristina Grajales. The "Silver Sky" rug, created by Colombian designer Jorge Lizarazo and woven by the Colombian-based studio Hechizoo, will be priced at a rate of $175 per square foot. The exact dimensions of the star's rug had yet to be specified. Pitt was also interested in a gold lacquer-coated Fiberglas sofa by Zaha Hadid, offered by London-based dealer Kenny Schachter at $300,000.
This Kenny Schachter guy must be laughing his ass off right now. A 300,000 dollar couch? There’s no such thing. There's nothing you can do to a couch to make it worth 300,000, unless maybe you stuffed it 296,000 dollars. How GD comfortable can you really get? In this context, 300,000 doesn’t even sound like a real number. He might as well say it costs eighty hundred ten.
Now that Angelina Jolie has some black kids, she’s all concerned about making sure black kids are equally represented in children’s media, including Disney films. She told OK magazine she’s upset by the lack of black princesses in Disney movies. "Heeeyyyy!" Oh , wait. Probably not that kind of black princess.
The Tomb Raider star and partner Brad Pitt feel let down by the lack of different cultures featured in children's films - and are urging the movie giant to be more diverse.
The actress, who is pregnant with twins, insists educating their children about culture is important in the Jolie-Pitt household.
"(So) even the colour of the children in the cartoon matters.
"There still isn't a Disney princess that's African and it's very difficult because our daughters' getting into princesses right now and it upsets me."
Ironically Disney is making a movie exactly like Angelina described right now, called "the Princess and The Frog". Disney says, "a young African-American girl living amid the charming elegance and grandeur of the fabled French Quarter. From the heart of Louisiana's mystical bayous and the banks of the mighty Mississippi comes an unforgettable tale of love, enchantment and discovery with a soulful singing crocodile, voodoo spells and Cajun charm at every turn."
I grew up in the swamps of Louisiana, and we don’t have crocodiles we have alligators but whatever. Also New Orleans is no where near Cajun country but that’s fine too. “An unforgettable tale of discovery with a soulful singing crocodile”? Awesome. What a solid idea. Teach little kids that crocodiles are friendly. “Look kids, a crocodile, just like in that movie. Go give him a big hug and I'll get a picture. Grab his front feet and sing and dance with him. That’s right, lots of big sudden movements, that’s what they like!”
OK! magazine passes on a rumor today that Angelina Jolie may have already given birth to her twins, and in fact she may have done it almost a week ago. OK says…
There may be nothing more than wishful thinking to reports coming out of France this morning that Angelina Jolie, who was due to give birth to twins some time in the next three to four weeks, has indeed already delivered her fifth and sixth children.
According to rumors, the Oscar-winner gave birth on Sunday in a Catholic clinic in the Aix-En-Provence region of France. No further details are forthcoming at this moment.
The rumor of course is that she’s having twin girls. Which would be hot. Unless it's Siamese twins. That would be creepy. Because we're gonna have to look at these kids all the damn time. She’d be like that dragon in the Godzilla movies, one body with three heads. And she'd use her powerful gravity beams to destroy our cities. Won’t someone help us!!!
UPDATE - Entertainment Tonight just sent out an email alert saying, "A source close to Angelina Jolie confirms that Jolie has given birth to twins in France."
UPDATED UPDATE - or not, according to People. "Angelina has not given birth. She is fine, enjoying her home and her family in France," a rep for the actress says.
The unthinkable hell you’re looking at above is the new “house” Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt bought over the weekend. Near Provence in the south of France, the main building has 35 bedrooms and sits on 1000 acres, an estate complete with a vineyard, lake, forest and a moat. You read that right by the way. A fucking moat. Cost: 60 million dollars. E! says…
The pre-Roman estate also boasts a swimming pool, billiards room, indoor pool, his-and-hers gyms, sauna and jacuzzi and a huge banquet hall. Magnificent cascading stone-walled terraces have been replanted with 13 different varieties of olives, and water is everywhere on the sprawling estate—20 fountains, aqueducts and a stream that runs through hidden tunnels, passes through the moat and fills the lake. Except for the ponies and goats grazing in the nearby fields, "the house is surrounded by a forest so they'll have total privacy, which is exactly what they're after," the source tells E! "No one will ever be able to get pictures of them relaxing at home, it's just impossible." The Jolie-Pitts hope to be completely moved in within the next three months, if not sooner. For the past year, Brad and Angelina had been house-hunting in the area, where residents include Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis and U2 frontman Bono.
In a related story, someone left a nearly working scooter in the ditch near my house. Look at me everyone! I’m scooting! Weeeee OH GOD THERE'S NO STEERING…
(picture source = splash news online)
